Fifth Freedom (by John Alvarez)

to be found in the final war of the twentieth century none of the lighter elements present to some extent in all former struggles. It was a grimly determined fight against extinction from the first few months.

America presented the paradox of an absolute dictatorship

with full popular approval, and there was no place in the public mind for anything but the maximum effort from each individual. Conscientious objectors, while regarded as within their rights

“The Period of Discovery” Roget’s History of Man, Vol. Ill

Wearily, Tommy pulled the hard pillow farther under him, doubling it over in an attempt to find some support that would let him read in the dim light without carrying his weight on an aching arm. But it was no use. The pillow oozed out from under him, letting him down again, and the arm trembled as it took up the load. Soft living, without work and with his every want provided, had left him without the stamina to stand up under the enforced grueling grind of the machine through the long ten-hour stretch, even yet. He was too tired to harbor resentment against the government that had tagged him and probed him, then ordered him out here into the labor camp, away from his comforts, to do such unskilled work as was required of him, along with a motley collection of people of vague abilities and numerous reasons that made them unsuitable for military service.

War! Always and eternally, man went to war not only to destroy the aggressors but to ruin the lives of those whose only crime was a hatred of that war. They’d taken his rocket plane for civilian patrol, filled the newspapers with a hysterical frenzy of hatred, and pressed his favorite music off the air to make room for the propaganda of lust and savagery that seemed their glory; and the little people around him, who’d mostly prayed against it, now seemed to take pride in it, and to talk of nothing else.

He tried again to cut the blaring radio out, with its news and propaganda that neither interested nor impressed him, but dinned remorselessly into his ears, and turned back to the latest Astounding; it had arrived for him only today, and as yet he’d only glanced at the cover and readers’ corner. Hopefully, he began on the cover Story:

Major Elliot glanced up from the papers as the captain entered, nodded, and went on reading through the reports.

“Centralia’s moving up; big offensive at midnight tomorrow, Captain Blake. I want you to take six volunteers”

Damn! The boy’s lips tightened and he threw the magazine under his bunk, his raw nerves whipped by the fresh insult; even there, war!

All day, he’d been counting the hours and minutes until his shift went off and he could find release from the horrible reality, only to find science fiction as filled with it as all else. He jerked the lumpy pillow up, threw his head against it, and tried to drown out the mutter of voices behind him and rest. It was an hour yet until dinner, and perhaps in that time he could catch a brief nap.

Under him, there was a rustle in the lower bunk, the thunk of a bag on the floor, followed by the sound of the built-in locker being opened. Newcomer, he decided, wondering whether to look down or go on minding his own business. Then Bull Travis’ voice cut in, already beginning to blur with the “smoke” he obtained somewhere.

“Hey, Bub, there’s a bunk tother side of the room. Whyn’t you go over there?”

“What’s wrong with this one?”

“Conchy on top, that’s what! Sniveling ‘cause Mamma isn’t there to protect it!”

“Thanks, but I’m not carrying this bag another step.” Tommy looked over then, surprised, to see a thin blond boy of about twenty-four packing his duffel into the hamper under the bunk. Beyond him, Bull was staring at the kid with a sour frown.

“You a damned yellow conchy, too?”

“Nope. Red card, they won’t take me. But right now, I wouldn’t care if a cobra had the bunk over me.”

Bull grunted something, then started out to the washroom, where he hid his hooch. Tommy turned over again, the words burning into his brain. Conchy! Conchy, damned yellow conchy! Was a conscientious objector any less of a human being?

To the others, he was; there was no question left on that score. Since he’d come, there’d been only two civil sentences spoken to him, and both of them before the speakers knew he carried the little blue card of a conchy. Bull might get drunk and beat up some weakened oldster, or swear all night in a profane stupor, but he had four sons in the war; Tommy was only a thing that had crawled among them to avoid doing his rightful part. And this was a democracy!

Eight months before, without even the warning of broken relations, Centralia had struck westward suddenly, moving in viciously with heavy ground mechanism and new antiair guns, while the more peaceful nations had been expecting only an invasion from the skies. Seven months before, they had reached the Channel, and the world

beyond Europe had relaxed as their momentum slowed and came to an abrupt halt. And America, as part of the Union, had declared war almost automatically, while the people assured themselves that, with all the surprise element gone and no adequate air power, Centralia was a pushover.

Then the radio blanket that cut off all communication with anyone less than a thousand miles from Europe had dropped as a stunning surprise; ships carrying supplies had gone into the blanket, and a few ships with neither supplies nor men aboard had come drifting out, their superstructures melted away as if they had been sprayed with magma from the sun. Of the fleet of cargo planes that had been trapped inside there was no word until two months later, when a battered little flitter had come zooming out of the morning mists to land at the Washington airport. Two men were in it, one in American uniform, crying softly to himself, staring at nothing until he died as they were moving him to the stretcher; the other, obviously British, had disappeared with grim lips into an official car, and never been seen publicly again.

