Action Figures
By
Mark Bourne. Short story
originally published in Realms of Fantasy, Oct. 2002.
Distribution in any form without written permission from the author is
forbidden.
From the 55th floor of a high-rise construction
project, the city is a 3-D maze of steel and glass and traffic.
Thirty seconds after the 6 o'clock whistle blares, Tony Ottavino has
already secured the welding tools and signaled to Carello down on 50 to bring
them down. Time to knock off for the day. It may be July and hot as hell down on
the streets, but up here with the birds and the view, the breeze is strong and
cool. Tony unwraps a Butterfinger bar, carefully folds the wrapper before
placing it in his pocket, and sits on an I-beam next to Frank Stropaugh, who, 55
stories above the streets, stares out into empty space toward downtown.
Tony watches Frank's eyes move left, then right, then up, down, and back
up again, tracking. Tony looks with him, then sees what Frank sees. "Oh," he
says. "Huh." Frank just keeps staring. Frank is like that.
After about three minutes, Tony points toward where they're looking and
says, "My kid did a report about him in school last week. My daughter, Jennifer,
you met her. She says he's six-foot-four, has black hair, turquoise eyes like
Barbie's, and always tells the truth. Ain't that the cutest thing?"
As if snapping out of a trance, Frank turns and says in that way he has,
"You're full of shit. He's six-foot-six, can change his eye color just by
thinking about it, and isn't bound by your narrow definition of morality."
"Ooooh. There you go again with your new college book crap. I'm just sayin'
what my kid said she learned in school is all. I tell ya, from up here I feel
like I could fly and bend steel bars between my teeth and save whole towns from,
y'know, hurricanes and shit. Yeah. But y'know, he's not really anything special.
When you get right down to it, where it really counts, he's just a guy like me
and you."
"He's an alien. From another planet. He's plenty different from you."
"That ain't what I'm talking about," Tony says. Frank is a good guy, but
sometimes he comes off real snotty. He goes to some community college at night
and sometimes puts on airs. He's 41, but he works out and still has the kind of
good looks that women like. Always did, to hear him tell it. Sure can handle an
arc welder, boy.
Tony shakes his head and laughs.
"What?" says Frank.
"Don't that knock the shit out of them monsters-from-space movies. He
looks like us. No tentacles or one eye or shit. My daughter, she watches that
E.T. video every time she's at my place. Now look at that guy. Does he look
like E.T.? No sir, not a bit. Looks like you and me. You see Independence Day?
That Will Smith is pretty good. Don't like Jeff Goldblum, though."
"How come?"
"You know. He's too . . . I don't know. Just never worked for me, is all.
Always plays the same character."
Frank nods. "I heard he fucked Geena Davis."
"Who, him?"
"No, Jeff Goldblum."
"Jeff Goldblum was married to Geena Davis, Professor."
"No shit?"
"No shit. So yeah, they probably fucked once or twice." Tony likes that he
called Frank Professor. You know, to show the uppity son of a bitch. Tony bites
off a dangling chunk of Butterfinger goodness. "She's too skinny for me."
"Geena Davis."
"Yep. I like 'em big enough to hang onto."
Frank smirks. "She'll be sorry to hear it." He laughs and Tony laughs with
him.
Tony finishes his candy bar and wipes his hands on his pants. "Now he's
tall."
"Who?"
"Jeff Goldblum."
"Oh. Uh huh." Frank's eyes follow a purplish streak above the river docks.
"Makes you wonder."
"What?"
"If there were any black people on his planet."
"Whose planet?"
"Who the fuck do you think? Or Asian types. Or even what religion he is. I
mean, to us he's like some kind of god or something. So what's God like to him?
Or is he an atheist? And if he's an atheist, is he really the kind of
all-powerful being we want being taught to our children in school? The waters
run deep once you stir them."
"The waters, Frank, are full of shit." Tony cocks his head toward the
flying figure silhouetted against the sky. "Him? Heh. He's probably Jewish.
