STANDS A GOD WITHIN THE SHADOWS

Anne Bishop

1

Hesitant to leave the safety of my bedroom, where the windows were shuttered on the outside and let in nothing except a little light and the illusion of fresh air, I hovered in the doorway that opened onto the main chamber of my prison. It was a large, well-furnished room with comfortable chairs, a sofa, and tables of various shapes and sizes. The overlapping carpets were thick enough to challenge the cold that rose from the stone floor. The center of the room was clear of furniture and provided enough space to serve as a little dance floor or exercise area.

Not that I was diligent about exercise—or anything else for that matter. What difference did it make if I was sloppy fat and smelled or if I was trim and freshly bathed? He wasn’t going to care.

As I crossed the room, I kept my eyes averted from the one large window that had shutters on the inside— the one window that looked out on the land beyond my prison. The shutters were safely closed, but I still kept my eyes focused on the chair … and the mirror on the wall that matched the window’s size exactly.

I was forbidden to look at the world directly. My jailer wouldn’t tell me what the penalty would be if I disobeyed. He simply insisted that I would be cursed, and the implied threat was that I would not survive the punishment.

Some days I wondered whether not surviving would be such a bad thing. Would that really be worse than a lifetime of solitary confinement?

No. My confinement was not quite solitary.

I sat in the chair and closed my eyes. A moment later, as some device registered my weight in the chair, I heard the shutters pull back from the window. I opened my eyes, focused on the mirror, and breathed a sigh of relief as I looked upon the world.

I couldn’t figure out whether I was on the bottom floor of this gray tower or the top, but I suspected that, if viewed scientifically, the mirror shouldn’t be able to reflect what I saw regardless of the room’s position. Since I was a writer, a storyteller, and a dreamer, I ignored science and accepted the view.

A piece of the river, flowing clean and clear. Lilies growing near the bank, their buds swelling as they waited for their turn to bloom. A bright fuzz of green that indicated new grass. Then the section of dirt road framed by mirror and window. Beyond that, there was a scattering of trees and a lane that divided two fields, but they looked vague and out of focus.

“Fields of barley and rye?” I asked the mirror, thinking of the old poem.

“Is that what they should be?”

My pulse raced at the sound of his voice. Not becauseit was him, but because I was glad to hear anyone’s voice.

Steeling myself for whatever would be lurking in the deep alcove that hid the entrance to this prison, I turned my head and looked at the male figure half hidden in the shadows.

The horned god today, bare chested and barefoot, but wearing jeans that had the softness of long wear.

Oddly enough, the incongruity of his looks and his choice of clothing made it less easy to deny that he was what he seemed—one of the old gods who, for whatever reason, had decided to keep me as a pet.

“Good morning, Eleanor,” he said with the same quiet, courteous respect his voice always held when he spoke to me.

When I woke and found myself here and he asked me my name, I had told him I was Eleanor of Aquitaine, a small act of defiance and a shot of courage on my part to claim to be an imprisoned queen who was centuries gone.

He had accepted the name without question, which was when I began wondering a few things about him.

My keeper. My jailer. My only companion. He never came into the room. I had never felt the touch of his hand. Sometimes I wished he would try to touch me, just so I’d know that he was real and not an illusion created by a broken mind.

“I’m not Eleanor,” I said, fixing my eyes on the mirror and the world beyond the stone walls.

A silence that asked a question.

“I’m the lily maid.”

A different kind of silence before he said, “Ah. The Lady of Shalott.”

I struggled not to smile, pleased that he understood the reference since he understood so few of them. Then I got down to the business of watching the world reflected in the mirror.

Blue sky and some white, puffy clouds. No sign of rain.

Maybe tonight, I thought. That would make the spring flowers bloom.

Birds flashed in and out of the mirror. A man on horseback trotted down the road, heading for the village. Then a young woman on a bicycle rode by.

After that moment of distraction, I saw Peggy coming down the lane. Plump and solid, her quick walk covered the distance and brought her to the spot where the lane met the road. She crossed the road, looked up, and positioned herself dead center in the mirror. Then she set down the satchel she was carrying in one hand and held up the bouquet filling her other hand.

