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Chapter Four

Taheed looked out the huge window at the bright red and gold striped sunset and smiled. "Exquisite!" he exclaimed, waving his handless arms around in circles. "Don't you think so, son?"

"Oh, yeah, great," Taleed said with no enthusiasm. He sat staring not at the sunset, but at a spot on the floor.

"Can't you enjoy anything?" Taheed turned an annoyed face to his son. "Must you continue to walk around the palace with your chin dragging on the ground? Haven't you punished me enough?"

"I have a right to disagree with your policies, Father, and I very heartily disagree with this latest trend."

"Oh, yes, how terrible! The kingdom grows richer each day . . ."

"It's the way we grow richer that bothers me. Father, you are selling our people into slavery. I do not trust the motives of this Reliance. I do not think they are dealing with us in good faith," Taleed said. "For generations the priests warned us against trade with the Reliance. Slowly, reluctantly they agreed to trade lizard skins, beads, other handmade items to the Reliance for farm implements, utensils, and light bulbs. Now, however, they push us to trade our people for this gold metal. How does this serve the people? How does it serve us? We are taught that The Ancestor wanted nothing to do with the Reliance. There had to be a reason for it, and a reason for the priests to be reluctant to trade with them."

"And there is a reason for us to trade with them now," Taheed said in an exasperated voice.

"Father . . . They are taking all our best warriors. What's to stop them from waiting till most of our good fighters are gone and descending on us in droves? Conquering and enslaving us all as they have done to countless other worlds," Taleed said.

"Son . . . Someday you will be King. You must learn to make the tough decisions. I think you are losing sight of the big picture. We have an over-population problem. A problem so big that not even constant war can keep the numbers of the peasants down. The Reliance has gold metal. They have fabrics that we need and also metal and electrical utensils that will help our people. Perhaps the priests will have no need to order wars if there are less of us to feed. Surely it is much more profitable to our people to make war on some other planet. The outcome is ultimately the same – a lower population."

"Surely some form of birth control is preferable to enslavement or war!" Taleed argued. "There are several ways to keep from reproducing. If we know when a woman is fertile, we also know when she is not. A man could remove his member before . . ."

"Blasphemy!" Taheed screamed holding his stumps over his ears. "We are here because we were chosen by the gods to be gods. The priests know what is good and what is true. They speak the will of the gods. Birth control is an abomination . . ."

"Do you even listen to yourself, Father? Birth control is an abomination, but making our people fight wars to keep from starving and selling them to the Reliance to die at alien hands, fighting a battle which isn't ours . . . these things are blessed in the eyes of the gods?"
"How dare you question me? I am a god!" his father screamed back.

"You are no more a god than the things that belch smoke in the mountain. There are no gods. There is no magic. These beliefs have stuck us in a rut and kept us from progressing to a position which would allow us to fight the Reliance on their own terms if they decided to try to take us over," he said with passion. "The priests decided it was all right to deal with the Reliance after generations of saying they were evil. They made this decision for one reason and for one reason only – they were afraid not to. Now they trade our people for gold metal, not because of what the gods have told them, but because they like gold metal! They have forgotten the reasons why we did not trade with the Reliance; they have forgotten the reason that The Ancestor hated them. The truth . . . The truth that you all hide is that there are no gods. Just the greed of priests and kings playing on the superstitious nature of a people they have purposefully kept ignorant of technology."

The King still held the ends of his stumps over his ears. "Blasphemy! I will not hear it from one whom the gods themselves have chosen to rule . . ."

"Chosen, Father? Don't you mean maimed? Don't talk to me of being chosen, or tell me how blessed I am to have servants who do everything from feeding me to wiping the dung from my bottom. I grow tired of hearing the lies."

"Enough!" the King screamed finally taking his stumps from his ears. "Why must you grieve me so? Why do you hate your life? You have everything a man could need. Everything a man could ask for . . ."

