The First Lord of Banking was keeping Zhu Irzh waiting, and this was not a good sign. Zhu Irzh had now been cooling his heels in the lushly appointed antechamber for more than an hour. It was like the Ministry of Epidemics all over again. Zhu Irzh studied his long, trimmed talons, and sighed. He knew very well that this was a message, the unmistakable odor of displeasure, and he did not have to look very far to find its source. However, it seemed his luck had held, even if he had temporarily misplaced the love of his life. Immediately prior to coming here, he'd checked in at his department to smooth things over with his superiors and there he had found the e-mail from Chen: sent some time before and carefully encoded. Zhu Irzh leaned back in his chair for a moment and closed his eyes. Surely this would please the First Lord; it was the very answer they'd been looking for. Consumed with the need to impart this information, Zhu Irzh fidgeted.
"How long did you say he'd be?" he asked the secretary, a pinched person with a face like an old sour plum and thinning hair arranged in precarious strands across his pointed scalp. The secretary's mouth disappeared inwards, as though his tongue had turned into a lemon.
"I've told you already. The First Lord has a guest—an important guest—and is not to be disturbed. He will see you when he is ready."
"Who's the guest?" Zhu Irzh asked, more out of a perverse desire to irritate the secretary than from any real need for information. The secretary was shocked.
"I would not presume to expect such an august personage to make himself known to me. I suggest you follow my example."
Zhu Irzh bowed his head.
"I'll do my best," he remarked with irony. The secretary opened his mouth to reply but before he could utter a suitable retort the door of the First Lord's office slid open and someone stepped through. Zhu Irzh was unable to suppress a hollow twinge of dismay in the pit of his stomach. He did not recognize the person who stood before him, but it was pretty obvious where the demon had come from. The demon's face was blotched and mottled, and it dragged down one side, revealing an uneven array of teeth. A wizened hand was tucked inside the left sleeve. The demon carried with him an overpowering smell of decay. He was dressed in a glossy robe of dark and polished skin; not a Westerner's hide, but one of the African races. To Zhu Irzh's mind, this meant that the demon was not of the highest echelons of the Ministry of Epidemics, but he was certainly high enough. A quick glance revealed that the demon's feet were reversed: someone of moderate wealth and power, then—perhaps an Under-Minister or Deputy. The demon's contorted smile froze when he saw Zhu Irzh. He rocked backwards on his back-to-front feet, and then he pursed his lips with difficulty and spat. The globule of spittle landed some way from Zhu Irzh's feet, but immediately began inching forwards like a slug. Fastidiously, Zhu Irzh stepped back, and the demon's smile grew mirthlessly wide.
"You," the demon said in a thick, mucus-filled voice. "You are to be dealt with." Without another word he stalked past Zhu Irzh, in the mincing gait characteristic of the podially reversed, and was gone through the door. Hissing with disapproval, the secretary rushed forwards with a little brush and gathered the creeping spittle from the fine red carpet, just as the First Lord of Banking appeared in the hallway.
"Who was that?" asked Zhu Irzh, forgetting titles and etiquette. For once, the First Lord did not appear to notice this lapse and it was only later that Zhu Irzh realized the depths of unease that this betrayed.
The First Lord said, "That was a person named Ki Ti. I don't need to tell you where he came from." Sniffing, he extracted a heavily perfumed handkerchief from the depths of one sleeve and held it to his face. "I know it's a mark of identity and commitment, but I do wish the Ministry of Epidemics would do something about the manner in which their personnel present themselves. A really quite repulsive smell—worse than that aftershave everyone seems to wear nowadays. I know we abide in Hell but one has to have some standards. . . Anyway. Come in."
Zhu Irzh followed him through the door and into the office. The First Lord of Banking snapped imperious fingers and the secretary scuttled after them.
"Windows!" Even the stuffy air of the world beyond was preferable to the odor in the office. "Now. We'll come to my visitor in a minute, but first things first. This woman whom you so gallantly rescued. You said she had a secret. What was it?"
"Lord, I think I know what the Ministry of Epidemics has been up to," Zhu Irzh said, skillfully avoiding the issue of exactly who had imparted this information. He intended to say nothing of the e-mail from Chen. Let First Lord think it was the girl; it would save all sorts of problems. The First Lord of Banking swung round, his face a sudden paradigm of greed. "Oh? Tell me."
"They're making a plague. Not just the usual sort of plague, but one which will affect perhaps millions of humans. They want human blood and innocent souls, to manufacture a drug."
"A drug? What kind of drug?"
"I don't know."
"But I think I do. There have been rumors of a new drug, Zhu Irzh—a drug that will let demons into a place where we have been eternally forbidden to go—into Heaven itself. Interesting," the First Lord mused, ignoring Zhu Irzh's surprise. "It seems, Seneschal, that you have been rather more efficient than I'd previously expected. And this woman was certain that this is what the Ministry is doing?"
