Everyone asks me what I 'think' happened to Roger," said Veronica Croydon, "and if I don't supply them with an answer immediately, they're only too happy to offer their own. Could he have had a heart attack while he was out for one of his walks? As if the police hadn't thought of that already, and there hadn't been that enormous search for him in the woods off Founders. And as if, because he was sixty-five, his heart was a ticking time-bomb. If not a heart attack, then it's a stroke or something similar, an aneurysm. As if Roger didn't run five miles every day; as if he didn't have the body of a forty-year-old. Trust me, I know." She raised her hands from the sink, and passed me a plate.
Taking it into the dishtowel, I said, "Surely you can understand—"
"That people assume I wore him out?"
"No," I said; although I supposed there was sufficient truth to her statement. Veronica Croydon had begun her relationship with her eventual husband as a graduate student; she had been more than three decades Roger's junior—closer to four—younger than the son of his first marriage. "No," I repeated, setting the plate in the cupboard, "I was thinking that heart attacks happen at every age."
"Maybe," Veronica said, "but I doubt it. If you could hear their voices, the way they drop an octave, as if they're broaching a delicate topic—the details of our sex life, which they are, indirectly. They sound so greedy.
"Not that those people are the worst," she continued, handing me another plate. "That would have to be the ones who look me straight in the eye and declare that Roger 'obviously' left me for someone else. About seventy percent are in favor of him returning to Joanne; the remaining thirty think it was someone even younger. As if Roger and Joanne hadn't been over for years before I ever met him; as if she didn't do her best to make us miserable once we were together, even though they were basically divorced and leading separate lives. Have you met her? Have you seen her? Of course you have. Why would Roger want to exchange me for that? And someone younger? Please—as if that's all our relationship was, Roger living out a dirty old man's secret fantasy."
All of these possibilities had occurred to me and Ann, my wife; I believe they must have occurred to everyone in the English department at SUNY Huguenot, to anyone who had known Roger Croydon. Hearing them from Veronica's lips, however, I felt myself accused. In the immediate aftermath of Roger's disappearance; in the subsequent year and a half; we hadn't communicated with Veronica, hadn't sat down at the computer to send an e-mail, much less written a card or letter or picked up the phone to call her. We hadn't talked to her, but we had talked about her, to each other and to our friends, discussing the various scenarios she had enumerated along with other, more fanciful explanations for her husband's disappearance. He'd joined a cult; he'd run afoul of drug dealers; he'd lost his mind and been secretly institutionalized. Such discussions had been a de facto party game for months, and whatever twinge of distaste I might have felt had not prohibited me from joining in. That Veronica was not, had never been, the easiest of people to get along with—that it was easier to talk about her than it was to talk to her—suddenly seemed the thinnest of excuses. Placing the plate on top of its fellows, I said, "It's just that Roger's behavior had been so . . . erratic. Since Ted was killed."
At the mention of her late stepson's name, Veronica paused, her arms submerged in soapy dishwater up to the elbows, her gaze focused on the window directly over the sink. Night and the kitchen lights had transformed the window into a mirror, and all she could be staring at was her reflection: longish red hair pulled back into a ponytail, angular cheeks carefully made up (though it had been only the six of us and the baby for dinner), brown eyes greened by colored contacts, ears hung with dangling earrings that terminated in small, circular mirrors. Her mouth, lipsticked muted red, pursed, and she said, "Ted."
"I didn't mean—"
Veronica waved me to silence, showering suds across the counter. "I know," she said. "It was real. It happened. And yes, it did send Roger around the bend." She laughed humorlessly. "You have no idea how far it sent him." She turned, and I was shocked to see tears spilling from her eyes. "Everyone asks me what I 'think' happened to Roger," she said, "and the thing is, I know what happened to him."