"I don't have hands!" Taleed screamed then turned on his heel and headed for the door. The mute, illiterate servant standing there opened the door for him, and when he went through closed it behind him. Taleed stomped all the way down the hall to his room. At his door another mute,

illiterate servant opened the door, followed him in, and closed it behind them. The mute stood at the door, silently awaiting his next order – either spoken or implied.

Taleed was in a rage; he kicked a chair across the room then jumped around on one foot. Finally he flopped onto his bed.

"Everything I want! Everything I want!" Taleed screamed at the ceiling his nostrils flaring. He held up his handless arms and glared at them. Then he turned to talk to the servant. "Chosen! Chosen! What a royal joke! Some sick priest comes on the day of the birth of the King's children. If the sacramental knife feels heavy, then Chop! they cut off the child's hands to show that he is chosen and therefore never has to work. I was chosen to be handless just as you my friend were chosen to be mute. Some sick priest saw a different sparkle in our eyes than he had in the siblings that were born before us, and so whack! They deform you and ruin you for anything but what they wanted you to do. Which, in essence, is to help them make the people into puppets."

"They cut out your tongue before you had a chance to know if you could sing, and they cut off my hands before I knew what it was like to pick fruit from a bush, hold a friend's hand or throw a rock. They say the procedure causes little pain, but what do they know of my pain? The pain I feel when I see lovers holding each other, gladiators in mock warfare, or even the simple act of a child throwing a ball. All of these things were stolen from me as your ability to speak was stolen from you."

The man nodded his head and made hand signals that only the two of them could read. Haldeed had been with him as long as Taleed could remember; he was his personal servant and his best friend. Haldeed was his hands, and he was Haldeed's voice. They'd had this talk many times before because both were unhappy with their lots in life. Haldeed said what he often did. That someday Taleed would be King, and when he was in charge he could change all the rules.

"But my father is not an old man, and he is in good health. I may be old and gray before I come to power, and then what life is left to either of us? No! We must leave here and go out on our own. Start anew someplace far from the palace where no one knows us," Taleed said. "We must have an adventure.

Haldeed took a deep breath and tried to talk sense to his old friend. He reminded him that they had run away six times before and had been caught every single time in no more than a few hours. It hardly seemed worth the effort to him. He reminded Taleed how hard it was to hide a handless man and a mute.

"Ah, but last time we did hide longer than ever before, and I think we grow wiser with age. Let us at least try again. If nothing else it will give us a break from palace boredom."

* * *

Once again Haldeed found himself digging through his wardrobe and dressing himself and the Prince in the simple sleeveless tunics made of rough linen that were worn by the peasants.

"Oh, and I need a pair of gloves," Taleed said.

Haldeed shot him a strange look and then laughed making the one sound he could make that sounded close to normal.

"I'm not kidding," Taleed said. "I've got an idea."

Haldeed found a pair of old gloves and held them out to Taleed with a questioning look on his face.

"Stuff them full of cotton or something. We'll glue them to the ends of my stumps, and then it will look like I have hands," Taleed said.

Haldeed nodded his head in excitement. They would probably only be caught again, but at the very least they might have a few hours of adventure. While looking for some cotton and glue he found some old wire. He rushed back to Taleed in excitement. He put a piece of wire into one to the fingers of the glove and bent it. He looked at Taleed's face to see what he thought, and Taleed smiled.

"Great idea, Haldeed. We can pose my hands – make them look more real. We can even change them every once in awhile."

It took a while for Haldeed to construct the 'hands,' but when he had glued them onto the Prince's arms they looked real enough.

Taleed was silent for a moment as he looked down his arms at the fake hands. He found himself filled with emotion. "I . . . I look like a whole person."

Haldeed made hand signals.

"Yes, we just might make it this time. Come on. Let's go."

* * *

RJ walked through the ship with Poley at her side. "I should have known looking at the size of the hold that this was no cargo ship," RJ said thoughtfully as they looked into yet another long narrow bunk hall.

"I knew," Poley said matter-of-factly.

"Then why didn't you say something, tin pants?" RJ asked harshly.

"You didn't ask," Poley said shrugging.

RJ sighed and popped herself in the head with the palm of her hand.

