He was supposed to command all the fleets in he had to say. their attacks on all the Formic worlds. That A few people had tried, but by now, with meant he would need to be back in the Solar Mazer nearing the point where he would system, communicating with all the fleets by decelerate to turn the ship around, his com- ansible. munications with IF-COM on the asteroid Eros were mostly limited to book and holo Great. A cushy desk job. He was old enough and movie requests, plus his daily blip -- the to relish that. message he sent just to assure the I.F. that he wasn't dead. Except for one hitch. He could even have automated the daily blip Since space travel could only approach but -- it's not as if Mazer didn't know how to get never quite reach three hundred million me- around their firewalls and reprogram the ship- ters per second, it would take many years for board computer. But he dutifully composed the fleets to reach their target worlds. During a new and unique message every day that he those years of waiting back at International knew would barely be glanced at back at IF- Fleet headquarters -- IF-COM -- Mazer COM. As far as anyone there cared, he might would grow old and frail, physically and as well be dead; they would all have retired mentally. or even died before he got back. So to keep him young enough to be useful, The problem of loneliness wasn't a surprise, Artwork by Howard Lyon they shut him up in a near-lightspeed courier of course. They had even suggested send- ship and launched him on a completely ing someone with him. Mazer himself had Mazer in Prison meaningless outbound journey. At some arbi- vetoed the idea, because it seemed to him to trary point in space, they decreed, he would be stupid and cruel to tell a person that he by Orson Scott Card decelerate, turn around, and then return to was so completely useless to the fleet, to the Earth at the same speed, arriving home only whole war effort, that he could be sent out on a few years before the fleets arrived and all Mazer's aimless voyage just to hold his hand. Being the last best hope of humanity was a hell broke loose. He would have aged no "What will your recruiting poster be next lousy job. more than five years during the voyage, even year?" Mazer had asked. "'Join the Fleet and though decades would have passed on Earth. spend a couple of years as a paid companion Sure, the pay was great, but it had to pile up to an aging space captain!'?" in a bank back on Earth, because there was A lot of good he'd do them as a commander, no place out here to shop. if he lost his mind during the voyage. To Mazer it was only going to be a few years. He was a private person who didn't mind be- There was no place to walk. When your of- Sure, he had plenty of books in the onboard ing alone. He was sure he could handle it. ficial exercise program consisted of having database. Millions of them. And announce- your muscles electrically stimulated while ments of new books were sent to him by What he hadn't taken into account was how you slept, then getting spun around in a ansible; any he wanted, he could ask for and long two years of solitary confinement would centrifuge so your bones wouldn't dissolve, have them in moments. be. They do this, he realized, to prisoners there wasn't much to look forward to in an who've misbehaved, as the worst punish- average day. What he couldn't have was a conversation. ment they could give. Think of that -- to be completely alone for long periods of time is To Mazer Rackham, it felt as though he was He had tried. After all, how different was the worse than having to keep company with the being punished for having won the last war. ansible from regular email over the nets? The vilest, stupidest felons known to man. problem was the time differential. To him, After the defeat of the invading Formics -- or it seemed he sent out a message and it was We evolved to be social creatures; the For- "Buggers," as they were commonly called answered immediately. But to the person on mics, by their hivemind nature, are never -- the International Fleet learned everything the other end, Mazer's message was spread alone. They can travel this way with impu- they could from the alien technology. Then, out over days, coming in a bit at a time. Once nity. To a lone human, it's torture. as fast as they could build the newly designed his whole message had been received and starships, the IF launched them toward the assembled, the person could write an answer And of course there was the tiny matter of Formic home world, and the other planets immediately. But to be received by the an- leaving his family behind. But he wouldn't that had been identified as Formic colonies. sible on Mazer's little boat, the answer would think about that. He was making no greater be spaced out a bit at a time, as well. sacrifice than any of the other warriors who But they hadn't sent Mazer out with any of took off in the fleets sent to destroy the those ships. If they had, then he wouldn't be The result was that for the person Mazer was enemy. Win or lose, none of them would see completely alone. There'd be other people to conversing with, many days intervened be- their families again. In this, at least, he was talk to -- fighter pilots, crew. Primates with tween the parts of the conversation. It had to one with the men he would be commanding. faces and hands and voices and smells, was be like talking with somebody with such an that asking so much? incredible stammer that you could walk away, The real problem was one that only he recog- live your life for a week, and then come back nized: He didn't have a clue how to save the No, he had a much more important mission. before he had finally spit out whatever it was human race, once he got back. That was the part that nobody seemed to of a different gender seemed mocking and estimated the terror that incompetent officers understand. He explained it to them, that he disrespectful. feel in the presence of young, intelligent, was not a particularly good commander, that energetic replacements. he had won that crucial battle on a fluke, that "Male voice," said Mazer. there was no reason to think he could do such At least it would be a conversation. a thing again. His superior officers agreed Immediately the voice changed to a robust that he might be right. They promised to