"What?" Stunned, I stood there, while Veronica wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffed, and resumed dishwashing. That she knew what had befallen her husband, yet, as far as I knew, had said nothing of it to the police or anyone else was . . . was incredible. Only when she held out the last plate to me without looking and it slipped from her fingers, so that I had to leap forward to catch it from smashing on the tiled floor, did I find my voice. Holding the plate in both hands, I said, "You know?"
"I do."
"But," I gestured with the plate. "Why haven't you told anyone?"
Veronica went to pass me a handful of cutlery. Seeing that I had not finished with the plate, she returned the knives and forks to the sink, took a breath, and said, "Because it's impossible. What happened to Roger is impossible."
"I don't understand," I said, finally setting the plate down and closing the cupboard door. "If you know where Roger is—"
"Roger's dead. He died two years ago."
Either Veronica was playing an unpleasant joke on me, or her words were meant to express some oblique truth. Ted had been killed in Afghanistan two years ago; perhaps that was what she meant.
After a pause, she said, "Pretty nuts, huh?"
I decided to risk honesty. "I don't think I understand."
"No," Veronica said, handing me a bundle of silverware, "you wouldn't." While I dried the cutlery and set it in its drawer, she added, "Don't feel bad. No one would understand. Well, it's not so much no one would understand; it's more no one would believe. And I can imagine what they'd say. There's been enough talk about me already. The last thing I need is everyone looking at me and saying, 'Oh, there goes crazy Veronica. Did you hear what she said happened to her husband?'" She gave me the remainder of the silverware and released the water from the sink. Rinsing her hands, she asked, "Is there any wine left?"
"There's a little white in the fridge."
"Great." As she retrieved a glass from the cabinet and sought out the wine, I finished my duties as dish-dryer and hung up the dishtowel. "I guess I'll turn in," I said, turning to the stairs.
"Hey!" Veronica said. "Where are you going?"
"To bed," I said. "It was a long drive here, and Robbie's been a bit restless, lately—he's still teething—so I want to be there in case he wakes up."
"Come on," Veronica said. "Don't go up yet. Stay and have a glass of wine."
"Thanks," I said, "but I'm not much for wine. My stomach—"
"Have a glass of water, then. I can't believe everyone's gone to sleep. It's barely nine o'clock."
"Everyone's had a long day," I said. "There is cable—"
"I don't want to watch TV. I want someone to talk to."
I was on the verge of answering that there was a phone, too, but something in Veronica's tone, a plaintive undercurrent, made me hesitate. Noticing this, she said, "Tell you what: stay up with me for a little while and I'll tell you what I meant just now. I'll tell you what happened to Roger. You write those weird stories, don't you? Then you have to hear this. It's right up your alley."
"I'm sorry?" I wasn't sure what was more confusing: the offhand, breezy way in which Veronica had offered a story that not five minutes past she had insisted she would never disclose—a story that could only be unhappy—or the fact that she was offering it to me, here and now. We were not even friendly acquaintances; my offer to dry the dishes had been put forth before I knew she would be washing them. If I had talked to her while we performed our respective duties, it was out of generic civility. It was hard to believe that my infrequent responses to her nearly continuous monologue could have earned me the right to hear her story.
Apparently, however, that was the case. "I said I'd tell you what happened to Roger. It's been a year and a half, and I'm wondering if I need to tell someone about it, regardless of what they'll think. It's like—are you Catholic?"
"Episcopalian."
"Do you guys have Confession?"
"Yes."
"Okay. It's like, I need to Confess, you know? Not that I did anything wrong—I just have to say what took place out loud. I have to hear myself say it to someone else."
"Fair enough," I said, "but why me? Couldn't Addie—"
"Addie would think I had lost my mind," Veronica said. "You probably will, too, but she's one of the only friends I have left, and I couldn't stand that. If you think I'm nuts, it's no big deal. Basically, you're in the right place at the right time."
"Aren't you concerned I'll tell someone?" I asked.
"You could," Veronica said. "But I'm asking you not to."