Wouldn't that be a kick in the balls, huh?"
From the wall-sized picture window in a condo on the 40th floor of a
high-rise apartment building, come Sunday night the view of Fourth of July
fireworks over the East River will be splendid. Nicole says to herself: It'll be
a damn shame to miss that. The view down Broadway has Nicole thinking about Lego
towers and, what with all those cars ant-marching in 6 PM gridlock, a science
video she saw in fourth grade. Turning thirty in three weeks and four days, she
hasn't thought of those things in, like, twenty years. She doesn't know why
she's thinking of them now. Especially now.
The condo used to belong to Nicole's father. When his cancer finally took
him, he left what he called his "summer cottage" to her. More, she suspected,
out of guilt than of genuine fatherly love. It was a token salve, an attempt to
heal physical wounds that vanished long ago, and nonphysical ones that hadn't.
She never visited her father in the hospital. By that time it was far too late
for him to decide to become her hero.
Late afternoon sun hits the mirrored surfaces of high-rises throughout the
midtown district. A quarter mile to the east, a new office building is going up.
The construction crew started work last fall, using explosives to bring down the
old warehouse that had been there forever. Nicole has already forgotten what the
warehouse had looked like. Now the new building is 53, 54, 55 stories tall,
higher than where she's standing looking out the window. Girders like bones are
being manipulated into position. Some jut out into empty space far above the
streets. She can barely make out the shapes of two men sitting on the girders.
They are big men, but they look tiny from this distance. One of them is
good-looking in a rugged sort of way, tanned and muscular from working outdoors.
His hands are large and rough, with a scratchy callous on the right palm.
There hasn't been a cloud in the sky all day and it's hot. Nicole
unbuttons the top of her powder blue Saks blouse. Sure, the air conditioning is
on, but it's hot anyway. She stares out the window another moment, then loosens
another button. Her right bra strap bites into her shoulder, so she pulls it
down toward her elbow. Her bra is that nice peach one she bought at a Victoria's
Secret in an instant of impulse. She had walked in front of the Victoria's
window display on Broadway six times before going in. Coming out, she felt her
heart beat so hard she had to stop and press her forehead against the wall
outside the store. Now she's wearing that nice peach bra in her late (ha)
father's condo, and it's hot, and she loosens another button.
Outside, a moving flash of color catches her attention. In the middle
distance, among skyscrapers that had been the tallest in the world back in the
'30s, or was it the 40s?, a man-sized bullet circles and darts and dives among
the steel and glass and traffic, doing what he's done for so long that Nicole
rarely notices him anymore.
From the tiny "balcony" of the tenth-floor apartment, the former Patricia
("not Patty") Dabrowski looks west across the river into the city's famous
skyline. For months now she's been watching a high-rise going up, girders like
toothpicks being swung into place, the pinpoints of arc welding like tiny suns.
Patricia has lived here enough years she can name every one of those
skyscrapers. From the inner boroughs you can tell the weather or the purity of
the air by how visible the windows are on those clean and gleaming façades. A
little ways beyond the construction site, a high-rise apartment building glows
golden and silver in the 6 P.M. summer sun.
In her left hand hangs a cigarette, more ash than paper. With her right
she raises a glass of Scotch — the good stuff, from the "private stock" her
husband won in a bet and hides in his bottom dresser drawer. The bottle she's
forbidden to open. She raises the glass, looks over its rim, finishes her third
round. Ice a half-hour old rattles, and through the glass's bottom the city
skyline goes all wavery and distorted and melty.
She puts the glass down next to the potted plants and tosses the cigarette
over the railing. She watches it fall, watches it carried on a breeze half a
block before landing on the sidewalk near the liquor store. Patricia turns,
supports herself on the sliding door's frame, and steps back into the apartment.
The air conditioning is still out so the place is hot and smells like socks.
Should she fix another drink, or wait a while before finishing off his
precious bottle? It's Friday so he'll be home his regular time unless he stops
to talk or have a beer before catching the subway. She looks at the clock above
the couch. 6:05. There's time.