re- baritone. "The trouble I'm having, Admiral, "Take down this answer, please," said Mazer. cruit and train new officers while Mazer was is that when I ask them specifically what "Dear Lieutenant Graff, I'm sorry for the gone, trying to find a better commander. But traits of yours I should try to identify for my time you have to waste waiting for this mes- in case they didn't find one, Mazer was the recruits, everything becomes quite vague. sage ... no, scratch that, why increase the guy who fired the single missile that ended The only conclusion I can reach is this: The wasted time by sending a message stuffed the previous war. People believed in him. attribute of yours that they want the new with useless chat?" Then again, doing a Even if he didn't believe in himself. commander to have is `victorious.' In vain do whole bunch of editing would delay the mes- I point out that I need better guidelines than sage just as long. Of course, knowing the military mind, Mazer that. knew that they would completely screw up Mazer sighed, unwound himself from his the search for a new commander. The only "So I have turned to you for help. You stretch, and went to the console. "I'll type it way they would take the search seriously was know as well as I do that there was a certain in myself," said Mazer. "It'll go faster that if they did not believe they had Mazer Rack- component of luck involved in your victory. way." ham as their ace-in-the-hole. At the same time, you saw what no one else could see, and you acted -- against orders He found the words he had just dictated Mazer sat in the confined space behind the -- at exactly the right moment for your thrust waiting for him on the screen of his message pilot seat and extended his left leg, stretching to be unnoticed by the Hive Queen. Bold- console, with the edge of Graff's message it up, then bringing it behind his head. Not ness, courage, iconoclasm -- maybe we can just behind it. He flipped that message to the every man his age could do this. Definitely identify those traits. But how do we test for front, read it again, and then picked up his not every Maori, not those with the tradi- vision? own message where he had left off. tional bulk of the fully adult male. Of course, he was only half-Maori, but it wasn't as if "There's a social component, too. The men in "I am not an expert in identifying the traits people of European blood were known for your crew trusted you enough to obey your of leadership. Your message reveals that you their extraordinary physical flexibility. disobedient orders and put their careers, if not have already thought more about it than I their lives, in your hands. have. Much as I might hope your endeavor is The console speaker said, "Incoming mes- successful, since it would relieve me of the sage." "Your record of reprimands for insubordina- burden of command upon my return, I cannot tion suggests, also, that you are an experi- help you." "I'm listening," said Mazer. "Make it voice enced critic of incompetent commanders. So and read it now." you must also have very clear ideas of what He toyed with adding "God could not help your future replacement should not be. you," but decided to let the boy find out how "Male or female?" asked the computer. the world worked without dire and useless "Therefore I have obtained permission to use warnings from Mazer. "Who cares?" said Mazer. the ansible to query you about the attributes we need to look for -- or avoid -- in the Instead he said "Send" and the console re- "Male or female?" the computer repeated. recruits we find. In the hope that you will find plied, "Message sent by ansible." this project more interesting than whatever it "Random," said Mazer. is you're doing out there in space, I eagerly And that, thought Mazer, is the end of that. await your reply." So the message was read out to him in a * female voice. Mazer sighed. This Graff sounded like The answer did not come for more than three exactly the kind of officer who should be put hours. What was that, a month back on Earth? "Admiral Rackham, my name is Hyrum in charge of finding Mazer's replacement. Graff. I've been assigned to head recruitment But Mazer also knew enough about military "Who is it from?" asked Mazer, knowing for Battle School, the first step in our training bureaucracy to know that Graff would be perfectly well who it would turn out to be. So program for gifted young officers. My job chewed up and spit out the first time he actu- the boy had taken his time before pushing the is to scour the Earth looking for someone to ally tried to accomplish something. Getting matters. Time enough to learn how impos- head our forces during the coming conflict permission to communicate by ansible with sible his task was? Probably not. -- instead of you. I was told by everyone who an old geezer who was effectively dead was bothered to answer me at all that the criterion easy enough. Mazer was sitting on the toilet -- which, was simple: Find someone just like Mazer thanks to the Formics' gravitic technology, Rackham." "What was the sender's rank?" Mazer asked was a standard gravity-dependent chemical the console. model. Mazer was one of the few still in the Mazer found himself interested in what this service who remembered the days of air-suc- guy was saying. They were actually looking "Lieutenant." tion toilets in weightless spaceships, which for his replacement. This man was in charge worked about half the time. That was the of the search. To listen to him in a voice Poor Lieutenant Graff had obviously under- era when ship captains would sometimes be cashiered for wasting fuel by accelerating "I'd like you to shut yourself down and leave workspaceThere might have been dozens of their ships just so they could take a dump that me in --" men who could have seen what I saw -- the would actually get pulled away from their point of vulnerability in the Formics' forma- backside by something like gravity. "A reply?" finished the computer, ignoring tion -- but they had long since left the service. his carping. The only reason I was there was because I "Lieutenant Hyrum Graff." couldn't afford to quit before vesting in my "Peace!" Mazer sighed. "Take down this pension. So I put up with spiteful command- And now he had the pestiferous Hyrum Graff, answer: I'm divorced, and my ex-wife and ers who would punish