"There is a vanity that is done upon the earth; that
there are just men, to whom it happens according
to the deeds of the wicked; again, there are wicked
men, to whom it happens according to the deeds of
the righteous: I said that this also is a vanity."
Ecclesiastes 8:14
Carrie looked at the memo in her hand. No doubt the bastards had decided to bring out their big guns. She threw the memo down on the desk and started pacing back and forth.
What the hell did she do now?
There was really only one thing she could do. She sat down again and pressed the button on her intercom.
"Yes?" Laura's voice answered.
"Laura, send George into my office. Then get hold of Spider and have her sent down here."
"Anything wrong?" Laura asked.
"Everything's wrong."
"What do you mean?" Spider asked, pacing the floor.
"His lawyers have asked that his case be reviewed, and their petition has been granted by the state supreme court. There's nothing I can do about it." Carrie sighed. "It gets better. I can't work this case because my relationship with you creates a conflict of interest."
"You're not going to stand as prosecutor at his parole hearing because of some stupid ethical shit? The bastard helped kill my brother."
"It's because he killed your brother. It's a conflict of interest, and it's not just an ethical thing, it's the law. I can help George set things up, get ready for trial . . . "
"I can't believe these bastards can do this. They're going to free the asshole who killed my brother, and I can't stop them."
"George is a good attorney, Spider. He'll do his best. With your testimony he shouldn't be paroled."
"But he probably will be." Spider stood up and shook her head. "They'll make sure that he is. They think I'll go nuts and make a mistake, and then they can pick me up legally. Well, I don't know when they think I was born, but two can play at this game." Spider started for the door.
"Spider."
Spider turned to look at Carrie.
"Don't sink to their level. Maybe they don't have as much clout as they'd like to believe. Maybe we can keep him in jail."
"And maybe my ass is a tambourine and if you smack it, it will play music."
Spider went out slamming the door.
Carrie leaned back in her chair. "Gee! That went better than I expected."
As the verdict came in Spider jumped out of her seat, walked to the back of the courtroom and slammed the doors open with her hands.
She was fined a hundred dollars for her trouble—contempt of court—and warned by the judge that being the partner of the DA did not give her special rights and privileges.
"Obviously not, since you stupid worthless blood sucking bastards just let my brother's killer walk out of here."
She was fined another hundred dollars and warned that her next outburst would land her in jail.
Carrie grabbed her by the arm and pulled her from the courtroom before she told the judge where she could stick her gavel. In the hallway Spider glared down at Carrie.
"The whole fucking thing sucks. They couldn't do this if the whole fucking system wasn't corrupt."
"Spider, please calm down," Carrie whispered as she continued to pull her down the hall away from the courtroom. "This is what they want. They're trying to make you hang yourself. That's why you have to promise me you're not going to go after this guy."
Spider stopped and stared down at Carrie. "He's not going to just walk away, Carrie. I won't let that happen. But if you don't want me to go after this guy, I won't." She started walking again, and Carrie let go of her arm. "I'll beat them at their own game. I'll get them yet."
When she got back to the station there was a message waiting for her. Lieutenant Toby wanted to see her in his office.
"Sorry to hear about the verdict. I know it must be very hard for you," he said.
Spider was silent.
"I'm warning you, for your own good. Stay away from this guy. He's legally out, and if you do anything . . . "
"I'm not a fucking idiot," Spider said, levering herself to the front of her chair.
"You been giving me nothing but attitude lately, Webb! You got a problem?" Toby all but screamed.
Spider stood up and stared down at him. "Problem? There's no problem! Just you and me trying to get through life without bumping into each other." She pushed just enough to make sure Toby was too scared to scream at her or call her back into his office, and then she walked out.
She located Tommy and waved at him that she was ready to go.
Tommy ran to catch up with her and met her at the front door.
"It fucking reeks!" Tommy said. His answer to being supportive.
Spider nodded silently and slammed the front door open.
"Spider! What the hell!" Detective Jacobs started as Spider damn near hit him. She ignored him and walked towards their car. Obviously she intended to drive, and Tommy cringed at the thought.
"What are you going to do, Spider?" Tommy asked.
Spider turned to him and smiled. Not the most pleasant expression he'd ever seen. "What do you think I ought to do, Tommy?"
"Wait for a while. Wait for everyone to forget that you have any interest in this guy. Then we find him out one night, he happens to be mugging a little old lady, and we accidentally beat him to death."
