THE MONSTER

by LESTER DEL REY

His feet were moving with an automatic monotony along the sound-deadening material of the flooring. He looked at them, seeing them in motion, and listened for the little taps they made. Then his eyes moved up along the rough tweed of his trousers to the shorter motion of his thighs. There was something good about the movement, almost a purpose.

He tried making his arms move, and found that they accepted the rhythm, the right arm moving forward with the left leg, giving a feeling of balance. It was nice to feel the movement, and nice to know that he could walk so smoothly.

His eyes tired of the motion quickly, however, and he glanced along the hall where he was moving. There were innumerable doors along it; it was a long hall, with a bend at the end. He reached the bend, and began to wonder how he could make the turn. But his feet seemed to know better than he, since one of them shortened its stride automatically, and his body swung right before picking up the smooth motion again.

The new hallway was like the old one, painted white, with the long row of doors. He began to wonder idly what might lie behind all the doors. A universe of hallways and doors that branched off into more hallways?

It seemed purposeless to him. He slowed his steps, just as a series of sounds reached him from one of the doors. It was speech—and that meant there was someone else in this universe in which he had found himself. He stopped outside the door, turning his head to listen. The sounds were muffled, but he could make out most of the words.

Politics, his mind told him. The word had some meaning to him, but not much. Someone inside was talking to someone else about the best way to avoid the battle on the moon, now that both powers had bases there. There was a queer tone of fear to the comments on the new iron-chain reaction bombs and what they could do from the moon.

It meant nothing to him, except that he was not alone, and that it stirred up knowledge in his head of a world like a ball in space with a moon that circled it. He tried to catch more conversation, but it had stopped, and the other doors seemed silent. Then he found a door behind which a speaker was cursing at the idea of introducing robots into a world already a mess, calling another by name.

That hit the listener, sending shocks of awareness through his consciousness. He had no name! Who was he? Where was he? And what had come before he found himself here?

He found no answers, savagely though he groped through his reluctant mind. A single word emerged—amnesia, loss of memory. Did that mean he had once had memories? Then he tried to reason out whether an amnesiac would have a feeling of personality, but could not guess. He could not even be sure he had none.

He stared at the knob of the door, wondering if the men inside would know the answers. His hand moved to the knob slowly. Then, before he could act, there was the sudden, violent sound of running footsteps down the hall.

He swung about to see two men come plunging around the corner toward him. It hadn’t occurred to him that legs could move so quickly. One man was thicker than he was, dressed in a dirty smock of some kind, and the other was neat and trim, in figure and dress, in a khaki outfit he wore like a badge. The one in khaki opened his mouth.

“There he is! Stop him! You—Expeto! Halt! George—”

Expeto—George Expeto! So he did have a name—unless the first name belonged to the other man. No matter, it was a name. George accepted it and gratitude ran through him sharply. Then he realized the senselessness of the order. How could he halt when he was already standing still? Besides, there were those rapid motions…

The two men let out a yell as George charged into motion, finding that his legs could easily hold the speed. He stared doubtfully at another corner, but somehow his responses were equal to it. He started to slow to a halt—just as something whined by his head and spattered against a white wall. His mind catalogued it as a bullet from a silent zep gun, and bullets were used in animosity. The two men were his enemies.

He considered it, and found he had no desire to kill them; besides, he had no gun. He doubled his speed, shot down another hall, ran into stairs and took them at a single leap. It was a mistake. They led to a narrower hallway, obviously recently blocked off, with a single door. And the man with the zep gun was charging after him as he hesitated.

He hit the door with his shoulder and was inside, in a strange room of machinery and tables and benches. Most of it was strange to his eyes, though he could recognize a small, portable boron-reactor and generator unit. It was obviously one of the new hundred-kilowatt jobs.

The place was a blind alley! Behind him the man in khaki leaped through the ruined door, his zep gun ready. But the panting, older figure of the man in the smock was behind him, catching his arm.