She was smiling, but even at this distance I could see a weight of sadness in that smile. She knew I was imprisoned in this tower. That was why she came and stood there every morning on her way to the village’s school. Maybe, unlike me, she even knew why I was imprisoned. But regardless of why I was there, Peggy would support a friend and do whatever she could to help—even if that meant standing on the edge of the road in all kinds of weather, waving to someone imprisoned in a tower that was set on an island in the middle of a river.

Peggy held up one flower at a time so that I could see them clearly. Daffodils, hyacinths, tulips. Crocus. Wild iris. But …

“They’re all white,” I murmured, trying to hold on to the pleasure of seeing flowers.

“Shouldn’t they be?” came the question from the shadows.

I shook my head. “They’re a celebration of spring. They should be yellow and orange and red and purple and pink. Even striped. And some,” I conceded, “should be white. But not all.”

I ignored his thoughtful silence and focused on the scene.

Robert rode up on his bicycle and stopped to chat with Peggy. He pointed to her satchel. She made a dismissive “it’s no trouble” wave of her hand that was so typical of Peggy it made me smile.

Robert pointed again, insistent. After going back and forth a couple more times, Peggy put the satchel in the empty carry basket attached to the back of his bicycle. The satchel would be on her desk at the school when she arrived, but she’d have been spared the trouble of lugging … whatever she was lugging to the school that day to show her students.

Another minute went by. Then Peggy waved to me and headed down the road to the village.

I spent the morning watching the shadow world reflected in the mirror. Birds. The sparkle of sunlight on the river. Clouds. A few people on the road, but anyone who worked in the village had already reported to their jobs.

Finally tired of staring at fields of grain, I stood up. In the moment before I closed my eyes and the lack of weight on the chair triggered the device that closed the shutters, the mirror reflected something else, something dark.

Something terrible.

A bad angle, I told myself. Nothing more. The mirrorwas positioned to let me see out the window when I was sitting. Ordinary things wouldn’t look the same when I was standing.

Despite what I told myself, I kept my eyes tightly closed until the shutters covered the window completely. Then I turned and walked to my bedroom.

“Will you come back to the mirror after your meal?” he asked.

I paused in the doorway but didn’t turn around to look at him. “I don’t know.”

The bed had been made, and there were clean towels in the bathroom. A meal had been laid out on a small table, a cover over the dish keeping the food hot. The book I was currently reading was next to the dish.

I didn’t know who tended these rooms. I never saw anyone but my jailer, but someone kept things tidy and filled the bookshelves with new offerings on a regular basis. And …

I lifted the cover on the dish and let out a whuff of pleased surprise. In the beginning of my imprisonment, all the food was gray and had a soft mealiness. It was nourishing enough but awful to look at. That was one of the reasons I began reading while I ate. Today’s roast beef, red potatoes, and broccoli and carrots were identifiable. Even their tastes were more distinctive.

After the meal, I spent the rest of the day in my bedroom, reading, sleeping, and listening to the music they had scrounged from somewhere. I didn’t go back to the mirror. Maybe I was mistaken, but when he had asked the question, I thought there had been a hint of yearning in his voice.

The next morning, when I looked in the mirror, Peggy held up a dazzling rainbow of spring flowers.

2

Weeks passed. In the evenings, I sometimes saw the moon reflected and marked the passage of days by its waxing and waning.

Were there others like me, imprisoned in the other towers? Even imprisoned here? Some nights I stamped on the floor, hoping to hear an answering thump that would confirm there was someone else trapped in this place. Some nights I stood near a window and screamed—and wondered if anyone could hear me.

Except him.

On those nights, I felt his presence in the alcove, but he still didn’t enter the room. Didn’t even speak to me.

Then one night …

I had finished dinner and the current book. My keepers had found some Celtic music, which was more to my taste, so I listened to music for a while. I put another disc in the player, then went over to the bookcase that held the “new” selection of books. I now had a bookcase of favorites that was never disturbed by whoever tended the rooms and a bookcase that rotated on a regular basis, offering me an eclectic mix of fiction and nonfiction.