"All right," I said, after reflecting that, sitting in the living room, we'd be directly beneath Ann's and my bedroom. If Robbie cried, I'd be able to hear him and run up the stairs before he'd worked himself up too much. "If you're sure—"
"Don't worry," Veronica said, "you won't believe what I'm going to tell you, anyway." Carrying the bottle of wine in one hand, her glass of it in the other, she led the way from the kitchen through the dining room and into the living room. While I seated myself in the rocking chair, she set the bottle and glass on the low coffee table in front of the overstuffed blue-and-white-striped couch. For a moment, Veronica gazed at the windows over the couch, then, turning to me, said, "Tell you what. Before I start this story, I'm going to take a quick shower. To unwind, you know? Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back." Without waiting, she headed for the downstairs bathroom, on the other side of the stairs. A moment later, I heard the bathroom door shut.
I was sufficiently annoyed to stand up and cross to the foot of the stairs before curiosity made me pause. Never refuse a story: How often had I offered that as a maxim to my creative writing students? Here I was, being offered a narrative that promised the seed of a story, at minimum, possibly a novel, and I couldn't wait ten minutes for it? I returned to the rocking chair.
This was not how I had anticipated spending tonight. Ann and I had made the five-hour journey from our home in Huguenot to our friends Harlow and Addie's vacation house on Cape Cod as a treat to ourselves—our variation on the spring break our students at SUNY were spending in Florida and Mexico—and because we'd wanted to introduce Robbie, our ten-month-old son, to the place that had come to mean so much to us, the house where the seeds of our marriage had been sown and to which we'd returned in the years since. We had known we'd be joined by our friend Leigh, escaping Manhattan for a long weekend, but we hadn't realized Veronica would be staying with us until we'd driven up the house's sandy driveway and seen her red Jetta parked in front of it. Veronica's presence was testament to Addie's unfailing generosity of spirit. After Veronica had replaced Roger Croydon's first wife—an affair that was a good deal more fraught and messy than Veronica had pretended—Addie had been the only one of Roger's former friends not to abandon him, and her loyalty had been sufficiently expansive to include the former student over whom he and Joanne were divorcing. Following Roger's disappearance, Addie had visited and had Veronica over to visit her and Harlow. When I had remarked to her that doing so must count as some act of mercy—whether corporal or spiritual I wasn't sure—Addie had sighed and said, "Underneath it all, Veronica is really very sweet. She's just been through a lot. She refuses to talk about it right now, but it's clear that things between her and Roger had gotten very bad. From what I can gather, before he left, he was in the process of an extended breakdown, which she did her best to cope with, but which was too much for her. I think she blames herself for his leaving."
While it was true that Veronica had compressed what should have been the experiences of twenty years into barely a quarter of that time, I was less inclined to Addie's charity. My aversion to Veronica wasn't rooted in any slight or wrong she had done me; to be honest, I hadn't known her well at any point. It was more basic than that. We had met during her first semester in the Master's program, at an English department party. I had spoken with Veronica briefly, and been struck by the fact that she was, literally and figuratively, overdressed for the occasion. Where the rest of the party-goers alternated among thirteen ways of appearing casual, Veronica had chosen a black cocktail dress, high heels, and a pearl necklace and earrings. Where the clusters of people around us complained about apathetic students and poor pay, Veronica's conversation with me had circled a line of Emily Dickinson's poetry she said she had been "contemplating": "There's a certain slant of light / Oppresses, like the heft of cathedral tunes." In the course of our brief discussion, Veronica had mentioned that she had graduated—magna cum laude—from Penrose College, where she had written her senior thesis on Dickinson and Hawthorne, and at first I had attributed her mannerisms to the lingering effects of four years spent on the other side of the Hudson, wandering ivied halls. When I considered the students and faculty from Penrose I'd encountered before Veronica, however, that notion dissipated. If anything, they were more proletarian than we at SUNY Huguenot, albeit in a more self-conscious and -satisfied way. It had occurred to me that Veronica—who at that point was still "this graduate student" to me—was carrying on her fantasy of what an English department faculty party should be, insisting that the rest of us conform to her vision. Later, when I had made a few acid remarks about her to Ann, my then-fiancée had given her a name: Veronica Dorian, and laughingly declared that I was just jealous to have discovered someone who was more of a snob than I was. Ann, who shared Addie's generous perspective and who had Veronica as a student in her Contemporary American Novel class, had agreed that Veronica was full of herself, but added that her remarks in class and written work showed genuine acuity of thought. "I am not a snob," I had replied, "I just have standards," and then changed the subject.