“No! Man, you’d get a hundred years of Lunar Prison for shooting Expeto. He’s worth his weight in general’s stars! If he—”

“Yeah, if! George, we can’t risk it. Security comes first. And if he isn’t, we can’t have another paranoiac running around. Remember the other?”

Expeto dropped his shoulders, staring at them and the queer fear that was in them. “I’m not George?” he asked slowly. “But I’ve got to be George. I’ve got to have a name.”

The older man nodded. “Sure, George, you’re George—George Expeto. Take it easy, Colonel Kallik! Sure you’re George. And I’m George—George Enders Obanion. Take it easy, George, and you’ll be all right. We’re not going to hurt you. We want to help you.”

It was a ruse, and Expeto knew it. They didn’t want to help—he was somehow important, and they wanted him for something. His name wasn’t George—just Expeto. The man was lying. But there was nothing else to do; he had no weapons.

He shrugged. “Then tell me something about myself.”

Obanion nodded, catching at the other man’s hand. “Sure, George. See that chart on the wall, there behind you—Now!”

Expeto had barely time to turn and notice there was no chart on the wall before he felt a violent motion at his back and a tiny catching reaction as the other’s hand hit him. Then he blanked out.

He came back to consciousness abruptly, surprised to find that there was no pain in his head. A blow sufficient to knock him out should have left afterpains. He was alone with his thoughts.

They weren’t good thoughts. His mind was seizing on the words the others .had used, and trying to dig sense out of them. Amnesia was a rare thing—too rare. But paranoia was more common. A man might first feel others were persecuting him, then be sure of it, and finally lose all reality in his fantasies of persecution and his own importance. Then he was a paranoiac, making up fantastic lies to himself but cunning enough and seemingly rational at times.

But they had been persecuting him! There’d been the man with the gun—and they’d said he was important! Or had he only imagined it? If someone important had paranoia, would they deliberately induce amnesia as a curative step?

And who was he and where? On the first, he didn’t care—George Expeto would do. The second took more thought, but he had begun to decide it was a hospital—or asylum. The room here was whitewashed, and the bed was the only furniture. He stared down at his body. They’d strapped him down, and his arms were encased in thin metal chains!

He tried to recall all he could of hospitals, but nothing came. If he had ever been sick, there was no memory of it. Nor could he remember pain, or what it was like, though he knew the word.

The door opened then, cautiously, and a figure in white came in. Expeto stared at the figure, and a slow churning began in his head. The words were reluctant this time, but they came, mere surface whispers that he had to fight to retain. But the differences in the figure made them necessary. The longer hair, the softer face, the swelling at the breast, and something about the hips stirred his memories just enough.

“You’re—woman!” He got the word out, not sure it would come.

She jumped at his voice, reaching for the door which she had closed slowly. Fear washed over her face, but she nodded, gulping. “I—of course. But I’m just a technician, and they’ll be here, and—They’ve fastened you down!”

That seemed to bring her back to normal, and she came over, her eyes sweeping over him curiously, while one eyebrow lifted, and she whistled. “Um, not bad. Hi, Romeo. Too bad you’re a monster! You don’t look mean.”

“So you came to satisfy your curiosity,” he guessed, and his mind puzzled over it, trying to identify the urge that drove men to stare at beasts in cages. He was just a beast to them, a monster—but somehow important. And in the greater puzzle of it all, he couldn’t even resent her remark. Instead, something that had been bothering him since he’d found the word came to the surface. “Why are there men and women—and who am I?”

She glanced at her watch, her ear to the door. Then she glided over to him. “I guess you’re the most important man in the world—if you’re a man, and not pure monster. Here.”

She found his hand had limited freedom in the chains and moved it over her body, while he stared at her. Her eyes were intent on him. “Well. Now do you know why there are men and women?” Her stare intensified as he shook his head, and her lips firmed. “My God, it’s true—you couldn’t act that well! That’s all I wanted to know! And now they’ll take over the whole moon! Look, don’t tell them I was here—they’ll kill you if you do. Or do you know what death is? Yeah, that’s it, kaput! Don’t talk, then. Not a word!”