"Why do you do that?" Poley asked curiously.

"Because it feels so good when I quit," RJ explained with a grin.

"Hum. . . disposable plastic wrapping on all the beds," RJ said under her breath. "Probably no chance of getting any decent samples in here."

"I can hardly hear you," Poley said. "Why are you whispering?"

"I'm not whispering, and I'm not talking to you," RJ snapped back. She usually had more patience with Poley. She didn't know why she felt so edgy. It was true she didn't like to be surprised, and she sure as hell didn't like changing her plans at the last minute, but it wasn't like she wasn't used to having odd pieces thrown in where they didn't belong. On the contrary, if everything had gone perfectly according to plans then she would have been really worried.

She started looking under mattresses to see if perhaps something had been missed in the cleaning.

"Who are you talking to then?" Poley asked as he followed her looking under the bottom mattresses as she looked under the top.

"Huh?" RJ asked.

"If you aren't talking to me, then who are you talking to?" Poley asked again.

RJ sighed knowing what her answer would do to his circuits. "I was talking to myself, Poley."

"That doesn't make any sense, RJ. Talking to your self is a sign of mental instability," he said with as much concern as he was able to convey.

"I never claimed to be mentally stable, Poley. In fact I've taken being crazy to its highest possible level!" RJ shrieked coming to the end of her patience.

"Oh," Poley said simply.

"What is that supposed to mean?" RJ snapped at him.

"Nothing," Poley said quickly.

"Don't you nothing me, metal head. What did you mean by, 'Oh?'"

"You're acting irrationally, you're irritated and nervous, obviously you're cycling," Poley said.

"Poley . . ." RJ laughed, stopped what she was doing and moved to put an arm across his shoulders. "Poley I don't have periods, you know that."

"You don't bleed from your sexual organs that's true, but you do have hormonal cycles. I've noted them; would you like to see a chart?" Poley asked helpfully.

RJ pulled away from him stiffening. "So basically what you're saying is that while Stewart made me incapable of reproducing, he didn't do away with my PMS. Now isn't that just fucking beautiful? Doesn't that just figure in?"

She stomped out of the bunkroom, and Poley followed. "Do you want to have babies, RJ?" Poley asked curiously.

"It doesn't really matter what I want," RJ hissed. "Just like everything else, it was decided for me before I was born, from the way I look to what I'd do. There was never any chance that I'd be anything but a soldier; it was built into my biological make up. I'd have PMS, but I wouldn't have any babies. I'd be damn near indestructible. I'd out live everyone . . ."

"Except me," Poley said with a smile.

"Talking to myself or talking to a robot – what's the difference!" she screamed at him.

He stopped in his tracks and looked down at his feet looking genuinely rejected.

"I'm . . . I'm sorry, Poley. God, I don't know what's gotten into me today." She moved to hug him.

"It's just the PMS," Poley said. He even patted her on the back.

"I think it has a lot to do with leaving Earth. It makes it all seem so final." She shrugged and moved away from him.

"We will miss Mickey," Poley said.

"Yes," RJ said. "We will miss Mickey. And as stupid as it may sound I think I am going to miss staring out at what used to be Alsterase and remembering all that I have lost."

"Maybe remembering what you have lost reminds you of what you had, and what you had was good," Poley said.

RJ realized that he was right and felt doubly guilty for having screamed at him. In many ways he often acted more human than she did.

* * *

Janad awoke to the sound of movement in the mess hall. She looked out the crack in the door and saw a white headed woman and a stiff, dark headed man removing the bodies. They left and then came back for another load. Janad took a long look at the female; she was not like any being Janad had ever seen before. Not like them and not like the Reliance people, and neither was the male. She remembered talk of the other aliens the ones the Reliance fought with and deduced that these must be those aliens. Except that they spoke the Reliance tongue, and that didn't seem to make any sense. Besides the others had looked like Reliance. In fact this man looked Reliance, it was the way he moved that was all wrong. He was quick but stiff, and strong but his muscles didn't expand or contract with movement. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something peculiar about him.