A fat, leather-bound volume caught my attention. As I pulled it out, I noticed the cover was heavily stained and the pages had a rippled, swollen look. I opened the book and riffled through a few pages.

Dark stains, as if the book had fallen near a puddle of coffee or tea and no one had pulled it away before it had gotten a good soaking.

Not coffee or tea, I decided as I continued riffling the pages, not taking in the content. Then I hit a page …

Splashes. A spray of dark blotches on the paper. Not dark like coffee; dark like old …

Memories came back in flashing images, like seeing a fast slideshow of stills from a movie that had frightened you badly as a child.

I dropped the book and screamed.

“Not true,” I panted as I rushed out of the bedroom, stopping when I reached the chair positioned before the mirror. “It’s not true.”

I took a step, intending to sit in the chair. Then I turned and looked at the window.

Rage filled me and with it, an insanity that eclipsed madness. I’d been told I would be cursed if I looked upon the world directly. So be it. The answer could not be found in the mirror.

Since the shutters had been opened mechanically each day, I had expected them to resist being opened by hand.

Not so. They flew open with almost no effort.

I looked. I saw. I screamed again, but this sound was full of denial and terror.

I slammed the shutters closed and …

“Eleanor? Eleanor!”

He stood at the alcove’s threshold, scanning the room until he found me pressed into a corner, curled in a tight ball.

“Eleanor, I’m sorry. They didn’t know, didn’t understand they shouldn’t bring you such things. The book is gone. Eleanor?”

“Go away.”

The shock on his face was real, but even that wasn’t enough to make him step into the room.

Or maybe he’s unable to step into the room.

He studied the shutters over the window as if trying to decide whether they were in the exact same position as when he’d seen them earlier in the day. Then his body sagged. His head sank forward.

“Eleanor,” he said as he took a step back.

It wasn’t the sorrow in his voice that prodded me. It was the defeat that made me call out, “Wait!”

Still there, but I knew with a heart-deep certainty that if he took another step back into the shadows, he would be gone forever.

“Just for tonight,” I told him. “I need to be alone tonight. Come back in the morning.”

A hesitation followed by a sigh of relief. “In the morning,” he said. Then he was gone.

I uncurled slowly. Holding on to my heart and my courage, I went back to the window and opened the shutters.

No fields, no trees, no grass or flowers. The river flowed sluggishly, choked with bloated, decaying bodies.

Even after all these weeks—maybe months by now—the river was still choked with bodies.

Had some fool finally pushed the button that began the end of the world? Had some storm been Earth’s answer to global warming and toxic waste?

Something cataclysmic that caused a chain reaction. Unstoppable once it began. The end of the world I had known. Not even the damn cockroaches had survived.

I couldn’t remember the how or why. Maybe that was a blessing. When you’re the only survivor, those questions don’t matter anymore.

I turned away from the window and walked over to the mirror. It showed me the same image, the same desolation.

Was that the curse? Had I torn away the veil of magic that had given me the illusion that a piece of the world had survived?

What had I been seeing in the mirror?

Now that I no longer blindly accepted what I’d been seeing, I remembered that Peggy had been killed in a car accident several years ago. And Robert? I saw him as I remembered him—a friend of my youth—when he should look middle-aged if I were seeing something besides a memory. As for the land …

Country village just down the road. I couldn’t see it, but I knew it was there. Something more like the Avonlea in the Anne of Green Gables stories than Arthur’s Camelot, but pieces of both those places could be found in the streets and houses and public buildings.

And what about him? He came to me most often as the Celtic horned god—the Green Man, the Lord of the Hunt. An earthy, primal male. But he came in other forms as well, and the only reason I knew it was him was because his voice didn’t change along with his face or body shape.

What was he? Some old earth spirit that had returned to try to mend a broken world? An alien from another planet whose people were trying to keep the few surviving humans alive and sane for however many years they had left to live?

When I told him to go away, I’d frightened him. Truly frightened him. Why?

Because he needs something from me.