me for being a better who would probably be even more annoying children have made their lives without me. officer than they would ever be. I took the than null-g toilets. To them I'm dead. It's despicable for you to abuse, the contempt, and so there I was pilot- attempt to raise me from the grave to burden ing a ship with only two weapons -- slow "Erase it." their lives. When I tell you that I have noth- missiles at that. ing to tell you about command it's because I "I am not allowed to erase ansible communi- truly do not know any answers that you could Turned out I only needed one. cations," said the female voice blandly. It was possibly implement. always bland, of course, but it felt particu- But who could have predicted that I'd be larly bland when saying irritating things. "I'm desperate for you to find a replace- there, that I'd see what I saw, and that I'd ment for me, but in all my experience in the commit career suicide by firing my missiles I could make you erase it, if I wanted to go military, I saw no example of the kind of against orders -- and then I'd turn out to be to the trouble of reprogramming you. But commander that we need. So figure it out for right? What process can test for that? Might Mazer didn't say it, in case it might alert the yourself -- I haven't any idea." as well resort to prayer -- either God is look- program safeguards in some way. "Read it." ing out for the human race or he doesn't care. For a moment he allowed his anger to flare. If he cares, then we'll go on surviving despite "Male voice?" "And leave my family out of it, you con- our stupidity. If he doesn't, then we won't. temptible ..." "Female," snapped Mazer. In a universe that works like that, any attempt Then he decided not to flame the poor git. to identify in advance the traits of great com- "Admiral Rackham, I'm not sure you under- "Delete everything after `leave my family out manders is utterly wasted. stood the gravity of our situation. We have of it.'" two possibilities: Either we will identify the "Incoming visuals," said the computer. best possible commanders for our war against "Do you wish me to read it back to you?" the Formics, or we will have you as our com- Mazer looked down at his desk screen, where mander. So either you will help us identify "I'm on the toilet!" he had jotted the traits that are most likely to be present in the ideal commander, or you will be the com- Since his answer was nonresponsive, the Desperation mander on whom all the responsibility rests." computer repeated the question verbatim. Intuition (test for that, sucker!) "I understand that, you little twit," said Ma- "No. Just send it. I don't want to have the zer. "I understood it before you were born." zealous Lieutenant Graff wait an extra hour Tolerance for the orders of fools. or day just so I can turn my letter into a prize- "Would you like me to take down your re- winning school essay." Borderline-insane sense of personal mission. marks as a reply?" asked the computer. * Yeah, that's the list Graff's hoping I'll send "Just read it and ignore my carping." But Graff's question nagged at him. What him. should they look for in a commander? The computer returned to the message from And now the boy was sending him visuals. Lieutenant Graff. "I have located your wife What did it matter? As soon as they devel- Who approved that? and children. They are all in good health, and oped a list of desirable traits, all the bureau- it may be that some or all of them might be cratic buttsniffs would immediately figure out But the head that flickered in the holospace glad of an opportunity to converse with you how to fake having them, and they'd be right above his desk wasn't an eagerbeaver young by ansible, if you so desire. I offer this, not as back where they started, with the best bureau- lieutenant. It was a young woman with light- bribe for your cooperation, but as a reminder, crats at the top of every military hierarchy, colored hair like her mother's and only a few perhaps, that more is at stake here than the and all the genuinely brilliant leaders either traces of her father's part-Maori appearance. importunities of an upstart lieutenant pester- discharged or demoralized. But the traces were there, and she was beauti- ing an admiral and a war hero on a voyage ful. into the future." The way I was demoralized, piloting a barely-armed supply ship in the rear echelons "Stop," said Mazer. Mazer roared out his answer. "As if I had of our formation. need of reminders from you!" "I am required to show you --" Which was in itself a mark of the stupidity of "Would you like me to take down your re- our commanders -- that fact that they thought "This is personal. This is an intrusion." marks as --" there could be such a thing as a "rear eche- lon" during a war in three-dimensional space. "-- all ansible communications." "Later." your mother that we had to be dead to each "You weren't paying attention," said the com- other. She had to think of me as a casualty puter. "This is a visual ansible transmission, "This is a visual and therefore has high of war, even if the paperwork said Divorce and you are required to --" priority. Sufficient ansible bandwidth for full Decree instead of Killed in Action. motion visuals will only be used for commu- She was so angry she told me that she would "I'm watching now," said Mazer. nications of the --" rather I had died. She was going to tell our children that I was dead. Or that I just left Pai's voice came again, and the visual moved Mazer gave up. "Just play it." them, without giving them any reason, so again. "They're going to slow this down to they'd hate me. transmit it to you. But you know all about "Father," said the young woman in the holo- time dilation. The bandwidth is expensive, space. Now it turns out she turned my departure too, so I guess I'm done with the visual part into a sentimental memory of sacrifice for of this. I've written you a letter, and so have Mazer looked away from her, reflexively God and country. Or at least for planet and the kids. And Pahu swears that someday he'll hiding his face, though of course she couldn't species. learn to read and write." She laughed again, see him anyway. His daughter Pai Mahuta- looking at someone out of frame. It had to be nga. When he last saw her, she was a tree- Mazer forced himself not to wonder