(Although, during tonight's dinner, whose conversation had almost inevitably been taken up with the merits or lack thereof of the war in Iraq—whose one-year anniversary was later this week—Veronica had been oddly quiet, refusing to engage the topic in any but the most cursory fashion.)
Veronica's intelligence had caught Roger Croydon's notice right away. Roger was the resident Victorian scholar; he also was one of our more accomplished members, having published upwards of fifty articles and half a dozen books, one of which, Dickens and Patrimony, was standard reading for students of Dickens. Why a man of his achievements hadn't been snatched up by one of the major universities was something of a mystery—until, that is, you met Joanne. She and Roger were like a pair of minor characters from one of Dickens's longer novels. Her face was long, its most prominent feature her large, liquid eyes; his face was more square, marked by a nose that had been broken some time in the past. Where she was tall, broad-shouldered, lean, he was short and slender. She sported designer outfits; he favored plain white shirts and chinos. Where she delivered her sentences in the broad accent of old Manhattan money, he spoke with the nasal twang of the South Carolina mountains. Theirs was a famously unhappy union—according to Roger, at least, who rarely missed the opportunity to drink too much at the parties they held at their large house and complain to whoever would listen. He never drank enough to name the specific cause of his general unhappiness, but the looks he cast at Joanne, standing across the room serenely ignoring him, left little doubt. The Croydons had one child, Ted, who I understood from older members of the department had been "wild" as a teenager, but who had calmed down considerably after enlisting in the Army on his eighteenth birthday.
Although Roger was by far the more flamboyant of the pair, given to expansive gestures and loud exclamations, Joanne was in charge of the marriage. She liked Huguenot. It was close enough to Manhattan—an hour and a half down the Thruway—for her to keep in easy contact with her family and the life of playgoing and gallery browsing with which she'd grown up; yet far enough away from the City for her to indulge the notion that she was living "in the country." (I've noticed that, as a rule, the inhabitants of New York City consider everything beyond Westchester "the country" and "upstate.") Anyone who saw the Croydons' house, however, an enormous, three-storey stone and wood edifice on Founders Street just shy of being a mansion—anyone who saw the house the Croydons called "The Belvedere House," after a minor painter who had summered in the place a half-century prior; much less walked its wide, polished hallways, stood in its high-ceilinged rooms, looked out its tall windows to the mountains behind the town—that person might have thought, If this is country living, then sign me up. It didn't require much imagination to understand why Joanne would be reluctant to leave such a house, and when you learned that the place had not always been in such condition, that she and Roger, newly married and arrived in town, had found the house for sale and in a state of almost total disrepair, borrowed the money from her father to purchase it, and then spent literally years restoring the place to its former glory, you understood how deep her attachment to the place ran. Belvedere House was where the Croydons had raised their son; it was where Roger had written most of his articles and all of his books; it was where Joanne had entertained the half-dozen charity and social groups to which she belonged.
