WHOLE EVOLUTION ALMANAC

THE DEVOLUTION PROGRAM

A FIVE-DAY PLAN FOR ACHIEVING LOWER CONSCIOUSNESS

Becoming a fully evolved human being is a high-pressure preoccupation. In
addition to serving such basic animal needs as eating, sleeping, and having sex,
we must also serve as guardians of our species and the earth. Threats to human
evolution, in fact, come from every quarter: nuclear, chemical, and biological
weapons, medical waste, AIDS, the depletion of the ozone layer, the destruction
of the rain forests, and the impoverishment of the Third World, to name a few.
In the end, we must control all these elements if we want to survive. The more
we evolve as a species, it seems, the more complicated our everyday existence
becomes.

Jonas Salk, these days a student of evolutionary biology, explains our new place
in the cosmos this way: "The human mind may be seen as a form of matter that has
become conscious of itself, conscious of evolution, and conscious of its
capacity to participate in evolution. We are a product of evolution, and the
embodiment of the process as well." As for the individual best suited to carry
out evolutionary goals, he or she must, of course, be cooperative as opposed to
competitive, generous as opposed to greedy, constructive as opposed to
destructive, sensitive as opposed to callous, and insightful as opposed to
obtuse. Embracing such evolutionary traits is crucial because, as Salk points
out. a lot hangs in the balance: "It we destroy the ecosystem," he notes quite
rightly, "then we destroy ourselves."

With all this pressure to be so evolved, we need to let off a little steam now
and then, to devolve, as it were, and return to our roots. In an effort to help
you fulfill this need in a harmless fashion without actually contributing to the
devolution of the planet, of course we present our five-day devolution program,
below:

DAY ONE: THE HUMAN ZOO

Darwin theorized that human beings evolved from the apes. You may have noticed,
however, that some people appear to have evolved much further than others. Day
one of our devolution program offers an opportunity for you to actively explore
this phenomenon.

Begin by going to your local zoo and spending some time observing the monkeys
and gorillas. As you observe these distant relatives of the human species,
notice how much of their behavior reminds you of people you know, Notice, also.
your own evolutionary connection with these humanlike creatures. Are the
chimpanzees doing anything you would like to be doing yourself? Can you imagine
yourself swinging through the trees or sitting on top of the jungle canopy
looking out across the horizon? Sit in a comfortable spot and observe the apes
for half an hour. As you do so, imagine yourself mentally trading places with
these noble primates, actually experiencing reality from their point of view,
How would your life's priorities be different if you were an ape? How would you
communicate with others of your species? If you are visiting the zoo with a
friend, spend some time trying to communicate with one another as the apes do.
Then go home and notice all the apelike features of your relatives and friends.
You may be surprised to realize how much we still have in common with our
evolutionary antecedents.

DAY TWO: NAKED LUNCH

Human beings are the only animals that use utensils, which tend to distance us
from the animal side of our nature. On day two, begin by letting go of such
evolutionary pretensions. Order takeout spareribs or other basic "finger foods"
such as sashimi or Dungeness crab for lunch. Also assemble an assortment of
fruit, from red Delicious apples to succulent nectarines and plums. Then get
naked and sit on the floor with the foods you have chosen spread out before you.
Eat like an animal, using no implements or napkins.

Before beginning the second part of today's exercise, which should be carried
out just prior to dinner, consider that modern processed food is a long way from
the kind of diet humanity enjoyed at an earlier point in our evolution. Much of
the food we consume, from Froot Loops to Chicken McNuggets, is no longer
remotely recognizable as anything that was ever alive.

Day two, therefore, offers a chance for you to get back in touch with the
original form of some of the foods you've been eating. (To avoid senseless
waste, you should carry out this exercise only with foods you eventually intend
to consume.)