if this his son, the baby he had never seen. Tantaliz- climbing five-year-old. She used to have meant that she had forgiven him. She was the ingly close, but not coming into frame. Some- nightmares, but with her father always on one with children to raise -- what she decided one was controlling that. Someone decided duty with the fleet, there was no one to drive to tell them was none of his business. What- not to let him see his son. Graff? How closely away the bad dreams. ever helped her raise the children without a was he manipulating this? Or was it Kim who father. decided? Or Pahu himself? "I brought your grandchildren with me," she was saying. "Pahu Rangi hasn't found a He didn't marry and have children until he "Mother has written to you, too. Actually, woman yet who will let him reproduce." She was already middle-aged -- he'd been afraid quite a few letters. She wouldn't come, grinned wickedly at someone out of frame. to start a family when he knew he'd be gone though. She doesn't want you to see her look- Her brother. Mazer's son. Just a baby, con- on voyages lasting years at a time. Then he ing so old. But she's still beautiful, Father. ceived on his last leave before the final battle. met Kim, and all that rational process went More beautiful than ever, with white hair out the window. He wanted -- his DNA and -- she still loves you. She wants you to "We've told the children all about you. I wanted -- their children to exist, even if he remember her younger. She told me once, `I know you can't see them all at once, but if couldn't be there to raise them. Pai Ma- was never beautiful, and when I met a man they each come into frame with me for just hutanga and Pahu Rangi -- he wanted the who thought I was, I married him over his a few moments -- it's so generous of them to children's lives to be stable and good, rich most heartfelt objections.'" let me -- with opportunity, so he stayed in the service in order to earn the separation bonuses that Her imitation of her mother was so accurate "But he said that you might not be happy to would pay to put them through college. that it stopped Mazer's breath for a moment. see me. Even if that's true, Father, I know Could it truly be that Kim had refused to you'll want to see your grandchildren. Then he fought in the war to keep them safe. come because of some foolish vanity about They'll still be alive when you return. I might But he was going to retire when the war how she looked? As if he would care! even be. Please don't hide from us. We know ended and go home to them at last, while they that when you divorced Mother it was for were still young enough to welcome a father. But he would care. Because she would be her sake, and ours. We know that you never And then he got this assignment. old, and that would prove that it was true, stopped loving us. See? Here's Kahui Kura. that she would surely be dead before he made And Pao Pao Te Rangi. They also have Eng- Why couldn't you just decide, you bastards? it back to Earth. And because of that, it would lish names, Mirth and Glad, but they're proud Decide you were going to replace me, and not be home he came back to. There was no to be children of the Maori. Through you. then let me go home and have my hero's such place. But your grandson Mazer Taka Aho Howarth welcome and then retire to Christchurch and insists on using the name you went ... go by. listen to the ringing of the bells to tell me "I love you, Father," Pai was saying. "Not And as for baby Struan Maeroero, he'll make God's in his heaven and all's right with the just because you saved the world. We honor the choice when he gets older." She sighed. world. You could have left me home with my you for that, of course. But we love you be- "I suppose he's our last child, if the New family, to raise my children, to be there so I cause you made Mother so happy. She would Zealand courts uphold the Hegemony's new could talk Pai out of naming her firstborn son tell us stories about you. It's as if we knew population rules." after me. you. And your old mates would visit some- times, and then we knew that Mother wasn't As each of the children stepped into frame, I could have given all the advice and train- exaggerating about you. Either that or they shyly or boldly, depending on their person- ing you wanted -- more than you'd ever use, all were." She laughed. "You have been part ality, Mazer tried to feel something toward that's for sure -- and then left the fleet and of our lives. We may be strangers to you, but them. Two daughters first, shy, lovely. The had some kind of life. But no, I had to leave you're not a stranger to us." little boy named for him. Finally the baby everything and come out here in this miser- that someone held into the frame. able box while you dither. The image flickered, and when it came back, she was not in quite the same position. There They were strangers, and before he ever met Mazer noticed that Pai's face was frozen and had been an edit. Perhaps because she didn't them they would be parents themselves. Per- she was making no sound. "You stopped the want him to see her cry. But he knew she had haps grandparents. What was the point? I told playback," said Mazer. been about to, because her face still worked before weeping the same way as when she "The stress is being caused by your forcing ing them? was little. It had not been so very long, for me to view a message I did not want to see. Or was Graff taking some kind of risk, scam- him, since she was small. He remembered You are causing my stress. So give me some ming the system in order to send him the full very well. time to myself to calm down." set of letters? "You don't have to answer this," she said. "Incoming message." Or did Graff, a mere lieutenant, have a degree "Lieutenant Graff told us that you might not Mazer felt his stress levels rising even higher. of power that allowed him to openly flout the welcome this transmission. Might even refuse So he sighed and sat back and said, "Read orders of his superiors with impunity? to watch it. We don't want to make your voy- it. It's from Graff, right? Always use a male age harder. But Father, when you come home voice for the gitling." "Don't send the bugger-off letter," said -- when you come back to us -- you have a Mazer. home. In our hearts. Even if I'm gone, even "Admiral Rackham, I