The house was a striking, even peculiar structure. Its first storey was built of the same gray fieldstone as the other houses on Founders; its second, third, and attic storeys constructed of wood painted dark brown with forest green trim. Its upper storeys were full of windows, most of them long rectangles, with a few circles and half-circles in amongst them. The first time I had seen the place, I had thought of it as the house of windows—the phrase had come unbidden to me—and that name had lodged in my memory. I understood that its architectural style was more properly referred to as Queen Anne, but I'm not sure what of its features—gables, portico, eaves—that description encompassed. From that initial encounter, the house had had the strangest effect on me. There are many houses whose fronts suggest faces—windows for eyes, door for a mouth—but Belvedere House was the only residence I've seen whose front suggested a face hiding amongst its windows and angles, just out of view.
I glanced with impatience toward the downstairs bathroom, from whence I could hear, faintly, the continuing hiss of the shower. So much for being right back. For a second time, I considered climbing the stairs and leaving Veronica and her story. Had it not been for the fact that she was only going to be here for a day or two—over dessert, she'd told us of her plans to visit Provincetown tomorrow, and possibly Boston the day after—and had this not been perhaps my only chance of hearing this story, I might have done exactly that, and felt self-satisfied at having taught her that she couldn't take advantage of me. As it was, however, my curiosity still outweighed my annoyance, so I stood and wandered out of the living room, back through the dining room, into the kitchen. Retrieving a glass from the cupboard, I filled it with seltzer, adding a slice of lemon from the plastic bag on the refrigerator's top shelf.
Glass in hand, I turned to the kitchen's wide open space, which morning would fill with sunlight through the windows over the counters. With its open floor plan, its expansive rooms, its plenitude of windows, the entire house was friendly to the sun, and if that same abundance of windows meant that now night pressed in on us from all corners, the house was decorated with sufficient cheer and charm to balance it. It was hard not to compare it to Belvedere House, whose excess of windows never seemed to admit sufficient light to dispel the shadows cluttering its high ceilings. That said, Ann and I would have traded our undersized house, whose eight hundred square feet had been too small for one person, let alone two adults and a baby, for Belvedere House's expanses, however shadowy, in a heartbeat. If I could have had my dream house, though, it would have been the Cape House. "It's next to a cemetery," I had said to Ann on more than one occasion. "What could be more fitting for a guy writing horror stories?"
Belvedere House had witnessed many of the Croydons' most significant moments, including the beginning of Roger and Veronica's affair, and the subsequent end of Roger and Joanne's marriage. Roger was well-known in the English department for his "crushes": younger, usually attractive women whom Roger took it on himself to mentor. You would see them in one of the local bookstores, Roger expounding on this or that novel his mentee should have read; or in the Main Street Bistro, Roger proclaiming this or that opinion on literature, music, or art while the mentee sat silently sipping a cup of tea; or in Roger's office, Roger recounting his jousts with this or that critical rival as he passed his mentee copies of articles to read. So far as anyone knew, these relationships had been strictly Platonic, at worst affaires de coeur. Certainly Joanne always treated them with good-humored irony. When Roger started popping his head in my door, asking me how I was doing and then launching into rapturous descriptions of this new student before I had supplied an answer, I was almost comforted by the return of a familiar ritual. Roger's last crush had graduated the previous spring; he was due to find someone new. My reaction was, by and large, typical.
This latest crush of Roger's, however, was not. I'm not sure when it became apparent to the rest of the department that things between Roger and this latest mentee were different, but for me the revelation came shortly after my first meeting with Veronica. While browsing the Poetry section at Campbell's, the used bookstore on Main Street, I overheard a pair of whispered voices engaged in a furious debate. After a moment, I recognized one of the contestants as Roger, and after another, Veronica. Leaning around a tall bookcase, I saw the two of them standing in the midst of General Fiction, Roger's arms flailing like a man scything wheat, in constant danger of sending books tumbling from their shelves, Veronica's hands propped on her hips, an openly skeptical expression on her face. Roger was vigorously extolling the virtues of Melville, the sole American contemporary of Dickens who could hold a candle to him, if only in Moby Dick. Veronica overrode him to insist that Melville was verbose and overrated: there was more value in The Scarlet Letter than in all of Melville. To which Roger replied that Hawthorne had been so constipated by the puritan guilt that was his principle diet that he'd been incapable of squeezing out any but the most trite and conventional of sentiments.
