THE
PET by
CHARLES
L GRANT
the first of those low curving plateaus, its
drop facing south, low hills at its back. From the air it was indistinguishable
from any of its neighbors--just a concentration of lights, glints on the edge
of a long ebony razor.
.
. . and he saw the crow sitting on the highest branch in the biggest tree in
the world. A big crow. The biggest crow he had ever seen in his life. And the
boy knew, he really and truly knew, that the crow was going to be the only
friend he had left in the world. So he talked to the crow and he said . . .
The
park was in the exact center of town, five blocks deep and three long blocks
wide, surrounded by a four-foot stone wall with a concrete cap worn down in
places by the people who sat there to watch the traffic go by. At the north end
was a small playing field with a portable bandstand erected now behind home
plate, illuminated by a half-dozen spotlights aimed at it from the sides; and
the folding chairs, the lawn chairs, the tartan blankets and light autumn
jackets covered the infield, protecting the large audience from the dust of the
basepaths and the spiked dying grass slowly fading to brown.
A
student-painted banner fluttered and billowed over the handstand's domed peak,
unreadable now that twilight had gone, but everyone knew it proclaimed with
some flair the approach of Ashford Day in just over a month. The concert was a
free preview of the events scheduled for the week-long celebration--a
century-and-a-half and still going strong.
The
high school band members sat on their chairs, wore their red uniforms with the
black and gold piping, and played as if they were auditioning to lead the Rose
Bowl parade.
They
slipped through "Bolero" as if they knew what it meant, marched
through Sousa as if they'd met him in person, and they put fireworks and
rockets, Catherine wheels and Roman candles exploding and spinning into the
audience's imagination, into the dark autumn sky, when they bellowed and
strutted through the "1812 Overture."
At
the rim of the field, back in the bushes where the lights didn't reach, there
were a few giggles, a few slaps, more than a few cans of beer popping open.
.
. . do you think it'll be all right?
The
parents, all the relatives, the school board, and the mayor applauded as if
they'd never heard anything quite so grand in their lives.
The
bandmaster beamed, and the band took a bow. There were no encores planned, but
the applause continued just the same.
.
. . and the crow said, it'll be just fine as long as you know who your friends
really are.
In
the middle of the park was an oval pond twenty feet wide, with a concrete apron
that slanted down toward the water. It wasn't very deep; a two-year-old child
could wade safely across it, but it reflected enough of the sun, enough of the
sky, more than enough of the surrounding foliage to make it seem as if the
depths of an ocean were captured below the surface. Around it were redwood
benches bolted to the apron's outer rim. Above them were globes of pale white
atop six bronze pillars gone green with age and weather. Their light was soft,
falling in soft cowls over the quiet cold water, over the benches, over the
eleven silent children who were sitting on them now. They didn't listen to the
music, though it was audible through the trees; they ignored applause that
sounded like gunshots in the distance; instead, they listened to the young man
in pressed black denim who crouched at the apron's lip, back to the pond, hands
clasped between his knees.
His
voice was low, rasping, his eyes narrowed as he sought to draw the children
deeper into the story.
"And
so the boy said, how do I know who my real friends are? Everyone hates me, they
think I'm some kind of terrible monster. And the crow, he laughed like a crazy
man and said, you'll know them when you see them. The boy was a little afraid.
Am I a monster, he asked after a while, and the crow didn't answer. Are you one
of my friends, the little boy asked. Of course I am, said the crow. In fact,
I'm your best friend in the whole wide world."
The
children stirred as the applause faded, and they could hear the first of the
grown-ups drifting down the central path.
The
young man frowned briefly. He thought he had planned the story better, to end
just as the band did, but he had gotten too carried away, elaborating and
posturing to get the kids laughing so they wouldn't be bored. Now he had lost
them.
He
could see it in their eyes, in the shifting on the benches, in the way their
heads turned slightly, too polite to ignore him outright though their gazes
were drawn to the black topped walk that came out of the dark on its way to the
south exit.
"Crows
don't talk," one ski-capped boy suddenly declared with a know-it-all smile
as he slipped off his seat.
"Sure
they do," a girl in a puffy jacket argued.
"Oh,
yeah? You ever hear one, smarty?"
"Bet
you never even saw one, Cheryl," another boy said.
"I'll
bet you don't even know what they look like."
The
girl turned, hands outstretched. "Donald, I do so know what one looks
like."
The
others were lost now, noisily lining up as if choosing sides for a game. The
crow's supporters were outnumbered, but they made up for it with indignant
gestures and shrill protests, while the mocking opposition--mostly boys, mostly
the older ones--sneered knowingly and laughed and punched each other's arms.
"Everyone
knows what a crow looks like," Don said, in such a harshly quiet way that
they all turned to look. "And everyone knows what the biggest crow in the
world looks like, right?"
A
few heads instantly nodded. The rest were unconvinced.
Don
smiled as evilly as he could, and stood, and pointed to the nearest tree,
directly behind them. Most of them looked with him; the others, sensing a trick
and not wanting to give him the satisfaction, resisted.
Until
the little girl put a hand to her mouth, and gasped.
"That's
right." He kept pointing. "See? Right there, just out of the light?
Look real hard now. Real hard and you won't miss it. You can see his feathers
kind of all black and shiny. And his beak, right there by that leaf, it's sort
of gold and pointed like a dagger, right?"
The
little girl nodded slowly. No one else moved.
"And
his eyes! Look at them, they're red. If you look real hard--but don't say
anything or you'll scare him away--you can see one just over there. See it?
That little bit of red up in the air? It looks like blood, doesn't it. Like a
raindrop of blood hanging up there in the air."
They
stared.
They
backed away.
It
was quiet in the park now, except for the leaves.
"Aw,
you're fulla crap," the ski-capped boy said, and walked off in a hurry,
just in time to greet his parents strolling down from the concert. He laughed
and hugged them tightly, and Don without moving seemed to stand to one side
while the children broke apart and the oval filled with voices, with feet, with
faces he knew that thanked him for watching the little ones who would have been
bored stiff listening to the music, and it was certainly cheaper than hiring a
sitter.
He
slipped his hands into his jeans pockets and rolled his shoulder under the
black denim jacket and grey sweatshirt.
His
light brown hair fell in strands over his forehead, curled back of his ears,
curled up at the nape. He was slender, not tall, his face almost but not quite
touched by a line here and there that made him appear somewhat older than he
was.
Within
moments the parents and their children were gone.
"Hey,
Boyd, playing Story Hour again?"
He
looked across the pond and grinned self-consciously. Three boys walked around
the pond toward him, grinned back, and roughed him a bit when they joined him,
then pushed him in their midst and herded him laughing toward the bike stand
just inside the south gate.
"You
should've been there, Donny," Fleet Robinson told him, leaning close with
a freckled hand on Don's arm. "Chris Snowden was there." He rolled
his eyes heavenward as the other boys whistled. "God, how she can see that
keyboard with those gazongas is a miracle."
"Hey,
you'd better not say stuff like that in front of Donny the Duck," said
Brian Pratt solemnly. Then he winked broadly, and not kindly. "You know he
doesn't believe in that kind of talk. It's sexist, don't you guys know that?
It's demeaning to the broads who jerk him off on the porch."
"Drop
dead, Brian," Don said quietly.
Pratt
ignored him. With a sharp slap to Robinson's side he jumped ahead of the others
and walked arrogantly backward, his cut-off T-shirt and soccer shorts both an
electric red and defiant of the night's early autumn chill. "But if you
want to talk about gazongas, you crude bastards, if you're really gonna get
down in the gutter, then let me tell you about Trace tonight. Christ! I mean,
you want to talk excellent development? Jesus, I could smother, you know what I
mean? And she was waiting for it, just waiting for it, y'know? I mean, you
could see it in her eyes! Christ, she was fucking asking for it right there on
the stage! Oh, my god, I wish to hell her old man wasn't there, he should've
been on duty or
something. Soon as she put down that stupid
flute I'd've planked her so damned fast... oh god, I think I'm dying!"
Robinson's
hand tightened when he felt the muscle beneath it tense.
"Don't
listen to him, Don. In the first place, Tracey hasn't talked to him since the
first day of kindergarten except to tell him to get the hell out of her way,
and in the second place, he don't know nothing he don't see in a
magazine."
"Magazine,
shit," scoffed Jeff Lichter. "The man can't even read, for god's
sake."
"Read?"
Pratt said, wide-eyed. "What the hell's that?"
"Reading,"
explained Tar Boston, "is what you do when you open a book."
He
paused and put his hands on his hips. "You remember books, Brian.
They're
those things you got growing mold on in your locker."
Pratt
sneered and lifted his middle finger. Robinson andBoston , both heavyset and
both wearing football jackets over light sweaters, took off after him,
hollering, windmilling their arms as though they were plummeting down a hill.
Ahead
was the south gate, and beyond it the lights of Parkside
Boulevard.
Jeff
stayed behind. He was the shortest of the group, and the only one wearing
glasses, his brown hair reaching almost to his shoulders. "Nice
guys."
Don
shrugged. "Okay, I guess."
They
walked from dark to light to dark again as the lampposts marked the edge of the
pathway. Jeffs tapped heels smacked on the pavement; Don's sneakers sounded
solid, as if they were made of hard rubber.
"How'd
you get stuck with that?" Lichter asked with a jerk of his thumb over his
shoulder.
"What,
the story stuff?"
"Yeah."
"I
didn't get stuck with it. Mrs. Klass asked me if I'd watch Cheryl for a while.
Said she'd give me a couple of bucks to keep her out of her hair. Next thing I
knew I had a gang."
"Yeah,
story of your life, I think."
Don
looked but saw nothing on his friend's face to indicate sarcasm, or pity.
"She
pay you?"
"I'll
get it tomorrow, at school."
"Like
I said--story of your life."
At
the bike stand they paused, staring through the high stone pillars to the empty
street beyond. Pratt and the others were gone, and there was little traffic
left to break the park's silence.
"That
creep got away with another one, you know," Jeff said then, looking
nervously back over his shoulder at the trees. "The Howler, I mean."
"I
heard." He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to talk about some
nut over inNew York who went around tearing up kids with his bare hands and
howling like a wolf when he was done. Five or six by now, he thought; once a
month since last spring, and now it was five or six dead. And the worst part
was, nobody even knew what he looked like. He could be an old man, or a woman
who hates kids, or ... or even a kid.
"Well,
if he comes here," Lichter said, glaring menacingly at the shadows, his
hair wind-fanned over his eyes, "I'll kick his balls right up to his
teeth. Or get Tracey's old man to arrest him for unlawful mutilation."
Don
laughed. "What? You mean there's such a thing as lawful mutilation?"
"Sure.
Ain't you never seen the dumb clothes Chris wears? Like she was a nun
sometimes? That's mutilation, brother, and she ought to be arrested for
it."
They
laughed quietly, shaking their heads, sharing the common belief that Chris
Snowden's figure was more explosive than dynamite, more powerful than a
speeding bullet,
more likely to cause heart attacks in every
senior class male than failing to make graduation.
Lichter
took off his glasses and polished them on his jacket. "I'll tell you,
she's enough to make me wish I was a virgin again."
This
time Don's laugh was strained, but he nodded just the same. He wasn't a prude;
he didn't mind talk about sex and women, but he wished the other guys would
quit their damned bragging, or their lying. If they kept it up, one of these
days he was going to slip and get found out.
"So,
you start studying for the bio test next week?" Lichter asked, his sly tone
indicating he already knew the answer. "Yeah, a little," he admitted
with an embarrassed grin. "Should be a snap."
"Right.
A snap. And if it isn't, you and I will be standing outside when graduation
comes around." He sighed loudly and looked up at the stars.
"Oh,
god, only eight more months and the torture is over.''
The
wind kicked up dust and made them turn their heads away.
"School,"
Jeff said then, with a slap to his arm.
"Yeah.
School."
Lichter
nodded, left waving at a slow trot, veering sharply right and vanishing. Don
knelt to work the combination of the lock he had placed on the tire chain, then
straddled the seat and gripped the arched handlebars. They were upright,
cranked out of their racing position less than ten minutes after he had brought
it home from the store. He didn't like hunching over, feeling somehow out of
control and forever toppling unless he could straighten his back. He pushed
off, then stopped as soon as he was on the sidewalk. To the right, far down the
street, were the hazed neon lights of Ashford's long shopping district;
directly opposite was the narrow island of trees and grass that separated the
wide boulevard into its east and west lanes; to the left the street poked into
a large residential area whose houses began as clean brick and tidy clapboard
and eventually deteriorated into rundown brownstone and aluminum siding that
had long since faded past its guarantee.
He
glanced behind him and smiled suddenly.
On
the path, just this side of the last lamppost, was a feather. A crow's feather
twice as long as a grown man's hand. It shimmered almost blue, was caught by
the wind, and tumbled toward him.
He
waited until it fluttered to a stop against the bike's rear tire, then shook
his head slowly. Boy, he thought, where were you when that kid opened his big
mouth?
But
as Jeff would say--the story of his life. Honest to god giant crows were not in
his stars.
Tanker
Falwick swore impotently under his breath. Thorns in the red-leafed bush had snagged
his coat sleeve and held it fast, and he couldn't move quickly without making a
hell of a racket. He slapped at them angrily while he rose and peered over the
wall. And groaned with a punch to his leg when he saw his last chance for
decent prey getting away. The boy was turning, bumping his ten-speed down off
the curb and across the street. Away from the park, in spite of the moon.
It
was too late. Goddamn, it was too late.
"Shit!"
he said aloud, and yanked his arm until the thorns came loose.
"Fucking
shit!"
A
glance up at the moon riding over the trees, and he swore again, silently,
hoping that the squirrel he'd killed earlier wouldn't be the only meal he'd
have tonight. There hadn't been much meat and its heart had been too small, and
twisting off its head didn't give him near the same satisfaction as tearing out
a kid's throat.
Several
automobiles sped past, a half-empty bus, a pickup with three punks huddled and
singing in the bed, a dozen more cars. None of them stopped, and when he headed
back into the trees, he couldn't hear a thing except his paper stuffed shoes
scuffling wearily through the leaves. He hushed himself a couple of times
before finally giving up. He wasn't listening, and there was, most likely, no
one else around to hear.
The
whole place had just been filled with damned kids, just filled to the rafters
with them, and every opportunity he'd had to introduce himself to one had been
thwarted in one way or another.
A
large dirt-smeared hand wiped harshly over his mouth, not feeling the stiff
greying bristles on his chin, on his sallow cheeks, on the slope of his wattled
neck. He sniffed, and coughed, and spat into the dark.
Then
he drew his worn tweed jacket over his broad chest, hunched powerful shoulders
against the wind, and moved toward the center path.
He
waited in the shadows for a full five minutes, then stepped out and took a deep
breath.
He
didn't like it back in there. He didn't like it at all despite his affinity
with the best parts of the dark. There were too many noises he didn't
understand, and too many shadows that trailed after him as he trailed the
children who were scurrying after their parents.
A
lousy night, all in all--except for the music.
He
stopped at the oval pond, checked the path, and knelt on the apron, then leaned
over and scooped some of the cold water into his mouth.
The
music was nice. Not bad for a bunch of fucking dumbass high school kids, and he
had even recognized some of the tunes. He had been hiding behind a patch of
dense laurel just to the left of the bandstand, nodding, humming silently, and
applauding without sound at the end of each number. He had also been hoping
that one of the punks would have to take a leak during the program and wouldn't
be prissy about heading into the bushes. Tonight he wasn't fussy
about the sex; one of the boys would have done
just as nicely as one of them young whores.
When
that didn't work and he couldn't move anyone over to him through the sheer
force of his will, he had moved down toward the south entrance since that's
where the fewest of the audience had headed when it was over. He was hoping for
a stray, but the little ones were too good, too well behaved, like those who
were at the pond while that other kid, the older one, the punk bastard in black
denim, told them a preposterous story about a stupid giant crow.
And
the big ones, the punks, the snot-nosed creeps who made up most of his fun,
they stuck together like glue right to the street. Especially the whores.
He
rocked back on his heels and dried his face with a sleeve.
That
had been a close one, that one had, the moment with the black denims. Suddenly
the punk had pointed right to the tree where he had been concealed, and he
thought for sure he'd been caught, the cops would be on his ass, and he'd be
fried without a trial. Then the kid had jabbered on about this dumb creature of
his, and there was an argument, and Tanker was able to slip away without
detection.
That,
he thought smugly, was the easy part--because he was a werewolf.
The
realization of his condition had been a long time coming, starting shortly
after he had been handed his separation pay and papers. They said he had lost
his touch with the new recruits; they said he wasn't living up to the image of
the "new army"; they said he drank too much; they said it was against
the new rules to hit the little snots when they didn't obey his commands. They
said. They, who weren't hardly born when he had first signed his name in that
pissant office in Hartford. And they said he ought to be able to find a pretty
good job somewhere, that his pension and the job would take care of him for the
rest of his life. After thirty years, though, the rest of his life wasn't all
that far away.
He
left Fort Gordon, Georgia, as he had arrived--on foot, his belongings slung
over his shoulder. Refusing several offers of a ride, he walked into Augusta,
put his things into a locker at the bus station, then went out and beat the
shit out of the first kid under twenty he could find.
There
had been a full moon that night, and though a number of people saw and chased
him, he had escaped. He noticed the connection right away because he had been
running ahead and behind his shadows the whole time, and he decided then and
there that the moon would be his charm. It would help him in civilian life make
a fortune and spit on those young bastards who thought they knew what the
military was all about.
It
didn't, though. It had plans for him he hadn't known at the time.
As
winter passed, and the jobs passed, and he was constantly in trouble for
mouthing off to spineless, candyass bosses usually two decades his junior, he
realized that.
As
the money ran low, and his friends stopped their loans, and the police looked at
him more closely the more his clothes began to fade, he realized that.
The
moon had other plans.
Another
winter, and a third luckily mild. But the fourth was spent freezing to death in
an overcrowded shelter for homeless men in New York
City.
Humiliation compounded when he was interviewed by a bleeding-heart liberal
television reporter and he had tried to explain about his service to the
country, and all the reporter wanted to know was if he could get a decent
night's sleep in the same room with fifty other old men.
Old
men.
Old
man.
Christ,
he had turned into an old man and he hadn't even known it.
That's
when the moon came to him again. Last winter. To save him and show him what
werewolves could do.
He
had been stumbling along Eighth Avenue, popping into one porn place after
another in hopes of getting a free peek at some tits since he hadn't the stuff
to find some piece of his own, when a guy in tight jeans and leather jacket did
something to his ass as he passed by.
Tanker
had frozen, turned slowly, and saw the look in the kid's eyes.
Blank,
like they were dead.
He
had almost thrown up, but looked lip and saw the moon, looked back to the young
hustler and let himself smile. He still had good teeth, still tried to exercise
when he had the food in him, and it wasn't hard, in that two-by-four hotel room
that smelled like piss and pot, to tear the sonofabitch apart.
The
moon winked.
And
Tanker howled before he rolled the punk and left.
It
wasn't the sex, it was the age.
"Babyfucks,"
he muttered. That's what they all were-- babyfucks taking on the world like
they knew what they were doing, leaving good men like him behind to fill up the
gutters and the bars and the steps of churches that locked their doors at night.
Babyfucks
who didn't know the power of Tanker Falwick, the power of the man who had
personally seen the rise and the fall of the armored First
Cav,
who had crushed Nazis and Fascists and gooks beneath his treads, and who
couldn't understand why a tank had to have all them damned computer things
inside when all a man had to do was aim the fucking thing and run the enemy
down. It was as simple as that, and he didn't need a babyfuck TV screen in his
lap to tell him how to do it.
They
said he was untrainable in the ways of the new army;
they said he was unstable because he fought
them every step and trench of the way; they said he had to keep going to the
babyfuck shrink or they'd muster him out and leave him on his own.
They
said.
But
they didn't say anything about the moon, and how it felt on his face, and how
the blood felt when he found the kids and tore out their throats and tore out
their guts and sipped a little red and gnawed a little meat and howled his
signature before moving on.
They
didn't say anything about that.
He
rose, skirted the pond, and headed for the ball field and the large thicket
where he had watched the concert. He would sleep there tonight and hope for a
bit of luck tomorrow, for something more than a squirrel to keep the moon his
friend. He needed some badly. He needed something to fill his stomach and
something to leave behind and something to remind all those babyfucks that
Tanker Falwick was still around. He couldn't do it anymore in New York, in the
state or the city, because they had found the alley lean-to where he lived when
the black hooker with the blonde hair saw him one morning dressed in fresh
dripping red.
But
he didn't mind because there was a whole country out here just waiting to
learn.
First
stop, then, this burg, whatever name it had.
He
didn't care. All he knew was that it had a lot of kids who thought they were
going to live forever.
Despite
the fact that it was a school night and his parents didn't like him staying out
so late when he had to get up so early, Don decided not to go home right away.
Instead, he pedaled across the boulevard, over the center island, and headed
east until he reached his street. He turned into it and kept going, not looking
left except to note that the station wagon wasn't in the driveway, so his folks
still weren't home. And that was all right with him because it was getting
harder to stand their sneaking around him as if he didn't know what was going
on.
He
had no idea where he was headed, only that he didn't want to get warm just yet.
He liked the autumn nights, the way the air felt like thin ice on a pond, crisp
and clean and ready to shatter as soon as you touched it; he liked the trees so
black they were almost invisible, and the way the leaves were raked into huge
gold and red piles in the gutters, and the way they made the air smell tart and
smoky; he liked the sounds of things on an autumn night, sharp and ringing and
carrying a hundred miles. It was somehow comforting, this stretch of weeks
before November, and he wanted to enjoy it as long as he could. Before he had
to go back; before he had to go home.
He
scowled at himself then and slapped the handlebar, slamming his hair away from
his high forehead with a punishing hand. That wasn't really fair. He really
didn't have such a bad life, not really, not when you thought about it. The
house was large enough so that everyone had his privacy, and old enough so that
it didn't look like all the others on the block; his room was pretty big, and
he never wanted for a decent meal or decent clothes, and he was fairly
confident he would be going to college next fall if he kept his grades where
they were, nothing spectacular but not shameful either.
But
he didn't want to go home.
Not
just yet.
There
were two high schools in town--Ashford North and Ashford South. He attended
South, where his father was the principal, and he had to work like a dog to get
his competent grades because he was the honcho's kid and favoritism was
forbidden. Norman Boyd had been in charge there for five years before his son
became a freshman, and Don was as positive as he could be without proof that
his father had met
with all his prospective teachers privately
before school began, perhaps one at a time in his office, and told them that
while he didn't expect them to curry favor by giving the boy good grades just
because he was who he was, neither did he expect them to punish Don if
decisions were made that they didn't agree with.
Don
was to be treated just like any other student, no better and no worse.
He
was sure that's what had happened. And sure now they were ignoring their boss
since it looked more and more as if the faculty was going to walk out at the
end of next month over a salary and hours dispute that had erupted last May.
His
father didn't believe him.
And
neither did his mother, who taught art in Ashford North.
Besides,
she was too busy anyway. She had all her lessons and projects to prepare for
and grade, she had her private painting to do whenever she could take the time
and get back into Sam's old bedroom, and she had the Ashford Day Committee that
was beginning to keep her out of the house and his life most nights of the
week.
And
somewhere in between, when she thought about it at all, there was little Donny
to look after.
Damn,
he thought as he turned the corner sharply, nearly scraping the tires against
the curb; little Donny. It wasn't his fault that Sam had died, was it? Sam,
whose real name was Lawrence but called Sam because his mother said he looked
like a Sam; Sam, who had been five years younger than Don, and had died
screaming of a ruptured appendix while the family was on vacation, camping out
in Yellowstone. Four years ago.
In
the middle of nowhere.
Sam,
who was a shrimp and liked listening to his stories.
It
wasn't his fault, and nobody really blamed him for not telling them about Sam's
pains because he wanted to go so badly, but he was the only child left and
godalmighty they were making absolutely sure he wouldn't leave them before they
were good and ready to let him go.
He
swung around another corner, slowed, and looked down the street as if he'd
never seen it before. It was an odd sensation, one that made him close his
eyes, and open them again slowly to bring it back into proper focus.
Slower
then, the bike on the verge of wobbling.
It
was much like his own street--homes dating back to the Depression and beyond to
the turn of the century, all wood and brick and weather-smooth stone, with small
front yards and old oaks at the curbside, the sidewalks uneven and the street
itself in deep shadow, where the leaves still on their branches muffled the
streetlights' glare.
And
several cars parked at the curbs.
Nothing
at all out of the ordinary, and ordinarily he would have ridden right on. But
tonight there was something different, something he couldn't see, something he
thought he could feel. It seemed familiar enough--Tar Boston lived halfway
down, in a green Cape Cod with white shutters and no porch--and yet it wasn't
the same.
Slower
still, as if someone were behind him, pulling a cord and drawing it beneath the
tires.
He
closed one eye, opened it, and gripped the handlebars a bit tighter.
The
cars.
It
was the cars.
No
matter what color they were, they were dark--gleaming dark, waiting dark. The
facets of their headlamps glowing faintly like spidereyes caught by the moon,
and the windshields pocked with the onset of frost.
Their
sides reflected black; their tops reflected the shadows of dying trees. They
were giant cats from the jungle somehow transformed, and all the more menacing
for it.
Finally
he stopped in the middle of the street and watched them, licked quickly at his
lips and imagined them waiting
here just for him, waiting for him to tell
them what to do. A stable of cars. No. An army of cars. Patiently waiting for
the order to kill.
His
mouth worked at the start of a smile while he nodded to them all and told them
his name.
From
somewhere down the block, just past the middle, an engine rumbled softly.
Metal
creaked.
A
chassis rocked slowly back and forth in place.
He
bit at his lower lip; he was scaring himself.
A
headlamp winked.
Tires
crackled as if they were frozen to the blacktop.
Jesus,
he thought, and wiped a palm over his mouth.
The
engine died.
Metal
stopped shifting.
There
was only the faint hiss of late downtown traffic.
He
pushed off again and barely made the far corner without swerving off the road,
then headed rapidly back up the boulevard toward home. A bus grumbled past him,
exhaust clouding his face. He coughed and slowed again, watched as the amber
lights strung along its roofline vanished when the street shrank into the dark
that hung below the lighted sky above the next town.
Jesus,
he thought again, and made himself shudder. He knew it was only heat escaping
from the engines, released from the metal frames, that someone had only been
warming up a motor in a garage. That's all it was.
Yet
he made himself think of something else, like what it was like to live in a
place where the cities and towns weren't slambang against each other, like they
were here, all the way to New York. Spooky, he decided.
All
that open space, or all those trees--spooky as hell, and anyway,
Ashford
wasn't all that bad of a place.
He
turned into his block again, saw the station wagon in the driveway, and pulled
up behind it. After wiping his hands on his jeans, he walked the bike through
the open garage door. There was no room inside for the car--too many garden
tools and cartons and a thousand odds and ends that somehow always managed to
be carted out here when there was no place immediate anyone could think of to
put them.
Like
an attic with its house buried a mile below the ground.
He
hesitated, and wiped his hands again as a sliver of tension worked its way
across his back. Then he opened the door and stepped into the kitchen.
"I
thought," his mother said, "you'd been kidnapped, for heaven's sake."
the light was bright; he squinted to adjust.
She
was standing at the sink with one hip cocked, rinsing out a cup while the
percolator bubbled noisily on the counter beside her. Her hair was dark and
long, reaching almost to the middle of her back, and when she pulled it
together with a vivid satin ribbon the way it was now, she looked almost young
enough to be one of her own students. Especially when she smiled and her large
eyes grew wide. Which she did when he walked up and kissed her cheek, shucked
his jacket, and draped it over the back of a chair.
He
was going to tell her about the cars, changed his mind when she looked away,
back to her cleaning.
"I
was riding."
"Good
for you," she declared, glowering at a stain that would not leave the cup.
"Fresh air is very good for you. It flushes out the dead cells in the
blood, but I guess you already know that from biology or something."
"Right."
A
glance into the half-filled refrigerator and he pulled out a can of soda.
"But
that gassy junk, dear, is bad for you," she said, setting the cup down and
rinsing out another. There was a stack of dirty dishes in the sink, soaking in
hot soapy water. Maybe tomorrow she would get around to washing them all.
"It's not good to drink that stuff before you go to bed. It lies there in
your stomach not doing anything but making you burp and giving you
nightmares."
"Am
I going to bed?"
She
tsked at him and pursed her lips. "Donald, it is now"--she checked
the sunflower-shaped clock over the stove--"forty-seven minutes past ten
o'clock. Exactly. You have school tomorrow. I have school tomorrow. And
I'm
tired."
The
percolator buzzed at her and she pulled out the plug.
"You
didn't have to wait up for me if you're that tired, you know, Mom."
She
dried the cups and poured the coffee, everything perfectly timed. "I
didn't. Your father's been on the phone since we walked in the door. By the
way," she added as he headed for the living room, "I saw that Chris
playing the piano tonight. She's really quite pretty, you know it? Are you
going to take her to the do?"
"I
don't know," he said, still walking away. "Maybe."
"What?"
"Maybe!"
he called back, and under his breath: "On a cold day in hell, lady."
Chris
Snowden was the new girl on the block, and in this case it was literal. She and
her family had moved in three doors down in the middle of last August. Her hair
was such a pale blonde it was nearly white, her skin looked so soft you could
lose your fingers in it if you tried to touch it, and, Brian Pratt's crudeness
aside, she had a figure he had seen only in the movies. She was, at first
glance, a laughable stereotype--cheerleader, brainless, and the football team
captain's personal choice for a consort. Which she had been for a while, while
everyone nodded, then professed shock and puzzlement when she started dating
the president of the student council. She didn't need the grades, so he wasn't
doing her homework, and she didn't need the ride to school, because it was only
five blocks away and she walked every morning--except when it rained and she
drove her own car, a dark red convertible whose top was always up. Then just
last week it was known she was on her own again, and those who decided such
things decided she was only sleeping around.
Don
puffed his cheeks, blew out, and sighed.
Chris's
father was a doctor in some prestigious hospital in New York, and if Don's
mother had her way, he would be taking her to every event of the town's
century-plus birthday-- the Ashford Day picnic, party, dance, concert, football
game, whatever. A full week of celebration. But even if he wanted to, he knew
he didn't have a chance.
Just
as he reached the front hall and was about to turn right into the living room,
he heard his father's voice and changed his mind.
"I
don't give a sweet Jesus what you think, Harry. I am not going to take a
position one way or another."
Great,
Don thought gloomily; just great.
The
position was which side of the dispute to be on; Harry was Mr.
Harold
Falcone, his biology instructor and president of the teachers' union.
"Look,"
his father said as Don poked his head around the doorway, "I've pushed
damned hard for you and your people since the day I walked into that place, and
you know it. I got money for the labs, the teams, for the goddamned
maintenance, for god's sake, so don't you dare tell me I don't
sympathize."
Norman
Boyd was sitting in his favorite chair, a monstrous green thing with scarred
wood trim and a sagging cushion. His back was to Don, and it was rigid.
"What?
What? Harry, goddamnit to hell, if my mother hadn't taught me better, I'd hang
up on you right now for that kind of nonsense. What do you mean, I don't give a
shit? I do give a shit! But can't you see past your wallet just this once and
understand that I'm caught between a rock and a hard place here? My god, man,
you're screaming crap in one ear and the board is screaming crap in the other,
and I'm damned for doing this and damned for doing that, and double damned if I
don't do a thing--which is exactly what I feel like doing sometimes, believe
me,"
He
tapped a long finger on the handset, looked up at the high plaster ceiling, and
used his free hand to rake through his greying brown hair.
A
deep breath swelled his chest beneath a white crewneck sweater; the tapping
moved to the top of his thigh.
"I
will be at the negotiations, yes. I've already told you that." He shifted.
"I will not--" He glanced over his shoulder. "Yes, of course my
contract is up for renewal at the end of this year. I know that, you know that,
the board knows it--for Jesus's sake, the whole damned world knows about it by
now!" He saw his son and grimaced a smile. "What? Yes!
Yes,
damnit, I admit it, are you happy? I do not want to jeopardize my job and my
future just because you assholes couldn't come to terms over the summer.
No," he said with acid sweetness, "I do not expect your support
either if I decide to run for office.''
He
grinned then and returned the handset to its cradle on the floor beside him.
"The creep hung up on me. He ain't got no manners, and that's shocking in
a teacher. Hi, Don, saw you talking to the kids tonight. You change your mind
about joining us and being a teacher, carrying on the new family tradition?"
"Dad,"
he said, suddenly cold. "Dad, there's a big test next week. Mr.
Falcone
is my teacher."
"I
know that."
"But
you were yelling at him!"
"Hey,
he won't do anything, don't worry about it."
Don
squeezed the soda can. "You always say that."
"And
it always turns out, right?"
"No,"
he said softly. "No, not always." And before his father could
respond, he said, "See you tomorrow. It's late. Mom wants me in bed."
He
took the stairs slowly in case his father wanted to join him, but there was
nothing but the sound of his mother bringing in the coffee, and the start of
low voices. He heard his name once before he reached the top landing, but there
was no temptation to eavesdrop. He knew what they were probably saying.
Dad
was wondering if there was anything wrong, and Mom would tell him it was all
part of growing up and Donny was really in a difficult position and perhaps
Norm shouldn't lose his temper like that at the boy's teachers. Dad would
bluster a bit, deny any problems, finally see the point, and reassure his wife
that none of the faculty would dare do anything out of line, not if they wanted
his support in the strike.
It
was getting to be an old story.
Great,
he thought as he pushed into his room. I'm not a son anymore, I'm a weapon. An
ace up the old sleeve. If I fail, it isn't me, it's the teachers getting even;
if I get an A, it isn't me, it's the teacher kissing ass. Great. Just . . .
great.
He
slammed the door, turned on the light, and greeted his pets by kicking the bed.
"I
don't understand it," said Joyce Boyd from her place on the sofa when she
heard the door slam. "He's a perfectly normal boy, we know that, but he
hardly ever goes anywhere anymore. If we hadn't insisted tonight, he would have
stayed home, playing with those damned things he has upstairs."
"Sure
he goes out," Norm said, lighting a cigarette, crossing his legs.
"But
with all your zillion civic projects and that
Art
League thing--not to mention the Ashford Day business-- you're just not home
long enough to see it."
Her
eyes narrowed. "That's a crack."
"Yeah,
so?"
"I
thought we agreed not to do that anymore."
He
studied the cigarette's tip, the round of his knees, and brushed at an ash that
settled on his chest. The coffee was on the table beside him, growing cold.
"I guess we did at that."
"I
guess we did at that," she mimicked sourly, and pulled her legs under her.
A hand passed wearily over her eyes. "Damn you, Norman," she said
wearily, "I do the best I can.''
"Sure
you do," he answered without conviction. "Whenever you're
around."
"Well,
look at him, will you?" Her lips, thin at best, vanished when her mouth
tightened. "When was the last time you spent an evening with him, huh? I
don't think that poor boy has seen you for more than a couple of hours in the
last two weeks."
"I
have a school year to run," he reminded her tonelessly, "and a
possible strike on my hands. Besides, he sees me at the school every day."
"Not
hardly the same thing, Norm, and you know it. You're not his father there, not
the way it should be."
He
pushed himself deeper into the chair and stretched out his legs.
"Knock
it off, Joyce, okay? I'm tired, and the boy can take care of himself."
"Well,
so am I tired," she snapped, "but I have to defend myself and you
don't, is that it?"
"What's
to defend?"
Her
eyes closed briefly. "Nothing," she said in mild disgust, and reached
over a pile of manila folders for a magazine, flipped the pages without
looking, and tossed it aside. She picked up a folder--schedules for Ashford
Day. She was one of the women in charge of coordinating the entertainment from
the two high schools. She dropped that as well and plucked at her blouse.
"I worry about all that running he does too."
He
was surprised, and he showed it.
"What
I mean is," she said hastily, "it's not really like jogging, is it?
He's not interested in keeping fit or joining the track team or cross-country.
He just . . . runs." "Well, what's wrong with that? It's good for
him."
"But
he's always alone," she said, looking at him as if he ought to understand.
"And he doesn't have a regular schedule either, nothing like that at all.
He just runs when he gets in one of his moods. And he doesn't even do it here,
around the block or something--he does it at the school track.''
"Joyce,
you're not making sense. Why run on cracked pavement and take a chance on a
broken leg or twisted ankle when you can run on a real track?"
"It
just ... I don't know. It just doesn't feel right."
"Maybe
it helps him think. Some guys lift weights, some guys use a punching bag, and
Donald runs. So what?"
"If
he has problems," she said primly, "he shouldn't . . . he shouldn't
try to run away from them. He should come to us."
"Why?"
he said coldly. "The way you've been lately, why should he bother?"
"Me?"
Her
stare was uncomfortable.
"All
right. We." And he let his eyes close.
A
few moments later: "Norman, do you think he's forgotten that animal
hospital stuff?"
"I
guess. He hasn't said anything since last month. At least not to me."
"Me
either."
He
opened his eyes again and looked at the empty fireplace, ran a finger absently
down the crooked length of his nose. "I guess, when you think about it, we
didn't handle it very well.
We
could have shown a little more enthusiasm."
"Agreed."
She rubbed at her knees.
Norm
allowed himself a sly look. "Maybe," he said with a glance to his
wife, "we ought to do like that couple we read about in the Times, the one
that claimed they solved their kid's mind-shit by taking him to a massage
parlor." He chuckled quietly. "That's it. Maybe we ought to get him
laid." He laughed aloud, shaking his head and trying to imagine his
son--not a movie star, but not an ogre either-- humping a woman. He couldn't do
it. Donald, as far as he was concerned, was almost totally sexless.
"Jesus,"
she muttered.
"Christ,
I was only kidding."
"Jesus."
She reached again for the magazine, gave it up halfway through the motion, and
stood. "I'm going to bed. I have to teach tomorrow."
He
waited until she was in the foyer before he rose and followed.
"You
don't have to come."
"I
know," he said, "but I have to be principal tomorrow."
At
the landing she turned and looked down at him. "We're going to get a
divorce, aren't we?"
He
gripped the banister hard and shook his head. "God, Joyce, do you have to
end every disagreement with talk of divorce? Other people argue like cats and
dogs and they don't go running for a lawyer."
He
followed her down the hall, past Don's room, and into their own. She switched
on the dresser lamp and opened their bathroom door. Her blouse was already
unbuttoned by the time he had sagged onto the bed and had his shoes off. Standing
in the doorway, the pale light pink behind her from the tile on the walls and
floor, she dropped the blouse and kicked it away. She wasn't wearing a bra, and
though he could not see her face, he knew it wasn't an invitation.
"I
know why," she said, working at the snap on her slacks.
"Why
what?"
"Why
you don't love me anymore."
"Oh,
for god's sake." His shirt was off, and he dug for his pajamas folded
under the pillow.
"No,
really, I know. You think Harry and I are having an affair. That's why you're
so hard on him. That's why you make an ass of yourself when you talk to him
like you did tonight."
"You're
full of it," he said unconvincingly. He put on his top, stood, and
unfastened his belt, zipper, and let his trousers fall. "I figure you have
better taste than that."
She
turned away to the basin, running hot water and steaming the light-ringed
mirror. "You don't have to pretend, Norman. I know. I know."
Except
for her panties she was naked. Her breasts were still small and firm, her
stomach reasonably flat for a woman who'd had two children and didn't exercise,
and her legs were so long they seemed to go on forever.
He
watched as she leaned forward to squeeze toothpaste onto her toothbrush; he
watched while she examined herself in the mirror, turning slightly left and
right. He watched, and he was saddened, because she didn't do a thing for him.
It's
a bitch, he thought; god, life is a bitch.
He
wriggled under the covers, rubbed his eyes to relieve them of an abrupt burning
itch, and looked at her again. "Are you?" he asked at last.
"With Harry, I mean."
"You
bastard," she said, and slammed the door.
The
overcoat wasn't going to be enough, but Tanker had nothing else to use as a
blanket. The leaves covered most of him, and the brush kept away most of the
wind, but it still wasn't enough.
What
he needed to relax was one of them whores. Like the one up in Yonkers. Tits
breaking out of her sweater, teenage ass as tight as her jeans. When he yanked
her into the alley and clubbed her with a fist so she wouldn't scream, he had
known once again he wouldn't be dying without getting a piece. Her eyes had
crossed when he dropped her on the ground, and she'd spat blood at him when he
slapped her again; but she was warm, no doubt about it. She was warm right up
until the moment he had opened her throat with his knife, and had finished the
job with his nails grown especially long.
She
had been warm, and now he was cold, and he decided that the next one would have
to be one of them whores.
He
shivered, huddled deeper under the coat and the leaves, and closed his eyes,
sighed, and waited for sleep.
Waiting
an hour later, eyes wide and watching.
It
was the park.
The
moon was up there, still guarding him, still whispering him his orders, but
there was something else, something in the park that was waiting just for him.
He tried scoffing at it, but the feeling wouldn't go away; he tried banishing
it with a determined shake of his head, but it wouldn't go away.
It
was out there, somewhere, and if it hadn't been for the moon, he knew he'd be
dead.
Tomorrow,
he promised himself, crossing his heart and pointing at his eye; tomorrow he
would have a whore, and then get the-hell out.
And
if the moon didn't show, he'd kill somewhere else.
The
door was open just enough to let a bar of light from the hallway drop across
the brown shag rug, climb the side of the bed, and pin him to the mattress. Don
lay on top of the covers, head on the pillow, hands clasped on his stomach, and
checked to be sure his friends were still with him. Above the headboard was a
poster of a panther lying in a jungle clearing and licking its paw while it
stared at the camera; on the wall opposite, flanking the door, were posters of
elephants charging with trunks up through the brush, their ears fanned wide and
their tusks sharply pointed and an unnatural white. Elsewhere around the large
room were pictures and prints of leopards and cheetahs running, eagles
stooping, pumas stalking, a cobra from the back to show the eyes on its hood.
On the chest of drawers was a fake stuffed bobcat with fangs bared; on the low
dresser was a miniature stuffed lion; in the blank spaces on the three
unfinished bookcases were plaster and plastic figurines he had made and painted
himself, claws and teeth and talons and eyes. And above the desk set
perpendicular to the room's only window was a tall poster framed behind
reflectionless glass--a dirt road bordered by a dark screen of immense poplars
that lay shadows on the ground, shadows in the air, deepened the twilight sky,
and made the stars seem brighter; and down the road, just coming over the
horizon, was a galloping black horse, its hooves striking sparks from hidden
stones, breath steaming from its nostrils, eyes narrowed, and ears laid back.
It had neither rider nor reins, and it was evident that should it ever reach
the foreground, it would be the largest horse the viewer had ever seen.
His
friends.
His
pets.
After
examining them a second time, he rolled over and buried his face in the crook
of his arm.
His
parents refused to allow real animals in the house, at least since
Sam
had died and they had given the kid's parakeet to an aunt in
Pennsylvania.
Because of the memories; and it didn't seem to make a difference that Don had
loved the dumb bird too.
When
he pressed for a replacement--any kind, he wasn't fussy--his mother claimed a
severe allergy to cats, and his father told him reasonably there wasn't anyone
around the place long enough anymore to take adequate care of a dog. Fish were
boring, birds and turtles carried all manner of exotic and incurable diseases,
and hamsters and gerbils were too dumb to do anything but sleep and eat.
He
had long ago decided he didn't mind; if his parents weren't exactly thrilled
about what he wanted to do with his life, why should he fuss over the absence
of some pets?
Because,
he told himself; just because.
And
suddenly it was summer again, the sun was up, and he was down in the living
room, bursting with excitement. Both his folks were there, summoned from their
chores in the yard and waiting anxiously. He could tell by the look on his
mother's face that she expected him to say he was quitting school to get
married, by the look on his father's that he'd gotten some girl pregnant.
"I
know what I'm going to study at college," he had said in a voice that
squeaked with apprehension, and he bolstered his nerves by taking his father's
chair without thinking.
"Good,"
Norman had said with a smile. "I hope you'll get so rich I can quit and
you can support me in a manner to which I would love to become
accustomed."
He
had laughed because he couldn't think of anything else to do, and his mother
had hit Norm's arm lightly.
"What
is it, dear," she'd asked.
"I'm
going to be a doctor."
"Well,
son of a bitch," his father had said, his smile stretching to a proud
grin.
"Oh,
my god, Donald," Joyce had whispered, her eyes suddenly glistening.
"Sure,"
he said, relieved the worst part was over and there was no scene to endure.
"I like animals, they like me, and I like learning about them and taking
care of them. So I might as well get paid for doing what I like, right? So I'm
gonna be a veterinarian."
The
silence had almost bludgeoned him to the carpet, and it wasn't until several
seconds had passed that he realized they had misunderstood him, that they had
thought at that moment he had meant he was going to be an M.D.
Joyce's
smile had gone strained, but she still professed joy that he was finally
decided; his father had taken him outside after a while and told him, for at
least the hundred-millionth time, that he was the first member of the Boyd
family to get a college education, and Donald would be the second. He said he
hoped with all his heart the boy knew what he was doing.
"Being
a teacher, and now a principal," Norman had said, "is something
I'm
not ashamed to be proud of, son. Being a vet, though, that's not ... well, it's
not really anything at all, when you think about it. I mean, helping cats
instead of babies isn't exactly my idea of medicine."
"But
I like animals," he had argued stubbornly. "And I don't like the way
people treat them."
"Oh.
Dr. Dolittle, I presume?" his father had said lightly.
"Yeah.
Maybe."
"Don."
And a hand rested on his shoulder. "Look, I just want to be sure you're
positive. It's a hell of a step, making up your mind about something like
this."
"I
wouldn't have said it if I wasn't."
"Well,
at least think about it, all right? As a favor to me and your mother. It's only
August. You have a full year to graduation, and even then you really don't have
to make up your mind. Some kids take a lot of time. You just take all the time
you need."
He
had wanted to shout that he had done all the thinking he had to on the subject;
instead, he had only nodded and walked away, and had walked and run for the
rest of the day. When he finally returned home, nothing was said about the
announcement, and nothing had been said since.
He
grinned now in his bed; he wasn't quite as thick as his father thought him--he
knew they were hoping he would come to his senses and decide to treat rich old
ladies instead of little old poodles.
What
they didn't know was that he didn't want to work with poodles or
Persians
or dachshunds or Siamese; what he wanted was to work with the live equivalents
of the pets in his room.
They'd
scream bloody murder if they knew about that.
But
he didn't mind, because nothing they could do would make him change his
decision; now if he could only stop minding the sound of them arguing.
The
voices in their room, as if at his command, stopped, and he undressed quickly
and got into bed. Stared at the ceiling. Wondered if he was soon going to
become part of a statistic. Jeff Lichter's folks had divorced when he was ten,
and he lived with his father two blocks over. He was an all-right guy, nothing
wrong there, but Brian Pratt lived with his mother, and whether it was because
of the divorce or not,
Brian
was practically living on his own.
Nuts,
he thought, and rolled onto his stomach, held up his head, and looked with a
vague smile at the panther, men over to the horse, then the otters on the
nearest bookcase. There were no names for any of them, but he shuddered to
think of what Brian or Tar would say if they ever found out he sometimes talked
to them all. Just a few words, not whole conversations. A touch on one for luck
before a test, a wish on another that he would meet The Girl and wouldn't have
to suffer the guys' teasing anymore, a wish on still another that he would wake
up in the morning and discover that he had turned into a superman.
He
grinned.
Don
the Superman! Leaping tall buildings at a single bound! Carrying Tar
Boston
over the park and dropping him headfirst right into the pond.
Saving
Chris Snowden from a rampaging Brian and letting her be as grateful as she
wanted.
Using
his X-ray vision to see through Tracey Quintero's baggy sweaters just to check
if anything was really there.
Don
the Superman.
"Don
the jerk," he said.
It
was funny, when he thought about it, how the little kids were the only ones he
could really talk to. For some reason most of them thought his stories were
pretty okay, except for that one little monster tonight. A laugh was muffled by
the pillow. A good thing the brat's parents had come along just then, or he
would have had them all really seeing that giant crow in the tree.
And
damn, wouldn't that be something!
Don
the Superman, and his giant pal, Crow!
Just
before he fell asleep, he wished he could wake up and discover that he was the
handsomest kid in the entire city, maybe the whole state, maybe even the whole
world.
Just
about anything except waking up to see plain old Don Boyd still there in the
bathroom mirror.
The
next seven days slipped into October on the back of a lost football game in
which Brian dropped three sure touchdowns and Tar and Fleet each fumbled once,
an article in the weekly newspaper implying that the
Ashford
South principal was delaying successful contract negotiations by his refusal
for political reasons to support the people he led, and a series of grim
reports on New York television's early evening news programs concerning the
Howler--since his last victim had died almost two weeks before, the police
theorized he had either committed suicide or had left the state, a notion
adopted by Don and Jeff with an accompanying shiver of macabre delight.
On
Tuesday morning Chris Snowden walked to school only a block ahead of him, and
he could not decide whether to try to catch up and hope for a conversation,
maybe she'd throw herself into his arms, or hang back and just watch. In the
cafeteria he and Jeff scowled at the offering of scorched macaroni and cheese,
and decided that Chris was probably into older men these days--college guys, if
not their fathers.
Then
Don watched Tracey Quintero pick up her tray and carry it to the gap in the
wall where a worker was waiting to scrub it down for the next user.
"Hey,
Jeff, do you think it's possible for someone to be in love with two women at
the same time?"
"Sure.
I think."
"It
has to be possible. I mean, different women have different things to offer a
guy, right? And a guy can't find everything he wants in one woman, right? So he
has to find them in different women, right?"
Jeff
looked at him sideways. "What?"
"It
makes sense, don't you think?"
"It
makes sense if you're crazy, sure."
"Well,
I'm not crazy, and it makes sense, and I think I'm in love."
"Lust,"
Jeff corrected. "It's lust."
"What
a pal."
"Well,
hell, Don, that's nuts, y'know?"
"I
thought you agreed."
"I
did too until I heard what you said."
He
poked at the macaroni, stabbed at the cheese crust, and sighed as he opened a
carton of milk. As he drank, Chris walked in, alone, saw him, and smiled and
walked out again.
"God,"
he whispered.
"Maybe
she likes you."
He
didn't dare believe it; he didn't even know her.
"Or,"
said Jeff as he rose to leave, "she knows your old man and wants to polish
a few apples, if you know what I mean."
Don
sagged glumly, and Jeff realized his mistake, could do nothing about it, and
hurried out. Don watched him go, then rose and followed slowly.
Lichter
had reminded him about a girl he had gone with as a sophomore.
He
thought he had found a one-way express ticket to heaven the way she treated
him, trotted after him, made him laugh, and taught him the preliminaries of
making love. Then, one day at his locker, he had overheard her talking with
Brian, giggling and swearing on her mother's grave that the only reason she saw
him was because of his father.
"I
am not working one minute more than I have to to get out of here," she'd
said. "And what tightass teacher's gonna flunk me when I'm messing around
with the principal's kid?"
Several,
apparently, after he broke it off that next Friday night. He had confronted
her, she had denied it, and he had lost his temper, forgetting one of his
parents' cardinal rules: never yell or threaten because it cheapens you and
puts you on the defensive, because a threat made has to be carried out or it's
worthless; if you're going to threaten, make sure you can do it.
She
had laughed at him.
And
though she was gone before the end of the year, he felt no satisfaction. All
her leaving had proved was that she had been right, and smiles in his direction
were seldom the same anymore.
On
Wednesday he saw Chris again, and she ignored him.
It
should have made him feel better; instead, he felt lousy, especially after his
guidance counselor told him how expensive it was going to be to study
veterinary medicine. His father was going to have a fit, and his mother might
even relent and permit him to get a job to help defray the expenses.
He
almost forgot Thursday's biology test.
"The
meeting's over by now," Joyce said.
Harry
Falcone punched at the pillows behind his back and watched with a lopsided grin
as she dressed. "Tell him it ran late."
"They
always run late. He doesn't believe it, you know."
Falcone
shrugged; he didn't care.
When
she was finished, she turned to look at him, the sheet just barely over his
groin, his dark curly hair in matted
tangles over his face. Patrician, she thought;
put a toga on him and he'd look like a Roman senator about to slice up an
emperor.
His
smile exposed capped white teeth. "Thinking about seconds?"
She
was. She hated herself for it, but she was. She wanted those hands on her rough
not gentle, she wanted the weight of him crushing her into the mattress, she
wanted the forgetfulness his sex brought--and she wanted to cut his throat for
what he was making her do to her family.
"No."
"Too
bad," he said. "Once the strike starts, it'll be hard seeing
you."
Gathering
her hair so she could tie on the ribbon, Joyce walked out of the room and
picked up her coat. A hesitation-- did she leave anything behind Norman would
notice?--before she opened the apartment door.
"Hey,"
he called from the bedroom.
She
waited.
"Nice
lay, kiddo."
Bastard,
she thought, slamming the door behind her, wincing as she headed for the fire
exit and took the stairs shakily.
It
was stupid, and it was the stuff of dreamlike romance-- that a man would come along
and sweep her off her feet, carry her into the sunset and unheard of ecstasy.
She had told herself a thousand times that it was partly Norman's fault, that
his preoccupation with running the school and unofficially running for mayor
had somehow left her behind.
She
was no longer his partner, but a woman expected to remain ten paces back in his
shadow.
The
catch was, she'd never been able to keep a secret from her husband.
Her
eyes, too large for deception, betrayed her every night, and she was positive
he was taunting her, tormenting her so she would admit it to his face.
And
as she drove home, making sure she approached the house from the direction of
the building where the meeting was supposed to have been held, she put a hand
to her breast and felt the residue of Harry's touch.
It
would be a hell of a lot easier, she thought, if she could just decide if
staying with Norman was mere habit, or real love. And if it was the latter,
what would Harry do if she broke the affair off?
The
temperature slipped just before dawn, and the ground was covered with crackling
frost, the first of the season. It ghosted the windshields and sugared the
lawns, and as he walked to school he watched his breath puff to clouds. It was
a good feeling, and he took long strides to force himself awake. He hadn't been
sleeping long the night before, when something inside reminded him about the
exam. He had awakened instantly and sat at his desk until just before sunrise,
alternately reading his notes and talking with the galloping horse who had no
pity for his error.
When
his mother came home from the committee meeting, he had gone rigid, expecting a
scolding for being up so late, and was surprised when she passed the door
without stopping, sounding for all the world as if she were crying.
At
the end of the block he turned left, having studiously avoiding staring at
Chris's house. He crossed the street and moved more briskly, keeping his eyes
wide, hoping a good strong wind would slap some sense into his foggy brain.
On
his left were small houses crowded together on small lots, smothered by trees
and azaleas and evergreen shrubs. Two blocks later they were stopped by a high
chain link fence almost buried under swarms of ivy that rolled over its top. A
large manicured lawn began on the other side, sweeping back and down the slope
toward practice fields and the stadium, sweeping ahead of him toward the bulk
of the school itself--a building of red brick and greying white marble, two
stories in front and three in back, where the land fell away; tall windows,
wide tiled corridors, an auditorium that seated over eight hundred, built in
the 1930s and never replaced.
Ashford
North, on the far side of town, had been constructed in 1959, was brick and
white marble, one story with tinted windows, and it looked like a factory.
From
the sidewalk Don climbed three steps to a wide concrete plaza that led to a
dozen more low steps and the glass front doors. Paths were worn brown over the
grass to the side entrances, and there were faces in the classroom windows
watching the students hurrying, dawdling, daring the first bell to ring before
they stepped inside.
He
didn't wait, though a few called his name; he pushed straight in and swerved
left to the banks of multicolored lockers at the end of the hall. A fumbling
with the combination lock, and he grabbed the books he needed for his first
three classes. A few rushing by greeted him with yells, but he only waved
without turning; he was tired, and he didn't want to talk to anyone until, if
he were lucky, he finally woke up.
He
didn't.
He
almost fell asleep in trig, actually dozed for a couple of minutes in
English,
and in German sat with his fingers pulling on either side of his eyes to keep
them from closing. None of the teachers noticed. None of his classmates did
either.
Just
before ten-thirty he passed the glass-walled front office and saw his father
standing at the chest-high reception counter with Mr.
Falcone.
They were speaking softly, heatedly from the way his father slapped a newspaper
against his thigh and the way he swiped the side of his hawk's nose as if he
were boxer; and as he moved on with a worried frown, the biology teacher
stormed out of the glass-walled room and nearly collided with him. There was no
apology; the man marched on, and
Don's
throat went dry. The voice of the corridor buzzed until he had a headache, and
he stumbled back to his locker, took out his biology notebook and text, and
floated into study hall, where he tried to concentrate on the lessons.
His
mother didn't care about his father anymore.
He
flipped open the book and toyed with the transparencies that displayed in
garish color the inner workings of a frog.
His
father didn't care about his mother. Once, last night while the room was dark
and they had started arguing again after Joyce had returned, he thought he
heard Mr. Falcone's name.
The
quick breakfast he had made for himself suddenly curdled and threatened to
climb into his throat, making him swallow four times before he knew he wouldn't
throw up. Without realizing it, then, he moaned his relief, and only a muffled
giggling behind him gave warning that Mr. Hedley was coming down the aisle.
"Mr.
Boyd?"
He
looked up into a pair of horn-rimmed glasses. "Yes?"
"Are
you having a little do-it-yourself choir practice back here, Mr.
Boyd?"
The
giggling again, and outright laughter from Tar and Fleet on the other side of
the large room.
His
face grew warm. "No, sir."
'
'Then may I suggest you remain a bit more silent so that the rest of us can get
on with our work?"
"Yes
sir, I'm sorry."
"Thank
you, Mr. Boyd." Hedley turned, Don's stomach churned again, and he
inadvertently managed to make his acidic belch sound like another groan. Hedley
reversed himself slowly. A small man, nearly as wide as he was tall, with a
dark plastered fringe of red hair and a thick twitching mustache. "Mr.
Boyd, perhaps you didn't hear me."
He
felt perspiration gathering coldly under his arms. They were all watching him
now, waiting for him to brave it out the way Tar would, or
Brian.