"Yes, quite certain," Zhu Irzh lied. He felt it necessary to add a little verisimilitudinous doubt to add weight to his case. "Of course, she might have been wrong."
"She might have been. . . and yet the Ministry is very keen to keep something quiet," the First Lord of Banking mused. He tapped the edge of his ornate fan against his teeth. "Tell me, Zhu Irzh, what do you know about humans? How might this disease be spread?"
Zhu Irzh thought for a moment.
"Sexual contact? The Ministry has had some real successes with those recently. Also poverty, and overpopulation. Crowded conditions allow diseases to spread."
"Perhaps. These methods, though—they're old-fashioned, Zhu Irzh, and that's what's wrong with them. This is the constant criticism from the Imperial Court—we simply have to move with the times. Look at my Ministry, for example. There's nothing old-fashioned about Wealth. We're well up to date on the new technology, economic theories, manipulation of the earthly organizations with whom we've taken care to establish excellent relations—like the World Bank and the WTO. And that's why the Ministry of Wealth has continued to move up in the world, whilst War and Epidemics and such are struggling to consolidate their power base. Take War, for example. They had an ideal strategy with the rise of nuclear power, and did they capitalize on it?" The first Lord of Banking swung round to face Zhu Irzh. Dutifully, the latter replied, "No, they didn't."
"Absolutely right! They squandered the perfect opportunity to engage the world in mass destruction. No wonder the Imperial Court's cut their funding. And look at them now—relegated to dealing with petty tribal conflicts in Europe, of all places, not to mention the former Soviet Union. And Epidemics is the same. A limited success with that smart STD of theirs—what was it? Can't remember the name—"
"AIDS?" Zhu Irzh supplied helpfully.
"That's the one. And that was only due to a short-term contractual agreement with the Ministry of Lust. Now that contract's ended, what happens? Humanity finds a cure. Whereas the really virulent viruses—Ebola, Marburg—have never been properly supported. They haven't been nurtured, Zhu Irzh, and I call that an inexcusable waste of resources."
"Lord, may I ask a question?" Zhu Irzh ventured.
"I suppose so."
"What's the relationship between Epidemics and your Ministry?"
The First Lord of Banking sighed.
"It's never been easy, Seneschal. You see, we're in the business of making money. Pure and simple. But diseases are not a lucrative business, if you look at them from the perspective of their field of operations. Where they are lucrative is in the matter of the drugs that are used to treat them. That's why most of our work in that area is dedicated to the pharmaceutical companies."
"So," Zhu Irzh said, frowning. "You're actually in the business of helping humanity—of finding cures for the diseases that—literally—plague them?"
"I know we've often been accused of gratuitous altruism by those who know no better," the First Lord of Banking said, rather stiffly. "But one has to understand the nature of these operations. By keeping the price of treatment drugs artificially high, and making sure that only those who can afford it have the opportunity of a cure, we're actually supporting the work that the Ministry of Epidemics does. I mean, look at Africa and our liaison with the Underworld there. If it hadn't been for us, human doctors would have been able to treat the entire population against a whole range of diseases, and Epidemics wouldn't have enjoyed one of its very few success stories. I've tried time and time again to explain this to the Minister of Epidemics, but he doesn't seem to understand it—typical B-stream civil servant, even if he does pretend to be an aristocrat."
"I see," Zhu Irzh said slowly. "So would you say, Lord, that there's a certain amount of historical resentment between Wealth and Epidemics?"
"To put it mildly."
"And you mentioned to me that when you met the Minister of Epidemics at the opera he seemed to think that you were taking some interest in his affairs."
"Clearly so. Indeed, Seneschal, he was right. We were—we just didn't know it at that point."
"So if the Ministry is planning to wage some enormous campaign against humanity in order to consolidate its own position and win renewed favor with the Imperial Court, what are the chances that it might be planning to take Wealth down with it?" Zhu Irzh thought uneasily of his rescue of Leilei from the depths of the Ministry of Epidemics, and wondered what would happen if the latter organization connected him with the First Lord of Banking. As seemed obvious, now that someone from the Ministry had seen him cooling his heels in the First Lord's front office, and the crab-demon had tracked Leilei to his own home. He glanced up at his employer. The First Lord's eyes were as cold as glass in winter.
"That seems entirely likely," the First Lord said. He gave a bleak smile. "You are correct in the supposition that has displayed itself so transparently upon your features, Zhu Irzh. No, you have not helped. However, given that your actions have resulted in a piece of information that, if acted upon correctly, might save all our skins, I am inclined to overlook your youthful enthusiasm."
"Thank you, Lord. Most generous."
"I know. Have you found any trace of the young woman?"
"No."
"Has she outlived her usefulness?"
"On the contrary, Lord," Zhu Irzh said quickly. "I suspect she holds a vast store of information that can only be to our benefit. However, I was planning to question her further when I was interrupted by the crab-demon."
"I see. Well, if she's that useful, you'd better find her then. But first," the First Lord of Banking said with a ghastly smile, "I have an additional task for you."