The woman turned then, and Janad was sure that the woman had found her. She was a beautiful creature, tall and well muscled. Obviously she was no stranger to combat. She moved with the grace of an animal stalking prey. Her hair was as white as anything Janad had ever seen, her eyes as blue, and her skin was a beautiful bronze. She wore a sleeveless black jump suit and black boots. There was a chain wrapped around her waist, and in the coils of the chain was a weapon similar to what the Reliance men carried – only much bigger.

The male was still moving, and the woman put a hand on his chest. "Listen," she ordered, and he stopped.

"There is someone in the room with us," he said matter-of-factly.

Janad froze. How could they know? She hadn't moved a muscle, hadn't made a sound except for her breath and the beating of her heart. She held her breath and watched through the crack as they moved closer. They knew right where she was. She had to take action, and it had to be quick.

When they were almost to the locker she kicked the door open and jumped, springing like a cat from her perch on the locker floor. She started to jump at two feet above the deck and sailed through the air and over their heads. She landed clean and took off running. They followed.

* * *

"Boys we've got company, and she's heading your way. Catch her alive," RJ ordered over her wrist communicator.

"I'm trying to pilot a ship here, RJ!" Levits replied angrily.

"Then I wasn't talking to you, was I," RJ spat back. "She's heading for the hold. You can cut her off if you move now."

* * *

Janad would have made a jump for the tiles and the relative safety of the service grid, but the woman was right behind her and gaining ground fast. She rounded a corner, and an older man grabbed her. She elbowed him in the ribs and escaped, but the second man was younger and stronger, and he grabbed hold of her wounded arm. She slung her fist into his face.

"You fucking little bitch!" he screamed doubling over with pain as the blood poured from his nose.

The woman was almost upon her; she jumped up and through one of the tiles, heading for the safety of the service grid. But before she had time to know what was happening the woman was in the small space with her. She jumped on Janad, and they both went crashing through the ceiling onto the floor. The blond woman landed on the bottom, and Janad expected the woman's grip on her shoulders to at least relax a little, but it didn't. When she looked into the face of her opponent, the woman was smiling as if she had won some great victory. If she was hurt at all in the fall she wasn't showing it. These two things together really made Janad angry, and while she knew there was no escape she kicked the woman in the shins hard anyway.

To Janad's added frustration and astonishment the woman just laughed at her, then in one motion, she jumped to her feet hauling Janad with her.

Even this show of strength didn't stop Janad from fighting to get free. She kicked at her opponent and squirmed in her arms.

* * *

"It's a GSH!" David screamed pulling his weapon.

"It's not a GSH," RJ laughed. "Put your weapon away." She looked the girl over. Her hair was short and curly. She was well muscled, and her brown skin shone with the sweat from her exertion. She was only five-six, obviously wounded and probably sick, yet she was still stronger than any of the men RJ had with her. She wore a simple loin-cloth made of red cotton fabric and a short vest made of reptile skin that was laced up the front with a piece of leather thong. There were three strings of large glass beads around her throat. Her hands were callused, her vision quick and challenging, and her stance that of a battle veteran. RJ was sure that the girl had seen combat or had at the very least been combat trained.

"She's an attractive creature," RJ said conversationally.

"What the hell is she?" David asked wiping the blood from his nose and face.

"She's a Beta 4 humanoid," Poley said. He put one hand on David's forehead, grabbed his nose with his other hand and gave a sharp tug putting David's nose back where it belonged.

"God damn it, Poley!" David hollered, taking the handkerchief Poley offered and holding it to his nose.

"It was busted," Poley defended.

"You might have said something before you did it," David whined. His vision was still blurred, and he felt like the bleeding would never stop. He leaned his head back. "She's an alien then?"

"Yes," RJ said matter-of-factly.

Topaz was still doubled over trying to catch his breath. He glanced up at the girl and took a double take. "That's no alien," Topaz said forcing himself to straighten. His cracked ribs were already starting to heal. "That, boys and girls, is a black woman."

