The Doomsday Brunette

By John Zakour & Lawrence Ganem

Chapter 1: Fame

My name is Zachary Nixion Johnson. My mom was a fan of ancient American presidents and either a big practical joker or a lousy speller. There’s not much action these days for a private detective such as myself. The world is a fairly quiet place in 2056. These days most folks prefer to simply buy any private information they might need from one of numerous database networks that specialize in that sort of thing; making most of my days quiet ones. Still, I’m my own boss and the pay when I do get work is good. My agent keeps plenty of promotions coming my way and there’s the occasional special program about me on HoloVision. Plus, when you’re the last private detective in the universe people still come to see you. Some people come out of curiosity, some come out of esperation, some come because they don’t like computers. I don’t care what their reasons are. Just as long as they bring their bank accounts. “Research” is expensive.

So, all in all, I can’t complain. It’s not a bad life. Actually, it would be the perfect job, excepting for those occasional moments when someone tries to separate my head from the rest of my body.

It started off like an average day. I was cleaning my gun while playing some backgammon with my trusty computer HARV. Guns may be old fashioned and pass and generally quite nasty, but I still prefer them to energy weapons. Energy weapons make killing too clean and easy. Killing should never be clean and easy. Besides, my trusty Colt 45 version 2A, despite its looks, is anything but old fashioned. It is vocal activated and it packs enough high-tech lead to bring down an angry elephant. Despite the fact that I hardly ever get attacked by angry elephants, it’s nice to know I’d be ready if the need arises. As for the backgammon, HARV was as usual winning. Which should come to no surprise as HARV rolled and controlled the dice. He gave me his solemn oath that he wasn’t cheating. But a computer’s solemn oath is only slightly less valuable than yesterday’s loosing lottery ticket, especially when computer in question has won four games in a row. Finally, I decided to question him on his unusual good fortune. “Oh, come off it HARV!” I said, not bothering to hide my anger. “How can you possibly expect me to believe that you’re not loading the dice?”

“ZACH, old buddy. You’re my boss and my friend my amigo,” HARV answered in that calm metallic not quite human, not quite machine tone. “Why would I, your trusty computer, cheat? I have no ego, therefore, winning or losing is the same to me. I play only to make you happy. I realize that you would not be happy if I simply let you win, so I do not. I can not help it if you are unlucky.”

“Well, at least I’m lucky at love,” I sighed, more out frustration than desperation.

“That is true. By the way, where is the lovely Electra today?”

“I think she’s performing a heart transplant today or something equally as gross.”

“Oh, so that explains why she is not here acting as your receptionist.”

“Yeah, some people just have no sense of priorities. She claims she didn’t spend six years in medical school just to look pretty and to greet people at my door.” “She does have a point there big guy.”

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t see any reason why she can’t have two jobs,” I sighed, more out of desperation than frustration .

“Face it boss. You better break down and hire someone or something. And by the way, you have an appointment with THE ONA THOMPSON in less than 10 minutes. Hubba Hubba.”

“Thanks for reminding me buddy. How about refreshing my memory with some background info on Ona. And please refrain from the HUBBA HUBBAs.” “Fine. Watch my screen. How much about her do you know?”

“To tell the truth, I never really paid much attention to her. I never figured she’d be a potential client. All I know is what I see on HV and read in the trade-vids, she’s rich beyond belief and gorgeous beyond compare. They also say she’s kind of eccentric.”

“Well, that’s fairly trivial but a good start. Just watch my screen and I’ll fill you in on the details.”

The backgammon board on HARV’s screen was replaced by the picture of a purple skinned woman. Despite her strange pigmentation she was without a doubt the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

HARV started his play by play.

“This is ONA THOMPSON. She stands 2 meters tall and to quote a phrase, there is no question that all of it is woman. She is one of the Thompson quadruplets. Their dad, Dr. Dave Thompson was a brilliant but totally loony scientist.”

The picture of the one woman split into four equally beautiful woman. They were all identical except for their hair color.

“The quads were named according to the order in which they where born: Ona, Twa, Threa, and Fora .”

The names of each quad were super-imposed over their images on the screen. Ona was the one with brunette hair. Twa was the red head. Threa was the blond. And Fora kept her naturally purple hair.

“Dr. Thompson may have been brilliant, but he certainly wasn’t very creative.” “Do me a favor HARV just give me the facts without critiquing them.”

“Fine, I never to get have any fun. The quads were one of Dr. T’s early experiments in genetic reproduction. He had done good work. They were, for all intents and purposes, the perfect human beings. Everything was perfect: perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect mouths, perfect little noses, perfect bodies, perfect skin except for the minor detail of it being purple. Still, some of you humans even thought this added to their appeal.”

HARVs screen split into five separate views. One view showed your typical mad scientist working away in a lab. The other four each showed one of the quads while they were in their teens.

“As you can plainly see, the quads, except for their hair color — which I believe they dye, are all identical. They are all far, far stronger than any normal human could ever hope to be. Besides their obvious physical attributes they all have IQ’s way beyond any standard means of measurement. Not only that, they all produced abnormally high amounts of pheremones that can be used to bend the will of average humans into doing just about anything.”

The pictures of the four quads animated. The first quad, Ona, was being followed around a large room by a bunch of men acting like chickens. The second, Twa, was beating the pulp out of a couple of battle-bots. The third, Threa, was sculpting rock with her bare hands. The fourth, Fora, just sat there seemly lost in deep meditation. This struck me as odd, or at least different than her sisters. HARV’s dissertation snapped me back to the present.

“To make matters even more interesting Boss, the sisters, as I’m sure even you know aren’t exactly what you’d call the best of friends.

Their problems stem from the fact that their father also was famous for another invention. It was the Ultimate doomsday device— or the D-cubed as the press dubbed it.”

The pictures of the four quads were replaced by blue prints and schematics for some sort of machine. HARV whirled them all by me quickly — knowing that I didn’t have the foggiest idea what they were. While the pictures whizzed by HARV continued to talk.

“The D-cubed was a machine that could, in theory, create an instant black hole anywhere in the universe. For that matter it could create a black hole any place in time or space. Just enter three little coordinates and presto — instant black hole sending your enemies to only God knows where.”

“I remember hearing something about this when I was a kid. It sounded quite nasty.”

“You bet. The biggest drawback to using black holes as weapons is that black holes are near impossible to control.”

HARV’s screen filled with question marks running around through an endless maze. “Also, what do you do with one once you’ve got one made? How do you get rid of it before it sucks in more than you want it to? There just aren’t any black hole recycling plants around. There was also the little problem of what exactly would a man-made black hole do to the time-space-continuum. These are little things rational human beings tend to worry about. Unfortunately, scientists, terrorists and politicians aren’t always rational.”

“Yes, my thoughts exactly buddy.”

“Try not to interrupt, I’m on a roll here.”

“Sorry, ” I could have sworn HARV sounded angry.

“Fortunately, rational minds somehow prevailed. Every government and industry in the known universe took up a huge collection. Even the other civilizations Earth has made contact with chipped in. They knew what humans could do with weapons of mass destruction. Seeing what you organic ones could do with simple nukes, the universe was not eager to see what humans could accomplish with a weapon capable of theoretically destroying entire galaxies.”

The dancing question marks on HARV’s screen were replaced by dollar signs. Growing dollar signs.

“So, Dr. Thompson got paid NOT to build his Doomsday Device. No government or industry could or would admit to wanting it. And certainly nobody wanted anybody else to have it.

Dr. Thompson became a multi-trillionare NOT building something that may have NEVER worked in the first place. Mind you, this was all only THEORETICAL. Sort of like the Cubs winning a world series.”

“Remember HARV I said no critiquing.”

“Sorry. As an added precaution, to be on the extremely safe side, the plans were destroyed and Dr. Thompson underwent a slight mind-erasing operation.” HARV’s screen now showed Dr. Thompson scratching the top of his head and wondering around his lab with a dazed look on his face. “Poor Dr. T died a very short time later. He was killed in a lab accident. He dropped a test tube that had been holding a new form of high powered liquid explosive.”

HARV’s screen was filled with a huge explosion. It was so bright I had to cover my eyes. I also had to give HARV credit for really getting into his presentation. When I uncovered my eyes there was a headstone on the screen.

“Besides being brilliant and loony, it seems he was also very clumsy. The D^3 soon became nothing more than the answer to a trivia question.”

HARV’s screen zoomed out to review a bunch of mourners around the grave. All four of the quads were there. They were dressed in black squirts that were so short, I sort of wondered why they even bothered wearing them. The rest of the people at the funeral seemed to be more interested in the quads than the deceased. Once again HARV snapped me back into reality. “How do you like it so far?” “You’re doing great HARV. As always.” Even though HARV always claimed not to have an ego; I still thought it didn’t hurt to give him a little ego boast now and then.

“Thanks, I borrowed the footage from old news-vids. Do you think it needs a sound track? Maybe a little Bach in the background.”

“No, HARV. I don’t think it needs a sound track. Right now, I’m more interested in education value than entertainment.” Suddenly, something clicked on in my mind. “HARV, what’s the story with the Doc’s money? I know there’s quite a lawsuit going on.”

“Boy, you’re not kidding. Not being totally forgetful Dr. T had made out a will. Being fairly forgetful however, he had forgotten he had four daughters. In his will he left all of his credits to his oldest daughter, Ona. That money made her the richest being in the known Universe.”

“Good, it’s always nice to have rich clients.”

“True, but with rich clients always come angry and potentially dangerous enemies. Especially in this case. Ona’s sisters were not at all happy with the will.” “True, ” I interrupted. “The court battle between them is legendary.”

“Yes, and please try not to interrupt. Remember, I’m the one who dishes out the info here.”

“Sorry, you don’t have to get snippy about it.”

Harv continued, ignoring my last statement. “Not only has the sister’s battle dominated the evening infos and tabloid-vids over the last few years, it also employs at least 40 percent of the lawyers left on earth after the Great Lawyer Purge of 2041.” HARV’s screen now showed a court room crowded to the rafters with spectators and press. “It really is quite a bizarre situation. The nanosecond after the will was read Twa and Threa sued for their quarter of the take.” A pie chart spun onto the screen. The chart split into four pieces. One piece started to grow while the others shrank down to nothing until only the one piece was left consuming the entire screen. The piece morphed into the form of Ona. It was all really quite impressive. “Fora, the baby in the family (by maybe a good 4 minutes), then made a surprise move by suing to be left out of the deal. After her father’s untimely demise she had become an evangelist living in New Las Vegas preaching the evils of material goods. Seeing that Fora wanted nothing to do with the money, Twa and Threa then changed their lawsuit from a quarter to a third. Ona then went to court claiming the money must be split four ways. It was an obvious yet shrewd move. It assured that the case would be tied up in the courts for decades.”

“Meanwhile Ona collects interest on all the money.”

“Very good deduction for a human boss. After all, as far as the courts are concerned the money is all legally Ona’s. If Twa and Threa do eventually win their cases, they can then sue for part of the interest Ona’s collecting; but that will tie things up for decades more.”

The Ona Thompson form on the screen now morphed into a giant pulsating question mark. As HARV continued.

“The whole deal really sings with questions! How could Dr. T forget three of his daughters? Did Fora and Ona strike up some sort of a deal? Why didn’t Twa and Threa settle for a fourth?”

“Why couldn’t Dr. Thompson have adopted me?” I added.

“Careful Zach. You’re letting your mind wander around all by itself. Do that around Ona and she’ll blast you with her pheremones!” HARV warned, actually sounding concerned.

“They’re really that strong?” I asked, trying to mask the concern in my voice. “Let’s put it this way, if your not careful you’ll be cleaning her shoes with your tongue.”

“Oh. Can my enhancers handle them?” I asked, trying even harder to mask the concern in my voice.

“Probably, at least in short doses. I’ll interface with Dr. Pool’s database to see if I can crunch some numbers to give you a better idea of how much you can take.” While HARV interfaced, I thought. I touched the bands I wear around my arms and smiled. I was glad to have friends in high-tech places. To the naive eye, my bands may look like normal stylish male bracelets, but they are in actuality much more than a simple fashion statement. Their inventor, Dr. Randy Pool calls them enhancer bracelets. They allow me to tap into and magnify the electromagnetic current generated by my body as it goes about doing its routine maintenance. The whole process is very complicated, taking advantage of things like TCA cycles, brain synapses and stuff like that. All I know is that my enhancers let me do a whole host of things I can’t do without them.

“I’m back boss.”

“That was fast. What can you tell me?”

“Ah, not much. The data is inconclusive. Seems there has never been a successful study of the sisters. Those who have tried have usually ended up, quacking like ducks, barking like dogs, or doing any number of embarrassing things.

“It seems the quads like their secrets.”

“That’s a logical conclusion. My best guess is that you can hold them off for awhile.”

“Gee, thanks HARV.”

“Sorry. What can I say? I’m just a machine?”

No sooner had HARV finished reminding me that machines are only as good as their makers when she walked in. The picture on the computer screen was nothing to the real 3-D flesh and blood woman. A lesser man would have been dumbfounded by her beauty. I was only stunned.

Chapter 2: Greed

Ona approached me and held out a finely manicured hand. “Mr. Johnson. I’m Ona Thompson,” she said, her voice rang in my ears like my favorite song.

I grasped her hand. Despite the fact that I knew this hand could grind every bone in my hand into useless pulp it was still the softest hand I had ever felt.

“What brings you to my humble office?” I asked, stumbling over the words. I was trying to be professional, but her simple gaze was reducing my IQ exponentially. “One of my sisters tried to kill me,” she replied coldly, her eyes never leaving mine. I wanted to reply with something witty, but my brain was being disconnected from my mouth. The room was spinning. Something was up. The woman was beautiful, but this went beyond mere beauty. She even smelled beautiful. Suddenly it hit me. She was blasting me with pheromones! It seemed Ona always liked to make sure she got her way right from the start.

It was an effort, but I sent a message to the neuroreceptors that govern pleasure centers in my mind, telling them to scramble themselves a bit. Only temporary, mind you, but enough to enable me to resist her charms.

I paused to regain my composer, then said, “Trillions of credits tend to bring out the worst in human nature. I suppose superhuman nature is no different. Maybe worse,” I stated coldly.

I looked at her. She seemed quite astounded that I was still operating under my own free will. I decided to take advantage while I still have the table tilted every so slightly in my favor.

“How do you know that one of your sisters tried to do you in?” I said. I loved talking like that.

Ona quickly regained her composer, never actually letting on that my failure to lose my composer had temporarily caused her to lose hers. She daintily cleared her throat and said, “My Nanny and I were having a little party with champagne from my private collection. She died after taking only a slight sip. I analyzed the champagne; it was laced with cyanide, an ancient poison.”

“Yes, I know what cyanide is. Crude and old fashioned but still lethal.” “The champagne had far more of the quantity lethal to normal humans,” she stated calmly.

“Luckily you’re not a normal human,” I answered just as calmly. “Exactly.”

“Did you go to the police?” I questioned. “No, the police have a tendency to ask all sorts of embarrassing questions. Plus, I don’t want the press to get a whiff of this. They’re always hounding us for headlines and quotes as it is.”

Despite what they say in the flicks and HV, information is the private dick’s best weapon. At that moment I was barely packing a H_2O pistol. I needed more. “What makes you think one of your sisters would kill you?”

“Who else?” she stated very matter-of-factly.

“Who gets your credits if you happen do die?” I questioned, very professionally.

“I have no will, as I am not planning to die!” She seemed quite sure of herself. “Why, for argument’s sake,” I suggested, “just suppose you were to meet an untimely demise. Who then would get your credits?”

She thought for a moment. “I don’t know. It would probably be up to the Save The Cats Foundation to decide. They were my father’s favorite charity. He always gave them a little something. Their board of directors are executors of his will.” She paused for a moment and then looked a bit sad. “Daddy never really liked cats. But he felt sorry for them after they became an endangered species after that strange cat-eating fad started in 2032.”

I paused to process what she had said, then continued with my questioning. “So what do your sisters gain by killing you? Unless of course they happen to be cat lovers.”

“Nothing. The first attempt was only to scare me. Surely my sisters know it would take more than cyanide to kill me! My sisters do hate me though. If they can’t scare me into dropping my lawsuits I’m sure one of them will try to actually kill me.” “So why don’t you back down? 25 trillion credits is still a lot of moola!” “Huh?” She looked puzzled.

“Moola is detective talk for credits,” I informed her.

“Oh. It’s the principle. I’m sure my father would have wanted us to split the credits evenly.”

“True,” I agreed, “had he remembered that he had four daughters, not one.” “Exactly!” She said. “Plus,” I pointed out, “it doesn’t hurt that you’ll make more interest off this deal than most planets gross in a couple of decades.”

“No reason I shouldn’t benefit from my lucky break, is there?” She smiled, then continued, “I am the oldest and wisest of the sisters. I’ll invest the interest well and give them a cut.”

“A cut?” I questioned.

“Sure,” she nodded her head. “At least 1 percent after taxes.”

“You’re all heart.” I stated. “Hey, it’s a better deal than they’d get at any bank.”

“Maybe so, but the bank would toss in a nuctoaster.” Though the conversation was sparkling, I thought it would be best to get back to business.

“So where do I come in?” I asked in my best business-like voice.

“I want you to find out which sister is trying to kill me.”

“Sounds easy enough. My normal rate is 5000 credits a day.” This was slightly exaggerated — but she could afford it.

“Fine. I’ll give you 10000 credits a day. But I also want you to kill whichever sister is trying to kill me.”

“I’ll take the raise, thank you. But I’m no hit man. I don’t kill unless somebody tries to kill me. My agent would have a fit. It’s bad for the good guy image.”

My body started to tingle! Now she was hitting me with pheremones: full force!! I had to give her credit for being persistent. I sent another command to my brain to scramble it’s synapses even more. The tingling stopped. I didn’t know how much more of this I could take, but for now my defenses were holding. I straightened myself and pretended as if nothing had happened. “Like I said, Ona, the credits are fine. But I’m not a hired gun. I’ll find the would-be assassin. What you do with her, him or it is up to you.”

She smiled at me. “You’re a fascinating man, Mr. Johnson. You’re hired. We’ll work out the last part of the deal when the time comes.”

I decided to ignore her last statement, at least for the time being.

“Small problem,” I said. “Not to brag, but being the last detective in the universe has made me sort of a minor celeb. Won’t your sisters get suspicious when I start snooping around?”

“I have that covered, Zach. You’ll be my latest lover. You’ll come stay with us at the mansion.”

Ona’s love exploits were legendary. Due to an ancient disease called AIDS the early 2000’s had become a very conservative sexual era. It took some 50 years after the disease was wiped out for promiscuity to make a comeback. And boy was it ever making a comeback! Ona Thompson was leading the charge.

“Do I fit the bill?” I prompted.

“Sure, you’re kind of cute,” she said as she touched my chin. Despite my defenses her touch sent a chill up my spine.

“Thanks,” I said. “But we private dicks hate being called cute. Do it again and I’ll have to slug ya.”

She giggled. It was her ‘you-wouldn’t-have-a-snowball’schance’ giggle. She was probably right. Without my enhancers she was definitely right. With my enhancers I was pretty sure I could at least maybe make her work up a little sweat. “You’ll start now?” She half-questioned, half-ordered. “I have a couple of little details to clear up,” I stated somewhat defiantly.

“Fine. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at your home,” she said as she left my office. I smiled. I knew I was about to start either a great dream or a terrible nightmare. Whichever it turned out to be, at least I’d be well paid.

Chapter 3: Strangers In the Twilight.

I left the office thinking about how Electra was going to react to the news that I’d be spending a good deal of time over the next few days with a trillionaire play girl? When Electra got her fiery Latino temper going she was my most dangerous foe.

My train of thought was suddenly derailed by a nasty right (I think) to the stomach. I had let my mind wander and my guard down; women will do that to you all the time!

I fell backward more as a chance to catch my breath than because of the blow. I was thankful for all the those sit-ups Electra made me do. Of course, the light body armor I was wearing also helped. My armor is made from the high tech combo of light weight, flexible steel enforced with buckeyballs: highly durable, spherical carbon molecules: a man who snoops into other people’s business can never be too careful.

I looked up to two extremely ugly faces connected to two extremely large bodies.

“Zachary Nixion?” the uglier face asked.

“Do you mean Zachary Nixion Johnson?” I asked back.

He paused for a second. “Yeah, that’s right.” He corrected himself. “Zachary Nixion Johnson?”

“Fraid not.” I replied.

“Gee, George!” The other face, that not even a mother with poor eye sight could love, replied. “We jumped the wrong guy!”

“We did not!” the first face said, as he grabbed and lifted me off the ground into the air with one arm. “He’s just being a smart ass. Aren’t ya?”

I nodded in agreement. It’s always wise to agree with people who can lift you off the ground with one arm. His arms were extremely strong. I guessed they were probably bionic.

“This is what ya get for being a wise ass,” he said as he heaved me three meters across the street into a brick wall.

Luckily I was able to channel the magnetic energy from my body to use as a buffer between myself and the wall. The impact still smarted, though. Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to be right.

They started to walk towards me. Smiling. It was nice to see guys who really enjoyed their work.

“We understand you just took a new job. We want ya ta untook it,” the uglier one said.

“Yeah!” The other one who was obviously a literary genius chimed in. Not many things catch me by surprise. This did. My office, despite it’s quaint 1950’s look is filled with the latest in 2050’s high-tech, anti-bugging devices. No way anyone could have been listening in to my conversation with Ona. At least not mechanically. But psychically was a whole new ball game. And who knows what the Quads were mentally capable of? “Afraid I’m getting paid way too much to back out just because a couple of winners of the world’s ugliest mug contest so politely ask me to.” “Good!” They both almost sang in unison as they pulled energy knives from their pockets and activated them. “We were hoping you’d be stupid enough to say that.”

As they approached I moved my wrist in just the right way that makes my trusty little Colt 45 version 2A pop into my hand.

“Cute .” The uglier one said.

“If you guys have half a brain between you you’ll turn around and go back home to your mommies now,” I said, using the most ferocious voice I could muster. They weren’t impressed or scared. They kept coming.

“My mommy taught me never to come home with unfinished business,” the uglier one bellowed.

“Besides, what’s a little toy like that going to do to US anyway,” the dumber (if that was possible) one added.

I let my fingers do the talking. When they were within a meter of me I fired. True, it was a little gun. With little bullets. But while the gun itself may have been modeled after a weapon of the past, it and the bullets it held were thoroughly modern weapons created by the brilliant and thankfully slightly demented Dr. Randy Pool.

I yelled, “Murve” the instant before I fired once.

Contrary to what some might say, once was enough. When my bullet hit the air it split into 10 separate bullets, each one packing a highly explosive charge. At least nine hit their marks, knocking their targets to the ground — making my ugly friends even uglier.

I got up and dusted myself off.

I had aimed low on purpose. Death isn’t always a good enough deterrent to keep some people from doing something you don’t want them to. Some folks have nothing to live for therefore they prefer death to life. So I went for pain, aiming where I knew the bullets would count. Pain almost always works. These guys would act as a warning message to anybody else who might be planning to mess with me. Checking out my new friends they were both in considerable pain but they both looked like they’d live. They’d probably never walk again without the use of electronic aids and they would certainly never procreate. The world owed me big time for that one.

My little gun had made a big impact on their lives while also creating a real big noise. I figured I should leave before the police came and asked lots of those potentially embarrassing questions Ona had been talking about. “So long guys. It’s been a real pleasure. Drop by again sometime, we’ll go dancing.” I gave them a polite wave as I made a hasty exit.

They only groaned back. Still their groans were nearly as audible and made just as much sense as their conversations. As I started towards my parked car every hair on the back of my neck stood up. My enhancers when activated make me totally (well pretty much) aware of my surroundings. By speeding up the synapses in my brain I can easily access that 6th sort of animal sense we all have locked up deep inside our minds.

Something inside my head said, “Duck, stupid!”

I did.

I felt the air rush over my head and the heat of yet another energy dagger. I blindly threw a back kick. I felt it make contact. I heard an audible little, “Ooof” from my latest assailant. I also heard a clunk which sounded very much like an energy dagger hitting the ground.

I had caught him as off guard as he had almost caught me.

I turned to face my opponent. What I saw I didn’t like. He wasn’t a man —he was a mountain. An angry mountain. He was well over two and a half meters tall and weighed well over 150 kilos. He was covered with either fur or hair, it was hard to tell. It wasn’t hard to tell that he was very angry. He looked like he was ready to rush me. I tried to activate my Colt 45. Nada. I noticed that my counter attack had not only jarred his energy blade from him it had also jarred my gun away from me. If I lived I was going to have to have that fixed.

I prepared for his charge. I started channeling as much energy as I could into my right arm. I was hoping a souped-up punch to the head could do him in, though I couldn’t be certain. The point was quickly moot. The human blob reached into his coat and pulled out a compact laser cannon.

I had to give him credit, the ‘man’ came prepared! He started stretching out the ultra high power compact cannon and calmly said, “Now you die.” Not very poetic, but it got its point across.

No way my body armor alone was going to stop this one. I quickly started channeling the electrolytes from my body to create an electronic shield. Once again I wasn’t sure if it would work.

I held my breath.

He fired!!

The force of the explosion when the energy of his weapon met the energy from my body knocked us both down. But, my makeshift shield worked!! Unfortunately, I took the brunt of the explosion. I was alive, but as far as Man Mountain was concerned my breathing was only a temporary condition easily rectified.

He got up, shook a few cobwebs off, then calmly picked up the energy cannon. “Are you done?” he questioned.

“Fraid so,” I said. I had already pushed my body way farther than it was meant to be pushed. I was on empty. Enhanced or not, I had nothing left to charge up. That’s why I always liked to use my brain to avoid having to use my brawn. I had gotten caught way off guard and was about to pay the ultimate price. “Good,” he said as he aimed the energy cannon at me. “Now you die.” “Just lovely,” I thought. “Those are the last words I’ll ever hear ‘Now you die’ muttered from a pro wrestling reject.”

Instead, they turned out to be the last words my large friend ever muttered as I watched him get incinerated before my eyes. It was a very ugly sight. Yet there are times when ugly is good and this was one of those times. I looked up to see three police hover craft directly above us. I was glad the police had decided to shoot first and ask questions after.

“Busy night, Zach?” The familiar voice of police captain Rickey murmured over the voice amplifier.

“No more than normal,” I replied. I was alive. I just hoped I wasn’t going to live to regret it.

Chapter 4: Questions? Questions? Questions!

Police headquarters was a pleasant enough place. Especially if you liked that cold square sterile ultra-modern box in a box look. Since the abolishment of the military in 2020-something, the police force became a primary benefactor of tax receipts. They had spent the money well on redecorating their headquarters and in purchasing all the latest equipment.

Captain Rickey was not in a pleasant mood. He was a sensitive sort who took unkindly to people shooting up other people in his province. His wiry body complete and youthful face with his light wispy semi-combed hair gave him a boyish appearance. The casual observer could easily peg him as a college student. Only the worry marks etched under his eyes gave any hint that he was a man who was older than he appeared and with a real job. A real job that was a real pain. And at the moment, I wasn’t helping him ease that pain.

“Look ,” I said, trying to sound very uninvolved in this whole matter. “Last I knew, getting attacked by mutants wasn’t a crime.”

“You’re right, Zach,” he shot back angrily. “What I want to know is why were they after you?”

