I fuck Nala but am unable to attain an orgasm. This has never happened to me before. In fury I drive myself harder and harder against her, forcing myself to think of images which will cause me to climax but again and again my eyes open and I see her flat chest, her stricken eyes, the small, fine pores of her flesh and my desire wanes. I command her to perform acts upon me: inexpli­cably obscene acts which will take me through and wordlessly she does but it is of no avail. She blows me. I feel a limpid response, the beginnings of pressure until I look at her face while she is in the act; the eyes are blank and staring, fixed to the opposite wall, and hold horror that I cannot bear. I tell her to stop if she finds it so painful. She removes me from her mouth and says that pain has nothing to do with it; she is willing to accommodate me. I am disgusted and am unable to manage an erection of any sort. I turn from her. She offers to help; says she will do and say anything I want if it will help me climax, but I brush her away. Her skin rubs like metal over mine, I hear her murmuring obscenities. I bolt from her bed and into mine, turn away from her and beg her to stop. Before I have finished speaking I can tell from her breathing that she has willed sleep upon herself.

I resolve to try sex no more until I can obtain treatment from personnel of our own planet. It is inextricable with some other sense of myself which I am rapidly losing. Nala makes no further reference to the incident but does not come to my bed again.