I closed the shutters and returned to the bedroom. The book was gone, as he’d said. But the thought of selecting another book from those shelves made me tremble, so I kicked off my shoes and lay down on the bed fully clothed.

Slowly I became aware of the music that was playing—had been playing in the background.

Hammered dulcimer and other string instruments playing the songs of Turlough O’Carolan, a blind Irish harper and bard who had lived centuries ago. I recognized the song “Mabel Kelly,” which had been one of my favorites. I got up long enough to program the player to keep repeating that song. As I listened, the music lanced a wound that had been festering in my heart, and my quiet tears washed the wound clean.

The world I had known was gone, but another world existed—a shadow world I could only see reflected in the mirror. A world that, somehow, had been layered over the real one.

Real world? I was a writer and a dreamer. A storyteller. I had never been chained to the “real world.” And since I couldn’t touch either one, why should I let desolation be given the solidity of the word “real?”

As the music and the night flowed on, I made some choices, found some answers. Perhaps they were not factually accurate, but they were answers I could live with. That still left me with a question.

When he looked at me, what did he see? Who was I that he thought me so important to his people’s survival?

3

The next morning he was waiting at the threshold, wearing a different form.

I walked to the center of the room and studied him, trying to determine if this was a message.

The Celtic horned god was primal, earthy. This male had a youthful maturity and a handsome face with the Black Irish coloring of blue eyes and black hair. The white, feathered wings brushed the sides of the alcove, and the white jumpsuit he was wearing …

“Angels are androgynous,” I told him.

“Andro … ” He frowned as he tried to find the tail end of the word.

“They have no gender.”

“No … ?”

I circled my hand at a height that vaguely aligned with his groin. “No.”

As I walked over to the chair, knowing I was about to change the rules, I heard him mutter, “I don’t think I like this form.”

Hope. If I’d had to guess at the reason he’d chosen this form from the myriad images or symbols humans had created over millennia, I would have said it was meant to symbolize hope. And hope must walk in the world.

“It’s a good form,” I said. “As necessary in the world as your other form.” I hesitated, then added, “I’m not an expert on angels, so I suppose the ones who deal directly with people would need to look more like people and have … ” Again I waved vaguely at his groin.

His sigh was gusty and heartfelt. Then he offered a hesitant smile and said, “Good morning, Eleanor.”

I met his smile with a grim expression. “There is something I must show you.”

I sat down in the chair and watched the shutters being drawn back from the window.

I glanced at him and noticed that his skin had turned sickly pale as he realized what the mirror revealed. He made some inarticulate sound of despair.

I focused on the image in the mirror. “This,” I said in a clear, firm voice that would turn words into the stones of truth, “is the Land of Armageddon. It is a dark place. A terrible place born of death and destruction. What oozes out of its festering skin is dangerous, deadly. Know the names of the creatures who call this place home.”

“I will learn them,” he said, his voice stripped of everything, even hope. Especially hope.

I nodded to acknowledge that I’d heard him. “This is the Land of Armageddon. It is a dark place. A terrible place. It is also far away”—I turned and looked him straight in the eyes—“and it will never again be seen in the mirror.”

His eyes widened as he realized what I’d just told him.

I stood up. The shutters closed.

“I must rest today.”

He hesitated. “I should come back tomorrow?”

“Yes.” I smiled. “Come back tomorrow.” I headed back to my bedroom, truly in need of rest. But I paused at the doorway. “If they should come across books about gardening—books that have pictures of flowers and shrubs and trees, I would like to see them. And books on yoga.”

“Yoga?” He tried out the word.

I spelled it for him, and he nodded.

He was gone before my bedroom door fully closed.

Gardening and yoga.

I wasn’t sure why I had survived or what I was doing in this place, but if I was going to keep the Land of Armageddon far away, it was time to start setting a good example.

4

During the afternoons, I did yoga. At night I danced to O’Carolan’s music and envisioned a gentler world than had ever existed. I pored over gardening books, fixing the look of flowers and trees in my mind’s eye, focusing on how they would look in their own particular seasons.

I remembered the faces of friends and family, conjuring them out of memory until I could recall their voices, their particular ways of laughing, the way each of them moved.