apologize for the if only our children are here to meet you, our intrusion," the computer baritoned. "Once I "I already sent it and receipt has been con- arms are open. Not to greet the conquering broached the possibility of letting your family firmed." hero. But to welcome home our papa and contact you, my superiors would not give up grandpa, however old we are. I love you. We on the idea, even though I warned them it "I'm actually quite happy that you did that," all do. All." would be more likely to be counterproduc- said Mazer. "So here's my next message: tive if you hadn't agreed in advance. Still, it Send the letters, gitling." And then, almost as an afterthought: "Please was my idea and I take full responsibility for read our letters." that, but it was also clumsily handled without Within a few minutes, the reply came, and waiting for your permission, and that was not this time the number of letters was much "I have letters for you," said the computer, as my responsibility. Though it was completely higher. the holospace went empty. predictable, because this is the military. There is no idea so stupid that it won't be seized And with nothing else to do, Mazer opened "Save them," said Mazer. "I'll get to them." upon and made the basis of policy, and no them and began to read them silently, in the idea so wise that it won't be perceived as order they were sent. Which means that the "You are authorized to send a visual reply," threatening by some paper pusher, who'll kill first hundred were all from Kim. said the computer. it if he can, or claim complete credit for it if it works. Am I describing the military you The progression of the early letters was "That will not happen," said Mazer. But even know?" predictable, but no less painful to read. She as he said it, he was wondering what he could was hurt, angry, grief-stricken, resentful, possibly say, if he changed his mind and did Clever boy, thought Mazer. Deflect my anger filled with longing. She tried to hurt him with send them his image. Some heroic speech to the IF. Make me his friend. invective, or with guilt, or by tormenting him about the nobility of sacrifice? Or an apology with sexually charged memories. Maybe she for accepting the assignment? "However, the decision was made to send was tormenting herself. you only those letters that you would find He would never show his face to them. encouraging. You're being `handled,' Admiral Her letters, even the angry ones, were Would never let Kim see that he was not Rackham. But if you want all the letters, I'll reminders of what he had lost, of the life changed. make sure you get the whole picture. It won't he once had. It's not as if she invented her make you happier, but at least you'll know temper for this occasion. She had it all along, He would read the letters. He would answer I'm not trying to manipulate you." and he had been lashed by it before, and bore them. There were duties you owed to family, a few old scars. But now it all combined to even if the reason they got involved was be- "Oh, right," said Mazer. make him miss her. cause of some meddling jerk of a lieutenant. "Or at least I'm not trying to trick you," said Her words hurt him, tantalized him, made "My first letter," said Mazer, "will be to the computer. "I'm trying to persuade you him grieve, and often he had to stop reading that git, Graff. It's very brief. `Bugger off, by winning your trust, if I can, and then your and listen to something -- music, poetry, or gitling.' Sign it `respectfully yours.'" cooperation. I will not lie to you or leave out the drones and clicks of subtle machinery information in order to deceive you. Tell me in the seemingly motionless craft that was "'Bugger' is a noun. `Git' is a substandard if you want all the letters or are content with hurtling through space in, the physicists as- verb, and `gitling' is not in any of my word- the comfortable version of your family's sured him, a wavelike way, though he could bases. I cannot spell or parse the message life." not detect any lack of solidity in any of the properly without explanation.... Do you mean objects inside the ship. Except, of course, `Leave this place, alien enemy'?" Mazer knew then that Graff had won -- Ma- himself. He could dissolve at a word, if it was zer would have no choice but to answer, and from her, and then be remade by another. "I made gitling up, but it's an excellent no choice but to request the omitted letters. word, so use it. And I can't believe they Then he would be beholden to the gitling. I was right to marry her, he thought again and programmed you without `bugger off' in the Angry, but in debt. again as he read. And wrong to leave her. I wordbase." cheated her and myself and my children, and The real question was this: Was Graff staging for what? So I could be trapped here in space "I detect stress," said the computer. "Will you the whole thing? Was he the one who with- while she grows old and dies, and then come accept mild sedation?" held the uncomfortable letters, only so he back and watch some clever young lad take could gain points with Mazer for then releas- his rightful place as commander of all the fleets, while I hover behind him, a relic of an had forbidden them to say or write anything strong emotional response to the letters. I'm old war, who lived out the wrong cliche. In- that would tell him that Kim had married deeply sorry for that. It must be a challenge, stead of coming home in a bag for his family another man and probably had more children to live in the presence of a computer that to bury, it was his family who grew old and -- but he knew, because that's the only thing reports everything you do to us, and then died while he came back still ... still young. she could mean when she said, "I have gone a team of shrinks try to figure out how to Young and utterly alone, purposeless except on, exactly as you said I should." That had respond in order to get the desired result. My for the little matter of saving the human race, been the crux of the argument. She insisting own feeling is that if we intend to trust the which wouldn't even be in his hands. that divorce only made sense if she intended future of the human race to this man, maybe to remarry, him saying that of course she we ought to tell him everything we know Her letters calmed down after a while. They