And so on. I withdrew and resumed my browsing, unable to avoid eavesdropping on their argument as its volume steadily increased, then did my best to leave the bookstore unobserved—not difficult, really, as the two of them were still in the thick of their debate. That night, over dinner, I recounted the scene to Ann, who raised her eyebrows and said, "Well. It looks like Roger has finally met his match."
It appeared he had. The sound of him and Veronica disagreeing, so close to outright argument as to be indistinguishable from it, became familiar, and to Veronica's credit, she held her own. I had known Roger long and reasonably well-enough to be acquainted with most of his opinions and ideas, and I don't think I heard one of them with which Veronica agreed. What was more, her disagreements were usually cogent. You might have thought Roger would grow tired of such constant contradiction—as the rest of us did of having to listen to it—but he thrived on Veronica's challenges. His eyes alight, his step light, he looked less like a man at the far end of a distinguished career and more like one whose star has just started its rise. A new mentee always brought about some measure of regeneration in Roger, but this was the most dramatic example of it I had witnessed. Roger's enthusiasm carried over into his classes, where his students were more impressed and inspired than they had been in some time; and into his writing, where he was halfway through a new essay on the role of young women in Dickens's life and works.
As for Veronica: if what all of us overheard was any guide, then she was eminently up to the challenge of Roger. Indeed, after one afternoon of her and Roger's voices echoing up and down the English department's corridors, I recalled my first conversation with her and my thought that she had been living out her ideal of what English students and professors discussed: with Roger, she had found that ideal made real.
Given the intensity of their relationship, it shouldn't have come as that much of a surprise when the heat of their intellectual engagement sparked other fires. If every profession is accompanied in the popular imagination by two or three stereotypical images, then that of the (male) professor's affair with the younger (female) student must be among ours; the advent of feminism and sexual harassment legislation has blunted the stereotype only slightly. That said, Joanne's suddenly leaving Roger the following spring caught everyone off-guard. Ann called me from the office to share the news. Supposedly, the cause of Joanne's departure was her having discovered Roger and Veronica in flagrante delicto, but that I could not credit.
When Roger left Belvedere House to move in with Veronica less than a week later, however, the rumors were confirmed. While I've heard of quick, even friendly divorces, I've never actually seen any, and Roger and Joanne's split was among the most bitter. The scholar of the great melodramatist had enrolled himself in a modern variety of the form, the soap opera, and not an especially original one at that.
Throughout the two years it took them and their lawyers to work through their divorce, Belvedere House stood first empty and then rented. It was perhaps the only point on which Roger and Joanne were able to agree: their reluctance to part with the house. Eventually, they rented it to a young heart surgeon and her family.
Veronica continued taking classes, working toward her Master's. I was more than a little surprised at this. Given the storm of gossip that continued to swirl around her, I would have expected her to withdraw from the program and seek another, preferably in Manhattan or Albany. But she decided to brazen it out, completing her coursework during the first year of Roger and Joanne's divorce, then writing a thesis during the second year. What was more, she attended the department's social events with Roger, walking into whatever house it was at his side with a nonchalance that suggested she'd been doing this for years. Many of the senior faculty were as scandalized as Roger and Joanne's old friends had been; though in several instances, it was a case of the kettle calling the pot black. Unlike those friends, however, they had no choice but to continue to see and deal with Roger, so, in the end, an effort was made, if not exactly to welcome Veronica, then at least to acknowledge her. By the time Roger was officially divorced, Veronica had earned her degree and had been hired to adjunct back across the Hudson at Penrose.
I finished my seltzer, and shot another look over at the bathroom door. At least I could no longer hear the shower; though Veronica seemed no closer to reappearing. The second I started up the stairs, I knew, she would emerge. In for a penny, I thought.