And I saw each one of them walk down that little stretch of road that was framed by window and mirror, pausing to wave before they headed for the village and another kind of life.

It wasn’t much different from world building for a story, I thought one afternoon while I was trying to figure out what fruits could be grown in this climate— and then wondered if that was even a consideration anymore. Then I thought, no, it was more like being a stage manager and director for an improv theater. I supplied a description and character sketches for the people and a stage and props that had as much detail as I could bring into focus. After that, it was up to the beings who took on the roles to interact with each other.

So I did yoga, I danced, I studied.

The sloppy fat burned away. The meals, once I concentrated on the gardening books that contained fruits and vegetables, became tastier and offered more variety.

Every day he was there within moments of my leaving the bedroom. He alternated between horned god and angel, on occasion trying on other forms to see what reaction I would have.

The minotaur form, after leaving a steaming pile in the alcove, was banished from the tower but was allowed to roam the countryside as a “natural disaster.”

After all, even the most benign story had to have some conflict.

The night I saw a unicorn cantering up the lane between the fields brought tears to my eyes and took my breath away.

The seasons turned. The fields were nothing but stubble under snow. The river froze. Through the cold winter days, I talked to him about the feel of things, the smell of things, the taste of things.

And then, when the first cracks appeared in the river’s ice, I tried to expand my horizon.

5

“Why can’t it show the fields on the other side of the village?” I asked for the fourth time. My frustration rose in direct proportion to his strained patience.

“The mirror can only reflect what can be seen from this window,” he replied.

But it doesn’t reflect what is seen from the window, I thought bitterly.

“I cannot change the nature of the mirror,” he said after several minutes of stony silence.

His tone came awfully close to a plea, and I felt the jolt of his words. But I still wasn’t ready to concede. Except …

The nature of the mirror.

I had thought that because I was creating the stage set, what I saw reflected in the mirror could be changed simply by wanting it to change. But I had forgotten a basic truth that every storyteller knows: Whether it is science or magic that creates the wonders in a story, there are rules that must be followed— and there are limits to what an object can do.

That’s what he had been telling me—the mirror could only do this much and no more.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, already feeling the deep ache of disappointment.

Hours passed. I kept my eyes on the mirror but didn’t see anything.

Finally he asked, “Why did you want to see another field?”

“I didn’t. Not exactly.” How to explain when I still wasn’t sure what I was talking to every day. “I just thought there might be a field on the other side of the village where the festivals were held and …” And I could see more of the people. I miss the people.

Of course, I’d be looking at empty ground for much of the year, so maybe seeing a handful of people go up and down the road every day was a better choice after all.

“Festivals?” he asked. “What is festivals?”

As an unspoken apology, because he really did try to make my confinement as comfortable as possible, I told him about fairs and festivals. I told him about competitions that would be typical of a country fair. I told him about the game of horseshoes. I explained the concept of picnics. I tried to remember the various small celebrations humans had enjoyed, assigning one to every month. And feeling whimsical and impulsive, I told him about the famous rodeo tournaments that had been held in some villages.

His delight was a tangible thread between us, and his thirst for details melded with my flights of imagination.

For the first time, I saw him as something more than a jailer. I saw him as a friend.

When I finally stood up, stiff from so many hours in the chair, he stepped back into the shadows.

“Wait,” I said, rushing to the alcove.

He stepped up to the threshold, his alarmed expression warning me even before I felt the invisible barrier that separated the alcove from my rooms.

Whatever supplied me with breathable air, food, and clean water did not extend beyond my rooms. Did not extend into the alcove.

Which meant that whatever he was didn’t need those things the way I did. Or maybe it meant that the environment that sustained me would be poison to him.

That was one explanation for why he had never tried to enter the room. But there was another explanation, one I had feared from the very beginning of my imprisonment.

“Are you real?” I asked.

A long pause before he whispered, “I don’t know.”

Then he was gone. I heard no door close, saw nothing change in the alcove, but I knew he was gone.

Throughout a long, sleepless night, I thought about that moment, and just before I finally fell asleep, I realized something. Even though I was the one who had asked the question, he had been hoping I would also be the one who had the answer.