“I don’t know, Tony.” I hunched my shoulders, then suggested, “Maybe they were from the fashion police and thought my shoes and jacket didn’t properly match?” “Ha ha. Very funny. If we weren’t old friends, I’d run you in.”

“For what?” I questioned. “Bleeding in public??”

“I could get you for littering. You made quite a mess out of the first two.” “Yeah, I suppose so.” I smiled. I wanted to giggle, but giggling is bad for a private eye’s image. “Still, they weren’t in much better condition before I defended myself. They’ll live, I assume.”

Tony frowned, “Yeah, they’ll live, but they can’t walk and they won’t talk. Or can’t talk.”

“Hey,” I held my hands out, “that’s not my fault; I shot ‘em below the belt.” Tony shook his head, “It’s not from anything you did. They have some kind of mental block psychically inserted into their heads. They don’t have any idea who hired them. Not even mental scanning can find anything.”

“Gee, and I thought they were just naturally dumb.”

“This isn’t funny, Zach. Their bionic parts were also class A1 and Lord knows what that ‘man’ my men terminated was. All I know is that it takes some pretty heavy financing to put together a group like that.”

“Can I go now?” I asked, half rhetorically, as I stood up. “You’re not going to help me out here?”

“Listen Tony, if I could I would.” I put my hand over my heart to show how sincere I was. “Scouts’ honor, guy, I have no idea why those goons were after me.” In a way I wasn’t lying.

“You weren’t a Scout, Zach,” Tony reminded me.

“I know,” I said, heading for the exit. “I was going to join once. Then I found out it was a lousy way to meet girls.”

“Well, be careful, old friend,” Tony said as he uncharacteristically held out his hand.

“Aren’t I always?” I answered shaking his hand.

I left. I felt a tad guilty for not telling an old friend the total truth. But hey, who’s to say what’s really true anyway?

Chapter 5: Home Sweet Home

One thing was true: Electra was mad!! The moment after I punched in my door security code and walked into my house I was greeted by a vase being thrown at me at near warp speed. I barely managed to dodge it. Looking around I noticed that many tables and chairs had been smashed. This was not shaping up to be one of my five-star days.

“What’s this I hear about you and that WHOREONATHOMPSON!” She screamed, dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair all blazing in a full blown Latino rage as she looked for something else to throw.

I held my arms out in the universal ‘stop, please wait’ position.

It didn’t work. She threw another vase at me. The woman had a damn good arm. Also deadly legs. She was Central-American kick boxing champion, I always made it a point to stay a good distance away when she got like this.

“I saw on the HoloVision that you and her are an item now!”

Boy, Ona works fast, I thought. I was lucky Tony didn’t watch HV or he might have put two and two together and kept me longer for questioning. Still, with the mood Electra was in, police protection probably wouldn’t have been such a bad idea.

“Honey,” I said, still holding out my arms in that universal stop position, still to no avail as I ducked a flying dish. “It’s only a job!! A good paying job!!”

She stopped for a moment. “Habla chico.”

“Put the dish down first.”

CRASH.

“Okay.” I waited for my breathing to return to near normal, then continued. “She’s hired me to do some under cover…” Uh oh, bad choice of words — she’s going for another dish. “No no,” YIKES DUCK! SMASH!

“Let me rephrase that.”

“Muy bien.”

“I’m pretending to be her new boyfriend.” I had to choose my words very carefully there (I had considered using the word lover but luckily my wiser side prevailed.) “So I can infiltrate her operations and find out who’s trying to rip her off.” Okay, once again not the total truth, but a pretty darn good approximation of the truth. “Trust me honey. There’s nothing between Ona Thompson and me. It’s all business. When the job’s over we’re over.”

“Fine,” she said, storming to the door. “You better make sure that the only thing you infiltrate is her operations! Call me when it’s over!”

SLAM!!

I looked around my house that had been hit by hurricane Electra, and thought that turned out better than I’d expected.

I went into my bedroom wondering if 10,000 credits a day was worth all this. Before I grabbed some shut eye I thought it might be wise to see if my high-tech friend Dr. Randy Pool had any neat new toys for me to test.

“Video phone down,” I requested. The phone’s screen obediently came down before me and asked, “Number please?”

“Randy Pool.”

Within a minute Randy’s familiar pale skin, freckled face and red hair appeared on the screen. At first he didn’t seem to notice that he had a video call. Then he looked up. Finally he noticed me. “Oh, hi Zach,” he said. He continued to work on whatever he was working on. “I heard about you and Ona Thompson on HV. I’m surprised Electra hasn’t killed you yet.”

“She knows it’s only a job,” I retorted boldly.

Randy looked at the devastation in my house. “She took it well, I see.” “Electra gets a little emotional at times. Once the job’s over and I collect the big pay day she’ll be fine.” I stopped for a moment, hoping what I said was true. Then I continued, “Ona Thompson is the reason I’m calling, though. Do you have any new gizmos you want me to field test for you?”

“First of all, you really should practice more with your enhancers. The more you use them the more you’ll be able to do with them,” he lectured.

“Ah, come on, Randy, you know I prefer to field test my equipment under actual working conditions. You’ll be happy to know they passed with flying colors today. I’m ready for new toys now!”

Randy paused for a moment, like he knew he had something for me, but couldn’t quite remember what. Mad scientists are always forgetful. Then it hit him. “Oh, I am working on a new project.” He starting tinkering some more.

“Ah Randy,” I interrupted. Randy tended to be even more forgetful than your average mad scientist, especially when working on a new project.

“Ah, yes,” his face lit up. I could almost see a fluorescent device on top of his head go on. “It’s for use against beings who are particularly resistant to piercing or standard energy weapons.” He showed me a strange looking rod. “It fires a beam of energy that completely ignores non-organic material.” He paused there and continued tinkering.

I was pretty certain that Randy had left something out here. “Ah, there’s more, I take it?” After all, I didn’t think even the government would be silly enough to spend valuable grant credits on a device whose only purpose was to create a beam of energy that ignored inorganic matter.

That imaginary fluorescent device on top of Randy’s head popped on again. “Oh yes!” He stopped tinkering for a moment, then continued, “It also causes the cells of the first organic object it comes in contact with to age to their maximum age plus 1. It’s quite effective. I think.”

“You think?” I didn’t like the sound of this.

“Well,” Randy’s attention span was surprisingly long, “I haven’t been able to test it. Only computer simulate it. You know how picky the ASPCA gets if you test these things on animals. Plus, now that they have this new Clone Protection Act I can’t even test it on clones. And it’s always been pretty darn near impossible to get live actual humans to volunteer for these sorts of things. No matter how much money you offer.”

He paused to catch his breath, then continued, “It does work pretty well in the simulation. Watch.” He pushed a button. My video phone screen blanked and Randy was replaced by a nice park scene. It was a nice day. The sun was shining and people were generally relaxing and having a good time. I knew this was about to change. It did. A huge man/ape thing shattered the tranquillity of the day. The beast lumbered through the crowd, randomly dismembering people unfortunate enough to get in its way. It was all quite vivid. Randy liked realism in his simulations. That way after he was done with them he could sell them to HV production companies as Saturday morning entertainment for the kids.

I returned my attention to the screen. The police had arrived and encircled the creature. They fired at it with a nasty assortment of weapons ranging from explosive missiles to high-powered energy weapons. Nothing phased the creature. It uprooted a nearby tree which it then proceeded to use as a bat as it started to play Police ball. After a few decapitations the police retreated. The creature then lumbered towards a young screaming mother and her baby. Boy, this could be ugly, I thought.

The screen changed to show a figure swinging through the middle of the brawl on a vine. A close-up revealed that the figure was me. Randy’s voice chipped in, “Your agent convinced me to use you here. He said it would help both our careers.” I thought for a second, how am I swinging on vines in the middle of the city? Oh well, they never questioned when Spiderman did it. I jumped off my vine and landed right between the creature and the screaming mother. The words: COMPUTER SIMULATION DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME flashed across the screen. I raised the rod and fired. The blast hit the creature dead on. The creature paused for a moment. It looked confused, then disintegrated into a pile of dust. The tree the creature was holding (also being organic) also disintegrated. The real me made a mental note of that interesting side effect for future reference. The simulated me was busy being thanked by the well built, scantily clad young mother. Sometimes I worried about Randy. The mother held her baby up to me and I kissed it. “Your agent insisted I toss that in also,” Randy offered.

Hmm, I thought. I hope my agent doesn’t have political aspirations for me. “What do you think?” Randy said. I snapped out of my little daze. “Ah, very nice,” I replied.

“You noticed the one side effect, I assume?” He continued before I had a chance to answer. “The beam creates a sort of serial energy link, any organic matter making direct contact with the primary organic matter target the beam makes contact with also suffers the results. In this case the tree and the grass directly under the target was also affected.”

“Any other limitations?” I asked, not really wanting to know.

“I can only make it work once,” Randy said flatly. “It takes a lot of energy to age living cells so quickly. It’ll be a while before I come up with a multiple firing one.”

“Just lovely,” I thought. “When will the prototype be ready?”

“In a couple of days, I hope. You want me to bring it by when it’s ready?” “Sure,” I said. “It can’t hurt to have a backup weapon. Though I hope the opportunity to use it never presents itself.” Randy had already tuned me out as he had gone back to his tinkering. I decided it was time to hit the sack. I said good night to Randy, though I doubt he heard me. I went into my bedroom. I was going to need my sleep.

Before I dozed off, I watched some old MASH and Cheers reruns. Despite some people’s demented (in my opinion) efforts to convert all the old classics to 3D I still preferred to watch them in good old 2D. That’s the way their creators meant them to be viewed. I fell asleep debating in my mind the relatively silly argument of 2D vs. 3D.

Chapter 6: Rude Awakening

I was awakened entirely too early by the voice of my video phone saying: “Incoming call.”

“Time?” I shouted angrily to my clock, as if it was its fault that someone had the indecency to wake me up.

“5:30,” My clock chipperly responded, not seeming to take offense to my rude tone.

“Damn,” I thought. It’s never good news at 5:30. Nobody ever calls to tell you that you’ve won the lottery at 5:30. “Phone down!” I groaned.

I was greeted by Ona’s smiling face. It should be illegal to look that good that early in the morning. “I’m leaving New LA now, I should be there in 10 minutes. Okay?” She half-questioned half-demanded, like she was so good at.

New LA to New San Francisco is 10 minutes. Damn, the lady must fly fast. “I need more time to get ready. You know, a case like this takes lots of mental preparation,” I moaned.

“Okay. I’ll be there in 15 minutes,” she said.

“You’re all heart,” I responded, but she probably didn’t hear it as her image had already faded from the screen. I tried to force myself out of bed. I failed. I started thinking some really bad things about Ms. Ona Thompson. I really didn’t appreciate this; but after all she was paying me good money for my day. I guess she wanted to get the most out of it. My rational side could hardly blame her. My irrational side wanted me to toss her around a little when she got here. My rational side quickly reminded my irrational side that this probably wouldn’t be such a hot idea since it would not only be impolite but the woman could also kick my butt. With those words of wisdom from my rational side I rose from my bed and dragged myself into the bathroom.

I needed a shower but I didn’t have time for a water shower. So I took a quick light shower. Light at the right intensity can clean almost as well as water but it’s nowhere near as refreshing! Unfortunately, in the time I had to prepare I was looking for functionality, not comfort. You could take a complete light shower in under a minute.

After my shower I looked at my mug in the mirror. I needed a shave. I activated my laser shaver and burnt off the night’s growth. I felt my face. It was nice and smooth, I was sure Ona would approve.

I left the bathroom and heard a rustling in my bedroom. It was times like this I was glad I always showered with my gun. I jumped into my bedroom, melodramatically yelling “Freeze sucker.”

Instead of my adversary freezing, I was frozen by what greeted me. It was Ona. She was making herself quite comfortable on my bed. She had arrived even quicker than I had anticipated; she must have called from her hover craft phone. She was wearing super short shorts and an old fashioned halter top; both pieces of apparel were having a hard time holding Ona’s ample parts in place. She simply smiled, obviously pleased by my surprise.

She stretched out

. My heart skipped a beat.

“Nice bed,” she said, as she fluffed a pillow.

“I understand you’re an expert on the subject,” I replied trying to keep my composure. Two things occurred to me. One, I was stark naked. Two, and more importantly, I wasn’t wearing my enhancer bands. Without them I would be fairly helpless if Ona decided to blast me with pheremones. Not wanting to be turned into a mental slave I decided vanity be damned, the first order of business was to put on my enhancers. They weren’t on my night stand where I usually left them. I shot a glance around the room purposely avoiding Ona. My enhancers were nowhere to be found! “Are these what you’re looking for?” Ona questioned as she held out my enhancers so I could see them.

This could be big trouble, I thought. I tried not to show my fear. A good detective never shows fear, especially in the presence of a beautiful lady.

“You need these, don’t you?” She playfully questioned.

Now I knew why HARV always beat me at poker. Still trying to maintain my composure I decided to go on the offensive. “How’d you get in here?” I half demanded. “My security defense system is state of the art!”

She smiled, then said, “Electronic defensive systems are easy to bypass when you’re super humanly intelligent.”

Modesty certainly wasn’t one of her flaws. “What about my guard bot?” I asked, even though I could pretty well guess the answer…

She smiled again. “When you’re through working for me I’ll purchase a couple of new one for you. The warranty must have expired on the one you had. It smashed awful easy.” She giggled. “Sometimes I forget my own strength.” She giggled some more. “Why don’t you come over and sit by me?” She questioned as she patted the bed a few times. “We should get to know each other a little better before we go to my mansion.”

“I don’t think so,” I said as I started to dress. “I have a job to do and I don’t like to mix business with pleasure.” I didn’t mention the fact that I have a wildly jealous girlfriend who happened to be an expert marksperson.

I completed dressing as I watched Ona play with my enhancers.

She looked at them carefully, then mischievously said, “Since you don’t have these cute little things, I’m sure I’d have no trouble getting you to come over here to me.” She patted the bed and smiled.

I tried to suppress a gulp. I knew all too well that she was right. Without my enhancers she could make me succumb to her every whim and desire. I was helpless. The next move was up to her. I watched her, carefully using my trained detective’s eye to determine how she might try to seduce me. Then it happened.

“Come, let’s get going,” she said as she tossed me my enhancers. “I’m paying good credits for your time, you know.”

I slipped my enhancers on and motioned her towards the door. I breathed a sigh of either relief or frustration. I’m not sure which.

Chapter 7: Travelin’

Ona noticed the look of apprehension on my face as we entered her hover craft. “What’s wrong, Zachary?” she questioned. “Ah nothing,” I said kind of uneasily. “It’s just a tad early in the morning for me. You know how we private detectives like to party and sleep late.”

“Yes, I should have guessed that,” she said as she pressed the powerup button. The engine fired up and the craft jettisoned 100 ft into the air. “WOW!!” she yelled. “I love instant take up!!”

She noticed that I was gripping my seat fairly hard. “You okay?” she asked, perhaps showing a wee bit of genuine concern.

I nodded my head slowly and said, “Ah sure. The sudden takeoff just took me by surprise. I’m more accustomed to old fashioned ground based modes of transportation. That’s all.”

“Oh, that’s right. I’ve heard you like to roam around in those old smelly whatchamacallits.” She smiled.

“They’re called cars. And they are not silly at all! As a matter of fact, now that 90 percent of the population uses hover crafts, cars are a far more effective way of traveling from place to place!” I stated very defiantly.

“Especially if you’re scared of heights.” She smiled again. It was one of those “ha ha I know something about you you don’t want me to know” smiles. Then she continued, “I thought private detectives where supposed to be fearless?”

“Only according to my agent,” I answered. “He plays me up as this ‘go where angels fear to tread’ type of guy. But I actually do have one or two tiny fears. I feel that they not only make me more human, they also make me more endearing.”

She laughed. “Not exactly a Mike Screwdriver, now are you?”

“I believe you mean Hammer,” I corrected.

“Really?” She questioned with a surprised look on her face. “From what I remember of his actions I could have sworn the word screw should be somewhere in his name.”

“Not to change the subject,” I ventured, “but I think we may have problems. Are you or your sisters at all clairvoyant?”

“Not really, Zach. Why do you ask? Are you looking to win the lottery?” “I wish it was so simple. A couple of guys tried to knock me off only a couple of hours after you hired me. I can’t figure out how they knew you hired me!” I replied.

“Oh that’s easy,” she snickered. “I hired them.”

“What?” I couldn’t believe what I had just heard. “I thought you private detectives were supposed to have perfect hearing?” She questioned rhetorically. “Why did you hire 3 guys to try to knock me off?” I was trying to keep my temper down but I wasn’t succeeding.

Ona was quite definitive with her answer, “When I spend my money I like to make sure I’m getting a good value. Besides, I only hired 2 guys.”

Now it was obvious that I had a couple of things to worry about. Not only did I have a client who liked to test my merit by hiring people to try to kill me; but somebody else also seemed to know something that they really shouldn’t. I tried not to let either problem worry me as I said, “I might not be the brightest guy on Earth but I can count to three. And there were three ugly mugs there.”

“Well this is going to be interesting,” Ona said, showing little concern for my concern. “I’m certain I only hired two guys to test you. As far as I know none of my sisters has developed clairvoyance.” She paused for a second. “But then my sisters and I aren’t exactly what you’d call close. Maybe one of them did develop her psychic powers?!” She paused again then went on, “but I doubt any of my sisters could have developed past me. After all I am the oldest, smartest and best.”

Modesty was not one of Ona’s stronger traits. Still that was the least of my worries. Somebody was on to me before I had even started the case. This was a new record. I was worried. This was not going to be an easy job. I started to wonder if 10,000 credits a day was going to cover all the hidden costs.

Chapter 8: Home Alone?

We arrived at the outer limits of Ona’s mansion in 13 minutes. From New Frisco to New LA in 13 minutes. Ona claimed she drove extra slow cause she knew I was uncomfortable.

To say Ona’s mansion was huge would be a vast understatement. We were able to see it kilometers before we were even near her property line. And that was saying something as the grounds covered more area than all 10 of the Disney theme parks combined. Ona was not one to hide her wealth.

As we drew closer the mansion grew larger.

“Do you like my humble abode?” she questioned.

“How many time zones does it cover?” I asked. Ona laughed. “Is that your subtle way of telling me my home is big?”

I simply nodded, then asked, “How do you ever keep the place secure?” “Always thinking of business, aren’t you, Zach?”

“That’s why I’m the best,” I acknowledged. (I left out the fact that I was the only.)

“There’s an invisible force field on the ground. It automatically keeps out all unauthorized personnel. It even emits a high-energy pattern that deactivates hover craft unless they are specially equipped. It was one of daddy’s inventions. Once an unauthorized craft is deactivated, high level, heavy duty security bots do the rest. It’s all very simple yet very effective,” Ona said contentedly. Once again I just shook my head in agreement. I was too astonished to talk. As Ona maneuvered into a landing position I could make out gardenbots carefully pruning and attending to the wide variety of foliage around the grounds. There were apple trees, orange trees, grapefruit trees, cherry trees and grape vines all within a few meters of each other.

Ona must have noticed my astonishment at this. “I like a variety of fresh fruits every day,” she said. “I also like to experiment with plant breeding and genetics. I have an orange apple mix that’s simply out of this world.” Once again I simply nodded, only half listening to Ona. The mansion was now totally dominating my senses and my thoughts. It was easily twice as big any hotel I had ever seen. It was two hundred and fifty stories of shining crystal.

“Do you like it?” Ona asked while she made her final preparations for landing. “It’s amazing. The pictures I’ve seen don’t do it justice. Why the pyramid shape?” I questioned.

“The ancient Egyptians believed pyramids could channel energy to their inhabitants. Who am I to question them?” She said as she brought the hover craft gently down.

Who was I to argue with a person who wouldn’t argue with an ancient long-gone people? Even if the triangular shape didn’t really channel energy it certainly looked neat.

Ona jumped out of the hover craft, held out her hand to me and said, “Come on. I’ll show you to our rooms.”

As we approached Ona’s humble abode I noticed the outside surface was totally reflective. I couldn’t decide if I liked that or not. I stopped right before we entered. I looked at my reflections in the walls. “This place is a narcissist’s delight,” I offered. “I assume you can see through these things from the inside.”

“Oh yes,” Ona said. “They are quite functional. They give you a great, totally unobstructed view of what’s outside while not letting what’s outside see what’s behind them. They are also virtually indestructible. Supposedly they can even withstand a nuclear blast.”

“Oh really?”

“That’s what the salesmen told me. Of course I’ve never tested them. I figure the neighbors wouldn’t appreciate me exploding even a small nuclear device, with the noise and fallout and stuff.”

“Probably a good assumption,” I agreed.

Those were the last words I spoke for a few minutes as I was dumbfounded when we set foot in the main hallway. It was a wide open area that was easily big enough to stage two complete baseball games in. It was an effort to keep my mouth from dropping open. A couple of Maidbots greeted us.

“Which area do you wish to stay in, madam?” one of them questioned.

“The top floor, of course,” Ona answered. “Very good choice madam. Do you wish transportation to the lift?” The other bot asked.

“I think we’ll walk,” Ona replied. At that the two bots flew off.

The walk to the lift took almost as long as it did to fly from Frisco to here. I was totally amazed by what I saw: flowers galore, fully functional water falls, seats that looked like rocks and mushrooms, walls that had animated computer-generated images wandering across them, birds of all species — living, holograms and mechanical. It was an amazing mix of back-to-nature and high-high-tech all rolled into one.

When we reached the lift the doors automatically opened. We walked in and an electronic voice asked, “Top floor, madam?”

“Of course,” Ona replied very matter of factly.

Within a couple of seconds we reached the penthouse.

“Wow, fast lift…”, was all I my highly trained mind could think of to say. “Next time, we could go up slower if you like. I like to do some things slow,” Ona said. “I just thought with your fear of heights and all, fast would be better.” “Thanks for thinking of me.” I still wasn’t certain if she actually cared a little about me or if she just liked playing with my mind.

One thing was certain though, Ona’s penthouse was big and luxurious! It was loaded! An actual river complete with jumping fish traversed the room, a moving sky roof covered the room, and an artificial rainbow gave the room an interesting kind of glow. “Come on, I’ll show you to our bedroom.” She stressed the words “our” and “bed”. We entered the room to find a bed at least 5 meters by 5 meters suspended by anti-gravity devices about 2 meters off the ground.

“I like my bed elevated,” Ona said. “It makes sleep better,” she maintained. She hopped up on the bed and motioned to me to join her. I did with some difficulty. Trying to forget the fact that I was on a bed with a beautiful super woman, I forced out a couple of very business-like questions.

“So you live here with Twa and Threa?” I asked.

“Yes,” was her only reply.

“It’s very nice of you to let them live here.”

“Yes,” was still her only reply.

“Especially since you think one or both of them tried to kill you.”

“Well, ” she hesitated for a moment, “it is easy to keep an eye or two on them this way. Besides, they are family.”

“Do you see your sister Fora much?”

“No,” she said, now back to one word replies. Only now she was slowly massaging my neck. Her touch was stronger than anything I had ever felt, yet somehow also more gentle.

“Can you elaborate?” I questioned, trying to ignore how good the massage felt.

“Fora doesn’t want anything to do with us. We’re all evil material bitches. She doesn’t even phone on Sister’s Day. She’s always been a strange one.”

“You don’t think she’d try to rub you out?” I was full of questions.

Ona laughed. “No, she’d gain nothing at all by my death. Besides, she’s too busy being righteous to worry about me.”

“Okay,” I continued, though every nerve in my body was dancing and singing. “Who else lives in the mansion?”

“Organic sentient beings?” She asked, as she stopped rubbing my neck. “I doubt any of your bots or androids would try to kill you. At least not without some reprogramming by somebody who’s carbon-based.” I loved talking like old old Sci Fi flicks.

“Well, there’s Geebs.”

“Geebs?” I grinned. “Don’t tell me he’s a butler.”

“He was daddy’s butler,” she said. “He’s been with the family a long long time. He doesn’t do much butler stuff anymore; I won’t let him. He’s way old. Maybe 60. I insist on his living here with us. Besides, he was like a father to us. We saw much more of Geebs growing up than we did Daddy.”

“Hmm,” I said out loud but to myself. “The butler. Now this is the stuff mysteries are made of.”

“The butler, Zach? I expect better or at least something more original out of you at 10,000 credits a day!”

“Just exploring all possibilities. Trust me, I’m a professional,” I reassured her using my most dignified voice. I cleared my throat, then asked, “Anybody else to consider?”

“Only Opee,” she said flatly.

“Opee?” I was trying with all my professional might not to laugh. “Who the heck is Opee? No, don’t tell me, he’s a little red-haired orphan boy you adopted who says: ‘Oh gee wiz’ a lot.” Okay, I got a little unprofessional there. Even the best slip up once in awhile.

Ona shook her head. “Not quite. Opee is our pet from childhood. He’s a gorilla.”

“A gorilla?” This was getting weirder by the nanosecond.

“Yes, a gorilla. He’s highly intelligent and sensitive. He couldn’t hurt a flea, no less try to kill me. Though if he heard your description of him I think he might take exception.”

“Miss Ona,” an alarm voice interrupted. “You have a meeting with the board of directors in 1 hour and then you have a fashion showing in New York at 15 hundred hours.”

“Thanks, computer,” Ona replied. “Send a massagebot in. I’d like a foot massage before my meeting. It’ll help relax me before my board of directors puts me to sleep.”

“Cancel the massagebot, computer,” I said. “I can handle that one.” I pulled one of Ona’s legs across my knees. “I happen to be an expert on foot massages,” I said as I started to loosen her very expensive sneaker.

“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” She asked, putting her hand over her shoe, preventing me from taking it off.

“Of course. When I say I’m an expert, I’m an expert.”

“I’m not questioning your ability, Zach. I’m questioning the wisdom of removing my sneaker from my sockless foot with your nose being in such close proximity. Having superhuman strength does have a few tiny drawbacks, such as a super human foot odor problem. Going sockless while being quite the fashion statement also tends to amplify the situation.”

“You’re joking of course,” I said as I removed her blocking hand.

“A LOT of people wish I was. My sisters and I use to have fun knocking out the help at shoes stores when we were teens.”

I ignored her and continued with the task at hand. She put her hand gently on my shoulder. “Believe me Zach honey. This is for your own good.” she said, as she pinched my shoulder.

I tried to move, only I couldn’t. Suddenly it occurred to me that the pinch on the shoulder was some sort of nerve pinch. Unfortunately, it occurred to me roughly a nanosecond before I passed out cold.

Chapter 9: More Questions

I came to shortly after I heard the computer alarm say, “Mr. Johnson, it is 1515, don’t you think it’s time to get up?”

I rubbed the grogginess out of my eyes and sat up with great difficulty. “There’s a message for you from Ms. Ona,” the computer informed me in an ever-so-cherry voice.

“What is it?” I asked, as I attempted to stand up.

A hologram of Ona appeared before me, “Sorry about that lover boy. But it was for your own good. I don’t want you dying before you solve my case. Hope you had a nice little nap,” it laughed, then disappeared.

“Boy, she sure has a way about her,” I muttered to myself.

“Yes, she certainly does,” the computer happily replied.

“I was talking to myself, computer,” there was some anger in my voice. “Sorry, I’ll be turning myself off now.”

“Thank you, I feel that’s a wise decision on your part.”

I got up and quickly noticed I was naked again.

“Computer?” No answer.

“Computer?” Still no answer.

“Computer?” Finally I got a reply. “I have turned myself off now. Remember?”