In their bedroom she puts on her favorite fancy dress, the one she keeps
in the thin plastic wrap from the dry cleaners so it doesn't get all dusty in
the closet. It's burgundy with black trim, just enough classy and just enough
sexy. She used to feel so good in that dress. Now she looks in the dresser
mirror and loathes the fat woman staring back at her. Sometime over the past
twelve years, she can't figure out exactly when, this fat woman replaced the
former Patricia Emily Dabrowski.
She remembers what it feels like to be in love. She read in a magazine
that falling in love was exactly like being hit by a bus: It happens when you're
not looking and afterwards you either go to heaven or end up in a body cast
eating whipped shit through a straw. She thought that was funny at the time.
She's realized that somewhere during the past twelve years, when she wasn't
paying attention, she got moved out of heaven and put into that body cast.
She smoothes the dress against her body with her hands, feeling beneath
the fabric every curve of flab along the way. She's a cow. It's amazing she can
still fit into the dress at all. With age she's gone soft, all loose-fleshed and
pale. It's normal, it happens to everyone, it happens to everyone. She hates her
thighs most of all. Dimpled and pasty. Like bread dough. To think she wanted a
baby through those thighs. It wasn't her fault she couldn't. What would she look
like now if she'd done that?
It's easy to remember why she fell in love with him. He had strength, both
the inner type as well as the outer type. He was quiet, which she always took as
a sign of inner depths. He wasn't rich, but she never had a chance to know what
that might be like anyway. She had been alone and lonely and years of therapy
had not changed that.
Somewhere along the way she has failed him. He says so every time he tells
her she needs to lose weight, every Wednesday night when he comes home after
midnight smelling of that other woman's cunt. Not that he's been able to be a
man in their bed anyway. He hasn't gotten it up for ten months, ever since that
trip to the bank he still refuses to talk about.
Patricia rubs her red-rimmed eyes with a wrist that she notices is puffy
and veined, then goes back to the living room. The dress makes a whoosh-whoosh
sound with her footsteps. She thinks of her senior prom twenty-five years ago.
Bobby Reyerson had gone with her. He told her she was beautiful and she let him
feel her breasts. Wonder what happened to him. That new young clerk at the
market has eyes for her, that's for sure. Lately she responds to his subtle
flirting by flirting right back. What would the bastard think of that, huh?
She sits on the couch — whoosh! — and shoves aside a clutter of magazines.
A razor blade and a pile of cuttings spill onto the freshly vacuumed carpet.
They're pictures and articles neatly sliced from the daily paper or from
People and Newsweek and MetroToday and even a National Enquirer
she picked up at the market just for the fun of it. It's a girlish hobby, she
knows, but lots of people do it and it isn't that silly really, no more than
collecting baseball cards or recipes. Still, she hides them from her husband,
who more and more lately flies into a fitful rage or a sulking silence whenever
she cuts and sorts them in front of him.
From the photos an oh so handsome face stares right at her. Beneath his
obsidian hair, those intense clear eyes focus on her above his flawless white
teeth and perfect jaw. He can melt steel girders with those eyes. That image
makes her laugh and almost fall off the couch.
Then she sees the letter on the coffee table and all laughter leaves her.
Its two neatly typed pages have been torn in half and Scotch-taped back
together. She had started drinking while sticking the tape on, and the corner of
one page is still wet from a little spill. Her hands had been shaking.
She doesn't feel like reading the letter for a third time. Instead she
finds the TV remote and presses On. An evening news report about a school bond
proposal. She picks up the VCR remote, presses Rewind until the machine stops,
then hits Play. For the second time today the crude video plays on the 25-inch
screen. The sound is poor, but that doesn't matter. Her face emotionless,
Patricia manages to watch the tape for almost six minutes before throwing up.
