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ELEVEN

"I have run out of things to see about the new Earth," Kawashita said.

"There's much more on the main ship," Nestor said.

"I do not know if I'm prepared for Japan."

"I haven't seen Earth myself for fifteen years."

Kawashita smiled. "A blink," he said.

"Sometimes I think you enjoy being a Methuselah."

"A Rip van Winkle, you mean."

"Enjoy the hell out of it."

Kawashita's smile faded. "No. Not always."

"I don't see how you could have done anything harmful when you were alone for four hundred years."

"Not to others who were real, perhaps—but they saw themselves as real. I felt a great deal for some of them, and what I did hurt them much. Some I had killed."

"You were half-crazy."

"No," Kawashita said. "I was sane. I did everything with excuses. I had history to follow and did not have the strength to break loose. I wanted to create a better place, but—" He shrugged. "Perhaps later I can tell it straightly."

Anna looked out the direct view port at the USC lander. "I think it must be impossible not to hurt people."

"What will you do about him?"

She gave him a sharp look. "You see an awful lot," she said, "even when you seem to look the other way."

"Remember, I was a high-ranking official for many decades."

"Don't presume too much, Yoshio. You're more responsible than a trained monkey. You're still a human." Her glare softened suddenly and she shuddered. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. That was unforgivably blunt. There's a lot of poison in me, too."

"He is very involved in you."

"When I first saw him, I thought I could feel strongly, too. But it hasn't turned out that way. Physically, in most other ways, he's everything I want in a man . . . but there's something weak in him. Not just weak, more . . . " She gestured the thought away.

"It is unwise to play with a man when you are not certain how you feel."

Anna sparked again. "Dammit, this is none of your business!"

"True," Yoshio said, his face impassive.

"I offered him a position on the ship. Now I don't think he's good for the job. Sometimes I'm a complete ass, and I don't know why."

"Maybe you are crazy," Kawashita said.

"No," Anna said, turning away. "I had my reasons. I did everything . . . with excuses. My shame."

"It is not unusual for people to be hurt by loves that do not work," Kawashita said. "It is a part of growth, not like betrayal."

"Sometimes it seems very much a betrayal, though," she mused. "Like giving promises without meaning them."

"When the body rules, souls die. Loss of love is like grieving for the death of a person who never was."

"I don't love him," Nestor said. "He may not even love me. Maybe my vanity is imagining it all."

Kawashita shook his head. "Kill it quickly," he said. "Don't settle for anything but a mortal wound, a quick end."

Anna avoided his eyes. But she understood what he meant.

 

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Framed