But he could only blink and gesture helplessly at his abdomen, pantomiming an
upset stomach because the acid was climbing again and he felt his cheeks begin
to burn.
Hedley
clasped his tiny hands behind his back and rocked on his heels.
"Mr.
Boyd, this, as you may have learned from your study of American history, is a
democratic society. There is no privilege here. None. You will therefore remain
silent, or you will remain for detention."
He
nodded glumly.
The
giggling stopped immediately as the man headed back for his desk.
Privilege,
he thought bitterly; the sonofabitch. Why couldn't he have gone to Ashford
North the way his mother wanted him to? Nobody cared if your mother taught art.
Even
if your mother didn't care for your father.
He
clamped a hand over his mouth and tried to resume studying, but the words
blurred and the pictures swam like muddied fingerprints, and when he was out in
the hall again, the mobs pushed and jostled him like a twig in the current. He
didn't care. He would do well on the test because he enjoyed biology and what
it taught him about animals, like in zoology in the afternoon, right after phys
ed. But he couldn't take the pushing, and he didn't want the shoving, and he
almost panicked when he felt his breakfast moving again. With a lurch he
stumbled into the nearest boy's room, found an empty stall, and sat with his
head cradled in his palms. Belching. Tasting sour milk. Spitting dryly and
wishing he would either throw up and be done with it, or calm down and get on
with it.
The
bell rang.
He
jumped, dropped his books, scooped them up, and ran down the hall.
Mr.
Falcone was just closing the door.
"Ah,
Donald," he said, "I'm glad you could make it."
He
managed a pained smile and headed for his seat, as in all his other classes as
far toward the back as his teachers would permit. Then he dropped his books on
the floor and waited as
Falcone
passed out the test sheet while giving instructions. The young instructor, he
saw, was in a casual mood today--no jacket or tie, just sleek pants, with an
open shirt under a light sweater. His hair was barely combed, the tight curls
damp as if he'd just taken a shower. Face and body of a Mediterranean cast that
many of the girls lusted for and some of the boys coveted.
Finally
he reached Don's seat, held out the paper, and wouldn't release it when Don
took hold. Instead, he continued to talk, letting the class know this was
probably the most important test of the semester, since it was going to be
worth a full third of their final grade; failing this would make the exam in
January much too important.
Then
he let go, and smiled.
"Do
you understand, Mr. Boyd?"
He
did, but he didn't know why he'd been singled out.
Falcone
leaned over, pushed the test to the center of the desk, and added quietly,
"You'd better be perfect today, Boyd. You're going to need it."
It
was a full minute before he was able to focus on the questions.
Falcone
was in front, leaning against the blackboard rail, arms folded at his chest,
eyes half-closed. The clock over the door jumped once.
Fleet
was staring intently at his wrist, Tar was scribbling, Brian was staring out
the window at the football field. Don blinked and rubbed his eyes. He couldn't
believe what he had heard, and refused to believe it was some kind of threat.
He couldn't fail. He knew the work, and he knew the teacher. He checked the
first question, answered it almost blindly, answered all the others just as the
bell rang.
It
couldn't have been a threat.
The
paper went onto a pile on the desk, the books tumbled into his locker, and he
grabbed his brown paper lunch bag and left the building by one of the rear exits.
Despite the morning frost the sun was warm, and he crossed a broad concrete
walk that ended at a six-foot wall in which there were regularly spaced gaps.
He
picked one, passed through, and was on the top row of the stadium's seats, the
field below, the much lower wooden visitors' bleachers across the way. The
seats were nothing more than steprows of concrete, and it occurred to him
suddenly that half the school and its grounds seemed made of the stuff, maybe
once white and clean, now grey and brown with use and the pummeling of the
weather.
The
ham sandwich he had made for himself tasted lousy.
It
couldn't have been a threat.
"If
you kill yourself, they'll never get the blood up."
He
jumped and dropped the sandwich, recovered it gracelessly, and squinted up.
"It
seeps in, you know? Right into the cement. They'll be scrubbing it for days and
they'll hate your guts. It's a rotten way to get sympathy, take my word for
it."
He
smiled and moved over.
Tracey
Quintero sat beside him and shook her head. "Are you really that
depressed?"
She
was dark from hair to skin, her oversize sweater more dazzlingly white as a
result, and her pleated skirt somewhat out of style. Her features were more
angles than curves, and he thought her nice but not all that pretty, except
when she smiled and showed all those teeth.
Spanish;
and he wondered at times what she would look like in those tight colorful
dresses the flamenco dancers wore.
"I
guess."
"Biology
that bad?" She had Falcone after lunch, but she wasn't fishing for
answers.
"Yeah.
No. I guess not."
"How'd
you do?"
"Okay,
I guess." He bit into the sandwich and tasted grit from its fall.
"Harder
than usual."
She
nodded, unconcerned, leaning forward to rest her arms on her legs, and they
watched two gym classes make an attempt to run around the seven-lane
red-stained cinder track that outlined the football field.
Laughter
drifted toward them, a sharp whistle, and a sudden scent of lilac that confused
him for a moment until he turned and sniffed, and knew it was her.
She
pointed down to a lanky redhead sweeping effortlessly around the far turn.
"Is that why they call him Fleet? Because he's so fast?"
Making
polite conversation, that's what they call it, he thought; boy, I even have to
be made conversation to today.
"Yeah,"
he said.
"He
should be on track, then, not football," she said with a slight lisp in
her voice.
"Football
scholarships are bigger money."
"Whoa,"
she said, staring at him intently. "My goodness, but that sounded
bitter.''
He
shrugged. "It's the truth. Fleet needs the scholarship to go to school,
and he'll get it with football. He's the best wide receiver in the
county."
"I
thought Tar was."
A
crumb of bread stuck to his lips, and he sought it with a finger, stared at it,
ate it. "Tar's a running back." He frowned. "You know
that."
She
leaned back, her books huddling against her formless chest. "I
forgot." A glance behind him, up at the school. "Hey, Don?"
"Huh?"
"Do
you know what your father's going to do about the strike?"
He
watched Fleet, who waved and blew Tracey a kiss. "I don't know. I'm not
his political advisor."
Tracey
ignored the sarcasm. "I hope he does something. God, I mean, we're
seniors! If our grades are screwed up because of a strike . . . god!" She
traced circles on the back of one of her books. "My father will shoot them
all, you know. He will."
Her
father was a policeman. Don believed he would do it.
"I
don't know what's gonna happen, honest."
"Oh.
Okay." A check of her watch. "Bell's gonna ring soon."
"You
know what I wish?" he said, suddenly not wanting her to leave. "I
wish I had the nerve to cut classes just once before I graduate. Just
once."
"Your
father would kill you," she said quickly.
"No
kidding." His grin was mischievous. "But it would be a lotta fun, I
bet." She studied his face, his eyes, and finally gave him a broad smile.
"You haven't got the nerve. I know you better than that."
"Right,"
he said, mischief gone. "I'm too predictable."
"Reliable,"
she corrected. "You're reliable, that's what you are."
The
gym classes began filing off the field, Fleet trailing with an arm around a
pony tailed girl.
"Wonderful.
They can put that on my tombstone. I'll sound like somebody's grandfather's old
watch."
Her
expression soured. "Hey, you are in a mood, aren't you. Jeez."
When
she stood, he rose with her, dropped his lunch bag, and had to lunge after it
to keep the breeze from taking it down the steps. Then he stumbled after her,
catching up barely in time to open the heavy glass-and-metal door. She gave him
a wink and a mock curtsy and slipped in, and they stood at the landing just as
the bell rang. There were footsteps on the iron-tipped stairs, thunder in the
halls.
"You
want to go to a movie or something tomorrow night?"
She
seemed as surprised to hear the question as he was astonished he had asked it.
Christ, he thought, Brian's gonna kill me.
The
stairs filled and they were separated, but before she was gone she mouthed an
/'// call you tonight, which was sort of an answer and no answer at all. God,
he thought as he headed down for the gym, you are an idiot, Boyd. Boy, are you
an idiot.
When
he reached the locker room and started changing, Fleet was still there and Tar
was just coming in, running a monster comb through incredibly black hair. The
gossip dealt primarily with the game with
North
over Ashford Day weekend, the Howler, and the strike that was going to set them
all free until long after Christmas.
"Hey,
Donny," Tar yelled as he laced up his sneakers, "you tell your old
man to stop farting around, huh? I need that vacation now!"
"Aw,
shit," said Fleet, racing by naked, his towel over his shoulder,
"he
don't care about us poor peons, Tar baby. Don't you know he's his daddy's spy
in the ranks? Secret Agent Man of the senior class."
Though
Tar was only teasing, Don's face tightened. He stood and made his way along the
crowded aisle. A handful of the guys tried to kid him about his father and the
strike, but he shook them off angrily. He was sick of hearing about it, sick of
being labeled a spy--from some of them, seriously-- sick of being called Donny
Duck, sick of being treated special when they pretended he wasn't.
He
stepped out onto the gym's polished floor, hands on his hips.
Brian
shouted, "Hey Duck, duck!" and a basketball hit him square on the
nose.
Tillages
floating through a red-tinted haze: a bobcat lurking high in the trees, fangs
gleaming, snarls like thunder, claws like steel blades hunting for someone's
throat; a leopard stalking through the high grass of the broiling summer veldt,
closing in on its kill, shoulder muscles and haunches rippling with tension; a
hawk snatching a rabbit from the ground; a black horse causing the ground to
tremble as it charged down the road, fire from its nostrils scorching the earth
black.
Images
that made his fists clench, his nails create craters in his palms, his chest
rise and fall in barely contained rage.
Images:
the basketball in slow motion smashing into his face, his knees buckling, tears
leaping from his eyes, blood spotting the gym floor; the roar of surprise, the
sudden silence, the laughter. Laughter until the gym teacher saw the blood,
laughter in the hall as they half-carried him to the first floor, a grin from
Falcone as he stood outside his door flirting with Chris.
Only
the nurse didn't laugh.
Images:
the basketball, the leopard, the gym, the hawk, the corridor, the stairs, the
horse waiting in shadow.
He
swallowed a moan, rolled his head to the other side, and lay on the nurse's
hard cot for fifteen minutes more before he couldn't stand it any longer. His
nostrils were plugged with cotton, and a throbbing tenderness spread across his
right cheek. When he sat up at last and looked into the mirror over the basin,
he saw the beginnings of a beautifully grotesque black eye.
"Hell,"
he said.
Grabbing
a paper towel from the wall dispenser, he cleaned the dried blood off his face
and combed his hair with his fingers. The nurse was gone. He looked back,
peered closer, and gingerly plucked the cotton out. A sniff, and he tasted
blood; another sniff and a daubing with a wet towel, and he waited with held
breath until he was positive he wouldn't start bleeding again. Then he found a
permission slip on the desk, filled it out, and signed it himself. A check on
the clock told him he'd still be able to make the last class, zoology, on the
third floor. The corridor was empty and he hurried without running, slipped
into the stairwell and took the steps two at a time, head down, breathing
heavily through his mouth.
Someone,
more than one, came down from above.
He
ignored them, averted his head so they wouldn't see the ignominious damage, and
only whispered a curse when they bumped hard into his arm, spinning him around
and shoving something into his hand. He yelled a protest and grabbed for the
iron banister, and managed to end up sitting on the top step. Dizziness made
him nauseated, and he clenched his teeth until it passed. Another minute to
regain his composure and he hauled himself up; as he reached for the door, Mr.
Hedley bulled through.
"So!"
the teacher said angrily.
He
frowned. "Sir?"
Hedley
held out a palm, waited, then grabbed his arm and pulled him into the hall,
took something from his hand, and held it accusingly in his face.
"You've
never seen this before, right, Boyd?"
It
was an unstoppered vial, and as the heavy set man waved it in his face he
realized that part of his nausea came from the stench drifting out of its
mouth. He gagged and turned his head.
"Don't
like the tables turned, do you, boy?"
"I
... what?" He looked over the man's shoulder and saw a dozen students in
the hall. Some were leaning against the wall and talking softly, others had
handkerchiefs pressed over their noses. A few saw him and grinned; the rest saw
him and glared.
"It
was a stupid thing to do, Boyd."
"Do
what?" His nose hurt. He had a headache that reached to the back of his
neck. He pointed at the vial. "That? I didn't do that."
"Then
who did? The ghost of Samuel Ashford?"
His
head hurt; god, his head hurt.
"Well,
Boyd?"
He
tried to explain about his accident, about how he'd been running up the stairs
when someone--two or three of them, he didn't know for sure, he didn't
see--when someone ran past him and put that bottle in his hand.
Hedley
tilted his head back and cocked it to one side.
"But
I didn't do anything!"
"Mr.
Boyd, keep your voice down."
"But
I didn't do it!"
Hedley
grabbed his arm again, and Don shook him off.
"I
didn't do it, damnit," he said sullenly.
Hedley
was about to reach again when a murmuring made him turn and see
Norman
Boyd striding through his class. The principal paused to speak to several
students and send them on their way, presumably to the nurse, with a pat on the
shoulder. When he was close enough, Hedley explained over Don's silent protest
that someone had opened the lab door in the middle of a test and dumped a
bottle of hydrogen sulfide onto the floor.
"From
this," he said, displaying the vial with a dramatic flourish,
"which
I found in your son's possession, over there in the stairwell."
Boyd
cleared his throat and lifted an eyebrow.
Don
told him, words clipped, attitude defensive, and when he was done, he dared his
father with a look not to believe him.
Boyd
took the vial, sniffed, and grimaced. "My office."
"But
Dad--"
"Do
as you're told! Go down to my office."
Don
looked to the chemistry teacher, who was smiling smugly, looked to the kids
still in the hall, whispering and grinning. The odor of rotten eggs was making
him sick. Boyd stoppered the vial with his handkerchief and gave the order a
third time.
"Yeah,"
he muttered, turned, and walked away.
"Hey,
Don," someone called as he went through the door, "tell him the giant
crow did it!"
Norman
slouched in his chair, a hand on one cheek, one eye closed as if sighting an
invisible weapon. There was a stack of reports to be filed when he found the
time to read them, the in basket was crowded with letters to respond to, the
out basket held more files he hadn't bothered to look over, and in the middle
of the blotter was Adam Medley's vial with the handkerchief still dangling from
the top.
A
finger reached out to touch it, poke at it, shift it around, before the hand
drew back and covered his other cheek.
Norm
boy, he thought, for an intelligent man, you are one very stupid sonofabitch.
A
chill settled on the back of his neck and he shuddered violently to banish it,
and glanced up to see that the office was dark.
A
look behind and out the window, and he groaned; the sun had gone down, the
streetlamps were on, and the traffic on School Street was mainly people coming
home from shopping and work.
He
was virtually alone, then, in the building. Just him in his office, and the
custodial staff sweeping the hallways and auditorium, washing the blackboards,
and probably stealing him blind from the supply room in the basement.
"Stupid,"
he muttered, staring at the vial. "Stupid, and dumb, and you ought to be
shot."
Jesus,
how could he believe Don had really tossed that bottle into
Hedley's
room? How could he believe it? Or was he trying too hard to believe the boy was
really normal, doing normal things like any normal kid.
That
was the problem--thinking Don was special. He wasn't. He was perfectly,
sometimes unnervingly fine, with quirks like any other kid to set him apart.
And there was Norman Boyd, forgetting who they both were and playing King of
the Mountain, Lord of the Hill, laying down the law as if he were Moses.
As
if he were his own father.
For
the first time in ages he wished Joyce were here, to remind him that he wasn't
Wallace Boyd still working the mills, that Don wasn't Norman struggling out of
the gutter. He recalled with a silent groan the day
Joyce
had told him she was pregnant the first time. He had sworn on everything he
held dear that he would do better, that he would be there--a harbor for
childhood storms, a rock to hang on to when the winds grew too strong. A
father; nothing more, nothing less.
He
covered his face with his hands and took a deep breath.
It
was the pressure, that's what it was. After Sam had died, the pressure had
begun; he didn't know how, and he wasn't sure why, but it was there. Waiting
for him. Whisper ing to him that Donald had to be protected at all costs. And
when he recognized the futility of it, and the unreason, he hadn't realized how
far in the opposite direction he had gone with the boy's life.
It
was the pressure.
What
he needed was a respite. What he needed was for Falcone and his teachers to
cave in and stop the strike. Then they'd be off his back, and the board would
be off his back, and the press and the mayor and the whole damned world would
leave him alone to reacquaint himself with his son.
Twice
he had blown it--first, Don's announcement about being a veterinarian, and now
this afternoon.
Twice,
and suddenly he was very afraid.
His
wife was falling out of love with him. What would happen if his son did the
same?
.
. . and so the crow saw how bad the little boy was feeling, and he flew out of
the tree and into the night . . .
The
park was deserted. A breeze crept through the branches and shook loose a few
leaves, spiraling them down through the dark, through the falls of white light,
to the ground, to the paths, to the pond where they spun in lazy turns,
creating islands that floated just below the surface.
No
one walked.
The
traffic's noise was smothered.
.
. . and found the evil king alone in his bedroom, and he flew in through the
window, and before the evil king could wake up and defend himself, the giant
crow had plucked out both his eyes!
The
only concentrated light was set around the oval. A dim light, and there was no
warmth to it, no weight, as he sat on a bench and stared at the water, rolling
his shoulders to drive off the cold.
His
eyes were closed.
His
lips moved so slightly they might have been trembling.
And
then the giant crow flew through the castle until he found the evil king's
brother, who was just as evil and just as mean, and the giant crow tore out his
throat with one swipe of his giant talons.
The
houses that faced the park were hidden by the trees and the width of the land,
and the boulevard that ran past it on the south was too far away to matter. He
was alone; no one would bother him unless he stayed until dawn, and on a night
like this not even a tramp would try to make a bed on the redwood benches. He
was alone. His hands were clasped tightly between his knees, and his jacket was
too light for the sudden temperature drop, turning the air brittle and the
leaves to brown glass.
A
noise in his throat; his shoulders slumped a little more.
He
had waited nearly an hour in his father's office before the man finally walked
in. Don had jumped to his feet and was ordered down again. A fussing with
papers, instructions not to interrupt him, and he was lectured forever on the
image both of them had to project--to the faculty as well as to the student
body. Norman brandished the vial as if he were going to throw it. Don explained
for the second time how the kid--he was sure now it was Pratt--shoved the
bottle into his hand on the way down the stairs. His face hurt as he talked,
and he kept touching the side of his face to be sure it hadn't bloated. His
father saw the situation, sympathized for the injury, but refused the whole pardon
while relenting to the degree that he supposed Brian was capable of such a
trick.
"I
didn't say it was him." Don had retreated, suddenly fearful his father
would call the boy in and unknowingly start a war. "I just think it
was."
Norman
seemed doubting, and Don didn't understand. In all his life he'd never done
anything like that; he had been told often enough that he was neither to take
advantage of his position--whatever that was--nor pretend he was only one of
the boys. He wasn't. He was, by fate, special, with special problems to handle.
And Norman expected more of him than to have it end up like this.
"End
up like what?" He sprang to his feet and approached the desk. "Dad,
why don't you listen to me? I didn't do it!"
Norman
stared and said nothing.
"All
right, I left the nurse's office when I shouldn't have, I guess, and I wrote
out my own pass. All right, that's wrong. Okay. But I did not throw that crap
in Mr. Hedley's room!"
"Donald,"
his father said in perfect control, "I will not have you speak to me that
way, especially not in here."
"Oh,
Jesus." And he turned away.
"And
you will not swear at me. Ever."
Don
surrendered. Suspended between belief and suspicion, bullied off the subject by
time-worn and weary pronouncements, he surrendered, he didn't care, and he
didn't argue when he was given six days detention, beginning the next day.
"You
should count yourself lucky," Norman said as he escorted him out the door
just as the last bell rang. "Most other kids would have been
suspended."
"Then
suspend me!" he said, surprised to hear himself on the verge of begging.
"Please, suspend me."
"Don't
be smart, son, or I will." Don pulled away from the hand that guided him
around the counter, ignored the curious looks the five secretaries gave him.
"You don't get it," he said as he walked out the door. "You just
don't get it."
He
fetched his books and went home. His mother wouldn't be in for at least another
hour, and his father would stay at South until just before dinner. That gave
him time to unload his gear and change into his jeans, fix himself a peanut
butter sandwich and go for a walk.
Shortly
before dark he walked into the park.
.
. . and then the crow . . .
He
stopped, and cocked his head.
He
could not see far beyond the lights that ringed the oval, but he was positive
he had heard someone approaching out there. Listening, his hands gripping his
knees, he guessed it was his mother, come to take him home and scold him and
make him eat a bowl of soup or drink a cup of watery cocoa. And when the noise
didn't sound again, he convinced himself it wasn't really a footstep he had
heard.
He
heard it again.
To
his left, out there in the dark.
A
single sound, sharp on the pavement, like iron striking iron as gently as it
could.
Without
looking away he zipped his jacket closed and stood, slowly, sidling toward the
pond for an angle to let him see through the light.
Again.
Sharp. Iron striking iron.
Not
his mother at all; someone else.
"Hey,
Jeff, that you?" he called, jamming his hands into his pockets.
Iron
striking iron. Hollow.
"Jeff?"
The
breeze husked, scattering leaves at his feet and making him duck away with his
eyes tightly shut. The pond rippled, and a twig snapped, and something small
and light scurried up a trunk.
Swallowing,
and looking once toward the exit, he walked around the oval and a few steps up
the path. With the light now behind him his shadow crept ahead, reaching for
the next lamppost fifteen yards away. And between there and here he saw nothing
that could have made the sound that he'd heard. A frown, more at his own
nervousness than at the puzzle, and he walked on, cautiously, keeping to one
side and wincing each time his elbow brushed against a shrub.
Iron
striking iron, hollow, an echo.
He
started to call again, changed his mind, and made a clumsy about-face. Whatever
it was, it didn't want to be seen, and that was all right with him; more than
all right, it was perfect. He hurried, shoulders hunched, cheeks burning as the
wind worked earnestly to push him faster, the tips of his ears beginning to
sting. His own shoes were loud, slapping back from the trees, and his shadow
had grown faint, even under the lamps. He looked back only once, but all he
could see was the pond reflecting the globes, freezing them in ice, turning the
oval into a glaring white stage.
Iron.
Striking iron.
He
ran the last few yards, skidded onto the sidewalk and gaped at the traffic on
the boulevard. The air was warmer, and he took a deep breath as he chided
himself for being so foolish.
Then
he turned to check one last time.
And
heard iron striking iron, muffled and slow, and not once could he see what was
back there in the dark.
Tanker
cowered in the bushes, covering his face with his hands and praying that the
moon would keep.him hidden from whatever was walking out there in the dark.
At
first it had been perfect. He had been feeling the familiar pressure all day,
building in his chest and making it swell, building in his head and making it
ache. He had ignored it when it started, thinking it was because he was hungry
for people-food; so he had scrounged through some garbage cans, panhandled four
bucks in front of the movie theater on the main street and had filled himself
with hamburgers and dollar wine. But the pressure wouldn't go away,
and his hands shook with anticipation when he
could no longer deny it--it was going to be soon, no question about it. Maybe
tonight, and that kid was going to help him.
Slowly,
using every skill he had left and a few he hadn't learned from the babyfucks in
the army, he had made his way through the underbrush toward the oval once he
had heard the lone voice telling itself a story.
It
was too good to be true, but when he peered through the bushes, he almost
shouted. It was the punk from the other night, the one who had been dressed in
black and talked about a giant crow. And there he was, looking like he'd just
lost his best girl, and for god's sake, would you believe it, telling himself a
stupid story.
It
was perfect.
Then
the punk turned his head sharply, and Tanker had looked back into the park.
Iron
striking iron.
There
was absolutely no reason for it, but the sound terrified him, loosened his
bowels, poured acid into his stomach, and he couldn't help it--he whimpered
softly and covered his face with his hands. Listening.
Trying
to make himself invisible. Hearing the punk walk away and swearing in a cold
sweat that he couldn't follow and get him.
The
sound grew louder and Tanker dropped to the ground, shifted his hands to the
back of his head and waited, holding his breath, listening as whatever it was
moved in front of him, as if following the boy.
And
stopped.
The
breeze died; there was no traffic noise, no footsteps.
He
swallowed and turned his head to expose one eye. Through the shrubs he could
see pieces of the pavement, the dark on the other side, and nothing else. A
puzzled frown. His hands sliding off his hair to press on the grass and lift
him up. Slowly. Bloodshot yellowed eyes darting side to side, taking in as much
of the path as they could before his head rose over the top, before his knees
straightened, before his arms spread outward to balance for flight, to lunge
for a fight.
But
there was nothing there.
The
path was empty, the punk gone, and when he pushed through to the oval and
checked both directions, he realized he was alone.
Alone
with the pressure, and nobody to kill.
Then
he heard it again.
Iron
striking iron, muffled, slow cadence; and when he whirled around to meet it his
eyes opened, his mouth gaped, and he couldn't stop the denying shake of his
head.
He
was alone.
He
could hear something large moving toward him, but he was completely alone.
The
booze, he thought; it's the goddamned booze. He rushed back into the trees,
zigzagging to lose whatever was out there, then made his way to the westside
wall. His lungs were aching and his hands were trembling, and when he tried to
swallow, his throat felt coated with sharp pebbles.
He
listened, hard, and sagged with relief when he heard nothing but the wind.
Then
the pressure came again, in his head, in his chest. A deep solemn throbbing as
he looked up at the moon.
It
was time, then, no stalling, and he vaulted the wall nimbly, keeping to the
shadows as he hurried to his right. The houses facing the park were large and
lighted, but he couldn't hear a television, a radio, or any voices through open
windows.
All
he could hear was that noise from the park, and it goaded him to the corner,
where he slumped against a telephone pole and checked the street up and down,
panting slightly while his fingers flexed and his forehead creased.
Five
minutes later Tanker saw him.
He
was walking on the same side of the street, fingers snapping, hips and feet
moving. Tanker frowned, thinking the punk was drunk, until he saw the
earphones, and the radio clipped to his belt.
A
great way to die, he thought, grinning, and angled back around the wall's
corner. A great way to die--smiling, listening to your favorite music, a nip in
the air and on your way home.
He
chuckled, and it sounded like a growl.
He
followed the kid's progress carefully, poked his head out, and saw him tap the
top of the wall in time to his listening, once spinning around and snapping
those fingers high over his head.
When
he spun around a second time, Tanker was there, smiling. Taking the kid's
throat and pitching him effortlessly into the park. Before the kid landed,
Tanker was kneeling beside him.
Before
the song ended, Tanker was howling.
"Don
the Barbarian sees the slime-covered trolls at the end of the witch's
tunnel," he whispered as he moved slowly out of the kitchen, half in a
crouch, his left arm braced across his chest for a shield, his right extended
to hold his anxious pal, Crow. "The sexy maiden is chained to a burning
rock, and only Don has the strength to break the magic chains and save her from
a fate worse than death." He looked to his right. "Crow, what's a
fate worse than death?" His pal didn't answer, and when he tripped over
the fringed edge of the hall rug and slammed into the wall, the telephone rang.
"Got
it!" he shouted, wincing at the pain. His parents were in the back, in
what used to be his father's study and was now the television room.
There
was a championship fight on some cable channel, and he could hear his father
cursing while his mother told the underdog's manager what he could do with his
tighter and all his fighter's family.
Despite
the language it was a good sound, a normal sound that hadn't been heard in the
house for several weeks. They were laughing, cheering together, and it sounded
so right, he wished they would make up their minds how they felt about each
other.
On
the other hand, maybe they already had. Maybe they had made up and it was going
to be all right.
The
telephone rang again on the low table by the entrance to the living room. He
snatched up the handset, winked a good-bye at Crow, who was off to save the
maiden from whatever her fate, and leaned against the doorframe.
It
was Tracey. He had completely forgotten she had said she would call.
"Sorry
I'm late," she said, her voice muffled as though she were cupping her hand
around the mouthpiece.
"No
problem. I was out walking anyway."
"Oh,
yeah? Anybody I know?"
"Nope.
Just me." But he was pleased she had asked.
"Oh,
yourself, huh? Not much company, Boyd."
"I
wouldn't say that. If you must know, I happen to be very sophisticated when the
mood strikes me."
She
giggled, and he looked blindly toward the ceiling.
"How's
the eye?"
He
tested the side of his face. "Still there, I think."
"Bummer
about the detention."
Christ,
he thought, bad news travels fast.
"I
don't care," he said. "My grades haven't been all that good this
year. I could use the time to study."
"Senior
slump," she said. "You get complacent, y'know?"
Depressed
is what you get, he thought, but he only grunted.
"Well,
listen, Vet, about tomorrow night."
His
stomach filled with insects too crawly to be butterflies; he could hear it hi
her tone--she was going to say she already had a date with
Brian.
"Yeah?"
"I
can't make it."
He
decided to slit his throat; then he decided he was glad because now he wouldn't
have to face Brian. But first he would slit his throat.
"My
father's got the weekend off and we have to go see my grandmother on
Long
Island. We're gonna leave right after school, he says."
"Oh.
Well, okay."
"But
look, we can go next Friday, if that's okay with you. Next Friday would be
great. If you still want to, I mean."
He
didn't say anything. His throat healed, the ceiling abruptly came into focus,
and he could see her up there, floating, smiling, her dark hair hi a wisp over
her eyes.
"Vet,
you still there?" "Yeah, sure," he said, shaking himself.
"Okay."
Subdued now. "I thought you were mad about tomorrow. Or about me calling
you Vet."
"I
don't mind. Really." The cord had twisted itself around his wrist and he
couldn't get it off without taking away the earpiece and losing what she might
say. "Really, no kidding."
And
he didn't. She thought it was great that he was going to be so close to animals
for the rest of his life. The day he had let it slip, she had immediately
fantasized his working out in the country, traveling from village to village,
farm to farm, making sure all his charges were in perfect health.
She
had been serious.
Brian
and Tar thought it was too perfect to be true--Duck, off to treat the ducks.
For nearly a week afterward, every time they saw him they quacked and flapped
then- arms and told him they had hernias and had to swim standing up.
"So,"
she said, "I thought you told me mat bio test was a snap."
They
talked men the way they usually did, the preliminaries over aad his heart
slowly finding its way back into place. His mother walked by once with a
sandwich and a beer, looked a question, and he smiled and pointed at her.
A
girl? she asked silently.
He
nodded.
Chris
Snowden?
He
shook his head and mumbled a reply to something Tracey said.
His
mother shrugged--it doesn't matter, dear, as long as it's female and she
doesn't want to marry you before you go off to college--and moved on after
checking on the status of his black eye, hip-swinging through the living room
and back to the TV set. It was the long way around, and they both knew it.
"Don,
damnit, are you listening to me?"
"It
was my mother," he said in a near whisper, checking to be sure the coast
was clear. "Spying on me."
"Oh.
Well, my folks don't care as long as he wears pants, combs his hair, and is
rich. Dad figures I should be married a year after graduation."
"I
thought you were going to school."
"I
am. He just doesn't believe it yet. God, the man lives in the last century, I
swear."
"Boy,
tell me about it."
"Yeah,
for sure." She yelled something at her older sister, and he could hear her
mother fussing in the background. A deep voice chimed in--her father venturing
an opinion about the family going to hell.
"So,"
he said, "what were you saying?"
"The
walk. Where did you go?"
"Out.
The park."
"Wow!"
A pause, more whispering. "Wow, Don, don't you ever listen to the
news?" He looked back toward the kitchen, at his mother's radio on the
counter. "Nope. Don't have time."
"Well,
you better," she told him, her voice low. "Somebody was killed in
there tonight. A couple of hours ago. My father just came in and--" She
stopped. "Jesus, you were mere then!"
He
put a band to his cheek and scratched lightly. "I didn't see anything. I
didn't hear anything." The hand pressed a bit harder. "What
happened?"
"I
don't know. My father isn't talking. The radio said that this kid, from North,
he was walking home from work, and he got it. They said . .
.
they guessed it was the Howler. Gross."
"Yeah."
Iron
striking iron.
"Boy,
you could be a witness or something."
"But
I didn't see anything, Tracey! Jesus, don't tell your father."
"Okay,
okay." Her mother interrupted, and she snapped at her, groaning about how
great it must be to be an only child. "Hey, Vet? What's your favorite
animal?"
He
sniffed, combed his hair with one hand while he drew on his imagination to put
images in the air before him. "I never thought about it, you know that?
Gee, that's funny but I never thought about it." His bedroom came to mind
and he sorted through the posters and prints and figurines he had. "Horses,
I guess. I don't know. Leopards and panthers."
She
laughed, and someone in the background laughingly mocked her. "I didn't
know you rode."
"Panthers?
You don't ride panthers."
"No,
stupid, horses. I didn't know you rode horses."
"I
don't."
There
was a pause, and a man's voice began grumbling.
"Then
why horses?"
"I
don't know." He saw the poster, the horse, and shrugged to the empty
foyer. "They look ... I don't know, they look so big and powerful, y'know?
Like they could ran right over you and not even notice."
"A
horse?"
"Sure."
"But
they're stupid."
"I
guess."
mean, they're--" The man's voice was
louder, and she covered the mouthpiece. He tried to make out the words but all
he heard sounded like an argument. "Don, I have to go."
"Okay,
sure."
"See
you tomorrow?"
"Sure!
Sure. I'll--"
She
hung up and he stood in the middle of the floor and stared at the front door
until his father walked by on his way upstairs and reminded him gently that he
started detention the next day.
Don
nodded.
Norman,
halfway up the stairs, looked down and frowned, started to say something, and
changed his mind.
Don
didn't notice.
He
was looking at the door, at the black horse imposed on it, with
Tracey
Quintero riding on its back.
Five
minutes later Joyce pinched his rump as she walked by and he jumped, blushed at
her laugh, and nodded when she asked him to check the lights and lock up. As he
did, he thought about Tracey, and about the kid who had been killed. It could
be that what he had heard was the murderer himself, thinking there had been a
witness and coming to kill him. He felt cold, and he stayed to one side when he
drew the draperies and double-checked to make sure the bolts on the front and
back doors were turned over. Then he ran upstairs and into his room, considered
telling his parents, and changed his mind. Mom would only get excited and
demand they call the police; and Dad would tell them both there was nothing to
worry about, the boy is all right, and since he didn't actually see anything,
there was no sense their getting involved.
And
he would be right; there would be no sense at all.
A
wash, then, and a careful scrutiny to be sure his face hadn't broken out since
that morning and that his eye wasn't getting any worse. Then he closed his door
and sat cross legged on the bed. He was in nothing but his underwear, and he
looked around him--at the panther, the bobcat, the elephants, rejecting each
one silently until he came to the poster over the desk.
There,
he thought; there's what I need. "Hey, look," he said to the barely
visible horse, "I hope you don't mind if I don't give you a name.
I
mean, I suppose I could, but all the good ones are already taken, and half of
them sound like you're in the movies or something anyway.
Besides,"
he added with a look to the panther lying in the jungle over his bed, "I
don't want to make the other guys mad."
He
grinned, and rolled his eyes, muffling a laugh in a palm.
"But
you don't need one anyway, right? You're too tough for a stupid name. What you
want to know is, how come you and not the black cat over there, right? Well,
because you're big, and you're strong, and . . . just because. Besides, Tracey
likes horses, and you're a horse, and she'll like you, and if she likes you
she'll like me and then we'll all be pals, right? Right. And boy would you
scare the shit outta that kid with the dumbass hat."
He
grinned again and rocked back, struck his head against the wall and didn't feel
a thing.
He
didn't think his other pals would mind, bun singling out just one, just this
once. They would understand. They always had, and they would this time.
"So
listen up, old fella," he said, looking to the ceiling where Tracey
floated on a cloud, "you're gonna have to teach me a few things, y'know,
because I figure you've been around, if you know what I mean. Give me some
hints and stuff, okay? And if you take care of me, I'll take care of you.
That's what pals are for, right? Right."
And
he slipped off the bed, kissed the tips of his fingers, and placed his hand on
the horse's head.
"Pals,"
he said. "Pals."
"He's
talking to those animals again," Norm complained while Joyce was brushing
her teeth. She mumbled something, and he shook his head, pointing to his ear.
"I
said," she told him after spitting out the toothpaste, "kids talk to
themselves all the time. It's like thinking out loud. You should hear my
classroom sometimes."
"Yeah,
but you teach flakes."
"Budding
artists are flakes?"
"Look
in the mirror."
She
threw her hairbrush at him, launched herself after it, and they wrestled on the
bed until he had her pinned under him.
"Norm?"
she said, putting a hand on the hand that was covering her breast.
"What?"
The
willow at the corner of the house scratched lightly at the window, and he could
hear the cooing of the grey doves that nested in the eaves of the garage.
"It's
terrible, but did you ever wish we'd never had any kids? So when something like
this comes up, I mean, we could walk away without worrying about tender psyches
and trauma and warping the kid's mind? Did you ever think about that,
Norm?"
He
tried to see her face hi the dark. "Are we being honest?"
"Yes."
"Then
. . . yes. Yes, it has crossed my mind now and then." But he didn't tell
her about the guilt he felt when it did.
"That
doesn't mean we don't love him," she said anxiously, begging for belief.
"And god, I still miss my little Sam."
"I
know."
"But
it would be so much easier, you know what I mean?"
"Yeah."
The
alarm clock buzzed softly. The wind blew over the roof. They could hear,
faintly, two cars racing down the street.
"Don
was in the park tonight."
"So?"
"Didn't
you listen to the news after the fight?"
"Oh."
He shifted but didn't release her. "Yeah. I guess I'd better have a talk
with him. At least until they catch that guy-"
"Maybe
he saw something."
"No.
If he did, he would have told us." He kissed her right ear and made her
squirm.
"Norm?"
Wearily:
"Yes?"
"Don's
grades are going down. Not a lot, but it worries me. You should talk to him
about that too. He spends too much time fixing up those animals of his, and
making new ones."
"I
will," he promised. "Maybe we should tell him to get rid of the
beasts."
"That
would be cruel."
"He
wouldn't waste time on them." As she agreed, he nipped an earlobe.
"Norm?"
"Jesus,
now what?"
"I
want to work things out, really I do."
"Good,"
he said, rolling her breast beneath his palm.
"No,
I mean it, Norman. I really do want to work at it."
"So
do I," he said, almost believing. His head shifted to the hollow of her
shoulder. "So do I, love."
"Norm,
it's late," she whispered, her eyes half closed, "and you know how
tired you get lately after this. Besides, I have a committee meeting first
thing tomorrow. We have to decide on the fireworks."
"Good
for you. Make them loud as hell." "Norman!"
"Joyce,"
he said, "if you really want to work things out, you'd better shut
up."
Saturday
afternoon Don returned with his mother from a shopping expedition for new
clothes during which she cited dubious, sometimes outlandish statistics which
contrasted the annual before- and after-taxes incomes of veterinarians and
surgeons, suggesting jokingly that spending the day shoving your hand up
animals' rectums and down their throats was about as glamorous and
status-marking as his late grandfather's working for the cloth mills here in
town. Don laughed and almost told her what he was really planning.
When
they arrived home, he found his father in his room, looking at his pets.
"Aren't
you a little old for these?" Norm asked, and left without an answer.
In
the middle of the hall on Monday Don grabbed Jeffs arm and nearly spilled the
books he was carrying.
"Jeff,
you got a minute?"
"Hey,
it's the Detention Kid. What's up? The bell's gonna ring. Jesus, that eye looks
like hell!"
"Thanks
a lot, pal. It feels better, sort of. Look, I want to ask you about Tracey
Quintero."
"What's
to ask? You know her as well as I do."
"I
want to know if she's with Brian."
"Brian?
Brian the Prick Pratt? That Brian?"
"Stop
kidding, Jeff, I gotta know."
"Jesus,
where the hell've you been? And she isn't. Hey, you know that kid that got
offed in the park last week? It was the Howler, they said.
Chewed
the poor bastard up like he was dog meat or something. That guy's a real
pervert, you know it? Killed five kids in New York. Like us, I mean, not little
kids."
"Jeff,
I don't care about some freak, I am talking about Tracey."
"And
I told you she's not with Brian, okay?"
"But
the other night at the park, after the concert ..."
"You
mean all that talk about her boobs?"
"Well
. . ."
"Boyd,
are you really that dense?"
"I
don't know what you mean."
"Brian
sees boobs on anything that even faintly looks like a female. And if you listen
real close, you'd think he's laid every damn one of them.''
"Then
she isn't."
"His?
Hell, no."
"Jeez.
Oh ... jeez."
"You
gonna tell me what this is all about or am I gonna have to read it in the
paper?"
"Can't,
Jeff. The bell's rung. We're late."
That
afternoon Detective Sergeant Thomas Verona walked into Norm's office, Patrol
Sergeant Luis Quintero at his side. After a few minutes of small talk, Quintero
left to have a word with the secretaries in the outer office, and Verona asked
the principal if he had heard anything, rumors or otherwise, about a stranger
hanging around the school. Norm insisted he hadn't, but if the police wanted to
ask either students or teachers during school time, it would have to be cleared
with the board first. He himself didn't mind, though he didn't quite understand
why they were interested if the man was already gone. That, he said when the
policeman looked at him oddly, was the usual pattern as he understood it: the
Howler
would strike, then move on to another town. Verona, whose father had worked the
mills and had known Norman since they were kids, told him off the record that
if the guy had actually approached any of the students, or if he had gotten
wind of the Ashford Day activities, there was a fair chance he'd stick around
because there were going to be a lot of people on the streets starting the
middle of next week, and safety in numbers was apparently something he counted
on. When Norm asked why the man hadn't yet been caught, Verona, again off the
record, told him there wasn't a picture, not a fingerprint, nor a scrap of
cloth or drop of blood to build even the skimpiest physical profile. They
couldn't begin to guess at his appearance, though they didn't have to guess at
his strength. Norman didn't ask for more details, but he did promise to keep
his ears open and to have a quiet word with the faculty to the effect that it
would probably not be a good idea to keep kids very long after school for a
while. Verona appreciated the cooperation and suggested they stop being
strangers after so many years and have a beer together sometime soon. Verona's
wife was on the committee with Joyce, and the detective allowed as how he was
tired of being an Ashford Day widower.
Norman
laughed, but he didn't think it was very funny.
After
gym Don managed to get next to Fleet under the last nozzle, for the first time
forgetting his embarrassment at seeing another guy naked.
It
took him a moment, too, to stop staring at the clouds of freckles that covered
Fleet's body.
"Hey,
Fleet, is Trace . . . you know, is she Brian's girl?"
"Trace?
Gimme the soap, man, I smell like horseshit. Trace Quintero, the cop's
kid?"
"Yeah."
"Nah.
Last I heard she wasn't with nobody."
"No
kidding."
"Man,
will you look at that gorgeous eye! You put a steak or something on that, or
you'll go blind, sure as shit. Jesus, Brian can be ... never mind. Hey, you
interested in Trace?"
"I
don't know. Hey, Fleet, c'mon, that's my soap! Don't pass it around."
"Y'know,
you'd do better with somebody like Chrissy Snowden, man. Don't you dare tell
Amanda I said this, she'll cut my ass off, but that's one hell of a woman, if
you catch my drift."
"I
guess."
"You
guess? Jesus, Don, you mean you ain't once whacked off just thinking about that
fox?"
"I_"
"Donny,
you are truly hopeless. You are an excellent human being, but you are truly
hopeless."
"I
suppose."
"A
good thing you didn't meet up with that dude that stomped that kid.
You
probably would've asked him home for dinner. You're a good man, Don, but you
need a little spunk, you know what I mean? A little of the old intestinal
fortitude when it comes to dealing with the real world."
"I
do all right, and gimme back my soap, damnit."
"What
I think you'd best do is tell everyone you got that eye in a fight. You get a
little respect and you get all the women you need, if you know what I
mean."
"It's
a little late for that."
"It's
never too late to lie through your teeth, if you know what I mean."
"Yeah,
I know."
"Besides,
from what I hear, under all them sweaters Tracey's a carpenter's dream--flat as
a board."
Don
wasn't sure if it was a nightmare or a dream. He walked through the rest of the
week with a slight smile on his face, a good word for everyone including Brian
Pratt, and he didn't even blush when Chris came up to him in the hall and
touched a finger to his cheek, wincing at the purpled blotch around his eye and
hoping in a soft and high voice that he wasn't hurting too badly; when he
sputtered nonsense for an answer, she didn't laugh, she only smiled and winked as
she left. On the other hand, he didn't hear a thing any of his teachers said,
and twice he was reprimanded for daydreaming in class. Falcone's announcement
that the test papers wouldn't be ready until the following week didn't faze
him;
Hedley's
glare in the hall didn't register until an hour later; when his detention
supervisors snapped at him for staring, he didn't know what they were talking
about, and they told him he was rude and would let the front office know; and
when Tar Boston jammed his locker with a pen on
Thursday,
he only shrugged and walked away without his books.
It
wasn't right. He was acting like a fool, knew it, and couldn't do anything
about it. He was beginning to regret his rash invitation; yet between classes
he loitered near the doors as long as he dared, trying to get a glimpse of
Tracey, just nod to her casually, give her a knowing smile, and remind her with
a look of their date this week.
He
didn't see her.
By
Friday noon he hadn't seen her once close enough to give the signal and he
became convinced she was avoiding him, ashamed because she couldn't think of a
decent excuse to get out of their date. He knew, beyond question, there would
be a message for him when he got home--she had a headache, she had to do her
hair, she had to go back to her grandmother's on Long Island and they were
leaving again right after school. By the end of his last class he was ready to
believe that Brian had put her up to accepting, another classic gag on the
stupid Duck, and since he was who he was, it didn't make any difference if his
feelings were hurt.
As
he stowed his books in his locker, he almost cried; as he started for the side
exit and a run around the track, he almost screamed Tracey's name. But he
didn't. That was a rule too--it was all right for his mother to shout, to cry,
but it wasn't all right for him. Or his father.
Hold
it in and work it out, his father had told him; hold it in and work it out.
That's what a man does.
Hold
it in.
Work
it out.
And
it wasn't until he was halfway down the steps to the gym that he remembered
today was the last day of his detention.
The
hell with it; he wasn't going to go. There was no way he was going to sit one
more day in a stuffy room staring at the ceiling while his whole life was
slipping away between his fingers. He gripped the railing and continued down,
slower now, listening to his heels crack on the iron tips of the steps. No; he
had to run. He had to think. And to think, he had to run.
"Don?"
His
father was on the bottom landing with Gabby D'Amato, the head custodian. He
glanced at his watch, then raised an eyebrow over a faintly amused look.
"You
forget something?"
His
face grew hot, and he almost told his father to shove it, to take the detention
and cram it because it wasn't deserved and he didn't do it and who the hell was
he to play God with his life?
Why
the hell, he wanted to shout, didn't the old man get the hell off his back and
put the pressure on someone else for a change.
He
wanted to.
He
almost did.
Until
he thought about what it would be like when he got home, what his mother would
say, how his father would treat him.
Hold
it in; work it out.
Shit,
he thought; oh, shit.
So
he gave his father a sheepish smile and headed back to his locker to get
something to read. Below, he heard the two men talking, laughing quietly,
Norman's slap of the hunkered old man's shoulder. If the black horse were here,
he thought as he pushed into the hall, he'd smash them into the wall without a
second thought.
Dinner
was almost like the good old days. His father was in a great mood, his mother
chatted excitedly about the committee meeting at the high school that night,
and he managed not to tell them about what had happened after detention.
First
it had been Tar and Brian.
They
were on their way to practice and had wedged him into a corner, slapping his
shoulder and punching him lightly on the arm.
"Hey,
fucker," Tar said, his mood as black as his hair, "you trying to get
us in trouble?"
"What?"
Brian,
who thought that his rugged playing-field-bashed face and close-cropped blond
hair made him look like a marine, took hold of his belt and yanked him closer.
"Your daddy had a talk with us, sonny. He said we shouldn't do things like
stink up Hedley's room anymore."
Oh,
Christ, Don thought; oh, Christ.
"Now,
he didn't do nothing," Tar said, grinning to show Don a mouth filled with
nicotined teeth, "but he did say he'd keep an eye on us, didn't he,
Brian?"
"Damn
right."
"Now
look, guys," Don said, and gasped when a stiff finger jabbed into his
stomach.
"No,"
Brian said. "You look, Duck. You look good, because Tar baby and me, we
don't forget. And we sure as shit don't forgive."
They
grinned and stepped away, and as they moved toward the door, Brian looked over
his shoulder. "Watch your back, Duck. I'm gonna bust it, and
I
ain't telling you when."
After
they left, Falcone came up to him, frowning. "You having trouble with the
boys, Donald?"
"No,
sir."
"Oh,
good." And he handed him his test paper and said with a smile, "For
you, Boyd, just for you." A look at his grade and he groaned--passing, but
just barely.
The
red had come then.
The
familiar red that took him when he started to lose his temper (hold it in), the
red cloud that whirled around him and threatened to suck the ground from under
his feet and left only when he forced himself to remember the rule (work it
out). But this time it was hard. Hedley and
Mrs.
Klass had been lecturing him all week during detention on his responsibilities,
on his daydreaming, on the slip of his grades. And now this.
It
lasted only a moment, and when the red left, he was leaning against the wall,
trembling, and Falcone was gone.
Now
dinner was fun, and he didn't mention that test paper for fear he'd be grounded
for the rest of his life. Nor did he say anything about
Brian
and Tar. Norman would only tell him he'd simply handed them a friendly warning;
he wouldn't believe that one of these days Don was going to pay for his
father's big mouth.
He
showered after dessert, washed his hah-, and nearly cried when he couldn't
locate a clean pair of jeans right away. A quick whisper to the horse about the
girl he was seeing--
and a wish that he not make a complete fool of
himself--and he touched the animal's nose for luck. A shirt with a pullover
sweater, shoes generally worn on Sundays, and he was finally in the foyer
checking his wallet when his father came out of the kitchen munching on an apple.
"Out
with the boys, huh?" Norman said.
"No,"
his mother called gaily from the kitchen. "I think he has a date."
"He
does? No kidding."
"No,"
his mother said. "Really."
Don
felt as if he had been rendered invisible and shifted to recapture his father's
attention. "Yeah," he said, stepping back for approval.
"Going
to a movie. Maybe to Beacher's for something after. I don't know.
She
has to be back by midnight."
"Ah,
Cinderella," his mother said, laughing, and he wondered how her hearing
had gotten suddenly so acute.
"Who
is it?" Norman asked, his hand magically holding a ten-dollar bill when
Don turned back from the coat closet with his windbreaker in hand.
"An
advance on your allowance," he explained when Don hesitated. "Hell,
why not. Anyone I know?"
"Probably,"
he said, slipping on the coat and opening the door. "Tracey
Quintero."
"Quintero?"
Norman frowned for a moment. "Oh! Oh, yes, yes. Little
Italian
girl. In your class. A senior."
"Spanish,
Dad. She's Spanish. Her father's from Madrid. He's a cop."
"Oh.
Well."
"Remind
him about tonight, Norm," Joyce called over the rush of water from the
faucet.
Don
waited, smiling, while his father rolled his eyes to the ceiling.
"You
remember the meeting, right?"
"Right."
He grinned. "And I know--if I'm home before you are, the key's in the
garage if I've lost mine, and I'd better be home before you are or I'll be in
deep . . . trouble."
Norman
grinned and slapped his arm. "Just watch it, okay? Don't give your mother
hysterics by being too late."
Joyce
called out something else, but it was drowned in a louder roar from the garbage
disposal, and he nodded quickly to his father, was answered with a wink, and
left as fast as he dared. He knew that look on the man's face--it came when
Norman thought it was time to have a man-to-man talk, usually when one or the
other had only five minutes to get where they were going. And usually it was
aborted before the first sentence was done.
God,
that was close, he thought, shook himself dramatically and waved to his mother,
who was standing in the living room window drying her hands,
Norman
at her side. They always did that, waiting as if he were going off to war; and
if he didn't get back first, they would be there when he returned, slightly
drunk from the bourbons they'd had while watching TV.
Waiting
for their baby.
But
tonight, if he were lucky, they would have had a good meeting--teachers, public
officials, and the Ashford Day committee--and won't be stiff from a fight.
Can
it, he ordered then. This wasn't the time to be thinking about them when he had
himself to worry about--what to say, how to say it, how to impress Tracey
without tripping over his tongue. His usual dates weren't really dates at all
but a gathering of forces down at Beacher's Diner next to the theater. It might
have been a real diner once, but now it was more like a restaurant with a
counter hi front. Weeknights it closed at nine; weekends it catered to the
movie crowd and the teens, and more often than not six or seven of them would
troop into the theater together.
On
the other hand, when he was alone with a girl he was lucky if he could think of
a dozen coherent words to say
between the time he picked her up and the time
he brought her home.
He
checked his watch under a streetlight and broke into a lazy trot.
Tracey
lived seven blocks down and two over, and he didn't want to be late. He only
hoped that her father was on night shift this time; the man scared him to
death. He was short, built like a concrete barrel, and if he ever had a good
word to say about anyone under forty, Don had yet to hear it.
Please,
God, he pleaded as he turned into her block; please don't let
Sergeant
Quintero be there.
And
as he walked up to the door, he checked to be sure his fingernails were clean.
"I
swear to god," Brian said, his voice overriding the others sitting at the
counter with him. "I mean, they were out to here!" He stretched out
his arms, curved his hands back, and flexed his fingers. "To frigging
here, for god's sake."
There
were a few sniggers, some groans, and Joe Beacher hi his stained apron and
squashed chefs cap scowled until Pratt shrugged an apology for the language.
The
front section of the diner was a long counter with eighteen stools and five
jukebox terminals, and nine small tables arranged in front of the wall-long
window; there was only one waitress and Joe Beacher himself, who knew he
belonged in front, rough-dressed, and not in back wearing a suit. The decor was
Formica and aluminum, with a round faced clock on the wall beside the door,
above an array of posters announcing upcoming charitable events, rummage sales,
and the Ashford Little
Theater's
latest program. A wide passage straight from the entrance ran past the cash
register to the larger dining room in back, where the walls were paneled in
pine and had watercolor landscapes depicting each of the seasons. The tables
were larger, were wood, and the menus were tucked into red leather binders;
three waitresses here, and Joe's brother-in-law in a black suit that passed for
gentility and a bit of class. Just now the room was nearly filled as families
and high-spending seniors hurried to finish their meals in time for the
nine-fifteen show; and despite the Jekyll-and-Hyde appearance, the food was
about the best in town.
Don
stood just over the threshold, Tracey behind him, and he hesitated until she
poked his back. A quick smile and he stepped aside, let her pass, and followed
her to a small round table in the center of the diner's front window. When he
held the chair for her, there were whistles from the counter; when he sat,
Pratt cupped his hands around his mouth and made a loud farting noise.
Don
winced and there was laughter, and more when his cheeks flushed a faint pink.
"Damn,"
he muttered under his breath, and Tracey smiled at him, telling him silently to
ignore it as she handed him a plastic-coated single-page menu from behind the
napkin dispenser. He inhaled slowly and nodded, and scanned the offerings
though he knew mem by heart.
"Hey,
Don," said Tar Boston, spinning around on his stool, "a good flick or
what?"
He
didn't know, though he said it was all right, nothing great, lots of blood,
shooting, stuff like that. He didn't know because he had been too busy sneaking
sideways looks at Tracey, debating whether to try to hold her hand, or put his
arm around her shoulder, or even to steal a kiss.
He
had known her for years but had never been out with her alone; he had confided
in her as a friend ever since junior high, but when she slipped off her jacket
and he saw that she had, under all those clothes, an honest-to-god figure, he
didn't know what to do. This wasn't Tracey the friend any longer; this was
Tracey the woman, and suddenly he didn't know which rules to follow.
The
realization that things had changed without his knowing it made him miserable
throughout the film, seeing nothing, hearing little, though he could have told
anyone who asked exactly how many lines there were at the corner of her right
eye, how high the white collar of her shirt reached toward her ear, how the
intricate twirls and tucks of her hair related to each other as they brushed
back toward her nape.
Brian
hummed the school song mockingly, loudly, then leapt from his stool and
stretched as he announced it was time for the real men to head next door, to
see how Dirty Harry compared unfavorably with the Pratt.
Groans
again, and only Tar strutted with him to the door, their dates hustling out
behind them. Fleet and his girl, Amanda, stopped by the table and asked again
about the film.
"Boring,"
Tracey said. Then she winked at Amanda. "Unless you're into
Eastwood."
Amanda
clung to Fleet's arm and feigned a swoon, and was rewarded with a slap to her
rump for her troubles.
Don
laughed and relaxed a bit, and wondered aloud what the coach would think of his
three top players staying out so late the night before a game.
"The
man," Fleet said, "just doesn't realize that an athlete who is so
smooth and graceful like myself needs a bit of relaxation and stimulation
before the impending onslaught in the trenches." He grinned.
"How
'bout them words, huh? Mandy makes me do crossword puzzles in bed."
Amanda
slapped his back, hard, and a brief scowl crossed his face before he laughed
with the others and made his way to the door. As it hissed shut behind him, he
stuck his head back in and winked broadly at Don, circling thumb and forefinger
and making a fist with his free hand.
Don
grinned back, and sobered as soon as Robinson was gone. This was a disaster,
and for the first time in ages he wished the guys had stuck around. Even the
teasing he'd get would be better than sitting here like a dummy, playing with
the salt shaker, rearranging the silverware and paper placemat, finally folding
his hands on the table as if doing penance in the third grade.
"Are
you all right?" Tracey asked. "You've been awfully quiet since we
left the house."
He
ducked his head and shook it. "Fine. I'm okay, no problem."
"It
was a lousy movie."
"Yeah."
"My
father scared you, didn't he?"
He
looked up without raising his head and was pleasantly surprised to see the
distress in her eyes. He couldn't deny it, however; Luis
Quintero
had scared the shit out of him, standing there, in uniform, in the middle of
the living room and reading him, quietly, the that'smybabyanddon't-youforget-tt
riot act: do not mess with her, do not corrupt her, do not get her drunk, do
not bring her back a second late, do not show yourself in this house again if
you as much as breathe on a single hair of her head. Then he had shaken Don's
hand solemnly and walked out of the room, leaving him to wonder what the hell
had happened to make the man so unpleasant.