didn't think of remarrying now, but later, and converse with him like an adult. But my became monthly reports on the family. As if when she finally realized that he would never own letters have to be passed through the he had become a sort of diary for her. A place come back as long as she lived, she wouldn't same panel of shrinks. For instance, they're where she could wonder if she was doing have to write and ask him for a divorce, it letting me tell you about them because they the right thing in her raising of the children would already be done and she could go hope that you will come to trust me more -- too stern, too strict, too indulgent. If her ahead, knowing that she had his blessing -- by knowing that I don't like what they do. decisions could have a wrong outcome or a and she had slapped him and burst into tears They're even letting me tell you this as a wrong motive, then she wondered constantly because he thought so little of her and her further attempt to allow the building of trust if she should have done it differently. That, love for him that he thought she could forget through recursive confession of trickery and too, was the woman he had known and loved and marry someone else ... deception. I bet it's working, too. You can't and reassured endlessly. possibly read any secret meanings into this But she had, and it was breaking his heart, letter." How did she hold together without him? Ap- because even though he had been noble about parently she remembered the conversations insisting on the divorce, he had believed her What game is he playing? Which parts of they used to have, or imagined new ones. She when she said she could never love any other his letters are true? The panel of shrinks inserted his side of the conversation into the man. made sense. The military mind: Find a way letters. "I know you'd tell me that I did the to negate your own assets so they fail even right thing ... that I had no choice ... of course She did love another man. He was gone only before you begin to use them. But if Graff you'd say ... you always told me ... I'm still a year, and she ... really did let Kim's admission that she had doing the same old ..." remarried sneak through, knowing that the No, he had been gone three decades now. shrinks would miss it, then did that mean he The things that a widow would tell herself Maybe it took her ten years before she found was on Mazer's side? Or that he was merely about her dead husband. another man. Maybe ... better than the shrinks at figuring out how to manipulate him? But widows could still love their husbands. "I will have to report this physical response," She has forgiven me. said the computer. "You can't possibly read any secret meanings into this letter," Graff had said. Did that mean And finally, in a letter written not so long "You do whatever you have to," said Mazer. that there was a secret meaning? Mazer read ago -- last week; half a year ago -- she said "What are they going to do, send me to the it over again, and now what he said in the it outright. "I hope you have forgiven me for hospital? Or -- I know -- they could cancel third sentence took on another possible mean- being so angry with you when you divorced the mission!" ing. "To live in the presence of a computer me. I know you had no choice but to go, and that reports everything you do to us." At first you were trying to be kind by cutting all ties He calmed down, though -- barking at the he had read it as if it meant "reports to us so I could go on with life. And I have gone computer made him feel marginally better. everything you do." But what if he literally on, exactly as you said I should. Let us please Even though his thoughts raced far beyond meant that the computer would report every- forgive one another." the words he was reading, he did read all the thing Mazer did to them. other letters, and now he could see hints and The words hit him like three-g accelera- overtones. A lot of unexplained references to That would mean they had detected his unde- tion. He gasped and wept and the computer "we" and "us" in the letters. She wanted him tectable reprogramming of the computer. became concerned. "What's wrong?" the to know. computer asked. "Sedation seems necessary." Which would explain the panel of shrinks "Send this to Graff. Tell him I know he broke and the sudden new urgency about finding a "I'm reading a letter from my wife," he said. his word almost as soon as he gave it." replacement for Mazer as commander. "I'm fine. No sedation." The answer came back in a moment. "Do you So the cat was out of the bag. But they But he wasn't fine. Because he knew what think I don't know exactly what I sent?" weren't going to tell him they knew what he Graff and the IF could not have known when had done, because he was the volatile one they let this message go through. Graff had Did he know? Or had he only just now real- who had done something insane and so they lied to him. He had withheld information. ized that Kim had slipped a message through, couldn't believe he had a rational purpose and now Graff was pretending that he knew it and speak to him openly. For what Mazer had told his wife was that all along ... she should go on with life and marry again. He had to let them see him and realize that he Another message from Graff: "Just heard was not insane. He had to get control of this That's what she was telling him. Somebody from your computer that you have had a situation. And in order to accomplish that, he had to trust Graff to be what he so obviously insubordination fortunately ended things identify those with the best potential. You'll wanted Mazer to think he was: An ally in the abruptly. This time, though, if we lose any give him all the help he asks for. All the effort to find the best possible commander for battle then we have lost the war. We will have people he asks for, regardless of their rank, the IF when the final campaign finally began. no second chance. We have no margin of er- training, or how much some idiot admiral Mazer looked in the mirror and debated ror. We can't afford to waste time getting rid hates or loves them. whether to clean up his appearance. There of you -- you, the idiots who are watching me were plenty of insane people who tried, right now, the idiots who are going to let the "Then Graff will figure out how to train