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In the Light
of Further Data




GATESBURG, ILL., FEBRUARY 22nd. Dr. Richard Roswell, director of the Gatesburg Medical Research Center, announced today the realization of an age-old scientific dream, the regeneration of  limbs and bodily organs, using implanted “tissue-seeds.” Much interest has already been aroused by published reports of research in this field by Dr. Roswell and his associates. Beginning with studies upon tadpoles, and extensive experimentation on mice and hamsters, the method was last year proven eminently practical in the successful regeneration of the injured lower trunk of the elephant “Millie.” Since then, it has been used successfully on chimpanzees. In answer to questions, Dr. Roswell expressed his belief that his tissue implants will in time come to be very widely used, particularly in the regeneration of teeth.


HARBRIDGE, MAY 2nd. Dr. G. Puthrie Banks, dynamic, hard-driving president of fast-growing Oxnam Technological Institute, today addressed an audience of several thousand gathered to dedicate the new OTI Advanced Nuclear Research Laboratories. Calling upon the undergraduates present to “pursue the creative quest for excellence,” President Banks pointed out that “nothing is more important than that the new generation of our nation’s leaders prepare fully for the trials that lie ahead.” President Banks added that “to so prepare, the most requisite need is the acquisition of true, accurate, and detailed factual knowledge. The sole source of such knowledge is Science. Thus, in a very broad and meaningful sense, we may say, ‘The Source of Truth is Science.’”


HARBRIDGE, JULY 2nd. OTI President G. Puthrie Banks today publicly denied that he had said “Science is God.” President Banks stated that the charge, made by a group of prominent clergymen, “evidently grew out of a misconstruction of a speech in which I merely pointed out what is perfectly obvious, namely, ‘The source of truth is Science’.”


CLINTON, W. VA., OCTOBER 4th. Doctors report that Lyell Smith, a forty-two-year old coal miner seriously injured in a mine cave-in, has recovered partial use of his left foot. The foot was regenerated by the Roswell implant method, and hopes are high that the operation will prove a complete success.


FORD HILL, VA., FEBRUARY 2nd. Dr. Raymond Schmeissner, of the Ford Hill Professional Dental Clinic, reports forty-six successful dental implants since the Roswell implant program was started last fall.


CAMP BEDFORD, PA., MARCH 18th. Representatives of several interdenominational church groups today released the final draft of the “Bedford Declaration” which reads in part, “the Source of truth, today as in all ages, is not to be confused with any single channel by which a particular truth reaches man.” This was believed to be a slap at OTI President Banks, who has proclaimed Science the “Source of Truth.”


GATESBURG, ILL., AUGUST 12th. More than five hundred persons in the U. S. have undergone Roswell implant treatment, according to data forwarded to the Gatesburg Medical Research Center. Dr. Roswell’s most famous patient, the elephant Millie, is reported in excellent condition.


ST. LOUIS, OCTOBER 23rd. Dentists meeting here report using the Roswell implant method with “speedy and invariable” success to grow new teeth after extractions. The process is reported “more complicated but still very satisfactory” if some time has already elapsed, allowing the gum to heal where the tooth is to be implanted.


HARBRIDGE, FEBRUARY 28th. OTI President G. Puthrie Banks, angrily replying to continued clerical criticism, today charged that “certain religious so-called ‘leaders’ must be strangers to the modern world. The distinctive flavor of modern living is clearly due to the unlimited application of the advances of Science. Why should we not pay due homage to the source of these great advances?”


GATESBURG, ILL., MARCH 12th. More than five thousand persons in the U. S. have undergone Roswell Implant therapy, according to data forwarded to the Gatesburg Medical Research Center. No failures or complications have been reported.


MARION SPRINGS, ILL., APRIL 16th. Philosopher Michael James Henning, asked about the current religio-scientific controversy, stated that “truth, like the universe, has a number of different regions and aspects. The most expert familiarity with one region or aspect does not mean that an otherwise mortal man is omniscient.” Philosopher Henning charged both sides with “airs of omniscience,” but said that “Dr. Banks’ extreme and widely-publicized position, in presenting science as the sole source of worthwhile knowledge, could have peculiarly unpleasant repercussions in the event of some large-scale scientific debacle.” Because of the growing predominance of “scientific and pseudo-scientific methods,” Mr. Henning pointed out, “the probability of such a failure increases yearly.”


GATESBURG, ILL., MAY 2nd. The Gatesburg Medical Research Center revealed today that over twenty thousand persons have benefited from Roswell implant therapy. Most of this work has been dental. All of it has shown “a degree of success close to one hundred per cent.”