“Yes I do. Please turn yourself back on.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes, I’m certain.”

“You won’t get touchy with me again will, you?” The computer questioned in a voice reminiscent of a small child.

“No, I won’t.”

“Promise?”

“Yes I promise.” I had never dealt with such a sensitive piece of machinery before. I was hoping I would never have to again. This was probably one of doctor Thompson’s least successful experiments.

“You sound mad?”

“I AM NOT MAD!” I shouted very angrily.

“Phew. I would hate to make you mad. I mean, we computers’ sole function is to make life easier for humans. How may I assist you?”

“Where are my clothes?” I asked, starting to calm down.

“I don’t know,” was the computer’s simple reply.

“WHAT?” I shouted again.

“I’ll just turn myself off again, sir, since you seem to be in an especially horrid mood.”

“No, do not turn yourself off, computer.” Despite my best efforts my voice was growing louder with each passing syllable.

“Too late.”

I started to look around the room and mumbled, “I just want to know where the hell my clothes are?”

Then, at a speed almost too quick to comprehend, the computer blurted out, “Miss Ona Didn’t Like Your Attire. You will find an entire new wardrobe in closet 6. I am now turning myself off.”

I muttered a little thanks to the computer under my breath. I really didn’t want to get into another in-depth conversation with it. I looked around trying to figure out which wall might hold closet 6. Playing a simple hunch I said, “Closet 6, open.” A wall on the north side disappeared, revealing a closet big enough for four complete sets of my old wardrobe. Only this closet was filled to the brim with my new Ona-supplied wardrobe. I started rummaging through the mass of clothing: suits, tuxes, sport jackets, jeans, dress paints, space suits, shirts of all types including T-shirts of my favorite teams. My, the woman was good!

“What to wear? What to wear?” I mumbled once again under my breath. “Since Miss Twa and Threa are at swimming pool 1B, may I suggest swim attire?” The computer twanged in.

“Thanks,” I replied, as I looked through my wide variety of choices.

“Don’t mention it. We computers aim to serve. Follow the blue flashing arrows on the walls when you leave here. They will lead you to swimming pool 1B,” were the last words I heard the computer mutter before a slipped on a modest pair of swimming shorts, and a Mets T-Shirt, and headed towards the pool.

Thanks to the computer guide arrows I found Twa and Threa easily. (I was starting to think that maybe it wasn’t such a bad computer after all.) Both sisters were identical to Ona except of course for Twa’s red flaming hair and Threa’s blond locks. Both sisters were wearing rubber bands that were doubling as bathing suits. Threa was casually sunning herself while reading War and Peace II. Twa was fighting with three practice androids.

I recognized the androids. They were type the NFL replaced people with. Basically they were extra large and bulky versions of your standard androids: humanoid in shape and general appearance only made from sort of plastic-like metal that gives them the look and charisma of a slightly animated store mannequins. Twa spotted me first. “Well well, what do we have here? Our sister’s latest find?” she said as lunged forward with a right cross that turned the first android into a headless pile of expensive junk.

A second android punched at Twa. The blow landed squarely on her jaw, packing enough force to stun a rhino. Twa just smiled. She grabbed the offending android arm and ripped it off. The android, being an android and not particularly bright, swung its one remaining arm at her. This tactic proved even less successful than the previous one. Twa caught the android’s flailing arm in mid-motion. I swore the android looked surprised by this.

“My my, our big sister going out with a certified legend,” Twa said as she snapped off the android’s one good arm much like a child would snap off the arm of a doll. Now the poor armless android just stood there motionless. It’s programming obviously didn’t cover what to do if a superhuman woman ripped its arms off. Any logical living being would have run. The android, being programmed by the same folks who bring us the NFL, made a desperate charge. Twa put it into a bear hug and happily squeezed the “life” out of it.

The third and final android attacked Twa from behind. This, I figured, was probably the wisest way to attack Twa, (if there actually was a wise way to attack Twa.)

Before the android got within striking distance, Twa spun and delivered a spinning kick to it’s mid-section shattering him into a shower of silicon or whatever they make androids out of these days, proving once and for all that there was no wise way to attack Twa.

She then turned her complete attention to me and smiled. “I hear you’re a pretty fair fighter,” she taunted.

“I’m okay,” I replied, somewhat out of modesty, more out of fear.

“They say you’re a black belt in all major forms of the martial arts.”

“Well, that’s just PR by my agent. Actually I’m only a brown belt in one or two forms. I’m not dedicated enough for black. But, I can take care of myself in a jam.”

“Good,” she said walking towards me. I swear her eyes were turning as red as her hair as she talked to me. “I love a good fight. These machines are no contest. So predictable.”

“Let’s see what you have got, Mr. Johnson,” she said, taking a fighting stance. “I’d like to fight you, Twa. Really, I would. But we private dicks have a rule that we never fight women.”

“Leave the poor guy alone Twa. ” Threa chimed, in much to my delight . “He’s only a normal human,” she continued. “You’d probably kill him way too fast for it to be any fun. Plus, you know how you hate getting blood all over yourself.” I wasn’t sure if Threa was trying to help, but she wasn’t. Her words only seemed to be aggravating Twa.

Twa was now arms-distance away and replied to her sister, “Don’t worry I won’t kill him too bad,” as she gave me a little push on the shoulder.

I was now deep in a moral dilemma. I really don’t like fighting women. It’s a complete no-win situation. If you win, people get mad at you for fighting a woman. If you lose, people make fun of you for fighting a woman. But this lady was getting right in my face. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like it when anybody got in my face like that. I also didn’t like the fact that she could also fairly easily beat the pulp out of me. Nevertheless, I had to chance it. I started channeling energy to my left hand.

“Now Twa dear, I don’t want to fight you; after all you are a frail woman.” I turned and started to walk away, hoping she’d let down her guard.

She turned to Threa and said, “Boy, does Ona know how to pick em or..” I cut her short. I spun around and landed a solid blow right to her mouth. I experienced only slightly more success than the androids. I managed to send her reeling back perhaps maybe half a step.

She looked at me and then grinned. “Well, what do you know? You’re not a total weenie after all. I like a man with guts.” She assumed her fighting stance again. “Let’s see what ya got.”

Every instinct told me to run. Unfortunately, in actuality I was no brighter than the NFLandroids. I threw a kick towards her knees. I know from experience that no matter how strong an opponent is, knees are still usually quite breakable. I was hoping Twa wouldn’t be an exception to this rule. I never found out. She swatted away my kick with ease and grace. It seemed Twa could defend against kicks as easily as she could punches.

Now it was her turn to go on the offensive. I caught a brief glimpse of an open hand shooting out for me. A glimpse was all I managed to catch, though. She grabbed me and pulled me crashing towards her. She rammed my body into hers. It felt like I was shot from a cannon into a brick wall that was only a meter away. I surprised myself by staying conscious.

She then pushed my head down between her thighs. Under different circumstances I might have found this to be enjoyable. She started to squeeze. I was certain that an atomic vice could not have a stronger grip.

“Twa, don’t kill him.”

Phew, I thought as my brain gasped for oxygen. Threa was on my side. “If you kill him,” she continued, “how will we ever get any information out of him? Besides that might make Ona kind of mad. You know how sensitive she is about these sorts of things.”

“Don’t worry little sister,” Twa assured her. “I’m not going to kill him. I’m only going to cut off the blood supply to his little brain. Put him to sleep for a few hours.”

“Oh, okay.” I assume Threa then continued to read.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. I was starting to see stars, which is never a good sign in mid-afternoon. I used my enhancers to get my adrenal glands really flowing. Then, I bit Twa right in her luscious thigh with every ounce of strength I had left in me . She screamed (more from surprise than pain) and released the pressure. I fell to the ground. My lungs and my brain were both searching desperately for air.

I looked up at Twa, who was now rubbing her wound. “Boy, I’m going to have quite a hickey tomorrow,” she told Threa.

“We both know it won’t be the first, and you’ve had them on stranger spots,” was Threa’s reply.

“True, how true,” Twa said as she approached me.

The last words I remember hearing were Threa saying, “Now remember Twa, you promised you wouldn’t kill him. Don’t get any blood on my book!”

Yes sir, this was turning out to be a really bad day.

Chapter 10: Cross Examination

I woke up in a room very much like a smaller version of Ona’s. I saw a blurry, shapely shape with blond hair coming towards me — Threa. “Sorry about my sister, Twa,” she said. “She leans a little on the rough side. Luckily she liked you. I doubt she broke anything.” I shook the cobwebs out of my head. Seemed like I had been doing that all day. “You girls really know how to make a guy feel welcome.”

“Twa wanted to check you out. Make sure you weren’t hired by Ona to try to kill us again. She gave you an opportunity to draw any weapon you might be carrying, but you didn’t even attempt to do anything. We were surprised to see that you weren’t carrying any weapons. Without using weapons you’re no threat to us.” She moved closer to me and put her hand on my shoulder. I felt my head spin. She was blasting me with pheremones. I starting scrambling the synapses in my brain, hoping that even in my weakened state I could resist her.

“So, Mr. Johnson, why are you here?” she questioned slowly.

The impulses from my brain ran down to my mouth shouting, “Tell the truth to this dear lady whom you’d die for!” Luckily, my mouth somehow interpreted this as, “Your sister is a beautiful woman whom I would do anything for. I love her. I want to be with her.”

Threa looked a little relieved. “That’s good to know. I would have hated to have to blank your mind out or make you think you were a plant or something.” The assault on my brain stopped. “Not half as much as I would,” I said. “May I go now?”

“Sure, now that we know you’re no threat to us.” She smiled.

“To tell the truth, hon,” I told her, “I’m not sure if I’d be a threat to you if I had a level 10A laser cannon.” I was hoping to convince her of my sincerity. Put her off guard a bit. Even though, to tell the Lord’s honest truth, I wasn’t sure I would want to face any of the Thompson Quads in mortal battle, even if I was in full battle armor in a M100 assault vehicle. Then, something Threa had said finally made the right connections in my brain. “By the way, what do you mean ‘try to kill us again’?” I stressed the word “again”.

“She tried killing Twa and I. I know you love her, Zach, but she’s dangerous.” The room finally stopped spinning. “Why do you think Ona would try to kill you?”

“It was yesterday. Twa and I both found arsenic in our drinks.”

“Arsenic?” I questioned.

“Yes, it’s a very old poison.”

“Yes, I know what it is. I’m a big fan of all the old mysteries.”

“Why would a killer use arsenic?” I thought. Besides maybe being a fan of nostalgia. I mean, there are so many better poisons these days. I decided to start wondering out loud. “Are you sure it was Ona who tried to do you in?”

“Who else? Everybody loves us except Ona. She’s too greedy to give us our fair share of our money. If we were to die, that would be the end of our lawsuits. Our lawyers are good, but to my knowledge they haven’t yet figured out a way to bring back dead clients.”

“Agreed. But, one: Ona knows that if something happened to you she’d be a prime suspect; and two: it would take a ton of arsenic to kill you and Twa.”

“Not this arsenic,” said Twa who was drying herself off after just coming out of the shower.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“This arsenic was engineered specially to attack our cells,” she stated coolly. “The only way such a thing could be designed is to have samples of our cells.” She paused to let my mind make another connection.

Which I did. “And Ona’s cells are identical to yours and Threa’s.” “Exactly,” said Threa.

I paused to speculate for a moment. “Okay, that answers the why arsenic question. It’s classical and in this case deadly. Only I still have a couple of other questions. Question one: why Ona? She’d be the prime suspect if you two were to mysteriously die, especially from a poison designed to attack especially your cells. And my new improved two: if someone has the knowledge to design such a poison, how come you two are still sucking in oxygen?”

“Maybe she under-estimated us?” ventured Threa.

“Maybe she just screwed up,” was Twa’s guess. “Hell, she’s not perfect; despite what she thinks.”

Or maybe she’s trying to scare them? I thought. Maybe Ona feels turn about is fair play? Or, of course, maybe it wasn’t Ona. Looks like I needed to have a little talk with Ona to make sure I was on the right side. Of course, that was going to be easier said than done — since I really had no idea where the right side was. I also figured it would be wise to check out Geebs and Opee. After all, if I spent much time around these ladies, I’d probably want to kill them myself.

I stood up to leave. “Well ladies, it’s been fun. Well have to do it again sometime. But I think your sister will be home anytime now. She’ll be wanting her man by her side.” For the first time I noticed that I was naked. These women obviously thought of me as their own private, anatomically correct “KEN” doll to undress and dress however they saw fit.

“May I have my clothes please, ladies?”

“Sure,” Twa said as she tossed me my T-shirt and shorts that she had been using as a makeshift towel. “You girls could at least have the common decency to turn around.” They both just smiled.

“Humility in the 21st century. How quaint and refreshing!” said Threa. “Hey, I’ve seen worse!” was sweet Twa’s response.

I hurriedly tossed my clothes on and headed towards the door. This whole mess, like most messes have this nasty tendency to do, was getting messier and expanding by the second. If I didn’t start cleaning some of it up soon, I was going to be suffocated under it.

Chapter 11: Check

I left Twa or Threa’s or whoever’s room I was in as quickly as my feet would carry me. Suddenly something occurred to me. Not only did I have no idea where this case was heading, I also had no idea where I was heading. The mansion was huge, and I didn’t have a clue where I was. I didn’t know how to get back to my room. I knew I had to find the lift and go up. But finding the lift was easier thought than done. All the walls in the place were constantly filled with seemingly random animated images running across them, the result being that no wall ever appeared to look the same twice.

“How I the heck do I find the lift?” I muttered to what I thought was myself. “Follow this hallway to the end, turn left, go 100 meters, turn right, go 150 meters, turn left, take 10 steps to the south, then enter the armory, the lift is at the end of the armory.”

“Can you repeat that ten or eleven times?” “I thought you were supposed to be good at this sort of things?” The computer asked. “Sorry, computer. I’m only human. This whole place confuses my mind to the point where everything is so different it looks the same.”

“Fine sir. I will lead you to the nearest lift. Just follow the white arrows along the floor.”

“Thanks, computer; but from now on mind your own business. Jeesh, I’ve heard of ‘big brother’ but this is ridiculous.”

“Of course it’s ridiculous. Brother implies that I am a male; being a computer I am neuter.”

“Computer, I warn you,” I said as I started following the arrows to the lift. “You keep bugging me and I’m going to find you and unplug you.”

“I have no plug to speak of. I have my own generator which has backup systems.”

“And I have a big gun that can fire missiles that explode.” I thought I should make my position perfectly clear to the computer.

“You won’t hear another beep out of me. Have a nice walk. Computer logging down.”

“Thank God for small wonders.”

My walk to the armory was fairly uneventful, which was a pleasant change. The door to the armory was open and I entered. It was a LONG LONG room, easily 300 meters. It was filled with weapons from all eras and many different planets. Lining both sides of the walls were medieval suits of armor. Somebody certainly was a collector. Probably Dr. Thompson himself; those brainy types love to fantasize about weapons. Must be phallic, I thought.

As a started my hike to the lift I heard a strange clanking behind me. I turned quickly, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. I could have sworn, though, that one of the pieces of armor was out of place. I continued walking. The clanking resumed. I stopped and shot around. Still nothing, but that one suit of armor didn’t seem right. This place was either really starting to get to me or somebody or something was following me in a suit of armor. I assumed for now it was the latter. I started walking forward, then when the noise resumed, instead of stopping I moved backwards as fast and as far I could. I realized that if this move didn’t work I was going to look very silly. Luckily, I ran smack into the mobile suit of armor.

“Ouch,” it replied, in a very official-sounding British accent.

Not wanting to give the armor time to react, I sent an elbow crashing backwards to what I assumed and hoped would be the head area. I hit my mark. The next sound I heard was the sound armor makes when it hits the ground. I figured now would be a good time to turn around.

I turned to see a suit of armor clamoring to get to its feet while at the same time reaching for its battle ax. I decided that this armor would be easier dealt with if it continued to stay on the ground. Before it could get up I kicked the arm it was using to support itself out from under it. It fell again. I kicked the ax out of harms way.

“Damn,” echoed a voice deep from the armor. “Not very sporting of you, old chap.”

“Neither is sneaking up on a chap from behind,” I suggested.

“True, very true. Still, I’m an old man. I needed some advantage. Twenty years ago I could have taken you fair and square.”

“No doubt,” I agreed. “But you would have looked awful silly beating up a 11-year-old kid. Especially in that armor.”

“True, once more,” he said as I lifted him up and sort of guided and sort of forced him to the wall.

“Let’s see who we have in here,” I said. I lifted the helmet off, I was pretty certain I already knew who my masked assailant was. Sure enough, I was right. Removing the helmet revealed an old, balding, fairly weathered, official-looking man. His nose was on the long side; which I assumed was better for sticking up in the air. “Geebs. I presume?”

“At your service, sir,” he bowed.

“So you had the computer set me up and send me this way?”

“Well, yes, I suppose so. It’s quite loyal to me. We play chess every Thursday.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because we both enjoy chess,” he replied ever so politely.

“Let me be more specific.”

“Certainly sir.”

“Why did you try to kill me?”

“I’m sorry sir, but I’ve done something terrible,” he said looking as if he were about to cry.

“Yes, I know. Trying to kill me is something terrible.”

“No, not that,” he said, shaking his head. “Miss Ona must suspect me but she still had no proof. That’s why she brought you here. Sooner or later you’d figure it out. So I had to eliminate you. I had so hoped to do it in person. Much more manly and honorable that way.” He paused to catch some O2 . “I am a man of honor, you know.”

“Yes, I’m sure you are,” I agreed. This guy had a real hard time coming to conclusions. “Let’s get to the point here, Geebs. I’m having a bad day.”

“Still, I’m also a practical man. What has to be done has to be done.” He paused for a moment, then shouted, “Armor 1 and Armor 2 activate and destroy intruder.”

Two of the suits of armor down the hall instantly sprang to life and started clanking their way towards me with their big ugly battle axes slicing up the air. “Just out of curiosity ,Geebs, what have you done that’s so bad that you’re willing to kill me to keep it secret?” I hurriedly asked.

“Well, since you’re going to be torn apart in a minute, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to tell you.” He paused.

“Well, come on Geebs, I don’t have much longer too live here!” I coaxed. “I’ve been stealing money from Miss Ona. She allocates ten thousand credits every week just for grocery shopping. She has no idea of how much things really cost. I mean, things are expensive, but not that expensive. I pocket the change by transferring the remainder to my personal account. I need the money. Social Security isn’t what it could be.” He sighed.

“You want to kill me because you’ve been stealing a few thousand credits from the richest person in the known universe? A woman who couldn’t spend all her money if she shopped constantly at McSax’s for the next millennium?”

“Afraid so, old chap. Only thing worse for a butler than being dishonest is being caught being dishonest. You just have to be eliminated. I am terribly sorry.” “Well, Geebs, old chap, I hate to ruin your rep and all, but I’ve grown kind of attached to my head being attached to the rest of my body.” I followed my words with action.

I moved my wrist in just that right way that makes my trusty gun pop into my hand. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that wearing a swimsuit and T-shirt left no comfortable (not to mention practical) place for me to conceal my gun without ruining the look of the outfit (not to mention without looking very suspicious). Being a slave to comfort and fashion I had decided not to bring my gun along with me. Luckily, I was still wearing my bracelets. They always look cool and were always very practical and functional.

I charged up a tad and then fired some amplified electric current from my body into the charging bots. They wavered, but staggered on. They were persistent little suckers.

I fired again, this time with slightly more power.

Armor-1 and 2 became pyrotechnic displays bursting out all over. Gravity finished the job I had started, pulling the two newly reclassified piles of scrap metal to the floor with a unceremonious clunk.

Geebs was impressed. “Bravo, young man! I so love a good show!” He was even clapping for me.

I had to give him credit; the guy was polite.

“Glad I could be of some entertainment value, Geebs. My agent would be pleased. Now are you ready to come along quietly?”

He shook his head. “Sorry, my good fellow. Units 3,4,5, and 6: activate, attack and increase speed.”

Four more dark black suits of battle-ax-wielding armor sprang to life to put me to death.

“Afraid not, again, old chap,” he said. “Try to make this show as entertaining as the last.”

I turned and faced my electronic foes. Four on one. These guys were coming faster than the previous two. Their axes were spinning much in the same way as saws did in the wood mills in the old movies from the days when they used trees to make paper. At the risk of disappointing Geebs, I decided that my most prudent course of action would be to turn tail and run.

So I did. Full speed towards the lift. I beat the death armor to the door by a considerable margin. The door didn’t pop open like I had been expecting. “Door open!” I yelled.

It did.

I entered.

“Penthouse fast!” I yelled.

“Sorry, Lift temporary out of order.” My trusty friend the computer responded.

“Out of order my ass!” I shouted.

Out of the corner of one of my eyes I noticed one of the suits was winding up much in the way a baseball pitcher would, especially if the pitcher was going to throw a giant battle ax. I hit the deck split seconds before a huge ax flew, over me splitting the air over my head and the wall behind me.

“That was close. Come on, computer!” I demanded. “I know you’re functional.”

The computer responded, “Maybe I am. I can’t have you sending away my chess partner.”

Another metal suit was winding up as the two still holding axes continued towards me. I had to do something fast. I fired a magnified bolt of my body’s electricity at the would-be Nolan Ryanbot. I hit him. It didn’t destroy him, but it did force him to drop the ax, giving me a little more time.

“Listen, computer, I’m sure Ona won’t send him away, she’ll only punish him a little.”

“Sorry, can’t take that chance.”

I had to think fast. “Listen, Computer. I play chess too.”

“You do??” “Yes computer, I could play with you every Monday and Thursday if you like.”

“Are you any good?” It questioned.

“Well, my computer beats me most of the time.”

“Great! I love to win.”

The lift doors closed just as two battle axes came crashing into them. I felt the lift shooting up. (I hoped it was up.)

The doors opened to reveal the penthouse. “Welcome to the penthouse and see you on Monday,” the computer chirped.

I staggered into the room and collapsed on to the floor.

Chapter 12: Another Day, Another Problem

I woke up and it felt like it was tomorrow. Not only that, but I was in Ona’s floating bed and of course I was stark naked. A blurred shape was sitting on the floor eating a pseudo-picnic breakfast.

The blurred shape spoke. “Morning babe.”

Yep, it was tomorrow and this blurred shape was Ona.

“Boy, you were out cold when I found you.” She munched on a strawberry, then continued, “Long day yesterday?”

I started to sit up. It was difficult but I made it. “I’ve had better. First you put me to sleep. Then your sister Twa beat the pulp out of me then put me to sleep. Then your sister Threa tried to brainwash me. Then, to top it all off your old butler tries to slice me up. After he fails he tries to have a couple of robots do his dirty work. To make matters worse I have to play chess with your computer on Monday and I’m a backgammon man.”

She seemed rather unfazed by all this. “Sounds like your day was much more fun than mine. My board of directors were way boring. So I put them all too sleep sort of like I did you. Then I went to my fashion show. All the models they used were so flat chested. None of those outfits would ever work for me. So, I put them all to sleep too,” She paused for a moment like she was actually thinking about what I said.

“So Twa tossed you around a bit?”

“Yep.”

“And Threa tried to make you talk?”

“Yep, but I resisted her. All those years of superior mental conditioning obviously paid off!” I said proudly.

“Yeah, right,” she said. “It also didn’t help that I planted a defense in your head after I put you to sleep yesterday.”

“Oh…yeah…right,” I stumbled over the words. “I’m sure that might have helped some too,” I admitted.

“So good old Geebs tried to kill you? I didn’t know he had it in him. Well, that explains the ax marks on lift 3.” She smiled. “So why did Geebs try to kill you? I hope you didn’t hurt him, you big bully.”

“He’s been siphoning credits from your shopping fund. He didn’t want me to find out and tell you. And, don’t worry, I only gave him a bruise or two. And he started it, I might add.”

“That’s funny,” she sort of laughed.

“Stealing money is funny? Trying to kill me is funny?” She laughed some more. “I’ve known about the credits thing all along. He’s too proud to except a big raise so I allocate him a couple of thousand extra every week for shopping. I think he enjoys the suspense of it all. You know, transferring it to his account very secretively, like he’s in a spy novel.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

“Oh, come on now, Zach, you can’t really be scared of an old butler can you?” “He had friends with him. Animated suits of armor with big, sharp, nasty-looking axes.” I form my hand into a claw to help reinforce my point.

“Zach, Zach, Zach,” she giggled. “Those things are 30 years old. If you can’t defeat a few antique bots in mortal combat, I want my credits cheerfully refunded this instant.”

“Ha ha, droll, very droll,” I said as I nimbly rolled out of bed and fell crashing to the floor. (I had forgotten how high up the bed was. I remembered shortly after my feet touched the ground shortly after I had expected them to.)

“My, you did have a rough day yesterday,” Ona said, still smiling. Ignoring her, I continued, “Do you know that both of your sisters claim you tried to kill them yesterday — well, now two days ago?” She paused for a moment. “No, that I didn’t know.”

“Yep, they think you tried to do ‘em in with specially designed arsenic. It was altered to attack only their cells.”

“Well, well this is interesting. Now they’re making up stories. They’re obviously delirious.”

“Both of them?” I questioned.

“I don’t know what’s up, Zach. But I didn’t try to kill my sisters!” She sounded quite sincere when she spoke. “I’m not a killer. That’s why I hired you. Remember?” Tough logic to argue with, but I did. “How can I be certain that you didn’t botch some attempt to kill them? Then maybe you decided to come and hire me. Whoever decided to try to do ‘em in had to have three things: a real good brain, lots of cash and sample cells. You, Ona, fit that description on all three counts.” “Well yes, I must agree with you there,” she said as modest as ever. “But still, it would be kind of stupid for me to kill my sisters, especially with a weapon that would have been so obviously traced back to me. I think they’re trying to knock you off guard. Did you get a sample of the arsenic?”

“How would you expect me to do that? I’m here as your boyfriend, not your private investigator. Remember?”

“Well you could have asked out of concern,” she said.

She was right. I had messed up. Still, I had to defend myself. I did have a rep to protect. “I have this nasty habit of believing women when they tell me somebody is trying to kill them. I didn’t ask you for proof, did I?”

“No, my gallant knight, you only asked me for money,” she stated.

I had to hand it to her, she was really giving it to me good. Her last comment really hurt. “Look Ona, you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t have believed them. But then, maybe I shouldn’t have believed you either? Just something inside my gut is telling me that you’re all telling the truth. I can’t run a blood test on everybody who needs my help to see if they’re tell the truth.” I decided to pause, and let her make the next move.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Come on,” she said. “That gives me an idea.”

“Where are we going?” I was getting more confused by the second.

“To the pool. I’m sure Twa and Threa will be there.”

“Wait, let me throw on a pair of swim trunks.”

“Fine, if you must.” I opened my closet. I grabbed the first pair of trunks I found. Funny, I could have sworn the entire wardrobe was new again. Still, no time for that.

Ona grabbed a towel and tossed it to me. “Here, take this. You’ll need it.” “What for?” I asked hating to sound as confused as I knew I did.

“For evidence!” she said enthusiastically as she pulled me out the door. We went down to the pool at break neck pace. Sure enough, both Twa and Threa were there, Threa reading and Twa fighting a couple more NFLoids. “Twa!” Ona shouted. “What the hell gives you the right to touch my man?” Twa hit the poor android with a round-house right that shattered it into millions of pieces of tiny useless android parts.