the pathetically, to look saner by dressing like human race be destroyed in order to preserve candidates he identifies. Again, you'll do regular people. Then again, he had let himself your pathetic bureaucratic jobs. whatever he wants. Nothing is too expensive. get awfully tangle-haired and he was naked Nothing is too difficult. Nothing requires a all the time. At least he could wash and dress "So I reprogrammed my ship's navigational single committee meeting to agree. Every- and try to look like the kind of person that program so that I have complete control over body in the IF and everybody in the govern- military people could regard with respect. it. You can't override my decision. And my ment is Graff's servant, and all they should decision is this: I am not coming back. I will ever ask him is to clarify his instructions. When he was ready, he rotated into position not decelerate and turn around. I will keep and told the computer to begin recording his going on and on. "What I require of Graff is that he work on visual for later transmission. He suspected, nothing but the identification and training of though, that there would be no point in edit- "My plan was simple. Without me to count my replacement as battle commander of the ing it -- the raw recording was what the com- on as your future commander, you would International Fleet. If he starts bureaucratic puter would transmit, since it had obviously have no choice but to search for a new one. kingdom building -- in other words, if he reported his earlier reprogramming. Not go through the motions, but really search. turns out to be just another idiot -- I'll know it, and I'll stop talking to him. "I have reason to believe that you already "And I think you must have guessed that this know of the change I made in the onboard was my plan, because you started letting me "In exchange for your giving Graff this computer's programming. Apparently I could get messages from Lieutenant Graff. authority is that once I'm satisfied he has it take the computer's navigational system out and is using it correctly, then I'll turn this of your control, but couldn't keep it from "So now I have the problem of trying to make ship around immediately. I'll get home a few reporting the fact to you. Which suggests that sense of what you're doing. My guess is that years earlier than the original plan. I'll be part you meant this box to be a prison, but you Graff is trained as a shrink. Perhaps he works of training whatever commander you have. weren't very good at it. as an intelligence analyst. My guess is that he I'll evaluate Graff's work. I'll help choose is actually very bright and innovative and has among the candidates for the job, if you have "So I will now tell you exactly what you need got spectacular results at ... at something. So more than one that might potentially do the to know. You -- or, by now, your predecessors you decided to see if he could get me back on job. -- refused to believe me when I told them track. Only he is exactly the kind of wild man that I was not the right man to command the that terrifies you. He's smarter than you, and "And all along the way, Graff will com- International Fleet during the final campaign. so you have to make sure you keep him from municate with me constantly by ansible, so I was told that there would be a search for an getting the power to do anything that looks to that everything he does will be done with my adequate replacement, but I knew better. you like it might be dangerous. And since ev- counsel and approval. Thus, through Graff, I erything remotely effective will frighten you, am taking command of the search for our war "I knew that any `search' would be perfuncto- his main project has been figuring out how leader now. ry or illusory. You were betting everything on to get around you in order to establish honest me. However, I also know how the military communication between him and me. "But if you act like the idiots who led the works. Those who made the decision to rely fleet during the war I won, and try to obfus- on me would be long since retired before I "So here we are, at something of an impasse. cate and prevaricate and procrastinate and came back. And the closer we got to the time And all the power is in your hands at this mo- misdirect and manipulate and lie your way of my return, the more the new bureaucracy ment. So let me tell you your choices. There out of letting Graff and me control the choice would dread my arrival. When I got there, I are only two of them. and training of the battle commander, then I would find myself at the head of a completely won't turn this ship around, ever. unfit military organization whose primary "The first choice is the hard one. It will make purpose was to prevent me from doing any- your skin crawl. Some of you will go home "I'll just sail on out into oblivion. Our cam- thing that might cost somebody his job. Thus and sleep for three days in fetal position with paign will fail. The Buggers will come back I would be powerless, even if I was retained your thumbs in your mouths. But there's no to Earth and they'll finish the job this time. as a figurehead. And all the pilots who gave negotiation. This is what you'll do: And I, in this ship, will be the last living up everything they knew and loved on Earth human being. But it won't be my fault. It in order to go out and confront the Formics "You'll give Lieutenant Graff real power. will be yours, because you did not have the in their own space would be under the actual Don't give him a high rank and a desk and a decency and intelligence to step aside and let command of the usual gang of bureaucratic bureaucracy. Give him genuine authority. Ev- the people who know how to do the job of climbers. erything he wants, he gets. Because the whole saving the human race do it. reason he is alive will be this: To find the best "It always takes six months of war and a few possible commander for the fleets that will "Think about it as long as you want. I've got dreadful defeats to clear out the deadwood. decide the future of the human race. all the time in the world. But keep this in But we don't have time for that in this war, mind: Whoever tries to take control of this any more than we did in the last one. My "To do this he first has to find out how to situation and set up committees to