Tracey
told him it was the Howler. It had taken her an hour to convince him Don wasn't
the killer, that his father was the principal, for crying out loud, and that
she wasn't going to have to enter a convent just because she went out with a
boy.
"Does
. . . does he do that all the time?" he asked finally.
She
sighed, and nodded. "If he's home when I go out, yes. Mother just stands
there and holds her hands like she's going to cry any minute. If they had their
way, my Aunt Theresa would be my duenna, for heaven's sake."
He
didn't know whether to say he was sorry or not, but she saw the sympathy and
covered his hand with hers, squeezed it, and drew it back slowly.
"So,"
she said explosively, "what'll we talk about?"
He
didn't know, but they must have talked about some thing because the waitress
and the food came and went, and the next thing he knew he was standing in front
of her house, holding her hand and wishing she didn't have to visit her
grandmother again the next day. Then they could keep on walking, from one end
of town to the other, laughing at the displays in the shop windows, making
words from the three letters on the license plates they could catch, and
trading notes on teachers they had in common. He said nothing about the biology
grade. She mentioned the
Howler
only once, when they passed a corner bar and saw a pair of dingy men sitting
with their backs against its wall, brown bags in hand. One was snoring, the
other watching them intently, sneering as they walked by. They saw a third
derelict at the next corner, but he ignored them, being too busy scrubbing his
grizzled face dryly with his hands.
Tracey
had guessed that any one of them could be the kid killer, and he thought they
were too weak-looking; this guy, this nut, had to be massive to do what he did
to his victims.
"My
father," she said, "is shorter than you, and he can break the handle
of a shovel over his knee when he's mad enough."
That's
when she had taken his hand, and that's when the fun and the conversation had
stopped.
"Well,"
she said, looking at the small house separated from its neighbors by paved
alleyways leading to postage stamp backyards.
"Yeah."
She
stood in front of him and looked up. Shadows drifted over her face and made it
soft, smooth, and he couldn't help but touch a finger to her cheek.
God,
her skin was soft.
"Have
a good time tomorrow," was the only thing he could say.
She
pouted. "Yeah, great. I'd rather go to the game."
He
shrugged.
She
leaned closer, stared at him, then raised herself up and kissed him.
"See
you Monday."
She
was up the stairs and through the door before he could think to kiss her in
return, and he walked with his hands in his pockets and the tip of his tongue
flicking out to test each part of his lips, to taste her, to remember, and
finally to realize that she hadn't promised to call him, or perhaps see him on
Sunday.
See
you Monday was what she had said.
In
spite of the kiss the translation was easy: don't call me. I'll call you, and
don't hold your breath.
"Shit,"
he said. "Shit, boy, you sure screwed that up."
He
scored himself all the way home, not noticing until the door had closed hard
behind him that his parents were already there, sitting in the living room and
watching him.
"Hi,"
he said with a wave, and stopped before he ran up the stairs.
There
was something wrong. His mother wasn't looking at him, and his father was
drumming a tattoo on a knee. "What's up? Good meeting?"
"A
very good meeting," Norman said. "Until it was over and I had a word
with Mr. Falcone."
His
eyes closed slowly. A moment later they snapped open, and he pointed and said,
"Wait a minute," and was up the stairs and into his room before they
could stop him. He snatched up his notebook and pawed through it until he found
the test, ran down and stood in front of his father, pressing the page to his
chest to smooth out the wrinkles.
"Don--"
"Wait,"
he said, he held it out. "Just look at it, Dad. Just take a look."
"Donald,"
Joyce started, and stopped when he pleaded her patience with a glance.
Norman
looked up, looked at the paper and read through it, his lips moving slightly.
When he was finished, he passed it to Joyce, sighed, and sagged back in his
chair.
"Well?"
"Don
..." Norman closed one eye, pulled at his lower lip; he was hunting for
the right word. "It does seem a bit harsh, I have to be honest."
"Harsh?"
He sputtered, trying to control his voice before it broke into falsetto.
"Harsh? It's more than harsh, it's wrong, Dad! He took points off he never
would have for somebody else. He deliberately marked it earlier than the rest
of them, and he deliberately picked on me. He ... he said before the test that
I would need all the luck I could get. He said that, Dad, I swear to god."
Norman
dropped the paper into his lap and set a knuckle to his cheek, ran it down to
his jaw, and stared at the fireplace. "I can't believe that, Don."
"Dad--"
"Damnit,
you just listen to me, boy, and stop interrupting. For all the fighting that
man and I are doing now, he is still a professional and you'd better remember
it. I cannot believe he would deliberately single you out. It's too obvious,
don't you see that? Christ, all I'd have to do is compare this with another
paper from the same class and I'd see right away if he was picking on
you."
"But
he is! Wait until Monday, I can get a hundred--"
"No,"
Norman said forcefully, without raising his voice. "I won't. He's a damned
fine teacher, Don, and I won't insult him that way."
"You're
grounded," his mother said behind him.
He
whirled, unable to take it in, unable to speak.
"Donald,"
she said, near to tears, "if you're going to college, you simply cannot
afford to let your grades slip the way they have. This is the last straw.
Colleges look at things like that, they check to see if you let your grades go
down just because your school is almost over.
You're
obviously distracted from your work by ... a number of things.
S--Donald,
you're grounded until you can prove you're doing better."
Tears
brimmed into his eyes, and he felt as if he had stumbled into a dream, someone
else's dream, and he was lost and didn't know how to find his way out, back to
his own bed, his own family. There was a roaring in his ears, and a
constriction that prevented the air from passing his throat. He swallowed,
hoping to find his voice again, fighting not to break the rule in front of his
father; he looked to Norman, who was still staring at the hearth.
He
had a headache, and he knew his skull would split in half if he didn't leave
the room immediately.
He
reached out, and Norman handed the test back.
He
looked at his mother blankly, and turned.
There
was a hint of red floating in the foyer.
Behind
him they shifted uncomfortably; punishment meted and neither felt right though
they knew it was the right thing.
He
walked away. Slowly. So slowly a cramp began building in his left calf and he
had to grab the banister to keep from racing upstairs.
The
roaring increased, to a winter's storm trapped in a seashell.
The
red danced, and he told himself to remember the Rules.
Then
he opened his door, and nearly screamed.
The
shelves were empty except for his books, his desk was clean except for a pencil
neatly centered, and the posters and prints were gone from the walls.
He
was alone.
The
door closed behind him and he walked to the bed, sat on the edge, and stared at
nothing.
They
were gone, his friends gone, and he was alone.
The
red darkened, then faded.
"Donald,"
he whispered after five minutes had passed. "My name is
Donald,
goddamnit. Goddamned Sam is dead!"
defiance: it was terrifying.
And
the power implicit in it even more so because he knew it was there and didn't
know exactly what it would do or how he should use it. All he knew was he
couldn't stand it any longer in the prison cell of his room, couldn't stand the
stench of decay and betrayal that had filled the empty shelves and spilled into
his dreams. It had been an oasis once, a place where he could do his homework,
read his books, dream his future as he wanted it to be. Now it had been
devastated. Corrupted. His mother had walked in without his permission, and
without his permission had taken away everything that had been able to give him
some peace.
So
he had waited until they'd left the house in the middle of Sunday afternoon,
for still another meeting with still another committee determined to celebrate
the birthday of a two-bit town that didn't matter to anyone except the people
who wanted their pictures in the paper; they had left, not saying a word to him
because he was still in the ruins of his room, assuming he would be there when
they returned. He heard them at the front door, his mother laughing at his
father's good-natured grumbling about not being able to attend the game because
of the meeting, and how important it was that he at least show his face before
the final gun sounded. There was a response, Norman laughed loudly, and the
door had slammed shut.
And
in the abrupt silence he hadn't been able to stand it any longer. He grabbed
his jacket and left, cursing them, fighting so hard not to cry that he gave
himself the hiccoughs. A small and still reasonable part of him continued to
insist that they weren't being malicious, that they truly believed they had
done the right thing because they loved him and didn't want to see him hurt.
But what the hell did they know about hurt?
What
the hell did they know about what it was like to have to memorize all the rules
and do your damnedest to follow them, only to have someone sneak in behind your
back and change a word here and there, change a rule, change the way things
were supposed to be.
What
the goddamned hell did they know about how he felt inside?
I
was young once, though you probably don't believe it, his father had said on
more than one occasion; but if he did know, what did he think he was doing,
going along with Joyce, standing aside and letting her strip him of his pets,
of practically everything he owned, without even having the goddamned decency
to let him know before he walked into the room and saw it--the rape. What the
hell had he been thinking of, telling Brian and Tar about Don's thinking they
had been the ones who'd dumped the vial into that classroom? Jesus, didn't he
have eyes? Didn't he see what was going on?
He
may have been young once; he wasn't young anymore. He may think he remembers
what goes on in a kid's head, but all he knows is what he's read in those damned
books, what he hears in the office, what he's told by the Board of Education,
who are only a bunch of stupid men and women who think they remember what it
was like to be young and what it was like to be in school and what it was like
to have your parents rape you without laying a finger on your arm.
Just
like Norman and Joyce, they think they know kids, but they goddamned don't know
him.
And
the worst part, the absolute worst and most horrible part of it was, because he
didn't know what to do or how to teach them a lesson or show them he wasn't
their goddamned dead son or their puppet or their pet ... the worst part of it
was, he was frightened to death because he wanted to kill them.
He
walked aimlessly, first near the school, where he heard the crowd cheering and
the blaring discord of the band, then toward the center of town, not realizing
where he was heading until he passed Tracey's house and paused at the front
walk, staring at the closed curtains, the empty curb, sighing and moving on and
wondering if maybe he wasn't being too hard on himself, that she had after all
given him a kiss, and her reputation was that such kisses were not granted
lightly. Nevertheless, she hadn't encouraged him, nor had she been dragged
screaming into the house before she could tell him when they'd meet again.
What
he needed to do was think.
This
wasn't the place to do it, and the track was out until the game was over.
So
he moved on, shoulders slumped, feet barely lifting off the pavement, until he
reached Parkside Boulevard and walked west toward the far end of town, watching
pedestrians pass him without recognition, watching the traffic pass from one
invisible place to another. There were garish signs in most of the shops,
announcing sales in honor of the celebration beginning on Wednesday; there were
workmen on lampposts and telephone poles, clinging to ladders or safely
standing in the baskets of cherry pickers, hanging up large oval medallions
that featured the town's crest and the years of its incorporation; there were
double-parked vans making deliveries, and a fair number of men putting the
finishing touches on new paint jobs and storefront repairs, filling potholes on
the side streets and trimming dead matter from the trees at the curbs.
In
spite of his mood he was impressed by the effort, and within the hour his
depression had changed from black to grey. What happened to him when he got
home he would deal with later; right now he just wanted to find a place that
would make him forget. Even for an hour it would be nice to forget so he could
figure out what had gone so suddenly wrong.
By
four-thirty he was having a hamburger at Beacher's and not answering
Joe's
questions about why he wasn't at the game. When he heard the triumphant horns in
the street, he knew the game was over and the home team had won. Within
minutes, then, the place would be swarming and he would have to listen to the
stories, the laughter, see the girls and the players and suffer the replays of
the game. It took him only a moment to conclude this was not what he needed
while he thought things out. He slid off the stool without finishing his food,
dropped a bill beside the register, and walked outside, saw Brian's car aiming
for the curb and turned immediately to his left and bought a ticket to the
shoppers' special early show at the theater. It was the same film he'd seen
with
Tracey,
and he didn't see it again, sitting in the front row with his legs outstretched
and his hands clasped across his stomach and his eyes blank on the center of
the screen.
Until
the first gunshot made him blink and he saw a dark-suited man fall through a
window with blood on his face and fear in his eyes.
He
shifted uncomfortably, thinking of that morning when he had wanted his folks dead.
Thinking, too, of the power one had to have not just to kill another human
being, because anyone could do that if anyone had a mind to, but to cause the
terror that came just before it.
Another
man was slammed against a wall from a shotgun blast, and he marveled at the
effects they used to make it all seem so real and at the same time so
gigglingly funny.
He
closed his eyes.
He
pictured Joyce sprawled on the kitchen floor, blood seeping from a wound in her
back, her left hand gripping the table leg as though she were trying to pull
herself up.
It
frightened him even more to think: serves the bitch right.
When
the film was over, he walked to the park's boulevard entrance and leaned
against the wall. Hands in his pockets. Ga/e on the curb. A car passed and
honked, and he smiled quickly when Tar waved from the backseat of Chris Snow
den's convertible. She was driving, and they were heading toward New York, and
she gave him a big grin and a wave before a bus cut between them.
Football
players, he thought, have all the luck. Then he felt his legs tighten, and he
realized what he should be doing instead of feeling sorry for himself. The game
was long over. The stands were empty. And the sun wasn't quite ready yet to set
behind the town.
He
hurried, trotted, put on the brakes when he felt himself straining to break
into a full run; and ten minutes later, windbreaker on the ground and shirt
open to the waist, he was alone on the track.
There
wasn't anyone in the world who could keep up with him when his legs were moving
and his arms were pumping and his lungs were taking in that fresh cold air.
No
one.
His
sneakers crunched on the finely ground cinder, the wind pushed back his hair,
and there was a not unpleasant ache settling into his left side.
He
was alone on the track, and it was his world, no one else's.
His
world, where there were no ambushes, no snipers, no battles for his soul.
For
one brief moment he had wanted to kill his parents, and at that moment he had
forgotten the Rule: never take your anger out on someone else, not even your
enemies.
In
place of striking out in anger, giving vent to his temper, there were words.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
Christ,
how wrong that was. How pious, and how wrong!
Words
were how his folks did their fighting--hissing quietly, bitterly, venomously.
Using time-honed razors instead of clubs to bleed each other to death. He
hadn't seen that until recently, and yet one couldn't hit the other. It just
wasn't done.
Well,
maybe that was one of the Rules, he thought as he began his second quarter
mile, but it was a damned dumb one. Sometimes he knew, he simply knew how great
it would feel to land a punch on Brian Pratt's face.
The
trouble was, you had to know what to do if you were doing to get into a fight,
and he didn't. The second Saturday he had lived in
Ashford,
when he was nine, Brian had come over with a bunch of his friends. Don was in
the front yard playing soldier by himself, and Pratt jumped him. There was no
introduction, no posturing, no threats. Pratt jumped him, forced him onto the
ground, and punched his back solidly a dozen or so times. Then he got back onto
his bike, and rode off. Don cried because he hurt, and because he was confused,
but he hadn't gone to his father because he knew what he'd hear: you have to
stand up for yourself, son, you have to show them you're better than they are.
Sure.
But don't act like you're better because the new Rule was--you weren't. You
were the same as everyone else. You were the principal's kid, but you were the
same. Sure.
Goddamn
rules. They're never the same from one day to the next.
How
was he supposed to act when they kept changing the Rules?
His
legs were loose now, and his breathing regular. The air was no longer cool, the
track no longer too hard to run on. He stretched out, picking up speed, letting
his mind wander because that was the best way to keep the laps from beating you
in the end. Pay no attention to them and you've got it all firmly in the palm
of your hand.
The
sky turned darker, and a pale ghost of a moon settled over the town.
He
ran alone, alone in the stadium, thinking about Tracey, about Hedtey and
Falcone, Pratt and Tar Boston, and his parents. If life was like this forever,
he decided he would stay in school until he was an old man.
Into
his second mile, panting a bit, but his legs were holding up.
He
liked running.
He
liked the solitude, the way he was able to work out his problems just by
sending his brain out ahead of him. Some days he caught up, some days he
didn't, and some days it just didn't matter at all. But there was no one faster
than he, not when he was alone and the wind was blowing in his face and the stadium
was filled with cheering crowds that waved red handkerchiefs as he passed. He
saw the finish line and knew that given a little luck and one extra push, he
would break the world's record. In one more turn of the track he would become
the fastest man on earth.
The
crowd was on its feet.
He
felt himself breathing through his mouth and knew it was a bad sign, but there
was a reserve somewhere down in the middle of his chest, and he called on it
now. Grunting as he kicked his legs out for the bell lap. The crowd screaming,
horns blaring, television cameras tight on the grimace frozen to his face like
the scream of a clown.
Hedley
was standing in the middle of the track, twirling his mustache and combing his
red fringe, and Don ran right over him without breaking stride.
Pratt
and Boston were down in a two-point, ready to block him into the next town, and
he leapt, soared, came down lightly on the other side while they stood and
gaped and scratched their heads like monkeys.
Tracey
threw him a kiss.
Chrissy
tore off her clothes and wet her lips when he passed.
Mom
and Dad shook their heads and turned to help little Sam, who was having trouble
tying his shoelaces.
The
finish was ahead now, around that last turn.
The
crowd was in a frenzy, pressing against the police line that tried to keep them
back, though the cops were just as excited as the people they were holding.
He
could hear his heart, and it was doing fine; he could hear his feet in perfect
rhythm with the swing of his arms and the tilt of his head; he could hear his
name being called over and over again, like the beating of a drum, like the
slam of a fist hard against cement, like the march of an army across a treeless
plain.
He
ran harder, sobbing now because he knew he had to break the record so they
would know who they were dealing with here. So they would know he wasn't a
goddamned kid anymore.
He
ran harder and thrust out his chest, and broke through the ribbon just as
pandemonium broke loose and smothered him, washed him, rose in awe of him while
he staggered across the grass and dropped onto his back, arms outspread, legs
wide, eyes staring straight up at the goalpost's crossbar.
The
crowd left, the cameras, the police, the sighing women.
But
he wasn't alone.
The
field stretched ahead of him, longer now from down here, and at the far end, in
the ten-foot tunnel in the thick brick wall whose heavy wooden gates were still
open at both ends, he could see something standing there. Deep in the shadows.
Watching him. Waiting. Not moving a muscle.
There
was no light behind it though the streetlamps were on; it cast no shadow darker
than itself.
But
it was there. He could see it.
And
it was watching him. Waiting.
Not
making a sound.
He
blinked the sweat from his eyes, wiped his face with a forearm, and looked
again.
It
was gone.
The
stadium was empty, and he was lying on the grass.
He
puffed his cheeks and blew out, blinked again rapidly, and stared at the
tunnel. "Oxygen, kid," he told himself as he stumbled to his feet.
"You
need a little of the old O2, if you know what I mean."
His
jacket was gone.
He
looked down on the spot at the fifty-yard line where he had dropped it, stared
with a perplexed frown, and finally looked up to scan the field. Then he turned
and scanned the stands. It was gone. He knew he had left it right here; he
could feel it leaving his hands and could hear it striking the ground. And now
it was gone. He waited a moment for someone to start laughing, waited until he
was sure it was not a joke.
And
when he was sure, when he knew he wasn't even safe on his track anymore, he put
his hands into his pockets and started for home.
This,
Tracey thought, is the pits.
She
sat alone on a crumbling stoop in front of a crumbling brownstone, one of a
whole block that could just as easily have been in any of the city's boroughs.
The curbs were lined with cars, the pavement packed with children, and there
wasn't a single face she recognized, not a single voice she knew.
The
pits.
This
was supposed to be Long Island--trees and beaches and elegant houses and
developments, a place you visited to get away from it all.
But
even Ashford was better than this, for god's sake. At least it had the football
game she was supposed to be playing the flute for right now; it had her books
and her stuffed animals and the seclusion of her room; Ashford had Don Boyd'.
She
squirmed, thinking of the way she had kissed him before she'd known what she
was doing. He'd looked as if she'd punched him in the stomach; she felt as if
she'd been punched herself, and had run straight to her room without giving her
mother the usual minute-by-minute account of her time out of the house. She
must have been blushing, though, because her sisters began a teasing that
hadn't let up, not even on the trip over, until her father had finally laid
down the law--no talking, he was driving, he needed to concentrate on the
idiots who were on the road with him.
She
clasped her hands between her knees, watching a game of stick ball grow
dangerously close to a brawl, suddenly thinking of the Howler and what he could
do to these kids. A shudder. A swallow. A look over her shoulder to the windows
above, to the window where she saw her father's face looking down. She smiled
at him, waved, and sighed when he gestured her off the steps and into the
building.
Damn,
she thought. If he's such a macho cop, why the hell can't he get the old lady
to move? At least to a place that had trees instead of garbage cans.
Long
Island was the pits.
At
the doorway she stopped and turned, and a sour smile parted her lips.
Good-bye,
twentieth century, she said to the noisy street. I'm going in my time machine
now. Fasten your chastity belts, please, it's going to be a rough, boring ride.
The
house's original porch had been torn down long before Don and his family had
moved in, the previous owner claiming the wood had been rotted, and he didn't
want anyone hurt in case a board or the steps gave way. It had been replaced by
one that barely reached to either side of the door, and its roof was peaked,
the railing up the steps twisted black wrought iron. It was the only house on
the block with a porch like that, and Norman had once insisted he was going to
restore the old one; that was before Sam had died. Now he said nothing beyond a
grumbling that what was there did little to protect him from the rain or the
snow.
Don
sat on the top step. He had been inside only long enough to towel himself off and
fetch a sweater, had intended on going back to his room, when he saw that his
parents hadn't yet returned. They would never know he was gone. They would
assume they had been obeyed. He had actually sat down on the bed and stared at
the blank wall where the stallion had been; then he felt the weight of the
empty shelves, and the hollow sound his breathing made, and the chill that
seemed to drift from the white-painted walls. He looked into his parents' room,
into Sam's room, then opened the attic door and went up.
They
were there. Piled on cartons, helter-skelter on the dusty floor, dropped on a
trunk that belonged to his grandfather. He had swallowed, stood, and finally
picked up the poster and brought him back down. Taped him up over the desk and
stared at him, wondering.
He
saw little save the withdrawing of the light.
He
heard only the leaves, and the shadows, and the silence of the house rising
behind him.
An
automobile or two had sped past, but he paid them no heed; a flock of kids shrieked
through the twilight, but he didn't smile at their greetings; a red convertible
crawled down the street, radio on full, and it wasn't until he realized it had
pulled into a driveway a few houses down that he turned his head slowly, as if
it were too heavy to move.
The
driver's door slammed.
Chris.
He blinked. It was Chris Snowden, and she wasn't with Tar. She was still in her
dark cheerleader's sweater, still had on her saddle shoes, but her pleated
skirt had been replaced by a pair of faded-to-white jeans.
And
she wasn't going into her house; she was walking across the intervening yards
directly toward him.
He
cleared his throat and wondered what she had planned for him--a bit of teasing,
a little temptation, a breathless request for his zoology homework.
He
could wait; and he did, until she stopped at the foot of the stairs, leaned on
the railing and crossed one foot over the other, toe down.
"Hi!"
Her
pale hair was parted down the center and gathered in two braids that flopped
over her chest. Her face was flushed, her eyes wide and of a blue so dark they
seemed nearly black. Warily he smiled a greeting. He recalled her brief show of
solicitude when she'd seen the damage done to his eye, saw it again as she
examined his face closely, a half smile at her lips.
"Looks
better," she said.
"I
barely feel it," he admitted, unconsciously poking around the
discoloration. She turned to look at the empty street; he couldn't take his
eyes from her profile. "I, uh, saw you and Tar before. I figured you guys
were going to the city."
A
shrug, and a sideways look of disgust. "He got sick. Brian had some beer
in his car, and after the game they had a he-man chugging contest.
Tar
lost." She pointed down the street. "So did my car."
"Gross."
"The
creep wouldn't even help me clean it out. Last time I saw him he was falling
into the park." A grin--full of humor, touched with malice.
"If
there's a god, he'll end up in the pond."
He
chuckled and shook his head at the foolishness of kids, and did his best to not
to stare when she turned back to him and leaned forward on the railing, folding
her arms on it and putting her chin on a wrist.
This
wasn't happening, he knew; this was something his mind had dreamed up to punish
him for thinking he could somehow rule the world and make it fair again.
"Were
you at the game?"
"No.
I had ... other things to do."
An
eyebrow lifted. "We won."
"We
always win."
"Really?"
"Every year," he said, making it clear there was a book somewhere
filled with things he thought more important, or less boring.
"Especially
since Brian and Tar got on the team."
"Oh?"
Her eyes drifted closed. "You gonna be down at Beacher's later?"
"I
don't know. Maybe. It depends on my folks."
She
pushed abruptly upright and he almost gasped, thinking he had said something to
make her mad. The expression on her face was a dark one, the lines stabbing
from the corners of her eyes deeper and longer, giving her age, turned her soft
white-blonde hair into a hag's wig, her softly pointed chin into a boney
dagger. The transformation startled him, and he leaned away from it slightly,
could not meet her gaze.
Instead,
he turned to the right where he saw in dismay the station wagon approaching.
Aw
shit, he thought; not now!
"You're
in trouble, huh?" she said sympathetically.
He
couldn't help himself--he nodded.
"Shit.
So am I."
"Huh?
You?" "Oh sure," she said with venomous disgust, each word the
swing and crack of a bullwhip. "It happens all the time, I'm getting used
to it. They say get to know the kids, go to the parties, join the clubs. You're
gonna need it, Christine, on your college applications.
You're
gonna need all that stuff.'' She snorted and managed a patently false smile as
the station wagon pulled slowly into the drive. "Y'know,
Don,
no offense but there's a lot of scuz in your school."
"No
offense. There is."
The
smile, when she turned it on him, was genuine just long enough for him to
notice; then it faded as Norman and Joyce opened their doors and got out,
Norman pointing stiff armed to Don, then to the grocery bags in back.
"A
girl," she said quietly, "can't even get a decent lay around
here."
He
wanted to laugh, to grab her, to find someplace dark and deep where he could
hide and start this conversation over. He wanted to tell her he knew exactly
how she felt. What he did was stand meekly and murmur a good-bye when his
father gestured again for help with the bags. Chris touched his arm in
farewell, smiled again and introduced herself to the
Boyds
as she headed for home. Norman watched her; Don grabbed the two heaviest bags
and grunted back to the house where his mother had the door open and waiting.
In
the kitchen he lowered them onto the counter and backed into a corner while he
waited for the storm.
Norman
dropped his load solidly on the table, Joyce did the same, and they proceeded
to move awkwardly about the room, putting things in their places and not
looking at him save for a flat glance or two.
"I
thought you were to stay in the house," his father said.
"Chris
seems like a very nice girl," his mother said with an anxious smile.
"She
is," Don told her. Guess what, Ma, she wants to get laid and I'm still a
goddamn virgin.
"You're
grounded," Norman reminded him.
"Well,
maybe you should get to know her a little better, what do you think?"
Back
and forth. Figurines on a clock.
"I
guess, Mom. I don't know."
"Her
father is a surgeon, you know. He works in New York. A fairly important man
from all I hear."
"How
come he lives here then?" he said, flinching when Norman opened a cupboard
next to his head and gave him a look that demanded a response.
"I
don't know," Joyce said, frowning over a box of cake mix, weighing it in
her hand before putting it aside. "From what I'm told, he isn't lacking
for the old green. And it certainly isn't because this is the perfect suburb.
There is, I gather, something about the mother that--"
Norman
-slammed a can of soup on the table and faced his son. "I want to know
what you were doing outside, Donald, when you were specifically told not to
leave the house."
He
lowered his gaze to his shoetops and swallowed the burrs that climbed into his
throat. His left hand began thumping lightly against the wall.
There
was heat in his chest, and heat on his neck, and he could feel the seconds skip
by like rocks dropped into a puddle. Without seeing her he could sense his
mother shifting toward the doorway, fussing meaninglessly with something,
staying because she had to, wanting to leave because she knew what was coming.
That
was the Rule: the family never ran out on a discussion.
"I'm
grounded," he said. "That doesn't mean I can't sit on the dumb porch,
does it?"
"You
know damned well what it means," Norman said.
"No,"
Donald said, "I don't know damned well what it means because you never
told me before because I was never damned well grounded before."
Joyce
put a hand to her mouth; Norman took hold of the table's edge and for a moment
Don thought he was going to tip it over and come for his throat.
Don
looked past him to his mother. "Mom, why are my things in the attic?"
"Things?"
"From
my shelves. The animals. You took them away, remember? I'd like to know why
they're in the attic. Am I ever going to get them back?" "Go to your
room," Norman said before she could answer. "Go to your room and
don't come down until you have a civil tongue in your head."
"Sam,"
Joyce
said.
There
was no time then; no sound; no air.
Don
raised a fist, and Norman looked at his wife in shock and disgust.
"Oh,"
she whispered, and ran out of the room.
There
was red, briefly, before Don became aware of what he was thinking.
He
lowered the fist, forced the fingers to open, and headed for the staircase, his
father behind him. At the landing he looked down.
"What
if I'm not sorry?" he said flatly.
Norman
swallowed and came up a step.
He
knew it then--he knew as surely as he could see the red gathering in the
corners that if his father lifted his foot one more time, one more step, there
was going to be a fight. He was going to hit his father, or his father was
going to throw the first punch. He had seen it in the movies and thought it
stupid, that it never happened in real life. But he hadn't been able to feel it
until now, until he saw this stranger looking up at him, not even the courtesy
of hatred in his eyes, this stranger fighting with himself because all the
rules said you can't hit your son when he's almost eighteen.
"Do
as I tell you," Norman said tightly.
"I'll
go," he answered, not conceding a thing.
He
sat cross-legged on the bed, his back against the wall, his hands in his lap.
He
deliberately avoided looking at the shelves, the neat desktop, the window, the
floor.
He
looked at the stallion, forever charging through the forest, and he thought.
First
he thought about what it would be like to be an orphan and how he might
accomplish the fact without leaving school to take a job; He thought about
Tracey and why she hadn't said anything to him about going out again, or seeing
him at school, or even seeing him around; He thought about Brian and Tar and
the not-always-rotten Fleet, and why he had to be known as Donny Duck when he wasn't
the only Don in the school, when there were others who had worse and funnier
names, when there were others who were clearly meant to be the butt of stupid
jokes;
He
thought about Chris, thought about what she was like under that sweater, and
wondered how many there were who knew exactly what was there and why did she
have to talk to him and ruin everything about her;
He
thought about the Rules.
He
thought about how he could get all these people off his back before it broke in
half and he was left lying in bed, crippled and dying.
Finally
he thought about nothing.
At
midnight he stirred.
There
was nothing left in his mind he could cling to for more than a few seconds, but
he smiled when he felt a curious settling inside. He looked down at his chest
and was amazed to see how wet his clothes were; he touched his hair and it was
matted to his scalp; he touched the bed and it was unpleasantly damp. But he
didn't move because he still felt himself settling. It was the only way he
could describe it to himself--a mass of something light piled high on a plain
that had nothing but horizon, something that shifted and settled and eventually
became a small something else, a nugget, compact and incredibly hard.
He
reached without moving his arms, and he touched it, and it was hot, and it was
red, and it was perfectly fitted to the palm of his hand when he picked it up
and stared, and knew what it was.
There
was a moment as he watched it--all the rage, all the frustration--when fear
hovered over him, a storm cloud rumbling before the first clap of thunder. Yet
despite the heat, the red, the hardness it had, it was more than anything
something comforting, something familiar.
It
was his, and it was him.
A
smile, just barely.
He
shifted to the edge of the bed, let his feet touch the floor, let his hands
grip the mattress.
He
switched on the light over the headboard and turned away from the bulb until
his eyes adjusted. Eagerly he leaned forward, ready to explain to his friend
what he thought had just happened.
But
he couldn't.
He
could only open his mouth in a scream that was never more than silent.
The
poster was still there, taped over his desk.
The
forest, the road, the darkening sky.
The
poster was there.
But
someone had tried to destroy the black horse. It was streaked, barely visible,
as if a knife or a pen had attempted to scrape the picture off and leave only
the background.
y's dawn never showed the sun; there was rain
instead, a driving downpour that rilled the gutters swiftly and washed
driveways into black rivers. Leaves dropped sodden into the streets and onto
the pavement, the Ashford Day medallions on the boulevard lampposts were
twisted on their wires in the wind that followed. The park was deserted. A
handful of pedestrians ran from shop doorway to shop doorway, heading for the
bakeries and their hot cross buns, their dinner cakes and breakfast rolls. Cars
hissed. Buses sprayed the shoulders. Headlamps were weak in the not-quite
daylight.
And
when the downpour was over, the drizzle remained. Colder somehow, more touched
with gloom. It prevented the puddles from holding clear reflections, prevented
the windows from seeing clearly outside; the wind was gone, but collars were
kept up and umbrellas stayed unfurled, and when a church bell tolled on the far
side of town, it sounded like a buoy heralding the fog.
In
Don's room the light was grey but he didn't notice it at all. He sat against
the wall, on his bed, and stared at the poster, eyes puffed and bloodshot,
hands palsied at his sides. He wore only his shorts, and his chest barely
moved.
His
mother had checked on him shortly after breakfast, and he had stared at her
until she had backed out and closed the door.
His
father hadn't come to see him at all.
He
didn't mind.
He
was working on a new set of Rules.
The
telephone rang.
Tracey
bolted from the couch and raced for the kitchen, but by the time she got there
her mother had already answered. An aunt, by the sound of it, and she waited
until she knew it would be one of those long, Sunday conversations that mixed
with the aromas of Sunday dinner and the quiet of Sunday afternoons, when the
house was ordered peaceful, a flat from her father.
Later,
she thought; I'll call Don later.
Brian
was worried about the size of his neck. Several times before he left the house
he checked himself in the hall mirror to see if it was getting too bulky, too
thick. He didn't want to end up like Tar or
Fleet,
with necks sticking out to the ends of their shoulders, looking like goofballs
and sounding like they had cotton shoved halfway down their throats. He wanted
to look as normal as possible. A thick neck meant you were dim-witted and
stupid to those assholes out there, and he wasn't kidding himself--once his
professional career on the field was over he would have to make it in a real
job, and you don't get real jobs if you look stupid, or bloated, or like your
face had been stomped on by a herd of elephants.
Now
he adjusted the rearview mirror and pulled at the top of the sweater, just to
be sure nothing had changed in the past five minutes.
"Jesus
Christ!" Tar yelled, cringing back in his seat. "Will you for
Christ's
sake look where you're going?"
A
bus horn blared. Brian yanked the wheel hard to the right, back to the left,
and grinned as the car held on the rain-slick blacktop. "No sweat."
"No
sweat, fuck you, pal," Tar said. He wriggled lower until he could prop his
knees up on the dashboard, his head barely rising above the edge of the door.
"Chicken?"
Brian asked with a grin.
"Careful."
He
laughed, shook his head, and swerved off the boulevard onto a street that took
a sudden plunge down halfway along the block. They were headed for the flat
below the school, and after checking his neck once again,
Brian
glanced into the backseat to make sure they had everything.
"I
still think," Tar muttered, "we should've made Fleet come, y'know?
Hell,
it was practically his stupid idea in the first place."
Brian
shrugged. He didn't give a damn. Fleet Robinson had sort of dropped out anyway,
ever since he picked up Amanda Adler and got into her pants. Not, he thought
with a palm nibbing over his chest, that he wouldn't mind it either. She wasn't
all that bad, considering she didn't have much in the tits-and-ass department.
He guessed Fleet was into something different, like that ass-long ponytail of
hers. Maybe she whips him with it or something. He grinned. Maybe she does.
Tar
was right though. The creep oughta be here, with them, driving into a place
that looked like God forgot to clean up. The houses were ancient and falling
apart; mere was silt over everything now that it had rained, from the factories
whose smokestacks rose glumly above the trees. You could hardly tell it was the
same town, and he wondered why all the girls who came from down here had the
best bodies.
"Jesus,
what a dump," Tar said, his chin hard on his chest. His hair was short,
dark, cropped high over his ears; his face was pale in the late afternoon's dim
light. He sniffed, and fumbled in his shirt pocket for a cigarette, lit it, and
rolled the window down to let out the smoke.
Brian
hated smoke.
Another
right, and Brian slowed to not much faster than a brisk walk.
Since
they'd left the boulevard they hadn't seen a single car or a single person.
Early dinner for the rubes, he thought. He snapped his fingers, and Tar groaned
as he unfolded himself, reached into the backseat and pulled the two plastic
garbage bags to the front. He stuffed them carefully into the well between his
legs, and rolled the window down a bit more. Despite the ties that held the
bags closed, he could still smell the crap, and he wiped his hands on his
jeans.
"Beautiful,"
Brian said.
"Fleet
oughta be here."
"Jesus,
will you give it a rest, Boston? He ain't, and that's that, and besides, he'll
regret it when he sees the look on the Tube's face tomorrow morning."
Tar
considered it and decided Brian was right. As usual. Even when he was wrong.
A
left, a right, and Brian pulled to the curb on a deserted street, the homes
here in considerably better shape than the ones they had passed.
They
were still old, and still looked as if their owners made less than a buck an
hour, but the tiny lawns were well kept, the houses clean and painted, and no
rusted hulks cluttered the road.
Water
dipped from the leaves onto the roof, loudly.
Brian
rubbed his hands together and leaned over the steering wheel to peer through
the windshield. "There," he said, pointing. "The green one, two
in from the corner."
Tar
followed the finger's direction and nodded. Then he checked the neighborhood
again. "What the hell is he doing living down here, man?
The
way he talks you think he lived in fucking Scarsdale or something."
He
peered at the nearest house. "Maybe we got the wrong address."
"No,"
Brian
said, though he'd been thinking the same thing. "He probably lives in the
same house he was born in. Too fucking lazy to move out."
"Maybe
he's got a secret lab in the cellar, where he experiments on women."
"The
Tube? You gotta be kidding. If you were a girl, would you want that thing on
top of you?"
Tar
shuddered, and laughed, and took a deep breath. "Y'know, our ass is doomed
if we get caught."
"Shut
up, Boston, okay? We're not getting caught, and besides, we voted the fucker
deserved it, right?"
Tar
didn't need to think about that one. "Right. But I still don't get why we
don't just bash the Duck's face in. That black eye of his would be the best
thing left on his body."
"Because,"
Brian said, wondering why Tar had to think so much all the time.
"Because
why?" "Jesus, are you stupid or what?"
"I
ain't stupid. I just think--" "Look," Brian said, his hands
kneading the wheel, "we bash up the Duck and everyone knows who did it,
right?
His
old man comes down on us like we were killers or something, and we won't see
graduation from the ass end of a warden. But we do this, Tar baby, and the Duck
gets creamed. His old man creams him, Hedley creams him, and maybe even if we
get lucky the frigging cops cream him too. So what the hell's the bitch?"
Tar
didn't know. He supposed it made sense. "All right," he said.
"But if we sit here much longer, someone's gonna call the cops on us, not
the
Duck."
Brian
grunted his agreement and checked the green house again. "Okay.
We'll
go around the corner. I'll keep the engine running, and for
Christ's
sake, don't forget the other thing, all right?"
As
Brian pulled away from the curb, Tar scrubbed a fist over a nose that been
broken three times since he was a freshman. "I could use some help.
That's
why Fleet was supposed to be here, in case you didn't know."
"I
know, I know, okay?"
"So
help."
"So
you run faster than me, okay?"
"Not
that much faster," Tar muttered as they rounded the corner and parked on
the left, facing traffic.
There
was no time for further argument. As soon as the car stopped, he was out with
the bags and running hunched over back to the green house.
He
sprinted up the walk, turned once in a circle, and heaved them both against the
front door. He was already back on the pavement when they hit, when they burst
open, when they spilled dogshit and rotten eggs and vinegar onto the porch.
There was a low hedge in front of the property, and just as he veered onto the
sidewalk he dropped Eton Boyd's windbreaker onto it, dragging a sleeve until he
was sure it had caught.
Then
he was back in the car, Brain pulling away before the door shut. He didn't
drive so fast as to leave rubber, but fast enough to have them out of sight by
the time Adam Hedley responded to the thumps upstairs and left his basement,
his plaid robe tied tightly around him, his nose already wrinkling in disgust
before he took hold of the knob and pulled the door to him.
Brian
didn't laugh as he headed back up the hill. He just looked at Tar with a grin
that never reached his eyes.
"Mission,"
he said, "accomplished."
Something
moved in the rain.
It
passed across streets without making a sound; it passed under streetlamps
without leaving a shadow; it walked through a puddle and the water remained
still; it brushed by a hedge and the branches didn't move.
A
dog on the porch next to Adam Hedley's home began yapping, pulling at the leash
that held it to the door, howling once, snarling, then cowering with a whimper
against the welcome mat when it moved up the walk and fixed the terrier with a
stare, turned around, and moved away; and the dog began trembling, snapping at
its legs, growling at its tail, urinating on the mat and foaming slightly at
the mouth.
Something
moved in the rain, without making a sound.
The
room was large and perfect. The furniture was new enough to keep its shine and
already old enough to be comfortable when used: the bed was canopied just the
way Chris liked it, the desk and chair were straight from Regent Street in
London, the soft rainbow rug from India, the loveseat under the window from a
little shop in SoHo she had discovered two years ago. The walls were papered in
white and flocked gold, the ceiling freshly plastered, the alabaster lamps with
just the right touch of frills but not so feminine that it looked like a room
belonging to a girl who wanted only a husband and two kids to complete her
life. In the far corner was an upright piano, sheet music piled on the bench
and ready to fall.
Next
to the desk was an open door leading into her private bathroom. It had been one
of the requirements for her agreeing to leave
Manhattan--that
she have as much a private environment as possible to keep the rest of the
house out of her affairs, if not out of her life; had she thought it possible
she would have lobbied for a private entrance as well, but that would have been
pushing it. Her father, indulgent to the point of easy manipulation, would have
balked, no question about it, and might possibly have sent her to that damned
fancy school in Vermont where all she'd have to look at were other girls, some
trees, and herds of stupid cows.
Her
mother didn't care one way or the other; she spent most of her time writing
ten-page letters to her two older children in Yale and Vassar, and flying down
to Florida to visit her own mother.
It
was, then, as perfect as she could have it, and whatever complaints she had she
kept to herself.
She
brushed her hair at the bathroom mirror, turning side to side, scowling at the
thought of having to wash it again. She hated it--the washing, the drying, the
constant brushing to keep it gleaming. She wished she could cut it off and dye
her scalp blue like the Picts did for the Romans. But if she cut it off, she
would look like a freak, and looking like a freak was not part of the plan.
The
bath towel began slipping off her chest and she grabbed for it with an oath,
held it while she flicked off the lights and walked into the dark bedroom. A
reach for the wall switch was pulled back. Not yet, she thought. She wanted to
stay in the dark a while longer, listening to the rain run down her window,
listening to the blessed silence that meant she was alone. A sigh, contented,
and she padded across the warm rug to the cushioned window seat, sat, and
pulled her legs up so she could hug them and look out. There wasn't all that
much to see, not while it was raining, not after sunset, but the lights in the
houses beyond the yard were still visible, and growing brighter as the leaves
were pounded from their branches.
The
towel slipped a bit more; she didn't touch it.
She
put a palm against a pane and shivered at the cold, pressed her head beside it,
and tried to see the Boyds' backyard. It was too far away and blocked by too
many trees, but she saw it, and she saw Don, and she saw his father.
She
wondered if either of them would understand what she was doing, if
Don
would be very hurt if he knew he was included. Norman, she thought, wouldn't be
any trouble. Certainly not from the way he looked at her yesterday when she was
walking away from his son, or the way he smiled at her whenever she could think
of an excuse to talk to him in his office.
He
wasn't stupid. She damned well knew he knew the plan. He understood why she was
going to stay in this damned dirty town until she graduated from its mediocre
high school with the highest grades she could get, no matter how she got them;
he sure as hell understood that a flower in a drab garden was brighter than a
flower among her sisters, especially when the flower had the pick of the men
who tended that garden--in a place like this, she was a goddamned champion
orchid.
Her
mother had chosen to be a shadow, and she had paid; her friends were too busy
turning every job and love offer into political statements.
Chris,
on the other hand, knew she was in a war, and only assholes and bitches didn't
use their best weapons.
Norman
understood, she could see it in his eyes; Don would, eventually, but not
before. Not before she was ready.
A
shadow down in the yard.
She
peered, wiped the pane, and peered again.
And
sighed.
It
wasn't Don, and Norman wasn't that stupid.
It
was a cat, and she grinned at it while she stretched and purred and thought
about how the next phase should open.
Something
moved in the rain, and Sergeant Quintero in his patrol car heard it in an
alley. He was waiting for Verona to get out of the John in the bar, declining
to go in himself and wait because he knew he would see women there. On Sunday.
Even on Sunday there would be a woman on a stool, having a drink, talking with
the barkeep, waiting for her date to show up and take her home. It made him
sick, and he refused to go in when Tom had decided he'd had enough of the car's
useless shocks. Jarred his kidneys, he said as he slid out and walked away;
Quintero only grunted, and rolled down the window to breathe the fresh air.
And
heard it in the alley.
He
stared for a moment, figuring it was a rummy looking for a place to sleep,
looked at the rain, and decided to leave the bum alone.
Then
he heard it again, moving away, slowly.
It
sounded like someone thumping soft dirt with a shovel.
He
glanced at the bar's closed door, then shrugged and pulled his jacket collar up
over his neck. He climbed out and touched a hand to his left side to be sure
the gun was there, then scowled at the drizzle and moved to the mouth of the
alley.
It
was dark.
At
the back, he knew from rousting Saturday night drunks, was a broken-down wooden
fence that led to a backyard. A kid could squeeze through; a grown man would
have to swear and climb over.
Wood
splintered then, echoing like gunshots, and reflex had him running, revolver in
hand, eyes squinting through the mist. But despite the faint light from the
street behind and the homes ahead, he could see nothing, not even when he
reached the fence and saw the gaping hole.
A
tank, he thought; someone's driven a tank through it.
He
searched for a culprit, in the alley and the adjoining backyard, and decided it
was a drunk in a stumbling hurry to get home.
Another
five minutes before he holstered his weapon and headed back toward the car.
And
behind him, softly, something moved in the rain.
"It's
like going to the same funeral twice a month," Tracey said to Jeff as they
walked down the stadium steps to have lunch. "She lives in this really
creepy apartment, a fourth-floor walkup in the middle of a block that looks
like it's been bombed. My father's been trying to get her to move out since
Grandfather died two years ago, but she says all her friends are still there
and she just won't budge."
Jeff
pushed a forefinger against his glasses to shove them back along his nose, and
grinned as they sat, opening their lunch bags and taking out the food. They had
bought cartons of milk in the cafeteria, and oranges for dessert, and when they
didn't see Don there, they thought he might be outside. Sunday's rain was gone
though the clouds had stayed behind, and the temperature had risen as if the
sun were shining.
He
sighed as he scanned the seats, still dark with moisture. "Don't see
him."
"Well,
he was in math."
"Did
he say anything?"
She
shook her head, and a wide fall of hair slipped from behind her ear to cover
her eye. "He looked like hell though. He looked like he hadn't slept all
weekend."
They
ate in silence, not close enough to touch, but close enough to sense they were
alone out here.
"Trace?"
She
looked at him absently, and wondered why he didn't have a girlfriend. He wasn't
bad-looking in spite of the thick glasses, he kept his outdated long hair
gleaming like a girl's, and when he wanted to be, he was pretty funny in a
sarcastic sort of way. She supposed it was because he was third string on the
football team, which didn't make him anywhere near a hero, and something less
than the fans who crowded the stands at home games. A bad spot, she imagined,
and a little silly too.
"Hey,"
he said, rapping knuckles on her forehead. "Hey, are you in there?"
She
laughed. "Yeah."
"Thinking
about Don?"
She
shrugged; not a lie, not the truth.
"You
going to the concert Wednesday if it doesn't rain?"
"I
think so."
"He
ask you yet?"
That's
what her mother had asked her that morning, and yesterday night, and yesterday
afternoon. But she wouldn't let Tracey call him. It was not the way, she was
told sternly; the proper way is for the boy to call first. Only, Maria Quintero
didn't know Donald Boyd. Tracey knew he had enjoyed their date as much as she
had, and she knew, too, she should have said something to him when he had
walked her home. But then there had been the kiss, and the running away.
And
as soon as she had realized her mistake, up there in her room, she'd started
out again, to stop him from leaving, and her father had walked in from the
kitchen. He had been dressed in street clothes, explaining quickly he was
working double shifts from now on with Detective Verona, hoping to keep the
Howler from striking again in this town.
He
hadn't permitted her to leave.
She'd
protested tearfully and was promptly ordered straight to her room; it was late,
the boy was already gone, and there was the visit to abuela
Quintero
the following day.
What
could she do? The last time she had defied him openly he had taken the strap to
her and confined her upstairs for an entire weekend. Her mother, bless her, had
snuck food up, and comfort, but could do nothing to gain her release. Luis
Quintero had made up his mind.
"He
hasn't said boo to me all day," she told Jeff sadly. "I don't know if
he's mad or what."
Jeff
grinned. "I think he's scared."
"Scared?
Of what?"
He
pointed at her.
"You're
crazy."
Jeff
debated only a minute before telling her about Don's asking practically the
whole school about her relationship with Brian Pratt.
When
she protested that there was none, never had been, and as long as there was a
breath in her body never would be, Jeff assured her that that's what everyone
had told him.
"He
was a total loon, you should have seen him." He chuckled, and drained the
rest of his milk in a gulp. "Put that on top of the detention he had and
he was a Space Cadet the whole day." His head shook in amazement. "I
never saw him like that before. Never."
"Really?"
She didn't bother to feign indifference. Jeff knew her too well. "Then I
don't get it." "What's to get? I told you--he's scared
shitless."
"Oh
great."
"Hey,
don't sweat it, Trace. By the end of the day, if you wink at him or something,
he'll carry your books home in one arm and you in the other.''
She
laughed, and felt a blush working on her cheeks. A swallow to get rid of it, a
touch to her hair to hide it, and she jumped when the late bell sounded over
the seats. Two minutes later she was in the hallway, on her way to Hedley's
lab, when she saw Don slumped against the wall outside his history class. She
slowed, hoping he'd turn and see her, slowed even more, and finally walked
right up to him and jabbed him in the arm. Startled, he pushed away and backed
off a pace, his eyes wide, almost panicked, until he recognized her face.
"Hi!"
she said brightly.
"Hi,"
he replied, not meeting her gaze.
"You're,
uh, late for class."
"Yeah.
You too."
"You
going home right after school?"
He
lifted a hand. "I ... I think I'm going to run a little."
A
man's voice called her name, and Don turned away, heading for the staircase.
"I'll
see you," she called softly, and kicked herself when she saw the faces of
the class as she rushed to her seat. They knew. She must have it written all
over her, from her forehead to her knees. They whispered, someone giggled, and
she felt the blush rise again; she cursed then for a full three minutes before
the pressure left her chest and her cheeks felt cool again.
The
class was endless. And her last class made her feel as if it were
Friday
and not Monday, and she was almost to the exit with her books cradled against
her sweater when she stopped, turned, and collided with
Chris
Snowden.
Chris
smiled and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Take it easy," she said
quietly, her head inclined for privacy. "I saw him heading down for the
gym."
Tracey
could only mutter her thanks and rush off, tears of embarrassment filling her
eyes. My god, it was that obvious. And if Chris, who didn't know if she were
alive or dead, if Chris could see it, then the whole school knew it. And if the
whole school knew it, then her freshman sister would too. Oh, god. Dinner
tonight was going to be hell.
At
the ground floor she was tempted to forget it and go home. This was ridiculous.
She had never in her life chased a boy before; it was humiliating, and she had
seen the blank look in his eyes when she caught him outside class--there was
neither delight nor fear nor even a polite smile. There was nothing. She might
as well have been a tree, or one of the wall tiles.
She
stepped out of the stairwell and into the corridor. It was deserted, the lights
already dim and made dimmer by the lack of windows, the drab paint, and the
absence of doors. The gym and the stadium exits were on the other side. He said
he was going to run, Chris's comment confirmed it, so she walked slowly toward
the doors that seemed a hundred miles away. Somewhere, a group of boys laughed
raucously, probably the football team getting ready for practice. A
,fj
higher voice trilled, choked, blew into laughter; the girl's basketball team
heading for the small gym opposite the main one.
And
her footsteps on the hard floor, as if there were taps on her heels.
She
hurried, feeling nervous, her shoulders lifting a little, her chin bringing her
face down.
And
behind her, when she slowed again to be sure this was really what she wanted,
something followed.
Uneven
steps, sounding hollow, sounding loud.
She
glanced over her shoulder and saw nothing, looked back and moved on.
A
boy, maybe one of the coaches, Gabby D'Amato dragging one of his brooms.
The
idea that the grizzly custodian might be following her gave her the shivers and
she moved faster. She didn't like the old man; none of the girls did. They
suspected he spent more time in their locker room than that of the boys, and
they knew damned well he spent hours every day standing in the girls' gym
doorway, watching them in their shorts and
T-shirts,
intently.
Behind
her. The footsteps.
She
was thirty feet from the exit, and there was no other sound on the floor but
her shoes, and her breathing, and the slow trailing footsteps that were hollow,
and loud, and moving closer all the time.
Don't
look, she told herself; just get to the door and get outside, and get hold of
Don and shake an invitation out of him even if you have to chop him in the
throat.
Steadily,
moving closer--the deep hollow sound of slapping against wood.
Don't
look, idiot; and she turned around at the corner.
The
corridor was empty.
But
she could still hear the footsteps.
And
she could see a huge shadow spilling across the far wall.
It
wasn't a man; she was sure it wasn't a man, because if it was, he was
stumbling, drunkenly careening off the tiles, off the lockers. But there was no
sound of anything like a shoulder striking metal, no sound of panting, no sound
at all but the steady wooden thump of something moving down there.
Something
much larger than a boy, or a man.
She
blinked once, the books crushing her breasts, her mouth and throat dry, her
lips quivering for a scream.
Then
it started around the corner and she did scream, and spun through the door and
raced up the steps, shouldering open the upper exit and running for the seats.
She was halfway down to the field when she realized the stadium was empty. Don
wasn't there. No one was. She was alone.
The
school loomed above her, and she hurried down to the track.
What
was it?
She
didn't know. And she wasn't going to be dumb enough to stick around just to
satisfy her curiosity. It might have been a trick of the light, and it might
have been her nerves gearing up to face Don, but whatever had started around
that corner wasn't human; it couldn't be, unless, she thought so suddenly she
stopped, it was the Howler looking for someone to kill.
She
ran, then, and didn't stop until she reached home.
The
office door was closed, the secretaries dismissed early, and Norman stood at
his window, frowning when he saw the Quintero girl race across the street as if
a rapist were after her. He leaned forward to see if there was, in fact, anyone
following, saw no one and grunted, and sat back at his desk.
"It's"
a bitch," he said, pulling his tie loose and unbuttoning his collar.
Harry
Falcone was in the leather chair opposite, his legs crossed, his sport jacket
open. "You can say that again."
"Okay.
It's a bitch."
They
grinned, but not for long.
Norman
picked up a pencil, turned it, tapped it on the blotter. "You can't do it,
you know. You'll have every paper on your ass, and the board will just tighten
theirs, and the parents of the seniors will be out for your heads."
Falcone
made a noise that might have been a grant, or a groan, and leaned back until he
was staring at the ceiling. "What choice do we have, Norman?"
"Accept
the offer that's on the table, for one."
Falcone
laughed sharply.
"Then
what about binding arbitration?"
Another
laugh; this one bitter.
"Well,
then, what, for god's sake?" "Walk," Falcone said without
looking at him. "We're going to walk. If the vote's right tonight, we'll
walk on
Wednesday
after the last bell unless someone hands us a contract we can live with and
live on."
"Insane."
"That,"
said Falcone, finally sitting up, "is your opinion."
Norman
swiveled around quickly, looked out at the lawn, and ordered himself to relax.
"Do
you have a statement you want me to read to the faculty tonight?"
"Read
the last one," he said sourly. "I've got nothing else to say."
"Christ,
Norm, you're an ass, you know that? You're a real jackass. You could be setting
yourself up for life, you could be a hero and every teacher in this school
would kill for you, but instead you're insisting on cutting your own
throat." You son of a bitch, he thought; you smug little son of a bitch.
He
swung the chair back around, dropped the pencil, and leaned his forearms on the
desk. Falcone was smiling.
He
picked up Don's test paper.
The
teacher's smile didn't waver.
"I
know what you're doing," Norm said evenly. "And it isn't going to
work. God knows, you're not going to get to me through Joyce, and you're not
going to get to me through Donald either. It isn't going to work, so lay off,
Falcone. Lay the fuck off my son." "Oh, my," the man said,
rising, smoothing his lapels as he headed for the door. "Is that a threat,
Mr. Principal?"
Norman
considered a mild retraction, a half-hearted apology. He knew what the man
would do if he didn't--a statement to the faculty about the principal's
accusation, perhaps a judicious leak to the press. Norman becomes the instant
villain, the board's henchman in the streets. Norman is losing his cool because
he's lost control of his school, and would you want a man like that running
this city?
"Harry,"
he said, slamming the paper to the blotter, his fist planted atop it, "let
me put it to you this way--I'll kick your balls into your fucking mouth if you
pull this stunt again. Trust me, Harry. I'll ream your fucking ass."
Falcone
hesitated before he crossed the threshold, turned only slightly and stared back,
not frowning. "I concede you the kid," he said, just barely loud
enough to hear. "But I'll be damned, Mr. Boyd, if I know why you're
dragging your lovely wife into this."
The
door closed.
Norm
was on his feet, ready to charge, when a restraining hand gripped his shoulder
and pulled him back. There was no one there, but he felt it just the same, and
began trembling when he realized how close he had come to throttling the man.
He bit down on his lower lip, to feel the pain, to shock himself back, and when
he did he muttered, "It isn't fair. It just is not fair."
Then
he cleared his throat loudly, and decided he wasn't going to bring any work
home, the hell with the reports. He smiled, stood, and plucked his coat from
the small closet on the far side of the room. Habit took him out the private
door directly into the corridor, where he turned right and headed for the main
entrance. And when he pushed out onto the concrete plaza and saw Gabby taking
the flag down from the pole, he paused for a moment as if part of a ceremony,
gave the custodian a two-fingered salute, and started walking.