*
"Oh, he's such a hero!" Tony says. He gestures with his hands for dramatic
effect. "He stops a 747 from crashing and it's all 'My hero!' He catches those
crooks in Jersey by freezing that lake solid and it's 'He's so brave and
courageous!' Or, like last week, he strolls as calm as you please into a burning
building and rescues a couple dozen welfare mamas and their brats and
everybody's all 'Oooooh! He's so wonderful and daring and our capital-fuckin'-H
Hero!' "
Frank nods. "Mmm," he says. A pigeon lands on a girder below their feet.
Frank watches how it sticks its head under a wing when it's scratching an itch.
"Look," Tony says a little louder. "The way I see it is, if he can do all
this superhuman shit and it doesn't cost him anything, where's the hero in that?
He stops a runaway subway from going kablooey, but he doesn't break a sweat, so
how is that any more heroic than me saving an anthill from being stepped on?"
The pigeon flies off again. Frank studies the way it banks in the air. "I
hear he's gay," he says.
"Who?"
"What do you mean 'who'? Him."
"Him? No way." From 55 stories above the pavement, Tony looks all around
over the city before whispering, "Where'd you hear that?"
"People. It makes sense. He could have any girl he wants, right? He could
have, you know, Pamela Anderson, or even the Penthouse Pet of the Year."
"Did you see that video with Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee? Man."
"See there, that's my point. That guy can have any woman, any woman at
all. But do you ever — ever — see him with a fine babe on his arm?"
"Or more than one. Man, I'd like that."
"Right. But no, you don't see that with him. Nobody does. Why do you think
that is?"
Tony starts to speak. Stops. He rubs something off the tip of his nose and
says, "Just because we don't see it don't mean it's not true."
Frank checks his watch. 6:20. The sun is setting into the top of that
high-rise apartment building a quarter-mile to the west.
Tony thinks, rather triumphantly, that the conversation has concluded.
Finally Frank says, "Well, I've seen him up close. So I have my reasons
for certain conclusions."
This gets Tony sitting up straight. "Oh, yeah. Heard about that. What,
some sort of terrorist thing or whatever, right?" He is alarmed by Frank's
reaction: tense and rigid, a vein bulging in the neck, and for a second he's
afraid that Frank is angry with him.
Frank looks away from Tony. After a while he says, "Bank job. But they
were terrorists, yeah. Had more heavy artillery than the Montana Militia. You
should've seen the Heinsbaum MR-70 the leader was carrying. It was a beauty, all
right."
"So, what happened? Did you get to talk to, you know—? Did he shoot those
lasers from his eyes or what?"
"Well, first off you got to know that he wasn't there until late. I mean,
those sons of bitches had their firepower out and could've wasted everyone in
the room before he showed up. In fact, one more minute and I would've taken out
the leader myself. While everyone else was on the floor all scared and
sweatin'—"
"I'd be shittin' my pants."
"They had everybody on the floor, and they thought I was harmless like the
rest of 'em. That was their first mistake. I learned a few handy tricks in the
army—"
"Like what? What tricks?"
"How to kill a man before he knows you're even there. How to move fast,
like a cat—"
"What, Special Forces? Commando training?"
"Something like that. Anyway, there I was, on the floor but all crouched
and ready to spring into action. I mean, all those people were counting on me,
you know? It was all up to me and I had this plan where I'd get the leader in a
headlock, take his gun and put the barrel to his fuckin' head and tell his goons
to back off and drop their weapons."
"Shit, Bruce Willis oughtta play you in the movie."
"Well, that's what I would've done if that son of a bitch hadn't flew in
and fucked it up."
"That bastard."
"Boy, I was ready and had everything under control."
Tony knuckle-punches Frank in the shoulder. "Now that woulda been heroic."
"Damn right."
"You coulda got yourself killed. But you risked your life anyway and
didn't need that guy comin' in and messing up your plan."
"Hell, he coulda caused more danger just by showing up. One of the
shooters opened up on him with a machine gun."
"No shit?"