She was at the door, listening. Finally she opened it, and moved out… .

There was no sound from the zep gun, but the splaatt of the bullet reached Expeto’s ears. He shuddered, writhing within himself as her exploding body jerked back out of sight. She’d been pleasant to look at. Maybe that was what women were for.

Obanion was over him then, while a crowd collected in the hall, all Wearing khaki. “We’re not going to kill you, Expeto. We knew she’d come—or hoped she would. Now, if I unfasten your chains, will you behave? We’ve only got four hours left. O.K., Colonel Kallik?”

The colonel nodded. Behind him, the others were gathering something up and leaving.

“She’s the spy, all right. That must make the last of them. Clever. I’d have sworn she was O.K. But they tipped their hand in letting Expeto’s door stay unbolted before. Well, the trap worked. Sorry about cutting down your time.”

Obanion nodded, and now it was a group of men in white uniforms who came in, while the khaki-clad men left. They were wheeling in assorted machines, something that might have been an encephalograph, a unitary cerebrotrope, along with other instruments.

Expeto watched them, his mind freezing at the implications. But he wasn’t insane. His thoughts were lucid. He opened his mouth to protest, just as Obanion swung around.

“Any feeling we’re persecuting you, Expeto? Maybe you’d like to get in a few licks, to break my skull and run away where you’d be understood. You might get away with it; you’re stronger than I am. Your reaction time is better too. See, I’m giving you the idea. And you’ve only got four hours in which to do it.”

Expeto shook his head. That way lay madness. Let his mind feel he was persecuted and he’d surely be the paranoiac he’d heard mentioned. There had to be another answer. This was a hospital—and men were healed in hospitals. Even of madness. It could only be a test.

“No,” he denied slowly, and was surprised to find it was true. “No, I don’t want to kill you, Doctor. If I’ve been insane, it’s gone. But I can’t remember—I can’t remember!”

He pulled his voice down from its shriek, shook his head again and tried to restrain himself. “I’ll cooperate. Only tell me who I am. What have I done that makes people call me a monster? My God, give me an anchor to hold me steady, and then do what you want.”

“You’re better off not knowing, since you seem to be able to guess when I’m lying.” Obanion motioned the other men up, and they waited while Expeto took the chair they pointed out. Then they began clamping devices on his head. “You’re what the girl said—the spy. You’re the most important man in the world right now—if you can stay sane. You’re the one man who carries the secret of how we can live on the moon, protect Earth from aggressive powers, even get to the stars someday.”

“But I can’t remember—anything!”

“It doesn’t matter. The secret’s in you and we know how to use it. All right, now I’m going to give you some tests, and I want you to tell me exactly what comes into your mind. The instruments will check on it, so lying won’t do any good. Ready?”

It went on and on, while new shifts came in. The clock on the wall indicated only an hour, but it might have been a century, when Obanion sighed and turned his work over to another.

Expeto’s thoughts were reeling. He grabbed the breather gratefully, let his head thump back. There must be a way.

“What day is this?” he asked. At their silence he frowned. “Cooperate means both working together. I’ve been doing my part. Or is it too much to answer a simple question?”

The new man nodded slowly. “You’re right. You deserve some answers, if I can give them without breaking security. It’s June eighth, nineteen sixty-one-11 P.M.”

It checked with figures that had appeared in the back of his mind, ruining the one theory he’d had. “The President is William Olsen?”

The doctor nodded, killing the last chance at a theory. For a time he’d thought that perhaps the aggressive countries had won, and that this was their dictatorship. If he’d been injured in a war—But it was nonsense, since no change had occurred in his time sense or in the Administration.

“How’d I get here?”

The doctor opened his mouth, then closed it firmly. “Forget that, Expeto. You’re here. Get this nonsense of a past off your mind—you never had one, understand? And no more questions. We’ll never finish in less than three hours, as it is.”