“All the king’s horses and all the king’s men aren’t going to be able to put that together again,” I mumbled. Ona didn’t hear me as she was already face to face with Twa. I imagined that very few people could get that close to an angry Twa and live to tell about it.

“Listen, Ona, all I did was…”

WAP!

“…OUCH! I’ll kill you bitch!”

Twa never got to complete her original thought as Ona hit her with a right jab right to the nose. Ona drew blood the first punch. I was impressed. Twa was angry. She fired some sort of reverse punch at Ona. It landed square on her perfect mouth. The punch would have shattered the jaw and probably killed 99.999 percent of the creatures on Earth. All it did to Ona was send her head back a little.

Ona rubbed some of the blood off her lips. She looked at it on her hands. She looked kind of startled by it. I guessed it was a substance she wasn’t use to seeing, at least not when it was hers. She backed off and raised an arm, “Okay Sis, no more. Let’s call it even.” She started to back away towards me. To my great surprise Twa let her. It seemed that neither sister really wanted to get it on with somebody their own size.

“Darn,” I thought. Just when it looked like it might get interesting.

Ona grabbed me by the shoulder and started pulling me towards the mansion. “Come on lover.”

“What was that all about?” I prompted.

She wiped Twa’s blood from her hand on one side of the towel. She then put the opposite side of the towel to her mouth, soaking up a bit of blood. She tossed me the towel, “Here’s your evidence. You do know somebody who runs an independent lab, don’t you?”

I nodded.

“Good,” she said. “I’m sure if you have this towel analyzed, the half with my blood on it will show traces of cyanide. I have no idea what the half with Twa’s blood will show. I don’t know if stupidity registers on blood tests.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Hey, I’m not just a great body,” she reminded me. “I figure since Threa’s story is the same as Twa’s, there’s really no use in me punching her too — besides, of course, the obvious fun factor.”

I shook my head. “You see, that’s why I’m a professional and you’re only the richest being in the universe. To do this really right, we need samples from everybody involved in this little fiasco.”

She turned around and started back towards Threa. “Good, I was hoping you’d say that.”

She walked right up to Threa, who was trying very hard to ignore her older sister and keep sunning herself while reading War & Peace III: Here We Go Again. Ona was not an easy person to ignore. “Okay bitch, I want to talk to you,” she half-screamed, half-ordered, in a voice that was so scary I started to fear for my life. Threa continued trying to ignore her irate sister.

Ona grabbed Threa and pulled her up by the front of her bathing suit. This was something I felt many a person would really enjoy doing. Ona was one of the few beings in the Universe who could do this and be able to walk away afterwards under her own power. Threa did not appreciate at all what Ona was doing. “Ona, are you crazy?” she half-screamed, half-questioned.

Ona’s only response was a well-timed elbow to the nose. The blow brought forth red pay dirt. Ona gently shoved Threa back into her lounge chair. “That’s just for being you, sis!” she spat, as stormed away from Threa and back towards me. She got to me and smiled.

I handed her the towel and she carefully brushed the blood from her elbow onto the top part of the towel. “There,” she said, looking very satisfied. “If their blood isn’t tainted you’ll know they’re lying.”

“And if it is?” I ventured.

She ignored that. “And if my blood is tainted you’ll know I’m not lying.” The whole thing wasn’t quite as simple as Ona would have made it out to be. Still, having the towel analyzed would give me a general idea of who was lying and who might (might being the operative word) be telling the truth. “I have a friend who has a lab in Frisco. I’m sure he could run a test or two on this.”

“Great! I’ll drive you.”

“No, that’s okay, Ona. I think it would be better if you weren’t there. I don’t want you biasing the test results, if you know what I mean,” I also didn’t want to risk my life riding with her again.

“Okay, I’ll give you a hover craft and an android driver, okay?” She seemed sincere.

“Sounds good. Let me wolf down a little breakfast and change into something less comfortable, then I’ll be on my way.”

Chapter 13: Air Ache

The android pilot met me on launch pad three. It held the door open and politely asked, “Where too, sir?”

“New Frisco,” I politely replied. “AMP labs. Do you know where it’s located?”

“Of course, sir,.” it bellowed in that hollow, lifeless, unisex android tone. “I’ve been programmed with every location on this continent.”

“My, you are a handy thing!” I replied as we took off.

The ride was nice and calming: slow and easy. After spending a day at Ona’s mansion, calm was good. I really didn’t mind the break. The android was a much slower driver than Ona. Within 45 minutes AMP came into sight. The driver locked the craft into hover mode.

“Your destination is directly 300 meters below, Mr. Johnson,” the driver bellowed. It was also nice enough to point out the exact building to me, just in case I didn’t recognize it from 300 meters above. Androids can be so polite sometimes. “Thanks, my good machine. Now if you’ll be ever so kind enough to land on the roof,” I said, politely pointing to the roof.

The android shook its head. “I don’t think so, sir.”

“Well, the street will be fine, even though the roof does have a couple of nice landing pads,” I commented, once again pointing out the roofs landing pads.

“I don’t think so, sir,” the android persisted. Androids can be so confusing some times.

“Please specify,” I said, using my most android-like voice.

“You are getting out right here!” it stated very matter-of-factly. “Huh?” I made no attempt to hide my confusion. “Listen, bud, I don’t know if you realize this or not, but I won’t survive a 300-meter drop.”

“Your heart is in good shape sir. You will survive the actual drop. I believe it is the sudden stop that will terminate you.”

Androids can be so factual sometimes.

“Thanks for the clarification, but I’m not getting out.” I was quite determined about this.

Apparently, so was my android friend. It started towards me. “I deduced you would say that sir. I am afraid I must throw you out.”

I triggered my gun and it popped into my hand just like it’s supposed to. I aimed it directly at the android and smiled. “Okay, if you insist on playing rough, I can too.”

The android stopped about half a meter from me. It looked at my gun and remarked, “Firing the gun will destroy me. From this range the projectiles will penetrate my structure and then destroy this craft. It will crash. I will have succeeded in my task.”

It never ceases to amaze me how smart androids can be sometimes.

“Well, those are some pretty smart words for a thing that has its sock untied,” I said as I pointed to its feet.

It looked down. “That makes no sense, sir. While my appearance may be slightly human, I am an android, androids have no emotions and no need for socks. Even if androids were to wear socks they would not be untied, as socks…”

While my android buddy was making this brilliant observation I quickly shot a message to my adrenal glands to get pumping. With the added little boost that gave me, I lunged forward and pushed my fine android friend out of the craft before it could react.

On his way to the ground I heard him surmising, “Though I am not familiar with all forms of socks, being a travel android. It is possible that a fashion android would….”

Before it could finish making deductions that would make Sherlock Homes himself look silly, the android hit the ground with a glorious metallic SPLAT. It never ceased to amaze me how stupid androids could be some times.

The trick now was to land the hover craft. I hated flying the things. But luckily, Electra had forcibly given me some lessons. Besides, it would be easy. All I had to do was go straight down. Which meant all I had to do was slowly lower the power lever to zero. Should be a piece of cake for a trained private eye with nerves of steel and hands of a surgeon — even if that private eye was a little bit uncomfortable with heights. I reached for the lever slowly, almost as if it was a pit viper that would lash out at me if I moved too fast. These things are really easy to land once they are locked into hover mode, I reinforced to myself. All I needed to do was to slowly cut the power. The only real trick was not to cut the power too slowly. Ideally, you want the drop in power to match the actual descent of the craft. I gripped the lever. It didn’t feel as foreign in my hand as I thought it would. This I took as a positive sign. I slowly lowered the lever. The craft slowly started to descend. I was happy.

After around 5 minutes I was within 4 meters from the ground. All things considered, things were going fairly well except for one tiny problem. The hover craft’s power meter read 1 percent power. I depressed the lever a bit slower than I should have, which meant I was going to have to do one of two things. Either I would have to shoot power back up again and then try to descend again at a more reasonable pace, or cut power completely while I was a little higher than I should be. The last option would cause me to drop the last few meters a lot quicker than normal.

I, of course, choice the latter and pushed the lever all the way down in one fast fluid motion. The result of my action sort of felt like a very quick roller coaster ride with a very sudden jarring stop. But like they say, any landing you can limp away from is a good one.

I found Randy tinkering away with the same nasty invention he had shown me on the view phone. He, as always was so caught up in his work that he didn’t even notice me when I entered the room. I politely cleared my throat to get his attention. Still no reaction. Randy may be a brilliant scientist but at times he was about as observant as most room furniture.

I walked up to him, tapped him on the shoulder, and cleared my throat again. Still no reaction. I called his name, “Ah Randy. I need your help.”

Still no reaction. Once he immersed himself in a project he usually went way under. To bring him back was going to take drastic action. “Well, well, what do I have here?” I said in a voice 5 or 6 decibels above my norm. “It is a micro vid of all the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issues from 1999 to today.” I waited for some response. Nothing happened.

Finally, in desperation I blurted out, “E = MC cubed.”

“That’s squared, ” he said, not bothering to look up. He paused for a moment. “Is that you, Zach?” I finally had made contact. I now knew what it must have been like for those first scientists who made contact with life on other planets. “I need your help, Randy. Can you pull yourself away?”

He turned around from his latest deadly toy. “Sure, why not?” he said. “It’s not like I’m making progress here. Sometimes science can be so frustrating…” he sighed. “What can I do for you?”

I showed him the towel. “I need this analyzed.”

He looked at the towel and said, “That’s easy!”

“Great. I knew I could count on you, Randy.”

“It’s a beach towel, ” he said very scientifically.

I wanted to hit him. “I know it’s a beach towel, Doctor.” I stressed the word “Doctor”. “I’d like the blood on the towel analyzed.”

He took the towel from me and smiled. “I knew that,” he said as he walked toward a flat-top computer. “That was just a little scientific humor.”

He laid the towel across the computer’s top and said, “Analysis of blood samples please.”

“I could have done that!” I said.

“No you couldn’t,” Randy insisted. “It takes many years of college training at advanced graduate levels to learn the exact precise way of laying a sample on top of a computer analysis machine.” I wasn’t at all certain if he was serious or not.

While I was contemplating if this was more scientific humor, the computer broke my meditation by chanting, “Analysis complete. Would you like vocal or physical report?”

“Physical, please. I assume you’ll be wanting a hard copy of this, Zach?” “That would be nice, Randy. I always prefer to hold evidence in my hand instead of just looking at it on a cold screen.”

The computer hit us with the next prompt: “Paper or Screen or Disk?” I answered for Randy, “Paper, computer.”

The computer then prompted one last time, “Old-fashioned paper or synthetic?”

I turned to Randy. “You still have old-fashioned paper made from trees?” “I keep it for special occasions. You know, there are still some people who still prefer the feel of the real thing.”

“Synthetic paper is fine, computer.”

The report printed. Randy removed the report and looked at it. “Very interesting.”

“Well? What’s up, Doc?”

“These are amazing blood samples Zach. Human. Textbook perfect human. No unusual proteins at all. These specimens have never been sick a day in their lives.”

“Are you sure, Randy?”

“Positive Zach. There’s nothing abnormal about this blood except for its extreme normalcy.” He stopped for a minute as if to think about the strangeness of the statement he just made. Then he continued, “Of course, two of the samples do have traces of some sort of super arsenic in them; the other sample contains cyanide.” “You positive, Randy?”

“Of course I am. I’ve been reading for years now. If these blood samples weren’t so perfect, the specimens would be dead.”

Well, what do you know? I thought. Everybody was telling at least part of the truth. “Can I take the print out?”

“Sure, Zach.” I grabbed the printout and the towel and went flying out of Randy’s lab. I had work to do. “Thanks Randy. You’ve been a big help.”

Randy didn’t hear me as he was already back to tinkering with his newest toy.

Chapter 14: Return to the Scene

Not wanting to take any more chances, I returned to my apartment by way of manual power. It felt good. I had forgotten what it was like to get somewhere without the aid of a machine. I knew, though, that if I was going to get back to Ona’s today I was going to have to use a machine. There was only one machine I really trusted and that was my fire engine red, 2010 Mustang. It was a classic. It beat those flying machines all to hell as far as I was concerned. If God had wanted man to fly he or she would have given us parachutes.

I jumped in. Pressed the ignition code. Put her in to gear. Listened to the engine purr like a thirsty cat in a milk factory, for an all too brief second, and headed back to Ona’s.

The drive to the mansion was pleasant. It was nice to spend a few hours where no person or no thing tried to end my life prematurely. I reached Ona’s far too soon. It wasn’t like she was paying me by the hour. Still, my mom always told me, an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.

I was greeted at the force field gate by a giant guardbot rolling on it’s treadmill like legs towards my car. “Yes?” it bellowed in a deep baritone voice. “Let me in stupid. I’m here to see Ona. I’m her latest lover. Remember?”

“Of course, Mr. Johnson. I will lower the force field now. You may enter. Sorry about the confusion. Miss Ona’s lovers are hard to keep track of. You must remember that I only have a few meg of memory. I am built for force, not thinking” I drove past the force field. Two other guardbots came rolling up to the car, blocking my path. “I’m sorry,” one of them said, “but no personal vehicles past this point. You may take a shuttle or use manual power the last six kilometers to the mansion.”

I hopped out of my car. “I’ll use manual power. I haven’t had very good luck with shuttles lately.”

“Very good sir,” the other guardbot replied. “We’ll alert the mistress that you are on your way.”

I turned and started on my fairly long trek to Ona’s. Suddenly, it happened again! The hair on my neck started to rise. I shot myself to the ground, then spun around. I rolled up with my trusty gun in my hand ready to send the bots back to their maker. The three guardbots looked at me as surprised as three guardbots can. I mean, how much surprise can you show on a blank screen that has lights pulsing from it?

Something was terribly wrong here. The hair on my neck only raises when I’m in danger, I was sure the guardbots were getting ready to attack. But they weren’t. They were taken quite by surprise by my actions. But they were quick to react. “Subject is going to attack! Prepare for defense!” one of them shouted. For a moment I thought about explaining my miscalculation to them, but then common sense over rode this thought. I had learned from experience that it’s hard to reason with Guardbots, especially when you’ve just pulled a weapon on them and they have you out-gunned.

So I fired.

The second two bots were close enough together so my first splitting exploding bullet took them both out easily. In a way it felt good for once to actually be dishing out the punishment and the confusion instead of receiving it. The guardbot who had greeted me at the door fired some sort of plasma heating blast at me. I dove under it. I did a somersault and came up firing three shots in my attacker’s general direction. I knew the force field would keep any stray shots from wandering too far. I’m not sure how many shots hit their intended mark, but my target exploded with wondrous glory.

I rose to my feet. I glanced around to check out the situation. It was not good. I was not happy. Three bots were down, but I was surrounded by maybe a hundred others. Despite the Guardbots rather comical appearance with their screen with flashing lights for a head, two claw like appendages for arms, a tank style base; the long metal cylinder that held them all together was loaded with a nasty array of death delivering devices that made them anything but funny. I felt it was highly likely that they all had whichever of those flashing lights they use for sights trained on me and that I was in big trouble. I would have been holier and flatter than Swiss cheese in a spiked vice if they fired.

I threw my hands in the air. “Whoa, I surrender!”

There was a slight moment of silence. A familiar voice broke the silence. “Guardbots, retreat. I’ll handle this turkey from here.” It was Ona.

I can’t say I wasn’t glad to see her. “Gee, Zach, I don’t mind you taking target practice on my guards. But I wish you’d at least give me a little warning.” “Sorry,” was my initial response. Then I added, “Something’s playing with my mind.”

Now it was Ona’s turn to look confused, “What do you mean, Zach?”

“The hair on the back of my neck stood up. Until now that’s only happened when I’ve been in trouble — big trouble. Since I drew my gun I had to get them before they got me.”

Ona looked even more confused, “Oh, I see. Let’s try not to let it happen again. Okay?”

“Sure.”

“And Zach, maybe you should consider switching barber-bots?”

We started walking towards the mansion.

“So, what did you find?” Ona asked.

“That you all seem to be telling the truth,” I answered.

“Well, I’ll be,” she said with a look of surprise. “Seems like I punched out my sisters just for the shear joy of it.” She looked around for a moment, then continued, “I could have sworn you left with a hover craft and a driver.”

I cleared my throat. “Ah, yes, I did. That’s another interesting story.”

“I have time, Zach.”

“Well, Ona darling, the good news is that with maybe 10 thousand credits or so the hover craft will be good as new.”

“What happened to it?” she asked, with a sly smile. I deemed myself lucky that she seemed to be finding this all quite amusing.

“I crashed it. Sort of. It wasn’t a bad crash. Just a little crash. I’m fine, thank you.”

“And my driver?” she prompted.

“It sort of crashed too,” I said shyly.

“Oh?”

“I don’t believe that you would believe that it jumped out of the craft under its own accord?” I asked in my most sincere tone.

Ona wasn’t buying, “Afraid not, Zach. Very few androids are prone to suicide.”

I decided to come clean. I blurted out, “It tried to kill me!” I put my hand over my heart to emphasize that I was telling the God’s honest truth here.

Ona wasn’t quite so certain. “Are you sure about this, Zach?”

“I know I might have been a little wrong about the guards just now, but I wasn’t imagining this. It threatened in no uncertain terms to throw me out of the craft at 300 meters. I had to do something. And I wasn’t imagining it!” I thought it would be good to reiterate that last part.

“Well, fine. How bad is it?”

“Let’s put it this way, Ona doll, are you familiar with the story of Humpty Dumpty?”

“That bad huh?”

I simply kept walking.

“You know, Zach Nix Johnson, you are a very strange fellow sometimes. I like that.”

“I’m glad. It’s always pleasant to have clients who like you.”

Ona and I strolled to the mansion in silence. To the casual observer it might have seemed like all the sisters were attempting to kill each other and everybody else was trying to kill me. This may very well have been true. But my highly trained mind was starting to tick away. I was pretty certain that whoever was trying to kill the sisters was also trying to kill me. I must have been getting close to something. I just didn’t know what.

Finally Ona broke the silence. “So what do you think?”

“E=MC squared.” I said.

“Ha ha, very funny Zach. What do you think about the case?”

“Not quite sure yet. I still need to talk to a couple of possible suspects.” “Who?” she questioned.

“Well, I have to check out this Opee character. He does live here with you?” “Sure, he’s been our pet for years. But Opee would never want to harm us. He loves us.”

“Listen Ona. I’m the professional here. I have to research every possible clue. Does Opee have the knowledge to reprogram androids?”

“Sure, who doesn’t?” she stated very matter-of-factly. It was like any moron can reprogram an android.

“After Opee, I also have to run a check on the missing sister.”

“Fora!” she laughed. “Why?”

“She is your sister. Her blood could be used to create the poison that was used on Twa and Threa.”

“So, where would she get the money for that sort of posion. She has no money! Plus, she legally can’t have any of our money. Remember she sued us to make sure she didn’t get any. So, why would she want to kill us?”

“Yes, well maybe she just wants to kill you guys for pleasure. People hold grudges sometimes, especially sisters,” I pointed out.

“Not Fora. She doesn’t even acknowledge that we exist.”

“Don’t count on it Doll face. Human nature is a strange thing. I wouldn’t doubt that superhuman nature is even stranger.” “I won’t argue with you there,” she said. “Still, if you call me Doll face ever again I’m going to hand you your face and another part or two. Get it?”

“Loud and clear,” I gulped. I took a deep breath, then said, “I also have to check out the Save The Cats Foundation, they do have a lot to gain by your deaths.”

“Not really,” she said.

I hate it when my clients disagree with me.

“Remember, Zach, they are a charity organization and charities are restricted by law. They cannot receive more than a million credits a month from any one source. And I already give them that in memory of daddy! So they’d gain nothing by our deaths.”

“Maybe not. But I still have to check them out.” I paused to yawn. “But first, I need a shower, a good meal and a good night’s sleep. It’s been another one of those days.” “Sounds like fun,” she smiled.

“I do mean sleep, Ona. Remember, we are only posing as lovers. Contrary to what my agent may lead the public to believe, I love only one woman. I am a very private dick.”

Chapter 15: Opee or not Opee? That was the Question!

Ona and I started the next day bright and early at 7 a.m. She was a perfect lady all night. Part of me was disappointed that she didn’t at least try something. Part of me was surprised that she didn’t try something. Maybe there was more to Ona than I gave her credit for?

“So what’s the first step today cute buns?” she asked as I rolled out of bed. “Breakfast, of course. A good detective always eats a good breakfast. It’s one of the most important meals of the day. And, please refrain from calling me cute buns. It’s bad for the tough-guy image.”

“Fine,” she said as she tossed off the string that was her nightgown and tossed on the string that was the swimsuit of the day; making my heart skip a beat. “Whatever you say sweety cakes. I’ll have the maidbots bring up breakfast.”

Part of me wanted to slug her, but the other wiser part of me didn’t feel like spending time in the hospital. So I rolled with it. “Where can I usually find Opee?” I asked as a munched on a grape.

“He’s always down in basement-one working on those smelly things you like.” “You mean cars?”

“Yeah, if that’s what you call them. He likes them too.”

“Well, he can’t be too bad now, can he?” I thought out loud.

After breakfast I easily found the basement with only a little help from the computer. I was finally beginning to be able to get around in the mansion.

When I entered the basement garage my heart stopped. I could not believe what lay in front of me. A 1967 Corvette with the hood open. A super classic in mint condition! This car dated back to the old days when they still made vehicles on this continent. I walked up to take a peak into the engine. It was a beauty, carburetor, cylinders, all those good things that the few cars that are made today don’t have. Then, it happened again. The hair on the back of my neck started to stand up. At the risk of feeling and looking stupid I darted to the left. I saw an old-fashioned hand wrench smash into the spot that I had been occupying only a second ago. I was relived that I was not going nuts. But I was upset that once again somebody was trying to bash my brains in, especially so early in the morning.

I reacted fast. I had too. I sent a mental note to my adrenal gland to get pumping at full steam. I also increased the blood flow to the muscles and bones of my left arm and hand. I was going to turn and deliver a left jab that I hoped my adversary would not soon forget.

I turned and jabbed blindly. I scored a hairy bulls (or in this case apes) eye. I watched a fairly good-sized wrench wielding gorilla go flying backwards into the wall.

His collision with the wall made a satisfying (to me) thunk. The wall gave way a little, he gave in a lot and slumped top the floor.

“Opee, I presume?” He rubbed his chin. “Nice punch for a normal human…” he remarked as he straightened himself.

“Thanks, I work out a lot, eat the right food, and get plenty of sleep at night.” He pointed to my wrists. “You also wear those bands.”

It appeared Opee was much smarter than your run-of-the-mill ape. I adjusted the bands on my arms, “Yeah, I suppose those help some too. Why the attack, Opee?”

“I got carried away a little, I guess,” he shrugged. I picked up the wrench he had dropped and slapped it against my hand a couple of times. “Care to clarify that last statement?”

“I guess I was a little jealous. I am an animal, you know.”

“Jealous? Of me?” I questioned. “Why?”

“It’s only natural for pets to get jealous when their masters are spending time with other people,” he said.

“True, but most of them just piddle on the floor or something. To my knowledge, it’s very unusual for a pet to attempt to commit murder.”

He put his head down. “Yeah, sorry about that. I do get carried away at times. You know animal rage and all that. It’s just that you slept with Ona. I guess I tend to be over-possessive.”

I agreed with him one that one. “Yes, I feel you do.”

He started walking towards me, very melancholy. “It’s just that you have no idea what it’s like to love somebody when they can’t or won’t love you back. Not even my analyst understands.”

I put my hand on the poor guy’s rather large, very hairy shoulder. Sometimes being a private dick also means you have to be a private head shrinker. “But Opee, I happen to know that they do love you.”

He shook his head, “Yeah, like a pet… I always wanted it to be more. But none of them wanted to ruin our friendship.”

I thought I should point out the obvious to him. “Op, buddy, you do realize that you are an gorilla. Correct?”

“Of course. But it’s not as outrageous as you think. Gorillas and humans are 98% genetically compatible.”

I patted him a couple of times on the shoulder. “Yes, but that two percent is a big two percent.”

Opee nodded in agreement. “You’re right, of course, but like I said, sometimes I can be a real animal. I’m sorry.” He held out his paw.

I reluctantly accepted it. His handshake was surprisingly gentle.

“So you only attacked me out of a brief jealous rage?”

“Yep, it won’t happen again.”

“I can trust you. Right, Opee?”

“Of course, Mr. Johnson. The only animal that lies is man.”

That last comment really hurt as it rang over and over in my cranium. So I figured maybe I would change the topic. I turned to the Vette. “Beautiful vehicle you have here.”

Opee’s giant face turned into one giant smile. “Yes it is,” he said proudly. “I reconditioned it myself. You’re a fan, aren’t you? Or is that just a ploy by your agent?”

“No,” I reassured him. “I am a fan. I believe this is the way the creator intended man,” I paused for a moment when I remembered the company I was keeping, “and ‘almost-man’ to travel.”

He patted me on the back as only a gorilla can. “Yes, you are a smart man, Mr. Johnson.”

“My friends call me Zach.” He took a deep breath. “Well Zach, would you like to take my baby for a spin around the grounds?”

Now my face was a giant smile. “You bet!”

The red beauty ran and handled like a dream. Even an untrained mind could detect that I was in ecstasy driving around the grounds. I enjoyed driving the car even more than I enjoyed seeing Ona naked. Still, there was work to be done and I was a professional. “I suppose you know what’s going on around here?” I questioned. “You mean about the attempts on my masters’ lives?” He continued before I could answer. “Of course I know. I helped all of them run the tests on the would-be murder weapons.”

“Yes, I figured you did.” I paused to let him think a minute. Then I went on, “You must know that I have to consider you as a possible suspect.”

“Yes, I figured you did. But I didn’t do it. I’m an animal and animals don’t lie, except of course for…”

“Yes, yes, ” I interrupted, “except for man. But..”

“No buts about it,” he interrupted back. “I’m not stupid. Who knows what would happen to me if something happened to one or more of my masters? One thing for sure, if things got shaken up I’d probably have to leave the mansion. And I don’t want to leave the mansion. It’s a jungle out there.”

I stopped and reflected on what he had said. It was obvious to my highly trained mind that Opee was the one creature I was dealing with here whose word I could take at face value. “So, Opee?” I asked. “Who do you think is behind all this? Geebs?”

Opee shook his head. “No, besides from being far too clich? of a choice, Geebs has everything to lose and nothing to gain. If anything happened to my masters he’d be out on the street. There’s not much demand anymore for actual human butlers. He’d have to live off social security. And you know how hard that is. Especially after the Nader administration cut back so much on it. No, Geebs is like a human, less hairy, less intelligent version of myself. Nothing to gain and all too much to lose.”

“My thoughts exactly.” Okay, so they weren’t exactly my thoughts. Still, good sense is good sense. “Good points. What about the sisters themselves?” I ventured.

“You know,” he said very philosophically, “I’ve known those girls all their lives. Heck, I’m the only non-inorganic creature who ever had enough stamina to change their diapers. They can be crass, rude, loud, uncaring, thoughtless, mean-spirited, all in all generally quite scummy.” He stopped for a breath, “Still, I don’t think any of them are murderers. Just call it animal logic.”

“Well,” I said, “right now they all look like they could be murderers. What do you know about Fora?”

Opee scratched his head for a second then said, “She’s the one I’ve always had the least contact with. Now that she’s moved out I don’t hear from her at all. She never drops by, never even sends electronic mail. I guess she wants nothing to do with any part of her past.”

“Why, Opee? What’s wrong with her past?”