HARBRIDGE, MAY 16th. Embattled OTI President G. Puthrie Banks, after a meeting with the trustees, stated today that he is “not opposed to religion as such,” and that his statement that “Science is the source of truth,” was not intended to mean that “Science is God.” “Metaphysics and religion,” Dr. Banks added, “have brought considerable solace to many persons in the past, and will doubtless continue to do so in the future.”


GATESBURG, ILL., DECEMBER 15th. The Gatesburg Medical Research Center revealed today that nearly two hundred thousand persons have profited from Nobel-prize winner Dr. Richard Roswell’s tissue-implant therapy. Headquarters of the Gatesburg National Dental Crusade predict that in the coming year “nearly fifty per cent of those suffering the effects of serious dental deterioration will be restored to a normal condition” thanks to the Roswell treatment. The Crusade announced plans for the mass-treatment of school children, and reported “substantial success” in the initial phases of the national fund-raising drive.


HARBRIDGE, JANUARY 19th. OTI President G. Puthrie Banks spoke this evening at the Northeast Regional Kickoff Dinner of the Gatesburg National Dental Crusade. President Banks pictures Science as “the source of that truth and power of action that has lifted man up out of the ruck of Medieval ignorance, poverty, illness, and despair. Once universally misunderstood, today Science goes forth like an army in magnificence and grandeur, led by such generals as Dr. Roswell, to conquer the ancient enemies of mankind.”


CAMP BEDFORD, PA., MARCH 4th. Angry spokesmen for the Bedford interdenominational conference accused OTI president Banks of “deifying science” and “mistaking a technique for a kind of beneficent supernatural entity.” Dr. Banks, the group charged, is “crystallizing the attitude, already painfully in evidence, that ‘science can do no wrong.’” Such an attitude, the Bedford group charged, is “emotional, partisan, and totally devoid of so-called ‘scientific objectivity.’”


HARBRIDGE, JUNE 20th. First patient at the Gatesburg Crusade Clinic here was Dr. G. Puthrie Banks, dynamic president of OTI. President Banks declared that he has “one hundred per cent faith in the scientific method,” and expects to throw away his dental plates in the near future.


PHILADELPHIA, AUGUST 15th. The Gatesburg clinics in this city reported treating their fifty thousandth patient this morning. Implant therapy, the clinics report, is “fast and reliable.”


GATESBURG, ILL., SEPT. 30th. National Headquarters of the Gatesburg National Dental Crusade announced today that with incomplete reports on hand, the Crusade “has given over five million persons a new lease on dental health.” Crusade spokesmen criticized “superstitionists” who “refuse to give their children permission to receive the benefits of this modern blessing.”


HARBRIDGE, OCTOBER 6th. OTI’s dynamic president G. Puthrie Banks today smilingly displayed a mouthful of new teeth, grown from transplants by the Roswell method. He cited the success as a measure of “the growing omnipotence of an expanding Science, which has enabled man to become master of the forces of nature in the modern world.”


NEW YORK, DECEMBER 10th. Sociologists report that according to recent surveys, research scientists have climbed to the number one spot in terms of public respect and admiration. Second are dentists, and third, physicians.


GATESBURG, ILL., MARCH 26th. Crusade Headquarters announced today that through their intensive efforts, over fifteen million persons have “received the blessings of truly modern medical science.” Charges of graft in the program have been strenuously denied.


HARBRIDGE, MAY 16th. Dynamic, youthful OTI president G. Puthrie Banks, replying angrily to continued criticism from many clerical sources, today declared in his speech dedicating the university’s new Roswell Medical Research Center, that “religion, metaphysics, and philosophy are outflanked, outmoded forces in the world of today. Today Science is the principal, if not sole, source and repository of useful knowledge and fruitful techniques.”


GATESBURG, ILL., AUGUST 19th. Crusade headquarters announced today that over twenty million persons have attended the Crusade’s clinics. Continuing rumors of graft were branded “scurrilous and anti-humanitarian.”


GRAND FERRY, IOWA, SEPTEMBER 16th. “Millie” the circus elephant, for years the favorite of children all over the country, provides a new and unusual attraction these days. Millie’s trunk, the lower portion of which was regenerated several years ago by the Roswell implant method, for some weeks this summer was swollen and looked “peculiar.” Millie’s keepers were later dumbfounded to discover that the Roswell-treated portion of the trunk was turning into twins, the two portions being joined at the base to the uninjured part of the trunk. Asked if they would seek veterinary care for the elephant, circus spokesmen said they see no need. “This way, she’s a bigger attraction. The trunk don’t seem to bother her, and she really draws people in.” Both portions of the trunk move together, in exactly the same way, as if they were one.