"What if one of them bullets hit somebody else, huh? The place was full of
old ladies and little kids. One ricochet and bam! That's the end of one
valued customer."
Tony exhales as if he's exhausted from the experience. "But no one got
hurt, right?"
"Yeah," said Frank. "But that's not the point."
"And he caught the bad guys, right?"
"Of course he did. What else he gonna do?"
"Did you get a good look at him?"
"Sure. He shook my hand before he left and said it's people like me that
make his job easier."
"Was he sweatin'? Did he have a scar where the bullets hit him?"
Frank pauses. "No."
"Then there's what I'm sayin'. He ain't no hero if he's not in any danger
himself. However, you, my friend, were a hero for even thinkin' about taking
those bastards out. You coulda done it, then you woulda been on the news and in
the papers. But for that guy—"
"—it was nothing special."
"Exactly. That's what I'm sayin'."
Frank watches the sun disappear behind the apartment building. He studies
its backlit façade, and Tony tries to figure out what Frank is looking for down
around its 40th floor. Tony gives up when Frank says, "I think he's a fag."
"How can you tell?"
"The way he looked at me when he shook my hand. All intense like."
"Yeah, that's happened to me. Gives me the creeps."
"But with this guy, what can you do?"
"Nothin'"
"Damn right. Just ignore it."
Tony nods. "Yep. Besides, what's with that outfit?"
"That too."
"Dead giveaway."
Nicole doesn't feel good about mailing that first videotape. But it was
the right thing to do. There is pain, and then there is pain. Her conscience
would have never stopped speaking if she hadn't made the copy and put it in
yesterday morning's mail. She got his real address by calling his boss at the
construction site and saying she was his long-lost sister in the city for a
surprise visit. She's never been an "other woman" before.
The second tape she's making now, this one won't be mailed to anyone.
She first met him last autumn in the least romantic of places: the teller
line at the bank during an armed robbery. She was there to make a transfer from
her savings account to her checking account. The ATM was out of order, so she
had to come inside and deal with people. He was two strangers ahead of her,
waiting to deposit a pay check. He was good-looking in a rugged sort of way,
tanned and obviously worked outdoors. His hands looked large and rough and that
aroused her a little. Tiny fantasies, nothing more, just like everyone has. Even
now she has to rationalize the events that led to her, at this moment, preparing
the second videotape.
Like all bank lines, this one moved with annoying slowness. Hurry up!
, she thought at the old ladies and wrinkly men standing in front of the
tellers. She knew it wasn't their fault but it felt good to think that anyway.
Two strangers ahead of her, Mr. Outdoors shifted his weight from his left foot
to his right. Nice butt in those jeans.
Then somebody screamed.
The first robber's face was hidden behind a plastic Charlie Chaplin mask.
He shouted that everyone should lay on the floor now. You mean lie, Nicole said
in her head. A panic reaction. With everyone else she dropped to the floor,
palms flat on the cool tiles. Her heart hurt in her chest. Her brand new powder
blue Saks blouse was getting dirty.
The masked robber was armed with a what looked like an ultra-modern
machine gun, one of those new military things as portable as a toy but very real
and deadly. She'd seen one like it in a spy movie. Another man, she couldn't see
him, shouted that everything would be all right as long as everyone cooperated.
A third voice mumbled something incoherent to the second. How many were there?
Nicole heard the metal-on-metal rattle of armaments. They demanded access to the
safety deposit boxes. Fast! shouted Machine Gun Man.
Fingers brushed her right hand. Mr. Outdoors lay near her, crying and
mumbling don't shoot me don't shoot me please don't shoot me. His hand
twitched as he gulped down sobs, his fingers accidentally touching hers. His
eyes were clenched shut, so he did not notice her. She could smell his sweat.
During the next few minutes, when fear came close to taking over her
consciousness, she concentrated on the lines of his face and focused with
absolute intensity on the what she imagined his voice was like.