6

They didn’t plant barley and rye that year. At least, not in those fields.

They made a Place of Festivals.

Of course, I couldn’t see more than the strip of road and land that could be seen in the mirror. Not with my eyes anyway. But he came each morning with more information about what was being built and where it was in relation to the road, and as I put the pieces together, I could visualize the place.

They had a racetrack that served as a place for athletic foot races as well as horse races. They had dug a reflection pond in the center of the racetrack and would use it as a skating rink during the cold months.

They had other areas for games and competitions, but like the racetrack, those were things I couldn’t see.

Closer to the road and on one side of the lane, they built an open-sided pavilion that served as both concert hall and dance floor.

They built a small stone building on the other side of the lane. There was a bench along the side of the building that faced my tower, giving me a clear view of whoever sat there.

I understood the purpose of every structure except the stone building, but no matter how I phrased the question, he refused to tell me what it was used for.

I stopped asking once I realized that structure had a deep significance for him or his people. It was enough that the building drew the villagers to my little piece of the world.

They seemed less uniform than when I’d first begun viewing the world through the mirror. Peggy still came every morning. Sometimes she sat alone on the bench outside the building, but, more often, someone else came along to chat for a few minutes. Friends who were no more than shadows and memories I held in my heart were alive again, looking exactly as I’d last seen them. But there were others as well, who had been conjured from some other well of memory. There were the angels, who varied in coloring but were all handsome, well-endowed young men. There were no female angels, but there were fairies, who were equally diverse in coloring and just as lovely as their angel counterparts. There were several who walked in the skin of the old Celtic god and seemed to be the groundskeepers for the Place of Festivals.

Was it their confusion or mine that had declared all these things equally real?

Did it matter?

7

Every month they held a Major Festival and a Minor Festival. They used some human celebrations, but most seemed to have no significance for them, despite the way most of them looked. So they didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but there was a Crab Grass Festival in the summer. When I asked why, he said his people remembered crab grass causing a great deal of excitement in certain types of males, so it had to be important. Therefore, its existence was now formally celebrated.

The rodeo tournament was a dubious success. There was no calf roping or bronc riding, and those participating in the jousting tried to strike a target attached to bales of hay rather than strike each other.

When he told me about the barrel races, I agreed that, even though they were bulkier and not as fast on their feet, the centaurs did have an unfair advantage over the Quarter Horses because two heads were not always better than one and that next year there should be a separate event for each kind of participant.

They had a Festival of Trout, a Festival of Deer, and a Festival of Turnips.

I understood the trout and the deer. I didn’t want to know about the turnips.

“Apples,” I said, as I watched Michael and his ever-present toolbox enter the stone building. “Next year you must have an Apple Harvest.”

“Apple?”

He had become braver, this god who stood in the shadows. More often than not, he stood closer to the barrier, and his expressions were easier to read.

I closed my eyes and remembered apple—the glossy red skin, the white flesh of the fruit, the sweet juice, and the satisfying crunch. Of course, there were green apples and tarter varieties, but the reds had been my favorites, and for a few moments I relived the experience of eating an apple.

That fall, people gathered at the small orchard that had appeared near the stone building. I spent the day watching them pick apples. Michael, Robert, and William organized the pickers and the distribution of ladders. Nadine and Pat organized the baskets that every family in the village had brought, fairly distributing the fruit, while Julie and Peggy bustled around the orchard with pitchers and glasses, offering water to the pickers. Lorna sat in the shade, playing her harp to entertain people as they came and went, and Merri and Annemarie entertained the children with games and stories.

I barely left the chair that day. And he never left the alcove.

I wasn’t sure what he could see from that angle, but he seemed able to watch the reflection just as I did. That day, when I finally forced myself to look away from the mirror …

I had never seen him so happy.

That evening, when I reluctantly took a break, I found a bowl of ripe red apples on the table along with my dinner.

8

Seasons came and went, counting out the measured beat of years. The people in the mirror didn’t change. Neither did my companion. But I was a canvas upon which time painted.