This current visit was not Veronica's first to the Cape House. She had come here with Roger a year and a half ago, in the week or two immediately preceding his disappearance. Roger had been, to put it mildly, in a bad way: Ted had been killed while serving in Afghanistan earlier that year, and his death had undone his father. In an instant, the excess of vitality with which his affair with and marriage to Veronica had endowed him disappeared, drained out of him by the wound of his son's death; indeed, if anything, Roger appeared even older than he was, the poet's tattered coat upon a stick. He sagged inward, the way an old house whose frame and foundation are failing does, and though Veronica did her best for him, it was the equivalent of splashing a fresh coat of paint in some garish color across the façade of a dilapidated old house: hiding nothing, it instead calls attention to the structure's decay. The fires that had burnt in Roger had been blown out by the gust of his son's death, leaving only ashes and gray smoke. He and Veronica held a memorial service at the Dutch Reformed Church on Founders Street, but it was sparsely attended, most of his former friends having chosen to be present at the service Joanne arranged in Manhattan. Ann and I went, as did Addie and Harlow, and it was painful to witness. The worst moment was Roger's attempt to deliver the eulogy, a speech that began with his memories of a much younger Ted breaking his arm in an attempt to scale the wall of Belvedere House, drifted into his attempt to read Dickens to Ted when Ted was more interested in Spider-Man, and dissolved in his effort at reciting Houseman's "To an Athlete, Dying Young."
After that, reports of Roger's continuing downward slide reached us in stages, like bulletins from the site of some distant and ongoing disaster. He was missing classes and, when he was present, either obviously unprepared for the subject at hand or silent for extended periods of time. Finally, the President of the college had him up to her office. Grief-addled though he was, Roger recognized the lifeline that was being thrown to him and took it, turning over his classes to a couple of adjuncts and locking the door to his office behind him.
Until we saw Roger's face on the evening news, that was about the last word any of us had of him, except for one, final piece of information: he and Veronica had moved into Belvedere House. Apparently, Joanne hadn't contested the idea; and Dr. Sullivan and her family had been given one month to locate suitable replacement lodgings. At the end of that time, Roger and Veronica had left her small apartment behind for the spacious house. For a week or two after they moved in, a rumor circulated that Veronica was planning a house-warming party, but it proved unfounded. I don't believe anyone saw Roger for any length of time before the broadcaster was saying, "Police are investigating the disappearance of SUNY Huguenot professor Roger Croydon . . . "
I'm not sure what the consensus was on Roger's fate. From the start, I had a bad feeling about it: it seemed to me the last act in what was emerging as Roger's tragedy of dissolution. Ann was of the opinion that Roger had taken off for a time to parts unknown in order to rest and regroup himself. After the initial searches for Roger—for his body, really—by the police failed to turn up anything, the possibility of his death—and, lurking behind it, of his suicide—receded; though I don't suppose it ever disappeared entirely. The scenarios Veronica reported being forced on her were valid enough, but they were also indexes of the lingering resentment towards her harbored by Roger's old friends, who traced the origin of all his troubles to his move from being one half of Roger-and-Joanne to one half of Roger-and-Veronica.
The bathroom door clicked open, and at long last Veronica emerged. She had replaced the short brown dress she'd worn to dinner with a long plush robe the same cream color as the towel turbanning her hair; she'd also replaced her contacts with a small, rectangular pair of glasses; her earrings, I noticed, still caught the light. "Okay," she said as she took up her seat on the couch, folding her legs as she reached forward for her glass of wine. She took a long drink from it. "Like I said, this is a pretty weird story. I won't say even I don't believe it, because I was there and I saw it. It's more that I don't want to believe it, if that makes any sense. It will. I read that story of yours—the one about the mummy, or whatever you'd call it—so I'm thinking that you'll at least have an open mind about what I'm going to tell you. What's so funny?"