Expeto stood up slowly, shaking himself. “You’re quite right. You won’t finish. I’m sick of this. Whatever I did, you’ve executed your justice in killing the me that was only a set of memories. And whatever I am, I’ll find myself. To hell with the lot of you!”

He expected zep guns to appear, and he was right. The walls suddenly opened in panels, and six armed men were facing him, wearing the oppressive khaki. But something in him seemed to take over. He had the doctor in one arm and a zep gun from the hand of a major before anyone else could move. He faced them, waiting for the bullets that would come, but they drew back, awaiting orders. Expeto’s foot found the door, kicked at it; the lock snapped.

Obanion’s voice cut through it all. “Don’t! No shooting! Expeto, I’m the one you want. Let Smith go, and I’ll accompany you, until you’re ready to let me go. Fair enough?”

Smith was protesting, but Obanion cut him short. “My fault, since I’m responsible. And the Government be damned. I’m not going to have a bunch of good men killed. His reaction’s too fast. We can learn things this way, maybe better. All right, Expeto—or do you want to kill them?”

Expeto dropped the gun a trifle and nodded, while the emotions in his head threatened to make him blank out. He knew now that he could never kill even one of them. But they apparently weren’t so sure. “Take me outside, and you can go back,” he told Obanion.

The doctor wiped sweat from his forehead, managed a pasty smile and nodded. Surprisingly, he stepped through a different door, and down a short hall, where men with rifles stood irresolutely. Then they were outside.

Obanion turned to go back, and then hesitated. Surprisingly, he dropped an arm onto Expeto’s shoulder. “Come on back inside. We can understand you. Or—All right, I guess you’re going. Thanks for taking my offer.”

The door closed, and Expeto was alone. Above him most of the building was dark, but he saw a few lighted windows, and some with men and women working over benches and with equipment. There was no sign of beds. All right, so it was some government laboratory.

The most important monster in the world, the useful paranoiac they’d saved by amnesia … The monster they intended to persecute back to paranoia, in hopes he’d recover his memory and the secret they wanted. Let them have the secret—but let him have peace and quiet, where his brain could recover by itself. Then he’d gladly give it to them. Or would he? Would he really be a monster again? Or might he learn the strange reason for there being men and women, the puzzle which seemed so simple that the woman had felt mere contact would solve it?

Funny that there were so many sciences, but no science of life—or was there? Maybe he’d been such a scientist—psychology, zoology, biology, whatever they’d call it from the Greek. Maybe the secret lay there, and it had completely burned out that part of his mind.

Then he heard the sound of a motor and knew they weren’t going to let him go. He wasn’t to have a moment of freedom if they could prevent it. He swung about sharply, studying the horizon. There were lights and a town. There’d be people, and he could hide among them.

He whipped his legs into action, driving on at a full run. The light of the moon was barely enough for him to see the ground clearly, but he managed a good deal more speed than the hallways had permitted. He heard the car behind on the road he found, and doubled his speed, while the sound of the motor slowly weakened as the distance increased.

He breathed easier when he hit the outskirts of the town, and slowed to a casual walk, imitating the steps of a few people he saw about. This was better. In the myriad of streets and among countless others, he would be lost. The only trouble was that he was on a main street, and the lights would give him away to anyone who knew him.

He picked up a paper from a waste receptacle and moved off to the left, seeking a less brilliantly-lighted street. Now and again he glanced at the print, looking for some trace. But aside from the news that his mind recognized as normal for the times, there was nothing on any mysterious, all-important person, nor on anyone who was either a monster or a savior.

Ahead of him a lone girl was tapping along the sidewalk. He quickened his step, and she looked back, making the identity complete as her tiny bolero drifted back in the breeze to expose all but the tip of her breasts. She hesitated as he caught up with her, looking up uncertainly. “Yes?”

She couldn’t know the answers. Obviously she had never seen him. How could she tell him what he wanted to know?

“Sorry. I thought you were someone else? No, wait. You can tell me something. Where can I find a place to stay?”