My health was failing. My body was failing. A walker that had been found somewhere allowed me to shuffle from bedroom to chair. The day was coming when I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. The day was coming…

“What happens when I’m no longer here?” I asked him after I had gotten comfortably settled in my chair.

“No longer here?”

“I’m old,” I told him gently. “I’m dying. I won’t be here much longer.” My gnarled hand pointed at the mirror. “What happens to that when I’m gone?”

A long silence. Then, “Eleanor? Look out the window.”

I shook my head.

“Please,” he said. “Look out the window.”

“Just got myself comfortable,” I grumbled. But I hoisted myself out of the chair and shuffled over to the window.

The shutter mechanism was a little stiffer than I remembered. Or maybe I had simply gotten weaker. I got one side of the shutters opened and decided that was enough.

Then I looked out the window and struggled to open the other side.

The Place of Festivals.

Peggy sat on the bench, chatting with Pat and William while Merri crouched nearby, pointing out some wildflowers to her two daughters. Robert and Michael and one of the angels were exchanging news. Nadine was in the Pavilion with Julie and Lorna, organizing baskets of something.

“Must be a minor festival,” I muttered. But I couldn’t remember which one. Couldn’t even remember the month.

Didn’t matter. The people were all there.

“How?” I asked, not willing to look away. “How can I see them?”

“They’re real now. At least, real in this other way.”

I shuffled the walker a little so I could look at him but still easily watch the world.

“When Armageddon swallowed the world, some of the Makers survived. Not many, but some.”

“Makers?”

“Beings like you.”

Like me. “What are you?”

He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh.

“Are you aliens from another planet?”

That surprised a laugh out of him. “No, Eleanor. We have been here since the world was young, a part of the world but always apart from the world. We did not have form, could not inhabit the space that was already filled. So we only had the shadows, the … reflections … of the world you knew. We existed, but we could not live. Not like you.

“After Armageddon, the world was empty. There were no reflections. We did not want to exist in a dead place, so when we found some of the Makers, we used what we are to create small places where they could survive.”

Four gray walls and four gray towers. A confinement shaped to order by the fevered dreams of a mind trying to save itself from self-destruction.

“You used an image from my mind, didn’t you?” I asked. “Something I had projected as a tolerable kind of prison.”

“Yes,” he said quietly.

“So not every place has the lily maid’s mirror.”

“No, but each place had something in which to see the world reflected.”

“Why?”

“When the Makers looked upon the world directly, they could not see anything but the dead place.”

The Land of Armageddon.

But here, now, the river flowed clean and clear. Lilies bloomed along the banks. The people I’d known …

“I provided you with shapes to inhabit?”

“That was all most of the Makers were able to do. But a few, like you … an … echo … filled your remembering, so there was more than shape. There was … feeling.”

An echo of friends long gone but still remembered. A village still inhabited by these good people. That wasn’t a bad legacy to give to the world.

“Since you’re answering questions, will you tell me what that stone building is?” I asked.

Some strong emotion, there and gone, filled his face. “A … temple?” He paused, looking thoughtful. “A place to sit quietly and give thanks.”

“To you?”

He jolted. “Me?”

“Aren’t you the god who stands within the shadows?”

He looked shocked.

“No, Eleanor,” he stammered. “I am not the god here.”

My turn to feel shock.

“They call you the Lady of Shadows,” he said quietly. “You are one of the Makers who dreams the world, and the reflection of that dreaming is the place in which we live.”

I wasn’t sure what to say. If I’d known I’d been assigned the role of deity, would I have done things differently?

Well, I wouldn’t have mentioned something as stupid as the rodeo tournament, but that didn’t last for more than a few years anyway.

As I mulled over my promotion from prisoner to god, I thought of something. “If I’m the Maker, what are you?”

“Companion?” He pondered for a minute, clearly trying to put his thoughts in order. “These places can only hold one Maker. It was all we could do. But we knew that Makers needed company, so some, like me, were chosen to remain with the Makers.”

“Remain? Don’t you go down to the village when you leave here?”