GATESBURG, ILL., SEPTEMBER 17th. Dr. Richard Roswell, when reached early this morning with news of the elephant Millie’s twin trunk, stated that he was “appalled.” Assured that the report was not a joke, Dr. Roswell stated that he will go to Grand Ferry at once to examine the elephant.

GRAND FERRY, IOWA, SEPTEMBER 18th. Dr. Richard Roswell, world-renowned medical-research scientist, today examined the circus elephant “Millie,” one of the first large mammals to receive the Roswell tissue-implant treatment. Following the examination, Dr. Roswell, haggard and uncommunicative, left town immediately.


GATESBURG, ILL., SEPTEMBER 19th. The offices of the Gatesburg National Dental Crusade are deserted today. It has proved impossible to contact anyone connected with the movement.


CLINTON, W. VA., SEPTEMBER 24th. Lyell Smith, 45-year-old coal miner whose left foot was regenerated four years ago by the Roswell tissue-implant method, today told reporters that in recent weeks the foot has become red and swollen, “looks funny,” and seems to “itch inside.”


GATESBURG, ILL., OCTOBER 6th. Dr. Richard Roswell today announced successful surgical removal, in a careful four-hour operation, of the extra foot of a West Virginia coal miner who four years ago received the Roswell implant treatment to regenerate this same left foot. Doctors who have studied the case say the extra foot was “functional, but suffered from a lack of circulation.” Dr. Roswell explained that the nerves and blood vessels branched at the site of the original tissue implant, thus dividing the blood supply. Asked how the foot could have appeared normal for several years, and then in the space of a few weeks could have begun to duplicate itself, Dr. Roswell pointed out that “far more striking changes take place in the developing embryo,” and the tissue-implant method “relies on related phenomena.” There is, he said, apparently a build-up over the four-year period of “some chemical substance which triggers this second regeneration of the part or organ concerned.” Asked if there would be yet a third such regeneration, Dr. Roswell stated that there was “as yet insufficient data to answer the question.” Asked whether persons who have had their teeth regenerated would find themselves growing duplicate sets of teeth after the original regeneration, Dr. Roswell answered the he “would presume so. All the data point to it.” Asked further how the condition could be corrected, Dr. Roswell replied that “surgical removal of at least one, and probably both, sets of teeth would be indicated.”


GATESBURG, ILL., OCTOBER 8th. A mob smashed and burned the deserted headquarters of the Gatesburg National Dental Crusade here last night. Today, National Guard troops with bayonets fixed surround the Gatesburg Medical Research Center to protect it against threatened violence. An estimated twenty-five million persons have received Roswell tissue therapy in the intensive drive following its first public use four years ago.


WASHINGTON, D. C., DECEMBER 14th. A meeting of prominent physicians and dental surgeons broke up today without issuing any report. The meeting was originally called to make recommendations on “improving the medical image.”


GATESBURG, ILL., APRIL 14th. Dr. Richard Roswell today stated that “many reports now available prove conclusively that duplication of teeth follows the same pattern as twinning of other organs or parts.” Dr. Roswell noted that at present the only satisfactory treatment is “extraction of the tooth prior to twinning, as the human jaw is peculiarly unsuited to the retention of two sets of teeth at the same time.” Dr. Roswell admitted that extraction of the tooth “involves unusual difficulties,” because the tooth, being still “perfectly healthy from the physiological viewpoint, resists extraction.” That is, the tooth won’t let go. Dr. Roswell expressed confidence in the new compound-leverage devices developed to deal with the problem. Dr. Roswell advised general anesthesia in all cases.


CAMP BEDFORD, MAY 6th. The Bedford Interdenominational Leadership Conference today lambasted OTI president G. Puthrie Banks for his “airs of omniscience that have led millions into a kind of dental purgatory that is just a foretaste of what lies ahead for those who rely exclusively on science to solve their problems.”