Spider laughed and gave Tommy a real smile this time. "You know that would be poetic and very cleansing. But I don't want to wait."
The type written letter had been addressed to him. Inside was two hundred dollars in cash and a note that said . . . Take the kids to the zoo. And a date on which to do it.
The postmark was from Piedmont, but Robby knew who'd sent the letter and the money, and he wasn't about to pass up a chance at meeting with her or going to the zoo.
He slapped the camper shell on the truck and loaded up the kids. They were all really excited. None of them, including Robby, had ever been to a zoo before. When he told them they were all eating at Waffle House for breakfast as well they went ape shit crazy.
Robby took one of his siblings to work with him each month. At the end of the day's work he took them out to eat at the Waffle House. Then he took them over to Wal-Mart and gave them ten dollars to spend any way they liked. It wasn't much, but it was a hell of a lot more than he'd ever had.
The kids marched into Waffle House single file and sat down where Robby told them to.
The waitress hurried over to wait on them. "My goodness, Robby! You got all the children with you today."
Robby smiled back.
"We're going to the zoo," Colistia told her.
"We're going to see the monkeys," Elvita said, clapping her hands together.
"They'll put you in a cage if you aren't careful," Devan taunted.
"You!" Elvita screamed.
"That's enough now. You children promised to be good," Robby reminded them.
"Yes, Robby," Devan and Elvita said together.
"Well, it sounds like great fun," the waitress said. "Same as always?"
Robby thought about that for a moment. He usually brought them in and ordered them a short stack because it was the cheapest thing on the menu. He'd called and found out that the zoo cost five dollars each for him, Evan, Janice, and Donna, and it was only three dollars each for the other kids. That was only going to cost him thirty dollars. With drinks . . . and if he let them each get something at the gift shop . . .
"Let them order whatever they want."
The kids let out little excited noises.
He looked at them. "Get what you want, but eat what you get."
They all started ordering at once.
"Shush!" Robby ordered. "Mary can't hear herself think. Now, do this one at a time, starting with Evan and going around."
Robby had thought that he would enjoy the zoo, but he had thought he would be too old to experience the magic of it. He wasn't. The kids were done looking at one exhibit and ready to go to the next way before Robby was.
There was a playground beside the ape habitat, and while the kids ran around playing on the equipment, Robby watched the apes. He studied a display showing ape handprints and humans. He looked around to make sure no one was looking, and then he held his own hand over the ape print. He successfully covered the entire print.
"Funny, I used to do that same thing when I was a kid," she said. "Don't turn around. I don't think I've been followed, but it doesn't hurt to be careful."
"Thanks. I never could have afforded to do something like this for them without your help."
"Well, I kind of need your help, kid." She slipped a piece of paper into his hip pocket. "I made out a shopping list. Take care of it when you can. These are some really bad guys who slipped through the cracks. The guy on the top of the list I want you to pay particular attention to. Make a record of the things in his brain—all his crimes. He killed my brother, and I want you to see if he just did it for fun, or if someone paid him and his buddies to do it. I put a picture of my brother in your pocket with the paper, and the paper is self explanatory."
"Who do you think wanted your brother killed?" Robby asked.
Spider pointed past him into the ape habitat a huge silver backed male. "You see that guy sitting there?"
"Yes."
"He was born and raised here in this zoo. Do you think he knows he's in a cage?" she asked.
Robby thought about that for a minute. "I guess not, but . . . "
"There's a group of people who . . . Well, I think that's what they did to me and my brother. I think my brother figured out that he was in a cage, and so they killed him. I think you are like an ape running wild who hasn't been put into a cage yet, and that's why they are looking for you. Because they don't know how you got out of your cage."
"I don't get it," Robby said.
"If you're lucky you never will. Good luck, Robby."
"I don't need luck, Spider," Robby said smugly.
"Don't get cocky, kid." That said, Spider left.
Elvita walked up to him and started jerking on his arm. "Let's go see the elephants, Robby. Let's go . . . "
Robby laughed. "OK, OK already. Let's go see the elephants then."
As they were leaving the ape house, his eyes focused on the book that cataloged all the different apes by name and told their genealogy. Robby stumbled a little as he realized what Spider had been saying.