“Fora was always the purple sheep of the sisters. She was the baby, you know.” He went on without giving me a chance to reply. “She was very close to her father. She blamed the others for his death. She swore she’d get revenge.” He stopped to think for a minute. “Gee I suppose this is a pretty valuable clue to you.” “Yes it is,” I agreed. “How come Ona never mentioned this to me?”

“She probably doesn’t know. I only heard Fora make these threats by accident. As a matter of fact I had forgotten all about them until just now.” He rubbed his head, “Strange, it’s like someone erased them from my mind, or at least buried them under lots of almost useless information like who won the 1986 World Series.”

I jammed on the breaks of the car, threw it into park and jumped out. “Thanks for the tip, Opee.”

Opee was still rubbing his head, “Ah, no problem.”

“Tell Ona I’m on to something and that I’m going to my office to check some stuff out. I’ll let her know when I have something conclusive!” I said excitedly. “Sure Zach,” he said. “But be careful. If you’re thinking what I think your thinking, things could get real ugly real quick.”

“Thanks for the advice, Op. But I’m a big boy. I’m more than able to take care of myself.” I only hoped Opee believed those words more than I did.

The Doomsday Brunette Part II

Chapter 17: Big Ideal!

I made the drive from New LA to my office like a nervous soon-to-be father delivering his pregnant with triplets wife to the hospital. I knew it was awfully fast but I was in a hurry. I was finally making headway here.

I raced into my office and shouted an excited, “HARV turn on!”

“About time! You haven’t turned me on in over 32 hours. Plus you forget to bring your remote watch communicator. Oh well, I forgive you. What game do you want to play?” My trusty computer exclaimed then questioned as it came to ‘life’ at my vocal command. “I have a great virtual reality one I just downloaded from one of the B-Boards.”

“I don’t wanted to play a game right now. We have work to do HARV.” “Ha ha very funny. You know we computers don’t have a sense of humor. Just pick the game. I also have a new virtual unreality game— it’s about an honest politician who saves the universe. So, just pick the game.” HARV at times was a very stubborn computer.

“No, I’m serious. I’m still working on the Thompson case. I want you to give me all the financial information on the Thompson quads and Save the Cats Foundation or Institute or whatever they call themselves.” I was pretty sure that Fora was the one behind all this; but I needed some sort of proof. Some connection just to clinch it.

“With pleasure, big guy. We computers love to serve. I’m just surprised you haven’t solved the case yet.”

I wasn’t sure if HARV was being cynical or not.

HARV whirred for a moment than said, “The first three Thompsons are easy. Ona makes no efforts to hide her wealth. She has accounts in over 1000 banks universe wide. There are a couple of banks here where she’s their only customer. Boy, Bossman, I envy you, getting paid to spend time with her; she’s a babe to the power of five and she’s rich to boot!! Hubba Hubba.”

There was something about a computer saying Hubba Hubba that always sent a slight chill up my spine. Still, I ignored it and continued, “How about Twa and Threa?”

HARV whirred a bit more. “They have bucks. They invested wisely the money daddy gave them while he was alive. I’d value them both roughly in the very high millions low billions depending how the market is doing on a given day.” There was something about a computer making rough estimates that also sent a slight chill up my spine. I also chose to ignore this and continued, “Good, good. That’s just what I expected. Now what about Fora?”

HARV whirred some more. Then some more. Finally, “I’ve checked all banks on this planet. She has no accounts.”

“Check other planets, HARV. Other civilizations may not like us but they do like our credits.”

HARV whirred. “Nada, boss.”

I wasn’t sure if this was good or bad. “Try her organization,” I suggested. “I’m not sure what it’s called.”

HARV whirred. “She calls it the Fellowship For Removal of Greed or FFROG.” Another whirl. “Nothing on this planet. I assume you want me to check other planets.”

“Of course.” HARV whirred. “There’s an account on GLAD-7 that’s totally blocked off to me. A lesser computer wouldn’t have even noticed it!”

“Can you get through?” I asked.

“It will cost ya.”

“Fine, go ahead. Just get me the info I need HARV.”

HARV whirred. “Okay, I just transferred 10,000 credits into the account of the guy who wrote the bank’s defense program.” A pause. “BINGO! I’m in!! Hmm, interesting, very interesting.”

“Well?” I pried. “Don’t keep me waiting.”

“Yep, she’s loaded in more ways than one.” HARV confirmed. “The Fellowship has assets in the hundred billions.”

“Well, well isn’t that interesting! How about the Save The Cats Foundation?” I figured the more connections I had the better.

HARV whirred. “This is interesting also.” He paused just to drive me crazy. “Well?” I questioned impatiently — starting to lose my temper. “They’re kind of broke. But they shouldn’t be. Dr. Thompson set up a fund for them that Ona still contributes to. They’ve been getting a million credits a month for years now. Yet their account only has 13.13 credits in it. I know they might have expenses but certainly not that many.”

“Did you check for other accounts?” I questioned.

“Of course. I wasn’t assembled yesterday you know. They only have one account. This is weird too. They only have one executive board member remaining: a Mr. Manuel Ramirez. He has complete control over their finances — such as they are.”

The picture of a rather mousy-looking man appeared on part of HARV’s screen.

“What can you tell me about his personal finances?”

HARV scanned. “Hmm, his account is blocked. I’m depositing 10,000 credits into his bank’s programmer’s account.”

“Great,” I thought. “I’m getting paid twice my normal rate and I’m losing money on this job.” I was starting to see why I was the only private eye left in the universe.

HARV searched in silence. “Well? ” I asked. “What am I getting for my money?”

“This is strange. His account seems to have transactions missing. Some transactions are incomplete. Others have been deleted.”

“Any transactions to Fora?” I asked.

“None I can find.” HARV said bluntly. “Running another cross check. I have a hunch.”

A computer that had hunches really sent a chill up my spine. Still, HARV’s hunches were right on target more often than not. “Here it is!!” HARV sounded excited. “There’s a M. Ramirez on Fora Thompson’s mailing list! It looks like he’s a card carrying member of her group.”

“Looks like I’ll be going to Nevada,” I said. “I need to check this out up close and personal.”

“Well, you’ll get your chance soon enough,” HARV replied. “Fora’s giving another one of her talks on the evils of money tonight in Vegas. Her show starts in ten hours.”

“No time, to waste then!” I said, as a grabbed my watch communicator from my desk draw.

“I’m bringing my communicator HARV. But remember, don’t call me, I’ll call you,” I called out as I started out the door.

I exited with a polite wave. As I left I faintly heard HARV mutter something about me not being able to solve a basic math problem without him.

Chapter 18: Pit Stop

I reached the Nevada border in great time. Very few people used land-based roads anymore, so traffic and police were never a problem. With the sky being so congested I was always surprised that more people didn’t opt to use the same methods our ancestors used to get from place to place.

I was enjoying the view, the quiet, and the speed: nice, safe, all-wheels-on-the- ground speed. Suddenly, the quiet was interrupted by my car’s on board computer, “YO DUDE, energy running way low here, man. I only have 100 miles left in me.” The only real problem with driving a classic car is that with a classic you get a classic computer with sometimes archaic speech patterns. Of course you could always upgrade to a more modern computer; but to me that would ruin the charm of driving a classic. Plus in an emergency I could always interface him with HARV. “Thanks computer, but remember we don’t use miles any more. Please switch to metric mode.”

“Sorry man, old habits hard to break. Ya know?”

“No problem.”

“You’re okay, dude. A numeral uno in my book!”

“That really means a lot coming from an ancient car computer.” In the early 2000’s when they first started to try to build true personalities into computers it was not unusual for the programmers to model the computer’s “personality” after their own “personality.” Sort of a strange attempt at either parenthood or immortality. Which ever it was, I was pretty certain that whoever designed this car’s computer was a blond, surfer who lived in California. I often wondered if he was still alive and if he was what would he be like? That’s the nice thing about land driving, it lets you ponder important points such as that.

After pondering for another 10 kilometers I saw a road sign that read: ONLY GAS STATION IN NEVADA 1K. IF YOU DRIVE A CAR YOU’RE EVEN MORE OF A FOOL IF YOU DON’T FILL UP HERE!

Never being one able to resist a snappy sales pitch, I pulled into a little dingy gas station that looked as if it had been snatched from around 100 years in the past. It only had one old decrepit pump and a little “service” area that was dirtier than most teenagers rooms. I had to admit though that it had a certain charm.

“Yeah, what do you want?” asked a dingy attendant who appeared through the opening in the service area. He looked nearly as old and decrepit as the pump. “Ah, I’d like gas?”

“What?” he said, putting his hand to his ear.

“GAS,” I shouted. “THIS IS A GAS STATION, ISN’T IT?”

“Yeah yeah. You don’t have to shout. I’m not blind, you know,” he said as he walked towards me. I figured it would be wise to just ignore that last comment. I looked at the pump to see if I could get a general idea what this guy charged; but I couldn’t see any prices. “Just out of curiosity, what are your rates?” I asked.

He grabbed the nossle from the pump and thrust it into my car’s gas tank. “50 credits a liter.”

“What?”

He looked at me. “Awful young to be losing your hearing, aren’t you son?” Then he yelled to me, “50 CREDITS A LITER.”

“Awful expensive don’t you think?” I asked.

He didn’t stopped pumping. “Nearest competitor is about 200 kilos that way.” He pointed towards where I came from. “Feel free to use them.”

I was obviously dealing with a natural businessman here. “No that’s okay,” I half heartedly reassured him. “I like the atmosphere of this place. It’s worth paying a little extra for this sort of ambiance.”

He looked at me. “You talk funny. You’re a college boy. Aren’t you?” “Well, I was, but they kicked me out. I had a little problem with the dean’s daughter.” The last part was a joke to ease the tension and bridge the generation cavity that was between us. “Dean who?” He asked with a sincere look of confusion on his face.

“Never mind, it’s a long story.” I figured now would be a good time to change the subject. “Do you have a bathroom?”

He nodded his head, “What do I look like, a hick?” Luckily he didn’t let me answer. He pointed again. “It’s around back to the left.” I went of in the general direction of his pointing. “What’s the key code on the lock?” I asked. He just laughed. “Knock twice and say is anyone in there?” He laughed some more at my ignorance.

The decor in the bathroom matched the rest of place — early dirt. I didn’t really need to use it, I just needed an excuse to get away from Mr. Service with a snarl for a while. I only washed my hands. Even the water was dirty.

When I got back to my car the old gentleman was pulling the pump from the tank. Good, I thought. I couldn’t get out of this place soon enough. Then, instead of putting the cap back over the tank he reached into his pocket and pulled out something. It looked like a very small old book, the kind they used to have that contained pieces of paper with the words written on them in ink. I decided I better get a closer look fast.

The closer I came the more apparent it became that this wasn’t an old book. He opened the cover of whatever it was. The open cover revealed many skinny sticks of wood with funny red tops. It took a second, then it sunk in. It wasn’t an old fashion book at all. It was a bunch of old-fashioned fire sticks! Fire sticks and gas where not a good combo. Surely he knew that.

“HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” I shouted extra loud. I really stressed the word think.

He just ignored me. He separated one of the fire sticks from the rest and closed the cover. He struck the single fire stick against the cover. It lit. So did his face. I reached him just in time to blow the stick out before he had a chance to do anything with it other than admire it.

His face and the stick both lost their glow. The attendant was not one to be easily deterred. He simply opened the book again and pulled out another fire stick. I noticed he had lots of them in there, so something had to be done to stop this entire process. I grabbed his hand so he couldn’t strike the stick to the cover. “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked.

“Trying to blow up your fancy dancy vehicle,” he bluntly answered.

“May I ask why?”

“Don’t might reckon I know. It’s just something I have to do.” He ended his statement with a well-placed kick to my groin. It caught me off guard and it hurt. I fell back away from him. He lit the newest fire stick. His face lit up again. His arm started towards my gas tank again. My arm started towards his. It was a race to different finishes. My arm won. I caught him and stopped his arm from making any forward progress. I pulled the match to my face and blew it out. It was a simple but effective defense. I really didn’t want to hurt the old guy. But the feeling wasn’t at all mutual. He swung his free arm at me with surprising quickness. I ducked, more out of instinct than anything else. He ripped the arm I had a lock on out of my grip with much more strength than I would have expected from a man his age and size. He followed this surprising move by sending a lightning-like jab into my face. It struck. Once again I was knocked back from the force. This time I almost fell but managed to maintained my balance at the last instant.

I straightened myself and reappraised the situation.

My worthy and weathered opponent was more than he seemed. I enhanced my senses. He was breathing normally, and had a heart beat. He also smelled human — very human. He was no machine. He could have been bionic; but that just didn’t seem right, bionics just didn’t fit the profile here. He was persistent though. Probably figuring he had intimidated me to leave him alone, he started to light another fire stick. I quickly fired up my adrenal gland and sent extra blood to all my extremities. I leaped at him and used a quick leg-locking throw to bring him to the ground.

He fell.

I let myself drop on top of him with my knee “perfectly placed.” I figured turn about was fair play. My counter attack had slowed him down. From the contact I made all his bones and muscles seemed normal, confirming my thoughts that he was not bionic. Still, somehow, he was being enhanced., possibly in the same manner as I was. Luckily, I was younger and had more mass to enhance. I pinned him to the ground.

“Okay, friend what gives here?” I impatiently queried.

Before he could answer me I heard a somewhat familiar click. It was a click from the past, like the fire sticks were an item from the past. Like the fire sticks, it also took me a minute to search all the neurological routes in my mind to identify that sound. Then my mind clicked! It was A RIFLE BARREL CLICK. Uh oh.

I turned and saw a lady roughly the same age as my immobile service man. She was coming towards us both armed with a big old shotgun that was bigger than she was. “I’d get off my man now, son, if I was you.”

I listened. I got up slowly. I didn’t want hubby to make any sudden moves, but I certainly didn’t want to anger the little woman. I put my hands in the air. “That’s a pretty big gun for such a little lady,” I said. I was certain I could get my gun in my hand and blow her away before she had any idea what hit her. But blowing away old ladies (even ones that have the drop on you) is bad for a guy’s rep. My agent would be upset. Still, getting myself killed would probably upset him even more. It would also put a damper on my whole day.

“What’s the idea of beating on my man?” she questioned, maybe more out of curiosity than anger. “He started it!” I knew it sounded childish, but this lady was old enough to be my mother. I was hoping to appeal to her motherly instincts.

She looked at him. “Pa, have you been rough housing with this young man?” Her gun barrels never left my stomach.

“Sure, Ma, ” he answered. “I think he’ a college boy. I didn’t want to hurt him. I just wanted to blow up his vehicle. Hell, rich guy like that can buy another one no problem. What’s the problem with that? I wasn’t even going to charge him full price for the fill up.”

Hard logic to argue with. Something very strange was going on here. My amazing senses told me that these folks were spacey to begin with, but not this spacey. Some external force was at work here amplifying their emotions and abilities. Those same senses told me that I had better blow this joint fast.

Ma shook her head in agreement with Pa. “Sounds fair to me.” She poked me in the stomach with the gun. “Move back, son, so Pa can blow up your car. I’d hate to put a hole in your belly.”

“Not half as much as I would Ma’am,” I said as I faked a step back.

She took her eyes off me and focused on Pa again. “Okay Pa, let it blow.”

Before either had a chance to react, I did. I grabbed Ma’s gun and pulled towards me. The gun and ma both came. Ma was caught off guard; she evidently wasn’t experienced in this sort of thing. When I pulled the gun over my head Ma came flying with it into my body. For lack of anything else to do I head-butted her. She fell. I tossed the gun hard at Pa. The gun and he made contact. The both fell to the ground. Not wasting any time I jumped into my car and took off.

Great, I thought as I raced along the highway with pieces of hot lead projectiles blazing over my head. I just barely defeated a couple of folks who were old enough to be my parents’ grandparents. What was I going to do when I squared off against someone my own age?

Chapter 19: Traffic Control

After about 3 or 4 minutes of intense driving the fire from Ma and Pa’s shotgun either stopped or I was at least out of range. Whatever the case, I breathed a little sigh of relief. It’s just not good for a world-famous private eye to get into fights with senior citizens. It’s even worse for world-famous private eyes to lose fights to senior citizens.

Well, didn’t really lose, my slightly bruised ego told me. I did manage to knock them both down and escape without paying for my gas. I was only running because I didn’t want to have to hurt them. Still, I don’t think my agent would have been proud of me one way or another. That was the type of no win situation a trained private investigator is supposed to avoid. If I didn’t run away I would of had to beat up a couple of people who were old enough to be my great grand parents. Not exactly a good PR move. My id informed me that I made a wise choice. I decided I should turn on the radio to drown my thoughts in music. As I passed the 5K marker to New Vegas I noticed four police hover craft parked on the ground about 30 meters in front of me. They were blocking the road. There was one officer standing in front of the craft holding his arm out in the traditional stop-or-else pose. I also noticed that behind the officer using the crafts for shielding were at least 10 other officers, each with weapons drawn and aimed towards my direction.

I stopped the car a meter from the lead officer. “Any problems, officer?” “Zachary Nixion Johnson?” he asked in a very official-sounding tone. He looked to be the type of guy who believed rules were made to be enforced — with force if necessary.

“Yes, officer. Any problems?”

“Please get out of the vehicle, son,” he ordered, sticking his crew cut head into my car.

He was polite, but I didn’t like him calling me “son.” Especially since I was a good five years older than him. Still, he had a bunch of heavily armed men backing him up, so who was I to dicker with him? But I did anyway. “What’s this all about, officer?”

“You’re wanted for armed robbery and assault. It happened at a filling station 40 K up the road.” His face was stone-cold serious as only a law officer could be. A wise man would have been quiet here. But I said, “I know where it happened! But they attacked me. I only fought back in self defense.”

“Very well,” the officer replied, still stone-cold serious. “But did you pay them?”

“Pay them?? They were trying to kill me, for God’s sake.”

He shook his head. “A crime is a crime no matter what the motive.” His face was as steady as Gibraltar and just as boring. “Now out of the car! You’re coming with us!” He finally let a little anger show through.

I got out of the car slowly and put my hands up. Surely once I explained the circumstances to a judge all would be forgiven. I might have to pay for the gas but that would be it. These were after all reasonable people, law enforcement officers, the best of the best, I was dealing with.

“Up against the car!” the friendly officer barked. I obeyed and slowly stood against my car with my arms up over my head.

He frisked me, but he failed to find my wrist-holstered gun. This was strange. “Hands forward,” he ordered as he took a pair of electro bracers off his belt. He strapped the bracers on me. These bracers send inhibiting electrons to the brain, locking the arms into a forward position and preventing a wearer from making any sudden moves.

He pulled me away from my car. “You’ll be coming with us.”

“Fine, but what about my car?” I asked.

“We’ll take care of that.” He nodded his head, then on command, his fellow officers opened up fire in unison on my poor defenseless car. Within seconds my beautiful classic was reduced to rubble.

“Haven’t you guys ever heard of a tow truck?” I questioned sarcastically. The officer answered me with a nasty blow to my stomach with his night stick. “No wise remarks.” That really hurt. Okay, maybe I wasn’t dealing with rational people here after all.

The officer and four of his large fellow officers gently shoved me face-first into the back of one of the hover craft. “If we hurry we’ll still be in time for Fora’s talk at the palace tonight,” one of them said.

Another officer turned to me, made a fist and said, “If we miss one minute of Fora’s talk because of you, you’re going to pay for it with blood and bones, wise-ass.” Okay, I definitely wasn’t dealing with normal people here. Lucky for me, I wasn’t a normal run-of-the-mill prisoner. My enhancers had totally blocked out the electro bracers’ inhibiting effects. I was quite free to move. But I figured I’d bide my time and take the free ride into Vegas, especially since at the present moment I was 50 meters above mother Earth. Once we got back on good solid ground I’d make my move. Once, of course, I thought of a move to make.

The police officer driving the craft was much better at landing the contraptions than I was. The landing went smoothly and easy, without a hitch. I planned to change that soon!

When my feet touched the ground my mind started racing with ideas. I went with the most obvious. I started to move my hand in just that right way that made my gun pop from its wrist holder. Unfortunately, before I could complete my move I was rudely interrupted by an electro stun gun blasting me full force in my side. A normal man would have been completely stunned by this. However, a normal man would not have been wearing my enhancers or body armor. I fell, but I was not out. My enhancers enabled me to partially neutralize the blast’s stunning effect. I never lost consciousness.

Nevertheless, before I could react two of the officers grabbed me and started dragging me off. My enhancers were almost on overload. Not only did they have to neutralize the bracers but now they had to fight the effects of the stun gun. I decided now was still not the time to fight. “Let’s toss him into the cell fast!” said one of the police officers.

“Yeah, we don’t want to miss a second of Fora’s talk. Glad we cops don’t have to wait in line.”

With that, they slammed me into a cell.

“We’re out of here,” they both said to each other as they rushed out the cell block door, giving each other high-fives.

I waited motionless for a moment. I wanted to make sure they were clear. When I was sure they had vacated the premises I stood up, not really much worse for the wear. Sure I was slightly beaten up, but it wasn’t the first time and I was reasonably certain it wouldn’t be the last.

I examined my cell. Very standard. Three solid cement-steel mixed walls, a light shower, a very unprivate toilet, a pop out slab that was suppose to be a bed, and no windows to the outside world. The fourth wall was a see-through force field “gate” that could be raised and lowered as the guards wanted. I walked over to touch it, expecting to feel a slight shock. I felt nothing. I gently prodded the general area again. Nothing. My hand actually passed through the spot where I thought the force field should be.

This was quite strange. I passed my hand through the area where I was sure the force beam would be emanating from. My hand did a nice neat wave. I did a little cautious jump. I jumped right out of the cage. The police had never turned the beam on. Were they in such a big hurry that they had forgotten to activate my cage? I started to walk towards the door that led out of the holding area. I reached for the open button. Then it occurred to me. Wasn’t this all much too easy? This could be a trap? Just an excuse for these crazy (no, not crazy, but controlled) cops to kill me? After a few seconds of deep deliberation, I concluded, nah, if these guys wanted me dead they would have just out and out killed me. Crazy people never need excuses to do anything.

So I popped my gun into my hand and opened the door and listened. I heard nothing. I cautiously went through it into the police station’s main head quarters. Ready for anything, but I found nothing. The station was totally abandoned. When Fora talked everybody listened.

I made a hasty exit from the police station. The streets of New Vegas were equally as empty as the police station. It was like walking through a very shiny, clean, ghost-town.

I figured that now it was time for me to see what made Fora such a popular speaker. I headed towards the palace. (It was easy to find, as every sign in New Vegas gave directions to it.) I saw no other signs of life until I got within 500 meters of the palace. That’s when I hit the line to end all lines. Everybody was trying to get in to see Fora talk. The line was so long that from where I was I could barely make out the huge video screen that was on top of the palace. I guessed the screen was there to let the unfortunates who couldn’t get in to see the live Fora still view the show. I didn’t come all this way to see a vid.

Never being a line person I started forward, cutting in. I ignored the crass complaints and the rude comments. When I got within 100 meters, so close that I could actually see the door, a big meat hook shaped like a hand grabbed me. This I couldn’t ignore.

“Hey buddy no butting in,” the face attached to the hand grumbled. “Yeah,” another voice joined in. “Let’s rip him apart!”

Yes sir, the natives were restless and out for blood. My blood. I, being quite found of my AB negative popped my gun into my hand. I followed this with a stomp on the instep of whoever was holding me. I spun around, pointing my gun at my assailant and the crowd. “Okay don’t move, or I’ll fill ya with lead.” I said in my meanest Eastwood-like voice.

The crowd looked at me with anger. The sight of my gun didn’t phase them. It seems hearing Fora was worth dying for. These people were just innocent puppets. I really didn’t want to fire. I didn’t really want to hurt any of them. I was supposed to be the good guy here. (Not to mention that I certainly didn’t have enough bullets to fight off an angry mob like this.)

The herd closed in on me. I took a deep breath. It was another of those no-win situations. It was a dead-end either way. I chose not to fire. They would eventually kill me anyhow. Why make the death count any higher than needed? It’s not like this wasn’t the making of Lethal Weapon 51.

Just as the crowd got close enough that I could hear their collective hearts beat, it happened. I got luckily. And as the saying goes, I’d rather be lucky than good. Luckily for me I happen to be both. “Hey, that’s Zach Johnson!!!” a happy voice rang out.

“Wow! Zach Johnson!!! He’s engaged to Fora’s sister. He’s practically related to her!”

With this slightly wrong but nevertheless quite useful revelation, the mass of crazed animals became a mass of crazed best-drinking buddies. They all started patting me on the back and asking all sorts of questions as they gently guided me to the front of the line.

“So what’s Fora’s favorite color? What’s her favorite food? What’s her favorite position? Who does Fora think will win the World Series? Does Ona snore? Is Twa as nasty as she seems? Will Fora run for leader of the world council? What kind of underwear do they wear? Do they were underwear? What’s Fora’s favorite HV show? How does she get her hair so purple? What book is Threa reading today?” I reached the door with my sanity barely intact.

“Mr. Johnson,” the guard at the door said, “we’ve been expecting you.”

“So much for the element of surprise,” I thought as the guard personally led me to my front-row seat. Well, if nothing else, I was going to have a good view of the show.

Chapter 20: Meeting

The lights went dim shortly after I nervously wiggled into my seat. A spot laser focused on the ceiling. There stood Fora in all her glory. She wore a long flowing white evening gown. She was like her sisters in at least one way: she made no efforts to hide her ample gifts. She started slowly floating down to the floor. As soon as she touched the ground the crowd that hushed at the first sight of her erupted with applause. She waved her hands and they stopped cold.

She walked near the front of the stage to where what I assumed were a few pieces of synthetic wood lay on the floor. She motioned upward with her arms and the pieces of wood formed into a podium. These were all neat tricks, if they were tricks. They were really scary if they weren’t tricks.

“Greeting, my loyal followers.”

She paused. The crowd answered with an eruption, “Greetings, Mistress Fora!!”

My mind was reeling again. She was blasting the audience with pheremones, plus she was also sending out strong overpowering thoughts.

I used my enhancers to scramble the neurons in my brain as much as a could and still remain coherent. Even doing this, it still took extreme effort not to think of Fora as being in total control of my every whim.

She gave her speech. “Credits and other worldly goods are bad. I am good. To prove yourselves worthy of my love you will give my most faithful followers all you have,” she fell silent.

That was her entire speech. Simple and to the point — the crowd loved it. They gave her an thunderous ovation.

The people standing in front of the stage started towards the audience. They were carrying computer terminals. A mousy-looking individual came to the person next to me.

“Give,” he ordered. I recognized the mouse. It was Manuel Ramirez the head of the Save the Cats Foundation. The person Manuel asked to give obediently reached into his pocket and pulled out his credit access card. He slipped the card into the terminal and transferred all his credits to Fora. He then started signing over his hover craft and his home.

I looked around the crowd. Those who had physical items such as jewelry or watches were putting them neatly into collection boxes that other devout followers were carrying around. For someone who didn’t like wealth, Fora was certainly accumulating a lot of it tonight.