But after that, the sudden hysterical drive began; there was no delay, no waiting for public response this time. Every man, woman, and child had been registered, quizzed briefly, and told what to do or else. For the fit, military service in lightning schools; for those with skills, allocation in the government-commandeered industries. And for the others, such decentralized places as these plywood and scrap-material barracks, with the corrugated-iron workshops around. Congress had uttered one great roar, before the gray-faced English flier spoke to them in secret session; after that, a few Congressmen probably continued to objectprivatelybut if so, they were snowed under by the 95 percent who sat in session, passing bills with monotonous “Ayes.” Rather surprisingly, the people showed little resentment; most seemed more cheerful at the positive commands coming out of Washington, rather than less. America had its dander up; that man in the White House was a real leader; Centralia was shivering in its boots. Had they so much as moved out of their blanket yet? No, sir, and they’d better not! Uncle Sam could take care of himself!

Tommy’s number had come up, and Tommy’s mother had cried while his father looked pleased, somehow; but not for longnot after he learned of Tommy’s interview, and the man who had called to see his mother and doubtfully mailed back the blue card. His father had been grim-faced and silent, driving him to the train that would take him to Workcamp 201 j-E. “Good-bye, conchy! Conscientious!” He’d snorted at that, pulling out a ten-dollar bill. “That’s your inheritance; don’t bother coming back, and don’t write us!”

And the wheels of the train had gone turning along, crying out, “Conchy, conchy!” while he’d sat dry-eyed and anguished, filled with the horror of any passion that could do that to his father, nursing his hatred of war doubly hard, to shut out his father’s eyes and his weeping mother. Now, here he was.

“Hi,” said the kid’s voice from under him. “This your magazine? Mind if I read it? I’m Jimmy Lake.”

“Go ahead.”

“Thanks. Want today’s paper?”

“Nn-nnh. I’m here as an objector. Didn’t you hear Bull tell you that?”

“So what? I’m here ‘cause of polio. Bum leg, good enough to fly peace planes, but they won’t take me on now.” Jimmy grasped the edge of the bunk over him with tremendously strong hands and lifted himself easily, glancing at the bunk tag. “Tommy Dorn, eh? No law against a man who figures his God won’t let him fight. What’s your religion?”

Tommy pulled himself into a sitting position, his lips suddenly whitening. The man at the board had asked the question in routine fashion, his father had asked it bitterly, and he’d watched their eyes narrow at the answer. “It’s sort of a personal religion. I … I just hate war!”

There was no narrowing this time, though embarrassment showed faintly. “Oh. Well, I think you’re wrong, but it’s your business. Sorry I butted in. Look, do you”

“Ladies and gentlemen,” blared the speaker across the room, and something in the voice quieted all sounds there. “We interrupt this program to bring you a special bulletin. The President has just announced that two hundred 6-43 new model jet bombers have returned from a special mission over Centraliaoperation successful, casualties none! They approached Berlin at eighty thousand feeta mile over the useful range of antiaircraft gunsunloaded their bombs, made recordings of the damage done, and returned with only one minor injury. Berlin is reported to be a mass of burning wreckage. Further details will be broadcast as released.”

The room was roaring then, and Jimmy turned back, his eyes glowing in his pale face. “Lord! And they haven’t the air fleet to come back at us.”

“No?” Tommy grunted; he might hate war, but even that hatred

couldn’t keep him from assembling the hundred little things he’d read and pieced together in a general love of scientific advance that included even military progress. “I suppose they didn’t know we had the planes, didn’t expect all this? They were preparing for it ten years, after all! And probably the city was just a dummy above ground, anyhow.”

“They haven’t made a move”

“Didn’t they wait after getting to the coast, only to make a sudden move with their radio blanket to cover it? … Oh, stop it! I’m sick of it! Do we have to talk war all the time?”

A reek of liquor struck his nose suddenly, and he looked up to see Bull Travis staring at him, contempt and hatred under the alcohol blur in his eyes. For a second, the man hesitated, just as the dinner bell sounded; apparently it stopped him, for he joined in the rush toward the door. But all through the meal, his eyes were riveted on Tommy, and he was unusually silent. Beside the boy, Jimmy tried to make conversation, but the eyes across the table went on staring, could be felt even when Tommy’s face was turned away.

Tommy felt better up on the top of the hill with the work camp behind him, hidden by the bole of the tree against which he sank, breathing heavily from the long climb upward. Tonight there was a full moon, and there was always something soothing about the secret shadows and cool light of that, combined with the clean smell of dewy grass and trees. Here there was neither war nor reminders of it; and nobody from the camp would invade his privacy. He pulled his violin from its case, tucked it under his chin, and began playing, improvising mostly.

Slowly, the disharmonies smoothed down, the savage pace quieted, and the mood of the surroundings crept in to replace the jangle of nerves and bitterness. Slow, clear music came then, swelling up softly, becoming more certain, and carrying in it something that Tommy could not place, but could feel inside him. His eyes roved down the hill, down to an old rock that stood out blackly in the moonlight, and a path leading to it. A note of expectancy crept into the music.

Nine o’clockand she always came at nine, sometimes with others, usually alone, to sit down there. He wondered vaguely what she was like in reality, but his mind pictured her as a Diana in a gentle mood, stepping down from the moon in the cool of the evening. He’d wondered sometimes whether she’d heard his playing, even dared to hope that it was part of her reason for coming. Somehow, seeing her down there, pretending he was playing for her and

that she understood, some of the loneliness left him and he could feel almost happy again. Tonight, perhaps, she would be alone.