Wind mussed her hair. Wind? She looked away from Mr. Outdoors and turned
her head slightly, just enough to look up and see him standing before Machine
Gun Man. His tights and cape looked more impressive in real life than they did
on TV or in magazines. The muscles beneath the tights bulged in beautiful smooth
lines like a Renaissance statue. His black hair glistened under the fluorescent
ceiling lights. He was superb. His gaze was coolly fixed on Machine Gun Man.
Pow! His left arm moved so fast the air snapped. At that same instant a
gunshot exploded behind her. You couldn't tell which happened first: the gunshot
or the blurred flash of his arm. Didn't matter — his left fist was extended at
shoulder height, and he opened his fingers and dropped a flattened wad of lead
to the cool tiles inches from Nicole's right hand.
A smeary streak of color blew like a benign tornado through the room for
four seconds. On the fifth second, five plastic-masked men sat unconscious and
propped doll-like against the wall of teller stations. Their weapons had been
pretzel-twisted together and placed near the security guards who, Nicole found
out during that evening's news, had been sleep-gassed before they could take
action. The hero helped the bank manager and the elderly patrons to their feet,
told everyone that the danger was past and everything was fine, then flew out
the front doors and up out of sight. A wailing police siren grew nearer.
Minutes later, she asked Mr. Outdoors if he was all right. He turned away
from her, hiding his face and wiping it with his hands. Then he turned to her
and said yes. She said she was too, covering the anxiety and fear that still dug
its teeth into her. His hand still shook. She surprised herself by reaching out
and patting it and telling him that she sure was glad that was all over. He
nodded. She said her name was Nicole. He told her his was Frank. His voice was
deeper than she had imagined. When she noticed his wedding ring, her heart sank
a little. Figures.
Now, today, ten months later, Nicole stands half-naked looking out the
window through a video camera mounted on a tripod. She aims the camera on the
two tiny men on the high-rise girder. She zooms the lens until the features of
the bigger man are almost recognizable.
Patricia watches the video, the one she received in the mail, watches its
entire 40 minutes for a third time, although now her finger is on the Fast
Forward button a lot. She compares her body to the younger woman's on the tape
and it doesn't make her feel one way or another. The tape is not particularly
flattering to Frank, who's put on the pounds in spite of his time at the gym and
on the job. Frank's pride in his body was part of what attracted her to him
twelve years ago. Patricia studied psychology during the two years she went to
college, so she understands these things. Psychology and counseling, because
she'd wanted to help women who were like herself. Well, a lot of plans can get
pissed away over twelve years.
The video had been his idea, she's sure of that. He had suggested similar
"spice" to her more than once after he bought that damn camera. She always said
no. It was sick for him to even think it. Well, he finally found a tootsie
willing to be immortalized (as well as other things) on tape for him. According
to the time stamp, they recorded these activities three weeks ago. A Wednesday
night, of course. It's in a private bedroom, a fancy city high-rise (the
curtains aren't completely closed, probably an extra kick). From the few moments
of conversation before they begin, it's clear that they've been here before.
She watches impassively. It's as if both figures moving on the screen are
strangers. Sometimes Frank brings home tapes from the adult video rental place
down the block, and that's fine (she considers herself broad-minded) though two
or more strangers going at it on the TV screen just doesn't do it for her. Now
in this one, the lighting is bad and the single unmoving camera makes it all
that much more tacky and amateurish.
And what do you know? The son of a bitch manages to get it up again.
Though it's obvious what does that for him: power games and displays of macho
dominance. Patricia almost feels sorry for that young thing with her husband. He
always did like asserting his "alpha" qualities. For years after their marriage,
Frank had occasionally hinted at new kinds of "play" during their own
love-making. She gently refused, finding no pleasure in that sort of power
shifting. Recently she talked him into taking one of those magazine personality
quizzes. It had dubbed each of them a "warrior" and they both had a good chuckle
over that. Privately, it confirmed what she has come to believe: that she has
changed during the past twelve years. Her dependence on pills and hotlines and
the wrong men has been over for — for a long time now. She enjoys realizing
that.
