Back | Next
Contents

Chapter 36

Whoosh.

"How's it going, Gibbet?"

Not nearly as well as it had been a second ago—that was for sure. Glibspet looked up at Kellubrae. "That's Glibspet," he snarled. He put his feet down and gripped his glass of Karo on the rocks tightly.

Whoosh. "It might as well be Pit Fodder," said Venifar from his left. "You're taking too long." Venifar was not looking good. Now, along with the missing nose, his left arm had gone AWOL. And he had the raw look of someone who had been partially peeled. Evidently the Evil Dude was starting to push for results.

Whoosh. Linufel jostled his right elbow as she appeared. The glass of Karo flew from his grip and spattered in slow motion, running down his shirtfront and pooling in his lap. "And that would be such a shame," she purred. "I was really so looking forward to our time together. Oh, look, you've made a mess of your pants just thinking of it!" She pulled a handkerchief from the tightly stretched breast pocket of her suit. "Let me help you clean that up."

"That's not necessary," Glibspet said quickly, and rolled his chair under the desk. Linufel had a pretty liberal notion of what working against him meant—he did not think her grip would be gentle. She made a moue and put the handkerchief back.

"So, where is she?" Kellubrae demanded. He leaned down across the desk and stared into Glibspet's eyes. There were bits of flesh on his teeth, and his breath reeked of the charnel house.

Glibspet felt a sudden wave of nostalgia. Emboldened, he reached up to poke Kellubrae in the chest. "Hey," he said, "don't pull that crap on me. I've got the contract, and you'd better believe I've filed it. Mess with me, and the penalty clause comes in and kicks your ass so hard you'll be picking your souls out of the Pit one atom at a time for the next billion years. The three of you combined won't be able to make anything more ferocious than a cantankerous gremlin for so long you won't remember how to bite."

Kellubrae narrowed his eyes, and Glibspet felt his hand forced down to the desktop. The thump shook the desk.

"Never forget who we are, little devil," Venifar said from his side, "and that you signed that contract too. We've heard nothing from you but outrageous demands for funds and received nothing but invoices from escort services and dog kennels." He stepped fastidiously away from a drip of Karo. "You are contracted to provide us with the location of Averial. Where is she?"

Glibspet spread his hands. "You think I wouldn't tell you if I knew?" If you wanted to control the answer, he thought, always ask the question yourself. "I'm a professional," he continued. "What do you think I've been doing here since I started?"

"Getting yourself laid and gorged at our expense," Linufel said.

"Well, sure. You signed that expense clause freely, and I can guarantee now that none of those girls is Averial—but I sure couldn't guarantee it before." At the murderous look in three pairs of eyes, he quickly added, "But besides them I've been eliminating hundreds . . . thousands . . . of other people."

"We're not paying you for negatives," Kellubrae said. "I can tell you lots of places she isn't."

"Ah, but in a state this size," Glibspet said, "no one person is more than three people removed from any other, and I'm not working at random. I'll find her tracks soon—it's inevitable."

"It had better be," Venifar said. "The resources we can muster on this plane come at a price. We got the first lucky break in ten thousand years when Lucifer got sidetracked by the Maxwell's Demons Local #503 strike. If it hadn't been for that, we'd probably alr—"

Kellubrae kicked him in the shin and stepped in front of him. "If you get us noticed, it had better be because of your success, and not—"

In the lobby, the outside door swung open. "Dom?" Mindenhall called as the door shut behind him. "You in there?"

"Out," Glibspet hissed. "Now! Or I'll go slower than I already am."

Linufel made to argue but he cut her off. "Look, you want to explain this to him? If I have to get new help, it'll delay everything." She gave him a this-isn't-done-yet look, then glanced at Kellubrae, who nodded. She took her handkerchief again, reached through the desk to Glibspet's lap and wiped vigorously at the Karo. Suddenly, she grabbed and squeezed enthusiastically, still plying the cloth. She smiled sweetly as Glibspet's eyes glazed over. He didn't see Hell's trio take off, but through his pain he heard the triple whoosh. When he was able to open his eyes again, all three were gone.

Glibspet doubled over and groaned.

"Dom?" Mindenhall leaned in the door and gave him a worried look.

Glibspet pushed weakly away from the desk and curled up in his chair. Mindenhall hurried to his side and rested a hand on his back. "Are you all right? Should I call 911? What happened?"

Glibspet straightened slowly and painfully. He reached out a sticky hand and Mindenhall took it. There were Karo tracks everywhere, and his pants were bunched over his crotch. An ice cube was Karoed into his navel, and several more were dripping down his shirt. He sighed. "Just don't ask, Craig," he said. "Just. Don't. Ask."

 

Back | Next
Framed