Spider had made his job easier than ever. She told him exactly where these guys would be and at what time they would be there. But he didn't kill them in the order they appeared on the list. He put Sammy Two Toes—so called because he had two toes cut off—Franklin in the middle of the list. He waited outside the back door of a club called Hoochies. At eleven forty-five, just like clockwork, the sleaze walked out and made his score. His dealer went back in the club and Sammy started down the alley towards Robby. Robby backed up into the shadows and waited. When the guy was close enough, he stepped into his trail.
"Hey, nigger," the black man snarled, "don' get in Sammy Two Toes way."
Robby concentrated and started pulling a catalogue of the man's crimes from him. He saw him in prison, beating a man to death then framing another prisoner. Saw him raping a serious of young men who had the misfortune of being put into his cell. Back, back through his crimes, he got what Spider wanted. Then he fragged the guy and moved on. He still had two more to do before morning.
Carrie would have liked to have been surprised to find that Sammy Two Toes was among the dead found last night. But she wasn't, and now she knew for certain—beyond a shadow of a doubt—that Spider knew who the Fry Guy was.
Spider looked at the body on the ground and kicked at it with her toe. Then said in her least convincing bit of acting to date. "Oh! Look! If it isn't Sammy Two Toes."
Carrie wondered when everything had gone so horribly wrong. This thing was spinning out of control, and there was nothing she could do about it.
The So-what-if guys pulled up, and Carrie's flesh crawled. They got out of their car and headed straight for Spider. No beating around the bush this time.
Carrie'd had everything she had ever wanted, ever even dreamt of, and now she was going to lose the only thing that really mattered. Their exchange was—if quiet, very heated. She was the DA, and she had never felt so powerless in her whole life.
"You want to talk now, Webb?" Kirk asked in a hiss.
Spider could feel his frustration, his anger. He had hoped for one response and had gotten another. It didn't help that she was smiling smugly at him. "Talk about what?"
"Where is he? Who is he?" he spat back.
"Who can see through a super hero's clever disguise? A super hero only keeps his superhuman powers as long as no one knows his true identity. I can't believe that you idiots haven't moved on to greener pastures. Surely if I knew who the fuck he was I would have brought him in myself. Me being a thrice-decorated law officer of this city and all. I don't appreciate the implication . . . "
"Cut the shit, Webb. This guy just iced one of the guys who helped kill your brother. Now either you had something to do with that, or it's the god damnedest most convenient piece of murder to take place in this city in a long, damn time."
"It would have to be the latter, dirt bag. Because obviously I, a trice decorated law officer of this city, would not be in cahoots with a cold blooded killer," Spider said. She made her face a mask of calm. "What I'd really like to know is why you stupid trench coat wearing fucks are so goddamned sure that I know something. So sure, in fact, that you would bug my car, my home, interrogate my father, follow me, and threaten my old lady. There is certainly no evidence that points to me knowing one goddamned thing more about this case than you or anyone else. So there has got to be some reason, something the rest of us don't know, that makes you so damned sure that I know something. And you know what? I'd give almost any amount of money in the world to know what that is."
"Quit fucking with me, Webb," Kirk hissed. "You had better quit fucking with us, or . . . "
Spider stood toe to toe with him. "Or what . . . I'll tell you what. You had better not fuck with me. You had by God better not fuck with me, because you bastards may kill me and everyone else, but before I go, I'm going to make damn sure that I take you with me."
She walked away to join Tommy in looking at some piece of dirt he'd found.
Kirk walked over quickly and got in the car. Jason into the car beside him. He made a face and opened the window.
"Goddamn it, Kirk!"
"Shut up! You shut up right now! I've had just about all I'm going to take out of you!" Kirk screamed.
"Nothing came out of me, Kirk." He waved his hand in front of his nose. "Christ on a crutch, Kirk! What did you eat?"
"That fucking bitch is going to pay. I swear, I'm going to wipe that smug look off her face, if it's the last thing I do," Kirk hissed.
"While you're at it, you can wipe your ass, too."
Apparently no one thought Sammy Two Toes death was a simple case of serendipity. The FBI talked to her, the captain called her on the carpet.. Fortunately she had an airtight alibi; she had been in bed with the DA. Their house security system recorded people exciting and entering their house by time and code, and no one had entered or left the house after nine o'clock. Neither Carrie nor Spider's codes had left the house for sure.
Spider guessed it was his turn to ask.