Adam
Hedley's car sped past.
Norman
watched it, praying the chemistry teacher wouldn't spot him, stop, and demand
to know if anything had been done about the windbreaker found caught on his
hedge yesterday. The jacket Don had claimed he'd lost two days ago.
"I
have not called the police," Hedley had told him piously that morning. '
'The school certainly has enough trouble these days with that maniac on the
loose. Not to mention the horrid scandal it would cause at the celebrations
this week."
"I
appreciate that, Adam," he'd replied, too stunned by the evidence in hand
to say anything more.
"I'm
sure you do." Hedley had shaken his hand then, and had held it just a
second too long. "I only want your assurance that you will take care of
this, Norman. It wouldn't do to have it get out. It would be rather disastrous,
wouldn't you think?"
Norman
had agreed mutely. He knew exactly what the man meant, what
Falcone
could do with something like this--that the principal couldn't even manage his
own son, and the teachers were expected to manage an entire school of kids like
him.
He
knew. And he still refused to believe, despite the jacket, that Don had done
such a stupid thing.
But
there was the vial in his top drawer, and the coat, and there was
Don's
recent, increasingly odd behavior.
Maybe,
he thought, I'll have a word with him tonight.
And
maybe not. Maybe tomorrow.
He
thought: rope--give him enough rope and he'll hang himself and I won't have to
be the accuser.
"Jesus,"
he muttered, "you're a bastard, Boyd."
But
he didn't change his mind.
When
he reached his corner, he paused and glanced over his shoulder. The street was empty,
the sun dropping rapidly and filling the spaces under the trees with twilight.
A look to his house, then, hidden back there under the trees and shadows, and
it struck him with a twinge of guilt that he didn't want to go home. If Joyce
wasn't there, waiting to talk,
Don
would be, hiding in his room.
He
had seen the boy only twice during the day; once in the corridors before lunch,
looking like hell and walking like a zombie, and then again just before the
final bell, heading for his locker. Norman had almost called him into the
office, but changed his mind when he saw
Fleet
Robinson stop, whisper something into his ear, and slap his back heartily. Don
had turned and grinned, nodded once, and moved on. But he still looked like
hell, and it wasn't just that damnable black eye; it was the way he looked at
people--blankly, as if he were little more than a shell, his body making the
rounds through habit. It was the way he had been most of yesterday, according
to Joyce. He still smarted from the boy's backtalk and wasn't about to yield
just yet. The kid had to learn that breaking the rules meant taking the
consequences.
And
if he had anything to do with that nonsense at Hedley's, he was going to pay
much more than he thought.
A
breeze kicked at the leaves piling up in 'the gutter, and he hurried, hands
deep in his coat pockets, head down, skin feeling damp. As he passed the
Snowden home, Chris backed out of the driveway in her car, the top down in
spite of the weather; she smiled and waved when he looked up at the sound of
the racing engine. He mouthed a hello, she winked and drove away, and he stood
there a moment, watching her hair fight with the wind.
She
wants to go to bed with you, old fella.
He
swallowed, looked quickly side to side before realizing the leering voice he
had heard was his own, and silent.
But
it was true, no question about it. He had been in the business long enough to
know the difference between a harmless flirtation and one designed to produce
better grades. Chris was definitely the willing type, and as calculating as any
he had ever met. He hastened, men, to pat himself on the back for not once
having fallen into the ultimate trap. Returning a flirtation was nothing; it
was painless, and no one much cared. And it was a kick to do it knowing full
well he wasn't about to grant an A just because the girl had a fine figure or a
lovely smile or a pair of eyes that made him restless at night.
This,
on the other hand, could be serious. He suspected that if she didn't get him
compromised on the mattress, she would somehow find a way to compromise him by
implication. Either way, he was going to have to be careful with that one.
A
laugh, bright and genuine, put a bounce in his step as he headed for the front
door. Calculated or not, it was still nice to know he wasn't considered too
disgustingly old for her to make the effort. In a backhanded way it was rather
flattering.
A
second laugh, that was strangled when he stepped over a puddle on the walk and
turned around sharply.
The
water lying on the sagging brick was clear and unrippled, and along one edge
was a shadow that was neither the tree in the yard nor the eaves nor himself
crossing over.
He
stared at it, drawing out a hand to hold the coat's collar closed around his
neck.
The
shadow didn't move.
It
suggested something much larger, much darker, than he had first imagined, but
when he examined the street, the sidewalk, the yard, the stoop behind him, he
saw nothing.
The
shadow was still there, and when he kicked at the water to rough it and scatter
it onto the grass, it remained unmoved.
"Jesus,"
he said.
It
grew larger.
Darker.
He
stamped a foot into the puddle and watched the shadow slip over his toes.
The
shoe yanked back and he looked up quickly, then sighed his relief aloud. A
cloud. It was a black patch of cloud in the overcast made unnervingly
substantial by the failing light below. Nothing more,
Norman,
nothing more.
He
had his hand on the doorknob then when he heard the noise behind him.
Soft.
Hollow. Slightly uneven, stones dropping lightly onto a damp hollow log.
It
was coming up the walk.
He
did not turn around. Deliberately he turned the knob, pushed open the door and
stepped inside. He closed it behind him without looking over his shoulder and
stood in the empty foyer for several long seconds before taking off his coat.
He
was listening while a silent whisper irrationally insisted the cloud hadn't
made that shadow.
A
shuffling, and Don appeared at the top of the stairs.
A
muffled hollow sound, and something thudded heavily against the door at his
back, just before the door slammed open.
mm Joyce scowled as she pushed inside, grocery
sacks unwieldly in her arms and her purse starting to slip maddeningly off her
shoulder. But instead of the stinging remark that came to mind, she blinked
when she saw the look on her husband's face. He was pale, and moving away from
her as if she were a corpse newly risen from the grave.
"God,"
she said, "I hope to hell I don't look that bad."
Norm
managed a wan smile after wiping his face with a palm, and quickly relieved her
of one of the bags. Trailing after her into the kitchen, he asked about her
day, helped her place cans and boxes in the cupboards, and finally wondered
aloud what was eating their son.
"So
ask him," she said, snatching a saucepan from under the sink. "You
speak the language of the young, the last I heard."
"Hey,
touchy today, aren't you," he said, but without his usual bitterness.
She
watched him drop into a chair, light a cigarette, and stare at the smoke until
it had vanished. "My day was shitty, but yours must have been hell."
"To put it mildly," he said.
And
as she prepared them a quick meal, something they ^ could eat in five minutes
and have no complaints about not feeling full, she listened while he told her
about Hedley's bitching about a prank someone had pulled at his place over the
weekend, about the coaches whining about the teachers who were in a conspiracy
to hold back their best players and ruin the Big Game coming up Friday night
against Ashford
North,
and about the teachers themselves and that sonofabitch Falcone and his threat
to take the faculty out for a walk in only two days.
She
said nothing because a single wrong word would set off his temper.
The
signs were there. And she knew he had deliberately held back the news about
Harry until he'd reached the end of his weary tirade. Maybe he'd thought to
catch her off guard; maybe he thought she would fly to the man's defense and
reveal herself as his not-so-secret lover.
And
maybe he didn't think anything of the sort and was only rambling, hoping to get
this day off his chest before he could relax and start thinking about tomorrow.
Three
cigarettes later he was done, and the silence made her nervous.
She
turned from the stove, and he was staring at her.
"Sorry
about dinner," she said, waving toward the soup and sandwiches.
"There's
a--"
"Committee
meeting tonight," he finished for her. "I know."
"Well,
there is," she insisted without wanting to. "My god, things start on
Wednesday, you know."
"I
know."
"And
as long as you're here, I might as well tell you that that so-called bandmaster
of yours is being a real prick, Norm. He acts like he's in charge of the New
York Philharmonic, for Christ's sake. It's not like we're asking for his blood,
for crying out loud. And he's even talking about extra pay!"
"I
know."
She
slapped at the counter. "Will you please stop saying that? If you know so
damned much, why the hell don't you talk to him like I've asked you a hundred
times already?"
"Three
hundred, but who's counting," he said.
"Jesus."
She
put her back to him and stirred the soup, her free hand pulling her ponytail
over her shoulder to stroke it, to calm her, to figure out a way to get him to
talk to Donald--right, Joyce, his name is Donald. She couldn't do it herself.
When she'd looked in on him on Sunday and he had looked at her that way, she
knew she couldn't have a decent conversation with him without running from the
room.
It
was horrible.
It
was unnatural.
But
after seeing him like that, not sick but something else, she was ashamed to
admit that she was afraid of him.
"Did
you talk to Don?" she asked at last, her voice sounding too small, making
her clear her throat and ask the question again.
"No.
I just walked in the door when you came."
"Then
will you?"
"When
I'm ready."
The
spoon clanged against the side of the pot.
"If
you want to know the truth," he said, sounding less angry but no less
tired, "I think the kid needs a spanking, but he's too big for it.
If
I tried it, he'd probably bash in my teeth."
Last
year, last month, last week, she would have turned on him furiously for even
suggesting such a thing; tonight, however, she only nodded without letting him
see her expression.
"Actually,
I think he's in love."
She
lifted the spoon from the soup, tested for warmth, and returned to her
stirring. "You think so?"
"Yep.
I think he has the hots for the Quintero girl. The cop's kid."
"Norman,
I wish you wouldn't talk like that."
"Like
what?" Perfectly innocent, and uncaring.
"Like
saying Don has the hots for someone. If he's in love, he's in love, and it
doesn't necessarily have anything to do with having sex with the child."
But
he isn't in love, she thought, half-hoping he would read her mind.
He
isn't. I know. I'm his mother, and I know.
"Well,
maybe," he conceded. "And another thing."
"What?"
"If
you don't let up on that spoon, we're going to have butter for supper."
It
wasn't all that funny, but she laughed anyway as she went to the foyer and
called up to her son, telling him supper was ready and he'd best get down here
before it got cold. There was no response. She called again and wished he had
turned out more like Sam, who had never had to be called twice, never got into
trouble.
"Donald!"
She
heard the door open, heard his footsteps in the hall, and smiled as well as she
could when he appeared on the landing.
"I'm
not really hungry, Mother," he said.
"Well,
you'd better come down and eat what you can. It can't hurt, and I don't want
you sick for all the fun this week." "Yeah," he said, looked
back up toward his room, and started down. Slowly. His hand dusting the
banister until he was less than a foot from her. The smile held, but she could
see his eyes flow, could see the look in them, the dark look that made her feel
as if she were an ant to be stepped on, or not, at the whim of a perfectly
ordinary and inexplicably terrifying young man.
"Come
on," she said brusquely and walked away. He followed and she walked
faster, and barely suppressed a relieved sigh when she saw Norm still at the
table. Even a fight, now, would be better than nothing.
But
Norm only nodded, and Don only nodded back, and during the meal they exchanged
words so polite, so noncommittal, so infuriatingly inane that she wished for
the first time that Harry were here. He would know what to do. He was, despite
his dress and his manner with his students, an old-fashioned type when it came
to dealing with children, and he would know how to handle this stranger who was
her son.
And
when the meal was over and she was piling the dishes in the sink,
Don
said, "Are you two getting a divorce?"
She
spun around, a bowl clattering to the floor unbroken. "My god,
Donald,
what a thing to say!"
"Go
to your room," Norman ordered in a strained voice.
"Just
asking," Don said with a shrug. Then he rose, folded his paper napkin, and
walked out.
"Jesus,"
Norm said, pulling a beer from the refrigerator.
"Norm,
what are we going to do?"
He
looked at her, drank, and forced himself to belch. "Seems to me," he
said as he headed for the TV room, "that's your problem. You're the one
who doesn't think I love you, remember?"
"But---"
And
she was alone, hands tangled in a dishtowel, lips moving soundlessly, her dream
of running away with Harry for some remote paradise suddenly more the dream of
an old woman still a spinster.
Then
she saw the clock and knew she was going to be late. Oh, shit, she thought,
threw the towel on the floor, stomped to the doorway, and said,
"I'm
going. I'll be back around eleven."
"I'll
be here."
"Talk
to Don, okay?"
He
lifted a hand--maybe, maybe not.
Damn
you, she thought, and managed to get behind the wheel before she started to
cry. Not long, and not loud. Just enough to prove she could still do it, and
still cared enough to want to in spite of the daydreams and in spite of
Falcone. It wasn't easy; she had admitted weeks ago he meant nothing to her,
not even as a port in her private storm. He meant, if she were going to be
honest, even less than that lawyer she'd taken up with shortly after Sam had
died. That episode had been a search for meaning, or so she claimed, and so
Norman said he believed in his forgiving; this was a search for something else,
something she couldn't define and was growing weary of trying. What it probably
was, she thought bitterly, was a woman on the verge of menopause, looking for
her teenaged self in a mirror that lied.
She
snorted a laugh at the image and backed out into the street, driving off with
the resolve to get home as soon as possible. Maybe then they could talk, the
three of them, about what was going on, and what they could do, and how much
they really loved each other. They had to. Don's question tonight proved it.
Something
moved in the shadows.
"You
know my father's gonna kill me," Tracey said, walking as fast as she
could, her shoulders lifted against the cold that had come with
Monday's
dark.
"God,
you're not that late," Amanda told her. Her long black hair was tied back
with a black ribbon, her school jacket open to the night's chill. "God,
you'd think he was your keeper or something."
"Sometimes
he thinks he is," she said, though with a smile that made
Amanda
frown and shake her head. "It's just a pain how old-fashioned he is
sometimes, you know? But . . . well, he's just afraid for me, that's all.
Because of the Howler."
"Well,
for god's sake, that slime's probably a million miles away by now. He can't be
stupid enough to hang around, right? Christ, he's probably all the way to Ohio
or someplace." She giggled. "Damned fuzz can't find the lint on their
shoulders."
"Hey,"
Tracey said softly.
"Oh.
Sorry." Without regret, only a shrug and a lengthening of her stride.
"Sure."
"No,
I mean it."
Tracey
waved off the weak apology and readjusted the notebooks she carried in her
hand.
Amanda
began humming, and cut herself short. "I wonder if old Tube's gonna be up
all night again."
"Again?"
"Yeah, sure. Didn't you hear Brian today? He said the old fart was up all
night yesterday scrubbing his porch. He had one light, a flashlight, and when
Brian drove by, he turned it off. I guess he didn't want anyone to see what he
was doing. I'll bet he used some of that crap from his lab, y'know? Homemade
bleach." She giggled and mimed a scientist pouring a solution from one
beaker to another. "Maybe he drank some of it. Maybe he thinks it'll give
him more hair."
"All
night, huh? No kidding?" "I'll tell you," Amanda said, moving
closer and lowering her voice. "I'm glad Fleet wasn't there. With his luck
they would have been caught, suspended, and thrown in jail." She sniffed
and looked behind her. "The old fart had it coming though. He's been
busting our asses since school started. I don't think he wants us to
graduate." A laugh, and a slap at Tracey's arm. "He really hates it
that Fleet's getting straight A's, y'know? He thinks Fleet oughta be dumb just
because he plays football. Maybe he has the hots for him, y'know?" She
laughed again, harder, when Tracey looked away, embarrassed.
The
boulevard was empty of everything but its streetlamps and shadows, and it
wasn't hard for Amanda to hear footsteps behind her. She looked, and saw
nothing.
Tracey
saw the move. "Me too," she said, and they moved closer to the curb,
ready to dash across to the other side should they need to run.
"Dumb."
"What?"
"This,"
Amanda said, nodding to the way they were almost tightroping the curb.
"He's a million miles from here."
"Sure,"
Tracey agreed.
"Besides,
I'd kick his balls in if he tried anything with me."
Tracey
nodded, patting the purse she held close to her side. "I've got a piece of
pipe in here. I'd bash his brains in." "Pipe?" Amanda was
impressed. "No shit?"
"Dad
makes me carry it."
"Well,
hell, sure he does. He's a cop."
"I
don't know if I could use it though."
"What?"
Amanda stopped, staring her disbelief. "You're nuts, Trace.
You're
. . . nuts! Of course you can use it! You think you're gonna die, you'll bite
the bastard back if you have to."
Tracey
considered, then nodded. "I guess."
Another
block, and the chill deepened, sharpening the sound of their feet on the
sidewalk, giving the light from the streetlamps a sharp, shimmering edge.
They
walked arm to arm.
The
boulevard was still empty.
"You
know what?" Amanda whispered.
"What?"
She
looked around and lifted her head. "The fucker is dumb, that's what!"
she said loudly.
"Dumber!"
Tracey yelled.
"Dumber
than shit!" Amanda screamed.
"Dumbshit!"
Tracey shouted, and broke into a fit of giggling that soon had her choking.
And
Tanker laughed with them silently, watching as they rushed along the pavement,
almost running as they headed toward the park and the shops' lights beyond and
keeping themselves brave by daring the dark. He knew that method well, had used
it himself a number of times when he was tramping through enemy territory and
didn't want to die.
The
difference here was simple--
He
hadn't died.
And
they were going to.
He
kept to the treed islands in the middle of the wide avenue, staying almost
directly opposite them, herding them with his presense though he didn't show
himself, didn't make a sound, only curling a lip when they almost broke into a
headlong dash once the shorter girl stopped choking.
It
was tempting, taking two whores on at once, and the shakes were on him bad
enough to make his legs cramp and his hair feel as if it were being torn from
his scalp. It hadn't been this bad in a long time, and he was glad the clouds
had thinned a little, to let out the moon; he was glad, too, of the rain over
the weekend. It had kept his friend hidden while he was in that pissant jail,
him and a handful of other men, burns picked up on Saturday night by two cops
in plain clothes, one of whom, a dark little creep who looked like a snotty
spic, actually looked more frightened than stern. Tanker hadn't tried to run
away though, because they didn't know what he looked like, didn't know who he
was, didn't know what he had done. He had gone along, acting like he was weak
and smaller than he was, saying "sir" every time he spoke, giving
them a phony name, sleeping on their damned cots and eating their damned food,
which wasn't all that bad, all things considered.
But
this morning he had been released, and cautioned not very gently not to hang
around anymore, not at the food joints, or the movie house, or the park, or
even the goddamned churches. Babyfuck reasons to ran him out of town. Two of
the other guys headed directly for the city limits, one for the nearest bar,
and Tanker had smoothed and combed and neatened himself up as best he could and
stood at the bus stop right in front of the station. He knew they were watching
him, and he gave them a little wave when he stepped into the bus and let it
take him as far as the park.
Shitheads
didn't even check to see where he had gone.
It
was close. God, how he'd wanted to howl when he walked out the station door, to
see them shit in their pants at what they had missed.
But
he had been strong because the shakes were coming on, and he needed to do it,
and he figured they figured he was halfway to California by now, just like
those assholes in Yonkers, and New York, and Binghamton had figured he was
someplace else when he was right there all the time.
Idiots.
True and real idiots, and he had helped them get that way.
One
of the whores laughed again, nervously, and finally he couldn't take it
anymore. They were exactly where he wanted them to be, and so he drew himself
up and ran out into the middle of the deserted street.
The
shorter bitch saw him first, screamed, and started to run, her notebooks
falling onto the sidewalk; one popped open, pages tumbling toward the gutter.
The other one turned and gaped at him, heard her friend's frantic call and
began to run a few seconds later.
But
she was too far behind, and Tanker angled to position himself in front of her,
pushing her closer to the park wall, closer, grinning as he loped until she
shrieked a name and darted through the open gates.
The
first whore stopped when she saw Tanker race for the opening, but a feint and
snarl had her off again, her voice shrill and laced with tears. He didn't care.
By the time she got help the shakes would be gone.
He
ran. Easily. Up on his toes. Silently. Ducking into the brush as soon as he was
through the gates, following the babyfuck whore by the sound of her shoes and
the sound of her breathing and the sound of her tremulous prayers for someone
to hear her.
At
the oval pond he broke out and grabbed her.
She
screamed so loudly he winced, and before he could stop her she had raked the
side of his face with her nails. Shrieking. Kicking, aiming for his groin.
Screeching when he slapped her, and clawing at him again until he grabbed her
wrists and pulled her forward, spun around once and dumped her into the water.
She
gasped as she struggled back to the surface and stood, water dripping from her
eyebrows, from her jaw, backing away as he stepped calmly in to join her.
"No,"
she said.
He
only grinned and moved in.
Amanda
leapt for the apron and fell when her wet soles slipped out from under her.
Tanker was on her back before she could regain her balance, and with a sad
shake of his head he slammed her face into the concrete.
"Whore,"
he said, baring his teeth.
Amanda
groaned and coughed blood.
He
drove her facedown again, his hands snarled in her wet hair, one knee jammed in
the small of her back.
"Whore."
She
groaned again, and fell silent.
"Whore,"
he said a third time, and dragged her by the hair into the bushes. Then he tore
off her jacket and tossed it aside, rolled her onto her back and stood over
her. He was right, as usual--a whore. He could tell by the way the sweater
clung to her breasts, the way the tiny gold cross on the fine gold chain around
her neck mocked the religion she supposedly believed in; he could tell by the
way she bled from the gouges in her forehead and chin.
She
was a whore, and Tanker was hungry, and with a grateful look to the unseen moon
he dropped beside her, put a hand to her cheek, and licked his lips twice
before tearing out her throat.
the stadium held over fourteen hundred people
in the concrete stands alone; the wooden bleachers on the opposite side added
three hundred more. Don imagined every seat filled now with people in black,
weeping for the loss of the butchered Amanda Adler.
Weeping.
Wailing. Demanding retribution.
But
as he ran, the cool wind stinging his eyes into infrequent tears, there was
only the sound of his soles on the cinder track, and in the stands there were
only about two hundred students and less than a handful of teachers. He had
counted them, or tried to, but each time he made a new circuit someone had
moved, or new faces appeared and old ones vanished. Some of the kids just sat
there, staring at nothing; others milled about, talking softly, tugging at
arms, shrugging at leaving.
It
had happened just after third period--an announcement by his father over the P.
A. system. Amanda Adler was dead, murdered in the park, and the school would
close now in her memory and would remain closed tomorrow so that her friends
might pay their respects in their own private ways.
After
a respectful pause he added that the Ashford Day park concert tomorrow night
would not be canceled as rumored, but would be considered a memorial for the
two students who had recently lost their lives so senselessly and violently.
Then he asked the teachers to end classes and dismiss their charges as soon as
possible.
Brian
Pratt had said, "All right! Freedom!" and Tar Boston had punched him
in the stomach; Adam Hedley sat with Harry Falcone in the faculty lounge and
groused about the closing, obviously one done not in sincerity but with a clear
political eye out for preventing a teacher's strike from getting much play in
the papers. It was, he claimed, a cynical and effective move for which Boyd
ought to be given credit; and one that might be countered. When Harry asked for
an explanation, Hedley told him about the jacket; Jeff Lichter cleaned his
glasses fifteen times in ten minutes, trying to get rid of the elusive blur on
the lenses; Fleet Robinson was absent; After shutting down the P.A. system,
Norman
sat behind his desk, and stared out the window, thinking that
Harry
was going to be pissed, Joyce was going to be understandably upset at the
solemnization of her opening celebration, and the newspapers would probably cut
his statement in half and make him look like just another politician--all in
all, a hell of a day; Don immediately put his books into his locker and headed
for the track. On the way he met Chris, who flung her arms around him and
mumbled something about just talking to Amanda the other day. He was stunned
and stroked her back absently while trying not to seem embarrassed as students
passed around them, trying not to feel the soft tickle of her hair against his
chin. No one seemed to notice. Then she stepped away, smiled, kissed his cheek,
and thanked him. It was several minutes before he was able to move on, not
bothering to change, needing the fresh air and the quiet, and something else to
think about, except that even with the feel of Chris's thin blouse on his palms
he couldn't think about a thing except Amanda, with the long black hair,
hanging on Fleet's hip and taking his crude macho teasing with remarkable good
grace.
He
had already known about the killing.
Last
night, Sergeant Verona had called just after Joyce had returned from her
meeting. Don overheard the Boyd end of the conversation, and was prepared when
his father told him what had happened. Then the phone rang again, and continued
to ring for hours while reporters and god knew who else asked the principal for
his official, his private, his off-the cuff reactions. Norman handled it well,
Don thought, and Joyce was right there, drafting a quick statement at the
kitchen table for him to read or expand from after the first twenty minutes.
During
a pause Norman had turned to him and asked if he'd known her, if she was a good
friend. He had only nodded and had gone unhindered to his room.
He
was angry because he wanted to do more than just nod his head. He wanted to say
that it didn't make any difference whether she was a friend or not. She was
seventeen and he was seventeen-and-a-half, and now she was dead and in some
goddamn morgue lying under a dirty sheet.
She
was dead, and nobody else was. This wasn't some poor unknown sucker from
another school; this was Amanda, Mandy, Fleet's beautiful dark-haired lady, and
he knew her and she was dead and she was only seventeen and strangers may die
even younger, but not Amanda because Don knew her and people he knew just
didn't die. And they sure didn't die because some maniac was out there, getting
away with murder while kids were damned dying on the damned streets and who the
hell cared if he knew her or not; she was dead, and she was only seventeen.
That
morning he had promised not to say a word until the official announcement had
been made. It didn't matter, since most of them knew it anyway through the macabre
reach of the grapevine, and those who didn't were soon filled in after school
closed and a quiet had sifted over the grounds.
But
he had kept the promise, and when classes were dismissed, he took off for the
track.
Seeing
the same faces move about, seeing different ones take different places, seeing
some of the kids smiling because of the time off, and some of them grim and
staring blindly at the grass that rippled as the wind came up.
There
was no one in the bleachers.
On
his third lap he saw a flickering under the wooden seats, and he slowed, peered
into the shadows, and sped up again. It was nothing. A trick of the light. A
trick of the sky and the sun that didn't give a damn that a seventeen-year-old
girl had been mangled because the cops couldn't catch one lousy killer.
And
that, he decided, would be part of the new order he had devised: no one, not
even adults, would die at the hands of a crazy bastard who obviously thought he
was some kind of animal.
He
walked the next lap, head down, arms limp at his sides. His shirt was stained
with perspiration, his trousers damp and clinging. Tracey wasn't in school. He
didn't blame her. From the garbled story he'd heard last night, she had
practically been killed herself, and the first thing he was going to do when he
got home was forgive her for not getting in touch, and call her.
Someone
called his name.
He
ignored it and started around the front turn, heading for the bleachers again.
Once there, he would take one more lap, then go home and shower. After that he
would call. And after that he would try to figure out what had happened to his
best friend.
On
Sunday, when he was finally able to examine the poster more closely, he
realized that in one respect he had been wrong, that no one had attempted to
mutilate the picture--a finger touched the paper and he saw that the flaw was
in the picture itself. There were no raised edges, no indentations. Just a
static screen of white lines that made no sense at all. Flaws like that didn't
come with time.
Someone
called his name.
He
scowled and looked around, saw Jeff at the railing at the bottom of the stands.
A glance to the bleachers, a brief wondering what he had seen there, and he
decided he had had enough. With one hand massaging the back of his neck he
walked over to the nearest steps and hauled himself up, dropped onto a seat and
waited for Jeff.
"Hey,"
Lichter said without much enthusiasm, "Yeah," he said, passing a
sleeve over his mouth.
"What
a bitch:"
Don
rested his forearms on his knees and leaned over, still trying to get his wind
back. Thinking about Amanda. A drop of sweat landed on his shoe.
"I
mean, they don't even know what this dude looks like, for god's sake!
What
the hell kind of thing is that? This makes what, seven? And they don't even
know what he looks like!" He took off his glasses and pulled out a
shirttail to clean them. "Tracey's practically ready to move in with her
grandmother, and I tell you, Don, I don't blame her."
He
covered his face with his hands, drew them down an inch at a time, and looked
up at the sky. "What do you mean?"
"I
mean, she and Mandy were walking back from the library, minding their own
business, and all of a sudden this crazy guy runs out at them, and the next
thing Tracey knows, Mandy and this guy are gone into the park.
She--Trace,
I mean--she screamed so much she's hoarse, and she ran all the way to Beacher's
to use the phone. Her old man was there, but she says she could hardly talk she
was so scared. Some doctor was supposed to go over to their place and give her
something so she could sleep." He replaced the glasses, pushed back his
hair. "I bet she didn't though. I bet she didn't sleep a wink."
Don
pushed back on the seat until he could lean his elbows on the one behind. Then
he squinted at Jeff. "She called you?"
"Yeah."
He
nodded, and felt a wall begin to crack somewhere inside him, a fissure
splitting the wall in half.
"She
cried a lot, believe it."
The
wall fell to dry, colorless dust. "She called you." "Yeah, I
said she did." Jeff started to smile, then found something to look at
intently on the gridiron. "She said she had to talk to someone, and your
line was busy. She said she tried for nearly an hour, but she had to talk to
someone, and when she couldn't get you, she tried me."
"You
were home."
Jeffs
laugh sounded almost genuine. "Sure! You think my father would let me out
that late on a school night?"
"Well,
it just goes to show you," Don said, rising and dusting at his trousers.
"Hey,
Don, I told you she tried to call."
"I
know, I know."
"But
your line was busy."
"My
father," he said. "Reporters and all, and the police."
"Oh.
Well, look, you oughta call her when you get home, you know? I mean, it was you
she wanted to talk to, not me."
"Sure."
He started for the stairs; he had to run again in spite of the stitch that
lingered in his side.
"Hey,
Don, damnit," Jeff called.
He
didn't look around.
"Hey,
it ain't my fault."
He
started to run.
"Well,
fuck you too, pal."
And
when he came around again, Jeff was gone.
The
burning in his left eye he blamed on the wind, and he lowered his head so his
vision would clear, and so he could watch the out-and-back rhythm of his feet
gliding over the track.
Out.
Back. The cinder so smooth he imagined he wasn't moving at all.
He
felt it then--^the slipping away, letting anger stiffen his muscles and labor
his breath, color his mind until he couldn't think, could barely see, made him
stop, panting, hands hard on his hips while he gulped at the sky for air to
calm him.
He
was back at the bleachers, blinking the tears away and trying not to scream
Jeffs name at the sky. Trying not to chase after his friend, slam him against a
wall and demand to know what he thought he was doing, talking to Don's girl
when it was Don Tracey wanted, Don she had tried to call and could not reach
because his goddamned parents were too busy trying to lessen the blow of
Mandy's death. Not soften. They were hunting for ways to let life go on with a
minimum of disruption: the school and the celebration. Ashford. One hundred and
fifty years. And
Mandy
was only seventeen and he was only seventeen-and-a-half and he would be damned
if he was going to let it happen to him.
He
bent over and let his arms hang loose. His hands shook wildly but the tension
wouldn't drain; his knees felt like buckling, and he was ready to give in, to
collapse and try to make sense of this new thing when, from his right, he heard
a noise.
A
shuffling, a sniffing, something moving under the seats.
He
turned his head and peered into the shadows. A dog, probably. That's what he
had seen before--a glow from its eyes, or something in its mouth. A claw, or
the color of its fur.
He
listened, and heard nothing.
He
stared back at the track, shaking himself all over to loosen up and drive the
red from his eyes. When he was finished, he took several deep breaths he
released explosively, then walked over and leaned down, supporting himself on
his palms while he looked between the seats.
He
overcame an initial rush of surprise and said, "Hey, who are you?"
But
the man cowering against the brick wall only lifted a filthy hand to wave him
away. A man of indeterminate age, in fatigue pants and tweed jacket, with grime
on his face and dark stains on his fingers and unshaven chin. A man who pushed
himself back against the wall and waved him away a second time, a third,
without saying a word. ., "Are you all right, mister?"
Again
the dismissal.
"Hey,
if you need help or something ..."
The
man glowered and Don backed off, looked to the stands for someone to call,
looked back and blinked. Once. Slowly.
The
red vanished, and he could see again with a clarity that hurt his eyes. But he
felt nothing. He only returned to the bleachers and smiled at the man hiding
under the seats.
"Fuck
off, kid," the man said.
Don
continued to smile, but there was no mirth, no humor, just a grim, silent
message that he knew who the man was; he knew, and he didn't approve.
"Damnit,
fuck off you puak creep," the man snarled.
He
nodded and walked away, across the grass and up the steps and around the side
of the school toward home.
Fantastic,
he thought; this is fantastic.
If
he wanted to, he could be a hero. He could go right into the kitchen and call
the police and tell them that he knew where the Howler was. And if the killer
had fled by the time they arrived, he would be able to give them more than just
one lousy clue, he could give them a complete description. The first one. The
only one. And the Howler wouldn't be so safe anymore.
But
when he came into the foyer, he saw his jacket draped over the newel post. He
poked at it, then hooked a finger under the collar and flung it over his
shoulder.
Boy,
he thought, this is a great day. My jacket's back and I could be a hero if I
wanted.
He
went to the kitchen to get a can of soda and stopped in the doorway.
His
father was at the table, scribbling on a yellow legal pad, looking harried and
tired, and not at all pleased.
"Found
your missing jacket, I see," Norman said after a glance up.
"Yeah.
Who brought it back?" He opened the refrigerator, got his drink, and
hook-shot the pull tab into the garbage.
"Mr.
Hedley."
"Who?"
-
Norman
dropped his pen onto the pad and leaned back. "Mr. Hedley. You remember
him, the teacher? He brought the jacket to my office yesterday morning."
He
didn't understand, and stared at the man until, at last, he began to see.
"You
think I did it, huh?"
Norman
shook his head. "No, not really."
Red
again, this time like a wave.
"What
do you mean, not really? I didn't do it, if you want to know." He slammed
the can on the counter, ignoring the soda foaming over the sides.
"Jeez!"
Norman
puffed his cheeks and blew out. "Donald, I don't have time to argue. You
say you didn't dump that crap on his porch, but he did find the coat on his
hedge. And he does think you emptied that bottle in his classroom. He puts two
and two together and decides to be a nice guy and come to me first, not to the
police." "Okay," he said. "Okay."
"And
you say you didn't do it. Even after all the grief, and the detentions, you
still didn't do it."
"My
god!" he exploded. "What do you want from me, a written confession?
You
want me to take a lie detector test?"
"Donald,
that's enough."
Don
almost told him that they were father and son, and there ought to be a little
trust in a guy's word now and then.
But
he didn't.
He
said, "You're right, Dad. It's enough."
He
walked stiffly to the foot of the stairs, hesitated until he was sure he
wouldn't be chased, then hurried up to the bathroom. He filled the basin with
cold water and splashed it over his face, soaked a washcloth and ran it around
his neck.
But
the red wouldn't go away.
It
spread across the mirror and faded to a pink pale enough for him to see his
reflection; it thumped through his chest until he thought he would explode; it
poured into his ears with a roaring like the ocean just after a storm; it
swirled around him, drew him in, spun him out and vanished so suddenly he had
to grab the edge of the sink before he fell to his knees.
He
was sweating, and he was cold, and he draped a towel around his neck and went
into his room, closed the door, and stood in front of the poster.
The
trees were still there, and the ground fog, and the road.
And
the stallion was still partially hidden behind a screen of white lines.
"What's
going on?" he whispered nervously, reaching out a cold hand to touch the
space where the stallion was fading. "What's going on?"
Then
he sat on the bed and clamped his hands to his face. Quite suddenly he was
afraid. Not of what was happening to the horse, but of the madness that must be
taking hold of him to make him think it was slowly disappearing. That had to be
it. He had to be going crazy. There wasn't a poster in the world that had a
picture that disappeared by stages, and there wasn't another kid in the world
who talked to a stupid photograph and called it his friend and told it his
secrets and asked for its advice. There wasn't anyone like him at all because
he was going crazy, and he couldn't even tell Tracey because she had called
Jeff and not him.
Jeff
was scared.
There
was some maniac running around town killing off the people he knew, there was a
feeling deep inside him in a place he couldn't find that he'd lost his chance
to have Tracey, and there was a madman, an unknown person or thing or something
else that was taking over the body of who used to be his best friend.
As
soon as Don had walked away from him at the stadium, he'd stomped up the steps
and back into the school. For a while he stood helplessly in the team locker
room, knowing there'd be no practice, but not knowing where else to go. Home
was out of the question because his dad was at work; Beacher's was out because
he didn't have any money.
What
he wanted to do was go to Tracey's. What he wanted was someone to talk to. What
he wanted was someone to tell him--as she would, he just knew it--that it was
all right to cry when a friend of yours dies.
And
he did.
And
when Tar Boston came in, whistling, he wiped his face without taking off his
glasses.
"Christ
Almighty," Boston said, "she wasn't your damned sister, you
know."
Jeff
turned away.
"Fuck,"
Boston said, and kicked at the wall. "It ain't right, you know?
It
ain't right."
Jeff
waited, heard nothing more, and snapped his lock shut and headed for the door.
As he reached for the knob, he thought he heard a sniffling behind him. A
muffled sobbing.
Jesus,
he thought, and turned around.
Tar
was leaning against the wall, grinning while he made the sounds of weeping.
"Four-eyes," he said, "you ain't half bad, but you sure ain't a
man."
Jeff
walked over to him, and Boston laughed, lifting his hands to ward off the
expected blow. He laughed so hard he didn't see Jeff shift his weight to his
left foot, and he didn't have time to duck when Jeff kicked him in the balls.
The
yell was strangled, and 'strangled with it were threats that made him smile as
he left, striding across the gym to a martial tune in his head. He was going to
pay for that. Boy, was he ever going to pay for it. But the look on the
bastard's face was worth every broken bone he was going to get.
Worth
it, in spades.
So
why the hell, he thought then, couldn't he get the same courage up to ask
Tracey out?
The
smile widened. Well . . . maybe he could. Maybe he really could. And then maybe
he could walk over to Don's and find out what the hell was wrong with the guy's
head.
Don
heard his mother drive up, heard the front door close, heard muffled voices in
the kitchen. The telephone rang. Someone answered. He shifted to lie on his
back, hands behind his head. He sniffed, made himself shudder, and heard
footsteps outside his door. A soft knocking. The door opened.
"Darling,"
Joyce said, "are you all right?"
She
was beautiful, her hair unbound and flowing over her shoulders, a brightly
colored blouse unbuttoned at the throat, a skirt not quite matching and not
quite snug around her hips.
He
nodded, but only once.
She
gave him a tentative smile and sat at the foot of the bed. "It's been
rough. I guess, huh?"
He
nodded.
She
laid a sympathetic hand on his leg and rubbed it absently, looking around the
room at the empty shelves, the neat desk. She said nothing about the poster.
"It isn't easy, I know. You know someone, and they have to ... to die like
that. It isn't easy, believe me."
He
knew she meant Sam, and while Sam was his brother, he was only a kid.
Mandy
wasn't really his friend, but she was seventeen and he knew her better than
he'd ever known his little brother.
Joyce
cleared her throat, and her smile was sad, then brave, then gone altogether.
He
watched her, and felt sand in his throat. "Mom," he said before he
could think and stop himself, "there's something I have to tell you.
Over
at the school this afternoon I saw "In a minute, dear, please," she
interrupted in the way she had that told him she wasn't listening at all.
"That was Tracey Quintero on the phone before." She patted his knee,
rose, and went to the door.
"What?"
He sat up, hands splayed to the sides to give him balance.
"Tracey?
Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well,
dear, this is kind of hard for you to understand, but she needs someone to talk
to, and I think it best she talk to her parents first, don't you?"
"What?" he said, so softly she didn't hear him.
"Grown-ups,
they have experience, and they know, most of the time, how someone your age is
feeling, like about. . . well, like something like mis." The smile
returned, briefly. "I think, right now, Mr. Quintero will help her more
than her friends."
He
dropped back again. "What did you tell her?" "I told her you
were sleeping. That you were disturbed by what had happened, and you were
sleeping."
"Thanks,"
he said tonelessly.
Joyce
winked at him and left, closing the door behind her.
The
room filled with a silence that breathed, in and out, over the beating of his
heart, the muffled creak of the bedsprings, the voices that slipped uninvited
under the door.
What,
he thought to the afterimage of his mother, do you know about what
I
need, huh? What the hell do you know about Tracey? Jesus, you didn't even know
she was Spanish, for god's sake.
"Oh,
hell," he moaned, "oh hell, oh hell."
And
the hell with them, then. He had given them a chance to help him be a hero, and
maybe save some kid's life, but they didn't care. They didn't care at all. One
thought he was an asshole who dumped shit on people's porches, and the other
thought he didn't know how to help his own friends feel better.
They
looked at him and they saw baby Sam.
The
hell with them then.
He
closed his eyes and felt the nugget still buried in his chest. Warm, red, and
every inch of it his.
If
they didn't want to help him, if they didn't trust him, then he would do it on
his own. He was the one who knew what the Howler looked like; he was the one
who could put the killer behind bars for the rest of his life; he was the one
who knew it all, and they could all go to hell for all he cared.
How,
something asked him then, do you know he's the Howler?
For
the space of a heartbeat he blinked in confusion, and for the space of a long
breath he didn't know the answer.
Then
his eyes narrowed, and his breathing came easy, and it didn't bother him at all
when he thought: birds of a feather.
Because
in a way it was true. That creep under the bleachers worked under his own
rules, and Don had written some new rules of his own. He couldn't speak them
aloud, but he knew them just the same--they were written on that nugget, in
red, just waiting.
He
rolled onto his side, head propped on one hand.
He
looked at the poster, and a sigh changed to a whimper. He was on his feet,
across the room, gripping the edge of the desk and staring through a fall of
perspiration from his brow.
The
black horse was gone.
The
static scratches had vanished, but the stallion was gone.
He
touched the paper, traced the boles of the trees, the swirl of the fog, ran his
palm over it, pressed his forehead to it, lifted a corner to check behind it.
The
road was empty.
It
was gone.
A
panicked step took.him halfway to the door, but he heard movement outside and
ran to the window. The yard was dark and fringed by moonlight, and in the
middle of the grass was a shadow. At first he thought it was Chris, coming the
back way to see him for some unknown reason; then he squinted and pressed his
palms to the pane and felt the glass. It wasn't--it was the same visitor he had
seen last week when he'd run, the one who had watched him from the tunnel in
the stadium wall. Unformed. Black. And watching him as surely as if it had a
perfect set of eyes.
A
drop of ice touched his nape.
His
head whipped around and he looked at the poster.
The
horse was still gone.
When
he looked back, the shadow was gone too.
Suddenly,
inexplicably weeping, he backed away from the window, from the poster, and fell
onto the bed. He tried to swallow, and couldn't; he tried to call for help, and
couldn't; he tried to tell himself that he wasn't crazy, not really crazy, but
posters didn't change and black ghosts didn't walk across his backyard at
night.
"Help,"
he whispered. "Somebody. Help."
^irds
of a feather.
He
waited until well past eleven, until he was positive the boards in the hallway
wouldn't betray him. Then he dressed in his black denims and crept downstairs,
took a flashlight from the hall closet and left the house by the back door.
The
night had turned winter cold, and his breath gusted greyly from his lips,
wafted back into his eyes. He stood with his hand on the metal knob until his
vision adjusted, then moved in a low crouch toward the middle of the yard, the
rod of white light bleaching the grass. He searched for depressions,
disturbances, something dropped by whoever had been there before, whoever had
been watching him through his window. He criss-crossed the yard twice and found
nothing, did it twice again and decided to try the front, where the moonlight
and the streetlamps would give him some aid.
Going
back inside was out of the question.
He
wanted desperately to convince himself that he hadn't gone crazy. He wanted to
find tangible evidence of a prowler-- maybe Brian and Tar up to another prank
they were going to blame on him--which he could then show to his parents, to
prove he hadn't lost his mind when he told them about the poster. Because he
was going to have to. If he didn't, and didn't do it soon, one of them was
going to notice and think he'd done something to it and make it too late to
protest.
The
street was quiet, empty, and even as he watched, many of the lights upstairs
and down were switched off to yank the houses back into darkness.
Birds
of a feather.
He
zipped his jacket closed to his neck and sat on the front stoop, the flashlight
on the step beside him. Dampness seeped through his jeans to his buttocks, and
he shifted, stood, and walked down to the sidewalk.
This
is crazy, he thought, and grinned at the word. Of course it is, because you
are, jackass. The poster, the shadow, and thinking you're the same as some
murdering bum. Three strikes. Third out. Sanity retired and the ball game's
over.
Unless
it was true.
Unless
he and the Howler were closer than he could ever possibly imagine and somehow
his subconscious had tuned in to that fact. And if so, he had to find the man,
find out where he hid during the dark hours and bring the cops to him. Be the
hero, just like he planned, and then dare his father to ground him again, doubt
him, and look at him with those pitying eyes. Dare him to yell because he'd
left the house without permission.
Crazy.
He
hurried toward the park.
Crazy.
He
slipped his hands into his pants pockets, thumbs hanging out, and tried not to
come down too hard on his heels. He had to look casual, just out for a late
night stroll, in case a patrol car came around and wanted to know what he was
doing on the streets when there was a madman on the loose. He couldn't tell
them then. He couldn't say that he knew the Howler, because they wouldn't
believe him. He had to find him, and his den, and only then would he be able to
bring in the troops.
Halfway
to the corner a car pulled over to the curb and the passenger door opened. He
slowed and glanced in, and caught his breath when he saw
Tar.
"Hey,
Duck, does your mommy know you're out?"
"Lay
off," he said glumly.
"Aw,
poor Ducky. Hey, Brian, the Duck says to lay off."
Pratt
leaned over from the steering wheel and grinned. "Okay, Mr. Duck.
Whatever
you say."
Don
glared and moved on, and the car followed him slowly.
"Hey,
Boyd," Tar said in a loud whisper, "glad to see you found your
jacket. Looks good. How'd you get the shit off?"
Don
stopped, turned, but Brian drove on, his and Tar's laughter filling the night.
He
wanted to raise a fist, but it would have done no good and he would have only
gotten into a fight. But it was them, and he groaned because his father would
never believe it.
At
the corner he stopped again, waited in shadow for a bus to pass, and in waiting
considered heading down to Tracey's. She'd be in bed but a pebble against her
window might bring her out before her father woke up.
He
would talk to her. He would tell her. He would . . .
"Shit,"
he muttered, and dashed across the boulevard, reached the park wall at full
speed, and vaulted over without pausing.
A
minute passed, and five before he got up from his knees and made his way to the
central path. The park was so much his, he knew right away there was no one
nearby, no one to overhear and question him, and take him back to the house.
He
was alone.
And
as he approached the oval and its curtain of white light he knew he was wrong.
There
was something out there, out there in the dark.
Something
familiar.
He
slowed; he stopped; he sidestepped just before the trees fell away, and he
squinted into the light.
There,
he thought, craning his neck. It was over there, on the other side, not moving,
only watching, and when his left hand reached around behind him he realized
with a silent curse he had forgotten to bring the flashlight--he had nothing
now he could use as a weapon.
Brian
and Tar; it had to be them, back to make sure he understood their position.
Beating the shit out of him; and when the police came, they would be sleeping
soundly in bed and he would have to explain what he was doing in the park.
He
backed away.
A
hand rubbed at his mouth.
Crazy;
if he wasn't crazy before, he was sure crazy now for thinking of this stunt.
The poster obviously had an explanation, the shadows were his nerves because of
Pratt and his hatred, but this was complete madness.
A
swift search of the nearest brush rewarded him with a four-foot length of dead
branch. He hefted it, tapped it against his palm, and prayed frantically that
he wouldn't have to use it, though against what or who he didn't know.
Then
a voice behind him said, "Babyfuck," and a hand grabbed his throat.
Eton
screamed without making a sound as his hand spasmed and the branch fell from
his hand, and before he could attempt to break free, an arm banded hard across
his chest, pinning his own to his sides. Brian! he yelled silently; Tar, for
god's sake, get the hell off me! But his head was forced back, and when he
lowered his gaze from the spin of the treetops, he saw the tweed sleeve, the dried
blood, and he knew.
Panic
flared and made him hollow. But he was not going to die. Amanda was dead, and
Sam was dead, and he was not going to die because he was not anyone else, not
just a name on the news; he was Don Boyd, and Don
Boyd
didn't die. Not yet. God, not yet.
The
Howler was too strong to fight, and he had no choice but to let himself be
dragged around the rim of the pond, his neck close to breaking, his breathing
harsh and shallow, the back of his head hot from the breath that came from the
monster's mouth.
"Babyfuck,"
said Tanker Falwick. "You sure are one stupid babyfuck, boy."
Don
swung one leg around and braced a heel against the concrete. The man grunted,
and Don whimpered at the pain that blossomed along his spine, but progress
toward the dark was momentarily halted.
Falwick
whispered, "You wanna bath? Like the whore? You wanna bath, punk?"
A
vicious kick to a calf, and Don went down, the fingers whipping away from his
throat to grab a patch of hair. His eyes watered, and his left arm was taken by
the wrist and bent up along his back.
"Look,
you punk!" the man gasped in his ear. "Stop fucking around and look!
See that dark shit there? That's blood, pal. Blood. From the whore. Beautiful,
ain't it? Must be a gallon of blood there, at least a goddamned gallon. And you
know something, punk? They can try for a hundred years, they ain't never gonna
get that whore's blood outta there." A cackling laugh, and Don's face was
pressed closer to the ground. "Hungry, boy? You wanna lick it, punk? You
wanna--"
"Please,"
Don managed.
"Oh,
my, listen to that."
He
swallowed phlegm and acid, blinked away the tears, and wondered why he couldn't
have been built like Fleet or Tar so he could leap out of the man's grasp, turn,
and beat him to a bloody mess where Amanda had died.
Tanker
forced his face even closer to the ground, and when his nose touched the cold
cement, he shut his eyes tightly.
"Please,"
he said, less pleading now than commanding.
"Aw,
babyfuck, you getting mad at the old sarge? You getting mad at me, punk?"
He
was. He didn't understand it, but he was. He was terrified of what was coming,
and enraged at his helplessness, and he didn't want to die and there wasn't a
damned thing he could do about it, not a thing, just like always.
"I--I
won't say anything, honest I won't."
"Aw,
the punk's begging. Ain't that nice. They all do, y'know, punk.
They
all beg at the end. They think they're hot shit, but they all beg at the
end."
Not
the end, he thought, suddenly contorting his body in hopes of breaking the
hold. But his head shrieked at the pull of hair, and his thigh burst into flame
when a heel jammed into it, and his jacket and shirt where the man had gripped
them from behind closed around his chest and restricted his lungs.
"They
all beg, the little whores, and it don't do any good. Say good-bye, punk. You
little white trash shit.''
Don
gagged as his head was pulled back; his eyes opened and stared, and then he
lashed his right hand around and caught Falwick on the biceps with an elbow.
The man grunted his surprise, dropped the hold on his hair, and Don jabbed
again swiftly, scissoring his legs until he was over on his back, his left arm
still behind him but pinning Falwick's arm there as well.
And
he saw the man's face.
The
same hard-lined face, the same grubby man he had seen under the bleachers.
Falwick
spit at him, clubbed the side of his head with a fist, and rose, dragging him
up, releasing the bent arm and spinning him around.
Laughing.
Coughing. Four times around until he let go with a squeal and
Don
pinwheeled into the pond, landed sitting up and shaking water from his eyes. A
mistake! he thought jubilantly; and I can outrun him.
But
first he had to outmaneuver him or distract him, and the man in the tweed
jacket and fatigue pants was standing right there on the edge, watching him
smugly, licking his lips and lightly rubbing his arm.
"You
gonna run?" Falwick asked with a sneer. "You gonna try for it, boy?
If
you are, you better get up, or I'm gonna cut you where you sit."
It
was unreal.
It
was something happening to someone else in a dream.
It
was like . . . and Don saw himself on the movie theater screen, rising
vengefully from the cold water and lunging to die apron, whirling to plant a
foot solidly in the man's chest. A bone snapped. Blood gouted from the man's
scabbed lips. Another foot to the stomach, a lethal fist to the chin, and the
Howler fell backward, rigid and unconscious, into the pond.
On
the screen.
"Goddamn
punk," the Howler said in disgust. "You're all the same, you fucking
little punks. All the goddamned same. You ain't got no guts.
You're
babyfucks, you don't deserve to live."
Don
eased himself along until he felt the apron press against his back.
"Good,"
Falwick said, nodding. "Very good. You're trying for a head start."
A
car horn sounded shrilly on the boulevard. The screech of panicked brakes, the
prolonged, sickening crunch of metal slamming into metal.
"Well,
shit," Falwick said.
Don
looked over his shoulder, not daring to believe it. An accident. The police. He
stumbled to his feet, cupped his hands around his mouth, and shouted. Scrambled
to the apron and started to run.
Falwick
was in front of him, arms spread, fingers waggling at him to try it.
Don
made a feint to the left, to the right, but the Howler only stood there, his
hands up and out now, showing him the nails that had grown into claws.
A
cry and a wild turn, and he was racing up the path toward the ball field, head
high and arms pumping, trying to ignore the agony in his neck and thigh, trying
not to listen to the man chasing him and closing ground, wheezing a laugh and
snarling like a dog let loose from its leash.
Out
of the trees and across the grass, heading for the north exit. There were
houses there. He could yell. He could break a window. He would get somebody to
come to the door, see what was happening and call the police. He could still be
a hero; he could still get home and still be alive, and jesus please don't let
me die I don't wanna die not like
Amanda.
The
Howler appeared at his side, pacing him easily and grinning. "Hey, punk,
this the best you can do?"
He
faltered, and the man bellowed and snapped a clubbed fist into his chest. He
fell forward, still running, feeling the fire around his heart while he
scrabbled on hands and knees before his elbows gave out and he slammed to the
ground. Panting. Crying. Furious at himself for being such an idiot, furious at
the Howler for not letting him live, furious at the whole fucking world for all
their goddamned rules!
He
tensed, waiting for the blow.
He
looked up, grass and dirt stuck to his cheeks, and saw the Howler standing over
him, hands on his hips.
"You
done, punk?"
He
sagged, curled, and felt his mouth open slowly.
"Little
bastard."
The
Howler looked up at the sky, at the moon, and cocked his head as though
listening to instructions from the night. Then he reached down to grab the
jacket, and Eton wriggled away, twisting until he was crab-walking on his
buttocks.
"Christ,"
the Howler muttered, reached again, and froze.
The
kid's eyes were open in terror, but he wasn't looking at him.
Falwick
snorted, reached again, and froze again when he heard it behind him--
Iron
striking iron. Hollow. Slow.
"What
the fuck?"
Don
felt his lips begin to quiver, felt the cold from the ground travel up through
his clothes to cling to his skin, but he could neither move away from the man
who was turning aside nor could he look somewhere else, to see something,
anything, that proved he wasn't crazy at all.
Iron.
Striking iron.
Stones
on a hollow log.
Wood
against wood.
The
hooves of a black horse clopping softly on the earth.
Falwick
shook his head, rubbed his eyes, shook his head again and lifted his hands.
"What the hell is this?"
The
stallion was on the far side of the diamond, more shadow than substance, its
sides gleaming black, its mane untouched by the wind that rose from the light
of the moon. It moved without moving its head, gliding across the basepath,
across the pitcher's mound, across the grass, and stopping.
Falwick
tried to look behind it, to see where the owner was and if he would have to
kill more than once tonight; Don pushed himself backward, not daring to believe
it.
"Fuck
off," Falwick said then, and turned back to his prey with a this is it,
pal grin.
The
horse snorted and pawed the ground.
Falwick
looked over his shoulder, and Don saw the blood drain from his grimy face.
The
horse, moving again, deliberately, more slowly, was half again as big as any
Don had ever seen. Its muscles rolled and flexed like black waves over black
water; its tail was arched and twitching, its forelock blown back between ears
that lay flat along the sides of its massive head; and the eyes were large and
slanted, and a dark glowing green.
"You?"
the boy whispered.
It
paused, and looked at him, and he saw from his vision's corner the
Howler
backing away.
"You?"
The
horse waited.
Don
looked to Tanker Falwick, closed his eyes, and saw Amanda.
I
could be a hero, he thought, and who would believe me?
His
eyes shut more tightly and saw his empty room, heard his mother call him Sam,
heard his father as much as call him a liar. Teachers pushing him. Tracey not
calling. Brian and Tar and Fleet and all the others. The rainbow lights behind
his eyelids stung like dull needles; his fading black eye felt as if it were
bleeding at the edges; and then he saw himself on the park grass, his eyes open
and blind, his throat torn and bleeding.
The
horse waited.
His
eyes opened again, the stinging gone, the images gone, and the animal was still
there.
I'm
crazy, he thought; and suddenly the nugget in his chest expanded, exploded . .
. and he felt nothing at all.
"Yes,"
he said flatly. "Yes. Do it."
The
animal waited a moment longer, then headed straight for the Howler, its gaze
fixed on the man's chest, its legs lifting higher, coming down harder, and
striking green sparks from the earth beneath its hooves.
When
it was ten yards away, Falwick groaned in terror and whirled to his left,
bolting for the trees, and the stallion rose against the moon, forelegs snapping
out, mane billowing now as steam flowed like dark smoke from its nostrils.
Then
it ran.
And
the ground was silent except for the slap of the Howl er's shoes, silent except
for the sparks snapping into the dark, green and trailing and dying before
landing.
Don
rolled to his knees, his right hand closing unconsciously over the branch he'd
dropped earlier, and he watched as the Howler veered to the left, swerved to
the right, and spun around just as the horse reached him and reared.
Don
shouted.
Falwick
screamed.
And
the stallion came down on him, sparks streaking to green fire.
on sat up suddenly, eyes wide, mouth open in a
scream that never passed his lips. His arms were rigid at his sides, and his
head jerked in clockwork degrees side to side until he felt pressure on his
right shoulder. His head snapped around. His mouth remained open. There was a
woman's hand, long fingers pale as it tried to ease him back. His gaze traced
it warily, found the wrist, found the arm, found his mother's face puffed and
wan.
"Don,
it's all right."
He
saw the lips move (the stallion rearing), heard the words (the Howler
shrieking), and after several seconds he let himself be levered back while a
dark figure at the foot of the bed cranked up the mattress until he was almost
sitting again.
"Don,
it's all right, honey."
The
echoless scream died at last, the tunnel collapsed in upon itself, and once his
vision cleared, he didn't have to ask to know he was in a hospital room.