Begin by ordering a giant bucket of fried chicken from a local stand or one of
the fast-food chains. Spread all the chicken parts out on a table and try to
reassemble the pieces into a complete chicken. Use a needle and thread, a
staple gun, or masking tape to hold everything together. If you are a
vegetarian, you may carry out this exercise with a large order of French fries,
which you can reassemble into potatoes. (You might also take a cue from the
writers of Late Night With David Letterman, as recently reported in The New York
Times. The team suggested rummaging through meat plant Dumpsters and pulling
out enough different parts to assemble your own cow.)

By the way, for the ultimate in primitive eating, you might try dining out at
some of the finer vending machines in your area. Suggested fare includes canned
sodas, candy bars, and onion and sour cream chips. Some of the more elaborate,
Automat-type machines also offer Petrified hamburgers, prehistoric egg salad,
and Precambrian tuna on white bread.

DAY THREE: THE HUNTER-GATHERER

Early man depended on nature to provide the basic necessities. On day three of
the devolution program, pay homage to this tradition for an afternoon. Your
goal: to gather and enjoy as much free stuff as possible.

Begin by dousing yourself with five or six different fragrance samples from the
nearest perfume or cologne counter. Ask the salespeople to give you a pocketful
of additional samples. Next, stop by your doctor's off ice and try to get some
free samples of any prescription drugs you may be using. Then seek out a crowded
hot dog stand where you can graze unnoticed from the open sauerkraut, relish,
and pickle bins for a tasty lunch. Use plenty of ketchup and. mustard and take
some extra packets of these condiments with you. If you can't find a convenient
hot dog stand, seek out a bar that serves free hors d'oeuvres and eat your fill.
Stuff your remaining pockets with as much free food as possible, along with any
loose bags of sugar or low-calorie sweetener that you can easily lay hands on.
Keep alert for any free books of matches.

Finally, head to the nearest bakery and make a dessert out of any pastry samples
that may have been placed in little dishes on the counter. On the way home,
pick through other people's garbage for anything you can use.

DAY FOUR: PRIMITIVE CONSCIOUSNESS

In an effort to be more evolved, many people try to relate to others in a purely
rational way. Yet there is still something of the primitive in all of us, an
inner sense that responds to people and events on an emotional, instinctive
level,

On day four of our devolution program, allow yourself to get more consciously in
touch with this aspect of your awareness. Whenever any stressful circumstances
arise during the course of your day, ask yourself, "What would Australopithecus
afarensis do in this situation?" Allow your responses to emerge from a deep gut
level to whatever extent possible. If you pass a pretty flower on the street,
for example, take time to savor its organic aroma. If you get in an argument
with your mate, don't just deal with the situation from an intellectual
distance. Stay in touch with your deepest feelings throughout the discussion,
If you feel stressed out in the course of your day, go off to a place where you
can be alone and wildly pound your fists into pillows or sofa cushions while
allowing yourself the luxury of a primal scream. Finally, at some point today,
spend time in a natural setting like a woodland or park and let go of the
intellectual priorities of the civilized world.

DAY FIVE: THE COMPETITIVE SELF

The more we evolve, the more we must learn to live in harmony with each other,
On the final day of our devolution program, however, you will loosen some of the
shackles of socially evolved behavior and allow your innermost competitive self
to come to the fore. Your focus should be on allowing yourself to be as
competitive as possible, without becoming really obnoxious or mean.

If you work as a secretary, for example, you might organize a speed-typing
competition in your office, along with events in pencil sharpening, envelope
stuffing, and stamp licking. Try to shoot a rubber band across the office
farther than anyone else. Or create miniature Olympic events less specific to
your occupation, including such feats as watermelon eating, necktie knotting,
and speed shaving. If you can't find people to compete with, compete with
yourself: Get a book of brainteasers and see how many you can answer correctly.
See how many Barry Manilow tunes you can listen to, or how many times you can
play Paul Anka singing "Havin' My Baby" without throwing up, If you normally
tell yourself not to be rankled by the political machinations of that
manipulative colleague of yours, now is the time to let feelings of intense
annoyance to creep in-and to act on them. Complete the exercise by playing Risk
or Monopoly-- and playing to win.