"I'm sorry I have to ask you these questions," the lieutenant said. "I know everyone and his brother has already asked them, but . . . "
"No, I don't know who the Fry Guy is. No, I did not have anything to do with Sammy Two Toes murder. Yes, I am glad he's dead. Last night I was in bed with Carrie all night. I most certainly do not possess a weapon that will do anything like this. As I have said, you can search my house any time you want."
"Well, that basically covers everything I wanted to ask. Except . . . I know we never really liked each other, but why are you giving me such shit lately?"
She started to scream at him that it was because he was a narrow minded little bigot, but then she felt the genuine confusion coming from him. "Because you never liked me, but as soon as you found out for sure that I was gay, that was all the reason you needed to hate me. You treated me with no respect, and I demand respect. I deserve it. But then you dared to question Carrie's integrity, and that's what really burnt it. I thought I made that pretty damn clear when it happened."
He nodded. "I didn't hate you. I hated that you were gay. I've always been very uncomfortable with the whole thing. When you partnered up with DA Long . . . Well, I'd never really liked you from the get go because I figured you were queer, and because you're a fucking cowboy. I figured you were going to rub the gay thing in my face and I . . . Well, I jumped to some pretty despicable conclusions, and I acted like a complete jerk. I've been going to the department shrink and he's helped me to see that my homophobia is just a manifestation of my insecurities as a man. I'm sorry that I reacted in the way that I did, and I would like for us to call a truce." He held out his hand.
Well, he was full of shit, but at least he was sincerely full of shit. She shook his hand.
Tommy bounced off the side wall. He held up his hands and gasped for breath. "Enough," he said. "We have practiced enough for tonight."
Spider looked at the clock on the wall. He was right. It was almost ten o'clock. She nodded, took a few deep breaths and realized that her ribs were tender where Tommy had kicked her.
"Remember, your kicks are fine, but your hands are your best weapon. No one expects that kind of impact from a hand."
Spider nodded, grabbed up her Gatorade and took a long drink. Then she looked at Tommy.
Tommy caught her stare and held it. Something was obviously on her mind. "What?"
She walked over to her bag and pulled out a CD case. She handed it to him. It was sealed with scotch tape. "Here."
"I don't really like Metallica"
"It ain't a freaking music CD, numb nuts." She took a deep breath and let it out. "The dead FBI guy?"
"Harry Sullivan."
"Yea . . . he sent me some stuff. I didn't understand half of it. Funny if you think about it, they killed him for sending it to me and most of it meant nothing to me. What he sent me plus everything that I know or even suspect about what is going on is on that CD."
Tommy started to open it, and she slapped his hand.
"Don't open it. Leave the case taped closed. I couldn't give it to Carrie, because I know she would look at it. I'm trusting that you won't. To take away some of the temptation to look at it, the name of the Fry Guy is not on that CD. This is about what our government has been doing behind our backs." She looked at him again. "Take it and give it to someone that you trust. Preferably someone who lives out of state. Tell them not to take the tape off. Have them rent a safety deposit box and put it in there. Do not use the phone or the mail to make this transaction. If anything happens to me, I want you to get in touch with that person and tell them to take the disk to a computer—any computer with internet access—and slam this information onto the world wide web. If this goes down, the only way to save your asses will be to expose the bastards. A secret is only worth protecting if no one knows it."
"Why don't we expose them now?" Tommy asked.
"Because if we expose them, we expose me and a whole lot of other people to a brand of persecution the likes of which the world has never seen before," Spider said. "Having that disk puts your life in danger. If they find out that you have it, they'll kill you. But if you don't have it . . . It's kind of a catch twenty-two."
"I understand." Tommy paused. "Spider, how did you get into all this? It can't be because of the Fry Guy. Hell, I was covering for him as much as you were. Hell, in the beginning I was covering for him more. If you look guilty then so must I. I just don't get it, was it something that happened in the service?"
Spider shook her head no. "I didn't chose to get into anything. I didn't have any choice. I thought I did, but I didn't." She paused and looked into her drink bottle. "I knew . . . I always knew that there were an awful lot of unanswered questions about my life, about me. Simple things like . . . look how fair I am. I don't tan, but I don't burn. How many times have we been fishing, Tommy? How many times did you go home with a sunburn? Didn't you think it was funny that I—who am a damn sight lighter than you—never got so much as pink?" She didn't give him time to answer. "I obviously didn't want answers, because I never pursued any. Now all those questions are being answered, and I realize I was right not to ask the questions in the first place. But now it's too damn late. Comes a time in every venture where you've met the point of no return. Remember we talked about that once?"