“Oh. Well, the Alhambra, I guess.” She smiled a little. “Back there—see where the sign is?”

She brushed against his arm as she turned, and a faint gasp sounded. Her hand suddenly contracted on his bare skin, then jerked back sharply. She began stepping slowly away.

“No!” It was a small wail as he caught her shoulder. Then she slumped against him, wilting as he pulled her toward his face. He released her, to see her fall down in a sagging heap.

For a moment the sickness in him rose in great waves, undulating and horrible as he dropped beside her. But when he felt the pulse in her hand still beating, it left. He hadn’t killed her, only frightened her into unconsciousness.

He stood there, tasting that. Only frightened her that much!

And finally he turned about and headed for the Alhambra. There was nothing he could do for her; she’d recover, in time, and it would be better if she didn’t see him there. Then maybe she’d decide it was all a fantasy.

Bitterly he watched a streak mount the horizon, remembering that the men had been discussing the two bases on the moon in the room where he’d first heard voices. They could face war and only fear it vaguely. But he could drive someone senseless by touching them!

He found the night clerk busy watching a television set with the screen badly adjusted to an overbalance of red, and signed the register with the full name he’d hoped once was his. George Expeto, from—make it from New York. It wouldn’t matter.

“Five dollars,” the clerk told him.

Dollars? He shook his head slowly, trying to think. Something about dollars and cents. But it made no sense.

The clerk’s eyes were hard. “No dough, eh? O.K., try to fool someone else. No baggage, no dough, no room. Scram.”

Expeto stood irresolutely, trying to make sense out of it still. Dollars—something… The clerk had swung back to watching the set, and he reached out for the scrawny shoulder, drawing the man around.

“But look—” Then it was no use. The shoulder had crumpled in his hand like a rotten stick, and the man had lapsed into a faint with a single shriek.

Expeto stood outside, swaying while the sickness washed away slowly; he told himself the doctors would fix the man up—that was what they were for. They’d fix him, and no real harm had been done. He hadn’t meant to hurt the man. He’d only meant to ask him what dollars were and how to get them.

Then he moved on into a little park and dropped onto a seat. But the sickness was still there, a sickness he hadn’t noticed, but which had been growing on him even before he’d hurt the clerk. It was as if something were slowly eroding his mind. Even the curious memory of ideas and words were going!

He was sitting there, his head in his hands, trying to catch himself, when the car drove up. Obanion and Kallik got out, but Obanion came over alone.

“Come on, Expeto. It won’t work. You might as well come back. And there’s only an hour left!”

Expeto got up slowly, nodding wearily. The doctor was right—there was no place in the world for such a monster as he.

“Left before what?” he asked dully, as he climbed into the rear of the car and watched Obanion lock the door and the glass slide between him and the front seat.

For a second Obanion hesitated, then he shrugged. “All right. Maybe you should know. In another hour you’ll be dead! And nothing can prevent it.”

Expeto took it slowly, letting the thought sink into the muddying depths of his mind. But he was important—they’d told him so. Or had they? They’d chased him about, bound him down, refused to tell him what he needed, refused him even civil decency and told him he was the hope of the world. Or had he only imagined it?

“I never wanted anything but myself. Only myself. And they wouldn’t let me have that—not even for a few hours. They had to hound me—” He realized he was muttering aloud and stopped it.

But from the front seat the voices came back, muffled by the glass, Kallik speaking first. “See, paranoia all right. Thinks he’s being persecuted.”

“He is.” Obanion nodded slowly. “With the time limit the Government insisted on, the ruin of our plans by the spies that got through, and the need to get the facts, what else could we do? If they’d let us animate him for a week—but six hours’ limit on the vital crystals! We’ve had to be brutal.”

“You talk as if he were a human being. Remember the other—XP One? Crazy, killing people, or trying to. I tell you, the robots can’t be made trustworthy yet, no matter what you cybernetics boys have found in the last ten years. This one only had six hours instead of ten for the other, and he’s already threatened us and hurt two people.”