A
nurse at his left side took his pulse; a doctor whose face was familiar entered
and picked up the chart, read it, nodded, edged the nurse aside and pulled up a
stool. His face was lean and creased with too many summers under the sun, his
hair a thicket of unruly grey.
"How
are you feeling, son?" Large hands moved--his brow, his chest, pressed
through his hair and lightly squeezed his scalp. ' 'No aches, no pains? Your
back is probably sore though, right?"
"How'd
you know?" Don asked hoarsely, still trying to bring himself back out of
the park.
The
doctor gave him a smile. "In bed this long without moving, it's bound to
be."
"Can
he go home now, Jerry?"
"Later
this afternoon, I think," Dr. Naugle said. He looked to Don.
"Just
to be sure, son, okay? I doubt we've missed anything, but just to be
sure." He looked across the bed to Joyce. "Suppertime." A jerk
of his head toward the IV stand and the fluid dripping into Don's arm.
"After what we've been feeding him since midnight, he'll be
starving." A satisfied sigh, and he rose to his feet. "I guess
that'll be okay with you, son, right?"
Before
Don could answer, he was gone, his mother hastening after him, the nurse
behind. The dark figure finally moved out of the shadows.
"Dad?"
Norman
tried to speak, then licked his lips and grinned as he took
Joyce's
chair. He patted Don's shoulder, his leg, stared blankly at the
IV
tubing and the tape on the boy's arm. His hair was uncombed and appeared greyer
in the dawnlight that slotted through the window's
Venetian
blinds; his eyes were bloodshot, the nose faintly red, the one visible hand
jumping every few seconds.
Don
was shocked--his father had been crying.
"Boy,"
he said too eagerly, "I could drink a whole lake I'm so thirsty."
Norman
grabbed gratefully for the water pitcher on the bed table, poured a glass, and
finally a second.
"How
do you feel?"
"Terrible.
No; just lousy." He shifted, and felt the bruise on his thigh and the
circle of hurt where the Howler's knees had jammed into his spine.
Norman
stood and walked toward the door and walked back to the chair.
"Sergeant
Verona will be here in a few minutes, I guess. He's been waiting for you to ...
for you to wake up."
"The
police?"
Green
sparks green fire "They want to know what happened out there." He
clearly wanted to ask, and was just as clearly afraid to. "The reporters
too."
Don
rolled his head to stare at the ceiling. "Reporters."
"Well,
you're a hero, son. It's already on the radio."
He
felt panic, and it was cold. "Dad, listen, I've got to--"
The
door swung open and Verona walked in. His suit jacket was rumpled, his tie
gone, a blade of wet grass clung to one elbow. Joyce was right behind him, and
she protested when he suggested that the Boyds leave him and the boy alone.
Norm took her arm; she glared at him, then blew Don a kiss on the way out. The
door closed without a sound. The window light brightened.
He
felt the panic again, but it subsided when Verona shook his hand warmly while taking
the chair.
"That,"
he said, nodding to their clasped hands, "is for now. Later,
I'll
probably be cursing you from here to Sunday for what you did. Not that I don't
like you," he added with a crooked smile, "but the papers are going
to wonder how a teenage kid could dispose of the Howler when the police in two
states couldn't even find a clue."
Don
shrugged, and his stomach growled.
there was blood, lots of blood, and the sound
of trampling hooves "So.
Do
you want to tell me what happened?"
Tell
him, Don thought; and told him that he had been unable to sleep, that he had
gone for a walk to do some thinking and had ended up at the park. That's where
the man grabbed him, and that's where he'd gotten away.
Verona
didn't take notes or have a tape recorder with him. He nodded. He listened. He
asked more questions, and in the asking told Don what he needed to know.
It
was the Howler. That grizzled old man was the man who killed Amanda.
Tissue
samples from the body matched those found under the giri's fingernails, and his
name was Falwick, an ex-army sergeant who evidently couldn't fit into the
system. They had been able to retrace most of
Don's
struggles, but they still wondered about a few things. It couldn't be a
pleasant memory, Verona acknowledged as he mopped his face with a handkerchief,
momentarily hiding his eyes, but they did need to know.
Just
a few things. Then he'd leave Don alone for some well-deserved rest. He would
even keep the reporters off his back for a while.
Just--why
did Don beat the man so severely? So savagely?
Don
didn't know. "I was afraid. He was going to kill me."
Verona
made a clucking sound. Jerry Naugle, Don's doctor, had suggested it was an
hysteria-induced defense and certainly not uncommon. Instead of running away,
Don had found the branch and used it to protect himself. He had known Amanda.
Fear and anger, and perhaps a lucky blow, had knocked Falwick down. That's when
hysteria took over. Adrenaline fueled it. Luis Quintero had been at the scene
of the accident on the boulevard and had heard someone shouting in the park. He
found Don kneeling a few feet from the body, the branch still in hand, blood on
it and the boy's clothes. He was in deep shock and didn't even answer to his
name.
"I
guess," Don said. "Yeah. I guess." And it could have been, he
thought. It must have been. If there had been a horse, they would have said so;
if the horse had been real, someone would have seen him. It could have been
him, because he remembered the rage.
Verona
shook his hand again, and Don's eyes blurred with tears when his parents
returned.
Must
have been. Hysteria, and shock, and maybe he wasn't crazy after all. His friend
had been summoned because of the fear, but Don had done it all on his own. He had
blacked out and done it himself. No magic. No giant stallion. He had killed a
man. All on his own. He wept for nearly half an hour--loudly, then noiselessly,
soaking his mother's blouse while she stroked his hair and kissed his cheek and
his father held his hand so tightly the knuckles cracked. He wept until Dr.
Naugle returned and hustled the room clear, saying Don needed his rest if he
wanted to go home to get something decent to eat. Norman was reluctant, but he
went; Joyce embraced him once more and whispered, "I know you're not
Sam,
dear. You're my Donny, and I love you."
Without
a pill he slept soundly until well after noon.
When
he woke the IV was gone and the nurse was there with a tray of food he ate
without tasting. When he begged for more, she laughed and told him there'd be
plenty when he got home; when he wondered about his parents, they were there
and told him there was a mob of kids down in the waiting room eager to see him.
A group of reporters too. It was, his father said in quiet excitement, as if
the President were in town. Don was pleased and tried not to show it,
embarrassed because the image of the stallion still darted through his vision,
and anxious because suddenly all he wanted to do was go home and take a close
look at the poster on his wall.
Maybe
he wasn't crazy, but he still had to know.
"And
do you know what else?" his mother said. "Are you ready for this?
The
mayor wants to give you a medal at the concert tonight. A medal! Can you
believe it?"
"Me?
Me, a medal?"
A
look to his father brought a proud nod; a look to his mother brought him
another kiss.
"I
can't," he said, fingers digging into the stiff sheet. "I can't,
Mom."
"We'll talk about it later, when you get home, dear," she said
quickly and softly. "We'll send up the kids now, while I get you some
clean clothes."
greensparks greenfire Don didn't understand
why Tracey was wearing jeans and an old jacket until he remembered that school
was closed today, because of Amanda. Nor did he understand why Lich ter had to
come with her.
Tracey,
after exchanging glances with Jeff, took the chair while he sat on the bed and
grabbed for Don's hand.
"The
Detention Kid strikes again," he said heartily. "Man, are you nuts or
something?"
"Shut
up, Jeff," Tracey ordered gently, and leaned over to kiss Don's cheek. Her
hand found his and held it. "Are you all right?" "I think
so," he said. "I didn't get hurt or anything. Your father--hey, easy
on the merchandise," he protested to Jeff, pulling free his hand and
wincing in false pain. "I'm a black belt, remember?"
"I
remember you're crazy, that's what I remember."
"It
takes one to know one."
"Very
funny."
"Don,"
Tracey said, "Brian says--"
"Shit
on Brian," Jeff mumbled.
"--my
father was the one who did it, not you. He's saying all kinds of crazy things,
like he chased you home last night before you even got to the park."
Concern was then replaced by a smile. "But nobody's listening."
"Did they ever?" he asked without much humor, then swallowed the sour
moment with an effort that made him grunt.
"You
okay?" Jeff said quickly.
"Gas,"
he said, patting his stomach. "It's the food. Almost as bad as
Beacher's."
Jeff
laughed, slapped the mattress and looked to Tracey. She giggled, shook her
head, and he told her to go ahead.
"What?"
Don said, not liking the intimacy. "What?"
"Beacher,"
Tracey started, then burst out laughing, shook her head and her hand and
inhaled deeply to choke off the fit. "He's named a sandwich after
you."
"He
did what?"
Jeff
nodded. "He named a sandwich after you and he's serving it to all the
reporters! God, can you believe it?"
"What
is it, raw hamburger?"
"No.
It's . . ." Jeff stood and leaned against the wall to keep from falling
down. "It's grilled cheese and bacon, with lettuce and onions."
"What?"
Don yelled. "I don't even like grilled cheese. What the hell does that
have to do with anything?"
"Who
the hell knows? But if you go in and ask for a Don Boyd Special, that's what
you get."
It
was prairie fire laughter that spread from one to the other, dying down, then
roaring again, until his sides ached and his cheeks felt ready to split and his
lungs refused to give him enough air. Jeff crumpled to the floor with his hands
locked over his stomach. Tracey rolled in her chair until it slammed back
against the wall and nearly skidded out from under her. The nurse looked in
once, and saw them and grinned and winked at them to quiet down; Dr. Naugle
came by and suggested loudly they calm down before they were all put in
straitjackets.
Don
sobered first, blinking away the tears and moaning while the ache faded from
his ribs.
The
nurse reappeared, arms folded over her chest, one eyebrow lifted to signal the
end of the visit.
"Shit,"
Jeff whispered, and shook his hand again, averting his eyes when
Don
saw the question there--did you really kill him with your own two hands?
"See
you later," Tracey told him before the question could be asked.
"Take
care of yourself, hero, okay? We'll see you later, maybe tonight."
She
kissed him on the lips, once and quickly, so quickly he couldn't taste it. When
they were through the door, he watched as Tracey went left, as Jeff grabbed her
hand and pulled her to the right. She giggled; he hushed her with his head
close to hers.
A
sandwich, he thought; Jesus Christ, a sandwich!
greensparks and green/ire and the stallion's
silhouette against the white of the moon
"I
wouldn't let him come up," Chris said, perching on the mattress by his
hip. "He's acting like an asshole. Would you believe, even Tar thinks he's
acting like a jerk?"
Gratefully,
and somewhat embarrassed, he turned his cheek toward her oncoming lips, and was
nonplussed when she cupped his face in her hands, turned it back, and gave him
a kiss he knew the doctor wouldn't approve of. She didn't seem to notice his
bewilderment, only leaned away and slumped so that her man's white shirt bagged
over her breasts under the fall of her hair.
"I
think he's jealous."
"Brian?"
That he could not believe. "You're kidding." "Well," she
said, one hand leaning on his waist, "he's been drinking already. Smells
like a brewery, and he can't figure out why the reporters won't talk to him
anymore." A ringer toyed with the sheet. "He said ..." A look
without looking up. "He said something about Donny Duck to them,
y'know?"
"Wonderful,"
he said.
"Oh,
don't worry about it. Nobody cares. My god, you're a genuine hero, you know
that? I mean, you're the kind of man that craphead only dreams about."
"Jesus,
Chris." He looked to the window and wished she'd go away. No, he thought
in a panic. No; just lay off the bullshit.
"No,
really."
"God,
knock it off, huh?"
"Man
can't take a compliment," she said to the wall.
"Well
..."
She
laughed silently and pushed her hair back behind her ears, the movement
half-turning her toward him so he could see, if he wanted, the flat of her
chest where the shirt was creased back.
"I
guess you're all right though."
The
finger waltzed aimlessly, over the sheet, and he couldn't help looking at it
without seeming to, watching it, mesmerized by it, and finally squeezing his
legs together because of where it was heading.
When
he cleared his throat and pushed himself into a higher sitting position, the
finger only paused before dancing on.
"Yes,
thanks." "I hear they're going to make a big deal at the
concert."
"Yeah,
so I heard too." She smiled at him and winked. "Brian and Tar aren't
going. He says you'll make him puke."
"If
that's true, I'll be there early."
Her
lower lip vanished briefly between her teeth before she leaned over again and
kissed him, hard, surprising him so much he let her tongue in before he knew
she was doing it, astounded him so much he opened his eyes and saw her staring
at him. She laughed without pulling away, and the laugh was deep in his mouth,
and he prayed neither of his parents would walk in, not now.
She
broke the kiss, but didn't move away. "Listen, after the concert?"
He
waited.
"If
your folks let you--I mean, you being in the hospital and all, they may not
even think it's a good thing for you to go--but if they do let you, maybe we
can go to Beacher's after."
He
laughed. "And try the Don Boyd Special?"
"You
know?" And she laughed, rocking slowly as her finger moved to his groin,
traced the bulge there, and retreated. "All right! The Don Boyd
Special
it is!"
All
he could was nod, and swallow, and watch the play of her buttocks beneath the
skin of her jeans.
Jesus,
he thought; oh Jesus.
someone was screaming and there was blood on
his hands He closed his eyes and saw Jeff take Tracey's hand, and saw the
promise in Chris's eyes, and felt someone in the room, watching him and not
moving.
Please,
no, he thought, and opened his eyes with a soundless gasp.
Fleet
stood at the foot of the bed. His face was lined, his eyes red-rimmed, and his
hands gripped the metal footboard while he examined
Don's
face.
"God,
you scared me," Don said, smiling.
Reel
nodded.
"Hey,
you okay?"
"I'm
supposed to ask you that, m'man," Robinson answered, his smile only a
pulling back of his lips. "Shit, you done it good, didn't you?"
He
shrugged. " I guess.''
"You
guess?"
"I
don't ... I don't remember everything, exactly."
"No
shit?"
"No
shit."
Fleet
pushed away from the bed, and the light from the window put half his face in
shadow.
"Thanks,"
he said then, in a voice barely heard. "Thanks. ForMandy."
Don
didn't know what to say, nor did he know what to do when Fleet came suddenly
around the bed and leaned close enough to touch. "I wanted that dude,
Donny boy," he said, the words scraped out of his throat. "I wanted
that fucker myself, can you understand that?"
Don
nodded, afraid that Robinson was going to hit him.
Fleet
nodded back as if a point had been made, straightened, and walked out without
saying another word.
Dr.
Naugle came in, Joyce and Norman behind, and before Don could ask anything,
there were reporters in the room. They were quiet but eager, and they had
apparently agreed before hand on the rotation of questions.
He
did the best he could with some help from his father who sat on his one side
while his mother sat on the other, and he tried not to squint in the glare of
the lights or lose his temper when one of them suggested offhandedly that
Brian's story was somewhat closer to the actual fact than the police report; he
made a few self-deprecating jokes they laughed at politely, and just as politely
he refused when a photographer wanted him to hold a bat like a pounds ub; a
woman reporter asked about girlfriends and his running; a man in a tweed suit
made his throat freeze up; and when someone asked how he felt about the medal,
he said in a quiet voice he was pleased and didn't deserve it.
They
left without a fuss when Dr. Naugle called time.
His
parents left him alone to dress in the clothes they had brought.
And
when he was tucking in his shirt, the nurse returned with a wheelchair.
"Do
I have to use that?" he said, pointing with one hand while the other
hurried to zip his fly and buckle his belt. "I can walk."
"If
you don't, I'll have to carry you."
He
grinned and took the seat.
And
there were more pictures at the hospital entrance, and while he was getting
into the station wagon, and while the wagon pulled away slowly from the curb.
He wanted his father to hurry, and didn't want to think that the smile on the
man's face was meant for more than him.
When
they arrived home, there was a police car at the curb and Sergeant
Quintero
on the sidewalk. He opened the door for Joyce and took Don's hand when he
climbed out weakly. The moment was awkward because he knew the man wanted to
say something about the Howler, about Tracey, and he was rescued by Joyce, who
hustled him inside after a quick invitation to the patrolman to come in when he
could and have a cup of coffee.
In
the foyer he glanced up the stairwell and let himself be led into the living
room, where he was put in on the sofa. A fussing over him he enjoyed and didn't
care for, and with apologetic smiles his parents left him alone.
He
looked around, thinking things should be different, realizing with a start he
hadn't been gone for even a full day. It unsettled him. Time shouldn't have
stretched so far, shouldn't have had so much crammed in, yet his father's chair
hadn't moved, and there was an empty cup on the floor beside it, folders on the
couch, magazines on the end table.
Nothing
had changed, and suddenly he was convinced that somehow, this time it should
have.
They
returned with steaming coffee, and a can of soda for him. He grinned as his
father sagged loudly into the chair and kicked off his shoes, squirmed when his
mother dumped the folders on the floor and knelt on the cushion beside him. She
kept looking at her watch.
"Well!"
Norman said explosively, and took a sip of his drink.
Joyce
hugged him quickly and gave him an impish grin.
"Are
you all right, son?" Norman asked solemnly. "I mean, really all
right?"
"I
think so," he answered truthfully. "A little shaky, but I think I'm
okay." "Good," his mother said, retreating to her corner. Then
there were tears. "God, I was so frightened!" "We both
were," his father said when Don reached out a hand to touch Joyce's leg.
"From the moment we found you gone, we were scared to death something had
happened to you."
The
tone in the man's voice made him turn. "Oh," he said then. "Oh,
shit." "Right," Norman said, sternly but not unkindly. "I got
up to get a glass of water and I saw your door open. You were gone, Donald. It
was almost midnight and you were gone. You can't imagine what we thought."
"You
ran away," his mother said. "I mean, that's what we thought--that
you'd run away or something." Her smile was one-sided and her laugh was
abrupt. "I was going to call the police, can you believe it?"
"I
couldn't imagine," Norman said tightly, "where you had gone. We took
the car and started to look for you. We drove around the whole neighborhood
trying to figure out what the hell you were doing to us, why you'd do something
stupid like this."
Don
swallowed. "I couldn't sleep," he explained. "I went for a
walk."
"Without
telling us?"
"You
were asleep. I didn't want to wake you."
"You
drove your mother crazy, you know that, don't you?"
I'm
a hero, he thought then; I'm a hero, don't you remember?
Norman
slumped back in his chair and covered his face with his hands, rubbed, pulled,
then shook his head. "You could have been killed."
Joyce
started to cry.
"But
Dad--"
"You
could have been goddamned killed!" Norman said, his hands flat on the
armrests. "We could have gotten a phone call in the middle of the night,
and we would have had to tell the police we didn't even know you were gone. In
our own house, our own son, and we didn't even know you were gone! Jesus
Christ, Don, if you ever do that again, I'll break your neck!"
Don
struggled to understand--they were mad because they were afraid for him, afraid
because he was their son; yet he couldn't help the rise of his own temper when
he saw the expression on his father's face, a hard and murderous look
untempered by compassion or relief. A glance to his mother-- she was drying her
face with the backs of her hands, bravely smiling to show him he was right, and
this was only their after-the-fact reaction.
Then
her eye caught the hands of the clock on the mantel and she uncurled with a
loving pat to his knee. "I've got to get dinner," she announced.
"There's only a couple of hours before the concert and ... oh, Lord, I'll
never be ready in time. Never. Norm, would you mind peeling the potatoes. I've
got to start--" She took a step toward her husband, looked at the clock
again and rushed out of the room. "Lord!"
she called. "Please, just three or four
more hands, what do you say?"
Norman
laughed indulgently and winked at his son. "It's a big night for her, you
know," he said. "For all of us." "Oh, god," Don
whispered. "Oh, god, do I have to go?"
"Do
you feel up to it?"
"I
don't know."
"Well,
if you don't, we'll understand." His fingers tented under his chin.
"It would be nice, though. There are a lot of people grateful to you for
what you did last night." The fingers folded into a double fist.
"You
know," he said thoughtfully, "I would have thought, to be honest, you
didn't have it in you." He glared then to keep Don from responding.
"You
scared the shit out of me, son. Don't you ever do that again."
"Dad,
I'm sorry."
He
stood, shook off an instant of dizziness, and watched as Norman pushed himself
out of the chair. They faced each other for several seconds, and Don waited for
the hug.
"The
potatoes," Norman said with an uneasy laugh. "Your mother'll have my
hide. C'mon, give me a hand."
Don
followered him into the foyer, but veered off to the stairs instead of the
kitchen. When his father turned, he said, "I need to clean up,
Dad."
He wrinkled his nose. "I smell like disinfectant, you know? I'll be down
in time for supper, don't worry I just ..."
He
gestured vaguely toward the second floor and Norman nodded, gave him a big
smile, and went off, whistling.
They
were afraid for you, he told himself as he took the stairs slowly; they really
are proud of you, really they are.
In
the hallway he hesitated, then turned into his room and stopped.
Gasped.
Held on to the jamb and felt his jaw working.
"I
went up to the attic after we saw you this morning," Joyce said behind
him, her voice small.
He
didn't jump. He only nodded. And he walked slowly in with a grin on his face,
giving silent greetings to his pets back on their shelves, to the panther on
the wall over his headboard, and the elephants that once again flanked his
door. There was a bit of dust on the bobcat, and a cobweb on hawk, but he
didn't care as long as they were back where they belonged.
"Don,
I'm sorry."
She
hadn't come into the room, waiting in the hall as if for an invitation. He
turned and smiled at her, ducked his head and shrugged.
She
was expectant, her hands twisting around her hairbrush, waiting for his
reaction, waiting for absolution.
Then
he looked to the desk and the empty space above it.
"Where
is it?" he asked, more sharply than he'd intended. "I had a poster up
there too. Where is it, Mom?"
"What?"
Joyce came in, looked, and nodded. "Oh. Well, I wasn't sure about that
one, so I took it down and put it in the hall closet. I'll get it if you
want."
"But
why?" he said plaintively as she started up the hall.
She
stopped, returned and swept an arm through the air. "Well, with all these
animals and things around, I ... well, I didn't think you really wanted a
picture of just some trees."
wan dinner was a hasty affair. Joyce spent
more time waving her hands about and babbling than eating, Norman lost his
temper more than once in an effort to be patient, and Don ate everything on his
plate, had seconds, and seriously considered third helpings to satisfy his
sudden, ravenous appetite. Yet his stomach bubbled acid, and a tic refused to
leave the corner of his left eye. It was nerves, he decided, aggravated by his
mother's self-propelled ascent into near hysteria over her participation in the
opening ceremonies at the park tonight, and goaded by the return of his
father's waspish tongue. The closer the time for leaving came, the more surly
Norman grew, until Don finally excused himself and rushed upstairs to dress.
With
the door closed behind him he switched on the light and forced himself to look
at the poster retrieved from the closet and returned to its place.
The
running horse was gone.
He
checked it only once, could not look at it again without seeing the stallion
charging across the ball field, green eyes, green sparks, heading for Falwick
because Don had commanded.
When
he looked out the window, he saw only the night.
"Don,"
his mother called as she sped past the door. "Hurry up, dear, or we're
going to be late."
His
fingers refused to work his buttons, tie his laces, do anything with his hair;
his lips quivered as he warded off a sensation of wintercold that stiffened his
arms and made bending over a chore; and his eyes were pocked with grains of
harsh dust that sent stabs of white fire into his skull, fire that swirled and
coalesced and formed a flame-figure of a horse.
A
dash into the bathroom emptied his meal into the toilet.
Kneeling
on the carpeted floor, hands gripping the porcelain sides, he heard Joyce
bleating in the hall about something spilled on her dress, heard Norman
complaining that the photographers would make him look like a corpse if he
wore, as she insisted, his good black suit.
Another
surge of bile, and the acid tears that came with it before he gulped for air,
flushed the toilet, and grabbed for a towel. From his position on the floor he
dumped the terry cloth into the sink and turned on the cold water, waited,
pulled the towel out and slapped it over his face. His shirt was soaked, but
the shock was a comfort; his throat was raw, but when he staggered to his feet
and scooped a palmful of water into his mouth, the expected reaction didn't
happen. The water went down, stayed down, and he smiled sardonically at his
reflection, his face and hair dripping, and his eyes turning bloodshot.
"Big
hero," he mumbled. "You look like Tar after a three-day drunk."
He
dried himself quickly, brushed his teeth, and combed his hair; back in his room
he changed his shirt and slacks, found a sports jacket he could wear, and
hurried downstairs to wait, standing in the living room and looking out the
window.
The
street was dark, and a light wind taunted the last leaves on the trees. A
couple passing by huddled close to gether though they weren't wearing heavy
coats. Mr. Delfield from across the road argued with his dachshund, who didn't
want the leash, and when the dog slipped its collar, the old man shambled after
it, one hand raised in a doom-laden fist while the other whipped the leash
angrily against the sidewalk. The red convertible sped past, the top up and
music blaring. The wind gusted, and there was movement in the gutters, an acorn
rolled along the walk and dropped into shadow.
Where
are you? he thought, feeling the cold through the pane.
There
was no answer, and he had no time to ask the question again. Joyce was in the
foyer, rattling the car keys and calling up to Norman, telling Don to leave on
one light so they wouldn't break a leg when they got home, and wondering aloud
what she had forgotten, what would go wrong, what people would think if the
celebrations began with a thud, not a bang.
He
followed them out, and took a deep breath, saw Mr. Delfield rushing back to his
house with his dog wriggling under his arm, and took the backseat without any
prompting.
He
watched the street as they drove over and parked on the north side because
there were no ready openings on the boulevard, Joyce complaining because they
should have started earlier to get a decent spot.
At
the gates--similar pillars of stone that marked the other entrance--he
hesitated and listened, and could hear nothing but the murmuring of a patiently
waiting crowd, the slam of a car door, the heels of his mother's shoes cracking
on the path.
Folding
chairs had been placed in orderly half-moon rows facing the bandstand. The
lights were bright and focused on the orchestra that took its place to a
smattering of applause that grew, swelled, had people on their feet with smiles
and whistles and proud looks for their children.
A
television news crew was off to one side amid a clutch of newsmen who scanned
the front rows, discounting the mayor and the community leaders who couldn't
keep from glancing surreptitiously at the cameras.
Don
sat between his parents, not liking the way he was looked at, pointed at,
highlighted by smiles that claimed him as their own. The
Quinteros
sat behind him, and he spent as much time as he could whispering to Tracey
about how silly this all was as he returned a nod or a wave when it came in his
direction.
The
bandmaster climbed to his stand, and the audience settled down; he turned to
the microphone set up to his left and cleared his throat, causing a squeal to
rip through the clearing. He laughed nervously; the audience laughed with him.
He thanked them for coming, and introduced
Mayor
Garziana, who spent fifteen minutes orating Ashford's history in such a way
that the back rows began squirming and the front rows froze their smiles.
A
moment, then, in dramatic pause before he introduced each of the
Ashford
Day Committee members, the principals of the two high schools, and a dozen
others who had worked to bring the town together for its birthday.
Norman
and Joyce stood together, and Don winced when his father turned to the crowd
and waved.
Then
the mayor paused again, spoke again in a voice so soft no one dared sneeze for
missing a word. He alluded to the Howler, and introduced Don.
Don
didn't move though the applause was loud.
"Go
on," Joyce urged him with a hugging grip on his arm.
He
couldn't. The cameras were watching, and the mayor was beaming, and the police
chief in his dress uniform had climbed to the bandstand with a package in his
hand.
"Go,
Donald," Norman hissed, poking his ribs harshly.
He
couldn't.
Where
are you?
Tracey
leaned forward and pulled a strand of his hair. "Go for it, Vet," she
said into his ear.
He
grinned, shook his hair loose and stood. Hand smoothed his jacket, his throat
went dry, and the walk across the infield through the flare of the spotlights
was long and slow and filled with the sound of his soles striking the ground.
Hollow.
Booming. Iron striking iron.
The
applause started again when he positioned himself between the police chief and
the mayor, and he smiled shyly, unable to see anything beyond the wall of white
light.
The
mayor said something--Don heard Amanda's name and heard the silence that
followed--and said something else before shaking his hand vigorously; and
suddenly there were people right in front of him, kneeling, crouching, cameras
working, flashbulbs exploding, mouths working as they ordered this pose and
that, bumping into one another, crowding together, a hydra with white fire-eyes
that made his own water.
The
police chief said something, and handed him the package. His medal, and a
certificate, and the grateful thanks of a town he had saved from further grief.
The
applause punched his ears, the mayor slapped his back, and the chief pumped his
hand without once seeing his face.
Then
he was standing in front of the mike, and it was quiet. Only the whirr of a
camera forwarding its film, only the scuffle of feet on the grass and the creak
of a few chairs.
It
was quiet, and it took him a moment to realize they wanted him to speak. Say a
word. Tell them all how a kid had beaten a murderer to death.
A
voice broke through the white wall from somewhere in the dark: "Hey,
Duck,
tell them the giant crow did it!"
He
looked up sharply, searching for the voice and the derisive laughter that
followed.
He
wasn't close enough to the mike, and only the mayor heard him start; but the
laughter was still there, and spreading through the crowd, feeding on his
nervousness, sympathetic at his plight and trying to tell him there was only
good cheer out there and the gratitude hadn't died.
But
they laughed, a few of them, and Don held the velvet covered box close to his
chest.
The
mayor patted the back of his head and pushed him closer; the bandmaster cleared
his throat. The laughter settled, and died, and there was quiet again.
Except
for the wind that waited in the trees.
He
looked down and saw his parents--Joyce was brushing a tear from her eye, and
Norman was scowling; behind them, he could see Tracey holding tightly to her
father's arm as if holding him in his seat.
"Thank
you," he said at last and clearly, and stepped off the platform before
anyone could stop him.
The
applause was swift and short, and by the time he reached his seat, the
bandmaster was already rapping his baton.
The
police station was deserted except for the desk sergeant and dispatcher and, in
a second floor office that faced the main street,
Thomas
Verona. His shift was over at twelve, but he felt as if he'd already strung
three of them together-- his eyes were bleary, his hands unsteady, and whenever
he tried to concentrate on anything for more than a few moments at a time, the
world began a slow spinning that forced him to shut his eyes tightly before he
lost his balance.
Three
fingers massaged one cheek as he stared out the window. There were few
pedestrians, and the cars that stopped at the light on the corner were more
than likely from adjoining towns, passing through, going home.
He
shifted his ministrations to the other cheek and imagined he could hear the
concert in the park. Susan was there, sitting with the
Quinteros,
and he wished he could have joined them. But he couldn't. It was Luis's night,
not his--Luis had found the boy and had taken care of him until the ambulance
had arrived, Luis, who also managed to clear up the accident between a bus and car
that had jumped a boulevard island.
Luis
Quintero deserved what attention he could garner; he, on the other hand, was
needed to fill in when one of his colleagues was taken ill.
Still,
it would have been nice, sitting beside Susan and holding her hand. A hell of a
lot better than sitting in here.
"Shit,"
he muttered, and turned away from the window, laid his palms on the cluttered
desk, and stared at the file folder spread open before him. Test results on
Falwick's injuries. Test results on Amanda Adler and the Howler's other
victims. Test results on the blood found on
Boyd's
clothes and hands. A preliminary autopsy report made just around noon,
precedence over others because of the case's notoriety. He poked at them with a
finger and frowned. By necessity, most of what he looked at was initial
findings only, though certainly conclusive enough for him to shut the folder,
file it away, and move on to the next thing.
But
he couldn't.
He
kept seeing the slender figure of that boy lying in the hospital bed, seeing
the fear in his eyes, in the way he spoke without really answering questions.
It wasn't right. He would have surmised through visual evidence that Boyd was
hiding something, covering up for a gang that had almost torn the retired
sergeant to shreds--and he had, until the first results came in and he saw he
was wrong, another theory shot to hell like hundreds before it and the ancestor
of hundreds more.
One
kid. One victim.
Footsteps
in the hall and he looked up in time to see a white-jacketed man stride past
his open doorway.
"Hey,
Ice!"
The
footsteps hesitated and returned. A short man with wispy hair atop a constantly
wistful face leaned against the doorframe and grinned. "Such devotion, I
can't stand it," he said.
Verona
lifted his middle finger, smiled over it, then used it to stab at a sheet of
green paper. "This thing here." Ice Ronson stretched without leaving
his place. "Right, Tom. It's a piece of paper."
"The
Boyd thing."
"Okay.
It's a piece of paper about the Boyd thing." He snatched a stick of gum
from his breast pocket and folded it into his mouth. Blew a bubble he sucked
back before it broke. "So?"
"So
who did most of the work? I don't recognize the signature here." He turned
the sheet around and waited until Ronson crossed the room to stare.
"Christ, you guys can't even write your own names except on checks."
"Hey,
man, it's tough down there in the trenches," Ronson said, taking a pair of
wire-rimmed glasses from the same pocket as his gum. "We deal in volatile
chemicals, delicate measurements, knowing all the time a man's life may hang in
the--shit, this is impossible! Why the hell don't you get a decent lamp, huh? A
man could go blind." He held the paper up toward the fluorescent light in
the ceiling. "Oh, yeah, it's Adam. He did this stuff."
"Adam?"
Ronson sighed for the ignorance of the people he had to work with. "Adam
Hedley, don't you know him? Incredibly brilliant chemist wasting his time
teaching high school. He likes police work, does this part-time when he ain't
babysitting the brats. Y'know, he could get three, four times what he's making
now and he doesn't? Stupid, if you ask me. The guy's a genius."
Verona
nodded. "Nice for him. But even Einstein was wrong once in a while."
"Name
three."
"Ice,
look, this isn't right, okay?"
Ronson
spread his hands. "Tom, I said Adam did it."
"Then
he did it wrong."
Ronson
perched on the edge of the desk and shook his head. "I may do it wrong,
boss, but not Adam. He's a maniac. Every test gets done a zillion times, and he
still wants us to send samples to the FBI, just in case he's goofed."
Verona
leaned back. "Well, he's goofed this time."
Ronson
shook his head; Veron a was declaring the impossible.
The
detective sighed, took out a handkerchief and mopped his face. "Ice, read
it."
Ronson
shook his head; Verona was declaring the impossible, when he was done, he
closed the folder. "Interesting."
"Interesting,
shit!"
The
lab man shook his head and took off his glasses, added another stick of gum to
the first, and blew another bubble as he moved out into the hallway. Then he
locked an arm around the frame and leaned back to peer in. "I think,"
he said, "if Adam's right, and he probably is, you've got a problem, Dick
Tracy." "The same to you, fella," Verona said without smiling,
and swiveled his chair back to the window, three fingers to his cheek, trying
to imagine Susan listening to the music, hoping she was missing him as much as
he missed her.
Then
he glowered at the dim reflection in the pane and stood, took his coat down
from the rack and walked out. He would take a car, ride around with the window
down to clear his head, and maybe he would come up with a reason why there were
no particles of wood found on Falwick's corpse.
And
why there were no chips or gouges or strips missing from the club the Boyd kid
had used.
Just
before he reached the entrance he stopped, considered, and took the stairs down
into the basement, to the room at the back, where the evidence was kept.
He
unlocked the heavy iron door, locked it behind him, and moved through the
stacks like library shelves. When he found the Boyd case he took down the
cardboard carton and sat on the floor with the box between his legs. There
wasn't much--shards of clothing in plastic bags, bits of grass and dirt, the
branch with bags tied at both ends. The light was dim, only a single bulb
overhead, but he held the branch close to his eyes and stared, shaking his head
at the streaks of dark on the grey bark, at the heft of it, swinging it once
and knowing that two or three collisions with a man's skull or shoulder would
have shattered it.
But
the Howler was dead, case closed, decreed by a relieved and gleeful chief who
reported to a mayor whose first reaction was to wonder if he could declare a
national holiday.
He
stood, swung the club like a bat once more, and replaced it, replaced the box,
and unlocked the door before switching off the light.
The
kid didn't do it.
Goddamnit,
that kid didn't do it.
Then
he heard it--footsteps in the hall that curved away from him to the right. To
his left it curved again, a circular corridor in whose center core was the
boiler room. He waited, listening to the steam heat gurgling and hissing
through the pipes bracketed to the low ceiling.
"Ice?"
The
footsteps moved closer, slow, steady, and Verona felt his hand moving toward
the gun holstered under his arm. He chided himself for the reflex, but didn't
stop it when he saw the shadow growing on the wall.
It
was indistinct and dark, and spread to the ceiling, bled onto the floor.
"Ronson,
goddamnit, stop playing games!"
The
footsteps halted, the shadow remained.
Verona
felt behind him with his free hand and turned the heavy knob on the evidence
room door. Forty-three is too old to be having hallucinations in the
stationhouse, but he knew damned well that what he saw wasn't a man.
The
footsteps began again, hollow and soft.
The
shadow darkened, spread farther, form hidden in the dust that floated in the
cold air.
The
gun was out, the door was open, and any thought he had of running for the
stairwell was erased when the shadow made a sound like an animal snorting, the
footsteps grew louder, and the lights went out.
Verona
whirled into the room, slammed the door and locked it; the gun was still in his
hand when he pressed an ear to the iron, knowing he wouldn't hear anything,
hoping he would be able to feel the vibrations should the intruder attempt to break
in.
He
backed away when he sensed something stopped on the other side, jumping when
his shoulder struck a shelf, swearing when something pounded softly on the
door.
There
was no other exit, no windows, no air or heating ducts; no place else to go but
stand against the back wall and listen to the pounding, listen to his heart,
and feel the gun in his hand become slippery and warm.
Norman
was talking with a reporter, Joyce was conferring with the mayor, and Don sat
rigid in his seat, wishing they would all go away.
It
seemed that no one could wait until the last note of the last piece had drifted
into the sky before they were on him, wanting to shake his hand, kid him, or
just stand by him so they could be in one of the pictures. He had squirmed
around the first chance he got, but the
Quinteros
were already gone, and when he asked his father about
Beacher's,
he was told that it would be a better idea to get a good night's sleep. Don't
try too much, Joyce had cautioned, not so soon after.
Don
had agreed without more than token argument; a cloud had enveloped him,
soporific, making it difficult for him to keep his eyes open, to keep his lips
in a smile. At one point, just when he thought he was going to bolt through the
crowd and head for home on his own, he caught
Chris's
eye as she walked by with a portly florid-faced man he assumed was her father.
She smiled in anticipation, but he mugged a sorrowful expression, signaling
with a jerk of his head and a shrug that he was trapped into going home. She
grinned, and mimed holding up a noose around her neck, her eyes popping, her
tongue hanging out, and walked on, with a single glance over her shoulder
before the crowd closed in again and she was lost.
Finally,
when a buzzing began deep in one ear, he shoved himself to his feet and took
hold of his father's arm. Norman tried to brush him off without looking, then
turned and saw the boy's face. A wavering that Don wanted to slap from his face
before he said one last word into the mike held toward his lips. A smile, a
shake of hands, and Don felt himself being led toward his mother. The mayor was
long gone, a handful of men and women in his place; one of them was Harry
Falcone.
"Joyce,"
Norman said with a brusque nod to the teacher, "we have to be getting
home."
She
balked and the others groaned at his unsociable behavior until he took her arm
and pointed at Don. "Oh, god, I'm sorry," she said, was flustering in
her farewells and did not object when Falcone congratulated Don with a handshake,
Norman with one as well, and kissed
Joyce's
cheek with both hands on her shoulders.
In
the station wagon Joyce kicked off her shoes and whooped. "Keerist, did
you see them?" she yelled as they pulled away from the curb. "Jesus,
I
had them eating out of my damned hand!"
"What
about the other committee members?" Norman asked, taking a corner too
quickly and squealing the tires, braking too abruptly and almost sliding her
into the well.
"Hell,
they had their glory, too, don't worry," she grumbled. "God, a woman
can't even have a moment in the sun around here."
"You
did a great job, Mom," Don said hastily from the backseat, his medal
beside him, the box still unopened.
"Thank
you, darling."
"He's
right," Norman agreed with an expansive show of good humor. "Great
job, Mrs. Boyd. If you run for mayor, I want to be dogcatcher."
"You
got it," she said.
"It
was still a great job."
She
grunted, "Damn right," and less than five minutes later they were in
the driveway, and the wind picked up before they reached the door; it bellowed
down the street ahead of a cloud of dust and leaves and clattered branches
together, caught one house's shutters and banged it hard against the wall. A
garbage can tipped over and rolled into the gutter, a dog howled, and somewhere
near the corner someone's window was smashed.
They
tumbled laughing into the foyer, brushing back hair and staggering toward the
kitchen, Joyce declaring a moratorium on coffee in favor of their best brandy.
"What
timing," she yelled from the den while Norman fetched three glasses. She
peered through the back door curtains, twirled on her toes and presented the
bottle to her husband, who poured. "Fantastic! One more encore and we
would have been drenched."
Don
was about to tell her it wasn't raining yet when he heard it begin in a lull of
the wind, slapping the windows, hissing in the grass. A downpour that wouldn't
last more than ten minutes, but she was right--the timing was so perfect, she
must have a divine guardian somewhere. Then he blinked when his father pressed
a warm glass into his hand.
"It's
okay," Norman said laughingly to his surprise. "It's a special
occasion. I'm not trying to corrupt you." He cleared his throat and took
hold of a narrow lapel. "I think ... to us."
"Damn
right," Joyce said, grinning, and emptied her glass at a swallow.
Don
was cautious, sniffing the liquid first and wrinkling his nose, swallowing hard
against the burning when he took his first sip. He didn't see what all the fuss
was about, but he wasn't going to spoil anything by refusing the drink; by the
time his glass was empty, the fire in his stomach had been reduced to gentle
embers, a furnace in winter that would warm him until dawn.
He
yawned.
The
telephone rang, and Joyce answered, indicated with a thumb it was for her and
disappeared into the living room, the cord trailing behind.
He
yawned again as the brief storm ended and Norman poured himself another glass.
"You'd
better go to bed," his father suggested while he toed off his shoes and
sat at the table. "School tomorrow."
"Jeez,
don't I even get a day off for good behavior?" He made himself laugh to
prove it was a joke. "Besides, Dr. Naugle said I should rest,
remember?"
To
his astonishment, his father considered the idea seriously and compromised by
telling him they'd discuss it in the morning. He didn't push it; he headed
straight for the stairs, blew a loud kiss to his mother, who blew one back
absently, and ran up two steps at a time, kicked into his room and dropped onto
the bed.
The
velvet box was still in his hand. He switched on the light over the headboard,
winked at the panther still licking its paw, and pulled up the hinged lid.
"God,"
he said. "Hot damn."
It
was as big around as his palm, heavy and gold, elabo rately embossed with the
words For Public Service, Donald Boyd. He read them aloud for his friends to
hear, then placed the box on his desk. Deliberately not looking at the wall, he
turned around and unbuttoned his shirt, kicked off his shoes and trousers, and
yanked back the coverlet. He could feel the poster behind him, could feel the
emptiness, the fog, the weight of the trees.
When
he switched off the light, he could feel the dark at the window.
He
yawned so hard his jaw hurt; he stretched so hard his leg muscles ached; he
closed his eyes, rolled onto his side and punched at the pillow, sighed as a
signal for sleep to get a move on, rolled onto his stomach and felt the
pillowcase cool against the flush on his cheek. His feet tangled in the sheets.
The
blanket was too warm; the sheet alone not warm enough.
He
went into the bathroom and brushed the brandy's taste from his mouth.
He
stood at the head of the stairs and listened to his parents talking in the
kitchen; he listened for almost half an hour and not once heard his name.
"Way
to go," he said quietly as he returned to his room. "Good job, son,
we're really proud of you, you know."
The
lamp was still out, and he stood at the window, watching the wind toss the
neighborhood under glimpses of the moon that found cracks in the clouds.
I'm
feeling sorry for myself, aren't I? he asked the night sky. Mom worked hard for
all this; she doesn't want me to take it away.
But
it was only a gesture, this attempt at understanding, and he knew it, and knew
he should feel worse for it. He didn't. He felt as if something had been taken
away before he could make it his own, as if something uniquely his had been
lost from the moment he had heard
Brian's
voice sneering in the park.
He
stretched out his right hand, and his fingers caressed the head of the bobcat;
up a shelf, to follow the lines of a leopard. His breath condensed on the pane.
The clouds reclosed, and there was only a glow from a house a block over, and
the dark against dark of the grass and the trees.
If
you're real, he thought then, where are you? Where are you?
And
he didn't move at all when he saw the slanted green eyes that opened slowly,
and looked up.
slept until well past noon, scarcely moving,
not dreaming, waking only once--when Dr. Naugle came by on his way home from
the hospital to check on what he called his celebrity patient. A soft nervous
laugh--his mother standing in the doorway, a light coat over her arms as if she
were ready to go out, to get back to the business of celebrating the town.
Don's mind was fuzzy, disconnected, and he barely heard the man recommend that
another day in bed wouldn't hurt to regain the strength he had lost, more
emotional than physical.
Joyce
agreed, and Donald didn't argue--he didn't like the weakness that had
infiltrated his muscles, and he didn't like thinking what would happen if he
should show up at school and have a fainting spell or require someone's help to
walk before the day was out.
And
he didn't like thinking what would happen should he inadvertently mention the
horse.
He
slept, then, and this time came the dreams.
Of
the bedroom, whose walls expanded slowly outward, leaving his bed in the center
of a cavern with caves in the dark walls, and in one of the caves he could see
a shadow, drawing him in, beckoning, calling his name soundlessly and telling
him over and over and over again that everything at last was going to be all
right;
Of
the bedroom, through whose window he could see the world from a hawk's lazy
perspective, refocus, plunge, and see Ashford, refocus again and see the horse
waiting patiently under the maple tree in the backyard, watching his window,
waiting for the signal, telling him by his stance that he never need fear
again, not anyone, not anything--all he had to do was call and his friend would
be there; And of the bedroom at the last, and on his desk the remnants of the
nugget that had exploded in his chest. He walked over to it and felt nothing on
his soles, blew on the ebony dust and watched it leap into a dervish, a
tornado, a tower of black that snapped around him before he could duck away,
insinuated itself behind his eyes and showed him the faces of the people at the
concert, their eyes bright with laughter, their mouths open like clowns,
fingers pointing, heads wagging, elbows nudging neighbors, and feet stamping
the ground; it showed him the flushed face of Brian Pratt at the back, hands
cupped around his mouth--tell them the giant crow did it!--and grinning
malevolently at Tar Boston who lifted both his middle fingers--hey donald the
duck-- and turned to Fleet
Robinson,
who stared sullenly at the one who had stolen his revenge; and it showed him
the story of a giant crow, told by a clown who wore black denim.
He
woke at ten minutes to three, sweat covering his face, and he watched the
ceiling trap shadows shrinking away from the sun.
Norman
sat in his office, doing little more than going through the motions, waiting,
expecting that every time the door opened, Harry would slink in to tell him
that the teachers' strike that should have been called the day before had been
called for that afternoon. But Falcone had apparently been made aware of the
principal's mood and stayed away, for which small favor
Norman
mentally sacrificed his wife's heart to the heavens.
Falcone
had kissed her. In front of hundreds of people the sonofabitch had laid his
hands on her and had kissed her.
"Jesus,"
he said. "Jesus."
The
telephone calls were being screened by the secretaries, but enough filtered
through to finally lighten his mood by the time the last class had begun. A few
reporters from out of town, several board members, enough well-wishers to
finally have him smiling.
Shortly
afterward, the mayor called to suggest they not waste any more time but meet as
soon as was politically feasible to discuss the man's successor. Anthony
Garziana was preparing to retire; he had run Ashford for a dozen years and was
tired, looking hungrily toward the day when he could pack up his young wife and
family and flee to his carefully built estate on the Gulf of Mexico, outside
Tampa. He was unimpressed with the deputy mayor; he liked Boyd's style and the
way he had glossed Donald's day with a sheen of his own. That took guts,
Garziana had said; Don,
Norman
told him, had a medal and could be generous.
Splendid,
he thought as he rose to stretch his legs. Jesus, wait until
Joyce
hears this. She'll be hysterical; she'll have the mayor's house redecorated
before the end of the year.
He
grinned and decided to take a walk around his school, left by the private door,
and almost immediately collided with Tracey Quintero. She babbled an apology,
he took her shoulder and calmed her down, and told her sotto voce how proud he
was of her.
Tracey
was flustered. "Me? I didn't do anything."
"You
called the police the night . . . that night."
Her
face darkened. "I was too late."
"But
you panicked the man, Tracey, you panicked him.
You
forced him into a mistake, and he paid for it. For that, a lot of us parents
are very very grateful."
Her
expression doubted the sentiment, but not by much. She blushed prettily and
hurried on, her hands with nothing better to do smoothing her shirt over her
stomach, her hips, until she reached the girls' room and pushed in.
She
was alone, and she stood in front of the wall-long mirror and checked her hair,
her hem, then turned on the cold water and let it run over her wrists. She
should have been in zoology, but a slow-building dizziness made her ask for a
hall pass, granted on the condition she return before the bell. It was silly,
but she accepted, and after her odd meeting with Don's father, she was more
confused than ever.
Last
night she had wanted to remain in the park after the concert, but her father
insisted she return home with him. He was embarrassed by all the attention he
was getting, and insisted that Thomas Verona should be complimented as well. No
one listened. Luis had been at the scene while
Verona
had been on patrol; Luis had discovered what Donald had done.
On
the night of the Howler's death, she had asked him directly what it was he had
seen. There were only rumors, and there was no way to break through the constant
busy signals at the Boyds' home telephone. She wanted to know. He wouldn't tell
her. She reminded him cruelly that
Amanda
could have been her if she had tripped, or had turned to use the length of pipe
she carried; she could have been the one the school had closed for. He grew
angry, but he relented.
And
she didn't believe him.
Even
now, while she straightened her clothes that were fine the way they were, she
could not imagine Don clubbing a man to death, not the way her father had
described it. A bash over the head, yes; a good smack or two to the temple,
sure; but not so hard that the man looked trampled. And when she heard the
television newscasters talk about adren aline rushes and hysterical rage, she
still didn't believe it. To do otherwise would turn Don into someone she didn't
know.
Jeff
had said Don was changing; and maybe she was too. How could she not, when every
night she had the dream--the race down the boulevard, the Howler in pursuit,
Amanda spinning as if trapped in an invisible web that held her until the
killer dragged her into the park . . . while
Tracey
watched, and screamed, and woke up feeling as if someone had kicked her in the
groin.
Tonight,
she resolved. Tonight she would call him, and if she couldn't get through, then
she would go over there. No matter what her father ordered, she would go over
there and talk to him. She didn't know why, only knew she must, and that more
than anything was the root of her confusion.
"A
mess, Quintero," she told her reflection. "Es verdad, you're a
mess."
With
a pinch to her cheeks to bring back some color she hurried back into the hall,
looked both ways and entered the stairwell. On the first landing she paused,
debating whether it was worth returning to class or not, shrugged and hurried
up, stepped into the upstairs hall and turned right just as Brian Pratt leapt
out at her from the bank of lockers in the corner. -- "Hey!" he said,
taking her arnras she made to pass by him.
"Brian,
I've got to get to class, okay?" "God," he said, "you could
at least say hello."
"Hello."
She shook the hand off and hurried away, glancing back once at him, frowning
and thinking that if South won the night game tomorrow and he had anything to
do with it, he would be even more insufferable than he already was. Then she
remembered Jeff telling her about Don, how he had asked everyone he'd known if
she was going with Brian. The thought warmed her, and she rubbed the back of
her neck self-consciously, grinned to herself, and turned abruptly at the
classroom door.
Brian
was still there, shaking his head.
She
couldn't resist--she blew him a kiss before going inside.
Brian
grinned stupidly and started toward her, stopped when she ducked into the
classroom, and shrugged. It didn't matter. She was smitten, another conquest
for the Pratt; and this one all the sweeter because word was she was the Duck's
girl.
The
Duck.
Christ,
he was going to puke the next time he heard someone mention that queer's name.
All goddamn day it had been Don did this and Don did that and Don made the
world in seven fucking days and the next thing he was going to do was walk on
fucking water.
One
lucky hit on a crazy old man and the Duck was God.
A
shame, man, he thought, because they could've been friends. If the little
faggot had only stood up to him that first day, taken one swing at him, they
could have been friends. But no, the creep had cried, run crying into the house
just like a baby. And Brian had no use for babies.
All
this bullshit he was reading about sensitive men was just that--bullshit.
Crying
never got anyone into the National Football League.
Yeah,
he decided; it was time he made a move on Tracey, and soon. He didn't give a
shit that she didn't have any tits; she was after the
Duck,
and that's all the reason he needed.
His
eyes narrowed and he made an about-face, deciding that his good mood was ruined
and there was no sense going to chemistry now. Besides, the
Tube
was busy piling on the homework, and if he wasn't there, he couldn't get the
assignment, and if he couldn't get the assignment he couldn't be held
responsible for it. Right now there were more important things to work on--like
figuring out how to ace Fleet and Tar out of the glory tomorrow. Ashford North
was known in the conference for its defense against the run, which meant in an
ordinary game that Boston and
Robinson
were going to have a field day while Brian was used solely to decoy the
opposition.
But
not this time.
Tomorrow
night he was going to show them what he was really made of, and the scouts he
knew were in town from the Big Ten were going to get an exhibition of ball
handling and running they'd never seen in their lives. With any kind of luck at
all he would be beating them and their contracts off with a baseball bat before
the first half was over.
A
fist thumped his chest as he took the stairs down two at a time, three at a
time, until he was on the ground floor and heading for the weight room on the
other side of the gym. Coach might be there, but he wouldn't mind. Brian would
tell him Medley had agreed to his missing class this once, and Coach would
believe him whether he believed him or not. Brian was his star. Brian does his
job. Get Brian sulking, lose a game or two, and Coach would be teaching
kindergarten someplace in Kansas.
The
sharp echo of his mirthless laugh rebounded from the walls, and he swung around
the corner, whistling and marching, and stopping dead in his tracks when he saw
Mr. Medley lounging against the gym entrance.
"Were
you by any chance lost, Mr. Pratt?" the short man asked without moving
away.
"Hadda
ask Coach something," Brian said easily, trying to contain his impatience.
"You
can ask him after class."
"He
won't be here."
Medley's
upper lip pulled back. "He won't be here? You mean, he's skipping practice
today? The day before the big game, Mr. Pratt?" The man shook his head.
"I cannot credit that, Mr. Pratt. And I suggest, if you want credit for
the course and a diploma in June, you head back upstairs."
Brian
worked hard to keep his hands from curling into fists. One punch.
One
punch and the little shit would fall apart. And one punch, caution reminded
him, would lose him his graduation, entrance into the Big Ten, and his
professional career. Medley, by his expression, knew that as well, and it made
him angrier to know he could do nothing about it.
"Two
minutes, Mr. Pratt, or I'll turn in a cut slip."
"Aw,
jeez, Mr. Hedley," he said, spreading his hands in appeal, "have a
heart, huh?"
Hedley
stared at him so intently Brian thought for a moment the prick had finally
figured out who had dumped the shit on his porch, and was already preparing an
alibi. For himself. Tar, the little coward, would have to take care of himself.
"Two
minutes," Hedley repeated and walked off, arms swinging like a sergeant
major leading a parade.
"Little
prick," Brian muttered. "Fucking little prick."
Hedley
heard but didn't turn, didn't lose a step. He continued to the stairwell and
headed up for his class. A mistake leaving them alone and he knew it; there
were too many legal and ethical ramifications. But
Pratt
had been getting away with too much for too long, and seeing him in the hallway
talking with that little Quintero girl had made him furious. A swift order for
questions to be completed in the workbook, and he was gone, racing down the
center stairs, barely able to control his heavy breathing before the bastard
came around the corner.
Bastard,
he thought, and nodded. A fair choice of words. The mother lived alone, most of
the time, and there was no telling who could claim fatherhood for that monster.
A mental note to see if he could get Candy to reveal the truth, and a wince at
the idea that anyone, most of all her, could be named after a confession.
He
grinned, then, and stroked his mustache. What, he wondered, would
Brian
think if he knew that his flabby little prick of a chemistry teacher was
regularly manhandling his mother; what, he wondered further, would the
thick-necked grunt do if he knew that among Hedley's collection of glossies in
his cellar was a choice set of color photos unmistakably starring her.
Probably
try to wring my neck, he decided, or cut off my balls. "Mr.
Hedley?"
He
cleared his mind of the image of Brian Pratt frothing at the mouth and replaced
it with the more realistic and far more pleasant one of
Chris
Snowden, standing in front of his door with a pile of books in her arms.
"Mr.
Hedley, you wanted these from the library?"
He
was about to deny it, suddenly remembered the bit of research he'd wanted to do
for tomorrow's truncated classes, and nodded, snatched the volumes from her
with a curt nod of thanks, and swung open his door as if daring the class to be
misbehaving.
Chris
stared at his back, and told him silently to go to hell before she wheeled
about and headed back for the library on the other side of the building. Though
it was excruciatingly boring shifting books from one shelf to another, catering
to creeps who needed this author and that reference work, it at least kept her
away from teachers for forty-five minutes, kept the males from trying to
unclothe her without lifting a finger, kept the females from consigning her to
that airhead category all attractive blondes seemed doomed to inhabit from
birth.
It
also gave her furtive opportunities to do her homework before she left for
home, thus enabling her to work full-time on her plan once school was out.
Today
she was testing excuses to see which would work the best when she dropped in on
the Boyds. She'd thought to learn what assignments Don had missed by staying
home, then play the Samaritan by dropping them off--but with classes shortened
tomorrow because of the end-ofthe-day pep rally that would lead up to the game,
most of the faculty wasn't bothering. Then she had wondered if there wasn't
something she could manage from the front office, something she hadn't yet been
able to figure out.
In
a way the idea of seeing Don was beginning to turn her on. She had heard
several graphic versions of what he'd done to the Howler, and even taking it
all with a pound of salt, it must have been one awesome battle; and to look at
him, you wouldn't think he could step on Brian's shadow without breaking a leg.
Appearances,
she thought; it's all in appearances, the one subject she knew better than
anyone else.
Probably
the simplest thing would be just to go, to say truthfully she was concerned and
wondering how Don was feeling, could she see him for a minute, and bring him
some false greetings from his friends.
Sometimes,
Chris, she thought, you try too hard, you know it? You just try too damned
hard.