But the quarter-hour came and went, and she had still not appeared; he stopped his playing to glance again at his watch, pulled the bow over the strings again, this time in mood music from Tchaikovsky, his eyes still on the clearing.

“Really that bad?” The voice broke in, drawing a harsh discord from the violin as he jumped and swung about. She was standing slightly behind him, smiling faintly, with the light of the moon on her face, and again he thought of a gentle Diana. She was perhaps nineteen and cleaner-lined than the statues he’d seen of the moon goddess, but her face fitted his dream of it “I’ve heard you play, and curiosity got the better of me. Mind?”

He shook his head quickly, making room for her as she sank down beside him. “I’m Tommy Dorn from the men’s work camp down there. Was my playing so bad?”

“Not bad; disconsolate.” She looked at him curiously, seeing a medium-sized, rather handsome boy, barely come of age. “What’s the matter? Wouldn’t they take you?”

He frowned, then grasped it. “No, it’s not that … if you must know, I’m aconchy! Because of personal religion, and because I loathe war!” He might as well get it over and done with; sooner or later it was bound to come out, anyway.

“Oh.” Understanding was in her tone. “I’m Alice Stevens, Tommy, stationed over at the women’s camp.”

“Aren’t you going to draw your dress back from me and run screaming away?”

“Should I?”

“Apparently. Two people can’t be decent to a conchy on the same evening. It’s against the rules, or something.”

She laughed then. “You’re even more bitter than your music, aren’t you? I’ll admit it isn’t quite the picture I had of you, but for all I knew you might have been an old worn-out fussbudget or a half-idiot, in spite of the music.”

“You’re just what I thought you’d be!” He blurted it out, feeling ridiculous, but impelled by the half-confession of her words.

“Silly, isn’t it, Tommy? Just because we’re both lonely and away from home, I suppose. Let’s don’t talk about it. Play something, and I’ll just sit here and listen and look at the moon. Play about the moon.”

“The Sonata or Claire de Lune?”

“Neitherthey’re too conventional, somehow. See how our moon makes the grass look like rippling water? Do you know Debussy’s”

“‘Reflections in the Water’? You do like music, don’t you?” He caressed the instrument to his chin, his eyes straining sideways toward her as he played, feeling inspiration in his fingers. It was pantheistic music, fitting the magic of the moon and the trees, and the wind that stole up to brush her hair into his face, so the faint perfume teased at his senses.

“You’ll come againmaybe?” he asked finally, when the music had led into talk, and that had begun to die down as they found themselves yawning. “Tomorrow night, Alice?”

She nodded, smiling at him, and then he had his violin case in his hands and was going down the hill toward the work camp again; but behind him, he could still sense her presence, and looked back to see her watching him leave. For the moment, there was no room in his thoughts for either the war or the contempt of the others.

“Hello, punk!” The voice came thickly from a clump of bushes beside the trail, and Bull Travis came out in front of him, weaving a little as he walked, his shoulders hunched forward menacingly. “I been waiting for you. So Centralia’s gonna beat us, heh? Nice fifth columnist we got with us. You filthy little”

Futility rose up from Tommy’s legs and constricted as a band about his chest, and his stomach tightened inside him coldly. He backed away, feeling his tense face muscles quiver as he opened his mouth, his mind already sensing the impact of those threatening fists. “Look, now, Bull, I”

“Shuddup!” The fist lashed out then, with poor control, glancing against the instrument case Tommy had thrown up wildly, knocking it aside and out of his hands. Bull advanced, and the boy tried to duck; he felt the impact against his face almost simultaneously with the ground striking the side of his head. It wasn’t exactly pain, just a dull giddiness that spread sickly through his whole body.

Instinctively he came to his feet, somehow dodging another blow in a frantic leap sideways, and trying to strike back. But the tenseness inside him ruined his reflexes and destroyed all co-ordination, leaving him hopelessly at the mercy of Bull’s drunken lunges. Another wild one connected, throwing him onto his knees and ripping out a long patch of cloth and skin.

It could have been only seconds the blackness fell over him; he reeled out of it to feel blood pouring down from his nose and to see Bull bending forward. Then a shout came from somewhere, and Bull

straightened while Tommy dragged himself to his feet and stared without comprehension.

Jimmy Lake covered the last few feet in an odd hobble, his left leg dragging behind, his right pumping him along. Bull’s eyes were on the crippled one, and a savage bark came to his lips as he moved forward. Something lashed out, a vague blur in the moonlight, and Bull measured his length on the ground, to lurch up with pure madness in his voice and spring forward again.

Somehow, without moving from his position, Jimmy let the wild swing slide by, drawing his overdeveloped right arm back and measuring the distance coolly. Then it struck forward, with the left coming behind it in perfect timing. This time, Bull lay where he’d landed, sprawled out like a rag doll dropped carelessly.

“All right, Tommy?” The cripple was breathing heavily, but that must have been from the long climb up the hill; his face was composed, unexcited. “I heard Bull was out for you and came up to warn you, but he beat me to it. Here, wipe off some of that blood; it’s almost stopped now. And sit down; you’re trembling like a leaf!”

Tommy sat, sick with reaction from the fight, sicker with the shame that the other could see him like this, shaking, his face tear-streaked, his voice almost out of control. “I’m all right. Thanks! I guess … you think”

“A pleasure, Tommy. I’ve run into his type before. For the rest, heck, I was pretty bad myself the first few times; you get used to it after a while. Never had to do much fighting, did you?”