"I'm sorry," I said, "it's just that, when people learn I write horror stories, they tend to one of two reactions. Either they tell me they don't read them—don't like them, usually—or they feel compelled to tell me one of their own. I wonder if the same thing happens to mystery writers, or romance writers?"
"Right," Veronica said. "Even before Roger—even before his disappearance, I was trying to arrange what was happening to us into some kind of coherence, into a narrative that would make sense. After he was gone, it became a kind of obsession with me. No matter where I was or what I was doing—driving the car, watching TV, doing laundry, teaching a class—I would be going over what had happened, drawing connections among what seemed to be unrelated events, inferring motives and reactions, sometimes inventing scenes that I knew had to have taken place. For about a month—it was the first Christmas after Roger was gone—I wrote everything down. I spent day after day filling marble notebooks. I think I topped out at about four hundred pages of very tiny script, and I still hadn't come to terms with everything we'd been through. I still didn't understand it all. Every now and again, I go back to those notebooks; I revise them: crossing some words and sentences out, adding others in the margins, and in-between lines. By now, I'm not sure they're legible to anyone but me; their pages look more like some kind of abstract art than they do writing.
"Just now, in the shower, I was thinking about where to begin, wondering if I could take a short cut to the end. I was remembering the last full night Roger and I were together. About three in the morning, Roger left the bed and went outside. He was sleepwalking, which wasn't such a big deal—he'd been up at three to wander the house for weeks. This was the first time he'd walked out the front door, however, so I followed him. He walked around the house a few times, then stopped at the back lawn. Although it was the middle of summer, the air was freezing cold, winter-cold. Fifteen feet from where we stood, our breaths making white plumes, there was darkness. Not the normal dark of three a.m., but solid black, truncating the yard from right to left in front of us. It was the source of the tremendous cold, as if someone had erected an enormous wall of black ice behind the house.
"By this point, I was not as shocked at the sight of a huge black curtain hanging in my backyard as I otherwise would be. A lot of weird, which is to say, completely terrifying, stuff had been happening. Still, I moved closer to Roger, who was staring into the blackness as if he could distinguish something in it. 'There it is,' he said.
"I said, 'What is it?'
"'It's mine.'
"I didn't think I'd heard him. 'What?'
"'Me.' He continued gazing into the blackness.
"'You're yours?' I asked.
"'It's mine,' he said, and I understood him. 'Oh,' I said, 'you mean this.'
"'Me.'
"'It's yours and it's you.'
"'Where's my boy?'
"'Ted?'
"'We're supposed to work on his slider,' Roger said, hesitated. 'He never comes to see me.'
"'Ted.'
"Now Roger turned to me, although his eyes were blank. 'Do you know my boy?'
"'Not really.'
"'He used to be so good. We used to have such a time together. Not anymore.'
"'What happened to him?'
"'He died.'
"For reasons that had become important by then, I asked, 'How did he die?'
"'I locked him away,' Roger said. 'Threw away the key. Then he died.'
"'And he's still locked away?'
"From the corner of my eye, I saw movement. The wall of blackness had shifted, rippled as if it really was a gigantic curtain. If every square inch of my skin hadn't already been rigid with the cold, the sight of that shifting would have brought it out in instant goosebumps. Through the blackness, I thought I could see something—was that a person standing there? It was, a tall figure that seemed to be both behind and inside the curtain. I looked away. Now I was afraid, fear surging up the middle of my back, sending my heart galloping. I looked at Roger, who hadn't responded to my last question.
"He shrugged. He said, 'I have to assume. He won't tell me anything. He won't speak to me at all.'
"I didn't want to, but I glanced at the black wall. The shape there was drawing closer, growing more definite. My mouth was dry. 'Roger,' I said, 'Ted—"
"Roger's face twisted, and he was shouting. 'Where is he? What have you done with him? Where's my little boy? Where is my little boy? Where is my little boy?'"