"Well, duh," David said. "We can tell that she's female and that she's black."

"She's brown," Poley corrected.

"I know what you mean," RJ said looking at Topaz curiously. "Like those people in some of the old pictures that Marge showed us. You said there used to be lots of them."

"That's right," Topaz said. "Among their many faults The Reliance are also white supremacists. They were white, and so they wanted an all-white race. They gave fewer breeding permits to the blacks, Orientals, and Hispanics. Then they very carefully crossbred everyone so that we eventually wound up being basically the same color. If they have their way, in another hundred years everyone will basically be the color of our good friend Levits."

"But Topaz . . . how would a black human wind up on Beta 4?" RJ asked. Not even seeming to notice the squirming girl in her arms.

"I'm sure I don't know. Perhaps like you, RJ, she is a hybrid, taking all her external makeup from the one race." Topaz drew nearer and looked at the girl closely. "I'm telling you, RJ, I'm sure that this creature is no more alien than you are. Maybe a hybrid, but at least part of her heritage is human."

"She is hurt," Poley said as he moved forward and touched the wound taking a good look. The girl howled in pain.

"See? She doesn't like it any better than I did," David said glaring at Poley.

"It's infected," Poley informed.

Topaz looked at the wound and nodded. "We may have to sedate her happy ass in order to take care of it."

"Topaz, if she isn't human – and you can't be sure that she is – something that might sedate us might very well kill her," RJ said.

"That is correct," Poley agreed.

"Like the Pronuses you take," David said showing his understanding.

"I ran a quick scan on the tissue sample I found in the hold. Their DNA is different than human DNA," Poley said.

"Every living creature's DNA is different, tin pants," Topaz said. "A black human's DNA is going to be different than the homogenized DNA of Reliance-bred humans, but we're all still human. Except you."

* * *

Janad listened to them talk. She couldn't understand everything they said. They talked faster than the Reliance people had, and they used what she assumed were slang words, but she did understand that they wanted to take care of her wounded arm. Obviously at least for the moment they meant her no harm. She quit squirming.

"Finally give up, huh?" the woman said with a laugh.

"Yes. You are stronger than I am."

They all stared at her.

"She speaks Reliance," the older man said, sounding more than a little shocked.

"If they've been trading with the Reliance it makes sense that some of them would," the woman said thoughtfully. "So. girl, why did you run?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Janad answered. "I no longer know who the enemy is."

The woman released her. "As long as you don't try anything we aren't your enemy. Try anything stupid, and we'll kill you on the spot. Topaz, Poley, take our little friend down to the sickbay and see what you can do to fix her arm, and . . ."

"Run some tests while we're at it," the older man finished for her,

"Maybe David better go with you and at least get a shot for the pain. It wouldn't hurt him to get cleaned up, either," the woman said.

The stiff man took hold of her good arm and started to guide her down the hall. The older man and the man whose nose she'd broken followed them.

"So," the older man started, "my name is Topaz, this young man is Poley, and the man whose nose you just 'fixed' is David. Who may I ask are you?"

"Janad," she answered.

"That's a nice name," Topaz said. He smiled at her, and she realized she had nothing to fear from him. On the other hand the man who held her by her arm made her more uncomfortable by the minute. She tried to jerk out of his grip and found that she couldn't. What was more he seemed not to notice at all. Every time she looked at the one they called David he shot daggers at her from his eyes. She couldn't really blame him; if someone had busted her nose she wouldn't have been too quick to get chummy with them either.

"Poley, let the girl go," Topaz said. "She's not going to try to get away again." He looked at her then. "You aren't going to try to get away, are you?"

"No." She was glad when the strange man released her. She leaned close to Topaz and whispered, "What's wrong with him?"

Topaz laughed. "There's nothing wrong with him. Much to the contrary everything is right with him. In fact he just heard everything you said. He's a robot."

It must have been obvious by the look on her face that she didn't understand, because Topaz said, "He's made of metal and plastic and circuits. He's a machine that can think."