With her he could, when he tried, be genuinely tender and giving and
sharing. There's none of that on display here. Watching, Patricia feels nothing.
Certainly not surprise.
She doesn't bother to rewind the tape when it's over.
*
"My daughter, Jennifer," Tony says, "She got an A on her report. She cut
pictures of him from magazines and made a . . . what's she call it? . . . a
collage. You shoulda seen it. She just loves him."
Frank grunts, dismissing Tony with a sound. Tony sees that he's touched a
nerve. "She says she's going to marry him. Is that cute or what?"
Frank says nothing, but his face goes hard and Tony changes the subject.
"My little girl. Sure is growing up. Things have changed since her mom and me
divorced. Yeah. Everything has. Things would be different now." But Frank isn't
listening. Instead, he's looking out over the city. Tony waves a hand out toward
the south, toward the crowded heart of the metropolis. "Makes you wonder what he
does on his days off. You know, they say he lives a double life, as a real
person with a disguise and a secret identity and shit. So maybe he does have
girls and, you know."
Frank finally speaks. "Yeah, maybe he's me. Maybe I'm his 'secret
identity' and all I have to do is push you off this beam and down you go, and I
have the choice of flying down and saving your sorry ass or letting you grease
the sidewalk."
"Hey, relax, man. I'm just sayin' is all." Tony thinks about what it would
be like to have a secret life. To be one thing to some people and something
completely different to other people. That would be sweet, you bet. If you did
it for the right reasons. Tony recalls the years when his daughter was just a
baby, and the reasons why her mom wanted to divorce him.
For what feels like a long time they watch the city from their superior
vantage point. Below them, for miles in all directions, a great city gets ready
for the evening and the Independence Day weekend. From up here city noises blend
and roar like sounds inside a giant seashell.
Suddenly Tony points due south. "Look!" Frank follows his point and sees
the flying man heading this way, flying a path as straight as an I-beam and
higher than a diddly 55 stories. "Up in the sky," Tony sing-songs. "It's a bird!
It's a goddamn plane!" He laughs.
"He could have it all," Frank says. "What kind of a man is it who could
have everything — he could take what he wants, be President of the United
States, hell he could be king of the whole fucking planet and no one could do a
damn thing about it. What kind of a man lets that go to waste? He could have
every thing and every body he ever wanted. And what does he
do? Saves goddamn old ladies and makes asses out of the rest of us, makes us
look weak and, and—" His voice trails off. He looks away from the sky, begins
packing up his gear for his trip home.
Tony shrugs. "Like you say, he's a fuckin' alien, so who knows why? But, I
dunno, maybe that's what it's all about, bein' a hero." He stops. Gauges his
words with effort. "It's not what you can do, it's what you don't do,
y'know, even when you can. Maybe that's what it really means. Y'know?"
Frank ignores him.
Tony smirks and says in a deep voice, "The waters run deep when you stir
'em."
Frank scowls. "The waters, asshole, are full of shit."
They both laugh as the flying figure passes directly over the apartment
building a quarter-mile to the west.
Nicole has the camera aimed at herself. She is on the bed and naked. All
the lights are on so the camera can see everything, including the fading bruises
around her right eye and the blacker bruises on her arms and thighs.
She speaks to the camera, addressing Frank by name. She rambles from
thought to thought without a plan for what she's going to say. She talks about
what first attracted her to him: His good looks and maturity. His revealing
vulnerability in the bank, which made her want to comfort him. She's a giving
person, everyone says so. His explosive animal energy during their sex that
first evening, aggressive and forceful and so masculine as if he had something
to prove. Three months after they began the affair, during the only rendezvous
where they got really drunk together, he told her to never mention his "failure"
in the bank. So she mentions it now. She wants it to hurt. Why not? It's not as
if he's happily married, so this past Wednesday, when she brought up her need
for a real commitment from him, he shouldn't have gotten so angry. He said cruel
things to her, things meant only to hurt. Although she had long ago grown used
to little tortures, she ended up in tears and agreed with him that it was all
her fault. He called her a pity junkie. He accused her of manipulating him like
she did other men. He was right. She always did that.