“No.” He’d spent his time with his books and his machines, instead of out with the kids who went yelling up and down the streets. Later, he’d becozened a rocket plane out of his father and an expensive flying course that replaced the sports of other boys. Hands and minds were to fight thingsnatural laws that said no when a man said I willnot other men.

“Only once before.”

“Thought so. Think you can make it now? Good; and don’t forget your fiddle.” They started back down, Tommy still nervously exhausted and shaky but trying to mask it and keep up with the brisk pace the other set; running, he’d seemed hopelessly crippled, but the leg was strong enough for walking, awkward though he looked.

On a sudden thought, Tommy glanced up the hill, but there was no sign of her; perhaps she’d left before Bull came out of the bushes. But he doubted it. He tried to thrust the thought aside and listen to the rough instructions on self-defense the other was giving him.

Surprised, hostile looks greeted them as they entered the bunk-house and moved to their double bunk, but the glances were only momentary and attention went back to the radio. Jimmy caught his arm tensely, and swung him around to face the speaker.

“too high to be seen. There goes another one; the building’s shaking visibly under us! God, the people down there! This can’t be explosives; they must have atomic energy in those bombs! It doesn’t stop, but goes on and on, heat boring through even the walls where I’m standing. They’ve stopped firing antiaircraft; too high, too fast. Some new type of plane. From the window, then, I caught a glimpse of one in a searchlight, and it’s bighas to be to be seen at that height! Almost no wings. Somewhere to the right, raw hell burst up then; building’s coming down; now I can see itjust a blazing hole in the ground, three blocks long, with fumes streaking upward. People blocks away, trying to run to safety, dying under the heatno, radiation, not heat! Technical men here just got some instruments together and made readings. Listen, Washington, here’s the dope, if I live to pass it on”

Jimmy cut into the technical stuff that could hold no meaning to the average listener but might be all-important to scientists. “Why don’t they cut off his descriptions before he ruins the country’s morale?” He looked at the group around the speaker, shrugged. “No, maybe not. Maybe they’re being smart. Make anything of what he’s saying?”

“A little. It has to be atomic destruction,” Tommy snapped. “And not U-235- They’ve found a way to set off light elements”

The announcer wound up his report on instrument readings. “That’s the best we can give you, Washington. They can’t precision-bomb from that height and speed, but they’re still at it. Sometimes flares show up miles away, sometimes they hit the same place again. We’re still untouched, but it can’t be much longer. We’ve got a man on the roof trying to spot one falling toward us, but it won’t do any good; the red light’ll only tell us … and it’s on! Give ‘em hell for us, Amer”

Surprisingly, almost no words were spoken by the grim group in the barracks after the speaker gave its final soundlike a plucked string breaking in slow motion. “Lights out!” someone said finally. “We’ve gotta -work tomorrow!”

Tommy lay in the dark, tense and sleepless. His fight almost forgotten, the greater fight He’d been right; Centralia was prepared. But he’d never quite believed it himself, before. Finally he slept fitfully, dreaming that Bull was beating him again while the announcer went on describing it and Alice stood by, shaking her head sorrowfully and binding him tighter with a long rope. Somewhere, the scene changed and Bull became the man at the registration center, shaking his head slowly while Tommy tried to explain his objections and a steady stream of bombs rained down on the crowd outside that was yelling for his blood, unmindful of the destruction falling on them.

Dawn was barely breaking when he was awakened. “Wanted in the front office, Dorn,” the messenger announced. “Make it snappy!”

He tumbled into his clothes awkwardly, grunting as the cloth rubbed on sore places or his head moved, setting up centers of pain. Jimmy, under him, was also pulling on his work clothes. “Probably Bull kicked up some lie. I’ll go along to set it straight. Okay?”

“Thanks, Jimmy.” They stumbled out of the dark barracks and along the row of one-story buildings, wondering what had gotten the director up at this hour of the morning. Inside the office, the messenger blinked sleepy eyes at seeing two, but pointed to a room at the right and went back to his coffee. It wasn’t the director’s office.

“Thomas Dorn, registry 4784?” A gray-clad, grimly pleasant officer of the Air Force was sitting at the desk. “Good; and you?”

“A friend of mine,” Tommy answered.

“Umm, okay; no time for arguing fine points” He looked at Tommy’s face, now well over normal size, and his eyebrows went up. “I thought you hated fighting; we’ve got you down as a conscientious objector.”

“I do hate itand this doesn’t help it any.”

“Can’t say I blame you there. Sure you’re still objecting, or didn’t you hear about New York last night?” He noted the boy’s curt nod, frowning slightly, and picked up a sheaf of papers. “Well, that’s none of my business, exactly. We’ve got you listed as a rocket plane pilot, though, and that is. How many hours, what type of plane?”

“My own Lightning Special, late modelconfiscated now. I guess I’ve had it up a thousand hours after completing full instructions. Why, sir?”

