The implantation was so successful we can hold back absolutely nothing. For reasons I do not yet completely understand, those who sent us wanted them to know everything they demanded. Yielding information sometimes I feel the machinery of the program itself working within me, tearing synapses and ganglia; but this is more suggestive than biological, I think.
But at a reduced level the pain is constant. I am wrapped in sheets of pain, small mumbles of anguish constricting me even during sex or sleep. I do not understand myself. I did not think that I was this complex. I had simple desires, simple passions: I wanted to maintain my spot in the hierarchy and not upset the balance.