Janad looked at Poley again. Now that was the most absurd thing she had ever heard. He couldn't be a machine. Machines didn't look like people, and they most definitely did not think.

"Don't talk about him like he's not here," David said in a scolding tone.

"Thanks. David," Poley said looking at his feet.

"I'm sorry, Poley," Topaz said.

Janad looked at Poley; he looked sad. That was another thing machines didn't do; they didn't feel.

In the sickbay Topaz helped her to sit on one of the examining tables as Poley started to clean up and care for David's broken nose.

"Now this is going to sting a bit," Topaz said. He held a machine to her arm. It was the same as the thing the Reliance had used on her before taking her from the planet. She steeled herself for the pain, but found that it didn't hurt as badly when you weren't putting up a fight. Topaz looked at the data with a curious look on his face.

"Poley, could you come look at this?" Topaz asked.

Poley finished up what he was doing with David and walked over. David got up and wandered over to look out the porthole at space.

Poley looked at the data Topaz handed him.

"Beta 4 humanoid DNA," Poley said.

"Doesn't it look awfully familiar?"

"Yes, but . . ."

"Sometimes you can be such a computer, Poley," Topaz said in an exasperated tone.

David let out a sound that was almost a scream and jumped back from the porthole. Janad saw why as a naked body floated by. "What the hell!" he screamed.

"RJ must have opened the airlock to dump the dead bodies," Poley said matter-of-factly.

David shuddered and walked quickly away from the porthole. "Why did she strip them?"

"You know RJ. She hates to throw away anything she might need later," Topaz said.

"Why does she have to use that damn plasma blaster instead of a laser? It makes such a mess," David observed almost conversationally.

"I imagine that would be why," Topaz said with a laugh. "Come here, David, I need a blood sample."

"I think I've bled enough today. Couldn't you just take a piece of my hair if all you need is DNA?" David protested.

"Come on, Dave, humor an old man," Topaz said.

David held out his arm, and Topaz got the sample.

"See, Poley?" Topaz tapped on the screen as it showed a comparison of the two DNA samples.

"They aren't even close," Poley said.

Topaz sighed. "Oh, yes, they are. This girl is at least half human. Look more closely at the data. I can't put my finger on it, but there is something very familiar about her DNA."

"Wow," David groaned. "That has got to be the worst come-on line I have ever heard! I'm out ah here. Think I'll go lie down for awhile."

Poley nodded. "I do see many similarities and would have to agree that, yes, the subject is at least half human."

"Then I'm going to assume that it will be safe to treat her with the same medicine we would use on humans," Topaz said.

Janad watched as they cleaned the wound. They applied a salve, dressed it, and then Topaz put the thing back on her arm and she felt a slight sting. She trusted him. She didn't know why, but she did.

"I suggest you find a bunk and get some rest. RJ's going to have a lot of questions for you," Topaz said.

Janad nodded.

"Poley, put Janad in a convenient spot," Topaz ordered.

Poley nodded and started to walk away. Janad followed him reluctantly. She already felt better. He took her to a room close to the flight deck. Obviously it had been some big shot's quarters, as it held only one bed instead of sixty. She lay down. To her surprise Poley covered her up before he left. She closed her eyes and was almost instantly asleep.

* * *

RJ joined Levits on the flight deck.

"Is everything alright?" she asked as she sat beside him.

"Why don't you tell me?" Levits asked. "You've changed dicks right in the middle of a screw, and I really have no idea why."

"The Reliance is up to something on Beta 4. They're hauling something back from there, and it sure as hell isn't any livestock we're familiar with. We just caught a wounded Beta 4 humanoid on this ship, and it looks like she's been hiding here for a while. Now here's a good question. Did she hide to ride on the ship, or is she hiding to go back?"

"That doesn't make any sense," Levits said. "What would a Beta 4 humanoid be doing on Earth?"

"I think they're the 'livestock' the Reliance has been shipping in from Beta 4," RJ said.

"But why?" Levits asked. "Why would they do that? They have enough trouble feeding their own people on Earth right now. Why bring in more mouths to feed?"