The man’s eyebrows went up and he whistled. “Wheeoo, your folks redly had money! No matter; wish we had ten thousand with the same experience. Those planes over New York were rockets. By sheer dumb luck we managed to get one down in good shape, half its load still inside; keep that to yourself for a couple of dayswith the blanket on, we’re not being too careful about secrecy, but there’s no use spreading it before it’s official. In two weeks, the way we’re or-ganized now, we’ll be turning out better rockets; and better bombs, too. Centralia isn’t the only one with atomic explosives. She just used hers before we were quite ready with ours. Get the idea?”

Tommy got it; his experience with the tricky rocket planes was in advance of all but a few others, and his objection was for “reasons of personal belief,” which was a borderline case at best. His lips set as firmly as the swelling would permit, and the officer noticed the blanching of his skin.

“To be frank with you, Dorn, I wouldn’t take you; whatever your reasons, I’m afraid your mental attitude would make you worse than useless. But I can’t speak for the higher-ups.”

Jimmy stirred beside him, coughing for attention. “I’ve had a little preliminary rocket trainingall I could afford. Wouldn’t that help, Sir?”

“Sure, but… Oh, the leg! Afraid they haven’t loosened up that much yet! I’ll make a bargain with you, though, young man; you get your friend to change his ideas so he’ll be of some real use to us, and I’ll see you get in, rules or no rules. Okay, that’s all; I’ve got a hundred other calls to run off and no time to do it in. Back to barracks!”

It was a lovely world, Tommy thought; when things began to look better and you found someone who’d treat you like a human being, all this happened. Beaten up, probably made ridiculous to Alice, one mass of aching bruises, and now this! The sickness that had been in him during the fight had been worse on the surface, but underneath it disturbed him far less than the half-threat of the officer’s words. They couldn’t take him into their war! And yet

“Well, start converting,” he said bitterly.

Jimmy shook his head, his eyes on the ground. “I’d give both legs for the chance, Tommy, if they cut ‘em off an inch at a time; but I’m no good at proselyting. It’s no use Dammit, why couldn’t we have swapped bodies? Why does everything have to be cockeyed for both of us?”

Tommy had no answer, and his mind simply ran around in futile circles as the breakfast was finished and the long grind at the machine began. He noticed casually that Bull Travis chose another table and was unusually quiet, but the fact barely registered; the bully was no longer important, nor was the wearying, unaccustomed work. And under it all was the question of whether Alice had seen the brawl the night before, and what her thoughts of him were. Maybe he wouldn’t go up there tonight.

But night found him stopped beside the bush from which Bull had

sprang, putting out a hand to his friend’s arm. “Come on up if you want to, Jimmy.”

“Thanks, no. I came up to be alone and do some thinking, and I guess you’ll be better off without me. See you at eleven.” He headed down a side trail, whistling drearily between his teeth on one note, while Tommy went ahead alone, torn between hope and fear, with a dull lethargy numbing both feelings. Anyhow, she probably wouldn’t come.

“Hello, Tommy.” She was already there, ahead of him, and rose as he drew near. “You’re early, too, aren’t you?”

So she hadn’t seen! Or had she? “How long did you watch last night?”

“Long enough! Oh, Tommy, it was splendid! I was afraid at first, but when I saw you knock him down the second time, I knew you were all right. I wanted to run down and tell you how glad I was, but I was afraid of being late at the barracks. Your poor face!” There was pity in her look, but as he drew closer to her, her eyes were glowing proudly. He glanced back toward the spot, realizing how easily she could have made the mistake in the tricky shadows of the moonlight.

“I didn’t do it. Jimmy Lake, the boy I mentioned, did that. And he’s a cripple!”

“Oh.” She said it without intonation. Then with a shrug: “I’m glad you told me the truth, Tommy. You didn’t bring your violin?”

“Broken.” That had hurt, when he’d discovered it, more than the physical blows to himself, and then had disappeared into the larger worries. “Broken, like everything else in the world!”

“Come here, Tommy. Nowwhat’s the matter?” She pulled him down beside her, putting his head on her lap and brushing back his hair with soft, cool fingers. And, as there has always been, there was magic in it to draw out the troubles and break up the barriers to free expression. She made soft little sounds of sympathy and attention, but otherwise let him tell the story of the morning’s interview, his fears, and everything else, without interruptions.

Finally he stopped, and she considered it, her hand still moving softly. “But do you think it’s fair, Tommy? I mean, under it all, you must realize that whether you fight or not, others will; aren’t you counting on their fighting to protect you and your ideal? If there were no one else, wouldn’t you have to fight? You at least tried to, last night.”

“I tried to run away, only he wouldn’t let me! Alice, I can’t reason with this; you can’t. It’s all inside me. Probably father was right, and it’s cowardice that makes me act this way, not conviction; I don’t know even that.”

“I wonder if a coward would have admitted it was Jimmy who beat up that bully? Or would I feel this close to a boy I knew was a coward? … Someone should whip that father of yours; he let your books do all the raising, and did nothing to help you understand the reality and solidity of the worldand then quit you without trying to correct that when you didn’t give him reason to boast to his friends. The fault’s with his own selfish carelessness, not with you. Tommy!” Her voice was suddenly urgent.

“Uhh?”

“I wouldn’t worry about fighting. They’ll need instructors more than fliers, even. That would be all right, wouldn’t it, and they’d be satisfied with that?”