MARION SPRINGS, ILL., MAY 14th. Philosopher Michael James Henning today charged the controversial president of the Oxnam Technological Institute, G. Puthrie Banks, with a “disastrous misinterpretation of the function and position of science in the modern world.” Science, said philosopher Henning, is “said to be based strictly on observable facts. As facts are infinite, however, and the human mind, as we know it, is finite, we are immediately brought face-to-face with a dilemma. Even with the most advanced present or foreseeable devices and procedures, it remains impossible to take account of all facts, known or as yet unknown, which may be relevant to a given question. Thus a process of selection becomes absolutely unavoidable. Now, selection is a function of judgment, and judgment is not, and cannot be, strictly scientific. There is, then, a nonscientific element in all scientific findings. This nonscientific element is inescapable, at the same time that it is nonfactual and necessarily fallible.

“There are,” philosopher Henning concludes, “two lessons to be learned from this. The first is that as careful attention must be given to the use of good judgment as to the gathering of factual knowledge. The second is that Science, however useful, remains fallible. He who seeks an infallible and divine guidance must seek it elsewhere.”


WASHINGTON, D. C., AUGUST 26th. Legislators here are disturbed by the rising tide of corrective operations, amputations, and extractions, needed to overcome the side effects of the Roswell implant therapy. These operations are already putting a visible strain on the medical and dental manpower of the nation, and it is bound to get worse instead of better as every living individual who has received the Roswell therapy returns for corrective treatment. Particularly troublesome is the enormous number of people who must, in the coming years, submit to multiple dental extractions. The present devices for carrying out these extractions on firmly-rooted healthy teeth resemble Medieval torture instruments, and dentists who have carried out extractions with them state that “an incredible amount of physical labor is involved. When a Roswell multiple-extraction is over, we are exhausted, and the patient is a hospital case.” Teeth grown by the implant method are reported exceptionally healthy and firmly-rooted, and one dentist has complained that it is “damned unnerving to find yourself trying to drag a chunk of the patient’s jaw out with the tooth.”


GATESBURG, ILL., SEPTEMBER 30th. Troops at the Gatesburg Medical Research Center here have been strengthened by another National Guard battalion, Brigadier general James C. Burns reported today. General Burns said that Dr. Roswell and his family are now living full-time inside the Research Center Inner Compound. Now that the Guard has sufficient strength to strongly occupy all the hills overlooking the Center, General Burns feels that incidents such as last Sunday’s combination rifle and mortar attack, and the attempt on Tuesday to ram a homemade tank through the roadblock, will be much easier to handle.


NEW YORK, OCTOBER 6th. Sociologists report that recent studies indicate a dramatic collapse in the public view of science and scientists. Research scientists, while not as far into the cellar as dentists, are now well below physicians at the bottom of the list.


CHUGABOG, MINN., OCTOBER 12th. Little Chugabog Junior College, enrollment 126, announced today the appointment of Dr. G. Puthrie Banks, formerly of Oxnam Technological Institute, as dean of students. College spokesmen admitted that they had had “some reservations” about the controversial Dr. Banks, but that after a personal interview they believe he will “do well in Chugabog. After all, we are a forward-looking community, and as long as he doesn’t go off on that science kick again, we feel he will be O.K.”


NEW YORK, N. Y., DECEMBER 10th. A team of physicians, bacteriologists, and dental surgeons, backed massively with private funds, are reported to have cracked the Roswell tooth-extraction problem. According to information released here today, a process of “intensive suppuration” creates “artificial abscesses” which ease the problem of later withdrawing the teeth from their sockets. “Of course,” spokesmen admit, “this means that before the extraction, the patient will have multiple abscessed teeth in his mouth.”


WASHINGTON, D. C., DECEMBER 31st. Armed with “tooth-abscess generators” and motorized hydraulic compound-leverage extractors, the nation’s capital tonight looks forward into the new year with as much hope and confidence as it can muster. An estimated ten million multiple extractions will have to be performed in the coming year.


HARBRIDGE, JANUARY 4th. Dr. D. Bonham Moore, hard-driving president recently appointed to overhaul tottering Oxnam Technological Institute, today addressed an audience of some fifty persons gathered to dedicate the new Oxnam Dental-Extraction Clinic on the OTI East Hill Campus. Dr. Moore called upon “any undergraduates who may be present” to “base their lives on the double foundation of experience and high principles and not chase off after easy generalisms.” President Moore added that “obviously the acquisition of a new and useful method does not mean that everything else our forefathers built up in the preceding five or six thousand years is to be thrown on the scrap heap.”


CHUGABOG, MINN., FEBRUARY 18th. Dr. G. Puthrie Banks, interviewed as he was carried out of the Chugabog Dental Clinic, admitted today that he intends to undergo training for the ministry.

Wan and pale, and speaking with some difficulty, the former advocate of unlimited Science explained:

“I feel that I may have misunderstood my calling.”









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