She
pushed, then, on the swinging door, heard a thud and a grunt, and looked up
through the narrow wire-embedded glass pane.
Oh,
Christ! And her eyes closed briefly when Mr. Boyd pulled on the handle and let
himself out.
"Gee,
I'm sorry," she said, putting an unthinking hand on his arm. "I'm
really sorry, Mr. Boyd, honestly. I wasn't looking. I didn't mean it."
He
smiled and rubbed his shoulder ruefully. "I think I'll live, Chris.
Don't
worry about it."
"Honest
to god, I didn't mean it, really."
"All
right, take it easy," he told her, laughing easily at her distress that
bordered on the comic. "I'm not mortally wounded. I'll survive.
Just
keep your head up from now on, okay? I'd like to last through the year if you
don't mind."
His
touch on her shoulder was more a brief caress than a pat, and he was gone,
leaving her swearing at herself for botching the first chance she'd had to make
some points with the old man. She could have pretended a temporary injury, or
fallen against him; and now, when the opportunity almost literally knocked her
off her feet, she had blown it.
"Shit!"
"Miss
Snowden!" the librarian scolded from behind her desk.
Fuck
off, you old bitch, she said silently; at least I've been screwed more than
once in the last twenty years.
She
stalked to the back of the room, grabbed a cart of books, and set about trying
to put them all back before the last bell rang. She would have to stop home
first to change her clothes, make them easier to discard should the occasion
arise, or at least make them seem as if they were ready for stripping. And the
more she thought about it, the warmer she felt, the more electric grew the
feeling that circled her breasts and centered below her stomach. It was crazy,
but she was going to do something stupid if she didn't get out of here, and do
it right now.
A
book slammed into position. A second one, four more. Up and down the rows, not
caring about the glares she received because she was making too much noise. Not
caring about the bindings or the bent pages of the squeaks the wheels on the
damned cart was making.
She
couldn't get out. She had to stay and be a good girl, and confound her
classmates until she had everyone who counted right where she wanted.
"Hey,
watch what you're doing!"
She
looked up and saw Fleet Robinson's freckled hand in the space where she'd
almost tried to jam a history book.
"Sorry."
"No
problem, okay?" Fleet winked at her through the gap in the books.
"You
going to the concert tonight?"
She
looked sideways at the librarian. "Hell, no."
"Neither
am I. You wanna see a flick?"
"Hell,
no."
He
shrugged, but she backed away in a hurry. The invitation had been given
pleasantly enough, but she could see Mandy's ghost still lingering in his eyes.
That's all he'd talk about, she knew it, and she wasn't about to waste an
evening playing earth mother confessor to a jockstrap in mourning.
She
backed up another step, saw Reefs eyes widen in warning, but it was too late. A
look around and down as she moved, and she stepped on Norman
Boyd's
toes.
"Oh
god," she groaned.
Norman
creased his brow. "It's an assassination attempt, is that right,
Miss
Snowden?"
"Mr.
Boyd . . ." She lifted her hands, shook her head, and he touched her
shoulder again before taking the book he wanted from the shelf and walking out,
this time glancing back to see her watching him, ready to cry. A grin, and he
strolled on to his office, not bothering with the fiction of scolding himself
this time--he had done it deliberately so he could see her reactions, so he
could feel the silk against his fingers.
All
perfectly legitimate, unless she was smarter than the credit he gave her.
Trouble,
Norm, he cautioned as he entered through the private door; there's trouble in
them thar hills if you ain't careful.
The
telephone rang, and in a moment he was on the line with Tom Verona, explaining
that his son was home on doctor's orders but seemed, all things considered,
almost back to normal. No, the boy hadn't said anything about the Howler, nor
had he mentioned any nightmares--though, he added, Tom didn't sound very good
himself. Verona told him he'd had a restless night. Boyd asked about the beer
they had promised themselves, and Verona agreed readily, suggesting tomorrow
night after the game, and vowing he'd find the principal somewhere in the
stadium when Norm said it sounded good to him. When they hung up without
good-byes, Norm frowned at the phone. The man sounded godawful, and he
instantly regretted the invitation--it may well be he was in for a night of
listening to another man's series of marital problems.
Wonderful,
he thought; just what I need when I can't handle my own.
Then
the bell rang, and the school emptied, and once all was done and the last
letter signed and dropped on his secretary's desk, he headed for home.
The
sun was nearly below the treetops, skeletal shadows cracking the pavement
before him, and he supposed there was no way he could get out of going to North
after dinner to listen to the program of the schools' vocal programs. He'd much
rather put his feet up in the den and watch a football game, or a movie on
cable, or go across the street to see John
Delfield
and tease that stupid dachshund and play a hand or four of cribbage.
Or
call up Chris and tell her to come on over and get fucked.
He
stopped at the foot of the walk, rubbed the back of a hand over his nose, and
saw the first of the night's stars pale above the house.
Trouble,
he warned again, and didn't quite not run when he heard the noise behind him,
something large and slow coming down the tarmac. It sounded like a horse, but
he wasn't going to look; for one reason, it was impossible; and for another, it
reminded him of the shadow in the puddle he had seen the other day.
Neither
one of them belonged; and neither one was friendly.
Adam
Hedley stared at the photocopies of the lab reports he had typed himself
yesterday morning, and realized with a groan that filled the house that he had
made an error. An inexcusable error. A careless error.
In
his entire life he had never made such a stupid misstep in procedure.
He
held the page up, letting the flickering beam from the projector fall on the
police form, ignoring for the moment the writhings and moans from the screen
he'd erected in his cellar and concentrated on the precise language he had
chosen for describing the condition of the club Donald
Boyd
had used to end a madman's mad life.
After
he had read it a fourth time, he slapped off the projector and hurried up the
stairs. There was no way around it; he would have to go to the station and see
if he could find Ronson or Verona, see if either would permit him to run the
tests again.
Buttoning
a salt-and-pepper overcoat to his neck, he stood on his porch and wrinkled his
nose before heading for his car. The stench was gone, but he still smelled it,
still felt it, and thought perhaps it was time to find another home.
He
would have to call the coroner's office too. If he'd made a mistake, they had
as well.
Then
he slid in behind the wheel, turned on the ignition, and looked down the street
for signs of oncoming traffic.
What
he saw was something standing in the middle of the road, down at the far
corner, just beyond the reach of the only streetlamp the local hooligans hadn't
shattered.
It
stood there, and it waited, and for no good reason he could think of,
Hedley
made a U-turn in the middle of the block and sped off the other way.
After
practice Brian lifted weights with Tar, Fleet, and a half-dozen others from the
team until long after the dinner hour, took a shower knowing Gabby D'Amato was
watching, and sprinted home because something was behind him, pacing him
silently and staying hidden in the dark.
Fleet
rode home in Tar's battered sedan, looking through the rear window so often,
Boston almost threw him out.
Jeff
made excuses for the weight session that afternoon. He knew Tar must have said
something to Brian about the other day, and he didn't want an Indian club
smacked between his legs. He did his homework, cleaned his room, and each time
he passed a window he couldn't help looking out, looking for something he knew
was out there, wondering if he should call Tracey and afraid to pick up the
phone.
His
father called and told him he'd be working late at the office, so he made his
own supper, with his back to the kitchen window.
And
when the dishes were done, he looked at the telephone and wiped his hands on
his jeans, took off his glasses and wiped them on his shirt.
It
was dumb.
But
he knew that if he lifted the receiver now, nothing would be there, not even a
dial tone.
Not
even static.
Only
a dead spot, like the dead black he saw in the street, something more than
shadow, something less than the night.
After
supper Tracey tried to call Don. The line was busy, and at a stern reminder of
the promise to herself, she set her mouth and shoulders and went downstairs to
fetch her coat from the closet. Her mother asked where she was going, and
Tracey told her; her father never stirred from his nap on the couch.
"Please," her mother said with a fearful look to the sleeping man,
"wait until he wakes up."
"I
have to go, Mother. It's something about school. Don has something I
need." She took her mother's wrist and smiled. "I need it for
tomorrow.
Don't
worry, I'll be all right."
"I
don't know. Maybe you should--"
"Mother,
the man is dead. Donald killed him. He's dead. I'll be all right, honest."
She
left before the pleading escalated to a command, and took the first three
blocks at a run in case her mother changed her mind. Then she stopped and
leaned against a tree, breathed deeply a half-dozen times, and shook her head
to clear it of the vertigo she felt.
There
wasn't much traffic though it was only just seven, yet it felt like past
midnight. The air had a feel to it, as if it were weary and hoping the sun
would soon give it warmth; the sidewalk felt crisp, with a veneer of ice that
cracked and shifted as she walked; and the streetlights were sparkling on their
way to the ground, white flecks of whirling mica that made her blink her eyes and
look away.
It
was cold; and it was silent.
Except
for the movement behind her.
He's
dead, she told herself as she quickened her pace; he's dead and Don killed him
and there's nobody back there.
She
looked suddenly; there wasn't.
Four
blocks to go and she would pretend to have a headache and Mr. Boyd or Don would
give her a ride home.
Dumb,
she thought as she stepped into the street; dumb, dumb, dumb. Why don't you
just go home and try to call him again? What are you gonna say, you were just
passing by? Seven blocks out of your way, and you were just passing by? Gee,
Don, I was wondering who you were going to the game with tomorrow. Jeffs
already asked me to wait for him after, but he understands if you ask and I go
with you. Just passing by, that's all.
She
angled to her left, toward the center of the block, intending to turn right at
the next corner and save herself a walk past the high school.
And
when she reached the center line, she heard the movement behind her again. And
the breathing--heavy, slow, something larger than a man moving slowly up on her
shadow.
It
was the school again, the same thing she had seen down in the lower hall. She
felt it without looking, and without looking began to run, mouth open to take the
ah-, arms pumping to propel her while she leapt over the curb and raced down
the sidewalk, listening to it follow her though it stayed in the street.
Rhythmic,
pounding, sounding so much like a horse that she had to chance it and take a
peek, and saw nothing but a huge shadow moving toward her along the road. A
gasp--it's a car without headlights, Trace, don't be an idiot--and she
whimpered, ran faster and heard the animal--it's a car! --match her speed.
A
second look and she stumbled.
Above
the black, in the black, there were two specks of green.
And
below it, and moving with it, a flare of green sparks.
Her
balance was regained by windmilling her arms and lifting her knees, and the
corner was too far away by fifty yards. She was going to be caught. Whoever was
chasing her was going to catch her, and she was going to die now because she
didn't die the other night.
She
was going to be murdered by a shadow with green eyes.
A
sob, please don't panic, and something sent her streaking across a lawn toward
an illuminated white door. Up three brick steps, and her finger found the bell,
slipped off, and found it again, pressed hard and long until the door swung
open and she bulled Jeff aside.
"Shut
it!" she demanded, and when he didn't move fast enough, she grabbed it and
slammed it and leaned against it, and closed her eyes.
"Trace?"
There
were narrow windows on either side of the frame. Jeff pulled aside a white
curtain, looked out, and frowned.
"Trace,
what's wrong? Was somebody chasing you?"
on set his desk chair so that he could look
out the window, angled it so he could appear to be studying in case someone
came in. Not that anyone would. Norman and Joyce were at the concert, and their
return would be loud enough to forewarn him should he need it. Now all he had
to do was sit and wait, and he got up only once, when the room's lamp turned
the pane black and all he could see was his ghost staring back. He hurried
downstairs and switched on the light over the back door, hurried back up and
dropped a towel over the lampshade. The backyard was white now, the grass
seeming flat, the trees like ragged gaps torn out of the night; there was a
wind blowing, a storm coming, and the houses on the next block were
infrequently silhouetted by distant flashes of lightning.
He
waited, and pondered the dreams, latching on to an image, turning it, poking at
it, casting it away for another until, shortly before nine, he concluded there
was nothing he could do about it--the horse was real.
And
not real. A creation out of something he didn't understand, though he knew that
because of what it had done to the Howler it was there to protect him.
Real.
And not real.
He
looked at his other friends, now tinted in orange from the towel over the bulb,
and back to the window.
The
horse was not going to let anyone hurt him.
The
how and the why of it would come later; right now he had to learn more. Real or
not, the horse was an animal, and he had to know more about what that animal
was, and what control, if any, he had over it, how it would fit into the new
Rules he was making.
His
lips moved in something less than a smile, and the doorbell rang. He jumped, a
hand flat on his chest. A swallow, an embarrassed glance around, and he rushed
downstairs, waited for the bell to ring again before pulling open the door.
It
was Sergeant Verona, hat in hand and an odd smile, asking to come in.
"Sure,"
Don said, stepping back and pointing to the living room. "Have a
seat."
There
were questions, and Don told him he was fine, still a little shaky but planning
on going back to school tomorrow. The press hadn't bothered him all night,
though he admitted that while it was kind of unsettling seeing himself on
television, it was also kind of nice.
"I
don't look like a freak," he said, taking his father's chair.
"You
think that? That you look like a freak?" Verona was on the couch, the hat
turning over slowly.
"No,
not really. Maybe I look like a movie star."
"Just
don't get used to it, son," the man said kindly. "Tomorrow there'll
be another murder someplace, or a factory fire, and they'll forget all about
you." "Good," he said. And: good, he thought, that's real good.
"My
mother and father are over at--"
"I
know. It's you I wanted to see anyway, if you don't mind. You're not studying
or anything?"
"A
little. It can wait."
"The
branch," Verona said.
Don
was puzzled. "The branch?"
"The
one you hit Falwick with."
Verona
stopped playing with the hat, looked down at one foot tapping on the rug,
looked up at Don. His hand slipped a handkerchief from his jacket pocket and
wiped it over his face, but Don saw the eyes--they never left him, never
blinked.
"This
is hard," the man confessed. "I don't know how to say this right, so
I'm just going to say it, okay?"
"Sure."
Don didn't care; he didn't know what the cop was talking about.
"I
keep thinking maybe you didn't do it," the man said rapidly, each word a
snap followed by a stare to measure his reaction. "I've had a chance to
take a look at the reports, and there's something wrong there,
Don.
Something wrong I have to get right in my own mind or it's gonna drive me up
the wall. You've had that, I'll bet. Something bugs you, and you don't understand
it, so you work at it and worry at it until it makes some kind of sense. Do you
know what I'm talking about?"
Don
did, and didn't; he knew the sensation, was emmeshed in it now, but didn't know
the reference.
"Falwick,"
Verona said. "I'm thinking you didn't hit him with that stick."
Don
frowned. "But I did," he said.
Verona
nodded as if expecting the answer. "What I'm thinking, you see, is that
you were there, all right. I mean, everything points to it, there's no question
about it. But I don't think you were alone."
Don
gripped the armrests tightly. "I was," he insisted politely.
"There was no one else, just me."
"No
Mends?"
"No
friends."
"I
wonder, see, if a few of you got together after your friend was killed and
decided to take matters into your own hands. It wouldn't be the first
time." Verona smiled guilelessly. "It's possible you were sent out
there as bait, and when Falwick jumped you, the others came out of the
trees." "No," Don whispered.
"It's
possible that after it was done, after you had beaten that old man to death and
saw what it looked like, they left you to take the rap, or the credit."
"No."
Verona
mopped his face again and put the handkerchief away, picked up his hat, and
flipped it several times as if flipping a coin.
"It's
good to protect your friends, Don. But," he said louder, when Don leaned
forward to protest, "it's not good to do what you did. It's murder, Don.
Planning and executing a scheme like that is murder in the first degree no
matter how old you are. That's the law. You're a good kid, a great kid, and
there's not a damned thing I can do about it now but tell you that I'm thinking
you're a murderer, you and your friends."
"I'll
tell my father," was all he could think of to say.
"Do
that," Verona said, standing and waving Don back in his seat. "Maybe
it'll reopen the case and we'll find out the truth."
He
left quickly, quietly, leaving Don in the chair staring at the fireplace,
tapping a foot on the floor. He thought maybe he was in trouble, but he didn't
know what kind. There was no evidence to implicate anyone else, certainly not
the stallion, and he would be laughed into the loony bin if he tried to explain
what really had happened.
His
eyes fluttered and closed.
There
was a sour taste in his mouth. Then his hands raised in fists high over his
head and he slammed them down on his legs, on the armrests, against his
forehead and staggered to the hearth where he kicked at the bricks.
They
were doing it again.
Jesus
Christ, now even the police were trying to take away something that belonged to
him. He whirled, his hands grasping for something to throw, found nothing, and
jammed into his pockets instead. Stiff-legged, he stalked across the room,
heading for the stairs as he tried to decide if it was worth crying over or
not. He certainly felt like it, and stabbed the back of his hand against his
eyes while he cautioned that he was feeling sorry for himself again. Nobody was
going to take anything away from anybody. Verona sure wasn't, because he had
nothing but a stupid suspicion that something smelled wrong about the death of
a killer. And Don wasn't stupid--he hadn't been so blinded by the attention
that he hadn't noticed how relieved everyone was that Falwick was dead. They
wouldn't want to resurrect him, not even his memory, just because a detective
didn't like being upstaged.
The
telephone rang as he hit the first step.
He
stared at it, wondering if it was a reporter, or someone for his parents. It
didn't occur to him until it rang a fourth time that it might be for him.
It
was.
It
was Tracey.
"Are
you okay?" was the first thing she said after he'd said hello.
"Sure."
He sat crosslegged on the floor, facing the kitchen door. "Why?"
"You
sound terrible!"
"Thanks,
I needed that." A voice in the background made him frown. "Is that
Jeff?" he asked flatly. "Is Jeff at your house?" "No,"
she said.
"I'm
here. At his place, I mean."
"Oh."
"Oh,"
she echoed in quite a different tone. "Why . . . why, Donald Boyd, are you
jealous?"
The
frown became a squint. "Who, me?"
She
laughed. "My god, I don't believe it."
He
didn't speak. He supposed she was right, and the way she laughed hinted that
perhaps he had nothing to be jealous about; but that still didn't explain why
she was over there and not over here. When he asked her, there was a pause and
he squinted again, at the door.
Then
he blinked slowly. Through the dark in the kitchen he thought he saw faint
pinpricks of green light.
Tracey
said something. He blinked again and asked her to repeat it.
"Someone
was after me," she said at last.
"What?"
He sat up, nearly pulling the cord straight.
"If
you want to know the truth, Vet, I was on my way over to your house, when
someone started to chase me. I don't know who it was, but he scared the hell
out of me, and Jeffs was the first place I came to."
Through
the panes in the door--a faint glow of white.
"Who
was it?" he demanded, hoping he sounded as concerned as he felt as he
slowly moved to his knees and stared down the hall.
White
light, shifting like fog.
"I
told you, I don't know. Jeff went out to look around, but he didn't see
anyone." She paused. "I don't know. Maybe it was my imagination."
"Probably."
Oh, my god, he thought. "Who else is out there but Pratt, y'know?"
Her
laugh this time was a bit forced. "I suppose. He's really pissed at you,
you know."
"So
I heard."
A
muffled thump on the door.
"Really?"
"Sure."
His voice sounded as if he were speaking from the moon; he was amazed she
hadn't noticed. "Chris told me when she came to the hospital."
"Oh?"
Now
it was his turn, and he wondered what he had done that rewarded him with two
girls at the same time.
Then
her voice jsoftened, and he had to strain to hear her say, "I'm proud of
you, Don. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't get the chance at the
park."
"Yeah,
well ..."
Another
thump, and in the white glow two green slanted eyes.
"I'd
still like to come over, if I can."
"What?"
He was on his feet, teeth worrying his lower lip. "I'm sorry,
Trace,
what did you say."
"Don,
I want to come over. I... I need you."
White
light green eyes "I'd like that too," he stammered. "But it'll
have to wait, okay? The dragons just came home. I'm supposed to be
resting."
"What?
Are you all right?" "I told you I was. I'm just. . ."He thought
about it then, the chance to talk to someone about what he had seen, what he
was believing, what he was hoping wasn't the slipping of his mind.
The
door trembled, and he closed his eyes and silently begged Tracey to forgive
him.
"Look,"
he said, "can I see you in school tomorrow?"
"Sure.
Lunch?"
"Okay."
"Jeff
wants to know if you're going to the game." Off, he thought then; get the
hell off the phone!
"I
don't know. I guess so. It depends on my mother, I think. I have to--" He
saw the light fading, the green disappear. "Shit, here they come. I gotta
go." "Lunch," she said, and he slammed down the receiver before
she could say good-bye, and raced into the kitchen.
He
wanted to throw open the door, to step out boldly, but he hesitated, hands
nibbing his legs, his teeth still at his lip. To go out there, now, would mean
he really was crazy; to look into an empty yard would mean . . .
His
eyes shut. His hands clenched. His breath came in shallow gulps.
And
he opened the door.
"Oh
Jesus," he whispered. "Oh . . . Jesus."
It
stood back under the maple tree, mottled by shadow, outlined now and again by
the distant flare of lightning. But he couldn't see the whole of it, couldn't
see it in detail--it was blacker than the night around it, and only portions of
its skin gleamed and rippled when it moved.
He
pressed a hand to his head as if checking for a fever, then stepped down off
the stoop.
The
horse bobbed its head, green eyes watching.
He
could barely breathe; the air was too still, and his legs felt ready to
collapse as he moved across the grass.
Green
eyes. Watching.
He
wanted to smile then, or to scream, but he only held out his. hand, palm up, as
he walked, hoping the stallion wouldn't smell his fear, would know instead his
wonder at the size of it, the breadth of it, the way it turned its head and
looked at him with a single flaring eye.
It
backed away, snorting, and sending plumes of grey about its head.
"It's
me," he said softly. "It's me, fella, it's me."
The
horse shifted, and there was greenfire curling around the maple's trunk,
greenfire that crackled and scorched a black ribbon in the bark.
Don
stopped, swallowed, reached his hand out again and took a single step forward.
He was less than five feet from its nose, and he wanted desperately to feel the
velvet, feel the flesh and the bone. But when he moved another foot, it tossed
its head and in its throat started a low sustained rumbling.
"All
right," he said calmly. "All right, take it easy."
Please,
God, he thought; please, God, am I crazy?
The
horse watched him carefully, greysmoke and greenfire for almost a full minute,
then lowered its great head and pushed at Don's arm, pushed him back and
followed until Don could reach up and stroke the silk of its mane, the black
satin of its neck. Real flesh warm and cold at the same time; muscles jumping,
a foreleg shifting, and he wasn't ashamed when he felt the tears building, felt
them spilling, heard them splashing though he knew it couldn't be.
He
hadn't killed the Howler; this creature had, this beast that was his friend.
"Why?"
he whispered then. "Why are they like that?"
The
horse retreated again, and left him standing alone.
He
sniffed, and wiped his eyes with a sleeve that felt like coarse burlap on his
skin.
"They
won't stop, y'know? They keep coming at me, they won't leave me alone. I'm not
Sam, I'm not special. I'm just me, and they won't . . ."
He
stopped, bowed his head, wiped his eyes again. "I just wish I knew what
I'm doing wrong, you know? If they'd only tell me what I'm doing wrong, maybe
the Rules wouldn't change so much, maybe I'd know then what was going on."
He
felt it then, out there in the cold--the stallion was listening--every word he
said, every tear he shed was marked by the emerald eyes and the pricking of its
ears.
He
wanted to ask why they wouldn't even let him be a hero, just this once; he
wanted to ask why he couldn't cry, why he couldn't get mad, why the Rules said
he had to be like stone or wood; and he wanted to ask why they couldn't make up
their minds to let him be a kid, or a man. But he didn't, because he knew that
the horse already understood, and that he was right--it was there, really
there, and it was going to protect him.
He
grinned through his tears.
The
stallion snorted and buried them in grey smoke, snorted again, and blew the
smoke away.
"It's
true," he said in the midst of a loud sigh. "It's true, you're my
friend." He laughed once, softly. "Oh god, it's really true!"
He
stretched out a hand to stroke its muzzle, to seal the bargain, and froze when
the animal began its throated rumbling. It backed away. He started to follow,
and nearly bolted for the house when it reared under the tree, snapping
branches, casting dead leaves, greenfire and greeneyes and slashing hooves at
the air.
Headlights
flared around the corner of the house.
Oh
shit, he thought; damnit, they're home.
The
horse lowered its head, eyes dark now, its tail slapping its legs.
"All
right," he said nervously. "All right, I gotta go now."
The
horse didn't move.
He
backed toward the kitchen door, wanting to laugh, wanting to shout, wanting to
race around to the driveway and drag his father .back, to show him, to show him
what his son could do.
With
one hand on the doorknob he looked over his shoulder, couldn't find his friend
until he found the green eyes. "Please," he said. "Please."
And
ran inside, skidding to a halt in the foyer just as he heard a key rattle in
the lock and could hear his parents on the porch, talking loudly, not quite
arguing. He turned toward the stairs to make it seem as if he were just going
up, when his mother stormed in, slamming the door back against the wall as she
charged past him toward the kitchen.
His
father was right behind her, slower, his jacket over one shoulder and his face
pale.
"What
are you doing up?" he snapped, and didn't wait for an answer. He jabbed a
commanding finger toward the stairwell and followed his wife.
I'm
fine, Don thought as he started up the stairs; thanks for asking,
I'm
fine.
"I
will not have it!" Joyce said loudly, and he stopped on the landing.
"Keep
your voice down! The boy'll hear."
A
laugh, short and bitter. "Hear what? I'm not an animal and I'm not
stuffed. What makes you think he'll hear me?"
"Jesus,
you're crazy, you know that?"
She
laughed again, and Don squatted, one hand on the banister in case he had to
move fast.
Cupboard
doors slammed, cups cracked into saucers, the faucet ran so long she could have
filled the bathtub. When the water was shut off, his father was laughing.
"Honest
to Christ, you're something else, you know that? You really are something
else." "Well, really," Joyce said. "All they did was ask
you to stand up and take a bow, and you were waving your arms like a goddamned
politician! Christ, I thought you were going to kiss babies next."
'
'Wouldn't have been a bad idea."
A
chair scraped; another was slammed down on the floor.
"All
right," Norman said wearily. "All right, I'm sorry."
"Sorry
is too late. You and the boy have been upstaging and hassling me since this
thing began, and I've had it! I worked my ass off so you'd look good, and this
is the thanks I get."
"Me?"
A muffled sound--Norman either laughing into a hand or trying not to choke.
"God, the next thing is you'll be accusing me of sending Don out there
myself to kill that crazy bastard."
"I
wouldn't put it past you."
The
silence was cold, and Don wrapped his free arm over his chest.
"That
was a shitty thing to say, Joyce."
The
silence again.
"I
know," she said at last, but without apology in her voice. "I . .
."
She
began to cry and Norman cursed, and the water began running again.
Don
didn't wait to hear any more. He climbed slowly up the rest of the stairs,
shuffled down the hall, and pushed open his bedroom door. He yanked the towel
off the lampshade and dropped it on his desk. His shoes were kicked under the
bed, his shirt dropped onto the floor. For a moment he stood at the window,
looking down at the tree. There was nothing there, the horse was gone, but he
no longer questioned the state of his mind.
When
he finally dropped onto the mattress, he deliberately fell back so his head
would hit the wall. Maybe they'll hear it, he thought; maybe they'll think I've
had a relapse or something, and they'll come running up and see what's wrong.
Or,
he thought, they'll call the papers first, and then come up to see if I'm dead.
And
maybe, he thought with a cold, mirthless grin, I'll take them both outside and
show them my new pet.
He
lay there for nearly an hour before he blinked and saw his father standing in
the doorway.
"You
okay, son?"
"Sure.
Just thinking."
"You'd
better turn out the light. School isn't going to be exactly normal for you
tomorrow."
He
nodded and swung his feet over the side. "Dad?"
Norman
stiffened, and raised his eyebrows.
"Do
you think--"
A
sudden, faint shattering of glass stopped him, had him on his feet and beside
his father in the hallway. Joyce came out of their bedroom, a robe wrapped
loosely around her.
"What?"
she said nervously.
Another
shattering, and the sound of heavy blows on something metal.
"Damn,
the car!" Norman said, and ran for the stairs, Don just behind though his
mother called to him to stay where he was. The front door was locked, and
Norman fumbled with the bolt before flinging it open and switching on the porch
light. Don crowded out past him, not feeling the snap of cold air on his bare
chest. The bulb was directly over his head, and he shaded his eyes, scanning
the lawn before looking to the driveway.
"Oh,
god," he whispered.
Norman
shoved him aside and leapt over the stairs, hit the walk at a run, and didn't
stop until he came up against the station wagon's front fender. The windshield
was smashed, there was a dent in the hood, and lying on the blacktop just under
the bumper was Don's bike--the handlebars twisted out of place, the front wheel
broken, half of its spokes wavering like antennae where they'd been snapped
from their places along the rim.
Norman
whirled and raced around the side of the house, but Don only stumbled to the
driveway and knelt beside the bike, one hand reaching out to touch it,
withdraw, touch it again and follow the lines of its destruction. When he
shifted and leaned over to stare at the back wheel the glint of metal made him
pause, made him reach out and pull a red leather key case wedged beneath the
battered frame.
"Don?"
his mother called from the doorway. "Are you all right?"
"Fine," he said dully, slipped the case into his pocket, and heard
her gasp when she saw the damage.
"Oh
Jesus, my god, look at that," she said just as Norman appeared around the
far side of the house, panting heavily, one palm massaging hard at his side.
She held out a trembling hand, and he took it, pulled her to him and glared at
the empty street. "Who?" she asked.
"How
the hell should I know?" he said. "Damn, that's going to cost a
fortune to fix."
Joyce
took a step to one side, the glass crunched under her slipper.
"I'll
get a broom," she said. "We can't have that stuff lying around.
It's
dangerous. Someone'll get hurt."
"Sure."
"Look,
you'd better call the police. Don? Get the broom from the garage, will you?
Help me here."
Don
looked over his shoulder. Neither of them were looking at him--Norman was
staring at the depression in the hood and absently rubbing his wife's back;
Joyce was trying to smooth the hair from her eyes. And when she finally saw him
looking, she pointed to the garage, then turned Norman around and pushed him
gently toward the house.
Don
rose, dusted off his jeans, and reached down to grab the handlebars, to drag
the bike away.
"Leave
it," Joyce said. "There might be fingerprints or something."
He
straightened and fetched the broom, handed it to her and returned inside, where
he listened to his father explaining to the police what had happened. When he
rang off, he told Don to put on a shirt before the cops arrived. You never
know, he said. There might still be some reporters hanging around, and when
they got wind of this, it would be circus time again.
"Damn,"
he said as he headed out the door. "With my luck, it'll probably rain
tomorrow."
The
police came and went in less than an hour. They made a decent show of searching
the yard, but they found nothing, not a clue, and explained to the Boyds that
in cases like this there was nothing much they'd be able to do if no one saw
anything or offered information. No one came out to watch because the patrol
car had arrived without its lights spinning; no one overheard the conversations
because Joyce kept them speaking low, or whispering. And they asked Don nothing
at all when Norman told them the boy was with him, inside, when the incident
occurred.
After
they left, Don dragged the bicycle into a corner of the garage and stared out
at the street, at his father using a small brush to get the glass from the
front seat. Joyce was inside, making coffee.
A
press of a button and the garage door lowered. Norman looked up and gave his
son a rueful smile. "You win some, you lose some, right?" he said.
"Sorry about the bike."
"Yeah."
Don
shivered at a gust of wind and turned to go inside, and stopped when he saw
something white fluttering in the shrubs that fronted the house and ended at
the drive. He leaned close, closer, and picked a feather from a branch.
"Dad?"
Norman
grunted.
He
found another one at the bush's side, two more on the ground. "Hey,
Dad?"
"In
a minute, okay? I don't want to slice my thumb off on this stuff."
He
parted the branches, and his mouth opened in a silent gasp.
There,
on the ground under the bush was the body of a bird, its neck twisted around,
its eyes closed, its feathers covered with blood.
"Dad,
look!"
Norman
pushed him aside with a hip and knelt down, gagged when he saw the mutilation,
and poked at it with his toe.
"Jesus,"
he said. "It's a goddamned duck." autiful, thought Tar as he watched
Mr. Boyd shovel the remains of the dead bird and dump them with his face
averted into a plastic garbage bag. Don was in the driveway, hands in his
pockets and staring out at the street. For a moment Tar thought the Duck had
seen him, but no alarm was given. He heard the rattle of a garbage can lid
being slammed into place, then the principal came out of the garage and put his
arm around the Duck's shoulders. They went into the house like that, the door
slammed, and the porch light went out.
"Excellent,"
Tar whispered, crouched low and bouncing on the balls of his feet.
"Beautiful."
He
had run behind the empty tool shed in old man Delfield's backyard when the cops
finally came around, wedging himself between a stack of empty orange crates and
the rear wall. They weren't looking very hard, missed him, and after he was
sure they weren't coming back, he snuck around the side of the house and
dropped into the corner of the front yard, protected by the hedges and a
twisted oak at the curb. From mere he had been able to watch everything, sorry
only that he couldn't hear what the two bastards were saying.
He
waited another five minutes, licking his lips and grinning, before bulling
through the hedge into the adjoining driveway. He walked slowly in case someone
was watching, the baseball bat held tight against his leg, his football jacket
turned inside out. As soon as he reached the corner, he slipped the bat into
the storm drain and reversed the coat, then broke into a high-stepping run,
mouth open in a silent laugh. He couldn't wait to get home and call Brian,
couldn't wait to let the asshole know that Tar Boston was not just a stupid
jock.
School
Street was empty, and the pavement sounded like thin ice beneath his sneakers.
By the time he reached the next corner he could feel the cut of the night air
against his cheeks and in his lungs, and he sniffed to keep his nose from
running. Now he wished he had the car, the ten-year-old junkpile his old man
had bought for him on his last birthday. It barely ran, when it bothered to run
at all, but the heater still worked and he could use it now.
Or
the relative luxury of Pratt's automobile.
He
slowed and scowled. Stupid jock--that's what Pratt had called him at practice
today--stupid jock, get the fuck outta my way before I run you down. There was
a bug up his ass, that's for sure, because he hardly said two words to him and
Fleet the whole time, even when they were doing weights after the coach had
left. Like he was mad or something, and Tar hadn't been able to get him to tell
him what was the matter.
Fleet
was almost as bad, but different. That jerk acted like he was running from the
cops or something, the way he kept looking around on the way home. Tar had
gotten so damned nervous he almost sideswiped a bus.
But
Fleet wouldn't say anything either.
And
it wasn't until Tar was home and eating supper that he had the idea that would
even the score between himself and the Duck for accusing him and Pratt of
dumping that shit on Medley's porch. A truly fantastic idea. A blow at the
fucking principal and at the Duck at the same time.
Stunning.
And it would shut Pratt up about how Tar must've blown it when the Duck didn't
get the blame the way it was planned. The idea for the dead bird came as he
passed a butcher shop on the way home and saw a goose in the window. From there
it was a simple matter of stopping at a friend's house, a friend who had two
little brothers who kept four ducks in a pen in the backyard. He didn't even
have to look at the bird; he'd clobbered it with a stick while it struggled in
the burlap bag he'd dropped over its head; then he'd wrung its neck. Not a
speck of blood on him. Even when he dropped it into the bushes he didn't look.
Didn't have to. Didn't even care if the Boyds found it that night or the next
morning.
He
picked up the pace, racing for the goal line with Pratt the jerk blocking in
front of him.
The
hard part was getting the car. He knew he would have time for only a few good
blows before somebody heard him, and after he'd taken care of the bike, he took
them standing on the hood. He pretended the windshield was Boyd's face, that
the hood was the Duck's chest, and it had been beautiful! And a shame that
Brian couldn't be there. But he was acting like an asshole, like the minute
after the game the pros were going to carry him away to the Super Bowl on their
goddamned shoulders, for
Christ's
sake.
He
rounded another corner and headed for home, taking in air in deep, satisfying
gulps. It was going to be like this tomorrow night. He was going to take North
apart, and those fuckers wouldn't know what hit mem.
It
was going to be excellent, and Brian was going to have to show him respect.
Absolutely.
Something
moved behind him.
He
turned and walked backward a few steps, seeing nothing but the empty sidewalk,
the porch lights hazed in the crisp air, the cars at the curb silent and black.
He turned again and groaned when he saw a battered pickup in the driveway,
blocking his own car--his old man was home early from the factory tonight. That
meant he was going to have to put up with the back-slapping and the jabbing and
the reminders of how the old fart had been a star in his day, the best
quarterback in the state and don't you forget it, boy, when I give you the best
goddamned advice you ever had in your life. The trouble was, it's been twenty
years since they played the way his old man did, and the jerk didn't know it.
He didn't know why his mother put up with it, and him, all these years. He sure
as hell wasn't going to. As soon as he had that diploma in hand, he was gone. Out
of that house and out of this town and out of this whole goddamned state if he
could.
Something
moved.
Shit,
he thought, angry at the way his good mood could be shattered by the simple
thought of his father. Shit!
He
looked over his shoulder, his expression daring anyone to say something, to do
something, even to breathe wrong tonight. And he walked past his house with his
head down and averted, spitting at the pickup, zipping up his jacket and
jamming his hands into his pockets. Fuck it, he would walk over to Brian's
instead of calling. The story would be better anyway, with him doing the
telling in person.
Something
. . .
He
stopped at the boulevard, looked up and down the avenue, and then whirled
around, fists at the ready.
There
was nothing there.
But
something was moving.
"Yo!"
he said loudly.
A
porch light blinked out, and he could see his breath feathering out of his
mouth.
With
his head tilted slightly to one side, he stepped off the curb and looked
curiously down the block, under the trees that reached over the blacktop and
created a tunnel almost solidly black. He tried to bring to mind a picture of
Don's stricken face when he found the dead bird, when he discovered the bike,
because suddenly and inexplicably anything would be better than seeing into
that dark. But all he could see was the broken and faded white line stretching
into the night, and something in the middle moving toward him without a sound.
"Yo,
stupid!" he called.
Only
one streetlamp worked, and his ga/e kept moving toward its light where it
caught the front end of a car and the lip of a driveway.
"Asshole,"
he muttered, and turned away, but didn't move. He was suddenly indecisive.
Beacher's was already closed, and the idea of going to Brian's didn't seem as
much fun as he'd thought. But he couldn't go home. Not yet. Not until his old
man had had his beers and was asleep on the couch and his mother had already
finished the dishes. Then he'd be able to kiss her goodnight and go to bed, get
some sleep. Tomorrow, as the coach kept reminding them, was the Big Day, as if
they didn't know it, and he supposed he might as well get all the rest he
could.
Tomorrow,
he was going to be a hero, and the hell with Brian Pratt.
Then
he heard something move and he whirled again, and took a deep breath, holding
it until John Delfield's fat dachshund waddled into the light.
Don
stood in the shower, oblivious to the hot water turning his skin pink. Slowly
he pulled the plastic curtain aside and stared again at the jeans lying beside
the wicker laundry basket. A bit of red leather poked out from one pocket. His
hand released the curtain and it rattled closed, and the steam rose to cover
his face while he tried to understand what was going on. He knew who the keys
belonged to. He knew what he should have done the second he had found them. Yet
he'd put them in his pocket and had said nothing, hadn't heard a word his
father had said about whoever had committed that atrocity, hadn't felt a thing
except a slow roll of nausea he only just managed to keep down.
Norman
had suggested they not mention it to his mother; she was upset enough about the
car, and they needn't bother her with this. He hinted about Brian, about Tar,
even about Fleet, and there was something in his voice that made Don stare at
him for a second--a realization mat Norman didn't like kids.
It
wasn't just the troublemakers, the snobs, the ones with influential parents who
made being a principal a vicious sort of hell--it was kids, period. And he
remembered his father saying once that he wished all children could be born
adults, without the parents having to do anything but show them the front door.
Don had thought it a joke then; now he knew, perhaps more than Norman did, that
it wasn't a joke at all.
That,
more than anything, had stopped him from fixing the blame. His father, in the
mood he was in now, would have gone over to the Bostons and had Tar
arrested--after he had slammed him a few times into a wall.
Because
of the car; you win some, you lose some was the only epitaph for the bike.
He
backed out of the spray and wiped the water from his face, sat on the cool edge
of the tub with his hands dangling between his knees. Tracey was right; but it
wasn't just Brian who was jealous, it was Tar as well.
He
doubted that Pratt had put his friend up to it tonight, because it wasn't
Brian's style. But he guessed that Brian had said something today to give Tar
the idea that something had to be done to put Don in his place, retaliation for
being called into his father's office.
He
moved the curtain again and looked at the key case, and he smiled.
There
was power of some kind in that bit of cheap dime store leather. He knew it, and
now all he had to do was figure out how to use it.
The
simplest thing would be to threaten to show it to his father. And if that
didn't work, he could bring it to the police. Tar would protest, of course, and
claim that he'd lost it or something, but there'd be enough hassle, enough
problems, that--
"He'll
beat the shit out of you."
The
words were soft in the room's steamy fog, but harsh enough to make him sigh.
Someone
rapped on the door, and he turned off the shower, grabbed a towel and wrapped
it around his waist. His mother called, and he yelled back, telling her he'd be
only a few minutes more. And when he was dry, he held the jeans to his waist
and slipped into the hall. A light was still on in his parents' room. The
downstairs was dark. Shivering at the shock of cool air on his skin, he hurried
into his own room and closed the door behind him, dropped the jeans where he
stood and dropped onto the bed.
A
few minutes later he stirred, stood, and padded to the window.
The
backyard was empty.
All
right, he thought to his friend in the dark, now that I know you're there, what
do we do next?
"Stupid
mutt," Tar said. He approached the dog with one hand out and waving. The
fat old thing had gotten out again, probably through the flap Delfield had put
in the back door of his house. Sometimes the old man forgot to latch it at
night, and the dog would spend hours roaming the neighborhood, getting at
garbage cans, digging up flower beds, until someone spotted it and brought it
back. Tar had always ignored it before. The last time, however, he'd been
pissed on beer and grabbed it up and took it back himself before he knew what
he was doing. Delfield had given him ten bucks for the trouble. Crazy. Just
like the dog.
But
hell, he thought as he bent into a crouch, ten bucks is ten bucks.
"C'mon,
stupid," he said in a pleasant voice. "C'mon to Tar or I'll cut your
head off."
The
dachshund recognized his voice and stopped in the middle of the streetlamp's
fall, its rat's tail wagging furiously, its tongue lolling from the side of its
mouth.
"C'mon,
baby, come to Tar."
The
dog sat on its haunches.
"Ah,
Jesus."
He
straightened and took a step forward, and stopped when he saw a shadow on the
other side of the light.
The
dog yipped once and jumped to its feet, its head down now, its tail snaking
contritely between its legs.
Tar
squinted and moved to his right toward the middle of the road, snapping his
fingers in an effort to bring the dog to him while he tried to make out who was
standing there in the road.
The
wind rose.
A
trailer truck coughed and thundered down the boulevard behind him.
Then
a hand swooped into the light and snatched up the dog, and John
Delfield
followed, shaking the animal lightly before hugging it to his side. <
"Foolish
beast," he said with a slight German accent, and smiled at Tar.
"You
try to catch him for me?"
Tar
nodded, wondering what in hell was wrong with his heart that it wouldn't stop
pounding. Hell, it was only old man Delfield and who the hell was scared of
him?
The
dachshund squirmed in the man's grasp, but Delfield managed to reach into a hip
pocket and pull out his wallet, finger out a bill. "Take it," he
insisted when Tar protested with a wave. "You try. That's good as
doing."
Tar
accepted the money with a nod and a smile, and watched him waddle off around
the corner. Crazy, he thought; the two of them are goddamn crazy. Then he raked
a hand through his hair and decided to drive over to Pratt's anyway. Walking
now was out of the question. He reached for his keys, and couldn't find them.
"What
the ... ?"
He
slapped at his pockets, turned them all out, then rolled his eyes skyward and
slammed the heel of his hand against a temple. "Fuck. Jesus
.
. . fuck!"
They
must have fallen out at Boyd's while he was doing the station wagon. Christ,
all he needed now was for someone to pick them up and his ass was grass. Damn,
he had to go back and find those stupid keys. He started for the curb, and
stopped again.
Down
at the end of the block, barely lit by the streetlamps on School
Street,
something was standing. And watching.
Delfield,
he thought; the stupid dog must've gotten away again and the old man was out
prowling.
It
moved, then, out of the light, into the dark, and Tar heard the distinct sound
of something breathing. Something large, and breathing heavily.
He
half-turned toward the boulevard, and swiveled his head back slowly.
He
was mistaken; it wasn't Delfield and it wasn't his imagination.
It
was there, and it was darker than the shadows, moving slowly toward him
straight down the white line. He could hear it breathing, snorting once, and
could hear the sound of something hard striking the blacktop, rhythmically,
steadily, and unless he was as crazy as Delfield, it sounded just like a horse.
He
blinked and took a side-step toward the avenue.
He
shuddered, unable to shake the feeling that whatever it was, it was coming for
him, not toward him. That was stupid. It was all stupid.
There
were no horses in Ashford, and it was only Delfield for god's sake looking for
his stupid fat dog.
Closer
to the light, and he saw a glint of dark green hovering in the air; two of them
now, and a long second passed before he realized they were eyes. Green eyes.
Large, and slanted, and staring right at him.
The
streetlight didn't reach to the middle of the blacktop, but when it passed the
white on the ground, Tar could see a massive black flank, and the side of a
massive head. One green eye flaring. A flash of long white teeth.
And
steam, maybe smoke, drifting from its nostrils.
"Shit,"
he said, and started to trot away. He didn't know what it was, but he wasn't
going to hang around long enough to find out. He'd go somewhere else. Maybe
Brian would know.
The
sound picked up speed, and when he reached the middle of the empty boulevard,
he looked over his shoulder and saw it.
Running,
forelegs high, hooves casting greenfire and greeneyes dark with hate.
The
hope it might have been some sort of joke, Don getting back at him for the dead
bird and the bike, faded to an ember. And something inside told him he was
dying.
Running,
galloping, and seemingly moving in slow motion.
He
broke into a panicked sprint, slanting across the avenue toward the inlands in
the center, leaping the curb and ducking around the trees, the bushes, toward
the center of town. Sooner or later he'd see a car, the cops, and everything
would be all right.
Don't
look; and he did.
It
was pacing him ten yards behind, fully visible now and terrifyingly huge. Green
eyes staring, greenfire snapping, the steam from its nostrils raising a cloud
that it moved through, an ebony ghost flying through the boiling fog.
Tar
whimpered and ran harder, leaping over a fallen branch, plowing through a bush
he couldn't swerve around in time. He stumbled and grabbed a tree trunk, spun
around, and ran again.
Hooves
on the blacktop, iron striking iron.
A
U-turn break in the island surprised him, and he fell shouting to the street,
the skin on his palms scraping onto the tarmac, one cheek slamming down and
bringing tears to his eyes. He lay for several seconds gulping air, wondering
where all the traffic was, the people, why couldn't anyone see what was going
on? He swallowed and tasted blood; he pushed himself to his knees and staggered
to his feet.
A
snorting; he spun around, and it was standing right behind him.
Tar
screamed for his father.
And
the stallion reared in a cloud of greenfire and white.
The
telephone rang, and Tracey hurried into the kitchen to grab it before it woke
her mother or one of her nosey sisters. She hadn't been able to sleep, had come
downstairs to do some studying, which she knew would make her tired sooner or
later. A knee banged against a chair and she swore as she yanked the handset
off the cradle, taking a moment before saying hello.
"Trace?"
"Don?"
She rumbled for the chair and sat down in the dark.
"You
awake?"
"Yeah,
sure." She tried to see the wall clock in the dark, but there was only
enough light from the front room to tell her it was close to midnight; how
close she couldn't tell.
"No,
you weren't. I woke you. I'm sorry." "I wasn't asleep, Vet," she
said almost angrily. "I was studying." She inhaled slowly and rubbed
a knuckle across her eyes. "What's the matter, something wrong?"
"Why
should anything be wrong?"
"Well,
it's nearly twelve on a school night for one thing. And you're whispering for
another."
"So
are you."
"I
don't want to get killed."
"Neither
do I."
She
pushed the chair closer to the doorway so she could see the front door. Her
father was due back from his shift any minute now, and she didn't want him
catching her on the phone. After wriggling back on the seat, she brought up her
legs to sit Indian fashion, holding on to one ankle with her free hand.
"Don, what's up? You want me to elope or something?"
He
laughed, and she was glad to hear it; she hadn't heard much of that lately and
it made her feel good. "C'mon, hero, what's the occasion?"
She
listened without comment then as he told her about the car, and the dead bird
mangled in his front yard. And when he told her about finding
Boston's
car keys under the bike's wheel, she groaned. "What a jerk," she
said. "What a stupid jerk." When Don agreed, she asked what he was
going to do.
"I
don't know. I thought I was going to let him know I knew and maybe he'd get off
my case. But I figure he'd deny it, then rearrange my face for the
parade."
"God,;what
a mess." He said nothing, and her eyes narrowed. This wasn't it, she
thought; this isn't why he's calling.
"Tracey?"
"Still
here, hero."
A
pause. "I like 'Vet' better."
She
frowned now. "Sure. Okay."
"Trace,
this may sound dumb, but have you ever made a wish?"
Have
I ever, she thought, and what's wrong with you, Don?
"Sure
I have," she said. "Every year on my birthday I blow my lungs out for
a zillion bucks and a mansion in Beverly Hills. Doesn't everybody?"
"You
ever wish on a star?"
"What
is this? Hey, are you trying to get me to do a term paper for you or something?
Is that what this is? Are you taking a survey?"
"Tracey,
please."
She
heard it then, and she didn't believe it. Because they were both whispering, it
had been difficult to tell, but the moment she recognized it, she knew it was
true--Don was afraid of something, and it wasn't Tar
Boston.
"Okay,"
she said slowly. "Yeah, I do now and then." She laughed. "Silly,
isn't it?"
"Do
they ever come true? Your wishes, I mean."
"Don
... no. I mean, I don't think they do. Not like they were magic, anyway. You
wish for something hard enough and it comes true? No. You work at it and make
the wishes come true yourself, if you know what I mean."
"God."
"Hey,
Vet, would you please tell me what this is all about?"
"Tracey--"
A
key rattled in the front door, and Tracey quickly told Don her father was home,
she'd see him tomorrow in school. She hung up and had the chair back in place
just as her father walked in the door. When he demanded to know why she was up
so late, she pointed to her books in the living room and explained that she
hadn't been able to sleep and, she added when she saw the expression on his
face, what was wrong, was he hurt?
"No,"
he said wearily. "A hit-and-run just before I left."
"Oh,
god, no." A closer look, then, and she bit down on her lower lip.
"It
was somebody I know, wasn't it?"
He
shrugged. "I don't know."
"Father."
He
made his way toward the kitchen, but she stopped him with a hand on his arm.
"Father?"
"Please,
child, go to bed."
"What?"
she insisted. "It was as if someone had run him down, then kept backing
over him. Again and again. He's so mangled we don't know who he is yet."
The
day wasn't as bad as he feared it would be. With all classes cut by twenty
minutes, the lessons were either uselessly short or not given at all. He spent
then as much time as he could looking for Tracey, but the only time he saw her,
martial and uncomfortable in her red-and-black band uniform, she was with a
group of her girlfriends. When she spotted him, she mouthed an incomprehensible
message to which he shrugged his ignorance and moved on before the late bell
rang.
Brian
stayed away, once deliberately ducking into the wrong classroom just to avoid
him. Don saw it and grinned, thinking some good might come of this medal stuff
after all.
But
study hall was strange. He sat in his usual place and flipped through his
zoology textbook, trying to discover what the stallion had in common with the
real world. After five minutes, however, he felt someone watching him. By then
he had almost grown used to it--the students in the hall inspecting him slyly,
some outright staring, some of them hesitant as if they wanted to reach out and
squeeze his muscles or take off his shirt, anything to discover the secret of
the strength that had pummeled the Howler into the ground.
But
this was different. From the others he could feel envy and disbelief and a fair
dose of new respect; from this there was something he couldn't name at all.
He
looked up and around. The rest were either reading or talking softly among
themselves. None of the football team were there; they were down in the gym
getting ready for the rally. Then his gaze took in the front of the room.
It
was Mr. Hedley. He was sitting behind the desk with his fingers folded under
his chin, and he was staring at him. Boldly. Without apology.
Don
looked down quickly and turned a page, another, and glanced up without raising
his head.
Hedley
was still watching, and suddenly Don felt as if he were squeezed into one of
the teacher's test tubes, forever floating in a solution, forever exposed for
inspection before being dumped down the drain.
He
swallowed, flipped back a few pages, flipped them forward, and forced himself
to read paragraphs at random, none of the words filtering through, none of the
illustrations registering. And when he looked up a third time and saw the .man
still watching, the skin across the back of his shoulders began to tighten and
he found it increasingly difficult to breathe.
He
knows, Don thought, and blinked the idea.
No.
Nobody knows. He can't know.
He
squirmed and turned to look out the high windows at the clouds massing on the
horizon, seeming blacker and higher because of the intense clarity of the near
sky still untouched by the coming storm. It made the roofs of the houses below
the stadium more sharp-edged and less dingy, made the gridiron more brilliant,
and added vibrancy to the colors of everything he saw. It was odd, that light,
as if it were artificial; he focused on the stadium's rear wall and the first
houses behind it, thinking they could have been razor cut from stone and
polished with diamonds. In a way it was beautiful; and in a way it was so
unreal, it was almost frightening.
Medley's
voice was quiet: "Mr. Boyd, you have nothing to do?"
No
one laughed.
Don
half-lifted his book and looked down at the page.
"One
should never waste time, Mr. Boyd, even the few minutes we have here. In some
countries, in the old days, that was a criminal offense.
Just
as wasting someone else's tune is just as criminal."
Don
didn't understand, but he was positive the man was trying to send him a
message.
He
knows.
he can't know And the bell rang.
He
filed out behind the others, feeling Hedley watching him all the way to the
door. He wanted to turn and demand to know the reason, and refused to find the
courage. Whatever the man's problem was, it couldn't have anything to do with
what happened. Maybe he was pissed because he still thought Don had vandalized
his house.
He
hurried for the stairwell and headed down for gym, was reaching for the door
when someone grabbed his arm and yanked him out of the crowd into the landing's
corner.
"Hey,
what..."
It
was Chris. She was in her cheerleader's outfit, the short
Indian-style
skirt exposing her long legs, the white sweater with the school name exposing
even more because it was so snug. Her hair was in two braids that dangled over
her breasts, and she wore a beaded headband she kept pushing up with a thumb.
"Hey,"
she said quietly, her eyes on the students who passed through the door.
"Hey,"
he said, and waited.
She
smiled so beautifully he had to smile back, and had to resist the urge to put a
hand to her cheek.
"You
seen Tar?"
He
shook his head.
"The
jackass didn't come in yet, can you believe it?" She pulled at the
headband, adjusting it with a grimace. "He wants to make some kind of
grand entrance, I bet." "I don't know," he said. "That's
not him, y'know?"
She
shrugged; she didn't give a shit whether it was him or not. "It's still
dumb. If he does do it, Brian's gonna take off his head." A quick laugh he
could barely hear, and she leaned closer. "Are you okay? I mean, I was
gonna call or come over, but I figured . . . you know."
"I'm
okay, yeah. Thanks for asking."
"Well,
listen, I gotta get up to the library before the Dragon chews me up for being
late stacking her precious books, but listen ..." She looked at him then,
took his arm and maneuvered him unprotesting until his back was flat , against
the wall and hers was to the staircase. "So listen, are you going to the
game?"
"Sure,
I guess so."
He
could see a few faces turn toward him, look away-- none of them was
Brian's.
"What
about after?" Tracey, he thought. "I don't know. Beacher's, I guess.
I hadn't thought about it. I suppose it depends on whether we win or not."
Before
he could stop her, she took his hand and pressed it briefly to her breast,
leaned into it and away, and released him with a smile.
"After,"
she whispered. "Win or lose." And she was gone.
His
face burned, his hand burned, but he didn't dare touch one to the other for
fear of losing the sensation that lingered on his palm. He wondered if anyone
had seen; it had happened so fast he wasn't sure now it had happened at all. He
pushed through the door with his eyes down, and when no one said anything, he
broke into a slow trot and veered into the gym.
The
classes were sitting by the walls from which wrestling and gymnastic pads were
hanging. The teachers were in the middle of the basketball court, leaning over
their roll books, checking the room and every so often barking out a name to
which a "yo!" or a "here" was shouted back.
Don
stood by the double doors, not knowing where to go, until someone spotted him
and called out his name. He waved blindly and lowered himself into a crouch,
trying not to hear the silence that washed over the gym, not to feel the eyes
that examined him frankly. He studied the polished floor between his shoes. He
sat on his books and studied the floor again, until a pair of cleated black
shoes stepped in.
He
looked up; it was Brian Pratt in his football pants and shoulder pads. Pratt
hunkered down, stared at him, and shook his head. "I don't get it."
Don
lips moved into a smile he didn't feel. "Get what?"
"How
you did it?"
"Just
leave it, all right?"
Pratt
shook his head again. "My old man was right, you know," he said.
"It's
always the assholes of the world who step in it and come out smelling like
roses."
Don's
forearms were resting on his knees, his hands between them clasped now and
white-knuckled. "Leave it, huh?"
"Oh,
my. Hey, you gonna get tough with me now, Duck?"
He
looked up, expressionless. "Just get off it, all right?"
Pratt
jabbed a stiff finger into his shin. "Just don't get tough with me, Duck,
you hear? Don't you believe for a minute I'm like that farting old man."
He stood without effort. "And stay away from Chrissy or I'll fuck you over
so bad your own mother won't recognize you."
He
walked away, arrogant, cleats smacking on the hardwood floor until one of the
teachers ordered him off to the side. Pratt nodded and did as he was told, and
left by the far door without once looking back.
The
eyes were on him again; he could feel them, and he prayed for the bell to ring
so he could go back to his locker, get his jacket and books, and head for the
stadium and the day-ending pep rally. He prayed for Brian's head to fall off as
soon as he walked onto the field. He prayed for a tornado to rip through the
school and carry him away, to a place he never heard of and whose people never
heard of him.