It wouldn’tbut the relief and gratitude her words brought shot through him like wine, and pure impulse lifted his head off her lap and toward her; she bent forward to meet him, unquestioningly, and the uncertain awkwardness of their inexperience was half the sweetness of it.

Jimmy approached them later, unseen until a twig crackled under his heavy step. “Tommy, it’s eleven. Oh, sorry, miss. I thought”

“It’s all right, really. I should have gone before… . Jimmy, isn’t it? I’d like to tell you what I think of you for what happened, but there isn’t time now.” She was on her feet, glancing at her own watch, then leaning forward half shyly for a brief good night. “Tomorrow, Tommyand bring Jimmy if he’ll come.”

They watched her run down the trail to the old rock, waving as she glanced back before disappearing. Jimmy glanced at his friend, pleased surprise on his face. “She’s certainly done you a lot of good, fellow. You’re lucky!”

Tommy felt lucky, now. “More than you think, even. Funny how important those barracks and workshops appear in the moonlight; ours, too.”

“Yeah, I heard they were going to give them a coat of moon paint tomorrow. They look too important, and after last night, nobody’s so sure what’s safe. Come on, we’ll catch the deuce if we don’t hurry.”

It was a far-off, dim roar at first, coming forward much too rapidly and from too high up. Their heads jerked up toward the cloudless sky. “Planes… they can’t be!”

“Speak of Satan! Must be bound for Chicago! Picking ‘em off in order of size. Tommy!”

He’d seen it, too. A speck that separated from the others, cutting down and growing larger in a fishing streak that dipped, lifted slightly, and dipped again behind them, the roar of its climb following. Something glinted over the barracks roof, and then there were no barracks or workshops! Tommy dropped into the depression beside them, dragging Jimmy with him and burying his face in the ground. But it was scant protection, and the lashing of light and things not seen but felt reached out even to the two on the hillside, a radiation that seemed to burn through everything and was almost tangible; even after the first violence had abated, leaving only normal fires and heat behind amid the ruins, their bones and teeth seemed to itch, and their flesh to tingle savagely. It must be mostly imagination; they’d escaped the worst of the radiation. Or maybe it was the effect of the ground shock.

Jimmy came to his feet uncertainly. “Back! Up the hill! We’re too close now, and we can’t get nearer. There’s nothing left down there. Nothing. That second dip must have been for the women’s section!”

“Alice!” Tommy’s legs felt the weakness in them again, gone almost at once. And then he was running, feeling nothing but a horrid numb urgency. The hilltop seemed to crawl at him, and he was unsure whether he was running or falling down the other side until his hand hit the boulder and tossed him off into the side trail. Waves of heat radiation were beating at him, but he was unaware of the danger as he careened down the pathway, almost stumbling over her before he could stop.

“Alice!”

“Tommy! Ihelp me! No, go back! This radiationit’s weaker now, but”

“Hush.” His arms swung down under her, gently but rapidly lifting her to his shoulder with a strength that came from outside him, and he turned back up the pathway, unmindful of fatigue or the laboring of his breath. There was a cleft in the rocks near the top where they’d be shielded from radiation on both sides, and he headed for it as rapidly as he could force himself.

Her face was grayish, pain-filled, already worse than it had been below, and she was limp as he put her down. But she wasn’t dead yet; her heart was still fluttering as he jerked forward to listen, and he could hear the erratic gasping sound her breathing made. Minutes went ticking by as he stood staring at her, trying to remember the

nearest doctor, torn between the need of staying and the urge to get out searching for help.

Jimmy’s uncertain steps broke in on him, reminding him suddenly that he was not alone. “Bad?”

“Where’s the nearest doctor? She’s got to have attention!”

“Planes of some sort just spilled down as close to the women’s camp as they could getmust be medical aid there. Here, give me a hand; we can carry her faster than we can bring them back. If we cut over the hill and around, we’ll keep out of the worst of the stuff coming out of there.”

“No.” Tommy gathered her up, his mind steady again now that there was something he could do without leaving her. “Go ahead, Jimmy, start them coming back to meet me. I can carry her that far. Can you stand it?”

“The leg’ll hold up that far.” He was off, his hands grabbing at the undergrowth to steady him, his clumsy leaps sending back crashing sounds to mark his path. Tommy started forward, considering a shortcut and rejecting it; even if he could take whatever radiation was left, he dared not risk her in it. Grimly he forced himself to a pace that he could maintain with his burden, checking back the impulse to run, trying to take up all the bobbing of his steps with his legs and avoid jarring her.

The sound of the other’s progress ahead dimmed out and vanished, eaten away by the growing distance between them, and he pumped on stolidly, the skin around his eyes tautened, his mouth pulled back into a tense, straight line. Under the cold and numbness of his surface mind, a fever of thought trickled back and forth in time to his steps, sorting, rejecting, deciding. And step by step, the hill crawled behind him, the undergrowth thinned out, and he was in a shallow ravine that led in the general direction of the three Air Force planes he had glimpsed off to the side of the flaming ruins of the workshop.

Vaguely, he wondered at the speed with which they’d learned of the disaster and come out in a hopeless effort to help. But the thought and the relief at their presence were lost in the shuffle of his feet, the tick of thoughts in his head, and the leaden ache that was creeping up his arms and shoulders from the burden he carried. He bent forward for the hundredth time, found her still breathing, and went on woodenly.