She tells him that she feels so sorry for his wife. What's her name?
Patty, he had said. She tells him that Patty has the first tape they made three
weeks ago. And a letter telling her everything. Nicole says she doesn't want to
cause any more unnecessary pain, but sending the tape and the letter, that was
necessary. Patty needs to know what kind of a man she's married to. Nicole hears
her voice getting slurred and blurry.
Five years ago, living with a boyfriend in Michigan, on a day when
something brought back the black, shattering depression for the first time in
almost a year, she swallowed what was left in a bottle of sleeping pills. The
boyfriend came home from work to find her semi-conscious on the floor. He rushed
her to the nearest hospital, where they pumped her stomach and made her fill out
a lot of forms. She refused to see a counselor. Days later, talking about the
incident had led to a quarrel. He said she obviously hadn't meant to kill
herself or else she would have taken a larger dose. This enraged her and her
tantrum was so loud the neighbors called the police. They broke up that week.
Ever since, she has had to prove that she can follow through with anything she
puts her mind to.
This, now, is no exception. Twenty minutes ago she popped the plastic lid
off another bottle of pills. A half-empty glass of water is on the nightstand,
leaving a ring on her father's expensive wood furniture. She pours the other
half of the bottle's contents into the glass and wraps her fingers tight around
it.
The phone on the nightstand rings. Slowly she turns her head to look at
it. It's probably a wrong number or a telemarketer or someone from work
wondering why she didn't go in today. Maybe she should answer it just so the
last voice she hears won't be her own. Or not. She has to follow through, to
show her father and Frank and all the others that she doesn't need them anymore.
The answering machine is unplugged so the ringing goes on and on and on.
She wishes it would just stop. Then, as if someone had read her thoughts, it
does. She looks beyond the phone and out the window. The sky is darker now, but
she can see a familiar flying shape high above the skyline. Flying a straight
path from south to north, the perfect man is looking for victims more deserving
of his attention. Just like at the bank, he's not looking for her at all. Within
a minute he approaches this part of the city, a graceful missile. He passes
directly over her building and is out of sight. So much for goddamn heroes. She
raises her glass toward the ceiling. Thanks for everything. She laughs a little
and is too tired to wipe her mouth though she'd really like to and the video
camera catches it all and the goddamn phone rings again . . . .
Patricia Stropaugh has her luggage packed. On the TV is a note she has
written to Frank, along with the taped-together letter that arrived this
morning. She can imagine how hard it must have been to write that letter. The
videotape that came with it is in her purse, which is in her hand. Her note
mentions the name and number of her lawyer.
In a magazine, maybe it was Time, she had read about an experiment
involving two groups of mice. The mice were under scientific observation, both
groups in identical conditions and trained to perform an identical task. The
task was that somewhere in their cage there was a lever they must press or nudge
or move in some way. The first group of mice got an electrical shock whenever
they moved the lever. Every time. The second group got the same thing, only
every once in a while, whether at regular or irregular intervals, they got a
piece of cheese or a treat of some sort.
The first group, the one that got electrocuted every time, they eventually
stopped performing the task. That group learned to stay away. The second group
always went back. They just kept going back. Until they died.
Nothing in the article said whether or not a mouse from the first group
ever tried to help a mouse from the second group. Probably didn't. They were,
after all, only mice.
In the taped-up letter is a phone number that Patricia dialed just moments
ago. She let the ringing go on and on and on before giving up. She should just
get the hell out and forget about that girl — that slut, that bitch — in the
letter, on the videotape. Instead, something pushes her to dial the number a
second time. She walks to the balcony carrying the phone. Above the construction
site and other high-rises midtown, a tiny moving speck is silhouetted against
the early evening sky. This time the phone on the other end picks up . . . .