study your response to this vid -- those are the people from a smile. International Fleet. But once we've done that you need to assign to remote desk jobs and "Once again, Admiral Rackham, with only -- and I know that's a big if -- I have plans of get them out of the IF right now. They are one weapon in your arsenal, you knew right my own. the allies of the Buggers -- they're the ones where to aim it." who will end up getting us all killed. I have "Because winning this particular war against already designated the only possible leader "I had two missiles the first time," said Mazer. this particular enemy is important, of course. for this program: Lieutenant Graff. There's "Do you wish me to record --" began the But I want to win all future wars the only no compromise. No maneuvering. Make him computer. way we can -- by getting the human race off a captain, give him more actual authority than this one planet and out of this one star sys- any other living human, stand ready to do "Shut up and continue the message," growled tem. The Formics already figured it out -- you whatever he tells you to do, and let him and Mazer. have to disperse. You have to spread out until me get to work. you're unkillable. "You should know that your former wife, "Do I believe you'll actually do this? No. Kim Arnsbrach Rackham Summers -- and "I hope they turn out to have failed. I hope That's why I reprogrammed my ship. Just yes, she does keep your name as part of her we can destroy them so thoroughly they can't remember that I am the guy who saved the legal name -- was instrumental in making this challenge us for a thousand years. human race, and I did it because I was able to happen. Because whenever somebody came see exactly how the Buggers' military system up with a plan for how to fool you and me "But by the end of that thousand years, when worked and find its weak spot. I have also into thinking they were in compliance with another Bugger fleet comes back for ven- seen how the human military system works, your orders, I would bring her to the meet- geance, I want them to discover that humans and I know the weak spot, and I know how ing. Whenever they said, `We'll get Admiral have spread to a thousand worlds and there is to fix it. I've just told you how. Either you'll Rackham to believe' some lie or other, she no hope of finding us all. do it or you won't. Now make your decisions would laugh. And the discussion would pretty and don't bother me again unless you've much end there. "I guess I'm just a big-picture guy, Admiral made the right one." Rackham. But whatever my long-range goals "I can't tell you how long it will last, but at are, this much is certain: If we don't have the Mazer turned back to the desk and selected this point, the IF seems to be ready to comply right commander and win this war, it won't save and send. fully. You should know that has involved matter what other plans anybody has. about two hundred early retirements and When he was sure the message was sent, he nearly a thousand reassignments, including "And you are that commander, sir. Not the returned to his sleeping space and let himself forty officers of flag rank. You still know how battle commander, but the commander who think again about Kim and Pai and Pahu, to blow things up. found a way to get the military to reshape about his grandchildren, about his wife's new itself in order to find the right battle com- husband and what children they might have. "There are things I already know about selec- mander without wasting the lives of countless What he did not let himself think about was tion and training, and over the next few years soldiers in meaningless defeats in order to the possibility of returning to Earth to meet we'll talk constantly. But I can't wait to take find him. these babies as adults and try to find a place actions until you and I have conferred on among them as if he were still alive, as if everything, simply because there's no time to "Sir, I will not address this topic again. But there were anyone left on Earth for him to waste and time dilation adds weeks to all our I have come to know your family in the past know and love. conversations. few weeks. I know now something of what you gave up in order to be in the position * "However, if I do something wrong, tell me you're in now. And I promise you, sir, that I The answer did not come for a full twelve and I'll change it. I'll never tell you that will do everything in my power to make your hours. Mazer imagined with amusement the we've already done this or that as if that were sacrifices and theirs worth the cost." struggles that must be going on. People fight- a reason not to do it the right way after all. ing for their jobs. Filing reports proving that I will show you that you have not made a Graff saluted, and then disappeared from the Mazer was insane and therefore should not mistake in trusting this to me. holospace. be listened to. Struggling to neutralize Graff -- or suck up to him, or get themselves as- "The thing that puzzles me, though, is how And even though he could not be seen by signed as his immediate supervisor. Trying to you decided to trust me. My communications anybody, Mazer Rackham saluted him back. figure out a way to fool Mazer into thinking to you were full of lies or I couldn't have they had complied without actually having to written to you at all. I didn't know you and do it. had no clue how to tell you the truth in a way that would get past the committees that had to The answer, when it came, was from Graff. approve everything. The worst thing is that in It was a visual. Mazer was pleased to see that fact I'm very good at the bureaucratic game while Graff was, in fact, young, he wore the or I couldn't have got to the position to com- ____________________________________ uniform in a slovenly way that suggested that municate directly with you in the first place. from InterGalactic Medicine Show Issue 1 looking like an officer wasn't a particularly story İOrson Scott Card high priority for him. "So let me tell you -- now that no one will be censoring my messages -- that yes, I think the artwork İHoward Lyon He wore a captain's insignia and a serious highest priority is finding the right replace- expression that was only a split second away ment for you as battle commander of the www.intergalacticmedicineshow.com