“No. I cannot leave this place. I am not like the Tenders who take care of your rooms. They can come and go. But I act as … go-between? … so I, too, am in between while I am companion. Once I leave here, I cannot come back.”

“Then how did the people in the village know any of the things I’ve told you, described to you?”

“I was go-between. There were ways to communicate, much as you and I do.”

I had thought he’d been free to come and go, but he had been as much a prisoner as I. Had been as isolated as I. All these years, he’d had no one for company but me.

“So I ask the question again: what happens when I’m gone?”

“I will go down to the village and live with the others,” he replied. “Our place will stay as it was made.”

We kept silent for a while and watched the world, already having said too much—and maybe not quite enough.

When my old legs got too tired to stand, I shuffled back to the chair where I could watch the world in comfort.

“There is something I would like to ask you,” he said once I was settled. “We could make a starting place that could be seen as reflection. Besides what we wanted for ourselves, we had wanted to give some comfort, some hope that the world was not so dead. All the Makers were warned not to look out the window. All were warned that they would be cursed if they did. And yet all of them looked. Some resisted for a long time. Some didn’t try to resist the temptation for a single turning of the sun. They looked—and nothing was the same. They stopped Making. Some broke and died. Some turned dark, and their Making was a terrible thing.”

“What happened to your people?” I asked. “The ones who were caught in the dark Making?”

“They did not inhabit the shapes, and the Making had no substance and faded away. But you. You looked, and you were still able to see the reflection in the mirror. You still continued Making. How did you do this?”

How could I explain? It was more than being a storyteller, more than being accustomed to seeing worlds that didn’t exist anywhere except inside my head.

An … echo … filled your remembering, so there was more than shape. There was … feeling.

That’s what he had said. And that, I realized, was the answer.

“When I looked in the mirror,” I told him, “I didn’t see with my eyes. I saw with my heart.”

A moment’s silence. “Ah,” he said, as if I had explained a great mystery.

We watched the world. I couldn’t tell if there was supposed to be a specific festival. People came and went, but the people I had loved remained, staying around the pavilion or the stone building, or crossing the road to stand on the river’s bank and raise a hand in greeting.

Or farewell?

“This place,” I said. “It’s an island in a river?”

“Yes.”

“What do you call it?”

He smiled. “The Island of Shalott.”

“And the village?”

The smile faded, and a touch of anxiety took its place. “It was never named.”

I hadn’t understood my role. I’d thought of it as the village, assuming it already had a name that I was not aware of.

A legacy. A word that would hold shining hope within its sound.

“Camelot,” I said. “The village is called Camelot.”

A hesitation. Then, timidly, he asked, “Do I have a name?”

All these years he’d spent patiently waiting. Exiled by choice in order to give as much as he could, not just for my sake but for his own people. I thought of the faces and forms he’d worn over the years.

“You are Lancelot Angel Greenman,” I said.

His eyes widened. “So many names.”

“You earned them.”

Stunned pleasure.

Not much time left. But enough.

“I want you to do one last thing for me, Lancelot.”

“Anything that I can.”

“I want you to go down to the village. I want you to leave now.”

He jerked forward. Reached out. Almost touched the barrier. “No.”

“Yes. I want to know you’re safely in the village. I want to see you in the mirror, with the rest of my friends. Do this for me.”

He lowered his arm but still hesitated. “What form should I wear?”

“You only get to have one form once you go down there?”

He nodded.

“Then you must choose for yourself who you want to be.”

He took a step back into the shadows. Took another. “Thank you for our piece of the world,” he said softly.

The silence and the solitude had a weight it had never had before. He was gone from the tower.

A few minutes later, a young man stepped onto the part of the road framed by the mirror. He had black hair and blue eyes. He had the face of an angel, but he’d given up the wings of that form in order to look more like the others. When he turned toward the tower and raised a hand in greeting, there was something in his smile and his stance that told me he had kept a bit of the old god too, at least in heart.

I watched him as the others came over to greet him. I saw his face when the simple act of being touched by the others confirmed that he no longer just existed in the shadows; now he truly lived in that world.

I saw his joy.

Then I breathed out a sigh—and saw no more.