When
the bell did ring, he was the first out the door, the first to the stairs, and
had just started working his combination when the word spread about Tar Boston.
The
band marched raggedly onto the field, a fanfare of hard-edged drums leading the
way--the Ashford Braves on the warpath. It formed an A across the fifty-yard
line and played the school song, the
"Star-Spangled
Banner," and two marches. The students cheered, whistled, and clapped as
the band marched off again and took its place in the first four rows in the
concrete seats' center. Ashford Day banners had been,'strung between the
goalposts and hung from the top windows; a handful of workers adjusted the
banks of lights that would illuminate the field that evening for the game; a
portable platform was carried out to the field, microphones and chairs set up,
and Don's father, the head cheerleaders, and the coach hurried into place. All
very efficient and over in no time.
Don
sat in the top row and did nothing but watch Tracey playing her flute and
holding her music in one hand. Snippets of their conversation last night kept
drifting back to him, and he was sure he had not mistaken the concern in her
voice, or the caring. By the time his father began to speak, he had made up his
mind to meet her after school and tell her everything.
Including
the fact that he had probably murdered Tar.
It
had to be. Even discounting exaggeration as rumors and fact danced around each
other and merged, it was clear that the condition of Tar's body was the same as
the Howler's. It was also clear that no hit-and-run driver would be stupid
enough to return to the scene and race back and forth over a body he had just
created, just for fun, or because he was crazy.
It
was the stallion.
And
he was frightened in a way he'd never been before. Not because of what had been
done, but because he didn't feel the same as he had when
Amanda
had died at the Howler's hands. Then he was angered; now he was .
.
. glad.
And
it made him sick.
A
person was dead. A human being. Someone he knew. And he was glad Tar was dead
because the stupid asshole couldn't torment him anymore, couldn't hang on
Brian's every command, couldn't murder birds and smash bikes and pretend he was
a king in a land without royalty. Dead. Smashed beyond recognition until the
dental work had been run through whatever tests they do.
Now
that I know you're here, what do we do next?
He
needed to talk, and he needed to be alone, and he applauded absently as the
coach was introduced, as the players were introduced and ran onto the field
between two lines of cheerleaders waving their pompons and leaping into the
air, as the band played marches and another speech was made, and reminders were
given about the parade.
He
applauded and heard nothing, saw nothing until he realized the others were
filing out. Chattering excitedly, making plans for the night, for the next day.
Ignoring him because he was a hero on Wednesday and time marches on, like the
band marching swiftly to the end of the field to sloppy drumwork, out of step,
finally falling apart and heading for the exits.
Quickly
he made his way against the crowd to the bottom of the stands, vaulted the iron
railing down to the track, and ran toward Tracey. He called out. She didn't
hear him. He called again and dodged around a handful of team members who
laughed when Brian in their midst made a loud quacking noise.
Don't
mess with me, Brian, he said silently as he glowered back; don't mess with me,
man, or I'll have you dead.
He
stopped then and swallowed.
Oh
Jesus. Oh God.
"Y'know,
I'm beginning to think I'm a jinx."
He
stepped back quickly, just able to avoid colliding with Tracey who was trying
to juggle her music, disassemble her flute, and open its case at the same time.
When he looked blankly at her, she gave him a sour grin and forced the sheets
of narrow paper into his hands, put the instrument away and took the music
back. Her cap was off and her hair was taken by the afternoon's breeze across
her forehead, over her eyes.
The
uniform's tunic was unbuttoned at the top and he could see the hollow of her
throat, the top of her chest.
"Sorry/'.'he
mumbled.
Her
head tilted. "You looking for me, Vet?"
"Yes.
I... do you need . . ." He bit down on his lower lip.
"You
want to walk me home?" "Please," he said, and she took his arm
and led them to the open tunnel in the wall. Others hurried past, and the
growling of engines in the street competed with shouts, with laughter, with a
few of the band members blaring their trumpets and tubas, the whole sounding
less like school just over than a game just ended. No one spoke to them and for
that he was glad. He was too busy playing the blind man to Tracey's guide dog,
trying desperately to force what he'd thought at Brian out of his mind.
Once
through the tunnel they turned up toward School Street, closer now against the
press of students, so close that she finally slipped her hand into his.
"So
what?" she said, looking at him sideways. "Tar?"
He
nodded.
"God,
it was horrible, huh? You should've seen my father when he came home last
night. If he'd known I knew him, he would have made me stay home. My nerves. He
thinks I'm pale and weak and suffer from the vapors every time I cut my finger,
and you're not listening to a word I'm saying, Donald Boyd."
"Huh?"
"See?"
He
squeezed her hand and shoved them through the dispersing crowd onto the
school's front lawn. As they walked toward the plaza, he made several attempts
to explain what was going on inside his head, and each time he had to stop
because he didn't want her to think he was crazy and didn't want her to say
that he should talk to his parents.
Finally
he just gave up and accepted her silence as patience for his fumbling.
The
flagpole was surrounded by a raised brick wall into which had been dumped earth
for a planter. The blossoms were gone, but the frost over the past two weeks
hadn't yet killed the stems and broad leaves. Don sat on the edge and Tracey
sat beside him, dumping her instrument case and books from her arms, then
twisting so she could see him.
They
were alone.
The
sun was already behind the building and the plaza was coated in chilly shadow.
There was no movement in the windows, and the flag above them snapped at the
air like cynical hands clapping.
"He
wasn't your friend, you know," she said, one finger skating over the top
of the bricks, following the riverbed of mortar that held them together.
"It's not like it was with Mandy, I mean."
"Yeah,
I know."
"I
mean, he couldn't stand you, Don, and you probably hated his guts.
Especially
after last night. So I don't get it. I don't get it."
He
looked toward the school, the steps, the lawn, the street. "I killed
him."
She
slapped his arm, hard. "That isn't funny."
"I
know." At the plaza, his thighs, the sky, the trees.
"I
... you didn't, you know. I know you didn't. Even after what he did,
I
know you didn't take a bat and lure him out into the street and bash out his
brains. You--"
A
hand butterflied to her lips to silence herself, and he knew she was
remembering the Howler and how he died.
Then
he heard cleats on the concrete and he stiffened, drew his lips tight, and
closed his eyes when a hand took his right arm.
"How
do I look?" "Like a sports store dummy, dummy," Tracey said
lightly.
Don
looked at the hand, the face, and grinned at Jeff, who was still in uniform and
holding his helmet under his arm.
"Coach
says we have to wear this crap the rest of the day." Jeff drew himself up
and gave them his profile, slightly marred because of the droop of his glasses.
"For inspiration to ourselves and others. So that the Ashford North Rebels
will tremble when they see us and never forget the demolition they will suffer."
He stuck out his tongue. "That is a quote, I swear to god. You
going?" "Sure," Don said. "You playing?"
Jeffs
expression turned sour. "Are you kidding? Coach wants to win this one. Why
should he play me when he has Brian, Fleet, and . . . and the rest of the
guys." He looked at Tracey, saw her sad smile, and slumped against the
wall, bouncing the helmet lightly on his lap.
"You
know, huh?" Tracey said.
"Yeah.
Coach gave us the Gipper speech. It sounds lousy when you say
'Win
one for the Tar.' " Don said nothing; Tracey laughed nervously.
More
cleats, and Fleet passed them. When it was obvious he wasn't going to stop,
Jeff called to him, called a second time and shrugged. When
Fleet
reached the sidewalk, however, he paused and looked over his shoulder. It was
clear he was looking at Don, and just as clear he was wondering.
God,
Don thought, and only nodded when Jeff stood with a show of puffing his chest
and stamping his feet, announcing he had to get home before the men in the
white suits dropped their net over his head. A wave, a look to Tracey, and he
trotted away.
Sounding,
Don thought, just like a running horse.
Tracey
looked at her watch.
The
school's shadow deepened.
"Don,
I have to go. You--"
"No,"
he said. "Look, Trace, I'm sorry I said anything, okay? I think
...
I think I just want to be alone for a while."
Her
eyes were hurt though her mouth worked at a small smile. "Sure. And look,
I'll give--why don't you call me later, okay? I have to be back here at six,
but call me before, all right?"
"Yes,"
he said, and snapped his head around to look at her. "Yes, I will. It's
just that . . ." and he waved his hand in the direction Jeff and Fleet had
gone.
"It's
okay, Vet, don't worry about it. Just don't give me any of that crap about . .
. you know, all right?" Then, her eyes wide with surprise at herself, she
leaned over and kissed him, harder than she thought, clearly not as long as she
wanted. "Call, or I'll break your legs."
He
grinned as she hurried away, juggling sheet music, books, and case in her arms.
But the moment she was on the other side of the street and around the corner,
the grin faded by degrees until he felt the pull of skin as his lips turned
down.
What
in hell was he thinking of, telling her right out like that that he killed Tar?
If she didn't think he was crazy, she was as crazy as he was; and if she
believed him, she sure as hell wouldn't believe the part about the horse.
He
brought a fist down on his leg.
Damn
Jeff, anyway! And Fleet! It was his own fault for stopping here. He should have
taken her somewhere else, maybe the park, where he could work it all out so it
wouldn't sound so stupid, so she wouldn't be afraid to be with him because she
was afraid he'd kill her because he was ... oh shit. Shit. Because this and
because that and when the hell did it all turn so damned complicated?
He
struck his leg again and gathered up his books. There was a moment, as he faced
the school, when he was tempted to go inside and talk to his father. Then
Falcone came out and took the steps two at a time. He nodded as he passed,
jacket tails flapping and a briefcase in one hand, and half walked half-ran
over the plaza. Don turned toward home, taking a shortcut across the grass, kicking
the ground once in a while and only half turning his head when a car raced
past.
A
book fell. He knelt to retrieve it, but he didn't take his eyes from the car.
It was Falcone's, and his mother was driving.
She
was wearing dark glasses and there was a dark kerchief around her hair, but he
knew it was her.
A
panicked look toward his father's office; there was no one in the window.
A
stunned look back to the street; the car was gone.
Without
thinking he hurried around the corner of the building and down the steep slope
to the wall gates. They were still open, and he ran through, dropping his books
at the edge of the grass and falling into a rhythm as he began to take a lap.
Eyes blinking rapidly. Mouth open.
Feet
flat. Arms nearly motionless at his side. By the time he was into the first
turn, he had recovered enough to bring his knees and arms up, to correct his
breathing, to pace himself for a session he knew would last a long time.
The
stands were empty.
A
white ghost of sheet music flapped across the field like a broken-winged bird.
A
glance at the school, and he saw a face in a window on the third floor.
"Fuck
you, Hedley," he said between clenched teeth. "Fuck you too, and
leave me alone!"
Adam
Hedley worked a forefinger across his mustache and turned away from the window
with a puzzled grunt. He had intended on staying at school, working on a few
papers so he would have nothing to take home over the weekend. There was no
sense in leaving since he had to be back by five-thirty in order to take
tickets, and he'd already conned sandwiches from the cafeteria to pass for
supper until he could get something better after the game.
Boyd
changed that, however.
Watching
the kid moving like a drunken zombie around the track reminded him of the tests
he had run a second time at the station's limited facilities. And the results,
which were the same as he'd gotten the first time around. The moment he'd
finished, he had hurried to Verona's office, but the man was gone, and Ronson
had left town on an extended weekend. He thought of calling the coroner, but
discarded the notion almost immediately; he and that prissy little sonofabitch
never did get along, and he would be damned if he was going to hand the man his
own head, especially on a platter he had made himself. Instead, he had decided
to wait until he could speak alone with the detective, to give him in&
findings and, frankly, pass the buck.
Now
he wasn't so sure the buck ought to be passed.
Now
he wondered if there wasn't something in there he could use against
Norman,
especially after the talk about Tarkington Boston's death--remarkably like
Falwick's if half the stories were true.
It
took him half an hour to clean up the lab to his liking, cursing all the while
the students who couldn't read labels and didn't give a damn when they could.
He locked the storeroom, the cupboards, and his desk; he switched off the
lights and was startled to realize how dark it had become. A check of the
windows showed him the clouds that had moved nearer since the rally, obscuring
the sun and bringing a false dusk to the roofs of the town.
A
gust of wind slapped at the panes, found a crack somewhere and rustled the
shades.
He
locked the door and dropped his keys into his jacket pocket, ran his palms back
along his fringe of red hair, over his bald scalp, and started for the
staircase, squinting because there seemed to be something wrong with the
fluorescent lights in the ceiling. Dimmer; one of them down there flickering a
little. He would have to speak to that cretin, D'Amato, about it. If he wasn't
careful, he would trip and break a leg.
A
smile flared and vanished.
That
wouldn't be so bad. Then he could sue Boyd and retire on his winnings.
The
second floor was dark.
When
he emerged on the first, he took two steps toward the main office when a door
banged open somewhere ahead of him. He paused, listening for the footsteps of a
colleague leaving late, or Norman Boyd's voice calling him to join him.
Echoes
of the door meeting wall, hollow against the tiles, booming around the deserted
corridor.
A
look to his left. The back hall was dark, and the one ceiling light burning
made the side hall seem as if it were swirling with fog.
A
shrug with his eyebrows, and he headed for the main entrance, passed the
office, and wondered at the lack of lights in there. Usually, at least the
secretaries' area was illuminated all night for the police to check on when
they cruised by. Shoddy, he thought as he took the corner into the foyer.
Shoddy procedure, and not the way I'd take care of things.
A
noise behind him made him stop--a shifting of weight more felt than heard.
He
looked and didn't like what he saw.
Opposite
the foyer were three sets of double doors leading into the auditorium. One of
the center doors was swinging shut.
"D'Amato?"
he said loudly.
No
answer.
The
door closed, hissing.
It
certainly wasn't any of his affair, but indecision kept him from leaving. Only
last year, after a particularly unruly homecoming rally, he had on a hunch used
the upstairs doors and stepped into the balcony, and had discovered two
students screwing their brainless heads off in the front row. No alarm was
raised; he just sidled into the shadows and watched, excited not by the scene
but by the spontaneity of what he saw--most of his films at home he could
replay in his sleep without missing a frame.
It
was possible, then, that after today's emotional charging, someone had gotten a
similar idea.
He
checked the front--there was no one in the plaza, no car waiting at the curb.
Then,
on his toes and breathing shallowly through his mouth, he hurried to the door,
took the handle, and pulled it slowly to him, just enough to permit him to slip
inside.
Someone
was there.
He
could barely see across the rows of dark upholstered seats, and the stage lit
by a single bulb in its center was perfectly bare save for an old battered
couch against the rear curtain-draped wall.
But
years of keeping his eyes on classes with his back turned had given him, he
knew, a certain honing of a sixth sense, and he knew beyond doubt he wasn't
alone in the dark-walled cavern.
Carefully
he slipped on tiptoe down the center aisle, stopping at every row to check its
length on both sides, ears almost pricked to catch the slightest hint of
panting, of clothes rustling, of moans smothered by kisses.
By
the time he was ten rows down, he was out from under the balcony's overhang,
and he looked to see if perhaps the culprits were up there.
Looked
back and saw it standing at the door.
"Jesus,"
he said, and his voice echoed in the empty auditorium, and came back to him,
whispering, almost like a prayer.
Greeneyes,
staring. There was no curiosity about what it was, where it came from , what it
was doing here. He turned and ran down the rest of the aisle, swearing at the
weight he carried when he swerved to the right and slammed into a chair,
stumbled forward, and had to grab the back of the next one to keep from
falling. As he did, he was turned around, and the stallion was coming toward
him. One step at a time.
Greenfire,
flaring.
I'm
going to die, he thought, and he didn't know why.
The
fear that sent a warm wetness down his legs didn't keep him from running again,
not stopping until he came up against the stage apron with a jarring,
wind-stealing collision. He swallowed bile, shook perspiration from his
eyes,-and lifted a leg to hoist himself up. He failed once and whim pered,
tried a second time and made it, rolling onto his back, spread-eagled for a
moment while the stallion kept walking, out of the dark.
"Jesus,
Mary, and Joseph."
He
looked wildly to the wings as he scrambled to his feet, hoping that
D'Amato
hadn't locked the doors leading to the halls beyond. Squinted at the balcony in
case the custodian was there, then looked at the creature that had stopped in
the aisle's center.
Its
ears were back, its eyes narrow and watching, and there was no chance at all it
was a joke and he knew it.
It
ran.
One
moment it was there, a foreleg pawing the aisle's carpet into green flame, the
next its muscles rippled and launched it into a full gallop.
Adam
gaped, momentarily frozen.
The
stallion filled the air with smoke and flame.
For
a reason he never knew, Adam looked up at the bulb that formed his own
spotlight, and when he looked down he was partially blinded.
But
not blinded enough not to see the stallion in the air, leaping easily from the
floor to the stage, gliding, glowing, its mouth opened and teeth bared as its
head lunged for his throat.
Adam
screamed.
The
bulb shattered.
And
greenfire in the dark that here and there shone on red.
potman was sitting on the porch steps when Don
came home. The clouds were still ponderously gathering and the yard was already
nearly dark, the streetlamps already on and laying dull silver over the grass
and blacktop. The porchlight was glowing a faint yellow as he turned onto the
walk hesitantly, unsure why his father should be out here like this--without a
coat, his tie off, an empty glass in his hand.
"Hi,"
Norman said, and patted the step beside him.
"Hi."
Don sat, holding his books snugly in his lap. He hoped this wasn't going to be
an attempt at a father-and-son night. If it was, he might blurt out what he
knew, and then he would learn what his father really thought about him.
"What
did you think of the pep rally?"
"It
was okay, I guess."
"Roused
the troops' blood, I think."
"I
suppose."
"Gonna
smash North's face in tonight, I bet. Brian looked like he was ready to kill
anything that moved."
Don
hadn't noticed.
"A
shame about Tar. Kid could've been a real star some day. Pratt hasn't got a
chance; his head's too big. Boston knew his limitations. You gotta know that to
make it big in the world." "Tar's dead," Don said flatly.
"Yeah.
What a bitch." He shifted, belched, ran his hands over his hair.
"Cheerleaders
have nice legs, you ever notice that? I mean, when you're not talking to the
animals, you ever notice that cheerleaders have interesting legs, son?"
Don
didn't know what to say, and so said nothing.
Norman
took out a handkerchief and blew his nose. "You're probably wondering what
I'm doing out here, right? I'll probably catch pneumonia and miss the game
which, considering the relative importance of this week, is not the proper
thing to do."
The
smell of bourbon was not q te a stench, his father's hair not quite untidily
mussed over his forehead.
"Well,
I'll tell you, son. I'm waiting for your mother."
Don
winced, but Norman didn't see it; he was staring at the lawn and turning the
glass around and around between his fingers. Finally he lifted his chest as if
taking in a sigh.
"You
remember that goddamned rude question you asked us a few days ago?
You
remember that, Donald?"
He
did. With a clarity that made him take the inside of his cheek with his teeth
and bite down, hard.
"Well,
I suppose you deserve an answer. After all, you are my sole surviving heir. You
are soon to launch yourself upon the unsuspecting world and start your own
goddamned hie." He lay a hand on Don's knee and gripped it, massaged it,
pulled the hand away. "You know, your grandfather used to tell me, when he
was busting his hump down there in the mills and getting nothing for it but a
kick in the ass, even when he became foreman, he used to say that you ought
never to plan for your own future because that road you're walking is made of
shit. Some of it hard enough to go over, some of it soft enough to drop you in
up to your ass.
But
it's still shit. He said you should make a future for your kids, like he was
doing for me. He said it's the only way people are going to remember you.
"He
was right, you know, so don't look so shocked. It's all shit,
Donald,
and I'm telling you that like my father told me. Of course, some of it, you
learn to live with it, if you know what I mean. And some of it can actually do
you some good, you know?
"Like
Falcone. He's shit. He wants to take his dumbass teachers out on strike and he
would have done it first thing Monday morning, but you know what that stupid
ginzo did? Aside from pulling that stunt with your grades, do you have any idea
what that jackass did?"
Don
looked away, hoping that by swallowing hard enough he wouldn't have to cry. He
was beginning to understand why he thought the bourbon smelled sour.
"Oh,"
Norman said. "Oh, you saw them."
He
nodded.
"Dumbest
thing I ever saw." Norman laughed sharply. "He actually ran out of
the school and into his car. His car, mind. And there she was, all dressed up
like Greta Garbo, like nobody would know who the hell she was. The mystery
woman in Harry Falcone's life, you see what I mean?
Well,
that was dumb, Donald. Dumb. Because now he can whistle Dixie naked on the
boulevard and he ain't gonna get one teacher to follow his ass.
"Good
shit for me, bad shit for him."
"Dad,
please."
Norman
set the glass on the edge of the step between them; Don grabbed it before it could
fall and put it on the porch.
"Yes,"
Norman said.
Don
looked at him.
"The
answer to your question is yes. I probably knew that the day Sam died and your
mother blamed me because we went camping instead of farting around at the shore
like she wanted. At the shore they had hospitals. Camping has trees, and if
your mother thinks I don't miss him, she's dumber than I think."
Don
stood, but Norman froze him with a sideways look.
"You
don't like to hear me talk about your mother that way, and to tell you the
truth, I don't like to hear me say it. She's a hell of a woman,
Don,
a hell of a woman. So when she gets back from wherever the hell she went with
that slick, greasy idiot, I'm going to put it to her--make a choice, Joyce. You
either got to stick with your family, or stick with him." He shook his
head slowly and sucked at his teeth. "I think it was my news that made her
do it though. I got to give her that. Up until now she was keeping it all quiet
and careful. My fault, I guess." "What news?" Don whispered.
"I'm
going to quit at the end of the year."
"What?"
"Don't
shout, boy. I'm your father."
"Quit?
You mean . . . quit school? Your job?" You're drunk, he thought; you're
drunk, you're drunk!
"Damn
right. Told her this afternoon. Falcone, the board, they can take the school
and every kid inside and shove it where the sun don't shine, you'd better
believe I'm quitting."
"But
why?" "My father told me that the only way you can make it in mis
world, walking on shit the whole time, is by making money. And he was right.
You can't live like a human being unless you have money. Lots of money. I sure
as hell ain't gonna make it as a principal, now am I? No way in hell."
Don
tried to find a way to breathe and leaned hard against the railing.
"What
are you going to do then?"
"Ah,
you haven't been listening to your mother, son. You haven't been watching the
way Garziana's been treating me lately."
"Garriana?
Mayor Garziana?" Punch drunk; somehow he was punch drunk; he had to be, or
else he wouldn't feel like laughing.
Norman
nodded, looking at his hands as if expecting the glass to still be there.
"I'm going to run next fall, Don. Your mother thought I was kidding when I
told her the first time. But I've been thinking about it, thinking hard, and
I've been taking a look around to see what Garziana has for himself. He has it
good, son. He has it damned good for a little shittown like this."
Don
took hold of the railing and pulled himself to the porch.
"She
thinks I'm crazy. She made a good point though-- that the real money won't
start coming until I've been in office a few years. Means a little sacrifice
here and there; the job itself doesn't pay shit, but it'll be worth it in the
long run, no question about it. I got it straight from the horse's mouth.''
"School,"
Don said hoarsely. "What about . . ."
"You
got any prospects for scholarships?"
"Oh,
no, please, Dad. No, please."
"Y'know,
I think ... I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I clobbered that poor kid
last night for what he did to my car."
Don
looked wildly to the front door, looked back and saw his father watching him.
"You were in my room!" he accused, not caring how drunk
Norman
was.
"Damn
right I was. I got nosey. It's my goddamned house and I wanted a closer look at
all your little buddies in there, try to figure out where the hell your head is
at. I got to admit I still don't know, but I do know you're not very smart,
Don. You shouldn't have left those keys on your desk." He turned slightly
and leaned an elbow on the top step. "I'm not stupid, Donald. Don't you
ever think I'm stupid. I don't know what you were thinking of when you didn't
tell me about Tar, but I know you thought I was going to kill that little
sonofabitch. Why did you do it?
Were
you going to do it yourself?"
Don
turned away from the laughter that began as a chuckle and ended in choking. He
opened the door, dizzy and wanting to run for the bathroom.
"Were
you?" Norman persisted. "Jesus, I hope you aren't starting to believe
all that crap about being a hero. You know as well I do you didn't do it."
He
gasped, but didn't look back.
"Nope,"
Norman said. "That wasn't you. That was a crazy kid, not my kid.
Five
seconds of crazy doesn't make you a hero."
Don
wanted to faint, to get away into the dark.
"You
go on in," Norman said kindly, thinking the pause was a wait for him.
"I'm going to sit here and sober up a bit. Can't go to the big game like
this, right? It'd make a bad impression. Folks don't like their mayors drunk in
public. Besides, maybe your mother will come home. Maybe not. Personally I hope
she--"
"Shut
up!" Don yelled. He whirled around, his books scattering in the foyer,
ripples of faint red at the corners of his vision. "You shut up!"
'
"No, you grow up!" Norman yelled back. "It's about time you grew
up, boy, and stopped thinking that your daydreams are going to make things
better around here." A finger pointed spearlike at his chest. "I'll
tell you something, son--if you don't break out into the real world real soon,
you're going to be in serious trouble. All that crap about : taking care of
those poor helpless animals, all that wailing like a two-year-old just because
your mother cleaned some baby toys out of your room--you better grow up,
Donald. You better open your eyes and learn a few things about what it's really
like, out here in the real world."
Don
slammed the door. He kicked aside a book that nearly tripped him and plunged up
the steps, slipping twice, falling
onto the landing and yanked himself up into
the hall. He leaned against the wall and stared down it at his parents' room,
at his room, looked over his shoulder at Sam's room, and he sobbed.
"Don?"
Norman called from the bottom of the steps.
"Leave
me alone!" he shouted. "Just leave me alone!"
"I
just wanted you to know there's sandwiches on the counter in case you want to
eat before you leave for the game."
"Jesus
Christ," he screamed, "will you leave me alone!"
He
fell into his bedroom and picked up the desk chair, held it over his shoulder
while the tears drenched his cheeks, threw it against the wall while his knees
grew rigid.
"Leave
me alone!" he said loudly.
An
arm swept books and pencils off the desk.
"Leave
me alone," he whispered.
He
grabbed a stuffed hawk from a shelf and tried to wring off its head, then
hurled it at the window and winced when the pane cracked and the bud bounced
back to rock slowly in the middle of the floor.
"Leave
me alone. Just. . . leave me alone." Footsteps in the hall that neither
faltered nor paused. The shower drummed. The toilet flushed.
Something
made of glass shattered on the bathroom floor.
Ten
minutes later the front door slammed, and Don jumped up from the bed and ran
into his parents' room, pulled aside the drapes, and looked down at the street.
Norman, in slacks, sweater, and sport jacket, was turning onto the sidewalk. He
didn't look back, didn't look up, and stopped with hands out when Chris backed
the red convertible out of her garage. They exchanged words. Norman shook his
head politely. Another exchange with
Chris
flashing her best smile. When he shrugged, she waved briskly at him and grabbed
her pompons from the front seat, dropped them in back and leaned over to open
the passenger door. Another wave, and Norman shrugged, walked around the back
of the car, and slid into the passenger seat. When they drove off toward the
stadium, Chris had both hands on the wheel and his father was staring off to
his right.
Don
backed away from the sill and returned to his own room, picked up the hawk and
laid him gently on the bed.
"I'm
sorry," he said.
Downstairs
it was dark. After switching on the living room lamps and the small chandelier
in the foyer, he saw the note tacked to the inside of the front door.
Don,
don't forget to eat something before you leave. And I drank too much. Stupid
and drunk. Sorry if I hurt you. Don't forget your key.
He
reached out to touch the piece of paper, pulled his hand back, then grabbed the
note and tore it in half, in half again and tossed the pieces on the floor.
"Sorry
doesn't cut it, Father," he said as he walked into the living room and
stared at Norman's chair.
A
string of cars drove past the house, horns sounding, music loud and tuneless.
He
looked to the ceiling. "Why?" he asked, his throat raw and burning.
"What
did I do wrong?"
In
the kitchen he poured himself a large glass of milk and took the sandwiches one
of them had made. After standing at the table making sure he hadn't forgotten
anything, he sat, and he ate, and he stared at his transparent reflection in
the back door, half expecting to see his mother walk through and shake out her
hair, give him a smile and her cheek to kiss, then walk to the sink and fill it
with hot water, dump in the dishes, and stand back to inspect it as if what
she'd done was a work of fine art.
When
he was finished, he rinsed out his glass, cleaned his plate, and turned off the
light. At the table in the downstairs hall he stopped and watched his fingers
curl around the handset. He dialed Tracey's number and held his breath.
She
answered, and he sagged to the floor, unable to speak until she let loose with
a harsh string of Spanish that startled him into saying
"What?"
"Don, is that you? Hey, I thought it was an obscene phone call."
"Yeah,
it's me. God, what did all that mean?"
She
giggled. "You don't want to know, but it sounded good, didn't it?"
"Scared
the hell out of me."
"It
was supposed to. One of my father's bright ideas." Her mother yelled
shrilly at her sister, and her father yelled at them all. "What's up?
Oh,
lord, something else happened?" He nodded, then said, "Yes."
"I
ought to be a priest, you know."
"Huh?"
"A
priest. The last few days everybody's been finding a place on my shoulder. I'm
getting pretty good at it. I should get paid, what do you think?"
He
stared at the mouthpiece.
"Don,"
she said solemnly, "that was a joke."
"Oh.
I'm sorry."
"Don't
worry. Hey, look, I'm going to be late. And if I'm late, I'll have to turn in
my flute and they'll strip my epaulets off." She paused.
"That
was a joke too."
"Yeah.
I know."
Her
father shouted something in Spanish, and her sister shouted back; a second
later he heard the unmistakable sounds of a slap and someone crying.
"Don--"
"I
heard." She whispered, "I'm sorry. It really was a joke. See you
later?"
Before
he could answer she hung up, and he twisted the cord around both palms and pulled
it taut. Now, he thought; I need you now, Tracey, goddamnit.
He
sat on the couch and tried to guess the time, every few minutes going into the
kitchen to check his accuracy with the clock. He was wrong.
Every
time. And every time he left the room he knew his mother wouldn't be back
before he left. If he left. He wasn't sure he would go. All those people, all
those faces, all that noise keeping him from thinking.
He
went upstairs and into Sam's room.
His
mother's sewing machine was on the floor next to Sam's single bed with the
Winnie-the-Pooh sheets; in the far corner she had put a small table where her
art supplies were piled when she wasn't using them; the wallpaper was dusty,
columns of cowboys and Indians and cactus and stagecoaches. The shade was down.
There was no pillow on the mattress.
He
looked around and tried to remember what his brother looked like, what his
brother had said and done to make his mother remember him so clearly.
"Sam,"
he said, "you're a bastard, you know that? You're a goddamned
bastard."
Tracey
hurried down the hill toward the stadium's street entrance, feeling like a jerk
in her uniform when all the kids she passed were dressed for a good time, a
warm time, and wouldn't have to go home to change once the game was over.
Besides, she didn't care about the game, or the music, or how she looked on the
field--she was worried about
Donald,
about what was happening to him, and why, when she spoke with him earlier, the
sound of his voice hadn't caused her to tremble the way it used to.
Then
someone called her name, and she turned just in time to see Jeff rushing after
her. She smiled, and waited, and laughed when his cleats skidded on the
pavement and he tumbled onto the grass. "Nice," she said, walking
over to help him up. "That's the secret play, huh?"
He
stared at her morosely, sighed loudly, and reached down to retrieve his helmet.
"I tried to call," he said as they walked toward the entrance,
"but the line was busy."
"I
was talking to Don." He said nothing.
She
looked at him, and looked away, and felt a constriction in her chest that had
nothing to do with the rapidly cooling air.
Inside
the short tunnel his cleats were loud, and echoing.
"Trace?"
They
stopped on the track. There were already people in the stands, and the band was
off to the left, listening to last minute instructions from their leader. On
the far side she could see members of the team slowly filtering into the low
concrete clubhouse.
"There's
something the matter with him," she said quietly.
He
took her hand and squeezed it, and didn't let go.
"I
don't know." A trumpet blared, and the bandmaster shouted an order.
She
looked over, then looked quickly at Jeff. "He scares me," she
admitted, to him and to herself. "I don't know what's the matter with him,
and he scares me."
And
the look then on his face almost made her kiss him-- concern, and anger, and
frustration merged and dark.
"Look,"
he said at last, "why don't we meet later, okay? After the game?
I'll
walk you home or something, and we can--" "I can't," she said.
"I'm going to see Don."
"Oh."
"He
needs to talk, and I guess I'm--"
"But
you're afraid of him, Trace. You just said you were afraid of him."
"I
know. But he's a friend, too, you know?"
Then
she squeezed his hand and released it, waved him on and watched him break into
a trot around the track toward the clubhouse. Poor Jeff, she thought, and
frowned at the way the words suddenly confused her. It was
Don
she was supposed to feel sorry for, not Jeff; it was Don she had kissed the
other day. But it was Jeff she wanted to kiss now, or hold onto, or just stand
beside and listen to his mocking deflation of the game his father had forced
him into.
Jeff.
Don.
And
she wondered if maybe she shouldn't see Don after all. At least not alone.
She
hadn't been lying--he scared her.
The
telephone rang.
He
took his time getting down the stairs, thinking that if he hurried, it might be
his mother and he wouldn't know what to say to her except come home, please
come home.
It
was Sergeant Verona.
Don
hung up without answering a single question and took his jacket from the
closet.
He
couldn't stay now. If he did, the cops would be around, asking him about Tar,
asking him about the Howler, not letting go when they knew it was all over.
Staring at him like Hedley, seeing into his soul and knowing what he was like,
.and what he had become since the nugget exploded. They wouldn't give a damn
that his parents were splitting up and he was going to be alone.
He
stood on the porch and locked the door; he left the light on in case his mother
needed it.
At
the end of the drive he looked toward the park, thinking maybe he should go
there first and calm himself down before he showed up at the school. His hands
were jittery, and he couldn't breathe without panting, and no matter how many
times he wiped his face, it was still masked in perspiration.
Maybe
his friend would come and let him touch him again.
A
car stopped, and a woman he didn't know leaned out her window. "Are you
Donald Boyd?" She giggled and turned to someone sitting beside her.
"I
sound like a jerk, don't I? God, I sound like a real jerk." Back to
Don.
"So. Are you that boy I saw on television, the one that killed the
killer?"
He
nodded dumbly.
"Thought
so," she said with a sharp nod. "Told you it was him," she said
to her companion. "The minute I saw him I knew it was him." She drove
away with an I-told-you-so, nearly sideswiping another car that was trying to
get around her. Horns blared angrily, curses were passed, and someone from the
second car yelled at Don to hurry or he'd missed the opening kickoff, or was he
too big to care? Leave me alone, he told them with a glare he knew they
couldn't see, leave me the hell alone.
He
stopped in front of Chris's house and traced with his eyes the way she had
picked up his father, followed with his mind the way they had driven off,
sitting so far apart they might have been strangers. His palm itched where it
had been pressed against her breast, and he rubbed it hard against his jacket
until it started to burn. Delfield's dog started barking.
Shut
up, he thought.
In
his chest there was a tension that constricted his lungs; in his spine there
was a rod that refused to let him bend; in his arms there were cramps that kept
his fists closed.
A
police siren wailed; leave me alone; a gang of teenagers raced by on
School
Street, jeering at passing cars and shrieking at pedestrians on the other side
of the road; someone exploded a string of firecrackers; leave me alone; tires
squealed; leave me; Tar's body sprawled in the middle of the street, more blood
than flesh, the blood running to the gutter.
His
head ached.
A
trio of school buses sped past, turning him in their wake as North supporters
taunted him from open windows, blowing air horns and bugles, a beer can rolled
into the gutter.
Jesus,
leave From the last bus someone tossed a beer can that landed on his shoes,
spilling half its contents over the bottoms of his slacks.
"Christ!"
he bellowed. "Christ, leave me alone!"
Five
steps later he heard all the screams pouring over the stadium walls and he
started to run, saying "I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it" until he
reached the entrance gate and the screams grew even louder.
on almost leapt over the turnstile in his
panic to get in and see what he had done, what the stallion was doing to the
spectators and the team.
But
there was a cop, and he was staring glum-faced at the latecomers, and Don
fumbled for the ticket in his shirt, handed it to a red-faced woman in the
cubbyhole that passed for a ticket booth at the games, and pushed the metal arm
until it clicked.
And
he was in--watching the stands filled with faces, with open mouths, with hands
in the air waving and voices shrieking on both sides of the field, the lights
glaring and turning the grass a rich green, giving a luster to the uniforms
that chased each other down the gridiron after the opening kickoff.
That's
what it was, he thought in relief, and sagged against the brick wall; that's
all it was, I didn't do a thing.
He
slumped to the ground and sat there for ten minutes, seeing little more than
legs hustling by, hearing nothing but the continuous screaming that merged into
a roar that didn't stop, didn't end, made him groan and cover his ears and
wonder why so many were getting so excited by a lousy high school football
game. Didn't they know Tar was dead? Didn't they know that the guy running
patterns with Brian was a lousy substitute, not the real thing?
He
breathed deeply and fast until his head cleared and his hands stopped shaking.
Sure
they knew. But this wasn't murder. This was a tragic accident and no classes
would be canceled and no concert would be dedicated to Tar
Boston's
memory.
When
the ground became too damp to sit on, he groaned to his feet and made his way
toward the stands. Amazingly they were filled, and as he followed the iron
railing, he couldn't see a single space large enough for him to squeeze into,
save for the open section where the band was filing in now after playing the
national anthem. He tried to catch
Tracey's
eye when he saw her, but she was chatting with her neighbors and trying to keep
the wind from taking off her beret.
A
strong wind that snapped at the pennants flying from the goal posts, that took
more than a few hats and sailed them over the far wall to the houses behind.
There were no stars when he looked up, only a solid shifting black, and he realized
that most of the people there had brought umbrellas and ponchos and blankets
for cover when the rains finally came and turned the game into a mud show. , He
circled the field slowly, avoiding loud roving gangs of youngsters who were
showing off for their girls, seeing Jeff on the bench and giving him a victory
fist, not seeing his father but seeing Chris on the field, cheering and dancing
through a dozen routines.
When
he reached the main gate again, it was well into the second quarter. There was no
score, and the fans on both sides were getting a little restless.
Jostled,
sworn at, he stood in the middle of the track and watched the game from behind
the snow fence that followed the edge of the field from one end of the goal
line to the other. There were cops there, and a few photographers, and a bunch
of little kids trying to see through the red slats.
North's
quarterback fumbled. His own team's center fumbled it right bade.
The
electronic scoreboard at the far end counted the time in amber lights and kept
the scores at zero.
He
moved to the fragile fence and crossed his arms over the top. One minute to go
before the first half was over. The screaming was subdued, the cheering
half-hearted. Nobody liked a good defensive battle when they had to sit in the
cold and wait for the rain.
Suddenly
he was watching Brian racing toward him, looking back, following the spiraled
flight of an impossibly high pass as it arced over the tops of the secondary
and seemed to hesitate before settling perfectly into his arms.
The
screams began again, but Don only watched Brian, watched the way he dodged a
potential tackle and stiff-armed another and trotted across the goal line five
yards ahead of the nearest Rebel pursuit.
The
stands erupted, the band blared discordantly, and Brian was grinning when he
came up against the fence and saw him.
"Hey,
quacker, you wanna see it again?" he said, and was immediately swarmed
under by the rest of the team, practically carried away to the bench, where the
coach shook his hand.
Don
was pushed aside by the photographers, by the little kids, and was warned by a
cop to find a seat and sit down before he was told to leave.
He
almost argued as he felt the tension rise again, felt a sheen of warmth begin
to spread over his cheeks. But he swallowed it down and turned away, a part of
him thinking, they don't know who I am anymore, a part of him realizing that
leave me alone was not a plea now, it was a threat.
That
for all his aching, that might be the only Rule there was.
He
found a place, a narrow place, at the end of the first row at the near end of
the stands. He couldn't see much, not during half time when the home team band
went out to strut its stuff, and not when the Braves' defense scored the second
touchdown with a run from the second half kickoff. He didn't much care. If he
went home, he might see his mother; but if he stayed, he'd be able to talk to
Tracey after the game. Maybe she'd be able to tell him what to do next.
By
the middle of the third quarter he was unable to contain his restlessness. He
jumped down to the track and started walking again, passed by the band and this
time saw Tracey. She grinned and waved; he pointed to the scoreboard clock, to
his watchless wrist, and then to his chest. She frowned puzzlement, then
brightened and nodded quickly. His smile was only a small part of his relief,
and it clung there when his gaze drifted to the spectators behind and caught
his father sitting with the mayor and the mayor's wife. Joyce was beside Mrs.
Garziana, the kerchief still around her hair, the dark glasses gone.
Don
looked to Norman, back to his mother, who saw him and waved--& weak and
apologetic wave in front of a smile so forced he thought her face would shatter
with the effort. A polite smile. A public smile, not for him but for those
around her.
He
-waved back and moved on, for the first time realizing that sooner or later he
was going to have to make a choice-- stay with his father, stay with his
mother, either way losing out on a dream to help heal his friends.
The
crowd roared to its feet.
Ignoring
the field, he looked up to the scoreboard and saw another touchdown recorded
and Brian's number flash. Before he reached the far end zone it happened again;
and as he passed in front of the Rebels' wooden bleachers he felt the
antagonism and defeat, the growing rowdiness that comes with losing
frustration.
He
walked around a second time and the Rebels made their first score.
The
third time, he stopped in front of the band, bracing himself against the people
who were crowding around the Braves' bench, spilling onto the track, paying no
attention to the police and security guards who were trying to keep a semblance
of order and still watch the game.
He
stared at Tracey, and felt his father staring back, in peripheral vision saw
his mother laughing at something the mayor's wife said. His eyes narrowed, but
she seemed not to understand that this wasn't a time for laughing, for
football; it was a time for her son who wasn't named
Sam.
He
stayed there until, dimly, he heard the final gun and had to press against the
low wall as the fans spilled over the railing and onto the field. His shoulder
was punched, his back was slapped, and he did his best to keep from going down,
to smile as if he were delirious at the victory they'd won, until he saw Tracey
and she was pointing to the nearest steps.
"God,"
she said breathlessly when he finally reached her and she fell against him.
"You'd think it was the stupid Super Bowl, for crying out loud."
Her
uniform was rough to the touch, but his arm slipped naturally around her waist,
the rest of him turning to form a shield while she put her instrument away and
shoved her music into whatever pockets she could reach.
"You
see your folks?"
He
nodded stiffly.
"You
have to wait or anything?"
"Do
you?"
"Nope."
With
a "let's go, then" he held her close to his hip and moved toward the
gates. It would take a while; there were kids running impromptu races, football
players trying to get away so they could change and return to join the
celebration, and a handful of band members playing music their teacher never
let them try in practice.
"Don,"
Tracey said then, "what's wrong?"
Joyce
applauded and cheered when the final gun sounded, and didn't hear a word Jean
Garziana said to her as they headed up the steps toward the exit. Donald was
gone, lost in the swirling bodies that spilled over the field, and she hated
herself for feeling relieved. Norm was behind her and when she looked back, he
gave the lifeless stare he reserved for people he did not know. Jean touched
her arm, and she smiled automatically, gestured toward her ears and then at the
milling crowd.
The
woman nodded, and they concentrated on leaving the stadium and heading up for
School Street. At the corner it wasn't quiet, but it was considerably less
mobbed.
"We're
going for a drink," the woman said then. "Would you like to join
us?" When Joyce balked, she opened her raincoat to expose a nurse's
uniform. "It won't be for long, I promise. I have to go on shift at
midnight."
"But
I'm not dressed," Joyce protested, looking down at her thin blouse, her
wrinkled slacks, the ballet slippers. "I'd feel embarrassed." A
nervous laugh--you know how it is.
Anthony
Garziana came up then with Norman in tow. When Jean explained the ensemble
situation, he laughed heartily and slapped Norman's arm.
"No
problem, ladies, no problem," he said. "Joyce, you go on and change.
I
want you to have a good time tonight. Norm, you go with her, bring her back,
and we'll have a few drinks, we'll talk, what do you say?"
He
left no time for an answer. Taking his wife's arm, he turned to the curb just
as a limousine pulled up. "The Starlite, okay?" The door opened, and
he was gone.
Joyce
yanked the kerchief from her head as the limousine pulled away.
"I'm
glad you showed," Norman said.
"I'm
not that stupid," she told him wearily.
"Funny,
I said almost the same thing to Don earlier."
"What?"
She grabbed his arm, remembered the people still pressing home, and forced her
lips into a meaningless smile. "What the hell do you mean?"
"Don
and I had a talk," he said flatly, refusing to look anywhere near her.
"What
did you say?"
"That
you and I had to have a talk before the night is over." He did look, then,
and she would not look away. "We do, Joyce. You know we do, after that
stunt you pulled today." "j_"
"Don
saw you."
Something
hard and cold settled in her chest. "Oh, shit."
"Yeah."
Blindly
she stared at the faces moving rapidly past her, at the cars driving away.
"Do we have to go?"
"Yes,
we have to."
"Then
I'm going home to change."
His
fingers curled around her waist, the pads pressing deeply until she tried to
pull away. "You'll be there, right?"
"Aren't
you walking me home?"
"No,"
he said. "No. If I do, we'll never catch the mayor."
"I
see."
"Do
you?"
"Clearly,
Norman. More clearly than you give me credit for."
She
twisted her wrist free and walked away, feeling the coarse pavement beneath the
slippers, gasping once when a group of boys raced by and one stepped on her
toes. Tears rose and vanished as she willed the pain away, willed away the limp
after only three strides.
Don
knows. He knows, and what was she going to do now? It's stupid, she thought as
she waited on the curb and sought a break in the traffic; I'm stupid. Oh, god,
what the hell am I going to do now?
She
ran across the street and huddled in the shadows, berating herself for reacting
to Norman's announcement the way she had. She should have waited until he'd
come home and then talked with him calmly; and if not calmly, at least with a
certain logic that would show him how foolish he was being. But he kept quoting
his goddamn father at her, digging in his heels the moment he sensed her
resistance to his running for office--and in her panic at losing what security
they had, she'd called Harold. And
Harold
had responded the way she'd known he would--not with sage advice or calming
talk, but by kissing her cheek the minute she'd left the school behind, holding
her free hand and kissing the fingers until she'd pulled into his driveway on
the other side of town. And once in the apartment, when she tried to explain,
he had taken her in his arms and pulled her blouse from her jeans.
The
moment his hand spread across her naked back she was lost, it was all lost . .
. and Jesus, Don had seen!
When
she unlocked the front door, her teeth were chattering as much from the cold as
from tension, and from the fear that she wouldn't be able to explain to Norman
that her foolishness-- no, she corrected harshly as she slammed the door behind
her. Not foolishness. Idiocy. Weakness. But not foolishness.
She
rushed upstairs and stripped off her clothes, was reaching into the closet for
something more appropriate for having drinks with the mayor and his wife, when
she heard someone knocking on the front door. Don forgot his key was the first
thing that came to mind, and she snatched up her bathrobe and struggled into it
on the way back down. And she would have to tell him something. He was so frail
that anything near the truth would have to be tempered. Your father and I are
having problems--vague, unsatisfying, and something the boy already knew.
She
opened the door and immediately clutched the robe's lapels to her throat.
"Harry, for god's sake! What the hell do you want?"
Norman
watched his wife rash off toward home, then turned, stopped, and found himself
alone. He almost laughed--all that posturing, all the snide joy of letting her
know about Don, and it was wasted. His dramatic exit spoiled because he had no
way to get to the Starlite unless he walked the ten or twelve blocks.
"Nice
going, jerk," he muttered, shoved his hands into his pockets, and started
to follow her, grinning at the horns that blared out the victory, waving once
in a while when someone called his name, staring at the few faces he passed and
wondering what in hell there was about a lousy high school football game that
made people think all was right with the world.
He
paused to light a cigarette, bending away from the damp wind that promised rain
later on. The smoke was warm, and he enjoyed it for a minute, then scowled and
tossed the butt into the gutter. He licked his lips; he swallowed. He was
working himself into a bad, self-pitying mood, and that was hardly the way he
had to be when he faced Garziana.
He
straightened his back, let his arms swing, and whistled a silent march as he
moved on, thinking to call a cab when he got home and have both of them arrive
at the lounge in a flourish. A good entrance, first impressions, the mayor
would be pleased.
Think
about the game, he ordered; think about all that good feeling, all that
cheering, the rush when Pratt caught that first pass, the lucky sonofabitch.
His
stride lengthened, the whistle became audible, and when he had to stop at the
Snowden driveway to let Chris pull in, he even saluted her and gave her a grin.
And
waited.
To
watch as she slid out, long legs white in the streetlight, braids slipping and
sliding over her chest as she turned toward him and grinned, grabbed her
pompons from the backseat and rounded the back of the car.
"Hi!"
she said, cheeks flushed, eyes bright.
"Hi
yourself."
"Gonna
celebrate?"
"Damn
right."
"Me
too. Seeya."
She
ran up the walk, up the steps, and he didn't stop watching, knew what he was
doing and didn't give a damn. Right now Joyce was fussing with her hair, her
makeup, and beating herself to death over what Don had seen. It wouldn't hurt
to wait a few minutes, to let her calm down.
"Mr.
Boyd?"
He
looked. She was standing at the open doorway.
"Mr.
Boyd, my father--" And she gestured inside.
What
the hell, he decided; a celebratory drink with a rich surgeon wouldn't hurt.
Maybe a check for the campaign kitty if he played his cards right.
He
made a show of deliberation before nodding and following .her into the house.
Where
the door closed silently, where the lights were all out.
"Hey,
Chris," he said, suddenly nervous.
"I
was going to say," she said softly, "that he was out of town, but
wouldn't mind if I offered you something to celebrate the great game.
Mother
wouldn't either. She's in Florida for a vacation."
They
were shadows and half-light, and he reached for the doorknob, looked stupidly
at her fingers when they caught his wrist and held it.
For
a second. For two. One by one lifting to release him, the rustle of the pompons
as they dropped to the floor.
"Chris,"
he warned, but didn't reach again.
Dumb,
Boyd. Dumb, you stupid asshole.
"I
have to change," she said, and walked slowly up the stairs he hadn't
noticed on his left. She didn't look back, her hips and legs pulling him as if
they were beckoning.
He
considered only for a moment what he was doing, what he was getting himself
into, then decided with a sharp nod that being a saint hadn't kept him his
wife, hadn't kept him his son, and wasn't it about time he took what he wanted,
had what he deserved.
So
he followed, on his toes, and walked into a dark bedroom where he saw her on
the mattress. In dimlight, naked, her hands slipping across her breasts, across
her stomach, spreading to either side and kneading the sheet.
He
stood at the foot of the bed. He unbuttoned his shirt.
He
almost stopped when he saw her smile and thought it was a sneer.
"Celebrate,"
she said.
He
nodded, undressed, and crawled over her legs, held himself above her and looked
into her eyes. In the dark they were dark, showing nothing at all; and the
smile was still there, the upper lip curled.
"I
know what you're doing," he said in a whisper.
She
nodded and shifted to bring his gaze to her breasts.
"It
won't work." "Sure," she said, and grabbed for his shoulders.
He
resisted just long enough to show her he meant it, to show her who was boss,
then lowered himself while she guided him, and heard himself gasp. Felt himself
thrust. Looked up at her face and saw her staring at the ceiling.
Falcone
pushed in and closed the door, took Joyce by the shoulders and practically
dragged her into the dark living room. "He found out, didn't he? The
sonofabitch knows what's going on, doesn't he?"
"Of
course he does." "Jesus Christ!" he said, dropping his hands and
turning to the bay window. "Joyce, what the hell were you thinking
of?"
"Me?
All I wanted was someone to talk to. You were the one who couldn't keep his
hands to himself."
"I
didn't notice you screaming rape," he said quietly.
Streetlight
reached weakly into the room, building shadows out of furniture, adding pits
and slopes to his profile.
"But
you know what you do to me," she answered. "You know, and you
shouldn't have."
"Ah,
Christ, don't give me that, okay? That's soap opera stuff. You're a grown woman
and--"
She
saw his eyelids drop into a squint and she leaned around Norman's chair to look
out onto the lawn. No one could see in without a lamp on, but he might have
seen Donald coming up the walk; or worse, it could be
Norman.
"What?"
she whispered.
He
pointed. "You got me crazy, Joyce. I could have sworn I saw some kind of
animal out there."
She
laughed. It was going to be all right. Harry was making jokes now; it was going
to be all right.
"Look,
Harry, this isn't going to work. I've got to get back to Norman, so why don't
you--"
"Damn,
there it is again."
With
a smile she shook her head and moved to his side, looked out the window and saw
it in the yard.
Under
the trees the slope of its back nearly reaching the lower branches. Around it a
drifting fog, snaking through the grass and dropping from the leaves, blurring
its outline but not the green glow of its eyes.
"It's
a gag," Harry said. "Plaster or something. A cos tume. Is this one of
your kid's things?" His voice hardened. "Is that kid out there
playing games with us, Joyce?" "His name is Donald," she said
quietly, and gasped when its head rose and it looked straight at her.
"Jesus,"
Harry whispered, his head shaking slightly.
A
foreleg pawed the grass, and emerald flame curled into the air, strands of
green webbing that poked through the fog and reached for the house.
"I
haven't been drinking," Falcone said aloud to himself. "I swear to
god I haven't been drinking. What the hell is it, Joyce?"
But
she was staring up at the ceiling, toward the back where she knew
Don's
room to be, remembering the poster and the horse that had been there.
"It's
a gag," Harry insisted, "and I don't think it's funny."
She
looked out the window, and could see the stallion's muscles bunch at the
shoulders, shift at its haunches, and she barely had time to scream before it
leapt from the grass and came through the bay window.
She
dove to one side, her leg cracking against the armrest of Norman's chair, a
snowstorm of glass winking over her to the back where it bounced from the wall
and fell to the carpet, tinkling like bells in the dead cold of winter. She
twisted around as she fell and saw the stallion fill the room, saw Falcone
backpedal to the hearth, where he snatched up the poker and brandished it over
his head.
The
horse looked around and saw her pushing herself into the foyer. It snorted, and
the room filled with fog; it lashed out with a rear hoof and Norman's chair was
dashed into the corner, collapsing upon itself as it writhed in greenfire; it
turned back to Falcone and he swung the poker at its head, missed, and was
drawn offbalance a step off the hearth.
A
wedge of glass dropped from the ceiling where it had been stuck like a knife
blade.
Joyce
drew herself to her feet and sagged against the newel post as the stallion
lifted its head, lowered it, and grabbed Harry's jacket with its bright long
teeth. He screamed and tried to hit the beast again, but the horse shook him
ragdoll side to side; the smoke-fog thickened, greenfire flared, and as Joyce
shrieked and took the stairs, she heard the distinct sound of bones snapping, a
spine breaking, Harry's body released and slammed against the wall.
"Don,"
she whispered as she ran to the landing. "Don, save me, please save
me."
When
she turned to run into the hall, the stallion was in the foyer, green eyes
watching, the fog drifting up ahead of it and sweeping around her ankles,
filling her with a chill that made her bones ache, that made her eyes widen,
that slowed her when she ran to hide in her room.
On
the stairs then--hooves against wood, echoing, hollow.
The
pool in the oval was calm despite the wind, though every few minutes a gust
would escape from the branches and send ripples across it, bobbing the dead
leaves and sending some to the bottom. From the boulevard they could hear the
continuing victory parade, but they felt no need to join it. Instead, they huddled
together on a damp redwood bench and watched the black water.
"Divorce,"
Tracey said with a sympathetic shake of her head. She had changed into a shirt
and jeans and was wearing a light sweater under her school jacket. "God, I
don't know what to say."
Don
sniffed several times to keep back the tears, determined not to let
Tracey
see him cry. "They hate me, you know."
"Don't
be silly. They do not."
"Well,
they don't care, then. All they care about is themselves. Jesus, do you know
... I can't believe it, but do you know that last week Mom called me Sam?"
Tracey
pried one of his hands loose from between his knees and held it, rubbed it to
drive away the cold.
"And
I'm crazy, Tracey."
"Dumb."
"No,"
he said earnestly, turning to her, leaning closer. "No, I mean it.
I'm
crazy." He kept her silent with a look and took a slow breath. Now was the
time to do it, but the words he sought were impossible to order, and he shoved
himself to his feet and began pacing the oval. Tracey watched him patiently,
biting at her lips, lifting her shoulders when the breeze came again.
He
stopped on the other side of the pond and faced her, looking up at the trees
and the dark above the leaves. "I don't get it," he said with a
tremulous smile. "I mean, your folks fight, don't they? I mean, I know
what your father is like and all, but they have fights, right? So why don't
they get divorced? Why . . . what's the matter with me that Brian can't leave
me alone for one lousy minute?" His neck tightened, pulling his mouth
down; he lowered his gaze and saw Tracey watching him, her hands deep in her
coat pockets and forced together over her stomach. "I did something,
Trace," he said softly. "I did something."
She
stood and walked toward him, but he held out his hands to keep the water
between them. "What, Don? That nonsense about killing Tar?"
He
nodded.
"That's
stupid. You didn't do it."
He
nodded again, and put a hand to his forehead, massaged it, and drove it back
through his hair. "You don't understand."
"I
understand you're upset about Tar, and Mandy, and now this stuff with your mom
and dad. I can see that, Don, but you--"
"No."
The
word was quiet, and as effective as a slap. She took a step back and turned her
head away from the wind that engulfed them for a moment in a shower of dead
leaves.
And
at that moment Don started around the pond toward her, hoping the raw edges of
the leaves would cut him to shreds, would bury and smother him, and when they
blew away, there would be nothing left but a pile of slow shifting dust.
She
met him and embraced him, and he almost decided not to say anything more.
"Don?"
"Tracey,
look, let's go--"
She
pushed him away and glared at him, black hair fan- < ning over her eyes and
fanning away. "Jesus," she said, "do you think you're the only
kid with problems? What the hell makes you so special that you're the only
one?"
"Tracey!"