“Maybe. We don’t know all the story yet.” Obanion wiped his forehead. “And damn it, he is human. That’s what makes it tough, knowing we’ve got to treat him like a machine. Maybe we grew his brain out of silicones and trick metal crystals, and built his body in a laboratory, but the mechanical education he got made him a lot more human than some people, or should have made him so. If I can prove he isn’t crazy—”

Expeto—Experiment Two—stared at the hand he held before his face. He bent the fingers, looking at the veins and muscles. Then, slowly, with his other hand, he twisted at them, stretching them out and out, until there could be no doubt that they were rubbery plastic.

A monster! A thing grown in a laboratory, made out of mechanical parts, and fed bits of human education from tapes in cybernetics machines! A thing that would walk on the moon without air and take over enemy bases, do men’s work, but who could never be taken as a man by human beings, who grew from something or other but were never built. A thing to be animated for a few hours and deliberately set to die at the end of that time, as a precaution—because it had no real life, and it wasn’t murder to kill a built thing!

A thing that somehow couldn’t kill men, it seemed, judging by the sickness he’d felt when he’d hurt or threatened them. But a thing of which they couldn’t be sure—until they’d tested him and found he was complete and sane.

He rocked back and forth on the seat, moaning a little. He didn’t want to die; but already the eroded places in his brain were growing larger. It didn’t matter; he had never been anyone; he never could be anyone. But he didn’t want to die!

“Half an hour left,” the cyberneticist, Obanion, said slowly. “And less than that unless we make sure he doesn’t exert himself. He’s about over.”

Then the car was coming into the garage, and Obanion got out with Kallik. Expeto went with them quietly, knowing that Obanion was right. Already he was finding it hard to use his legs or control what passed for muscles. They went back to the room with the instruments and the waiting technicians.

For a moment he looked at the humans there. Obanion’s eyes were veiled, but the others were open to his gaze. And there was no pity there. Men don’t pity a car that is too old and must go to the scrap heap. He was only a machine, no matter how valuable. And after him other machines would see the faces of men turned away from them, generation after generation.

Slowly he kicked at the chair, tipping it over without splintering it, and his voice came out as high and shrill as his faltering control could force it. “No! No more! You’ve persecuted me enough. You’ve tried to kill me—me, the hope of your puny race! You’ve laughed at me and tortured me. But I’m smarter than you—greater than you! I can kill you—all of you—the whole world, with my bare hands.”

He saw shock on Obanion’s face, and sadness, and for that he was almost sorry. But the smug satisfaction of Kallik as the zep gun came up and the horror on the faces of the others counteracted it. He yelled once, and charged at them.

For a moment he was afraid that he would not be stopped before he had to injure at least one of them. But then the zep gun in Kallik’s hand spoke silently, and the bullet smashed against the mockery of Expeto’s body.

He lay there, watching them slowly recover from their fright. It didn’t matter when one of them came over and began kicking him senselessly. It didn’t even matter when Obanion put a stop to it.

His senses were fading now, and he knew that the excitement had shortened his brief time, and that the crystals were about to break apart and put an end to his short existence. But in a curious way, while he still hated and feared death, he was resigned to it.

They’d be better off. Maybe the first experimental robot had known that. Expeto let the thought linger, finding it good. He couldn’t believe the other had grown insane; it, too, must have found the bitter truth, and tried to do the only possible thing, even when that involved genuine injury to a few of the humans.

Now they’d have two such failures, and it would be perhaps years before they’d risk another when their checks failed to show the reason for the nonexistent flaws. They’d have to solve their own problems of war or peace without mechanical monsters to make them almost gods in power while teaching them the disregard of devils for life other than their own.

And there’d be no more of his kind to be used and despised and persecuted. Persecuted? The word stirred up thoughts—something about paranoia and insanity.

But it faded. Everything faded. And he sank through vague content into growing blackness. His thoughts were almost happy as death claimed him.

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