If there was any little doubt remaining in my mind that Fora was behind the attempts on Ona, Twa, and Threa, this display shattered it. Fora was as money-hungry as the next individual! Hungrier!! Her sister’s trillions were obviously of interest to her! She just didn’t make it look that obvious. I pretty much solved the who and why part of the case. I couldn’t be certain of the how part. But a lady with Fora’s abilities could easily “convince” people to do things they wouldn’t necessarily do without her prompting. I was sure she somehow managed to slip all of her sisters poison. Their deaths would have given the foundation she secretly controlled access to all of their funds. Now, all I had to do was figure out a way to get out of here and contact Ona. I had done what I said I would. It was Ona’s problem now.

My hasty exit was halted by Manuel. “Give!” he commanded as he thrust the computer in my face.

I pushed the computer down away from me. “No thanks, I gave at the office.” I tried to walk past him to make a quick, discrete and quiet exit. Manuel blocked my path. “Give!” He re-commanded, shoving his computer in my face again. “Listen, buddy!” I said as I once again removed the computer from in front of my face. “I’m too poor to give. Now move it or lose it!” “You will give,” Manuel said as he reached around me, trying to get my credit card out of my back pocket. “I will not!” I responded. I reinforced the response with a quick jab to the face. Manuel crashed to the floor. The room fell silent, but only until the crowd figured out what happened. “There’s a non-believer in the crowd! A heretic!! Kill him!!” I backed off towards the stage. The crowd closed in on me in anger — this was starting to become a habit I had to break. They were ready to kill me. “Hold it!” I said as I reached into my pocket. “Maybe I should give a little something?”

“We will kill you, then you’ll give all!” shouted an angry voice from the back. The crowd rushed me. I said a little prayer.

“Stop!” Fora commanded. The crowd froze in place on Fora’s one word. It was as if they had all been transformed from people into department store mannequins. Fora levitated down from the stage to my level.

“Nice trick. Do you do parties?” I asked. It’s important that a good detective knows when he’s out of his league. But it’s more important that a good detective never lets on when he knows that he’s out of his league.

She smiled when she replied, “Only private ones, Zachary.” She was more like her sisters than she liked to admit. She looked at the paralyzed crowd, “You may move but do nothing rash.” The crowd reanimated.

“It was very nice of you to come Zachary. But I’m not quite ready for you yet. Besides, I can’t have you hurting my followers, now, can I? It’s bad for business. But you’re a businessman. I’m sure you know that.” She looked at Manuel, then continued, “He is an annoying little man, though. Isn’t he?”

“Please, master, let us kill him!” a voice begged from the crowd.

“No no,” she answered. “I don’t wish him dead yet, or he already would be.” She paused to let the “yet” sink in.

The follower was stubborn. “Please let us kill him?” he begged. I recognized the guy. He was the same huge person who almost stopped me from getting in. Fora looked at the man and sighed. “If you’re so anxious for a death then you may drop dead.”

The man, along with a few people directly behind him fell lifeless to the ground.

“Oops,” Fora said, as she shrugged her shoulders. “I should have been more specific with that command. Oh well, no great loss.”

She turned her attention back to me and continued as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, “Sorry about the little interruption, Zach. Followers can be so demanding sometimes.”

“Oh well,” I replied. “I guess you can’t always pick your mindless zombies.” “Exactly!” she said with a smile. “Now, it’s time for you to return to jail until I decide what I want to do with you.”

With that, almost on cue, the 4 officers I had had such fun with, along with 4 or 5 others grabbed me. Fora tweaked me on the cheek. “Just so you don’t give my friends here any problems.” She smashed her elbow into my face at great speed.

Chapter 21: Jail House Blues

When I came to, I was pretty sure it was the next morning. I was also certain that I was back in my jail cell. I looked around. I was definitely right about my last conclusion. I sat up. My head didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it should. Fora must have used more pheremones on me than force. On the bright side, I had cracked the case pretty much open. On the dark side, I suspected that this case went farther and deeper than anyone dared imagine. Fora was after more than just her sisters’ money. This even went deeper than revenge on a sister. I had the sneaking suspicion that Fora was the type of individual who wouldn’t be happy unless she was ruling the world. Sort of like a Hitler with a great body. Someone had to stop her. I figured I was as good of a choice as anyone. Except for the minor detail that I was in jail. Still, jail wasn’t too much of an obstacle the last time. I waved my hand where I thought the force field should be. This time I was unlucky enough to find it. The shock sent me flying back. It was not only on, it was set on extra-high power. I was not going to simply walk out this time.

It was time to reevaluate and check my assets. I went for my gun. I didn’t have it. This was bad. I looked at my wrists: my enhancers were still right where they should be. This was good. I was also wearing my watch. Not normally something to get excited about, but this wasn’t just a watch. It was also a vocal link to HARV.

“HARV, activate and come in,” I whispered softly.

After a couple of seconds that seemed like hours, “I’m here boss. What’s up?” “I’m in Vegas and I’m in jail.”

“Good job, boss. What did you do wrong now?”

“Nothing, HARV! I swear it. This entire province is under Fora’s control. She wants me out of the way. But for some reason she doesn’t want me dead.” “Women can be funny, boss.”

“Tell me something I don’t know, HARV.”

“How can I help?”

“I need you to get me out of here.”

“Ah boss, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m in New San Francisco and you’re in New Vegas. I can’t just unlock the door from here. Even if I had arms they wouldn’t be that long.”

“HARV,” I yelled in a voice much too loud for someone who is trying to be secretive. I paused and listened. I heard footsteps. Sure enough, it was a guard coming my way.

“Hey Johnson, who you talking to in there?” the guard asked as he approached. “Myself, okay? When I get lonely I talk to myself. Especially when I’m the only one around. Which I usually am when I’m lonely. By talking to myself I forget I’m alone; then I’m not so lonely anymore. Then I stop talking to myself. So I have to talk to myself to keep myself from talking to me.” It was complete gibberish.

“The guys are right. You are crazy. Hold it down in here, will ya? I’m trying to get some sleep out there. I’m off duty in a couple of hours,” he bellowed as he left the room.

Complete gibberish, but it worked! I had dazzled him with confusion. As soon as I heard the door close I continued my conversation with HARV. “Are you still there buddy?”

“Where else do think I’d be, boss? I’m a non-mobile unit, remember?” “Figure of speech, HARV.” Boy, he was in a snippy mood.

“Oh right. Gotcha. What can I do to get you out of there?”

“You have connections with computers in Nevada, correct?”

“Sure boss. You know we’re all netted together over the laslink.”

“Okay, I need you to have the computer that’s controlling the Vegas solar power plant to turn off for just a second.”

“Sorry boss, that will take more credits than I have access to.”

“Explain it to me, HARV.”

“Simple economics, boss. I’d have to bribe at least 2 systems before I even get to talk directly to the controlling computer. All in all, I would need somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 million credits in bribes. Your account has nowhere near that much. Need I say more?”

“Yes, you need to. Why so expensive?”

“It’s one thing to bribe a computer to let you peak at things. Nobody ever notices those type of things. But bribing a computer to go down for even a nanosecond: something like that is bound to get noticed. Especially when that computer is controlling generators for an entire province. Something like this can cost a programmer his or her or its job. In order to accept it they have to be given enough credits to keep them comfortable until people forget about their little indiscretion. It’ll be years until they get jobs again. Even then, they’ll probably only be able to function as consultants. There’s nothing worse for a real programmer to have to function as a consultant. So..”

“Okay, HARV, I get the point,” I interrupted. “Interface with Ona’s computer, explain the situation, and get us the credits we need.”

“Good idea, boss. Back in a jiff.”

In less than a second HARV was back on line with me. “Boss, are you there?” “Of course, I’m here HARV, I’m in jail. Remember?”

“Oh right,” HARV paused. I knew it wasn’t good news.

“What’s the story, HARV?” “Ona’s computer says no deal. It does not have the authorization to redirect her funds like that.”

I took a breath. If it was possible to hate a computer I was starting to hate this one. “Ask to talk directly to Ona.”

“I’m not stupid boss. I already did. Her computer said that Ona was much to busy too be worried about silly little things like a few million credits.”

“Did you explain my situation to it?”

“Yes, boss, I didn’t just roll off the assembly line.”

“How did it reply?”

“All it said was, and I quote: ‘good,’ “HARV paused for a moment. “Seems it doesn’t like you very much.”

“You don’t need a 1000 bit coprocessor to figure that out, HARV.” I thought for a second. “Listen, HARV, tell Mr. Computer that I can’t play chess if I’m in jail.” “Huh?”

“Just do it!”

Another pause for what seemed to be the longest second. Then HARV’s electronic voice chimed through my multi-functional watch, “It says that you can play in jail. I would just have to relay your moves to him and visa versa.”

“Tell him that I’m a human being and in order to play chess I need to be comfortable. I can’t be comfortable in a jail cell. Therefore I won’t play chess.” Another partial second of silence. “It wants to know if you’ll guarantee it a third day of the week.”

“Tell the damn machine that I will add every other Sunday to the list of days I’ll play.”

Less than a second of silence. “Okay, boss, I got the credits we need. How come you don’t play chess with me that much?”

“Because you’re too good for me HARV.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re no challenge.”

“Can we get back to business now, HARV?”

“Already on it. I am fully capable of multi-tasking, you know. As a matter of fact I’m even through to the main controlling computer. I have already ascertained that you have a problem.”

“Don’t keep me in suspense, buddy. What is it?”

“The police station has off-line backup systems. So when the main computer goes down the backups kick right in. It’s always important to have backups, you know. The backup systems are self-contained and have no real built-in intelligence. They exist only to turn on if power goes out. There’s no way I could talk these into going down.”

“Yes, I understand.” I thought for a little more. “How much time will I have?” “Less than a second. We machines are very fast to respond, you know.” “Well, it will have to do.”

“Boss!” I could have sworn HARV had emotion in his voice. “You do realize that if you are under the gate when it reactivates there’s a 99 percent chance you’ll be terminated in a fairly disgusting manner?”

“I’ll have to take that chance, HARV. Besides, I can use my enhancers to use my own electro magnetic current as a semi-shield.”

“You still have your enhancers?” This time I could have sworn HARV sounded surprised.

“Yep, told you this was strange.”

“Well, in that case there’s only a 70 percent chance of your termination.” HARV paused for a second. I figured he was making another calculation. He was. He finished the calculation then stated, “There is still a 87.981 percent chance of you receiving a serious injury.” He used a cold, calculating tone.

“Odds I’ll have to take.”

“Hope you don’t mind if I don’t bet on you.”

“No problem, HARV, I wouldn’t bet on me either. Of course I’m not a betting man.”

“Obviously, or you wouldn’t do this.”

“Okay, how long until your friend powers down?”

“Soon as you want, Zach. I suggest you say a little prayer first.” Sometimes the things HARV said really surprised me. A computer that believes in the power of prayer. What would technology come up with next? I said a little prayer (or perhaps “request” is a better word) that I would really appreciate any help from any divine being who happened to be watching.

“Okay HARV, ready when you are. By the way, if I don’t make it tell Electra that I love her. Heck, if I get killed she’ll probably be willing to talk to me again.” “Right Zach. On my mark, 100000, 99999…”

“Ah HARV,” I interrupted. “This is a joke. Correct?”

“Sorry, big boss man, just a little attempt at levity to help ease the tension and forget that you could be dead in a minute or two. Sorry if it wasn’t very funny. I am not programmed for humor, you know.”

Sometimes HARV really worried me. If I survived this I was going to have to have Randy check his chips. “Come on HARV, let’s go.”

“Okay, it’s your funeral. On my mark.” Another pause, then, “You’re sure of this?”

“HARV I know what you’re doing and I appreciate it. But I have to do what I have to do. It’s a flaw in my nature. Who knows how far Fora can go? With every second I delay, Ona is in greater danger. Not to mention the entire area of Nevada. No matter what happens make sure you connect Ona and tell her Fora is behind all her problems.”

“Sure, it’s the least I can do. Tell me when you’re ready.”

I took I deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready,” I said, hoping that that wouldn’t be the last breath of my life.

“Okay hero, on my mark. 10,9,8,7,6,5,” I activated my enhancers focusing the energy from my body outward. “4,3,2,1 go! Good luck.”

On “go” the lights went out. I propelled myself through the cage opening. Near as I could tell, when my body was about two-thirds of the way through the cage the backup generators activated. HARV was right. Computers are fast.

The beam from the cage met with the energy from my body. The resulting explosion hurled me up to the ceiling, then into the wall opposite the cage. Gravity helped me crumble to the ground. Either I was alive or the final resting place looked surprisingly like my jail cell in Vegas. Once again it seemed I had managed to survive. I only hoped that I wasn’t just delaying the inevitable.

The explosion also alerted my ever-alert guards that something was going on. The four that I had now unfortunately grown quite accustomed to came charging in. I played possum. Not that I really felt much like moving anyway.

“How the hell did this jerk get out here?”

“Now we’re going to miss part of Fora’s vid replay on HV.”

“Let’s blow the bastard away.”

“Fora will be mad. She wants him alive. At least for now.”

“What if we say he committed suicide and did himself in with his own fancy gun.” My eyes were still closed, but I had a strong feeling that one of the officers had just produced my gun. I heard a familiar click.

“Say good bye, Mr. private eye,” a voice chuckled from the direct of the click, obviously not waiting for the others to voice their opinions.

I had heard enough. If the officer some how managed to fire the heavy-duty splitting bullets in my gun would not only blow me to bits but they would also surely kill a couple of the officers who were standing near me. It was times like these when I was glad Randy had built a vocal safety into my gun.

My timing had to be perfect. “Gun smoke screen!” I quickly shouted. The officer pulled the trigger. Instead of the standard bullets my trusty gun fired a cloud of smoke. The officers were confused. I was happy. I was lucky that Randy liked to make constant improvements on my gun. Being on the floor under the smoke I also had a much clearer view of the situation than they did. I knew I had to react fast. “Gun shock, ” I yelled.

I heard, “Damn!!! What the hell was that!!” come from the same direction as the smoke had come from. I heard a pleasing clunk. It was the clunk of my gun landing on the floor after it had given the officer that was holding it the shock of his life.

I quickly deduced where my four intended victims were. I turned off my stomach and into a crab position. From the ground, I shuffled across the floor and kicked out the knees of my two closest adversaries. They were close enough together so I could get them both in two quick jabs with the same leg. Next, I stood up for a second and spun to meet the third. I caught him square in the jaw with a right cross. I dove back to the floor in the general direction of my gun. I slid. I felt a familiar metal object touch my hand. I closed my hand around it. I picked up my gun. The smoke cloud was now starting to fill the entire room, but I managed to catch a glimpse of the remaining officer’s mid section.

I jabbed forward and “slightly low” with the butt of my gun with all my strength. Once again I hit my intended mark. The officer doubled over with a high pitched “ooof.”

I stood up and went through the door the officers had so carelessly left open. I entered the main office.

I wasn’t sure what I would find.

It was totally abandoned.

Why not? I figured. Since Fora had control over all of Vegas she had totally eliminated crime. Therefore no need for police — except for the few winners she had assigned to look over me.

I looked though the window into the cell room. The ventilation system was neatly clearing away the smoke from my gun. I drew my gun and reentered the cell block. Three of the four of my police friends were still in pain. All four of them were in disarray. I surmised that when Fora zapped a mind into her control it had a tough time adjusting to situations that deviated from the norm. Much like the problems experienced by the early “intelligent” computers. I pointed my gun in their general direction, “Okay you guys. Slowly toss your weapons to the floor, then crawl into cell one.”

The two whom I had kicked in the knees quickly obliged. They were in no shape to argue. The one who I had sort of “kneed” was still on the ground in considerable pain. He’d be no problem. I could easily roll him into the cell. The forth, the one I had punched in the jaw, the one who had initially “arrested” me still had lots of fight left in him. My punch had only made him mad. He was 2 or 3 centimeters bigger than me, plus he had at least 15 kilos on me. I could never put him out with one non-enhanced punch. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hit him with an enhanced punch as my enhancers had to bear much of the explosion. They kept me alive, but now they and my brain where both going to need time in order to recharge.

If he attacked me, I would once again have to fight him unenhanced mano to mano. As much as that possibility didn’t exactly excite me, the other was worse. He still had his laser holstered at his side. If he was stupid enough to go for it I would have to blow him away.

He was itching to draw: I could feel it clear down to my toe nails. Fortunately, I remembered another little feature Randy had recently added to my gun. “Gun, load glue capsule,” I yelled. I fired at the fourth officer just as he had reached for his laser. Much to my relief, instead of splattering the officer all over the wall the glue from the capsule had splattered all over the officer. The force of the blow knocked him down; the glue covered him, making sure he was going to stay there for a while. I kicked his laser well out of reach. To finalize things, I rolled the remaining officer into the cell. I didn’t bother to disarm him. Neither he or his fellow officers were for the moment in any shape to be stupid enough to try something. Once I activated the force field I knew the officers wouldn’t be silly enough to try to fire a laser into it. If they wanted to use it to cut through the wall, fine. The walls were all at least a meter thick. It would take a hand laser a good part of a day and a couple of recharges to cut a man-sized hole in one.

I slowly backed away, not taking my eyes off the cell mates, just in case. I fiddled with the cell controls until the door to the cell they were in activated. I left the police station a happy man.

Chapter 22: Free At last Free At last!

Now that I was free I had decisions to make. What would be my next course of action? I could simply go home and let Ona take it from here. It would then be her problem and the province of Nevada’s from there. My second course of action would be to seek out and confront Fora one on one mano to mana.

Both courses had potential pitfalls. The problems with the first course were that I had no easy means to get home. Also, all of Nevada seemed to be under Fora’s control. The longer it took someone to stop her the more difficult it would be for someone to stop her. The problems with the second course were that I didn’t know where Fora might be and that in our next meeting she could quite possibly kill me. Being a private dick, I chose the second course, as any good dick would have. After all, detectives are supposed to find people, that’s their job, and the chance of death only makes the job more interesting.

I started to wonder, why I chose this line of work? Then I remembered that it was probably that I like snooping into other people’s business and actually getting paid good credits for it.

Then I remembered HARV. “Are you still with me, HARV?” I said into my vocal wrist relay.

“The operative question is: are you still with us? Since I’ll assume that ghosts cannot or at least need not communicate via modem with a computer I deduce that you survived,” came HARV’s rather long winded reply.

“Right as always, or at least 99 percent of the time, HARV.” I delayed a little to let him think about that 1 percent for a second. Knowing that in that second he would be making millions of calculations that would be driving him crazy as he tried to analyze if he really was wrong a whopping 1 percent of the time.

I continued before he could respond with his results. “I’m going to try to find Fora now. Have you contacted Ona yet?”

“Nope, she’s not taking calls. You’re right, her computer is annoying. Do you want me to put her through to you when I finally get through to her?”

“No, no that will only complicate things. Just keep her informed of my status.”

“Right, boss. For your information I did a scan for Fora’s residence and it came back nil.”

“I’m not surprised at all by that one, HARV.”

“I could run a few deeper-levels scans, but they’ll cost ya.”

“No thanks HARV. I’m already losing too much money on this case as it is.” “You should have had Ona pick up expenses,” HARV lectured. “I know. I didn’t anticipate running up these kinds of expenses. Plus, I felt kind of guilty about charging her expenses. I mean, I’m already charging her more than twice my normal rate.”

HARV paused for a moment. “You mean you actually have a conscience?” “Fraid so HARV, don’t let my agent find out, though.”

“Don’t worry,” HARV laughed as only a computer could, “agents have no idea what consciences are.”

“Good point.” Sometimes HARV scared me with the things he came up with. “As always.”

“As 99 percent of the time,” I corrected.

“Do you want me to ask Ona’s computer if it will foot the bill for another search?” HARV suggested.

“No, I don’t feel like spending my entire life playing chess with the stupid thing. Besides, for all we know Fora’s address isn’t in any database. I’m going to look for it the old-fashioned way: on foot and with questions. Just carry out your earlier instructions, okay buddy? As, always don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

“Gotcha.” With that HARV signed off.

Not having any idea where Fora resided I decided the best course of action would be to return to where I had last seen her: the Vegas Palace. She would be giving another little talk tonight. Surely she would have “followers” there making preparations. Maybe one of these followers could give me the information I needed. Or, at the very least point me in the right direction.

Not wanting to be readily identified as Zachary Nixion Johnson, ace private eye, boy friend of sister Ona and person who disturbed last night’s talk, I decided a disguise would be not only appropriate but also loads of fun. I went back into the semi-abandoned police station. I entered the locker room and found the clothing computer. I switched it on. “State name.”

“Zachary Nixion Johnson.”

A moment of silence. “Sorry, that name does not register on current police roster.”

“Yes I know. I’m a new recruit.”

“Nobody informed me of a new recruit!” A slight pause. “Nobody ever tells me anything! The uniform machine is always the last to know!! Just cause I’m not out there hunting down bad guys, they think they don’t need to tell me anything!! You know, I do my job day in day out but nobody seems to care. They never notice how soft and clean I keep their uniforms. I bet you never considered how much more difficult it would be to catch bad guys if you had too much starch in your pants?” It finally stopped talking and waited for my reply.

“Yes, as a matter of fact I have considered the importance of a clean soft uniform in police work. I was thinking about doing my master’s thesis on it.” Okay, so I lied.

“Wow, you certainly are more intelligent than the average human! Please step into my booth and place feet over the markers facing screen.”

As soon as I complied, I was bathed by a smooth light.

“Measurements taken, please exit booth.” I stepped out to be greeted by a robot arm holding a nice new fancy police uniform. “Please try it on.” I put it on. It was nice and soft with just the right amount of starch.

“Please enter booth so fine adjustments can be made.”

“That’s fine, computer. This fits quite nicely.”

“Sir,” I could have sworn the computer sounded mad. “You above all people should know the importance of a proper-fitting uniform. Please step in and place your feet on the markers!”

I sighed and reentered the booth. The light bathed me again. After the scan was completed, a little surgical laser popped out of the bottom of the machine and melted off a little excess material I had around my legs. “Do not worry,” the computer reassured me, “this laser has sensors to detect skin.”

The light bathed me again. “Perfect fit. You may exit booth now.”

I did. A mirror came down in front of me. “Well?” the computer asked. I admired the fit. “The bad guys don’t have a chance now, do they computer?” “No sir, not at all! You look quite dashing.”

“Thanks computer, I’d love to stay and chat, to see if you think super-mini skirts or see-through tops are coming back. Maybe another time.”

I left figuring I had made a new electronic friend. Obtaining a uniform had turned out to be easier than expected. I just hoped that the difficulty in finding Fora wasn’t going to more than compensate for this.

The line for Fora’s concert was 100 meters long when I reached it, despite the fact that it was still a good 12 hours to the concert. The crowd let me pass unchallenged. None of them seemed to find it odd that a policeman would be badgeless and wearing tennis shoes.

The former I could do nothing about. The latter was due to my own stupidity. I had heard the uniform computer calling to me about something I had forgotten, but I had chosen to ignore it. I hoped my haste wouldn’t prove fatal. I reassured myself by telling myself that I, as a trained sleuth, would notice little discrepancies such as these; however, the average Joe or Jane on the street would think nothing of them. So far my reassurance had proved to be both ego lifting and correct.

I reached the front entrance. A big brawny security man blocked the way. This guy looked very much like the mutant that Captain Rickey and his men had saved me from only a couple of days ago, proving that people would clone anything these days.

“Nobody but Fora’s personal staff gets in before show time!” it growled. “Well, what do you know?” I thought. “It can talk. Probably another miracle of science.”

“Officer Nixion here. Just to double check on security.” I used my middle name, just so I wouldn’t tip him off.

The stocky fellow wasn’t as stupid as he looked. “Security is fine,” he snarled. “We need no help. Everybody loves Fora. Only security she needs is to keep people like you out before she’s ready.”

“Come come, my good mutan-I mean man. Nobody is ever too secure. For example, what would you do if some slimeball pulled a laser on you?”

“No problem. I’m wearing laser padding. After the shot bounces off I break the sucker into multiple pieces.” He accentuated his last statement with a little push. “Just to be more hypothetical, just suppose some stupid sucker pulled an old-fashioned gun on you.”

He just smiled as if to say ‘try me’. To accentuate my point I popped my gun into my hand. “And just suppose this old-fashioned gun was loaded with heavy-duty armor-piecing bullets?” I semi-hypothesized as I put the gun up to his head.

His smile turned upside down.

To further accentuate my point I said, “I know it’s going to be hard, but don’t try anything stupid now. With the bullets in this gun I only have to be in the same time zone as you to blow you away. Now let’s go in together. Nice and slow now.” I motioned forward with my head.

He backed into the door. I followed at gun point. “Close the door, please,” I politely asked.

“Door close,” he politely complied. There is something about a gun that brings out the best in some folks.

I pushed him further into the room. “Gun, sleep dart, full power,” I said. He just looked confused.

I fired. The dart hit him straight in the head. He staggered. He looked confused again. He lunged for me. I side stepped him. He fell into a big ugly heap. The force of his crash probably registered around 4.12 on the Improved Richter scale. I was impressed. That dart packed enough sleep juice to stop a rhino in its tracks. My large friend had fared fairly better. But of course, fairly better was not nearly good enough.

On the down side, though, now all my non-lethal bullets were gone. From now on when I fired it would have to be for keeps. HARV had forgotten to warn me to bring refills.

I proceeded to the stage were I saw a couple of Joes: a tall one and a short one. They were both very diligently working on or at a control panel. They were so intent on their work that they hadn’t even noticed my little altercation with the guard. I walked up behind them and cleared my throat. They turned around.

“What the hell do you….” shot the short one who had a short temper. His words stopped and his anger gave way to fear when he noticed the gun in my hand. “Security check. You guys fail. ‘Fraid I’m going to have to close the whole place down,” I said. The taller one was much braver. “What’s the meaning of this? You have no right to stop us.”

“Of course I have the right, bozo. I’m a cop.” I pointed to my uniform with my free hand. “See.”

The taller one was also sharper, “A cop with sneakers?” he questioned. “Hey, bad guys are fast. If you want to catch them you have to be faster.”

I looked around the room. “You guys are in violation of every safety code in the book. So I’m going to throw the book at you and then book you two.”

“You can’t do that!” shouted the short one.

“Sure I can,” I replied. “I’m a cop. Remember?”

“You’re no cop.” The taller one was definitely the smarter one. I shrugged. “Maybe not, but I do have a gun.” The tall one stayed calm. “Now now, I’m sure we can work this all out. Let me just allow you talk to the boss: the great Fora herself.” He moved his arm.

“Yo, not so fast,” I ordered, training the gun on his mid-section and locking the laser sight on him just so he knew I had him if I wanted him.

He was a cool customer. He moved his wrist slowly to reveal to me that he had a mini-view-phone on his arm. “I’m just going to call our boss. And let her talk to you,” he stated harmlessly.

“Fine, go ahead. I’m a fair man. I’ll listen,” I replied just as harmlessly. I watched him dial the number. I heard the incoming call buzz. I made a hasty exit. I didn’t want to risk hearing Fora’s voice. With my enhancers on low I didn’t know if I could resist her. I couldn’t take the chance. I had succeeded in doing what I had wanted. “HARV come in,” I said as I hit the street. “Yeah, boss?” “There was a call just made from a portable view phone in the Palace. Hook up with the communication satellite and get me the address of the phone that received the call.”

“It’ll take a while.”

“I’ve got the time, HARV.” I continued walking past the throngs of people. HARV beeped me back.

“Talk, HARV.”

“The call went to 1 QUAYLE avenue. Right there just a little outside of Vegas. It’s the headquarters for the Save The Cats Foundation.”

“I figured it would be. If I didn’t get any info out of Fora’s help, that would have been my next stop anyway. How far away is it?”