Crackling twigs gave warning, but only seconds before he saw the men with stretchers coming toward him at a slow trot. “Down here

… that’s it. All right, you men, gently but snap into it! And you, kid, get onto the other one! If you walk another step, you’ll be a hospital case yourself!”

Tommy let them lay him on it, not bothering to protest; now that the compulsion was gone, his muscles were slack, his breath rasping in his ears, and his mouth dry and burning. For the moment, there was nothing he could do, and his body grabbed hungrily at the chance to rest on the swaying canvas, though there was no relief for his mind.

Jimmy found him later, his own face drawn with the fatigue of his efforts, and sank down onto the log. “What news?”

“They don’t know; this is all new, it seems. They’ve had experience only with laboratory cases.” They’d taken her inside the big hospital plane, turning him back with gentle but firm words and a promise to call him as soon as they could. Now all he could do was sit and wait, trying to hope in spite of the looks they’d given her. “I appreciate”

“Skip it, Tommy!”

The sound of another step brought their eyes up, and Tommy was looking into the face of the Air Force captain who’d interviewed him that morningseeming years ago. The man put a hand on his shoulder, sliding down onto the log beside him. “That took guts, Dorn! I guess I owe you an apology for what I was thinking. Mind my talking?”

“No; go ahead, sir.” He wouldn’t mind anything that would fill the time and take even a little of his mind off what must be happening inside the plane. “I didn’t expect you here, though.”

“Handiest pilot when we heard of this! At that, there’s been nothing we could do to help. And we’ll forget that ‘sir’ business; you’re not military. The name’s Kent. Seems they got Chicago.”

“Already?”

“Those things travel! Tomorrow, or tonight, we’ll actually get started evacuating all the large cities, I suppose, but we need a miracle to hold them off two weeks more. Maybe, if” He dropped whatever he had in mind. “You’d hate an automatic commission for your air hours, you know, Dorn.”

“I know … Captain Kent, shein theresuggested I might be valuable to you as an instructor.” He shook his head as the other started a quick assent. “But it would be the same thing, killing or teaching others to kill. I can’t do even that.”

“Then all this hasn’t changed your mind?”

“No. Maybe you were right, and cowardice had something to do

with it at first, but there was more than that.” He couldn’t put it into words, the thought that had worked itself out as he’d walked down the hill, and he made no particular effort. “At first, I guess I’d wanted to kill for what they’d done, but that’s gone now. Killing isn’t right, and hatred doesn’t make it more so.”

“Umm. ‘An eye for an eye’all right, that’s Old Testament; how about Matthew? ‘I come not upon Earth to send peace, but a sword-’”

” ‘And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.’ It won’t do any good, Captain. Coming down from there, I wanted to convince myself I should fight. I couldn’t.”

Captain Kent nodded thoughtfully, passing a cigarette across to each of them as he turned it over in his head. “Ever seen a robin go after another bird menacing its nest? It’s pretty much a law of nature that life will kill to defend its own; maybe you don’t have relatives in dangerbut there’s the girl.”

“Is bombing women and children over there a defense?”

“I think so. Time after time, the tribal pridethe pride of the Holy Roman Empire of the Teutonic Tribes, whose legate walked before kingshas brought this about. Doesn’t something pretty drastic seem justified against those repeated assaults on the freedom of others?”

There was neither stubbomess nor agreement on Tommy’s face as he shook his head silently, and the other shrugged faintly, admitting defeat. The three sat in silence, studying the ground or the door to the hospital plane, each with his own thoughts, each with a cigarette unnoticed in his hand. Tommy sighed slowly; somewhere, in his emotional mind, he’d been begging to be convinced of the other’s tightness, but the arguments were too old to offer any hope.

Above them, there was a low muffled drone that grew into a thunder with a speed that could mean only one thing. The captain’s eyes came up first, spotting the bluish streaks that split the sky miles above the earth and came roaring back from the horizon. “Damn them! They think we’re helplessso helpless they’re coming back over our defenses deliberately, just as they went out! Now, if”

With a sudden short cry, he grabbed at the arms of the two others, jerking them back toward the distant ravine, his eyes still turned on the spot of blue fire that came slipping out from the others, downward toward them, cutting the miles in fractions of seconds. Then he stopped, realizing the uselessness of flight. “My God! They’ve spotted our planes in the glare of that ruin! What damned fools we were!… No, listen!”

Another sound had cut in, even over the roar of their rockets, higher, shriller, and a streak seemed to shoot off the ground near the horizon and halve the distance in the time it took their eyes to focus, knifing aside the air with a shrill whine. Two others followed, apparently spotted by the Centralian force, for the rocket that had been diving reversed in a thundering blast toward the others. Three streaks moved in toward the group of a hundred, spreading apart as they came, while Centralia’s craft bunched and began a gigantic circle to bring them face to face. Somehow, the maneuver was a slow wheel of contempt for the trio that dared to question their right to the stratosphere.

Kent’s voice was awed and proud, ridiculously hopeful in spite of the odds/They did it! They couldn’t, but there they are!”

“Atomic rockets?” Jimmy’s voice held the same awe.