Tommy nodded.
"Well, I was way past that point before I even had a clue what was going on."
Spider couldn't sleep, so she stared at the ceiling. Carrie lay curled around her sound asleep. Even Spider gently caressing Carrie's shoulder didn't cause her to stir.
Spider wished things could stay like this. But she had to look at reality. These So-what-if-guys were not going to go away until they got what they wanted. Then, if they let her live, which was doubtful, they were still not going to really leave her alone.
She hoped she was right about Carrie being safe. Hoped she was right about Tommy being able to protect himself and Laura. She hoped there would be a time when they would be sitting around drinking some beers and talking about the whole thing as if it were no big deal.
She'd pray, but she'd tried that before. If God was there, He wasn't listening to her.
She was worried about Robby, about all his brothers and his sisters and his ageing grandmother. They needed him around, but he wouldn't be around if the So-what-if guys found him.
She worried about Henry. Who was going to take care of him if she was gone? Who'd go visit him . . .
She was aware of being asleep, which was in itself a weird beginning to a dream. She was asleep, and she was watching herself and Carrie sleep. Then she was flying out of the house over the rooftops of the city. She made out the park and the hospital where Henry was. Henry was sitting on the hospital roof; he waved at her. She flew over and sat down beside him.
"Henry, man . . . I didn't know you could get out of there!" she said excitedly.
"Well, I'm not staying in there all day. It's fucking duller than shit. This is pretty cool, though. I kind of float around the city at night and look in on people. Saw a couple having sado-masochistic sex the other night, that was entertaining."
"You're a voyeur!" Spider laughed.
"Hey! When you can't do, you watch. Do you think it's wrong?"
"Nah! I think it's a victimless crime as long as the person doesn't know they're being watched," Spider answered. "Carrie disagrees, but what the hell does she know? Henry . . . Why did you try to save Scott?"
"You've asked me that a thousand times. It took you long enough to get up here so I could answer. I don't really know why; I didn't know him. I can tell you this, though, I don't know if I would have been as heroic if I had known one of those assholes had a gun. I saw three guys beating up one guy and I figured I was closing the odds. I always did have the shittiest luck. I was engaged once. Caught my fiancée having sex with my retarded cousin, Brian. I got dysentery the night of my senior prom. It kind of makes sense that I'd run in to help a guy in a simple fist-a-cuff and get myself shot. Then here I sit—or lay, rather for . . . how many years?"
"Sixteen," Spider said.
"Wow that's a bitch. If I'd had to lay in that fucking bed all that time I'd be nuts, and if you didn't come to visit me every day I'd be nuts anyway. Of course, talk about dull! Until this last year you had less of a life than I did."
"Henry . . . You know, lots of times I felt like you were the only one I could really talk to . . . "
"Which is really pathetic considering that I couldn't talk back."
"I've tried to do what's best for you, but I'm admitting it now, I don't really know what the hell that is. Are you happy like this, or would you rather be dead?"
He seemed to think about that for a minute. "Well, floating around watching other people was kind of like the ultimate TV. I can even go to other countries and other worlds. It was a real trip for about the first ten years, but after awhile . . . Well, watching isn't doing. I can't feel anything, touch anyone, and vicarious pleasure can only get you so far. I run into someone else floating around up here every once in awhile, and I've had some really great conversations, but we're mostly in agreement. We're ready to go on."
"Go on where?" Spider asked.
Henry shrugged. "Who knows? I just know there's something, and I'm ready to go now if you can let me go."
Spider looked at him. "I know it's stupid, but by keeping you alive it was like I was keeping Scott alive. He was the only one who ever really cared about me."
"It is stupid, and now there are people who care as much about you as Scott did. So it's time for you to go on, too."
When Spider woke up she felt rested. She remembered the dream and smiled.
"What?" Carrie asked. She was pulling on her robe.
"Just thinking how lucky I am. To be with you, to love you and to have you love me. Whatever happens now they can't take this time that we're having right now away from us. Do you know what I'm saying?"
Carrie smiled back at her and nodded. "Let's worry about what's going to happen when it happens." She took off her robe and lay back down beside Spider.
Spider held her close, enjoying the way she felt in her arms, imprinting it in her memory for a time when she might not be able to hold her. "I want you to meet a friend of mine."