“Look at your watch.”

The display on my watch changed to a map of the city. “You are here.” A red light started to flash on the display. “You want to go here.” The screen scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled. Finally a green light started to flash. “Distance between current location and destination 10 K.”

“Quite a walk. Looks like my heart will be in good shape after this.”

“I’ve taken the liberty of ordering you a ride, Zach.”

“HARV, the town’s a ghost town! Everybody is either at the palace waiting for Fora or at home watching replays of her.”

Less then a second after that last statement a hover taxi appeared. “Hey Mac,” the driver yelled to me, “You the fellow who called for a lift?”

HARV’s voice came through my vocal modem, “I just had to offer 5 times the normal rate.”

“Thanks HARV,” I said as I acknowledged the driver. “You realize this is probably a set up,” I discreetly told HARV as I walked toward the cab.

“I figured you wouldn’t want it any other way,” came HARV’s response. I jumped into the cab.

I knew it was a trap but I was too lazy to explore other options, “Save the Cats Foundation, please,” I requested.

“Gotcha, Mac.” The driver took off at what felt like near light speed. I shot back into my seat and held on for dear life. This guy drove almost as crazy as Ona. As we flew he bombarded me with questions, questions that he answered before I had a chance to respond. “Who do you like in the series, Mac? I like the Rockies. After all these years I think they’re due. Come on now, 60 years and they haven’t won a series. Gees, almost as bad as the freaking Cubs. Been to the flicks lately? I just saw Police Academy 75. I don’t know buddy, I think they should have stopped it with 61. Think they’ll ever have a machine on the world council? If they do, that will be the beginning of the end of it. Yes sir, we already rely too much on the damn machines. All we need is to put them in a position of authority. Might as well turn the whole damn planet over to ‘em.”

He was numbing my mind. I almost didn’t hear him when he said, “There’s the Save The Cats building about a k up the road.” I started to think that this might not be a setup after all.

I did notice, though, when he stood up from his seat. He turned to me, waved and said, “Bye bye, sucker.” He really emphasized the sucker. He pressed a button on his belt and the little jet pack he had been secretly wearing jettisoned his smiling chubby body out of the hover craft.

I also couldn’t help but to notice that the craft was heading towards the ground at breakneck (and most other important things) speed. I jumped to the control panel and pressed the “up” button. Nothing happened. I pressed it again and again. Still with the same result: nothing. The driver had jammed it. It was a trap after all. It was a damn good trap.

My mind raced over possible courses of action. Before I could choose one, I felt myself being pulled out of the hover craft. The pull wasn’t from centrifugal force; it was an unnatural pull. It pulled me up and I kept going, defying gravity. It was some sort of anti-grav beam. It was sucking me into an alien shuttle that had been hovering unnoticed above us. I had been saved, at least for the time being.

Chapter 23: Weird Encounter….

I was greeted in the shuttle by 3 beings: no hair, eyes that were twice the size of human eyes, noses that were half the size of even a petite human nose - - I recognized that they were Gladians. One I could tell was a female. The other two were either males or poorly endowed females. I chose to believe the former. No thumbs, four fingers on their left hands, three fingers on their right. They were from Glad-7, the same planet where Fora had hidden her wealth. Coincidence? I thought not.

“Thanks,” I said. “I needed that.”

They looked at me even more confused than most do. Their confusion confused me. One of them was pointing at a terminal that was positioned between us. Then it occurred to me that they being from another planet probably didn’t speak English. I looked at the terminal. It had two screens and two keyboards. One of the keyboards contained symbols from most Earth alphabets. The other keyboard contained alien symbols.

“Ah,” I said as I sat by the terminal that had the familiar letters on it, “a translator terminal. Inexpensive yet practical. How Glad-7ish of you.” I typed: THANKS I NEEDED THAT.

One of the men sat down at the opposite terminal. The message: YOU’RE WELCOME appeared on my screen.

WHAT’S THIS ALL ABOUT? I questioned.

The response was: ????

Oops. I cursed myself for never taking a typing course. I slowly typed: WHAT’S THIS ALL -ABOUT-? The system must not have had a very good error checker.

The reply was simple: YOU MUST STOP FORA!

I played dumb: WHAT’S IT TO YOU FOLKS?

No response. I tried again: HEY COME ON WE’RE ON THE SAME SIDE HERE.

They talked amongst themselves for a minute. Their language vaguely reminded me of the sound of old-fashioned cash registers made when opening and closing. I was pretty sure I was only imagining this. After all, I hadn’t heard a cash register in over 20 years.

Finally a reply: SHE HAS INVESTED HEAVILY IN OUR PLANET. IF SHE RECEIVES MORE MONEY SHE WILL HAVE CONTROLLING INTEREST IN OUR PLANET WE DO NOT WISH THIS.

Now it was getting interesting: WHY DON’T YOU JUST SAY NO TO HER? SHE IS VERY POWERFUL AND PERSUASIVE. WE DO NOT WISH TO ANGER HER.

SO YOU WANT YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO? I asked electronically. ???????? WE JUST WANT HER STOPPED ANYWAY POSSIBLE. WE STRESS THE ANYWAY.

I looked at the message carefully. It was very clear what they wanted. Either you loved Fora or you wanted her dead.

I questioned them some more: WHY NOT DO IT YOURSELVES?

WE ARE A NON-VIOLENT PEOPLE. SO WE UNFORTUNATELY HAVE NO OFFENSIVE WEAPONS.

WELL I’M GOING TO DO MY BEST: I answered.

The reply was a bit surprising: YOU HAVE SIX OF YOUR EARTH HOURS. UNTIL WHAT? YOU HAVE NO OFFENSIVE WEAPONS. REMEMBER? I answered then asked.

A pause. Then an answer: WE HAVE NO TRUE WEAPONS BUT WE CAN IMPROVISE IF NEEDED. I responded: PLEASE DEFINE IMPROVISE. Another pause. Then a strange equation filled my screen: MOTHER SHIP === METEORITE===BOOM! I think I had the general idea what this meant. I looked up. All three had what I determined were smiles on their faces. These were ‘yes we’re dead-serious’ type smiles. Yep, I knew what this meant, all right.

I swallowed hard. The stakes just kept getting higher and higher here. I entered my last message: TIME’S A WASTING. LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD. PLEASE PUT ME DOWN NEAR THE SAVE THE CATS BUILDING.

Chapter 24: The Visit and A Friendly Chat

The grounds of the Save Cats Foundation were, not surprisingly, quite plain and simple. It didn’t even have a fence or a noticeable alarm system. Seems Fora and friends didn’t mind company. The building was an old extremely large house dating back at least 200 years: very regal and elegant complete, with white pillars. There was even a nicely manicured little path leading right to the front door. The area’s only unusual feature was that the grounds were covered with stuffed trophies of the great cats: lions, tigers and leopards.

About halfway to the house I started to think how strange it was that a building dedicated to the preservation of feline life would have stuffed felines all over the grounds. About the same time I started to hear footsteps. They were coming from behind, in what seemed to be groups of four.

I popped my gun into my hand. I spun around. (I had learned from past experiences never to try to execute both maneuvers at once.) The lions and tigers and leopards had come to life. They were stalking me. To be more exact, they had stalked me: now they were surrounding me.

They slowly inched in for the kill. If things worked out perfectly for me, I might be able to take them all out. But it would take a lot of luck for the animals to position themselves just right so I could get more than one with each shot. It would also take a lot of skill to pull it off. I doubted I had that much of either.

They drew closer.

I let them. The closer the better. The trick was not letting them get too close. The real tough part of that trick was figuring out just exactly where “just right” was. Just as they prepared for lunch and I prepared to pull the trigger, a voice from the building shouted, “Stop, my pets!”

The animals froze in their tracks. I had seen this trick and heard that voice before. It was Fora.

I turned to look at her in the doorway. “I see you’ve met my pets,” she said. I pointed my gun at her. “What stops me from blowing you away right now?” I boldly questioned.

“One: you’re not a cold-blooded killer. Two: you can’t be sure your bullets will do anything besides make me real angry. Three: if perchance something did happen to me, my pets would unfreeze and rip you limb from limb. Now why not be a smart fellow and come in for some tea?”

Being that I was a smart fellow, I took her advice and her offer.

Fora led me into a large sitting room. We were greeted there by the ever mousy looking and acting Manuel.

Fora looked at him. “Bring us some tea. Not that synthesized stuff, the real thing!” she ordered. She looked at me. “I have a friend in The Province of the Peoples Republic who grows it for me specially.” She motioned for me to sit down. I obeyed. After all, I was her guest. She sat down right next to me, practically in my lap, “So Mr. Johnson, why do you insist on haunting me like this?”

I was stone cold. “I have my reasons.” A good detective never gives out more info then he has or wants to.

She laughed. “So my sister Ona sent you. How sweet sending a man to do a woman’s job. I knew Ona didn’t have the guts to face me in person: woman to girl.” “When you’re as rich as Ona you don’t even have to sleep in person,” I retorted. “So why should she bother cleaning up the trash? Especially when my garbage collection fees are so reasonable.” It was another one of my famous calculated risks but I really didn’t have much to lose.

Fora started to boil. She obviously didn’t like being compared to trash, not that anybody would.

Just as Fora was about to explode, Manuel had the misfortune of entering the room with the tea. “Your tea, Madam,” he offered.

Fora glared at the tray that was holding the cups and the pot. The cups crumbled into little pieces and the pot just melted into a heap.

I tried not to show how impressed I was. “Very nice. I really think you should try to bring back vaudeville.”

Fora got right in my face. “You’re nothing!” she blared. “Do you understand that? I could kill you with less than a thought.”

She pulled her arm back as if to strike me with a killing blow. I got ready to go for my gun.

She stopped. So did I.

She glared at me. “No, I won’t waste even a calorie of energy killing scum like you!” she growled. I guessed turn-about was fair play. I had called her garbage so it was only fitting that she would call me scum.

She turned to Manuel, “You kill him. I’ll be down in the basement making final preparations.” Manuel and I both smiled as she stormed out.

Manuel made the first move. He walked towards a couple of swords that were mounted over a fireplace. I hadn’t noticed these before. I made a mental note to myself that in the future I would have to more observant. If I ever ran into a real opponent a mental miss like that could kill me.

Manuel removed the swords from their plaque. “Do you fence, Mr. Johnson?” “Not since I started to walk on my own,” I retorted.

He wasn’t amused. I thought that it was really too bad that nobody seemed to have a sense of humor these days. Manuel made a few slashing moments with the sword he had chosen, “Too bad. I love a good challenge.”

I popped my trusty gun into my hand and focused the laser sight on him. “Good,” I said. “Looks like you have one.”

He examined the gun in my hand and then looked at the sword in his. “Fool,” he shouted. “You fire that gun and Lady Fora will be up here in a second.”

“So? Seems like the only choice I get is: who gets to kill me. Nothing personal but I prefer Fora. After all, she does have that to-die-for body.”

He just stood there. My point had been driven home.

“Now Manuel, you also have options here,” I stated. “You can stay here and die,” I pointed to the front door, “or you can run away now.”

He dropped the swords to the floor and made a hasty retreat to the door. On the way out I heard him rationalize, “I’m sure Miss Fora would prefer to kill you in person anyway.”

“It’s just so hard to get good help these days,” I thought.

Chapter 25: Lion’s Den

I entered the basement of the Save The Cats foundation knowing (or at least hoping) that this would be it. The final showdown between myself and Fora Thompson. She had turned Nevada into a province of mental zombies (not that there was much of a difference anyway). I used my finally recharged enhancer bracelets to really speed up the synapses in my mind as much as I could. I knew if my mind was darting all over the place she’d have a harder time controlling it. The basement was very large, but fairly empty. There were a few high-tech looking gadgets cluttered about but not much else, except for Fora, who was sitting in the middle of the room at a huge grand piano. She was dressed in a fancy tux, like a concert pianist, with the notable exception that her suit featured her ample bosoms and was split to reveal her shapely legs. Plus, I was pretty certain that most concert pianist’s suits had sleeves. She was playing some tune on the piano.

She looked up. “Do you like Mozart, Mr. Johnson?” She didn’t look at all surprised to see me. It was as if she was expecting me to escape from mousy Manuel. “I’m not really a fan of preclassical music,” I responded. “I like the classical guys like the Beatles and Beach Boys.”

“Oh,” she said. “I thought I read some where that you were an expert on the subject.”

“Afraid not. That was just a PR ploy by my agent. He thought the pubic would expect a private eye to be an expert on stuff like that. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he had private eyes and secret agents confused.” I was glad to see that Fora had calmed down some.

“Ah yes,” she said as her big purple eyes lit up. “That James what’s-his-name fellow would have known the tune right away.”

“I’m glad you could come down,” she continued, changing stride without breaking stride.

“It’s nice to feel wanted,” I said as I moved my wrist ever so slightly in just the right way to make my trusty Colt 45 pop into my hand. It was time to end this once and for all. Amenities were nice, but I was the dealing with one of the most dangerous beings in the universe here. The lady had rather easily taken over a whole province. I thought my gun in my hand might help tip the scales a little more towards my favor, especially since I was still packing some heavy-armor-destroying bullets. Nothing happened!

I tried again. Still no gun.

“I’m telekinetically locking your cute little toy in your holster,” she said as she continued to play. “I’d hate to have you hurt yourself with it.”

“Thanks.” I was trying to sound as cynical as possible.

“So, it was you all along! Make the sisters kill off each other and you walk away with all the money uncontested. Just for you.”

She smiled. Not even those perfect teeth could hide the evilness in the smile. “I’m glad I made Ona hire you.”

“What?” I questioned, trying unsuccessfully to hold back my surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“I knew you’d make this whole adventure quite entertaining. So I sent her a mental command that she should hire you. I saw your ad on the HV and thought you’d be perfect. I can’t directly control my dear sisters from afar, like I did Ona’s nanny and the android and everybody else who tried to kill you. But I can put little thoughts in their little heads.”

I was, to say the least upset! I hate being used, even at the rate of 10,000 credits a day. “So you killed the nanny?” I said, hoping HARV had the good sense to be recording all this. I was also trying to hold back the fact that I was really upset at being a pawn.

“That’s right . Zach you were a pawn.”

“Hey, no fair, I was thinking that.”

“Your mind is a fairly open book to me, though that device you wear does make it much harder for me than normal. Still, when you get emotional, your thoughts ring out loud and clear.”

“Even the lowliest pawn can have an ace up his sleeve!” I quickly retorted. Yes, it was a mixed metaphor but I was hoping it would distract her for a second. “Oh, my sisters.” She shrugged. “You might as well come in now ladies. I’ve confessed to my crimes. Come bring me to justice. I delayed and delayed until you could get here. I knew little Zach here had his computer signal for you the second he figured out where I was.”

Okay, so she knew about the aces up my sleeves. I still had her outnumbered 3 to 1. Pretty good odds. I just hoped it would be enough.

Ona, Twa and Threa exploded into the room. They were not happy campers! “So, little sister?” Ona said angrily. “It was you all along! We should have known the innocent act was only an act.”

The three approached the one as Ona continued her speech. “You were trying to pit us against each other so you’d end up getting the money.”

Fora didn’t back off. She seemed rather bored by the whole thing. “You’re half right, sisters. I’m glad you’re here to witness my victory,” she said. Then she flashed that smile again.

That was all the sisters could take. They leapt at her at once as one. Unfortunately, they all seemed to be moving in super slow motion, except, of course, for Fora who was moving at super-fast forward.

“I can’t out-and-out control you sisters.” She said as she punched Ona square in the face. “But I can send you mental commands that slow down your nervous systems just enough that I can pound away at you.”

The fight was short and bitter for my side. The three between them might have landed, oh, no punches. Fora for her part only landed six punches: a right and left to the head of each of the sisters. Not a very colorful or original style — but effective. Within less than a minute all three sisters lay out cold at Fora’s feet. She shook her head. “Poor sisters. You should have concentrated on using your powers on what they could make you, not what they could give you.”

Why do the bad guys always have to try to be poetic?

“So what happens now?” I asked, not really wanting to hear the answer. She walked towards me. “Now that all the players are here, Mr. Johnson, I must prepare for the final act. You therefore must take a little nap.” Now she was being formal and poetic.

She looked perplexed as I stayed awake. That smile again. “Ah, yes, those funny bands make you somewhat resistant to my charms,” she said as she walked closer.

She got within less then a meter and stretched out her body straight up. “This move should relax both of us,” she said, blasting me with pheremones from her sweaty body. The room started to spin. She was bombarding me with pheremones and mental blasts. I fought to stay up. I really didn’t feel like joining Fora’s sisters at her feet.

“Nighty night,” she calmly said. The room hit me in the face.

Chapter 26: Rude Awakening

I woke up in the same spot I had fallen “asleep” in. The sisters, though, had been moved. They were now each in their own private little force field prisons along the wall. Obviously Fora thought of her sisters as more of a threat than me. “Good, you’re awake!” She beamed, quite pleased with herself. “Now we can start.” I got up slowly, head spinning from a combined pheremone mental blast. I motioned for my gun again. Nothing happened. I knew nothing would. I had to try. My agent would have been proud of me.

“This is about more than money, isn’t it, Fora?” I asked. “Very astute, Mr. Johnson.” She flashed that smile again.

I was on to something here. I just couldn’t be sure of what. The list of possible choices was long. Was it jealousy? Was it revenge? Was she on some sort of crusade? Or was she simply crazy? Or was it some combination of all of them? She pressed down a key of the piano. It was the key on the end, the one that always makes that kind of hollow sort of sound. On other pianos I was never quite sure of what practical use that end key had. This end key had a function though. Instead of producing a hollow clunk when she pressed it, it produced a high-tech beep, followed by a flash of light. The light revealed a strange device in the middle of the piano that must have been previously cloaked from our view.

I looked carefully at the device. I had seen something like this before at the Smithsonian. Yes, it was an old fashioned 2-D TV. Connected to the TV was an old analog clock. The two were connected to the piano via beams of energy. This was certainly a lot of melodrama for an old TV, a clock, and a funny piano, I thought. Then one of the sisters —I think it was Ona gasped, “Daddy’s DEVICE!” “Are you crazy?” another sister, probably Twa, yelled.

“Just great,” I thought. There’s nothing that makes a crazy person angrier than being accused of being crazy.

“I am very sane,” Fora said in that manner that crazy people always use. “It is you and the rest of the universe that is insane. I mean to fix that.”

“So the money was just a distraction?” I questioned.

She used that smile again. “Yes, you are quite intelligent, Zach. Mind if call you Zach?”

Well, what do you know, she wasn’t a greedy zealot after all. She was just a crazy zealot! Not only had I been used but I had been used for something completely different than I thought I was being used for. I was not a happy camper! This case had started in a valley and was steadily going downhill fast!

Fora continued, “Money means nothing to me. I don’t need their money! I can get all the money I need from my ‘followers’.” She paused to build anticipation then, continued. She reminded me of an attention-starved actor doing Hamlet. “Poor daddy died not ever seeing his device built. Money didn’t mean anything to daddy either. He only accepted it because of you.” She pointed to the sisters very melodramatically. Bad guys always had to be melodramatic. That’s why Bob Newhart never could get any bad guy roles.

Fora was on a roll now. “I wanted to build Daddy’s Device. But I knew if you people suspected what I was doing you’d try to stop me. So I created a distraction. A rather entertaining one at that. “

She paused for a moment. “I knew Zach here would keep you busy long enough for me to put the finishing touches on my project. I tossed a few little obstacles in his tracks just to amuse myself and to slow him down just the right amount. Then, when I was ready, he would lead you all here so you could witness Daddy’s crowning achievement.”

“Fool,” Ona shot back.

“Great: aggravate the lunatic with the doomsday device,” I said. “Daddy’s device will in all likelihood create some sort of a black hole. But you won’t be able to control it.”

Fora shook her head. “Minor detail.”

I thought I should chime in here. “Ah, Fora, I’m no physics major, but from what I can gather here is the best case scenario from you using that thing is that you’ll blast God knows what to who knows where?”

She shook her head in agreement. “Worst case scenario. You destroy EVERYTHING!”

“Exactly,” she said with that smile. “Except I’d reverse the best and worst cases. Humans are just no good. Wiping them out while at the same time furthering the cause of science is a worthy goal.”

“One more move and we’ll blast you to kingdom come!” That was the familiar voice of Captain Rickey.

I looked up. The cavalry was here, in the form of Captain Rickey and 50 or so of his riot police in heavy armor packing heavy weapons. I didn’t know how they got here. But I was impressed and pleased.

Fora wasn’t. “Go to sleep,” she said, almost as an afterthought. They all dropped off into slumber land. Gee, it never worked like this on old cowboy flicks. But, that was the distraction I needed. Fora had taken a little of her attention off of me. She still had my gun locked, but my mind wasn’t under the constant bombardment of her mental commands. I focused all the energy from my body and fired it out at her!

The pyrotechnics where impressive. Randy was right. The more I used my enhancers the better I got. I sent a few thousand volts into her. To the untrained eye, that action looked to be about as useful as reading yesterday’s horoscope. Fora flinched. That was it.

But that was enough. I moved my wrist in just the right way and pop my trusty gun was in my hand. “Gun activate, extra heavy-duty rounds now!” I shouted. I fired before she had a chance to recover. I was both glad and sad that I had loaded up with two heavy-duty all-purpose armor-piecing bullets. I knew I’d need that kind of force to stop her. I also knew it would be an ugly aftermath. I hit her with enough force to tear a sperm whale apart (if, of course, there had been any sperm whales left in existence).

She fell.

I felt as relieved as a person who has just blown someone away can.

She got up. And shot that smile at me.

I felt relieved that I hadn’t killed. But my relief was greatly overshadowed by the fact that I and the rest of the universe were in big trouble!

Her clothes were ripped pretty much to shreds, but Fora was still definitely together. It was very hard to comprehend the fact that somebody could take a blast like that and still look that good. It wasn’t such an ugly aftermath at all. At least not for Fora.

“You never cease to amaze me, Zach.” She smiled. “Wanna try again?” she suggested, totally exposing herself to me. “Maybe this time you’ll at least smear my makeup.”

I aimed. It took a considerable amount of concentration but at the last minute I pulled the gun from her and fired at the piano doomsday device. The piano proved to be incredibly less resistant than Fora. It exploded into thousands of particles. Finally, something had gone right! I was happy, though I realized that in all probability my happiness was going to be very short-lived

. As, one sane man’s right is a crazy super woman’s wrong. Fora was outraged. “You fool!! Why did you do that!!!??” she screamed.

I was fairly certain that that was another one of those rhetorical questions. I answered her anyway. “Hey, call me crazy. I just woke up this morning thinking that it would be a nice day to save the universe.”

She started walking towards me. “You only postponed the inevitable. My resources are unlimited, you know.”

She was right. Her followers contributed quite generously to anything she wanted them to. She also gave new meaning to the controlling interest she had acquired in the Save The Cats Foundation. Plus, her mental control was so good I was pretty certain that money was only a frivolous extra to her. “I always have backup plans,” she said as she approached me.

I decided to give my gun another shot at her. I couldn’t! My arm was frozen at my side. She took my gun from my hand. I watched helplessly as she made it melt in her hand. Trying to sound unimpressed, I said, “The police are on to you now. They’ll stop you even if it takes a fusion bomb.”

She laughed. Not many folks consider fusion bombs funny. “Fool! The police will think only what I want them to think.” She lifted me off the ground with 1 finger. Not as impressive as melting a solid titanium gun or taking over a province, but still not a shabby feat, lifting 80 kilos with a finger.

“I bet you lift weights,” was all I could think of to say for the moment.

“I like you,” she said.

Okay, she was also a tad schizo. But who was I to argue with my good fortune in her personal taste. “I’ll give you a choice, Zach dear. Die now, or be my plaything for a while, then die later? I guarantee you’ll die smiling.”

An interesting proposition, to be sure. Before I had any chance to answer her, that little voice inside my head said, “Yo, stupid, you don’t want to be touch’n this bitch.” I’ve made a career out of listening to that voice, even when it’s rude.

I shook my head. “Nice offer. But if I had to choose one of you I’d choose Ona. I like the sensitive type. Besides, the purple hair just doesn’t cut it.” If you want to make a lady mad, just compare her unfavorably to her sister. If you want to make a lady really mad, just insult her hair. These two techniques, when combined, work exceptionally well, especially when the lady is exceptionally mad to begin with. Fora hurled me three meters straight up into the ceiling. On my way up I could have sworn I saw an intense flash and felt the temperature in the room rise considerably. I hit the floor and tried to roll.

A bone or two definitely felt broken. I tried to get up. Much to my surprise I did. I figured I might as well die standing. I prepared for the finishing blow. I didn’t know how Fora would do it. Her choices were, for all intents and purposes, limitless. Nothing happened. I waited.

Still nothing. I looked around. I saw multiple copies of everybody. I also saw a pile of dust. I actually saw 4 piles of dust, but I was pretty certain only one was real. Then in the corner of my eye I saw a bunch of Electras and Randys. They were all wearing really ridiculous looking helmets that I assumed were some soak of mental cloaking devices. Electra was holding a smoking rod. Both looked quite pleased with themselves. Randy also looked quite proud. Electra seemed very much in awe of what she had done.

I closed my eyes and shook my head. I opened my eyes. All but one of the Electras and Randys and piles of dust had disappeared.

I guessed that pile of dust used to be Fora before Electra released Randy’s latest invention. I was sure glad I listened to that little rude voice.

I heard Electra mutter something to the effect of, “He’s taken BITCH!”

Chapter 27: Bang

“You’re lucky you didn’t accept her proposition,” Electra said as she started checking over my wounds, “though I don’t recall hearing my name mentioned.” “Believe me honey, you were in my thoughts. I just had to say something that would really tee her off. From the way I feel I think I succeeded quite well, thank you.”

“Yes, you are a mess,” she said, moving my arm in just that way doctors do to check if something is broken. From the pain in my reaction I gathered something was.

“Nothing here that I can’t fix in a couple of days. You’ll live,” she said in her best impersonal doctor voice. Her medical school profs. would have been proud of her.

“Thanks, Doc,” I said as I kissed her.

“You’ll get my bill in the evening, Chico.” I loved it when her eyes lit up like that.

Randy and Captain Rickey had now joined us. Randy was still beaming from the fact that his latest invention worked when field-tested.

“So, my mad friend,” I said to him, “it seems your latest gizmo passed the test with flying colors.”

“Yes,” Randy said, not making the slightest attempt to hide his joy. (Who could blame him? Not many people invent things that help save the universe.) “Now, if I could only find a way to make it fire more than one shot, I’d really be on to something,” Randy muttered.

“What?” Electra questioned as she stitched up a cut over my eye. “What do you mean, fire more than once?”

I answered. Figuring that she probably wouldn’t kill me. “You only had one shot, honey.”

“What?” she scratched again, not seeming to mind that she was being rather redundant. She turned to Randy. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I didn’t want to make you nervous,” he said in his best mad-scientist matter-of- fact voice. “Besides,” he continued, “I forgot.”

Changing the subject —and saving Randy’s life —I asked, “How did you guys find me anyway?”

“We heard your name mentioned many times in vain over the Police radio.” Randy said. “So we decided you might need our help. Your bands have built in tracking devices.”

“Oh. Well that explains how you guys found me.” I turned to a still groggy Captain Rickey. “So Tony, how did you and your boys find me?”