"Levits, sometimes you think like a farm unit," RJ said in exasperation.

Levits shrugged. There was so much crap swimming through his brain right now that he would have gladly settled for half the brain of a common farm worker with which to work.

"How many Reliance troops did the New Alliance kill on Earth? Thousands? Hundreds of thousands? A large part of the reason they surrendered Zone 2-A to us was because their war with the Argys has escalated on two fronts and they can't afford to divert troops from space back to the home front. If they want to keep us from running over the rest of the planet, or if they want to take back what ground they have lost, they are going to have to have troops from somewhere," RJ explained. "There was a girl out there about Sandra's size, five-six, maybe weighs one-forty soaking wet. In a matter of seconds she had cracked Topaz' ribs and broken David's nose. I had to jump up in the service grid to catch her, and she was far from easy to hold. And get this, Levits, the girl was wounded and fevered. She'd probably been sick for a while from the looks of the wound and the extent of the infection. Looked like she'd been shot in the shoulder – probably by one of the security droids."

"Damn!" Levits said as realization dawned. "We'd better tell Mickey."

"Let's wait till we know for sure what's going on," RJ said. "No sense in causing panic if I'm wrong."

Levits nodded. "Well at least that explains the course change . . . Now, was that so hard?"

RJ smiled and stood up. She moved to rub his shoulders, and he stiffened instead of relaxing. "Relax, Levits, you ought to know by now that you can trust me." He relaxed slowly under her hands, and she continued to massage his neck and shoulders.

"It's hard to relax when I know you could snap my neck if you wanted to, and I have no idea where your head is any more, RJ. I didn't always want to go along with all your schemes, but at least there was some pattern to them. Some logic, now . . ." He pushed her hands gently away and swiveled his chair to face her. ". . . you royally piss me off."

"What!" RJ exclaimed. "What?"

"You heard me. You piss me off! Look at you. Your life isn't over, hell it hasn't even begun. But you've got a death wish, and you're hell-bent on taking the rest of us with you."

"Excuse me! I didn't want you to come. I didn't want any of you to come, you insisted . . ."

"Give me a big freaking break. You knew damn good and well that we were never going to let you go off on this crazy-assed mission half cocked, alone . . . Do you think I don't hurt? Do you think I don't have pain? I, however, am growing older. I don't have time to wallow for forty years in my grief because I'm just not going to live that long. In fact working with you I'll be lucky to live out the week. I want to have a life; is that some crime? But instead of finding some nice girl, settling down in the free zone and maybe having a couple of kids. I'm out here in freaking space where I never wanted to go again. I'm piloting a crappy ship, which is something I never wanted to do again. Why? I don't freaking know why!" He had wanted to say these things for a long time, so while he was trying not to scream, he just wasn't making it.

RJ was more than a little taken aback, and she didn't really know what to say. "I'm sorry, Levits, I didn't know you felt this way."

"You know what, RJ? Maybe that wouldn't sound like such bullshit if you weren't a freaking empath! I'd ask if you remembered what happened between us six months ago because you've never brought it up, except I know you have total recall, so I know damn good and well that you do."

RJ turned away from him to hide her anger. She couldn't believe he was bringing it up at all much less now.

"We almost had sex, RJ. But we didn't, because you put the brakes on and ran off. I didn't understand why you stopped it. It didn't make any sense to me at the time. I went and took a cold shower and tried to forget about it. But I know why you ran off now – because you might have enjoyed it. God forbid that anything should get in the way of your grieving off into infinity. God forbid that you might actually feel something for me – or anyone else for that matter. If you want to suffer forever that's fine do it, but quit making the rest of us suffer with you." Levits got out of his chair. "You watch the bridge. I know damn good and well that you can fly this thing as well as I can. So you sit here and watch it while I get something to eat and find a nice quiet place to beat off, because I am sick to death of taking orders from you. I'm sick to death of taking orders from anyone." He stomped out off the bridge as Poley walked in.

RJ took a deep breath as she looked at her brother. "And you thought I had PMS."

 

 

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Framed