"You've
never been called a spic, have you? You've never had someone try to feel you up
just because you smiled at them.''
"Hey,
Tracey, please, I didn't--"
"You
know why my folks don't get divorced? Because my father is a worse
Catholic
than the Pope, what's why. Because if it came to it, my mother and father would
live together for the rest of their lives hating each other's guts, but god
forbid they even think about divorce." She put a fist to her cheek and
pressed it in hard. "I have to wear long skirts so you can't see my legs,
and I have to wear baggy blouses because my father doesn't want you to know I
have any tits."
"Jesus,
Tracey, I--"
"It's
like living in a convent, Don! I love him, don't get me wrong, but there are
times when I want to bust open his head. So ..." She pointed at him, her
hand trembling violently. "So don't you dare tell me you're the only one
around here with problems, all right? Don't you dare,
Donald
Boyd!" "Tracey," he said, taking a step toward her, "I
didn't mean that. I meant--"
"I
know," she said, suddenly smiling though there was a tear on her cheek.
"I know. But you don't seem to understand there's nothing you can do about
it. You can't run away, and you're too good to end up like
Brian."
She closed the gap and took his hands. "You have to live with it, Don.
Like me, I guess. You have to live with it."
She
hugged him. She lifted her face and she kissed him, and he tasted the sweet of
her, the soft of her, and for a second in that kiss he thought she was right.
But
it ended.
And
still holding her, he shook his head.
"Tracey,
you're wrong."
"About
what, Vet?"
"I
did something about it."
Joyce
dragged the bench from her vanity and shoved it against the door.
Then
she shoved it away and dragged the vanity over, toppling bottles of perfume and
lotion, stands that held her necklaces, a lamp and a pair of china figurines,
and she didn't make a sound when an ivory-handled hairbrush slipped and bounced
off her bare foot.
She
was sobbing noiselessly, cursing the long hair that kept falling into her eyes,
cursing Norman for not being here when she needed him.
In
the hall--hoofbeats sharp, slow, and steady.
An
armchair was next. She couldn't move the dresser, couldn't move the bed and
fell to the floor with her hands over her head, not wanting to listen to the thing
moving toward the room, not wanting to see the slips and fingers of fog
drifting under the door and over the carpet.
Then
she heard something else and her head jerked around,
her hands dropped to her robed lap, her eyes
widened while her mouth opened in a strangled, gurgling scream.
A
whickering, soft and low and deep--the thing in the hall telling her it was
coming in.
They
were still by the pond, and Tracey was growing angry.
"Now
listen," Don insisted. "Just one minute, okay?"
"Don,
I'm trying to help. I'm not an expert, Jesus knows, but you--" "I
asked you about wishing, remember?"
Her
eyes shifted side to side before returning to watch his face. "Yes."
"Do
you know ..." A hesitation while he waited for something he said to make
enough sense to keep that flicker of fear from returning to her eyes. "A
wish, I think, isn't just one thing. It's whatever you want it to be. It can be
like wishing for a million dollars to fall out of the sky on you, or maybe
getting all A's without doing any homework. Or it can be really wanting
something with everything you've got-- like you and your flute, y'know? You
want to make records and do concerts and make the most beautiful music in the
world, right?"
She
gave him a nod that was touched with confusion.
"And
I want to be a vet. I mean, what the hell's wrong with wanting to be a vet? I
want it so bad I dream about it, I wear it, for god's sake, and the ... the
only people who understand are my friends on the wall."
He
stopped and tried to turn away, but she wouldn't release him, only hugged him
once and tightly to force him to go on.
"I
talk to them," he continued in an embarrassed whisper. "I tell them
things. Everything. My stories, you know? And about Sam, and the folks, and
about goddamn Brian and Tar, and even a little bit ... a lot about you."
A
hard look now, to see if she was laughing. She wasn't; she was crying.
"I
needed a Mend, Trace. Things felt like they were falling apart and I needed a
friend, so I picked one out. A poster. A horse. I ..." He looked over her
head to the darkness beyond. "I made him come to me."
He
could see it then in her eyes, and the way her lips quivered though she tried
to keep them still with the press of a finger. Then her eyes cleared, and he
saw something else--she believed him now. She believed he had killed Tar.
When
he pushed her away, she didn't argue; when he snapped up a hand to stop her,
she did; when he smiled at her to prove he was under control and she didn't have
to be afraid, the smile he received in return was rigid and pale.
"All
right," he said.
The
wind strengthened, and above them, around them, branches clattered, leaves
scraped, the surface of the pond distorted their reflections.
West
of town there was thunder.
He
looked across the water and up the path, into the dark lane that led to the
ball field. He wasn't sure if he wanted to do this, but it was too late to stop
it. Tracey had to know or she would run away like the others, run back to Jeff
and leave him alone.
"Come
here," he said gently, as if talking to a friend too shy to leave the
night for the light that began to sparkle in the cold air.
Tracey
glanced toward the exit, her weight shifting to run in case he took a step
nearer.
"Come
on," he said gently. "It's me, remember?"
White
globes danced in the pool to the wind, and there was a moment when the water
turned in a circle, stretching his face and chest, merging his body with hers,
vanishing in an explosion of pale blue when lightning forked above the trees.
He
waited.
Tracey
reached out a hand.
"Come
on, boy," he whispered, as if talking to a pet.
Tracey
blinked back a tear.
It
began in the thunder and he wasn't sure he heard it, not until he felt her
suddenly at his side, gripping his arm tightly and looking wonderingly at his
face.
Slow
and steady hoofbeats at the far end of the tunnel lane, part of the thunder and
continuing after, unhurried and hollow, iron striking iron.
Tracey
pressed her mouth against his arm when she saw it pass through the farthest
pool of white. Darker than shadow. Sleek head bobbing, legs lifting as if
prancing, fog and greenfire swarming up its flanks.
"Don,"
she said.
But
he was too intent on watching the stallion, seeing it move through its own
billowing cloud, seeing the curls and streams of greenfire from its hooves,
seeing the greeneyes seeing him and knowing.
The
hooves echoed.
The
fog thickened.
And
when it reached the opposite end of the pool, it stopped and snorted and
stamped a foot that lanced flame toward the lightning.
"It's
not a trick, is it," Tracey said, shifting until she was partly behind
him.
The
thunder was louder, nearer, rustling the leaves.
Don
shook his head.
It
was there, and it was waiting, and it wouldn't take its eyes from him, didn't
move a muscle, its mane untouched though the wind blew his hair like needles
into his eyes.
"Oh,
my god . . . Tar," Tracey whispered, a cry caught in the name. "Oh,
god, Don, you weren't lying."
"And
I'm not crazy either."
The
fog.
Greenfire.
"I
wished him dead," Don told her without looking away from the horse.
"I
wished Tar dead."
Tracey's
eyes closed. "Don, tell it to go away." "It helps me," he
said.
"It
hears me and it helps me."
"Don?"
He smiled, open-mouthed and suddenly. "Damn, Tracey, do you have any idea
what this means?"
The
horse backed off, into the fog that streamed from its nostrils as it breathed
and moved, until its outline was a shadowed blur and its eyes were slanted
green.
Then
it vanished when an explosion of sirens erupted behind them. They whirled,
whirled back and the fog was snaking off into the trees, the pool raising
wavelets that slapped against the apron, and they spun about a second time when
they heard footsteps racing toward them.
It
was Luis Quintero, revolver drawn and followed by three other men.
When
he saw the two standing next to the water, he slowed and holstered his weapon,
but didn't stop until he reached them and grabbed Tracey's arms.
"Are
you all right?" he demanded. Then he looked hard at Don. "You. Are
you all right?"
"Dad!"
"You told me you would come here. When . . ." He looked at Don and
gestured to one of the men. "Take my daughter home at once."
"Dad,
what's going on?"
"Don,
please come with me." The voice was rough and solicitous, and Don looked
over his shoulder at the empty dark path. "Please, Donald, we have to
hurry." "What?" he asked.
More
sirens, and the thunder, and the first spatter of rain.
"No
more until we get you home."
He
balked, suddenly panicked. "Home? Mom? Is it Mom? My father?"
"Until
we get you there," Quintero repeated. "Be patient. I will help
you."
patrol car was parked askew at the boulevard
exit, and Don started for it at Quintero's gentle urging. Tracey was already
gone, looking through the rear window of a departing cruiser, one palm pressed
against the glass, her face obscured in glaring fragments by the streetlights
sweeping over it. Then, as a patrolman opened the door and gestured him in, he
looked up the avenue and saw two other police cars angled across the mouth of
his street, lights spinning while three officers put up a sawhorse barricade.
"Mr.
Quintero, what's going on?" "Don, please," Quintero said.
Don
gaped, then looked in the opposite direction and saw the cars, the lights, a
handful of people walking hurriedly toward his block. With a cry no one heard
he yanked his arm free and started to run, heedless of the traffic as he bolted
across to the islands, crashed through the shrubs and out the other side. A bus
swerved barely in time to avoid him. Quintero shouted several yards behind.
At
the mouth of the street he vaulted the barricade and ran a dozen feet before
slowing and taking to the righthand pavement, walking stiff-legged, his arms
flapping at his sides.
In
the yards his neighbors were standing alone and in small groups, porch lights
brightly white behind them and masking their faces; in the street was a fire
engine angled in toward his driveway, and at the curb were two cruisers whose
radios filled the air with abrupt bursts of static, whose lights bounced off
the dead branches, flared off the windows, while an ambulance van backed onto
the lawn.
He
walked on, half-stumbled, until a policeman grabbed his arm and tried to turn
him around. He protested and was released when Quintero barked an order; he
breathed through his mouth as he stepped off the curb and stared at his
house--at the ragged hole of the bay window, at the lamps on in every room with
shadows on the walls, in the garage, at the roof bleached by spotlights on the
sides of the cruisers.
"What?"
he gasped to Quintero when the man reached his side and laid a hand on his
shoulder. "What?"
A
siren. Firemen standing around the engine, smoking while they waited for the
word to go home. Flashlights. Voices in raised-whisper instructions.
"What,
Mr. Quintero?" he said, turning to Tracey's father 'with anguish in his
eyes.
"It
is all still very confused," the man said, trying to watch Don and the
house at the same time. "Someone--Mr. Delfield, you know him, I think--saw
smoke coming out of the house a little while ago. He called us, he called the
fire department."
White-jacketed
men backed out the front door, stretcher in hand, on the stretcher a green
plastic bag tied shut at the top.
"Oh,
my god!" Don sobbed, and took a step to run.
"No!"
Quintero snapped. "Not your mother, Don."
It
was the voice, not the hand, that stopped him again; it was the voice, not the
hand that told him who it was.
In
his house. That bastard had been with his mother, in his house.
how?"
Quintero
scratched his thick mustache nervously. "I don't know. Sergeant
Verona
is inside. I was for a while, and I saw no fire, nothing charred.
Just
. . ."He gestured toward the body being loaded into the van. As it pulled
away and another took its place, he said, "Do you know about
Tar?"
Don
nodded as his hope to believe this wasn't real failed.
"Like
that."
The
window was smashed inward, and as he watched, a section of frame wobbled and
broke free and tumbled to the ground.
A
man in a tuxedo started up the front walk, and paused when he saw Don by the
curb. He waved and hurried over, and Don felt his stomach begin to lurch. It
was Dr. Naugle, and he was talking before he even reached them.
"...
called me and I came right over. Donald, are you all right? Were you--" He
looked to Quintero. who shook his head. Then he put a hand to
Don's
face and felt the cold, the sweat, felt the chest begin to heave.
"Bring
him over here," he told the policeman, and for the moment Don didn't
argue--he let them walk him to the curb, where he was forced to sit down,
forced to look over his shoulder at the wreckage of the house, at the station
wagon still in the drive. "I'll be right back, Don. Stay right here. Can
you hear me, Don? You stay right here." Don thought he nodded; he wasn't
sure.
"Mom?"
"She
is not hurt," Quintero assured him. "I promise you, she is not
hurt."
"Then
where ..."
"In
her bedroom. The door ..." He looked around, searching for someone to tell
him to stop, to tell him this boy had no right to know how his mother was found
behind a barricaded door that had been almost bashed in.
"Dad,"
Don said suddenly, straightening and looking around.
"He's
not here."
He
stood and tried to pick out his father's face in the crowd growing on the lawns
opposite the house. The voices were clearer now, subdued and excited, a
post-game show to keep their spirits high. "Where's my father?" he
demanded. "Why isn't he here?" "Don," Quintero said, seeing
the look on his face. "Don, do you know what happened here? Do you know
who did this?" "No!" he said, angry he should be asked, afraid
he would be blamed. "No, I was with Tracey since the game ended."
A
voice stopped him. He spun to his right and saw Norman skirting the fire
engine, nearly tripping over a length of thick hose being wound into place. He
ran, and they collided, and his father hugged him tightly, asking over his
shoulder what was going on?
"Where
were you?" Don asked into the man's neck. "God, Dad, where were
you?"
Norman
thumped his back a couple of times and turned him away, keeping one hand around
his shoulder. "I was at the Starlite with the goddamn mayor. Your mother
was supposed to--Sergeant Quintero, what's going on?
Will
somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?"
The
ambulance attendants reappeared at the door, Dr. Naugle beside them.
Joyce
was on the stretcher, only her face visible above the sheet;
Norman
brushed the police aside as he ran for his wife.
Don
started after him, then turned to Quintero. "You said she was all
right," he accused through a spray of spittle.
"She
is not hurt," the man repeated.
"Then
why . . . ?"
The
stretcher was wheeled to the ambulance's back doors, and Norman watched
helplessly as they lifted her in. Then he said a word to Naugle and returned to
his son.
"She
was sitting on the floor," Quintero said, and said it a second time when
Norman drew near. "Her eyes were open, but she was in shock. That is all I
know, Mr. Boyd," he said loudly when Norman started to question. "But
there is still the matter of the other man. I--"
"Why
didn't you go with her?" Don asked his father. "Dad, why didn't you
go with her?"
Norman's
eyes were red-rimmed and puffed, the neck of his sweater sagging where he'd
pulled on it. He looked back at Naugle standing by the van, then stiffened and
Don saw Sergeant Verona making his way down the walk from the porch. The
detective took his hat off when he saw the
Boyds
waiting, and turned it slowly in his hands.
"Who
did it?" Norman demanded, one step short of grabbing the cop's lapels.
"Who the fuck did this to my house, to my wife? Was it Falcone?
Did
he--"
"I
don't know, Norm. I came as soon as I got word. Your wife obviously isn't up to
talking just yet, and the coroner there can only tell me
Falcone
was--" He stopped and looked at Don. "The place is a mess. It's like
a football team had practice in there with clubs and bats, for god's
sake." He motioned to Quintero and they moved off, heads together.
"Dad?"
"She's
in shock, like he said," Norman answered absently as he watched the two
men conferring. "She'll be all right. She's just in shock. Jesus
Christ,
will you look at that house? They'd better the hell leave someone around to
watch it or we'll get stolen blind." Don moved off the verge into the lawn
and stared in the window. The mantel was clear, one lamp's shade was cockeyed,
and he thought he could make out smears and stains on the back wall. A look to
the policemen, the firemen climbing back onto their engine, their breath
steaming, their coats rippling as the wind dropped under the trees to push down
the road. His father came beside him and touched his arm.
"Jesus,"
Norman said, staring at the house. "Jesus, it looks like somebody dropped
a bomb on it."
Don
couldn't think because there was too much to think, and he didn't protest when
he was pulled across the van, helped into the van. Naugle was perched beside
his mother; Norman came in behind and drew the doors shut.
He
didn't hear the siren wind up to a wailing; he didn't see the barricades
parting to let the ambulance through. He could only watch
Joyce
strapped under the sheet, all her hair pulled over one shoulder, an IV snaking
from its stand to her hidden arm. Her eyes were closed, her complexion sallow,
and ever so often Dr. Naugle would pat a handkerchief to her forehead and touch
a finger to her neck to check on her pulse.
"Jesus,"
Norman whispered. "Jesus, what a mess."
The
waiting room was small and filled with sculpted plastic chairs, a single
plastic couch, a low table stacked with magazines worn and some tattered as if
they'd been read. Don stood at the window overlooking the main entrance, one
foot tapping arhythmically on the checkered tiled floor. Every few seconds he
wiped a hand under his nose or buried it in his hair; every few seconds he
would turn to the swinging doors and stare down the hallway toward his mother's
room.
The
building was quiet. The passage of a nurse or doctor was soundless, and even
when one stopped to speak to another, he could see their lips moving and
couldn't hear a whisper.
He
wanted to leave.
He
didn't want to know what Joyce would say when she regained consciousness and
saw where she was; he didn't want her talking about a horse or Falcone, didn't
want her judged crazy when she insisted on the truth.
And
she would be. He knew it, and all of it would be his fault just because he had
tried to get things running his way.
And
the most terrible part wasn't the dying. That's what frightened him--it wasn't
the dying. Something had gone wrong, and he had somehow lost control. If, he
thought with the heels of his hands to his eyes, he had even had control in the
first place.
His
arms lowered slowly.
He
stared blindly out the window.
"Who
did it?" Norman asked quietly behind him.
Don
jumped and spun around, leaning back defensively against the sill.
His
father was jacketless now, more grey in the hair falling over his brow.
"What?"
Norman
glanced at the window, at the floor, and leaned a bit closer.
"I'll
bet it was some of your friends, wasn't it?"
"Friends?
Dad, what are you talking about? What friends?"
Norman's
fist bunched at his sides. "What the hell did you do to Pratt this time,
huh? What did you say to him now?"
"Nothing!
I don't understand. I don't know what you mean."
Norman
grunted with the effort to open his hands, and dropped onto the couch.
"Neither do I, son," he said wearily. "Jesus, neither do I. This
is ..." A forearm wiped hard over his face, a hand plucked at his
shirtfront. "Your mother is going to be all right. She's . . . like
Naugle
said, she's in shock."
Don
peered through the door panes. "Did she say anything?"
Norman
shook his head. "About who did it? No. Verona's in there now, hoping
she'll come around soon. But she isn't going to. Naugle says it's going to take
a while."
"Verona?
The police?"
Norman
leaned forward and picked up a magazine, flipped the pages and dropped it.
"Yep. Why not?" He laughed bitterly. "I have drinks with the
mayor and we're talking . . . well, we're talking, and the next thing I know
your mother is in here and Verona is calling me from the school because
Medley--"
Don
fumbled to a chair. "Mr. Hedley?"
"When
it rains, it pours, and don't you ever forget it," he said in disgust.
"D'Amato found him in the auditorium after the game. His body was on the
stage, hidden in the wings." Then he slammed his palms to the table,
looked up and glared. "This is crazy! What other town gets rid of one
madman and immediately replaces him with another?" He looked around the
room helplessly. "It's nuts. It doesn't make any sense. Jesus
Christ,
you try to protect your family, your future, and what help do you get, huh? You
don't get any, that's what. You get shit is what you get."
Don
pushed out of the chair.
Norman
looked up at him, eyes dark with rage. "If I find out Pratt had anything
to do with this, I'll kill him, you hear me?" "Brian doesn't kill
people," Don said, almost shouting. "How can you--"
"It
could have been an accident."
"What?"
"Sure.
The prick could have . . . well, it could have been Something that went wrong,
you know."
"Dad--"
Norman
wasn't listening. "Damned Falcone. Can you believe it, right in my own
house? It's crazy." He nodded, agreeing with himself. "It's goddamn crazy!"
Don
moved to the door and pushed it open.
"Where
are you going!" "Air," he said. "I need some air."
"Your
mother's in there. Don't you care that your mother's in there? We have to be
here when she wakes up."
"All
I need is a little air," he said, and let the door swing shut behind him,
let his feet take him across the corridor to the elevator.
He
pressed the button. He watched the doors slide open in balky stages.
He
stepped in just as Sergeant Verona left his mother's room. The detective raised
a finger for him to wait a minute, but Don let the doors close and sagged
against the rear wall.
He
gave the doors a slightly skewed grin.
In
a way it was kind of funny. His father was right in blaming him for what
happened, but for all the wrong reasons. But that he was blaming him in the
first place wasn't funny at all.
The
cage thumped to a halt, the doors opened, and he blinked at the lower floor's
glare as he followed a short hall into the main lobby. A man ran a polisher over
the floors, the machine humming softly; a young woman at the reception desk was
reading a book and smoking. Neither of them looked at him as he crossed the
gleaming floor, and he could see no police or security guards on duty either at
the reception desk or at the revolving doors as he pushed through to the
outside.
Cold;
it was cold, and he leaned his head back to drink the night air.
"There
you are!"
He
started and half-turned to retreat inside when, suddenly, Tracey was there and
her arms were around him.
"I
told Mother to go to hell," she said, half-laughing, half-crying.
"She
said I had to stay home and I told her to go to hell. God, am I gonna get
killed when I get back."
Hesitantly
his arms went around her; gratefully he lowered his face to rest against her
hair. He didn't care if anyone was watching, but he would have killed the first
person who tried to break them up.
Another
hug and she said, "C'mon, I want to talk to you." She took his arm
and guided him along the arc of the circular drive leading on and off the
hospital grounds. To the right was the visitors' parking lot, empty and barely
lighted by three-foot pillars at the corners, and they crossed it with out
speaking, Don only once looking up at the building to see if he could pick out
his mother's room.
At
the far, darkest side they found a concrete bench under a half-dozen skeletal
cherry trees and sat down, staring across the empty blacktop to the brick posts
that marked the hospital's entrance. Across the street there were houses as
black as the near-leafless trees that marked the edge of the sidewalk. No cars
passed. No horns sounded. It was a hospital zone, and no celebrations were
wanted.
"How's
your mother?" she asked then, covering his hand with one of hers.
Haltingly,
pausing frequently to clear his throat and stretch his neck to shake loose the
obstructions he found there, he explained what the police had told him and what
his father had said about Mr. Hedley. Then he told her what he knew had really
happened, what they wouldn't believe even if his mother had seen it and could
talk.
"But
I didn't do it!" he added heatedly, his insistence almost begging.
"Trace,
you know me, I wouldn't wish my own mother . . ." He remembered.
Suddenly,
like a sharp elbow in the stomach, he remembered.
"My
father wanted to know if it was one of my friends."
"What?
I don't believe it."
"I'm
not lying, Trace. He wanted to know if I'd said or done something to good old
Brian to make this happen."
"He
couldn't have been serious. I mean, he's worried and all, Don. He's not
thinking straight."
He
wasn't sure, and was no longer sure he cared. "He was with the mayor, can
you believe it? He was having drinks with the mayor while my mother almost
died!"
"Mr.
Falcone did," she reminded him softly.
"I
know." He turned to her urgently. "And you know why she didn't
die?"
Tracey
shook her head, changed her mind, and nodded. "The park."
He
leaned back and looked up at the sky, wondering what had happened to the rain,
what had happened to the thunder. It had been all figured out, and now it was
all changed. Even in his own world the Rules didn't stay the same.
"But
they do," she said, and he blinked before realizing he had spoken aloud.
"That. . . that thing, Don. It's yours."
"But
I didn't tell it to kill--"
"I
know, I know," she said. "I know, but it's more than you think."
His
eyes closed slowly; he was tired. Ashamed because suddenly he was so tired all
he wanted to do was curl up in her lap and fall asleep.
"I
shouldn't believe any of this anyway," she said quietly, as if talking to
herself. "It's not possible. I know what I saw, and I know what you said,
but it's still not possible."
"It
is," he said, watching stinging colors swirl across his eyelids.
"Jesus,
it is." "I thought about it all the way home, and all the way over
here. I thought about you making me see things that weren't really there. Like
one of your stories. And I thought about how I wanted to help you so much that
I'd even see King Kong if you told me to."
Her
breath came in harsh pants; he didn't open his eyes.
"I
thought about it, but Don, I saw it. So ... so I thought about it like it was
real, and what you said about it--it isn't right, Don. It isn't right."
His
head swiveled slowly. "It wants to help me, don't you understand that? It
came because I needed help, and it helps me. But I swear to god
I
didn't say anything about--" "No, Don," she said, turning her
head as well. "No, it's protecting you, and that's not the same."
Norman
didn't think he could take another nasty surprise. He slumped back on the couch
and stared at the acoustical tiles on the ceiling, only a flutter of a hand or
a slight jerk of his head letting the detective know he was still listening.
Though why he should, he didn't know. Verona, for all that he was an obvious
hard worker, wasn't anywhere near finding the answer to this mess.
"All
right," he said finally, rolling to sit upright. "All right, Tom,
I've
heard enough. It's crazy and you know it." And: crazy, he thought, is
getting to be the word around here.
"You're
not telling me anything I don't already know." Verona rubbed at a dark
pouch under one eye. "But what am I supposed to think? I know it's hard,
especially now, but what in god's name am I supposed to think?" He held up
one hand and pointed with the other to a finger. "The lab tests show that
Don didn't hit that man with the tree branch like he said he did. There was
nothing to indicate that Boston had been struck by a car. Adam Hedley looked
just like them, and I'll be damned if I'll believe that a car drove into your
school, down the aisle, jumped the stage, and ran him over. Then there's
Falcone--"
,
"Oh, Christ, Tom, will you listen to yourself?" Norman picked up a
magazine as if he were going to throw it. "One--you can't find the tests.
Two--by your own admission there was nothing to show Boston hadn't been hit by
a car either. And I refuse to believe that my son, through some mysterious means,
managed to subdue two men and a kid and bash them to death, one of them right
in the middle of 'Park Boulevard."
He
leaned back heavily. "Besides, he was home when Hedley was killed, and he
was with Tracey Quintero when Falcone . . ."He choked. He refused to say
it one more time.
Verona
threw up his hands, more in frustration than in defeat, and
Norman
almost felt sorry for him. In fact, he knew he did. The man was grabbing for
any straws he could find, and only Don's encounter with the
Howler
and those elusive lab tests gave him any sort of connection.
"Joyce,"
Verona said, "spoke his name several times."
"Well,
Jesus, man, he's her son!"
Joyce
had slipped into a deep sleep at last, and Naugle had summoned them both into
the room when she began muttering in a dream.
"She
also said 'a horse,' if you recall." His smile was brief and mirthless.
"Tell you what--I'll go for the car in the school if you'll go for the
horse in my house."
"She
could have been talking about drugs."
"For
god's sake, get serious!"
He
was tired. He wanted to go home. The only decent news he had had all evening
was that John Delfield had gotten some of the neighbors to help him erect a
temporary shield of plywood across the smashed bay window.
He
reminded himself to drop the man a note, perhaps enclose a check to reimburse
him for the materials.
A
door squeaked open and Naugle came in, bringing Norman to his feet.
"I
gave her an injection," the doctor said. "Otherwise, there's no
change."
"A
shot? What for?" "She wasn't asleep deeply enough," Naugle said.
"She's
having some pretty hairy nightmares, and I don't want her any weaker than she
is." "Great," Norman said, dropping back to his seat.
"That's]
just great."
"You
might as well go home."
Norman
almost agreed before shaking his head. He wanted to stay. If he left, he might
check to see if Chris was still home, still in her bed, still ... He shook his
head and shuddered, and Naugle patted his shoulder.
A
car pulled into the parking lot, blinding them with its headlamps. Don threw up
a hand and cursed softly, but Tracey only patted his shoulder and stood.
"I
think it's Jeff," she said, squinting as the beams swung away from them
and the car stopped.
"Jeff?"
She
started off the grass. "Yeah. I called for a ride home. I sure wasn't
going to ask my father."
"Well,
I would have taken you, you know," he protested, following her to the
door. "God, Tracey--"
She
turned and put a hand to his chest. "Not now, Don, okay?"
"But
what are we going to do? About--"
She
sucked in her cheeks, bit down on the inside. "I don't know. I mean
...
I don't know."
The
door opened and Jeff, his glasses catching the light and turning his eyes
white, smiled ruefully when Don leaned down to peer in.
"Hey,
man, I'm sorry."
"Yeah.
It's . . . yeah, thanks."
Tracey
slid in and took hold of his hands, pulled him close and kissed him.
"There," she whispered with a small satisfied smile. "So
there."
"But
I need you," he pleaded, ignoring Jeffs puzzled look. "What am I
going to do now? I need you, Tracey!"
"I
know. And I'll see you tomorrow, okay? If I don't go now, I won't get out of my
house until my funeral." She kissed him again, quickly.
"Please,
Don, just stay here, okay? It'll be all right if you just stay here. I'll be
back , tomorrow, first thing." "Promise," he said tightly.
"Promise."
He
didn't like it, but he could do nothing about it. She was right, and he knew
it, but he didn't have to like it. As he didn't have to like giving a quick
report on his mother to Jeff, who kept leaning over
Tracey
and asking him questions until, at last, she poked him on the shoulder back
behind the wheel.
Then
they were gone.
The
car swung around and they were gone, and Don tasted the memory of her kiss, the
touch of her hand, and felt the frustration begin to rise in his chest.
She
should have stayed!
If
she loved him . . .
He
looked away, looked back to the drive.
Love
him?
But
how the hell could she love him and still hurt him this way, leaving him when
he needed her to keep from going crazy, leaving him when he needed her to help
him escape?
His
hands slammed into his jacket pockets and he watched his breath turn to fog.
She
had to be right, he thought then. She had to be.
The
wind tangled in the cherry trees, the thin branches snapping as if torn from
their trunks.
But
she should be here, he argued; she shouldn't leave me alone when I need her the
most. She shouldn't! He raised a fist and only with an effort did he bring it
to his mouth instead of shaking it at the image of Jeff's car on the drive.
Damn
you, Jeff! God damn you, you're supposed to be my goddamned friend!
The
wind keened over the hospital. A flare of water rose beneath a light, another
on the drive, and he felt a raindrop on his hand.
And
heard a hoofbeat behind him, soft on the grass.
He
looked down at the tarmac and saw the ghost of a fog slip between his feet.
Turning
slowly, he watched the cherry trees dance, narrowing his eyes against the dust
the wind raised.
Then
he saw the spots of green floating in the air, saw the sparks rising, saw the
shadow of the stallion as it stood there unmoving. His legs nearly gave way,
but the stallion tossed its head, and he staggered toward it, ignoring the
pressure growing in his chest, ignoring the needled stinging building in his
eyes. He stepped onto the grass, and he reached out a hand.
And
the neck was warm, and it was smooth, and the nose when it nuzzled into his
palm was the comfort of velvet.
"God,"
he whispered, neither a prayer nor a name.
It
whickered softly, and when he turned his head sideways, he looked into the
emerald fire that glowed out of the fog.
"He
took her away," he said. "He took her away, and she's supposed to
love me." He slipped his hands into the mane untouched by the mist and
stroked the neck again. A bubble in his chest around a nugget of fire.
"You
know what?" he said softly. "Dad thinks I did it--the house, Mr.
Falcone."
He laid his cheek against the warm black mane. "The creep."
The
bubble grew, and there was heat in his lungs. "The bastard. And you know
what else? Do you know what else? That cop is back, and he keeps looking at me
like I'm some kind of freak." It was hard to breathe, and there in the
4&rk were swirling spots of red. "It was my medal, my time, and Brian
ruined it. Donny the fucking Duck!" He backed away, and the bubble burst.
"I can't even get a stupid medal without somebody taking it away! What the
hell do I have to do, huh? What the hell do I have to do?"
He
turned to walk away, turned back and pointed at the street, his arm so rigid it
began to tremble.
''And
she goes away with him, just when I need her! What the hell kind of love is
that, huh? What the goddamned hell kind of love is that when you ..."
The
fog. And the red. And the black shadow in the trees.
"What
am I going to do?" he asked. "What am I going to do?"
A
hoof pawed at the ground (greenfire), the eyes narrowed, the head raised.
He
stepped away, and blinked, and suddenly knew what he had said when the red
vanished and the fire died away.
"No,
wait a minute," he said, and stretched out a hand. "God, no, I didn't
mean--"
It
was gone.
Don's
mouth opened, and no sound came out.
It
was gone, the fog swirling around black laced with fire, and there no question,
now, about what Tracey meant.
It
wasn't helping him at all. It was protecting him against hurt, and it didn't
make any difference whether he willed it or not. When he hurt, he was rid of
whatever had caused it. Imagined or not.
Tracey?
Oh Jesus, please not Tracey!
Anguish
twisted his features, fear jerked him around, and whatever he cried was lost in
the wind, and the sheeting cold rain that bore down on his head.
he saw it in the outside mirror.
The
sudden downpour had startled Jeff into slowing, the store- and streetlights
broken into kaleidoscopic shards that smeared on the blacktop and ran down the
windshield. The wipers worked as fast as they could, but it was nearly
impossible to see where they were going, and she was about to ask him if he'd
pull over and wait when she rubbed the back of her neck and glanced to her
right.
And
saw it.
And
suddenly it was too late to talk, too late to turn around, and too late to
explain why the air in her lungs was suddenly barbed and the rain had suddenly
grown intolerably loud.
Twisting
around, a hand braced on the dashboard, she saw the empty street behind her,
reflections and distortions and blossoms of water short-lived on the tarmac.
And the pocket of dense fog that moved steadily toward them, ragged edges
ripped away by the wind, its bottom spilling under parked cars to the gutters
to mingle with the rain. It reached no higher than the telephone poles, did not
spread to the sidewalk--it followed them as though being towed, and when they
slipped through a stretch of unlighted shops, she saw in its center the
greeneyes, the greenfire, the suggestion of shadow darker than itself.
"Jeff,"
she said fearfully.
"Boy,
he looked terrible," Jeff said, fighting with the wheel to keep the car
from sliding on the oil-slick avenue. "God. I don't know how he keeps it
together, y'know? If I were him, I'd probably look for the nearest cliff, you
know what I mean?"
"Jeff,
please."
"Trace,
I'm doing the best I can, but I can't pull over here. There isn't any room. You
want a bus to come up and bash us into New York?
Take
it easy, we're almost there."
Thunder
was the rain that slammed on the roof; lightning was the flare of swinging
traffic signals straining against their wires.
"Jeff,
go faster."
He
looked at her, amazed. "What? In this? But you just told me to slow down,
Tracey!"
"Jesus,
Jeff, don't argue!"
He
saw her looking out the back and checked the rearview mirror, frowning at the
white that filled the back window. "What-the hell is that? It can't be
spray, I'm not going that fast."'
Greenfire
that licked and curled toward the car.
Tracey
closed her eyes and prayed. Even in talking with Don she didn't believe it, was
more inclined to think she had been infected by his own fantasy, his
understandable and unnecessary need to get away for a while. She'd known those
moments herself, but never so intensely, never so importantly that she'd
thought them real.
A
white ribbon drifted over her window and she rubbed at it frantically, hoping
it was only condensation from her shal low breathing. It didn't leave, she
couldn't banish it, and she turned to Jeff and urged him to hurry.
"Tracey,
look--"
The
fog dropped a strand over the windshield and she muffled a scream, jammed her
foot down on his, and pressed the accelerator to the floor.
Jeff
yelled in alarm and shoved her away, and the car began to slide from one side
of the street to the other, narrowly missing a parked car, a tipped garbage
can, the point of a curb. He sawed at the steering wheel, touched and released
the brake, his mouth open and swearing while he stared at the road ahead.
Alongside,
then. It was coming up on her side and she whimpered Don's name.
"Tracey,"
he said nervously, "what's going on?"
She
had to look away. She had to look at him because of the abrupt fear that
pitched his voice high and pulled his lips away from his teeth. His glasses
were slipping down his nose, and he kept tossing his head back because he
didn't dare release his hands. He was pale, and in the stuffy car his face was
running perspiration.
The
wind buffeted them, shoved them, and the wiper on her side stuck midway to the
top.
"I
gotta stop," he said. "We're going too fast, I gotta stop or we'll
crack--"
"No!"
she screamed, and lunged for the accelerator again.
He
swung out a frantic arm and caught her across the throat. She gagged and fell
back, gulping for a breath, shaking the tears from her eyes, turned her head
slowly and inhaled a scream when she saw the stallion's left shoulder even with
her door.
It
lowered its head, and she saw the green unwinking eye.
Jeff
yelled then and the car swung into a skid, helped by the wind and pummeled by
the rain. Tracey slapped one hand to the dashboard to brace herself, put her
right hand over the door handle in case she had to leap out.
The
car slewed, spun, and they were thrown to the roof when it thumped over a curb,
were thrown back, then snapped forward when it crashed into a tree that loomed
out of the fog. Tracey's arm took the shock to her shoulder, and she moaned but
kept her head from striking the windshield.
Jeff,
however, had been knocked into the wheel and he was slumped over it when she
was able to clear her vision, a sliver of blood at the corner of his mouth, his
arms limp at his sides.
"Jeff!
Oh, Jeff, please!"
She
tugged at him, pushed him, but he only sagged back and slid over, landing
partially on her lap. The fog seeped through a crack in his window.
"Jeff,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She eased him upright, kicked open her door, and
fell to her knees into the street. The car was half up one of the boulevard
islands, a maple cracked over its top and scraping the roof with its branches.
Shading her eyes against the rain, she tried to see how close she was to home,
how close the stallion was. But there was only the mist being shredded by the
rain and the dark bulk of the car rocking slowly in the wind.
On
your feet, she ordered, and did it; find yourself, she demanded, and she did
it, gasping when she realized they were far past her street, had jumped the
island across from the park's entrance.
The
boulevard was empty.
She
staggered around the back of the car and held her hair away from her eyes as
she reached for the driver's door. The wind kicked her against it, and hot
needles of pain spun around her shoulder and spiraled her back. She gasped. Her
mouth opened and filled with rain. She spat and reached again, and uttered a
short cry.
The
boulevard was empty, except for the stallion galloping down the east-bound
lane--neck stretched and greenfire, ears back and greeneyes, billows of
smoke-fog filling the air around it, the sound of its hooves replacing the
rain's thunder.
Which
way? Oh Jesus, which way?
There
was no escaping, but there could be stalling, long enough, she hoped, for Don
to understand and come after her. And the only place she knew that he would
think of right away . . .
With
a shriek of hatred at the charging animal, and despair for leaving
Jeff,
she let the wind push-shove her across the lane and past the wall.
Into
the park where half the lights had been knocked out. Running toward the pond
where the water slapped over the sides.
He
ran.
Slapping
the rain from his face, ignoring the puddles that grew into lakes, Don ran
toward the center of town. It occurred to him Jeff might have taken her home,
but he couldn't be sure. By now Tracey knew it was after her, and she wouldn't
want any of her family hurt. And there was no place else to go where she was
sure he would follow--she had to be at the park, waiting if she were still
alive.
He
scowled and punched his chest. He couldn't think like that or it was over; he
had to know she was alive and somehow avoiding the stallion.
Maybe
in the trees where it might not be able to maneuver so well; maybe along the
wall to keep it between them. But she was alive. She had to be alive. What the
hell would be the sense if that damned thing got her?
At
home, though, was her father, and her father's gun. He didn't know what could
stop it, if anything could, but Tracey would have to be thinking of a weapon to
defend her, and the best one would be where her father's guns were kept.
Oh,
Christ, he thought; make up your mind!
Stop,
he yelled then, without moving his lips; stop, don't do it, it's
Tracey
and I didn't mean it!
If
it heard his hurt, it must hear his pleading; if he was in control, it couldn't
not obey. Unless, under the new rules, it protected without question.
Oh,
Christ, he thought; make up your damned mind!
He
wasn't going fast enough. He would never be able to outrun Jeffs car, or outrun
the horse. He had to stretch out, he had to reach, he had to beat the wind to
wherever he was going.
He
was going too fast and he was going to slip and break a leg if he wasn't more
careful; he was going to run out of steam and be too late if he didn't pace
himself like always.
A
race, he told himself; a race, and there they are, looking out their windows
watching, cheering silently, waving flags and tooting horns as he swept under
awnings, went with the wind instead of trying to fight it, his sneakers
splashing a wake behind him, his arms cutting through the cold rain to give him
room to move.
They
were cheering because he was Don Boyd, and he was going to make it.
He
fell.
The
curb was under several inches of water backed up from a storm drain, and he
misjudged the edge. His hands raked along the blacktop, the knees of his jeans
tore open and spilled blood into the street. He whimpered, and cursed, and kept
pushing himself forward until he was on his feet again.
Running.
In
silence.
The
windows were empty, there were no crowds watching, there were no bands or
hurrahs or photographers waiting along the route that had him swerve into the
street, using the parked cars now to push him with a slap of his hand, wondering
where the traffic was, dodging around an
Ashford
Day banner stripped from its mooring and flapping in the street feebly where
tomorrow there'd be a parade.
Running.
In
silence.
Tempted
to swing into the Quinteros' neighborhood, just in case he was wrong, sobbing
when he realized he had no time for a choice; the park, or Tracey's house, and
if he made a mistake, somebody would die.
She
sprinted into the oval, knowing enough not to look behind her in case she lost
ground. A globe flickered and went out. The rain was stained silver. She tried
to veer around the pond, but the leaf-coated apron shifted under her feet and
she went down on her shoulder.
Screaming.
Writhing. Almost welcoming the dark cloud that crested and settled over her. At
least it would dull the pain; at least it would keep her from seeing herself
die.
But
the cloud lifted and the rain woke her, and she leaned on one hand and looked
down the path.
It
was there.
Standing
in the entrance, oblivious to the storm, head and flanks shining as if coated
in thin ice.
Panting
against the wind that stole the breath from her mouth, she staggered to her
feet and let the wind push her backward. On either side the trees waited, yet
she couldn't stop herself from looking as the stallion began to move, legs
slowly lifting, head slowly bobbing, the greenfire from its hooves lighting its
way.
The
park.
It
had to be the park, and he didn't know why, and he was close to weeping as he
ran past Beacher's, past the theater, and saw Lichter's car canted on the
island.
He
slowed as he swung up to the wreck and saw Jeff lying on the front seat and
Tracey nowhere in sight. He apologized to his friend by touching the window as
if he were touching his hand, then veered sharply across the lane and ran
through the gates.
The
oval was ahead, and he tried to call out, but there was nothing left in his
lungs but the air that moved his legs, pumped his arms, dried his throat as he
opened his mouth to find one more breath to keep him from stopping.
And
once there, it was empty.
He
staggered and slowed when the sodden leaves threatened to spill him, his arms
out for balance until he reached the path again.
Then
he stopped.
He
looked back.
He
called Tracey's name, hands cupped around his mouth, eyes blinking at the rain
that tore through the branches and ran down his back, his chest, filled his
sneakers, and made him still with the cold.
Half
sideways, he began to run toward the field, always checking behind in case he
had missed her. Calling. Demanding. Spinning around at a flare of lightning and
seeing her sprawled on the ground . . . seeing the stallion beside her, teeth
bared and hooves pawing.
"No!"
he screamed, and Tracey turned and saw him.
"No!"
he screamed, and the stallion swung its head around.
He
stumbled and flailed across the muddied field, shaking his head and stretching
his hand out toward her without taking his eyes from the horse that backed
away.
green/ire and greeneyes and fog lifting to the
storm at his approach.
Tracey
got to her feet and fell against him when he reached her, but he shoved her
behind him when the stallion lifted its head high.
"No,"
he said, a palm out to stop it.
Its
head, higher; its rear legs slightly bent.
"No!"
he shouted, both hands out now as it lifted itself off the ground, its forelegs
outstretched and the greenfire that sparked from them crackled through the
rain.
"No!"
he screamed. "No! Go away!"
Greeneyes
so narrowed they nearly vanished in the fog.
"I
don't need you!" Don screamed as the stallion rose higher. "I don't
need you, goddamnit! Just . . . just leave me alone!"
Higher
still, and blacker.
"Goddamnit!
Goddamnit! Leave me alone!" Higher until Don dropped to his knees, hands
out, eyes raging, feeling the blood rush to his face feverish and stinging.
Tracey
buried her face in his back.
He
screamed again, and again, swinging his arms back and forth to counter the
thick mist that poured from the stallion and obscured the greenfire, buried the
greeneyes, suddenly scattered like a window shattered by the wind.
Don
cowered away from it with a gasp at the touch of its dead cold, shifted, and
threw his arms protectively around Tracey. She hugged him tightly, desperately,
and they watched as best they could while the storm took over, the rain
penetrated the fog and finally pummeled it to the ground.
And
when it was gone, they were alone; the stallion was gone.
"Oh,
Don," Tracey gasped as he helped her to her feet. "Oh, god, I was so
frightened."
"Yes,"
he said, and headed for the path, pulling her behind him until she had to run
to catch up.
"Don!
Don, what ..."
He
didn't answer. A single urgent look, and he began to run again, not fast enough
to outstrip her, but fast enough to get him past Jeffs car before anyone
noticed it was there. He swung left, toward home, and
Tracey
followed with one hand gripping her torn shoulder. There were no questions, and
he was glad because he wasn't sure he really knew what he was doing.
The
police were gone. The yards and houses were dark. He puzzled at the plywood
nailed over the bay window, but he didn't stop to look. He rushed up the steps
and grabbed for the doorknob.
"Oh,
shit!" he yelled, thumping the door with a fist. "Damn, it's
locked." He turned and started down, hesitated on the walk before pulling
Tracey with him into the garage. The door here was open, and he stumbled into
the kitchen, staggered down the hall. He didn't look at the living room
wreckage, didn't feel the cold saturating the walls, but hauled himself up the
stairs and into his room.
Tracey
came up behind him, her eyes glazed with pain.
Don
switched on the light and looked at the poster over his desk. "Oh,
god," he said.
The
trees, the lane, and there at the back, the stallion frozen in running.
I'm
sorry, he thought; I'm sorry.
And
he ripped it from the wall, crumpled it into a ball, and ran downstairs again
and into the kitchen. After two hapless attempts he managed to turn on the
stove and held the poster over the flame until it caught in several places.
"Don?
Don, help me."
When
he felt the fire begin to scorch his wrist, he dropped the burning paper into
the sink and watched it char, watched it flare, watched it spark and crackle
and sink into paper embers.
"Don,
please help me." "Yeah," he said. "Don the Superman to the
rescue."
a cool night in late October, a Sunday, and
clear--a bold harvest moon pocked with grey shadows, and a scattering of stars
too bright to be masked by the lights scattered below; the chilled breath of a
faint wind that gusted now and then, carrying echoes of nightsounds born in the
trees, pushing dead leaves in the gutters, rolling acorns in the eaves,
snapping hands and faces with a grim promise of winter.
A
cool night in late October, a Sunday, and dark.
.
. . and so the boy, who really wasn't a bad kid but nobody really knew that
because of all the things he had done, he looked up in the tree . ..
"Don,
for god's sake, give me a break, okay? I'm not one of those dumb little kids of
yours, you know. I don't believe in fairy tales."
He
laughed silently at the telephone and snuggled closer to the wall, stretching
his legs out until his bare feet were braced against the staircase. The chill
of the wood felt good against his soles. "I thought you liked my stories.
I thought you needed something to take your mind off things."
Tracey
groaned loudly. "I'm in pain, Vet, remember? I am a patient of the only
hospital in the world that serves food the Geneva Convention banned from World
War Two. And I am not supposed to be tortured."
"Torture?"
he said, his voice high-pitched and insulted. "I don't recall you ever
thinking I was torture before."
"I
didn't say you," she answered softly. "I wasn't talking about
you."
"I
know," he said just as softly. "That was a joke."
"Oh."
A pause. She forced a laugh. "I see. A joke."
Water
ran in the kitchen. He looked in and saw his father at the sink, a towel over
his shoulder, an unlighted cigarette dangling from his mouth--the same thing he
had been watching for the past three days.
"Well,
listen," Don said.
.
. . and he saw the crow sitting on the highest branch in the biggest tree in
the world. A big crow. The biggest crow he had ever seen in his life. And the
boy knew, he really and truly knew, that the crow was going to be the only
friend he
'had
left in the world. So he talked to the crow and he said . . .
"Enough,"
Tracey pleaded with a laugh. Then, abruptly solemn, "Please,
Don.
No more. You promised me no more." He sighed and nodded. "All
right." "Are you okay?"
"I'm
supposed to ask you that, remember?" "You know how I am. I want to
know how you are." He was fine, he thought, all things considered. After
he had taken Tracey to the hospital in the station wagon, fighting the rain
that washed in through the broken windshield, he had waited until they had
brought Jeff in as well. A concussion and some deep lacerations, he was told,
nothing more, and his statement to the police had been accepted without
question--he had gone for a walk after leaving his father, and saw the results
of the accident, ran home to call since it was only a block away, and found
Tracey wandering around in a daze.
He
supposed, when he was asked, they had skidded during the storm.
His
mother was still unconscious, and Dr. Naugle had put him in charge of his
father. To get some sleep, some food, so he would be ready when she woke up.
"Don,
I have to go. The wardens have come with the pills." "All
right," he said. "I'll come around tomorrow."
They
rang off, and he wandered into the kitchen, watched his father silently, then
went up to his room. He was exhausted, and he dropped onto the bed and fell
asleep almost instantly, not waking until after midnight to undress and sleep
again.
At
school on Monday he spoke to no one, avoiding their puzzled eyes, cutting
biology when he saw the substitute at the head of the room. He ran for an hour
afterward, feeling oddly distanced from the sound of his feet on the red cinder
track, as if he were floating through a tunnel, looking for someone he knew he
wouldn't find. Then he went home to fix his father's supper. Norman ate little,
smoking as he did, finally pushed his plate away and left the room without a
word.
Don
didn't follow. He rinsed off the dishes, dried them and put them in the
cupboard, then went upstairs to change his clothes for the evening visit to his
mother, Jeff, and Tracey. When he came down again, Norman was at the door,
impatiently jingling the keys to the car he had rented while the station wagon
was being repaired.
"You
know," he said as he drove through the wet streets, "you seem awfully
calm these days."
Don
shrugged.
"And
it seems to me you're spending an awful lot of time with that girl."
"She's
a friend. So's Jeff."
"And
your mother is your mother. I think it would help if you stick around her room
a bit more."
"Okay."
He
could feel his father look at him, not quite glaring, but he didn't much care
one way or the other. He had been trying to sort out everything he felt, and it
bothered him that he couldn't make up his mind whether or not he should feel
guilty. He was afraid something had happened to him that night in the park, and
just as afraid that he might blurt out the truth and be considered a case for
the men in the white coats. His father, on the other hand, had spent a lot of
time on the phone--with the mayor, with several board members, and with Dr. Naugle.
Don
was ashamed to think Norman was more worried about the mayor.
On
Tuesday Jeff was released and showed up after school to watch him run. There
were questions, but he didn't ask them, and Don soon stopped worrying about
what the boy had seen. Even if it had been just a glimpse, it could easily be
explained as an aftereffect of the accident.
On
Wednesday he decided not to use the track but to walk home right after last
class. There was homework to do, and his father would have to go to see his
mother alone.
"Hey,
stranger!"
He
stopped and turned around, and shifted his feet when Chris came running up, her
hair unbound, her shirt out of her jeans.
"Hi,"
he said.
"God,
you've been a ghost, you know that?" she said. "Where've you been
hiding?"
He
gestured toward the house, toward the men on ladders fixing the window.
"Cleaning up, seeing my mom . . . you know."
"Yeah.
Hey, I'm sorry about what happened."
She
moved closer, and he could smell the perfume she used.
"Is
it true," she said, "that your father is leaving?"
"Yeah.
A leave of absence. What with all the trouble and my mom and all, he needs the
time, you know?" "Boy, do I," she said. "Is he really going
to run for mayor?"
He
shrugged. "I don't know. He's thinking about it, but I have a feeling
things have .changed." Then he looked at her eyes and saw something
missing. Her expression was friendly enough, her tone as gentle, but there was
still something missing and he couldn't figure it out.
"Hey,
uh, look," he said at last. "It's Halloween this weekend, and . .
.
well, we kind of got screwed up last week, because of what happened.
And
I was wondering . . . that is, I--"
He
jumped then when a car horn blared behind him, and Chris laughed, tapped his
arm and walked over to Brian's car.
"Hey,
Duck, what's up with your mom?" Brian asked as Chris opened the door and
got in.
"She's
okay," he said flatly.
"Good.
Tell her I said hi." He cocked a finger-gun at him and gunned his engine,
and as he drove away with one arm around Chris's shoulder, Don heard him say
"Quack," and heard Chris say, "Quacker quack," and laugh.
"What?"
he said. "What are you talking about?" "Now look," Norman
said.
"I
haven't got time to argue with you. I've done all the figures, and what with
the medical expenses and the house, there just isn't enough money. I'm sorry,
but I can't pull it out of the air, and I can't spend it when it isn't there.
You'll have to start looking closer to home, at the state colleges, where it's
cheaper. Besides, way your grades are going, you'll be lucky to graduate."
Tracey
was sitting on the living room couch, her mother in polite attendance. When he
told her about his father's turn, she commiserated and suggested he start
looking scholarships, student loans, and some of the local organizations who
sponsor kids in college.
He
hadn't thought of it; he thanked her; he wanted to kiss her, but her mother
wouldn't leave. .
In
the cafeteria Jeff groaned and made to dump his tray over Don's head.
"What's
the big-deal with Chris anyway, huh? I thought you and Tracey were . . . you
know."
"We
are, I guess," he said. "I don't know."
"But
you don't want to be tied down, huh?"
He
looked up at the bitterness he heard in Jeffs voice. "No, I didn't say
that."
"I
know you didn't," Jeff said. And pointed a fork at his chest. "Well,
listen, pal--Tracey Quintero is one great ladyj and you'd better not hurt her.
You listening, pal? You'd better not do anything to hurt her or you'll have to
answer; to me."
He
forced a grin. "Hey, is that a threat?"
Jeff
didn't smile back. "Whatever."
And
he almost gasped aloud when he realized that Jeff was in love with her too.
On
Friday he stood at his mother's bedside with his father \ and watched her easy
breathing, watched the IV feed her, watched the screens of the instruments
recording her life.
At
five minutes to ten she woke up, saw her son, and screamed.
The
room was dark.
Sitting
on the desk chair with his back to the wall, he could see them on the shelves
and on the posters--the elephants, the hawks, the bobcats, the panther in the
jungle licking its paw.
The
night was cold.
Downstairs,
he could hear his father answering the door, handing out tissue-wrapped packets
of candy to the trick-or treating kids who were roaming the neighborhood in
packs herded by parents.
Yesterday
his mother woke up.
Today
he had stayed home, sitting at his desk trying to make up his mind, and during
a wandering through the house when his back grew too sore, he had looked out a
side window just after sunset and had seen his father talking to Chris. It
looked as if they were arguing, and he wanted to run out and tell her not to
get his father mad, not now, for god's sake, or she'll regret it come June.
Then
she had pulled a handful of her hair over her left shoulder and started walking
toward her backyard. Norman, after a brief hesitation, had followed when she
looked back and pouted, and thrust out her chest.
Norman
didn't come home for more than an hour.
Harry
Falcone and Chris Snowden, and goddamn Sam was dead.
Nothing
had changed.
Red.
People
were dead, kids were dead, and nothing had changed.
A
hazed red, like looking through a distant crimson curtain.
He
spoke to Tracey on the phone and had found the nerve to tell her he loved her,
and was puzzled enough not to ask why when she told him she liked him, but she
wasn't sure yet about loving. Instead, he changed the subject, to school, to Jeff
when she asked how he was doing, to the weather and the coming holidays. And
when they hung up, he looked the stairs without seeing a thing.
And
a few minutes later he sighed and rubbed his eyes.
She
was wrong when she said he was all right now; was wrong when she said she
didn't know about loving, course she did. He had heard it in
Jeffs
voice, and he just heard it in hers--she was afraid of him now, and she wasn't
afraid of Jeff.
So
how could he be all right when nothing had changed in spite of what he'd done?
He
stood in the kitchen and drank a can of soda, stood in the hallway and stared
at the telephone for nearly five minutes before dialing Tracey's number. She
was surprised to hear his voice again, and sorry that she couldn't go out with
him next weekend because she had already promised
Jeff
sample of her father's intensive interrogation. She laughed| He laughed. She
suggested that Don call him and give him some hints. He laughed again and told
her he just might do that.
And
hung up.
And
went to his room where he damned them both relently, and wondered what he'd
done wrong, wondered what his mistake was?
Change.
He would have to change if he wanted to take her back from Jeff; he would have
to change if he wanted to see the world straight again.
"No,"
he said then.
No,
he thought, eyes narrowed in a frown.
What
was needed, he decided as he heard his father up the stairs, was not a change
in him, and not the simpl< recognition that his problems were no worse than
anyon else's. He knew that. He wasn't stupid, and he knew that.
But
what he knew that no one else did was that he had means to do something about
it.
Norman
knocked on the door and opened it, grunted and slapped the wall switch that
turned on the desk lamp.
"Jesus,
are you a mole or something?"
"I
was thinking."
"Oh,
good. It's about time. I'm off to see your mother. You watch the door and hand
out the candy. If you think of it, put some poison in the apples." Don
smiled dutifully, and his father gave him a salute, then looked around the room
and shook his head.
"Someday
maybe I'll understand all this," he said as he took another step in and
scanned the shelves and the posters. "Maybe I've been wrong, son. Maybe .
. . well, maybe I've been wrong." He lifted his shoulders and scratched
his head. "When your mother's feeling better, maybe you and I should have
a little talk. I suppose better late than never, huh, son? What do you
say?"
Don
nodded and accepted the offered hand, didn't protest when Norman put a hand on
the back of his head and pulled him close to his chest in a rough approximation
of a hug.
And
when he was gone, Donald stared at the desk until the moon filled his window,
stared at the desk until the swirling red was gone. Then he smiled and stood
up.
No,
Dad, he thought; better late is not better. It isn't better at all.
And
he reached over the bed to pull down the picture of the deserted jungle from
his wall.
And
when he looked out the window, he whispered where are you? to the prowling
shapes out there, darker than shadow and waiting for his call.
Charles
Grant is the author of the New York Times and USA Today bestsellers The
X-Files: Qoblins and The X-Files: Whirlwind. His latest works are the novels of
the Millennium Quartet: Symphony, In the Mood,
Chariot,
and Riders in the Sky. Grant is also the author of The Black
Carousel
and the New York Times bestseller The Nestling.
He
lives with his wife, writer Kathryn Ptacek, in Newton, New Jersey.