Tony wiped the sleep out of his eyes. “When I shook your hand in my office that day, my hand was coated with highly reactive particles. We used those particles to trace your every move within a 500 K radius. We knew you spent some time at the Thompson’s. So I assigned a couple of guys to watch the place. When my men saw them speeding off in an obvious hurry I decided it would be prudent to follow. We just couldn’t travel as fast they could.”

“Well,” I smiled, “I’m sure glad my friends don’t trust me.”

The happiness of our pseudo-family reunion was broken up by the panic stricken voice of one of Tony’s men.

“Captain Rickey,” he interrupted, “you better come here quick. The Thompsons are in trouble!”

Chapter 28: Big Bang

Tony’s man had a huge flare for understatement. Ona’s, Twa’s and Threa’s force prisons were closing in on them. They were in considerable pain. Normal humans would have been long dead.

Randy and Tony both went to the controls. “They’ve been fused,” Randy said. “Fora had maybe a nanosecond before she died. Looks like she sent a mental blast at the controls as her last act.”

“Guess she decided to take her sisters out with her,” Tony offered.

The Thompsons were spoiled brats, but they certainly didn’t deserve to die. Especially a slow horrible death by constriction and suffocation.

“Surely, between the four of us we can do something!” was all I could offer. Randy opened up the back of the control panel and looked in. “I’ll try to short it out.” He fiddled for a few moments. “Damn. This thing shouldn’t be working at all. All the ICs are fused solid.”

Things looked kind of bleak. So I went for a long-shot. “Listen, ladies,” I thought in my loudest voice. “You guys are all identical to Fora! If she could fuse this thing by sheer will power, you should be able to will your way out of it.”

Twa and Threa continued to flail away to no avail. My thoughts either weren’t received or were ignored.

Ona, on the other hand, had stopped flailing.

She had a very concentrated and determined look on her face. My thoughts had gotten through to her. The question was: could she reverse the force field’s deadly grip?

My concentration on Ona’s effort was disturbed when I heard Randy say, “Uh oh, this doesn’t look good at all…”

I turned toward the fused force field control. It was shaking wildly out of control. This was not a good sign. “I think it’s going to blow,” Randy said. Captain Rickey took charge. “Everybody out pronto!” he shouted. Captain Rickey’s men and Randy quickly obeyed. But I felt like I couldn’t leave Ona and her sisters behind. After all, she was paying me! It was my idea for them to come here and face down Fora. So I did feel a tad responsible for them. Electra pulled on my arm, “Come on, Mi Amor!” she said. “There’s nothing you or anyone can do here.” I hesitated. I hated leaving clients when they were about to die. Those kinds of things are bad for business. Then I heard in my mind loud and clear, “Get out of here stupid! I can’t hold this thing much longer. You puny humans won’t be able to survive the blast that’s coming!”

That was all I needed to hear! I turned to Electra and said, “Last one out turn out the lights.”

“Ha ha,” she said as we ran out, setting new world land speed records. We were followed out of the building by a huge explosion. I used the magnetic current from my body to create a tiny force shield to absorb some of the impact. I don’t know if it made a difference, but we survived without any noticeable damage. “Wow!” was all Randy could say. “Do you think the sisters could have survived that?” Tony questioned?

His question was immediately answered as the sisters emerged from the rubble. The explosion had done a number on their outfits, as they were wearing nothing but smiles. But they appeared no worse for wear. Randy, Tony and his men just stared with eyes and mouths all wide open.

Electra put her hand over my eyes and said, “Look and die, hombre.”

HARV beeped to me, “You did it Zach! I knew you could do it all along.” “Thanks HARV,” I said proudly.

“Ah, I kind of regret having to ruin the moment and all, but I am are picking up a ship, a large ship, heading towards Earth at ramming speed.”

“What?” I said, slightly put back at the Gladians obvious lack of confidence in me. “Don’t they read mysteries on Glad-7? The bad gal is dead. We won. The story is over. Now we’re all suppose to go home and live happily ever after till our next exciting adventure!”

“Apparently they don’t do a lot of reading on Glad-7. Though being a logic packed computer I feel I should also point out a couple of other facts. One, in real life, stories just don’t end neat and clean in a set amount of time. And two, even if it was a story, with you in Zach old buddy, there is no way it could be anything close to normal.”

“Good point,” I agreed as my mind raced with ideas. I decided not to panic quite yet. Panic only works when absolutely nothing else will work. Maybe this was just an honest over sight on the Gladians part? “HARV, net with the Glad-7 mother ship out there and tell them the good news. They probably don’t realize that Fora is no more.”

In a minutes HARV was back on line with me, “Good news, Zach. I netted with the mother ship.”

“Great.”

“Bad news, there is no organic being on board. Everything is set on auto. It looks like they’re still planning on ramming Earth. The computer would only tell me that they decided you couldn’t stop Fora. So why waste time?”

“Boy, fine vote of confidence that is. Don’t they know I’m a professional?” Still this was no time to be have an ego crisis. I regrouped. “Okay HARV, can you override the computer?”

“Maybe.”

“Great. Get to it.”

“Sorry Zach, I don’t think that would be a wise course of action.”

“Why not, HARV?”

“You should have put a time frame on your question. I might be able to override the computer, but it will definitely take me longer than 10 minutes or so you have before impact. Heck, it takes over a 30 seconds for my messages to even reach them. You’ve got to remember were limited to less than near light speed here. The Spacenet communication link is inter-laser connected, which means it’s fast but not instantaneous. When you start connecting information to lasers it slows them down some.”

I turned to Tony who was listening intently to our conversion. “Did you hear that?”

“Yes,” he said. “I don’t like it.”

“What about anti-asteroid control?” I questioned him. “Surely they’ll notice this object heading toward Earth at near light speed.”

“It’s hard to say. Normally they’re not looking for anything so close to Earth. Usually they spot potential trouble makers out by Pluto, so they have plenty of time to get rid of them. Even if it was spotted — which is even more doubtful considering the thing is going so fast — no computer would fire on an obvious space craft without first referring to a human commander.”

“Well, what about giving them a warning and activating the system? You are a police captain.”

“That’s right, Zach, I’m a captain. I have nowhere near enough clout to pull something like that off. Maybe a member of the World Council could do it so quickly. But even then I doubt it. Only tip top level people get access to things like that.”

Ona, who now (to the great displeasure of Captain Rickey’s men) was wearing a little make shift frock came to my side. “I knew you could do it, Zach!” She gave me a big kiss. I didn’t even have time to worry about what Electra’s reaction might be, however, I was certain that Ona was lucky that Randy’s little device only worked once. “Saving you might have only been temporary I’m afraid.” Ona looked puzzled. “Why?”

“To put it quickly, the folks on Glad-7 also wanted Fora taken care of. So much that they’re going to crash one of their mother ships into this very spot very soon.”

“Oh, is that all?” she said calmly. “Just shoot them down with a 100 megaton nuclear missile. Well actually, I guess blow them up is a more fitting description.” Tony was starting to lose him temper. For the first time in all the years that I had known him he was getting angry at someone who wasn’t me. “Why does everybody think I have the authority to launch nuclear missiles? I’m just a captain in the province of California! If we don’t get blown to bits I’ll probably get my butt handed to me in a sling just for coming into Nevada.”

Ona just stared at him in disbelief. “I wasn’t talking to you, silly. I was talking to my computer.”

“Huh?” Tony and I both said in unison.

She looked at us. “I’ve established a mental link with my computer. I was talking to it. I only gave it a command out loud for your benefit.”

“Your home computer is connected to the council’s computer?” Tony was shocked.

“Actually no,” she said flatly.

Tony wiped some sweat off his brow. “At least I can die knowing the world still has some sanity in it.”

“My computer is the council’s computer. They need some extra money a couple of years ago and only had their computer to offer. So since it was one of daddy’s inventions, I took it off their hands. It still does everything it used to do, you know, control earth defense and stuff like that, only now it also runs my house.” Tony’s mouth dropped open. He had been stunned into silence. “You mean,” I asked for Tony, “the computer in your house has access to nuclear weapons?” “Not just access. Complete and total control. Why do you think it loves playing chess so much? It was originally developed as a military computer.”

I wasn’t sure if I should be happy or really scared. It was nice knowing we had access to the computer that could stop the mother ship. It put a knot in my stomach knowing that it was Ona’s rather offbeat (to be polite) machine.

Ona didn’t share my worry. “I hope you don’t mind,” she said to me, “but I’ve set up a mental interface between my computer and that little thing-a-ma-bob you use to talk with your computer. This way you can hear what’s going on.”

“Sure, no problem,” I said, trying desperately to keep my mouth from dropping open like Tony’s.

“Okay computer, fire when ready,” she calmly ordered.

“Missile launched from Mars station.” It seemed weird hearing another computer’s voice emanating from my modem.

We all waited with great anticipation. Finally Ona’s computer broke the silence. “Uh oh, the target has initiated evasive maneuvers. It may be on auto pilot but it’s also been programmed to defend itself.”

“Fire again, computer,” Ona calmly ordered.

“Multiple bursts are off. I have anticipated all possible defensive actions. My missiles will hit unless — Uh oh.” Silence.

“What’s happening?” asked Tony. “This computer tends a little towards the annoying side,” I said.

“Computer, inform me of current situation,” Ona ordered. This time her voice was noticeably less calm.

“Well,” the computer paused. I wasn’t sure if it was trying to drive us crazy or if it was really confused. “It seems the target has defensive missiles. It knocked out my missiles with its missiles. Darn, I’m rusty, I should have anticipated that. It is now out of Mars launch range. It will be in moon launch range in 3 minutes, though under current conditions I doubt I would fare much better. I am not equipped to hit evasive targets. Meteors do not dodge, you know.”

“Yes, computer we’re aware of that.” Ona’s voice was now starting to show some nervousness. “Can you jam it’s defenses?”

“No, not in this time frame. Communication takes time, break through takes more time, time is one thing you don’t have. Reviewing the ship’s engines and mass I suggest you take cover. Due to your superior physical stamina I predict you and your sisters have a 95 percent chance of surviving if you can get far enough underground. The shelter at the mansion would also protect you. Too bad you’re too far away. You have possibly a 5.3214 percent chance of surviving if you remain unprotected.” The whole group had now gathered around listening intently. Nobody was happy. Ona looked around. “Any ideas?” Blank stares all around.

So finally I offered a humble suggestion. “Ona, that thing you do with your computer. Can you do it with other computers?”

“I don’t know,” she answered. “I’ve never tried.”

“Maybe you and your sisters can mind link with the Glad-7 ship and sort of confuse it.”

Randy spoke. “You know, it just might work. Thoughts are not directly governed by the laws of physics. They should be able to make instantaneous contact.”

“True,” said Ona, “but though our thoughts are much faster than a normal human they are still slightly slower than my computer. I might be able to access the computer faster but I won’t be able to make as many calculations and bypass searches as easily as the computer; thus we don’t really gain much.”

“You don’t need to do bypass searches to turn off its defenses. All you have to do is confuse it for awhile. And I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts that computer has never had three superhuman women thinking at it at once. It won’t know what to do. That will give your somewhat annoying computer a window of opportunity.” I couldn’t help getting in a jab at the computer.

“That’s crazy,” Twa said, being just as helpful as ever.

“No no,” Threa said. “He might have a point.”

Twa looked like she was ready to argue, but Ona cut her off. “Listen, little sis, we have no time to fight. And we have no better option. We ARE going for it.” “But Ona, Threa and I have never done this before.”

I couldn’t help thinking that it had probably been a long time since any of the Thompson girls had made that statement. Electra gave me a little jab in the ribs. “Get the mind out of the gutter, amigo,” she said. It was amazing how that woman always knew what I was thinking. If we survived this day I was going to have to ask her about that. By the time I got my concentration back on the matters at hand the three sisters had their eyes closed and seemed to be in deep meditation. I had never seen the 3 sisters keep quiet for such a long period of time before. No matter what happened now, this day was sure to go down in the record books. Silence continued.

Finally Threa spoke. “I’ve made contact.”

Next Twa spoke. “Hey this is easy.”

“Okay little sisters, let’s see what we can do to scramble this computer’s bits.” Another pause. Then Ona spoke again, “Okay, computer, fire away.” “Missiles away.”

Ona looked at me. “I’ll use your modem as a 3-D Holo monitor so you can get a view of what’s happening.”

“But that’s impossible!” said Randy. “I designed that modem. It’s only designed for rudimentary 2-D video display.”

Now it was Randy’s turn to hold his mouth open, as a 3-D hologram display started pulsating from my modem. Ona was getting more and more impressive and scary by the second.

We all watched with interest the track of a missile fired from the moon base. We saw the missile close the gap between itself and the mother ship of doom. We saw a huge explosion. We all then exploded with joy.

I ran to Ona’s side. I started to hug her, then remembered Electra, so I simply held out my hand in congratulations.

“Oh, what the hell. Give her a hug, chico. She deserves it.” Despite her quick temper and quick legs Electra was a great lady.

I hugged Ona. It was a friendship hug. “You did it!” I exclaimed.

She smiled. “Was there ever any doubt? I’m the best. Remember?”

“How could I have forgotten?”

“Excuse me a second, Zach. Computer, inform our friends on Glad-7 that I have now taken over my sister’s account and investments. Also inform them that if there are any other incidents such as this, those funds along with a few billion other credits, will come under the jurisdiction of the people of Glad-10.”

“But the beings from Glad-7 hate the ones from Glad-10.”

“Exactly, computer. Also, computer, just to prevent our friends from Glad-10 trying anything, buy a good portion of that planet for me. Then inform them that if something happens to me the people of Glad-7 obtain control.”

I smiled at her. “Nice touch.”

“Like my poor late sister, I always like to plan for all contingencies,” she said. Then she did something that really surprised me. “I believe this belongs to you,” she said as she handed me my gun.

“My gun!!” My eyes most have shot wide open. “But, Fora melted it?” She smiled, “I unmelted it.”

Things were finally starting to settle down. Most of Tony’s men headed back to California to report in person. Only a few stayed to help Tony, Randy, Electra, the sisters and me shift through the rubble of the Save the Cats Foundation. Tony was the first one to hear it, or at least mention it. A sort of rumbling chanting crowd noise. “Gee Zach, with you the fun never stops now does it?” Tony said, as it pointed to the approaching linch mob.

We all turned to see a good portion of the population of Vegas coming towards us. Some were armed with lasers; some only carried makeshift clubs. All were angry. They were being led by Manuel. They were chanting something to the effect of, “Kill those who killed Fora.”

“Zach always likes to make sure his customers get their money’s worth,” Electra offered.

“This is weird,” I moaned. “From the impression Fora gave me, when her cats had me surrounded I had gathered that once she met her demise her subjects would snap back to normal. I hate being lied to, even by my mortal enemies. It’s so uncool.”

Ona was now by my side. “She may not have been lying. Animal minds are less complex than human minds, thus they have a much quicker recovery time. I’m sure these folks will snap out of it on their own in good time.”

“Maybe so. But we don’t have much time,” said Tony as he reached for his side arm.

“Neither do they,” Twa said. “I can take this crowd easy. All by my little self.” She pounded a fist into her hand. “I’ve been eager to test out my new-found abilities. This seems like as good of a time as any.”

“No,” Ona said. “These people are just innocent pawns like Zach was. We have no right to hurt them.”

Was it just me? Or was Ona actually showing compassion?

“I won’t hurt ‘em too bad. I’ll just solidify their molecules or something.” Twa was, as always, all heart. She made a framing motion with her hands. “They’d make a nice monument to stupidity. Don’t you think? This way they’d all sort of live forever. True, there wouldn’t be much excitement in their lives but hey you can’t have everything.”

“No little sister!” Ona commanded, “we can’t let ourselves be like Fora. Just because these people are nothing to us doesn’t mean we should treat them like nothing. Simply return their minds back to them.”

Okay, Ona was new to this compassion thing so it was bound to take her a little time to get real good at it.

Twa hesitated for a bit.

Threa tossed in her two credits worth, “Come on Twa. Solidifying people’s molecules is easy. But unprogramming their minds — now that’s a real challenge.” Twa huffed some, then consented, “Yeah, you’re probably right. Okay, all you jerks have your minds back the way they were before Fora messed with them.” The crowd stopped. They all looked confused, like they had just been rudely awakened from a dream. They were all still at that point where they hadn’t quite figured out that they were no longer dreaming.

Our little group sighed a sigh of relief, except for Twa who may have been slightly disappointed. “Well,” she huffed, “maybe I’ll just turn the next IRS agent who trys to audit me to stone.”

“Now that’s the spirit!” Threa answered.

After a few minutes most of the crowd started to disperse. Ona put an explanation in their minds as to what had happened. Most of them seemed happy with this.

I noticed, though, that mousy little Manuel was coming towards me with his hand extended. Seemed he wanted to thank me for freeing him from Fora’s evil clutches. He approached holding an open hand. “Mr. Johnson I would like to thank you.”

“No problem,” I said.

I reached for his open hand. I heard a very familiar sounding pop. A small laser now filled his open hand.

I recoiled. “Big mistake,” I thought. “I should have gone into him.”

“This is for killing the woman I loved,” he screamed as he fired wildly. The beam brushed my shoulder. Only a flesh wound, but since I already was pretty banged up it hurt enough to force me to drop my gun that I had instinctively popped into my hand.

Before either Manuel or I had a chance to react, Electra did. She leaped at him with a flying jump kick. Impressive as always. Her foot met his head, head on. Manuel crashed to the ground.

Electra kicked the gun away. “Nobody shoots at my man, except for possibly me.”

“Well, what do you know?” Twa said. “The little twerp really cared for out sister.”

“Lot of good that will do him now,” Tony said as he started to slap electro inhibitors on little Manuel.

“What are you doing?” Twa asked Tony. “I’m taking him in. The guy’s dangerous. We can’t let him roam the streets.”

“I want him!” Twa said.

“What?” Everybody else said in unison to Twa. “I want to take him home and keep him. Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt anything. Trust me. It’s a lot better for everybody than sending the poor guy to prison. Hell, he couldn’t help his actions. We Thompson’s are just irresistible.”

Tony hesitated, but he knew he couldn’t stop Twa if she really wanted to take Manuel. “Go ahead, take him. We’ll call it probation.”

“Call it what you want,” she said as she tossed Manuel over her shoulder and walked away. I looked at Tony and said, “Believe me, Tony, I know that lady. Manuel is going to get his punishment. I just hope it’s not too harsh.”

Chapter 29: Biggest Bang?

It had been a week since I saved the universe and the Thompson sisters. I had spent a good portion of the day convincing the members of the world council that the Thompson sisters were not a threat to society. They loved playing with society and breaking the little rules, but they had no interest in taking over the society. I did point out, though, that any harassment by the council might force them to change their minds. I think this last point convinced the council that they should leave the Thompsons alone.

Also, much to Electra’s delight I had hired her niece Carol as my secretary. When the kid was younger she had been involved in some sort of center-American PSI experiments, trying to heighten human mental abilities. The kid didn’t like the fact that she was being used has a human guinea pig. Plus, she wanted to go to college in the states and lead a normal life. So she faked failure and they kicked her out of the program. In actually, the experiments had made her a class 1 PSI, making her the perfect secretary for me in-between her courses at the college.

I was just sitting and relaxing in my office playing HARV in a game of chess and feeling quite proud of my accomplishments. Then Carol’s voice intruded on my play time through the monitor.

“Zach, get ready. Something really bad is coming this way. I can feel it and it’s still over 100 meters away.” It wasn’t like Carol to sound so panicked. Her PSI powers usually allowed her to handle any situation. She could put an angry client to sleep seconds before they even knew they were going to get angry. My keen mind was starting to get the impression that something was wrong.

I asked HARV for his opinion, “What do you make of this HARV?” “QUACK, QUACK, QUACK,” was HARV’s rather strange reply. Somebody or thing had managed to short him out. My guess was this had something to do with what ever had Carol so frighten.

Suddenly, my door exploded into little tiny fragments. Now being a trained private investigator, I knew something was wrong. I looked up from the floor and there she was. Two meters plus of purple-skinned, purple-haired, angry lady! Fora!? Carol shot through the door lunging after her, “Sorry Zach I couldn’t stop her! I tried to scramble her mind but it didn’t even phase her.”

“Get out of here Carol! Fast!” I ordered. “Leave this to me.”

Carol hesitated for a second. “Let me hit her with some telekinetics,” she pleaded.

“Believe me,” I shouted, “I don’t pay you nearly enough for this. Get out and don’t come back unless you hear for me.”

Carol frowned and disappeared in a flash of white light.

“Nice trick,” Fora smiled. “That mind thing she hit me with would have stopped nearly anything else. I’ll have to look her up when I’m through with you.” She lifted me up off the ground with one finger and shot that damn smile at me. “Miss me?” she questioned.

I was at a loss for words. But luckily not for actions. For some reason Fora had not disabled any of my body parts. I channeled as much energy as I could and punched her right square in the face. I had been practicing so I thought I would have better results with this technique than I had had in the past.

The results were worse. I might have been getting a little better but Fora had gotten much much better. I just hurt my hand. She just smiled. Now I saw why she didn’t bother limiting my actions. There was very little, if anything I could do to harm her.

“Is that how you treat an old friend?” she asked.

“What??” I questioned. “Your definition and my definition of friend greatly differ! I suggest you buy a dictionary!”

She dropped me to the ground, then turned to face the shattered door. She waved her hand and the molecules of the door all snapped back into place. Another smile and her hair turned brunette. “Do I know how to make an entrance or what?” She smiled.

“Ona??” I questioned, as I picked myself off the ground and dusted off. “In person,” she giggled. “Sorry about my little joke.”

“No harm done, I suppose.” I delayed for a moment. “I assume HARV will be back to normal?”

“Of course,” she replied. “I just couldn’t have it spoiling my surprise. Your little secretary is fairly impressive. A simple mind blast didn’t stop her. I would have had to hurt her into a plant or something to stop her.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” I said, shaking the cobwebs out of my head. “She’s a good kid.”

“Hey, who am I to mess with potential. Plus, I figures she suffers enough working for you.”

“You know,” I said as I started back to my desk, ignoring that last comment, “it is a very real possibility that there might be another Fora bouncing around out there. She certainly had the resources to have herself cloned.”

“True,” Ona agreed. “But even if she did have herself cloned the clone would be nowhere near as powerful as her.”

“True,” I thought. Nobody ever wanted a perfect copy of themselves walking around. All clones were always given some flaws.

Ona continued. “Even if a Fora clone does someday become as powerful as Fora was, I could handle her. Thanks to you helping me remove my limitations there is very little I can’t do.”

“Glad to be of service,” I said. “It’s always nice to…”

I didn’t get to finish my sentence as once again my door exploded open. The force of the explosion threw me to the ground, again. I looked up and was once again less than pleased with what I saw.

It was another another Fora! “Well well, sister so you really think you can handle me?” The newest Fora said.

“With ease,” Ona said, not even batting an eyebrow as she casually sat on my desk doing her nails. I decided that the best course of action would be for me to sit back and watch. My mom didn’t raise no dummy. I just had to hope that Ona’s over confidence was justified.

“As you can see, my original self planned for every contingency. I’m not quite up to her level yet. But it’s only a mater of time. Until then I have more than enough power to take my revenge on the two of you.”

Ona yawned. “Gee, semi-sis I sort of saw this coming. Why do you think I showed up here today?”

“Because you’re a fool!” Fora-2 yelled in a very dramatic voice. She lunged towards Ona with a look on her face that can only be described as ‘I want to rip you limb from limb and then really hurt you some more’.”

Ona, who was still sitting at my desk filing her nails, simply snapped her fingers and said, “Oh, dry up.”

There was a very brief flash of light, then a pile of dust where Fora-2 had been standing. Ona continued to do her nails.

I stood up and dusted myself off again. Hopeful that I would not be knocked to the ground again, at least not in the next hour. “Did you just do what I think you did?” I gulped.

Ona admired her newly filed nails and said, “Yep. It’s no big deal. I just separated her water molecules from the rest of her. Neat effect, Huh!”

“I guess you could say that,” was all I could reply.

“It comes in real handy at rush hour.” She smiled.

I was pretty certain she was joking. “Come on I’ll take you to lunch,” she said, pulling me towards the door she had just reconstructed again. Just as we got to the door, she stopped. “Nah, doors are for wimps,” she smiled.

She lead me to the picture window in my office and starting looking for a place to open it.

“Ah, Ona not to ruin your fun or anything but that window doesn’t open, besides we are 5 levels up.” I thought these were details that needed to be pointed out despite the fact that Ona was probably quite well aware of them and was probably going to ignore them.

“Details, details,” was all she said. She made a fist like she was about to smash my window. I put my hand over her fist, “Ona, that window is made from clear semi-reflective plexisteel. It’s expensive and unbreakable.” I knew it was a mistake the nanosecond I said it.

Ona shot me that smile again. She passed her hand gently over the plexisteel barely touching it. The window neatly slit open then spread apart. She gently placed me on her shoulder then levitated us both through the opening.

We remained there, five levels above the ground while she waved her hand back over the opening. It sealed up as if it never existed.

“I have a surprise for you Zach,” she said, as we slowly started our descent. “Close your eyes.”

“No problem. You know how I hate heights.”

“Yes, ” she laughed, “that’s why I’m going at baby speed. You know you really amaze me.”

“How so?” I questioned with eyes locked tight.

“When I first met you I thought from your ads you’d be different from normal people.” She paused for a moment, searching for the right words. “Well, actually you are different. I guess I thought you’d be better. You know: fearless, highly intelligent, really sexy. The more I got to know you the more I figured out that you were just an average guy. You had fears and flaws. Lots of them.”

“Hey hey,” I interrupted, “your were right about the real sexy part.”

She laughed and continued on, ignoring my last comment. “Funny thing is, the more I knew you the more certain I was that you were nothing extra special, yet somehow I became more and more confident that you would actually get the job done. Kind of funny isn’t it?”

“Not really,” I pointed out. “I just know my limitations; therefore they’re easy to get around and I also know how to make the most of what I am good at. I guess to summarize: I know what I am, therefore it’s easy for me to do what I need to do. It doesn’t hurt that I have good friends who give me a lot of neat toys to play with.” As I completed that statement I felt my feet gently touch the ground. I breathed a little sigh of relief. I tried to open my eyes. But I couldn’t. Ona had her reasons for wanting me to keep them shut.

“Yes I can see all that now,” she remarked.

“I’m glad, cause sometimes even I have trouble following my logic.”

“I understand perfectly,” she said. “You helped me see what I could be. I figured, hey, if an average guy like you could do the things you somehow manage to do, just think what a super being like myself could accomplish if I really put my mind to it.”

“Glad I could be of service. Will you let me open my eyes now?”

“In a minute. I have a little surprise for you. Sort of an added bonus for saving the day and all that.”

“Ona, you already gave me a 100,000-credit bonus. Really you’re spoiling me. You’re going to make it hard for me to work for anyone else.” I opened my eyes. There it was! “MY CAR!” She rubbed her hand over the hood. “I reassembled it myself. Molecule by molecule. It took me almost half an hour.”

“This is great!” I exclaimed in joy that was obvious even to an untrained mind. “I never expected this. Though with you I should always expect the unexpected.” “It’s the least I could do,” she said with a little shrug. “After all, you are the one who helped make me what I am today.” She hit me with that smile again. “Thanks,” I replied. Though I had to wonder if this was anything like the guys who invented the atom bomb had felt after they witnessed the first test: proud and happy with what they had accomplished, yet somewhat apprehensive of what the future may bring.

The End