“Yes. We’ve licked the inflexibility of mass production; we knew that. But I still don’t see how they did it. This morning, those were standard fuel rockets, and the atomic tubes were just coming off the drafting boards. They couldn’t shape them”

His voice choked back as one of the three vanished in a huge sheet of fire that seemed to run across the sky, long before the sound could reach them from the distance. Kent groaned, understanding coming into his eyes.

“They didn’t. They’ve simply jury-rigged the tubes from the captured ship into three of ours; God knows what kind of wire they’re using to hold those engines inside our ships. That’s what they were talking about, then! No wonder they move like that; they don’t weigh a quarter of what those tubes were designed for. And inside, they must be packed with our own atomic bombs.”

“The explosion-“

Kent waited for the roar that had finally reached them to cease. “No, our bombs are stable, except when we set them off; that was the rocket engine smashing up.”

Tommy struggled with the idea, his eyes trying to follow the specks that were edged toward the side horizon, almost out of sight. “But what can bombs do against them?”

“Watch!” Even as he spoke, they could just make out the two flares of their own remaining ships suddenly streaking forward into the thick of the enemy swarm. This time, the spread of flame flickered slightly, but they were forced to cover their eyes before it reached full intensity, and when they looked again there was only

an empty sky with a few streaks still falling toward the flames that seemed to shoot up from the ground, just out of sight.

“Suicide squad!” Jimmy’s face gleamed, as did the captain’s, washed with too many emotions for understanding.

“That’s it. Somehow, before the rather slim defense of the others could get them, ours got close enough; their bombs were unstable when ours were set off near them, it spread. Well, there’s our miracle; they can’t have had time to build more than those we saw, and those are … well, ‘with the snows of yesteryear,’ I guess it goes. That gives us the two weeks we need. My darned luck!”

His face twitched into a crooked smile at their looks. “The rocket men had a lottery this noon for some special volunteers to get themselves killed off on a forlorn hope. The three up there won it. If I’d had another hour, I might have talked one into selling his chance-maybe. Dorn?”

“Yes, sir.” They were back on the log that served as a bench again, where he could watch the door of the big ship, and he answered without moving his eyes.

“The higher-ups gave me full authority to do as I liked about your case and a few others; I was going to tell you before all this came up. I’m sending you to a camp out in the Middle West where you’ll be with a bunch of other unquestioned objectors; you’ll probably be better off there than in any of the work camps around here.”

It took a few seconds for that to penetrate. “You mean you aren’t going to force me to fight?”

“We don’t force people here, fellow, not when they’re on the level. Look, the nurse wants you. Go on, and I hope it’s good news.”

The nurse shook her head faintly as he ran toward her, motioning him back into the ship and toward the cot. Alice was lying there, her eyes open and on him, and with the medical staff gathered at the opposite end of the plane. The change in her face, even from what he’d last seen, was frightening, but a smile lifted the corners of her mouth weakly. “Tommy!”

“Alice! You’ll be all right? You’ve got to be!”

“Shh!” She caught his hand with a feeble movement, drawing him closer. “It’s no use; I can feel myself going. Tommy, you’re not afraid now! I can see itthat and other things. It’s all going to work out right, isn’t it?”

“Everything except you!” He could see the shadow on her face, knew the uselessness of anything doctors could do, and knelt down

to the cot, cradling her head into his arms, feeling the need of tears that could not come, his soul wrenched half out of him toward her.

“Don’t feel bad for me, honey. I don’t.” But pain came shooting over her then, cutting off her bravery, flooding into her expression with nothing either could do to stop it. She gasped harshly, clinging to him, righting futilely. “Tommy? I don’t want to diewhen I’ve just found you. Don’t let me die! Kiss me quick, Tommy, before”

There was time enough for that, mercifully, and mercifully no more. Dry-eyed still, he groped his way out of the ship, blurred landscape reeling before him, until Jimmy’s hand found his arm and guided him silently to the log. His grief was cold and hard inside him, unexpressible outwardly. Then, as the minutes dragged on, the waves of it washed slowly further into his mind, colder and harder than ever’ but leaving him free to grope through the jumbled ideas that had been forming.

He should have told her, perhaps, yet somehow she’d known. He’d seen the knowledge on her face, before the pain forced it away.

“We don’t force people, here.” Over there, they didforced them or shot them. Now, for the first time since it had begun, he was free, free from the compulsion to fight against their intrusion into his rights and belief, free to take the facts as they came, without the taint of oppression. And the decision had come to him, almost with the freedom, so that it must have been on his face, visible to her. Knowledge had been in her look^knowledge and pride in him.

“What happened to the captain, Jimmy? Has he gone?”

“Not yet. Why, pal?”

Maybe it wasn’t logic. It didn’t sound logical to fight and protest for his rights until they were given to him, then toss them away. Or maybe it was the highest kind of logic, the kind that could find the real value of the facts and realize that a country where your freedom not to fight was respected was a country worth fighting for, so that those who came after could hate that fighting without seeing it swarm over their lives again. Men had always had to fight for their beliefs, even the belief that fighting was wrong. Maybe the two sayings from the Bible didn’t contradict, after all. He came not upon Earth to send peace, but a sword; until the meek should inherit the Earth, someday.

He got to his feet then, Jimmy at his side, and started after the captain. “I just remembered that he agreed to take you if you convinced me, Jimmy. I think we’d better remind him of it.”

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