"Right now?" Carrie asked in a disappointed tone of voice.
Spider laughed. "No, not right now."
Carrie looked down at the sleeping man in the bed. "Maybe we should come back later when he's awake," she whispered to Spider.
"He doesn't wake up. He's in a coma. He's been in a coma for sixteen years. For that sixteen years, ever since I got out of the service, barely a day has gone by that I didn't come and visit him. He's where all my money goes. Henry is why I never have any extra spending money."
"Henry. This isn't Scott, then. Excuse me, Honey, but I don't get it."
"Scott is dead. Henry wound up here because he tried to save Scott. He had no parents or siblings, only distant relatives none of whom were interested in him. I didn't know where he was, but I did know that he thinks, that he feels, because I can feel him. He has normal brain function. Henry got like this trying to protect Scott, and if I had been here maybe I could have saved Scott. Maybe Henry would be married with three kids right now. I didn't want him put into some filthy state home. It just didn't seem right."
Carrie looked at Spider for a minute and then started to cry.
"Why are you crying? I'm really not insane . . . "
"That's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard," Carrie cried. "You're one of a kind."
"Maybe yes, and maybe no." Spider smiled. "At any rate, I figured there are enough things that I can't tell you, so I wanted you to meet Henry. So . . . you don't think I'm crazy?"
"Oh, this is definitely crazy." Carrie laughed, drying her eyes. "But it's exactly the kind of thing I would expect you to do."
"He wants to go now. I always wondered whether he did or not, and now I know that he does. He wants to go, and his body won't let him."
Carrie nodded, trying to pretend like she didn't think that was the most insane thing Spider had said yet.
They sat and talked to Henry for some fifteen minutes and then they left.
Spider drove home.
"Well, at least now I know you're not spending all your money on some trollop," Carrie said. "I was beginning to wonder just where the hell you went after work. I figured it must be one of those Don't ask or they'll kill you things, so I didn't ask."
"Carrie, I . . . " She took a deep breath. Damn, this was hard.
"What is it, Baby?"
"I need money."
"How much?"
"I . . . About five thousand dollars in cash," Spider said. "Do you have it?"
"I . . . don't have it readily available, but I can get my hands on it in an afternoon's time. All I have to do is cash a CD. Can I ask what you need it for?"
Spider shot her a look.
"OK, stupid question." Carrie shook her head, and once again wondered when she had lost control of her life.
Robby opened the manila envelope carefully and away from prying eyes. He counted the money and then counted it again. The instructions were simple but clear.
Obviously, Spider thought things were going to get worse before they got better. He burned the note and pushed the money down deep in his pocket. He'd never seen that much money in his life. All the things he could do for the kids with that money! But the money was ear marked for something else, her instructions were clear.
He owed her. After all, it was his fault she'd been caught up in this whole mess. He ran his hands over his head. She was where she was partly because she had laid her ass on the line covering his. Now he had to play by her game plan; put his life into her hands. He wasn't used to doing that. Wasn't used to not being the one to have to make the big decisions. It was a relief, and it scared the hell out of him at the same time.
The only real decision being left up to him at the present time was how he was going to make sure that his family was taken care of. He didn't know how much time he'd have, but he was pretty certain that it wouldn't be a lot. Not enough to put back any huge amount of money.
After a few more minutes thought he did the only thing he could do. He walked into the house. "Kids, Grandma, we have to have a meeting!"
He looked around at them. By the looks on their faces they knew something was going on. He took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and then he looked straight at Evan and started.
"I might have to go away. I don't know for how long. Doesn't matter why. Just know that it's not because I want to, and it's not because I'm going to jail or anything like that. Here's the thing—there's a little in savings but not a lot. It won't last you long at all if you start digging into it."
"We can manage on my check if we have to, Baby." His grandmother was close to tears.
"Evan can run my trash route, and since he'll have the truck he won't have to save the money for a car."
"I can keep my job at the store, too . . . "
Robby cut Evan short shaking his head no violently.
"No, you take time off. The trash business makes good money, and if everyone pitches in there is no reason that you can't go to school, date, have a life. You do have to grow up, Evan, but not all the way, and not all at once."
"Janice, maybe you can get Evan's job at the store."
She nodded, looking sad. "What are we going to do without you, Robby?" She cried, got up, ran over and hugged him. "We haven't ever had to do it without you before."
Robby patted her back, swallowed the lump in his throat, and pushed her to arm's length. "Janice, I've always counted on you to do what's right. To be the little mother. You just keep doing what you're doing. See if you can't get Evan's job in the grocery store and things will be great. Now go sit down. If you want permission to do anything you'll have to go through Grandma. Does everyone understand?"
"Yes, Robby," they said in unison.
"We've only existed this long because you've listened to what I told you. Don't forget what I've tried to teach you and you'll be fine. If you treat my being gone like a holiday, you won't make it, and that's a fact."
He spent the rest of the night lining things out for them. When he was done he went out to the truck ready to start his night run.
Janice and Evan followed him.
"Well?" he asked.
"Robby . . . " Evan started but couldn't finish.
Janice did it for him. "Are we going to be like you?"
Robby laughed. "No, you aren't going to be like me, and no one will come after you. If anyone asks about me, tell them I'm going into the service like I told you. Now go on back in the house."
They left. Robby smiled, shook his head and popped the hood. He checked the oil, added some, and slammed the hood closed again. He saw Donna standing there looking worried. Like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Donna had always worried too much.
"Everything will be all right, Donna."
"For us. But what about for you?" Donna walked over, jumped up and sat on his workbench. "I'm worried about what will happen to you, Robby."
"Don't you worry about me, Donna. I can take care of myself."
"Sometimes it makes me cry," Donna said.
"What, Donna? What makes you cry?"
"That you take care of everybody and no one takes care of you. You spend all your time fixing things and cleaning up other people's messes. What's going to happen to you now, Robby? What's going to happen to you?" She sniffled and wiped her face on the back of her fist. "It's not fair, Robby. It's not . . . "
"Donna, if there's one thing that I have learned, it's that life isn't very often fair. But sometimes the things that you think are the worst turn out to be the best. Look at us, look at me. I didn't ask to raise seven kids, but I wouldn't change things. I love you all because you're my family. I hope that I have at least helped get you on the right path, and if I have, if you grow up into healthy happy people, then what else do I need to accomplish with my life? I'm counting on you, Donna, more than anyone else."
Donna sniffled again. "Me! Why me?"
"Because you're the smartest, Donna. Have been since the day you were born. Grandma's smart, but she's old and she forgets things, and it's getting harder for her to get around. Evan's a good kid, he's got a good heart, and he means well. But, as we all know, he's got piss poor judgment. Don't be afraid to tell him if he's screwing up. Janice is good with the babies, and she's got a lot of love to give, but she's a pushover. Tell her to stand up for herself. Colistia, now Colistia has talent. With the right encouragement she'll be a great singer someday, I'm sure of it. Colistia loves us because we're her family, but her head is too much in the clouds most of the time to help much with worldly things."
Donna laughed, and Robby smiled.
"We need to encourage her, but don't forget to make her come down to earth every once in awhile. Devan . . . now that boy is a worker, a mover and a shaker. He'll always make a living, but don't let him forget to have fun sometimes. Elvita likes to laugh—a happier child was never born. But we both know that Mama's drug habit left its mark on her brain. She's never going to be very bright, and people will try to push her around and use her. She's going to have to learn early in the game that she can't take anything at face value, not to trust people till they have proved they can be trusted."
Robbie paused for a moment to clear the frog out of his throat. "Duane is mechanical, so he's going to be able to fix things like me and like Granddad did. He already knows how to take things apart and put them together, but he's got a temper on him. You'll all have to work real hard at teaching him that kind of behavior won't take him very far."
"You, Donna, are the shiniest apple in this barrel. You're smart, and you're good looking. You've got a good head on your shoulders. You've got good instincts and people like you. You can be anything that you want to be, Donna. Don't let the family down, they need you, and I need to know that you'll be there for them. But don't let them stop you, either. You can soar with the eagles, girl, there isn't any doubt about that. Don't worry so damn much. Let me tell you something else that I've learned. If something can be fixed, then you can fix it. If it can't be fixed, then no one can fix it. So there's no need to worry about it. You work with what you've got and you go on."
She nodded, jumped off the workbench, ran over and hugged Robby tight. "I love you, Robby, better than anything."
"I love you, too, kiddo. Don't forget what I said. When people put you down or don't believe in you, then you pick yourself up and believe in yourself. Because I don't count myself a fool, and I sure have faith in you."